And this guy took out his iPhone and by the time he got it out
of his pocket and turn the camera on, I'm already behind three trees in
a bush I mean being acripted as grape. Oh. We've been hearing about
these newings car droons. They're supposed to be small, quick and quiet,
and they have cameras to a whole whistle two right, well that some of
them have not vision and if they find you, they won't leave. I
have had a baby to steal your children and make of them. Don't the
woods where they make them do chores before eating them? Horrible sharp id.
Alright, alright, everybody calm down. These are just stories. And Bobby
you go, I'm pretty sure you're just talking about yourself with that last one.
Ah. Sorry, Sasquatchah. No, we're not. All of them
are stories. Oh we sold one twas just last week. Oh. He
was hiding in an alley waiting for a noise young last to happen. Boy.
Suddenly we became aware of a faint buzzing sound behind me. I whirled
around and there was the cursed ding just floating there, staring right at me.
Soul. It's red power light blanking in the darkness. Sure, I
thought that check us up, and I react to dump your instinct. You
what may did you leave me? Oh no? We jumped at the wretched
ding, breathing fire and slash and claws. It fell to the ground in
a melted, steaming heap like a child's toy. D D D. Don't
you see, everybody, there's nothing to worry about. Let about those of
us who can't jump. We don't have cloths or firebreath. Shut up,
squawk, We'll be fine. They keep trying, We keep hiding. That's
how it's always been, That's how it's always gonna be. We're never caught.
It's true, it's true. He Crypton's have no fear before. We
remain elusive. All the alt of medicine. Legends have been told to hear
you from. We're not going to Rumbling Craig Park two. But since they're
imaging, their tails won't take hold of your roy We're never a cloth.
They're wind and rain and snow. We will stay hid in a fleeting glimps.
We're just in after thought. Your Dicken's for bedam. We have never
called, never called, never cast. You know we all are quite bizarre,
but we're never never caused. And for us what that's just part Some
humans do believe in our exist dance. They want some proof of concrete guarantee.
But here's what they've forgotten. Where he slippery is snuff stitiously surviving.
We never called colin. You know, statistically, it's just a batter of
time before we're all caught. Shut Should you knock off that squat talk.
We're the best damn hiders in the whole world. Ain't nobody finding us?
I go so far as to say we are never getting caught, never caught,
never called. Some people hunt us like we're jobs, but we're never
called, never called. We tiptoe on our paws. We sometimes show our
facing blurry forwardous wink a little glimpse of fun for you to see, but
don't get too distraught. We're just in your the blind spot and serenititiously call
feel like a musical dubber is the terrible way to stay hidden shops guwk that
is correct. We are ever sober or right. Drink everybody. I'm David
Floor, I am David Stecco. Welcome to Blurry Photos. You are most
welcome. Welcome to our penultimate, oh hundredth episode Penultimant. Yeah, that's
that is well done, really good vocab there in this the winter of your
content, coming right up on everybody's favorite holiday. We knew it was on
your Christmas last though. We just shoved this episode right up your stocking all
in time for foxmus Oh that's right, everybody, Uh Saturn Nailia mus the
the the holiday devoted to being devoted to sex. I just do you know
what your boyfriend, your girlfriend, just take a night and really think it
through, maybe like read something like really be like I'm gonna try a new
technique that I think my boyfriend or girlfriend is really going to be into.
You know, like, let's roll the dice here, people, it's Smiths.
There's no wrong answers. Okay, there's probably a ton of wrong answers,
but guys, gals can't go wrong. Yeah, if nothing else,
points for putting effort into pleasing the women and men that you love. Yea,
So the longest night of the year, make it count people today?
Right, So I guess it's Lord's Day. It's hard for for workings,
but you know, hopefully you here's the door. I've loved it open just
for you. So anyways, you have reached blurry photos, and I would
love to know. I don't want to belabor this point. I would love
to know if anyone is attempting Saturnalia Smiths any of these things. Unfortunately,
I will be home for Christmas by then, which many people are. I'm
not saying this is an easy holiday to pull off, but I'm I'm unfortunately
not going to partake because I will already be home for Christmas and spending time
with my family. And it's not it's not really in the carts. No,
No, that's too bad. Yeah. But you know, if you're
out there and home is where you is, yeah, then do it up
right, Yeah, exactly. If home is where your heart is, then
then home is where your heart is. Yeah, welcome to photos. About
that, let's move on. You know what, if you're fine us for
the first time, Hi, Yeah, welcome, You're about to get launched
into orbit because you are in the ninety ninth episode of a really great podcast.
That's right. And what we do We take a subject that may be
mysterious. It could be a cryptid or a monster, something from the unexplained,
something from the parent normal, something you thought was explained, but it
turns out you were wrong. You're dead wrong. Uh, And we we
talk about it in depth from the crazy aspects of it all the way down
to the skeptical what the hell is actually going on aspects of it, and
then we do ponds at the end, and all throughout we throw in a
little little cheese whiz that is our silly choices, some dumb jokes. So
please don't be don't be uh ready ready for us to just um, you
know, talk like like we're robots about something. No, we've been robots
and it was Unfortunately I died. I died fighting Flora had to tell me
this. I died fighting a robot. O s bro. You're not supposed
to do about that. Let's see nice, all right? So what do
we got for you to this? I'm the one that's been drinking, no
doubt. What does to this mean? It means tonight what we got for
you to to now talking about King Arthur. That's right, the King Arthur,
The King Arthur, literally the man, comma, the myth, comma,
the legend. It's the only person that really applies to except for him
and Jesus Sure Merlin and Randy the Manchu man sadvage. We have talked about
Merlin before. It was a fun time. I would advise you to go
back and listen to that at your les year, but not Merlin Olsen,
just Merlin. Well Merlin t Merlin you bring you know what? He was
in a movie that I randomly saw because I was watching Mystery Signed Suit and
he was in there. I think anyway, talking about King Arthur tonight gonna
be a lot of fun. Gonna try and cram a lot of info man
into your ears. Smoke some weed, everybody, because it's gonna be painful
at times. And if you thought that a lot was said about anything in
general, you haven't looked up King Arthur information. It's tough. And I'll
tell you what. Like I know, Flora has done a ton of research.
He's got pages and pages of densely packed written notes. I did my
work too, Uh. I watched Jerry Bruckheimer's King Arthur, of which I
lent, yeah, which I borrowed from Flora. Now, I know what
you're thinking. That's not really research. Really, it was the director's extended
cut. So I hope you feel a little dumb. Now, Yeah,
there's no more movie to be watched. I watched the extended director's cut,
so I pretty much know everything about King Arthur. Now, that's right,
and that's why we're recording now. Yep uh, that's the Clive Owen version.
Yeah, the way I love Clive Owen, ker Knightley and Dylan's Scars
Guard and many and many others. Yeah, he's a Scars Guard. Oh
Ray Stevenson, I love love him. He's the big dude with the acts
and the ice. He was in Rome and Race who sings everyone is beautiful?
Well, maybe maybe flash, Maybe I'm wrong. It was like late
night infommercials for his late seventies comedy albums. I should stop while while I'm
behind. But that's it's a it's a fun movie. You know. I
didn't. I didn't know. It was less less explosion e than I thought
it would be. Yeah, but we'll I think we'll talk about some of
the you know, the modern stuff towards the end, because we got to
get to who King Arthur was, We got to get to what his history
was, What are some of the facts behind the fiction, what are the
fictions made out of facts? And we're going to talk about the influences he's
had that's led directly to that Clive Owen version. Yeah, so let's let's
first of all, let's just jump into our machines and go back to the
fifth and or sixth century. Oh my goodness, we're gonna start real broad.
We're gonna narrow it down as much as we can. But side of
a barn Son. That's how bra I'm not a good hype man when when
we start broad it's it's completely broad. And I'll tell you why, because
there's so much about him. You know what, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna
save that. I'm actually gonna save that morsel. I'm gonna I'm gonna tease
you. This is going to be a four hour podcast. Everybody strap it.
So so Arthur, I see the look in his eye. There's nothing
anyone can do to stop this. I was not able to get through all
of the notes that I wanted to take for this, so good. You
know what, we could it could easily be a two parter. We're gonna
we're gonna try and part it, summarize it as best, but we could
talk about this for episodes. So Arthur, King of the Britain's the once
in Future King. It's a figure of British legend who ruled a mostly unified
Britain in the fifth and sixth century CE in a brief shining moment of a
golden age during the Dark Ages, with his a magical sword Excalibur, and
a host of loyal and skilled knights and Merlin the Wizard as Merlin as the
Wizard, He's like their wacky neighbor. He does he busts in. No,
it's better if he's like Doc Brown. Yeah, we're sending to the
future Artie Artis Calimer, keep going. Arthur defended Britain from invaders and in
fighting, living with his beautiful Queen Gwenevere at the idyllic court of Camelot,
he epitomized the virtues of justice, goodness, equality and chivalry, symbolized by
his famous round table and the quests he and his knights completed. Arthur's reign
did not last long, however, doomed by gwyne Year's affair with his champion
Lancelot, and also by plotting from his half sister Morgan le Fay and nephew
Mordred. Mortally wounded defending Mordred about him later I contribute Mortally wounded defending his
kingdom from Mordred's army, Arthur was whisked away to the mythical Isle of Avalon,
where he sleeps while his wounds healed, to one day return as Britain's
savior when it's people need him most. Yeah. So so World War two
not it unless oh my gosh, what if Churchill was Yeah, what a
twist shall alan? So that is your hugely broad overview. That's a very
popular view of him, and I'll get into that later. And it's important
to note that Arthur can be discussed in many ways, namely as one of
three different characters, the mythic legend, the literary character, and the historical
figure. And we'll discuss each of them as each of them has blended throughout
the centuries. Yeah, and it's it's tough because, I mean, even
the historical figure. First, you got to clear the did he exist hurdle?
Oh man, Yeah, pretty tall hurdle. Yeah, And we're going
to start with the most well known aspects from the myth and the literature.
This is just going through in a little bit more detail some of the stuff
that you might hear about these days or some of the stuff. You get
the bus stop and just trying to buy some groceries, and somebody won't stop
talking about notable kings of the Dark Ages, Saxon invasions of Britain, swords
that heel, wounds, and ladies in lakes. So let's talk about his
origins. That's a good place to start. Yeah, think Arthur's conception is
a fascinating tale in itself, an erotic tale of interest within. With the
Roman withdrawal in Britain, the land fell into war with itself and in invading
armies of picts, Irish and Saxons, picked says in picts, picts,
naked fighters. British nobles took up the fight to game power and repel the
invaders, and among them was Aurelius Ambrosius and his brother Uther. After a
successful campaign, Ambrosius was crowned High King of Britain, or pin Dragon,
that's what they called him. But he was soon poisoned, leaving Uther to
be pin Dragon. Oh so either way, you're gonna get one of the
brothers, one of the Uther chief You're You're on it. You're on it.
The worst as the story goes. Uther became enamored with Duke Gorlois of
Cornwall's wife, Igrain. Dude, what is all the wife's napping? Yeah?
Well, seeing this, the Duke took Igrain and hold up in their
fortress called Tintagil. Uther gathered an army and pursued them because his pants were
on fire, burning loins. Yeah, golf Helena Troy. We got his
grain in Britain. Ye, And then when he got there, he couldn't
break Tintagil's defenses. Tintagil is this. It's almost like a little um peninsular
type of a place. It's just sticking out. There's only one way to
get to the main part of it, where the fortress was, and that
was this very narrow gap. And there's water on all sides, big cliffs.
It's a great fortress. Yeah. And with advice from Merlin the Wizard
and prophetic wild men. Why hey, everybody, I'm Merlin. Who wants
the balloon? What is this balloon? Thou speakest of? I don't worry
about it all? How about to go chase the duck mullin my most trusted
adviser, Heye, Uther attacked a different castle of the dukes and having to
defend it. The Duke left Tintadgel and Uther had Merlin changed him into a
likeness of the Duke so he could just walk into the fortress and take a
grain unharmed. Woo polyjuice potion the time. That's what that's what it sounds
like. And he took her. He took her, he knew her biblically.
Who Meanwhile, the Duke slain in the battle at the other castle.
Each and then Uther took Igrain as his wife. Took her again. She
done took, she got she bore a son, Arthur, and Merlin took
the boy away for safe keeping. Nine. Sorry about it, Merlin,
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Merlin had made a deal with Uther
that he would change him into looking like the Duke of Cornwall if he could
have his son. So Uther agreed because his pants were on. I don't
know why. Ugrain must have must have been banging yo. Yeah, so
Uther had no choice but to give Arthur to Merlin. I think I technically,
I mean, I don't know if apple bottom jeans even existed then,
but pretty much everybody had the boots with the fur. Yeah, so I
don't know. Well, she she had the whole court looking at her.
So yeah, that's short of getting low. Yeah, she hit the flow.
Oh you would think the huge amount of information we have to get through
it mean we'd go through it faster. But no. Uther was poisoned not
long after that. Another interesting fact. Everybody getting poisoned was poisoned. I've
been poisoned. So that that led to more civil war like it does.
Yeah, you know that that. There's no king. Yeah, happened twice.
Power vacuum. Everybody starts fighting Britain on Britain, Hot Britain on Britain
action. Arthur was taken to a night named Sir Ector, who had a
son named Ka and was raised by Ector and his wife. Andctor, by
all accounts, was a very noble and good man. Not necessarily noble as
in rich, I don't think, but I think he was a knight.
Yeah, he was all right, but knights weren't like poor. Now,
it took a lot of money to field a knight, but he was very
virtuous. He taught Arthur to live well and be well and do well at
him yoga, a little yoga in there. Some plates showed him how to
make a really good kale salad. So you know, in about fifteen years
time, still no king, no, no high King of Britain. Everybody's
fighting. Merlin contrives this plan to get the king. Basically, and like
we said, Merlin's prophetic he can see the future. It's it was said
that Merlin aged backwards, so that that caused him to already know what was
going to happen to Benjamin Button style sorta. I guess. Okay, so
that's how he got his prophetic power. But he already knew that Arthur was
destined for great things. He knew that the trick that he set up would
lead to Arthur they're being crown king. And the trick that he set up
was to place a sword in a stone and Annville in Londonton, which at
the time was so new it wasn't even jolly, No, not old,
not old, not jolly. It was like disgruntled new Londonton. Yep.
Um, Londonville. I guess that would be like London shure Upon Abbey or
something. Um. The name has changed a lot, so he it was
it was Christmas time tis the season. Yeah, well, that's why that's
why everyone has an arthur ornament on their tree. And it was decided that
whoso pulleth out the sword from this stone and anvil is the rightful and true
born high King of the Britons. So high, too right. And they
they held a bunch of games. It was, you know, fun time,
Christmas, Christmas time in Londonton. Pull that swords on, pull it,
pull it out, get yourself a king. M So everybody tried.
Of course, the people who thought themselves to be you know, prim and
proper and the best of the best, shoved everybody aside and tried first dicks,
and they were shown to be the dicks they are. They they failed.
In fact, no one could pull the sword from the anvil in the
stone. That was a problem. So during this uh, there were there
were there was jousting, there were duels, you know, funnel cakes,
Yeah, I'm sure there were knockover yield diok bottles with with yon, softball,
deep fried turnips um, so everybody's having a good times. Tried the
deep fried sheep's wool mid thinks, they shout, attempted to deep fry all
naught shall escaped the deep flyer, having said such, I too shall try
the sheep's wool, try thine hand, and don't toss. Actually a r
tte tss. Back then, though, like there was no archery booths or
knife throwing. That was just like you just did that anyway. Yeah,
everybody you could do that. So it was it was the stand here and
do nothing booth. Yeah, starve for ten minutes. It's a good time
to point out that. Uh, just about every year, Floria and I
go to the Renaissance Fair and every year we um we duel over medieval weaponry.
We um, we test our might with axe throwing, knife throwing and
archery. Um, and Flora always kicks my ass. I think I want
axe throwing this. I didn't even try axe throwing this, so I won
because I intimidated. Yeah, yeah, that was it. But there's there's
not a good way to do the archery though. Um it's too subjective.
But Flora head as an unbeaten streak of whooping my ass at knife throwing.
I could throw a knife, not very well, but enough to beat your
ass. So so everybody's having games. There's there's a duel, now,
kay. Being the son of surrector allowed to participate in these games is up
up to duel, waiting to do his dueling. He's swinging like four swords
at the same time, or like a sword of the big weight attached to
the end. And it's yeah, not a real sword because it because it's
waited and it's just for practice. But oh, they forgot his sword.
I think Arthur's the one that forgot Arthur's squiring. Kay forgot his sword.
I don't know if there's a worst mistake of squire can make right that that's
the first thing they tell you on squire school day one. Don't forget the
sword, dude. He forgot it. So he is scrambling around trying to
find a replacement sword. He can't steal one from anybody. Everybody's everybody has
their swords on lockdown. So he stumbles into the courtyard of the church nearby,
and what does he see but lo and behold there's a sword. It's
right there, just sitting there. No one's even touching at Nope, and
know what, nobody's even around and he thinks, perfect crime. Mate runs
over to it, pulls it out, runs back to Kay, says,
Kay, get you a sword, bro. Somebody just had this laying around.
You're in business brother Yeah, and K K and X surrector see the
sword and and pretty much themselves because they realize what sword it was, and
they say, where the did you get this? Arthur tells him is just
in the church courtyard, pulled it out of the stone, No big deal.
And apparently Arthur had no idea out the whole pull this out, be
king. So they stop the games. They make him go back to the
stone, put the sword back in, and pull it out again in front
of everybody. And of course everybody, you know, it's like, what
the fuck And a lot of people, especially the older doucheer knights and people
who thought they had the right to rule Britain, got real mad, made
him put the sword back in and then went up to it and tried to
pull it out again, right like he loosened it. So now what did
what? Dicks? And they couldn't, oh, couldn't do it. And
so Arthur goes back up, pulls it out yet again, and Merlin Merlin
and the archbishop is there and they're both like, you know what, we've
seen enough new king, but not cakes, three tickets, finest tunnups.
Not. Everybody was so happy they had found their king. There were six
rebellious kings. I thought you were gonna stay republicans. There were six rebellious
kings who defied his right to be a king at that point. Well,
they didn't trust the rock and the sord. They and I say kings,
because everybody was a king of their own territory. Back then. It was
like warlord stuff. Everybody had their own little yeah, their their heel,
their sad little heel, and they were the sad little king of it.
I don't know. Some of those hills were pretty boss dude tintagil, and
they went to war against against young mister Arthur, call him king. He
didn't go through Stone School for he didn't go to Stone Pulling School for nothing.
So these six rebellious kings raised armies and fought against him. Arthur defeated
them all, oh, but then they regrouped with more rebels. Again.
Arthur defeated them all oh two x and all of a sudden down. There
was about twelve huge battles that he fought in won them all in the final
battle, the Battle of Mons Budonicus or Mount Baden, he was it was
said he single handedly killed nine hundred and sixty men. I don't think I
could single handedly do anything nine hundred and sixty times. Not in not in
a one one campaign. Nope, this solidified his right. He was all
head no scope, head shot, yeah, kill streak, and he began
healing the war torn land. Oh because I heard he died then? Yeah?
Wrong, Oh, because I mean I just I just stopped writing notes.
At that point. I was like, oh, he died just because
he stopped writing. No, it doesn't mean they did. No, No,
No, it's a pretty powerful notebook I've got here. Arthur went the
sword and the stone. He grasped the handle at the end. He died.
Not long after this, he meets Guinevere, daughter of King Me.
Oh, you've stopped, you've stopped, okay, and they marry yep,
yeehaw. Her milkshape brought all the knights to the yard, and that's right.
It's better than yours, by divine right, it's better than yours.
I could teach you, but you haven't did the coinage to go to Stone
school. She could teach you, but you'd have to swear fealty. Uh.
Leon grins. Her father gifts Arthur a round table as Dowry around table
ever heard of it. There are conflicting accounts moving on of how Arthur obtained
Excalibur really his sword. In some it is the sword in the stone Yep.
In others that sword is broken in a duel with fella named Pellinore.
Merlin then took Arthur to a magical lake where lived a water spirit named a
Vivienne, the lady of the lake who held aloft Excalibur, her arm clad
in the purest shimmering, say, might listen, strange women line, Ye,
no, basis how far we were, like, that's pretty good.
We did forty minutes in before that finally reared its head, supreme executive power
from a mandate from the masses. Dude, Not for some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Nope, that's it. That's as much as we're allowed to do.
We just hit maximum tiger. You can't hit maximum of that. Excalibur was
likened to a sun blade she forged on the Aisle of Avalon, shining blindingly.
When drawn, able to cut through iron, it's scabbard kept wounds from
bleeding. George Sukla sound it is such a thing even possible? Yes,
it is. I'm just saying dude, shoe fancy and so a laser sword
that fell from having embedded itself in a rock. He pulled it out.
Now he's got a laser, so it's probably some sort of bound plasma in
magnetic matrix and he can cut through anything with it. I mean, there's
a there's a couple of Lady of the lake, gray alien water breathing at
you. Yeah, exactly, but this but the but this sword is different
from the sword in the stone, so it couldn't have felt fallen down embedded
in a rock. So how does it heal him? How does it keep
stuff from bleeding? Oh? Really, a scalpel cuts and it heals you.
What? Yeah, it does, saves your life. Scalpel see it
cuts. Listen. We're dealing with how people wrote these things down. I
would rather you had said, a little gray alien jumped out and sewed him
up. What if it was just set help done? But laser sword,
no it No, it keeps his wounds from from At least we can all
agree that there was no crossbar to it, because there's one thing I know
about laser swords is that you can do a lot with them until you put
a crossbar on it. Then the entire world loses it's damp mind. That
is true, that that statement is true. I'm looking forward to it.
Um. That's that's Excalibur. Pretty cool. Let's talk about the Knights a
little bit. I gotta George Sukila sound, did you really did the King
Arthur episode? You totally did? You critique impressive? Which actually, uh,
if anyone out there is Big Stargate SG one fan, there's a whole
episode about Arthur and Merlin and that they were actually like super evolved d alien
people with lots of information. Oh yeah, sorry, Moving on, talk
about the Knights for a little bit. Would you would you like me to
um name the Knights? Thirteen thirteen knights yep? Okay, each more delicate
than the last, that's true, which is also the number of a coven,
same number as the Apostles were, like twenty four that could fit at
the table. But he employed a ton more Knights in his Yeah, but
they didn't have privileges. But they didn't have table privileges. The table was
reserved for the bast of the bast Yep. There's thirteen numbers, okay,
and they were Sir Arthur, who Yeah, Sir Lancelot, Sir Gawain,
Sir Juraint, Sir Gareth, Sir ga Harris, Sir Bedevere, Sir Galahad,
Sir Kay, Sir bors de Gans, Sir Lamorak, Sir Tristan,
and Sir Percival a few of the bigger names there. Betevie, one of
Arthur's earliest supporters and one of his most loyal. Gawayne, Arthur's nephew,
also a great knight, does his job Will whose job in the movie is
to be the reaction go to guy. Yeah, you never see him do
anything, but it's just like are we laughing? And it's just shot him?
Are we sad? I'm very upset right now? He is. His
sole purpose in the movie is like the emotional barometer for the all of the
knights in the Clive Owen. Yeah. Yeah. Gawayne also has a very
cool story which we don't have time to tell, but moving on, but
if you knew it, when you get a chance, go look up the
story of Gawayne and the Green Night. Very fun story that the Gawayne has
to face this. Uh, some people call him an un dead Night,
but that's just because Gawayne cuts his head off and the night picks it back
up, puts it back on, and it's like, see you next year.
But um, it's a it's a cool, cool little story. Gawayne
versus the Green Knight and Lancelot, I have French Night, or at least
from France. Lancelot Dulac, finest warrior in the land, who also falls
in love with Guenevere. Problems m Guenevere, a hope of show. I
hadn't told y'all she had milkshake. You know she's into that Lance a lot
pants Lance, she's going deep pants Lane. Put him in a train and
hassman, Lady that I've seen mine pants Lance. The whole nay at the
worst. Galahad was the son of Lancelot. He was also the most chivalrist
and the purest of the knights, which I bet is so irritating if you
have to share a castle with him. He's like the guy. He's like,
no, no, no, you go first, No no no,
no, I no, I insist you go first, and then when you
do, he goes really irritating it. You know what's worse, he doesn't
even know he's doing it. He doesn't even know he's doing it. That's
the worst. He thinks he's doing it right. Of course, the Knights,
their whole delio was they sat around and waited for quests to pop up
so they could go on. They're like rpging the whole time. Yea's just
waiting for a dragon to slay or a damsel to save and the yellow exclamation
point to appear on the horizon. Real quick, let's touch on the quest
for the Grail. That sounds boring, all right, Moving on, It's
not boring. It's so exciting. It's so exciting. It's very exciting.
You might want to hear more about it. I don't know, you ever
heard of the Grail? You ever heard of this thing? Foreshadowing sound?
The Grail? The cup that Christ used at the Last Supper, the cup
that Joseph of Arimathea caught the blood of Christ in as he hung on the
cross, the most holy Christian artifact ever, maybe except for the Ark of
the Covenant. I don't know, man, it's a horse race. It
really just depends on which movie you liked. And this a vision of the
Grail appeared at the Round Table one night, and the Nights vowed to find
it. It was a perilous task, to say the least. A lot
of knights, A lot of knights tried. A lot of knights failed.
Oh some with um you know they say, they say it's the last place
you look. Well, yeah, they checked the garage. No, because
they didn't have one Yon stables. Only the bravest and most pure would find
it. Lancelot actually saw it, but owing to some extramarital affairs that he
was involved in. Man, couldn't get it, dude, keep it in
your pants. A lot is what you need to do. Couldn't couldn't do
it, Broseph, I mean wars were fought over girls back then. That's
true that his problem was that he didn't lance a little. Uh. Galahad
is actually the one, his son Lancelots is actually one that finds it and
is allowed to partake of it and then enter into heaven eventually. Wow,
way to go. Yeah ahead, did it? And there's there's only the
penitent shall pass. Well, there's there's a part that it took him to
the to the Middle East. I think with a couple other guys. Maybe
Boors was one of them, and maybe personal I'm not sure, but um,
I don't know. They get to the Middle East. He then goes
into heaven. It's kind of what they talked about. But I guess it
goes to Petra. Yeah, that's where Indiana Jones found it, So that's
right. And it was down there and he's you know, he's still down
there guarding it. And he's an old man and the pesky Germans. Arthur's
downfall we just mentioned. After Lancelot and Guinevere got it on. Oh not
long, what a betrayal. Arthur chases Lancelot to France. No no,
no, no, no, no no uh and and this is this is
the It put Arthur in a tough spot. Arthur was he knew something was
up, yea, because you know, you know, you know, he
caught Bay tripping. Still love her, still love her, but she hoo.
He was torn between um defending her, which a lot of people got
real tired of her and Lancelot shit, so they they tried to call him
out, try to tell Arthur. He said, no way, man,
this she's better than that, He's better than that. This isn't happening,
So he denied it. A Lancelot had to fight whoever accused him, and
of course he was the best that was, so he never lost, so
everybody had to retract it there h so lame. Yeah, So it's like
that's like the Church of Scientology. It's it's eventually found out because it went
on for a while. And Arthur is torn between his love for Guinevere and
his love for justice, sweet delicious justice, And since he didn't want the
whole kingdom falling into complete disarray from lack of leadership, he has Guenevere burned
at the steak. So he's got her tied to the steak, got the
piles of wood propped up around her. Why why is everything so melodramatic with
these people? And he's watching as you know, they're they're bringing the torches
to her, and then Lancelot swoops in, snatches her up, kills a
bunch of Arthur's knights, and then flees to France. I don't zee.
Arthur follows him, He pursues him, gets Guenever back, and so begins
an unending mmity between England and France. Well Arthur, Arthur gets Guenevere back,
but Guenevere's so you know, like she can't even show her face,
so she becomes a nun. Arthur Arthur Chase's land. It's a lot back
to castle in France. Meanwhile, Arthur's nephew, Mordred, who's who's been
trolling around the camelot for for a while. Arthur's like, you know what
you need to watch. Watch the house while I'm gone. Just you know,
feed the cats, make sure they have water and everything. Just water
the plants here and there. Take the mail in. Yeah, bring bringing
the mail. Don't even try to do the fern is very particularly, I
already took care of it. Don't mess at the fern and um, and
he says, you watch while I'm gone. Well, Mordred starts ordering on
pay per view. Mordred takes the throne for himself. Oh, changes the
password on the WiFi and which is the same thing. And Mordred is the
son of Morgan la Fay. Now Morgan la Fay, as we mentioned,
is Arthur's half sister. She was the daughter of the Duke of Cornwall and
a Grain back in the day before Uther and a Grain got it on and
a classic foil. Yeah, she's by all accounts a witch. She's very
practiced in the dark arts and very manipulative and plotting. Of course, that's
what history says. Every time a woman's ill behaved, she made history.
She was she wasn't about that glass ceiling, even though they didn't really have
a lot of glass. Then and her son Mordred, she conspires to put
him on the throne, and Arthur turns around forgets about. Lancelot comes back
to take his throne back, and in the ensuing madness, Morgan la Faye
snatches Excalibur from Arthur, and Arthur manages to get it back, but she
has already thrown the scabbard into a lake, never to be seen again.
So that nice scabbard that was magical and everything no longer in his poss position.
He and Mordred meet at the Battle of Camlon and mortally wound each other
oh double stabs, and before being put on a boat to Avalon, Arthur
gives his crown to his cousin Constantine of Cornwall, who then becomes the new
King of Britain. And then he Arthur floats away into the mists, the
mists of what Avalon. Also, he tells Bedevere, who's who's there with
him as he lay dying, to take Excalibur and throw it back in the
lake for the lady of the lake, and Bedevere takes the sword and he
gets to the lake and he's like, you know what, this is a
damn good sword. Yeah, I'm just I'm gonna stash it. I'm gonna
tell Arthur that I threw it away, but I'm not gonna do because you
can't lose a weapon this nice. He goes back and he says, all
right, job's done. And Arthur's like, well, when you threw it
in the lake, what happened? And Betever's like, bah, nothing And
Arthur's like, you lying little shit, Go and throw the sword in the
lake like I asked. So Betever goes back and he's just about to throw
in the lake and he s there's a palladion living in the lake. Two
things, she's gonna catch the sword in mid throw. Two she's gonna teach
you physics while you Yeah. Betever didn't believe him. Yeah, once again,
he stashes the sword, comes back to Arthur. Arthur says, what
happened when you threw it in the lake? Betterver's like it with under the
water yep, like crazy. Arthur's like, you, you son of a
bitch, You stupid twice. Flyre you little twat, go and throw my
sword in the lake like I asked. I'm dying. It's a request part
of this starn't you getting dig the shit out of your ears, gonna change
your don't even start bade her nice. So Bedever goes back, takes the
sword and it's like fine ass. He throws it in the lake, an
arm shoots up, grabs a sword and takes it under the under the waves
and Bettervi's like his pants because he's like, wow, he was right.
Where's my physics lesson? He goes back to Arthur and Arthur's like, now,
what what nothing happened? Did you just just just throw it in there
and get a bit in the kiddie pools, just go down there and just
scoob a diye for it And Bedever's like no, So everything was cool.
So that's that. Turns out Jason Vorhee's mom lives in the lake and now
she's got a sword. Those are those are very very popular? Yeah,
story so popular. You probably heard about him in a mall. You Yeah,
that's true. Outside of the Abercabie and Fitch's what are you talking about,
it's a popular place in the mall. It's where popular ideas are exchanged.
I see, guess, guess you're not popular. It was not a
surf had to have that explained to you. That did not a surf sing
sing about that. I don't know. Let's go through some history and facts.
Yeah, hard facts are as hard history. The first written account of
Arthur by the Welsh cleric Ninius, who probably got picked on a lot permanent
widgie and it was and he was discussing the as Flora was to saying the
twelve battles in which Arthur fought, and that was in the Historia Britonum yep
in the year age thirty. There is a timeline that people have kind of
pieced together that goes through some interesting stuff, including the men of note who
wrote about Arthur. But going all the way back to one seventy five CE,
you get a fellow by the name of Lucius Sartorius Castus, who commanded
Sarmatian cavalry against Picts and Saxons in Britain. In four oh one fellow by
the name of Stillicoe withdraws troops from Britain. Stillicoe or still it Joe withdraws
troops. Oh you know what. Yeah, yeah, I'm a Roman badass.
Always withdrawing. I'm always withdrawing. Four thirty. The year four thirty,
Ambrosius Ariolanus leads British forces against the Saxons. And this is right when
he's crowned pin dragon before poisoning. Four eighty five was the Battle of Mount
Baden. Oh yeah, this is the one when he dies. Good night,
everybody puns listener mail stumble bun eleven thirty six. Uh, this one
guy by the name of Jeffrey of Monmouth. Four sous. What is all
of this then? I it's the Historium Raguum Ritenner History of the Kings of
Britain. Very popular work, and at this time it was it was very
popular to write chronicles, to to try to as accurately as you could write
the goings on. I mean, this is this is the beginning of the
seeds of of a literate culture. You know, some people this opportunity to
start writing things down, and the difficulty that they have with this is that
what happens when these different histories, these different chronicles are uh sorry, what
happens when they conflict and in some cases or or what when they agree.
Do they agree because they both independently found something that happened, or was the
author like, well, this other book says that this happened, and it's
a pretty good book, and I trust it, so I'm going to include
it. There's a there's a lot of those questions of, um, how
much are these things truly independent works? How much you know? Did did
one infect the other? Right? You know? So it's it's hard thing
to to really suss out. Yeah, And as we go through here you'll
see why, because there's not just one or two. And also the literate
people of the day with nobles, the aristocracy, and this was, you
know, bigger entertainment for them. It's not like you could go down to
your local year old library and pick out the historic Besides, those books were
like seventy pounds anyway. In eleven fifty Jeffrey writes the Life of Merlin.
In eleven fifty five, Norman poet Waste writes Roman de Brute. In eleven
seventy to eleven ninety one, French poet Croit writes five Artherian romances Popular popular
stuff. There Arthur in Chains, Arthur Unleashed, Everything's coming up, Arthur
four Weddington and Arthur, Oceans Arthur and saving Private Arthur. Yeah, mister
Arthur goes to Washington Um. In eleven ninety, the English Shakespeare and Arthur
people are like, it will never catch off. In eleven ninety the English
priest Layamon, who put together the poem No, no, no, that's
one of them there, Pokemon's lay him on. He's he's a turtle,
but has got a tank on his back and didn't Gee probably shoots sexual shoots
red and white balls the sexual. It's they they're trying to race Team Rockets.
These kids are growing up too fast. I'm telling you. It's Pokemon's
lay them on. See you, says Mon. At the end, they
all say that Zeppa Peekaboo. He writes the poem Brute, and that's based
heavily on on waste romand to Brute. Gee, I wonder why, uh.
Twelve fifteen to twelve thirty five, and some unknown French authors write the
Vulgate cycle and this is big on Lancelot and the Holy Grail. Um.
There are a couple of them that are that are written. And then the
early twelve hundreds you get you start getting a bunch of works based on figures
from Arthur's court, like Lancelot and Perceval and those guys, and they're written
by such dudes as Eschenbach, Strasburg, Zatzikovin and um the like or others
and many more anymore and Benny Hill, uh fourteen seventy. This is when
you get the old gold standard. Sir Thomas Mallory's lamour Darthur. Yeah.
Um, that's the death of Arthur. That is Um, that's kind of
these who don't sprez either France. I'll leave out what happened after that.
That that'll end the timeline, because I feel like from then on it's just
influence and adapt take. Yeah, everyone's I mean, it's it's like the
Lone Ranger. It's it's he's a character and he just gets thrown into whatever
anybody wants him to do. Yeah, Arthur goes to the Moon, Arthur's
Adventures under the Sea, Arthur stops a train robbery. Yeah. Celtic and
West folklore was oral. It's important to know. And it's possible that if
Arthur existed at all, he might have been around well before being written about.
Many historians think that the figure of Arthur may have been based on a
Celtic here Irish sun god. In fact, Arthur has many ties to the
other world capital Oh, including you know, some of the weapons that he
carried, his actual size. A lot of people theorize that he may have
been a giant nice, which is interesting, and the quests that he went
on. A lot of stories seemingly like more akin to fairy tales than you
know, true accounts of stuff. Yeah, and I mean, depending on
which story you're here, I mean, some of them are are far more
merlinesque than others. Most written histories commonly assumed to be largely fictional, including
Jeffrey of Monmouth yep. And I think we talked about that in the Merlin
episode. He pulled from oral tradition and folklore but made up a lot of
stuff. Yeah, sort of a giant liar. Yeah. Each each story
built on its predecessors, adding details that were pertinent to the time period and
their audience. Some historians think there were kernels of truth in them, though
British historian Jeffrey Ash proposed that Arthur could have been a warlord named Riothemis,
with Arthur being his actual name and Riothemis being a title, and this Riothemis
character fought Saxon's in mainland Europe and was possibly exiled to Britain after a betrayal
happened with one of one of the guys he was close with, and eventually
he disappeared near Avalon in Burgundy. Oh apparently. So that's a then that's
a theory that's been put out there by mister Ashe. And then there's always
the old Roman general theory going back to Lucius Artorius Cassius, that was the
great historic or historian. Jay Bruckheimer ran, Yeah, that has it's been
put forward that this Sarmatian night that that led battles against Saxon's and barbarians could
have been the Arthur of legend. I mean Artorius is in there, yea,
you know, they pointed that, and that's a very interesting idea,
and that's exactly what the Clive Owen movies based on. Of course, there's
an argument for a Welsh Arthur, a Northern England Arthur, a Southwestern England
Arthur. Every one wants to claim him, and many people try and tie
bloodlines to him as well, right, I mean, and that's it's one
of those teople like everyone is related to the Russian czars. Everyone's related.
You know. The only person you're actually probably related to his gang Khan,
right, Yeah, that's the only one you have a real shot at.
In eleven ninety an excavation at Glastonbury Abbey was funded by Richard the First and
conducted by monks. It was said they found a coffin with the bones of
a large man and smaller bones with a lock of golden hair. Also found
was a cross with the inscription here lies the famous King Arthur in the Isle
of Avalon. And it has been largely discounted because the abbey needed them dolla
bills, y'all. Yeah, they made it a tourist attraction. Yep,
right back to funnel cake people. Yea. The abbey had burned just a
few years prior. It was perfect. Um, everybody wants wants to get
on this boat of nationalistic pride. Oh King Arthur. Yeah, we need
to find him, mom, Are you just happened to have him? Right
here? Pay five five pins and you can see him. You have Arthur.
No Geese historians have tried to find Camelot with no success. Introduced by
Creon Detroy and his third romance, Le chevalier de charette, or just simply
call it Lancelot if you're not a fancy fop. It has come to symbolize
the permanent seat of government and chivalric splender Camelot has and that I think that
was interesting that that was never a part of the early Arthur legends. It
was introduced by Creon and Sir Thomas Mallory I identified it with the city of
Winchester and a round table was constructed there in the thirteenth century. Antiquarian John
Leland said in fifteen forty two that Camelot was located at Cadbury Castle in Somerset.
Couple of castle full of chocolate. It was made entirely of chocolate.
Yeah, the inside was so rich that d's day, oh man, I
almost threw up. Yeah. A couple of Romano British towns were named Camelot
in um, but they weren't necessarily in an area under British control at the
time, So people discount that as the actual Camelot. And there's not a
lot of archaeological evidence that says Cadbury or Winchester were the place that that Arthur
had his court. Yeah, I mean, what if what if it's you
know, it's like camelots inside all of us. But then there was a
whole bunch of people riding around freezing to death because they didn't actually have a
roof over their head. They were all they were all delirious with fever.
Yeah, maybe maybe it wasn't a golden age they were talking about. Maybe
it was a colden age. It's just a misheard, misheard. Very early
British sources site Arthur as Arthur the Soldier, and in the Historia Britonium he
is mentioned fighting on the side of the British kings and not actually a king
himself, but he did lead the battles, so that's from his humble roots.
Could be Yeah, that's that's a theory that that just says he was
a soldier, just a simple soldier. Now in the Roman army, skill
was rewarded more so than the nobility. Actually, yeah, I read that.
So you know that that could tie back into the Sarmatian night theory.
But the fact of the matter is there's so much out there that people have
tried to find and just there's there's not enough evidence. When they when they
dig for bones, when they dig for Castle's graves, whatever, whatever you
look for, everything comes up just as much as it doesn't come up.
Yeah, And I feel like, I mean personal opinion, I think that
there is a real basis, But I think that the legend and the mythology
and the stories are so blown out of proportion that I think it's virtually impossible
to ever trace them back to a person. I'm sure they are. I
mean, so many stories and mythologies have a over your little kernel of truth
from the beginning. But and but this one in particular has been just used
and co opted in so many different ways that like, I mean, you're
never gonna find Arthur, right, king, soldier, wizard, spawn,
reptilian, whatever he is. Yeah, you're you're right. And as you
went, as the timeline progresses, things get added in there. Like I
said, Camelot wasn't until Criton's time, and the romance, the courtly love
that you get wasn't until you get that Vulgate cycle, right, Um.
And in Criton's writing as well, you know Lancelot with the love affair with
with Winevere that was added much later, and most of the early stuff about
Arthur, when you're talking about Jeffrey of Monmouth and uh, and those those
guys waste. Arthur's more like a warlord. Yeah, and it doesn't have
you know, his chord, which I think militates toward towards that that that
that Colonel of truth. You know that like there is a you can kind
of see the cone of like he wasn't as big a deal here, and
he's a bigger deal here and right, and chivalry just becomes big with with
criton. But because fun fact, Creton was funded by a noble woman of
the time who wanted, you know, a story of love and intrigue,
and that this was the audience that he was writing for. Board rich chicks
love it though worst you also get the Christianization of stuff in there. Yep,
a lot of a lot of things became more and more Christian as Christianity
took hold more and more. And that's why you get the Grail. That's
why King Arthur becomes just a huge figure for God, for the um,
the advancement of Christianity and in the ideals, the virtuousness all that stuff ties
in chivalry comes right into there. So uh, in the end, Arthur's
just you know, it's a great iconic figure. Yeah, but it's also
this great amalgamation of so many cultures and ideas and ideals, and it's it's
inspired. I don't know everything. Well, no, I mean like when
you have someone who who has achieved any thing, you know, and then
they become this literary character. It's just like that all that uh, Ronald
Reagan erotic fan fiction that I keep trying to get you to read that I
write. I mean, you won't read it, but right, you can
keep trying. But yeah, but I mean I'm going to write so much
of it that there'll come a time in the future when people talk about Ronald
Reagan the sexual Trianosaur, and they won't even know that he was the president.
They'll just only my stories will remain. Yeah, my powerful erotic fan
fiction stories a waste of the future. Will Will write his book, Will
Nice. There's a ton of stuff that has come out about King Arthur.
He's a gold mine. You know, everything is themed after him. There's
a ton of movies. Have you seen You've seen excalbur Oh not since I
was a kid. Oh, I watched it. In this I watched quite
a few movies actually, well while we were researching this that I watched an
extended director's cut, so I win. You're right, you're right, checkmate.
But it's been said before, and I think I agree that scalbur the
eighties movie, the one with Patrick Stewart, makes an appearance in there.
That is, um, I think, the best rendition so far. Of
course, he gets Sword in the Stone from Disney in there, which is
just a whole Mississilly and the Clive Owen King Arthur. There's games all over
the place based on it. Oh yeah, yeah, it's just popular.
It's popular culture. Well yeah, and um, there's a new series called
Camelot which I just started watching. It's got Eva Green and because she's in
everything these days. Wow, she's in the other Showtime series, isn't she.
Yeah, Penny Dreadful. Wow, I like. I like how she
looks in Penny Dreadful. She looks like still really hot but also real weird.
Yeah, which is man, That's that's me. That's what I like.
Hot and weird. She's got a five head and she's she's Morgan Morgan
le Fay in this one. Perfect Yeah, So there you go. All
right, So, um, that is us cramming King Arthur into into this.
Uh Misty of Annius. Yeah, shining, shining for a brief moment,
nutshell. So how about we pull these puns from the stone? Oh
do it? I'm going first, Okay. So back in the fifth century,
it was communication was very difficult. You know, someone had to ride
out and you know, there was highwaymen. It was dangerous, it's dark
ages, it was rough. Um. But one man was extraordinarily good at
communicating with people, and he would write letters far and wide and always knew
what was happening and always responded promptly. And his name was Arthur, which
is how he got his moniker, Arthur Penn Palin. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yep, yep. I saw this place the other day. It
was pretty cool as it's a jewelry store that sells a lot of gold,
sells a lot of tars and crowns. But fortunately it went out of business.
What yeah, but a lot of people think it may come back,
and it was called the once in Future Bling. I like that one.
That's pretty good, I do. I do like that one a lot.
It'll come back when when you need that that gold watch. You know,
there's a legend in Britain of uh it was like an inn you know,
to cross roads. People would go through there and there's a woman who was
pretty famous around there, and a gentleman would often buy for her attention.
But the interesting thing about this is that not only was she like a you
know, a very busy serving wench in this and but um, she was
she was large. Oh really, yeah she was. She was robust,
she was rubenesque. And finally, you know, a scribe passed through and
kind of fell for her, and you know, I was able to keep
her attention for you know, a couple of weeks before she got bored and
moved on. And the scribe didn't get angry. He was just glad for
the time he had. But he wrote a chronicling of this time. Yeah,
yeah, it was. He wrote, of the nights with around Mabel.
Pretty hot stuff. Oh, by the way, her name was Mabel.
I was gonna put it at the beginning. I thought you'd sniff it
out too much. Side rubenesque. I've got uh, I got one more.
It's a gym. And you know how sometimes you go to the gym,
you work out so much, you sweat a lot. Uh. Sometimes
you you'll you'll scrape a finger or something. You oh, you know,
or you get a cut or something. It's um, it's it's dangerous.
You know, you should wipe everything down. Everything. Well, this is
a gym where you'll sweat but you'll never bleed. Really. Yeah, what's
it called. It's called flex caliber. She put those guns away, Put
them away, put them away, hoole, store them holster then, because
if you're busting out guns like that, you're going to scare the very skittish
and delicately frail. Yeah, that was a segue. We got a lot,
We got a lot. Yeah, we have to get to it.
But surge storm surge. Well, well we're gonna get you a supplemental Yeah,
and your stories. Hey, if you guys got a nice scary yule
time story to send in, send it to us. Make sure it's um,
you know. Pg. Thirteen Like like we do. So we're getting
to a couple here for you now, but I'm gonna have some more and
your story is coming out. Sex of stories is erotic fiction, right,
I don't I don't care. Pg. Thirteen, Erotic with terror in his
heart. Daniel try at the Brock class over and over, pinching her skin
and pulling her hair. She occasionally helpfully said do you need help, but
Daniel wouldn't say yes, spooky. Yeah, I'm sorry. Okay, it's
time for you guys to be better than we are, which is not hard.
Yeah, first up, Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy Jemmer. He's sick
of that. Just because her name is Jeremy does not mean you're a suicidal
lunatic elementary school kid. But it couldn't hurt, right, you nailed it.
What you nailed that song? Nailed it. We got us a pern
Oh. These elementary subatomic particles are somewhat awkward. They start becoming more social
and therefore highly susceptible to peer pressure their new tween nos. Yeah, those
particles watched Twilight, Yes they do. And he found our podcast while he
was looking up Oak Island. Yeah he did. And uh and now he's
a giant fan. So thank you, Jeremy, j I love that.
We got some more now now we're now we're fans of you. We stumbled
across you looking through our email, and now we're hooked. We'll be hearing
back from Jeremy. I believe good soon soon and very soon. Flora,
what do you got right now? Tell me what you got right now.
I have no right now now, and it's too late. In two seconds
three two one. See I even gave you an extra second. Jesus Flora,
I've got a call out from the Master of zombies himself. What zombie
master? WHOA Hi, I'm zombie master. When I'm not mastering zombies,
I'm thinking about how I can better manage zombies. Buy my water film.
At the Pensacola Regency High I will be having a three day symposium on management
techniques for Armies of the Undead. Once again, I am a zombie master.
I went to grad school for zombie man. I'm done. I've got
my black belt in all right. So he listened to our our bullstone number
two with the fair point guys, and he's going to have to dispute the
want of aliens that I believe you said. Oh yeah, you wanted them
to be cylons. You remember that when they're like jobs. I want skin
jobs, skin job cylons, cylons any form are a human creation and therefore
not alien. Oh thank god, it's a bullstone. Watched me just whistle
by. I'm just looking at the penalty box, flipping it off, eating
toast. So but if no I think the question was if I could pick
which aliens right I would want, I would want skin jobs. But his
point is that they're not actually aliens, but they are in my scenario.
M So like, so I said aliens, I'd say, okay, well
what about hyperintelligent rabbits? Would that be an acceptable answer? Did they come
from another planet? Yes, then that's fine, same thing as skin job
aliens. Skin Job aliens don't come from another planet. They came from rabbits
silons from Earth. But then you said, oh, but did they come
from another planet? Yes, they do. Same thing with skin jobs come
from Earth. Super intelligent rabbits come from the Beetle Juice system or something.
Robots come from Earth. Skin job robots come from the Beetlejuice universe. They
someone created skin job robots. You don't know that you do? No?
I don't, Yeah you do? He amazed? What I don't know?
Wow? How did this is becoming quite the debate. I'm with the Master
of Zombies on this. I disagree with the Master of Zombies. Skin job
silons. Yeah, human human creation ultimately, and it's not like super intelligent
rabbits came from Earth, went to another planet, got super intelligent then came
back. It's an example of the kind of alien I would like to see
hot chicks. I see, you should have picked play aliens like I did.
Fair enough. Actually, maybe you just got to it a little bit
faster. What do you have? Thank you, Zombie Master Flora. We
got we got an email here? Oh yeah, yeah, I'm trying.
I'm trying to figure it what it's like. It's it's like rain on your
wedding day, or maybe I don't know, you'd take a look. What
do you think this is? Like? Oh well, it's kind of like
ten thousand spoons and all you need is a knife. Yeah, yeah,
you're right, You're right. It's I mean, isn't isn't it? Ironicus?
Don't you think one of the worst. Ironicus hits us with the following
week. I love the draculadossier episode. Thank you and thank Ken Height.
I think they did pretty well with their Kickstarter Yeah. Oh, and points
us in the direction of the one shot RPG episodes that Ken mentioned. Um
because he's great at running a game, takes chances to show takes a chance
to show off some of the adventures that the dossier can lead to. Because
Ironicus is also one of the players. Nice, Oh, so you you
know you know what it's like to sit in a room with the wonder kint
that is Ken Height. Wow, it's tough, it's difficult, it's very
daunting. So well played, Ironicus. Um. Also, did you know
that one of Dracula's thralls was driven to madness by his vampire control and could
only eat food on sticks. His name was hm Renfair. He couldn't stop
staring at bodices. Yeah. Another possible stretch goal is the mystery of Dracula's
fratbroke cousin who would stick people on pikes for not properly popping their collars Chad
the Impaler. Clearly this is a friend of Ken Heights. These are well
done, and of course, uh the show could be part of the dossier
as well. It seems Stoker's original notes were altered to hide Mina Harker's actual
maiden name, Mina Blurry. Perhaps her family legacy was to amass a font
of fringe knowledge players could the players characters could find useful. That's right,
Blurry, So thank you very much, Ironicus, and everyone should listen to
that one shot RPG. I'm gonna check it out. Yeah, because I'd
like to hear how that plays out. You might even want to give it
more than one shot. Oh all right, bring us home for take this
tug boat into port. I'll do the job the tugboats meant to do.
We heard from what was? How was? Wes uh? Keeping with the
old Dracula dossier episode in honor of gaming superstar Kenneth Height, he has a
he has an RPG pun. There's a man who dresses in sharp suits that
has bright colors. Stop stop, stop, I have I have to call
my broker too late. Market's closed. They're also known to be cleptomaniacs and
fearless short humanoids. It's the Kinderman. Oh, and that, my friends,
is a dragon Lance reference. He is pulling, He is pulling the
stink from the swamp and without kinder. I don't know. Yeah, well
done, dragon Lance, bright clothing, bright sharp suits, kleptomaniacs, short
humanoids. I don't like it. Very well done. And he says he
feels like, um, we are the Velma and Daphne to Kenneth Heights,
Fred and Stecco. I'm Velma. Oh wait, which one's Velma? Elma's
the one in the glasses. That's okay, because Daphne's pretty hot, but
everybody knows that Velma's secretly the hot one. Well, Velma's got the socks.
Yeah, that's true Daphne. Daphne is like the bro bait, but
everybody knows that Velma's the freak. I think you're right. And he says,
see, Fred wants Daphne because of the crazy hotness, but she'll need
Velma to get stuff done. Also, his metaphor has gone all over the
place. Well, I think we were we were helping with that too.
We were certainly doing our piece on that. All right. Thank you West,
Thanks World one one, and thanks everybody who has written in. We
will get to the ones we haven't gotten to yet in a nice little supplement
too, with some stories. Again, if you want to send send us
one in, send us a scur story of your own. Yeah, I
want to scare the crap out of myself for Christmas. Also, while you're
at it, why not go to iTunes give us a rating, Yes it's
a review, give us the reviews that we would like reviews from you,
the actual listeners of this podcast. You get a Christmas present to us five
stars and a great review or I have golden stars stumble up and also were
blurry photos underscore something. I think I just just just muddied it up.
I don't think there's any any anything you have to create that now. Yeah,
blurry underscore photos is Twitter. We're on Facebook. You can go and
like us. We're yep, we are scarily close to four hildos. Oh
man, we might already be there by the time I hear this, because
we were like two, we had two to go. Eight we ow and
uh yeah, so we're almost there. We've got the swell. Folks at
Audible are making your Christmas easy for yourself when you're traveling this this holiday season.
That's yourself a free book. It blot us, audible trial dot com,
slash blurry photos. I said, haltingly, waking sure that Flora said,
yes, you're doing the right thing. Audible trial dot com, slash
blurry photos. Get a free trial, get a free book for yourself,
get a trial. You don't like it, get canceled. It's as simple
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can undo it. It's the same ritual, but in reverse. And when
you go there and when you sign up, it's not going to say blurry
photos all over the place, and it's actually not going to say anything about
blurry photos. It just looks like you're signing up to a free trial membership
and that's that's okay, that's how it works, yea. And then everything's
going according to planet that's what you're seeing. Yeah, and then we find
out and we get really happy. Ye So that's the way you can treat
yourself. Can also punch our donate button with candy cane. That a monetary
candy Cane's right, that's a good way to to have a fun Christmas.
Yep, we've got we got some plans for the funds. Yeah, everything's
in the works. We're very close. Yeah. Sorry, I know we've
been saying this forever, but keep in mind, we're like two dudes with
day jobs, so we're we really are doing this. It just you know,
takes a village. We've got two people. We're almost there. So
you guys are the very very best. Oh, make sure to go over
to fair Point Podcast listen because we just did an interview with them. We
talked about bat Boy, yes, and many many extracurricular activities that kids got
more jobs than Homer Simpson. Yeah, and more skill than Houdini, I
think. So listen to that. Go over to an Hour with your ex
and listen to Mel and Mark. We we visited them, talked about all
things are Christmas, Carol, the Charles Dickens class. We've mentioned them in
the past, and we shall continue to mention them in their future because not
only is their podcast terrific and fun to listen to, they're also our friends.
So it's a win win. They can be your friends too. They'll
come to your house. Mel is one of the most accomplished bakers in the
city of Chicago, so make friends with her and I'll tell you what.
I haven't seen it, but I'd be willing to bet my left arm that
Mark Coolum can make a cocktail that will make you weep. He just strikes
me as the kind of guy who really knows how to make a well crafted
cocktail. I can see that. And spoiler alert, we're gonna get a
bullstone with them soon. What squid pro row Clary's. That's that's the one,
you know, from when they were with squid Win to Harvard. Ye,
so yeah, lots of fun things. Bullstones and Adventures and other podcasts
and number one hundred one Heeldo, coming up right the Centurion. We we
really do want to want to make it good, so so we're gonna take
as much time as we need. Unfortunately. Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna
put that one in the oven to make sure that it's fully cooked. We're
gonna stick a toothpick in it, make sure it comes out clean. Yeah,
so um be looking for that. Um, We're we're hoping to get
it out before Christmas. There's a chance we'll get it out just a little
bit after Christmas. Happy New Years, one hundredth episode. So yeah,
well we're still working on it. We'll get there. So anyways, for
this episode of Blurry Photos, I have been Sir David Dear, and I
have been David Ambrosius Floriolanus, adis you did it to yourself? Shut up,
Florilanus. Iilling lowers to me. Bye. I'm turning you in for
the rewards, sasquatch, if you take your time to listen to him.
Alex Jones makes a lot of sets. I'm glad I bought his water filter.
I'm the best Pennsylvania has to offer. Sasquatch updating your sister. I
like the Star Wars prequels. I will have my kids vaccinated. If he
liked you that he should have put a ring on it. Springil Jack touched
by cocking balls. Spurgil Jack stops squeezing by squawk. You can do the
sprigil Jack stopped squeezing by squawk. Tit there so weird? What's it is
that? I it's a fine setting, little mantor easy, go there?
Are you gonna chatter? Excuse me? What? What's that? Who's that?
What you heard me? Right? Jackie boy? It pinches in Jeff
and spring Well, you just hit a Pennsylvania lottery. It's raining tits.
Hallelujah. It looks like we'll be taking a trip to Tittsburgh. Youns are
going to Tittsburgh. Hey Jack, a couple of pickets to Tittsburg, my
buddy, pickets. We're doing this for no one but us right now