WEBVTT

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And this guy took out his iPhone
and by the time he got it out

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of his pocket and turn the camera
on, I'm already behind three trees in

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a bush I mean being acripted as
grape. Oh. We've been hearing about

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these newings car droons. They're supposed
to be small, quick and quiet,

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and they have cameras to a whole
whistle two right, well that some of

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them have not vision and if they
find you, they won't leave. I

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have had a baby to steal your
children and make of them. Don't the

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woods where they make them do chores
before eating them? Horrible sharp id.

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Alright, alright, everybody calm down. These are just stories. And Bobby

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you go, I'm pretty sure you're
just talking about yourself with that last one.

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Ah. Sorry, Sasquatchah. No, we're not. All of them

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are stories. Oh we sold one
twas just last week. Oh. He

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was hiding in an alley waiting for
a noise young last to happen. Boy.

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Suddenly we became aware of a faint
buzzing sound behind me. I whirled

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around and there was the cursed ding
just floating there, staring right at me.

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Soul. It's red power light blanking
in the darkness. Sure, I

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thought that check us up, and
I react to dump your instinct. You

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what may did you leave me?
Oh no? We jumped at the wretched

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ding, breathing fire and slash and
claws. It fell to the ground in

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a melted, steaming heap like a
child's toy. D D D. Don't

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you see, everybody, there's nothing
to worry about. Let about those of

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us who can't jump. We don't
have cloths or firebreath. Shut up,

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squawk, We'll be fine. They
keep trying, We keep hiding. That's

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how it's always been, That's how
it's always gonna be. We're never caught.

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It's true, it's true. He
Crypton's have no fear before. We

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remain elusive. All the alt of
medicine. Legends have been told to hear

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you from. We're not going to
Rumbling Craig Park two. But since they're

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imaging, their tails won't take hold
of your roy We're never a cloth.

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They're wind and rain and snow.
We will stay hid in a fleeting glimps.

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We're just in after thought. Your
Dicken's for bedam. We have never

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called, never called, never cast. You know we all are quite bizarre,

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but we're never never caused. And
for us what that's just part Some

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humans do believe in our exist dance. They want some proof of concrete guarantee.

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But here's what they've forgotten. Where
he slippery is snuff stitiously surviving.

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We never called colin. You know, statistically, it's just a batter of

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time before we're all caught. Shut
Should you knock off that squat talk.

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We're the best damn hiders in the
whole world. Ain't nobody finding us?

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I go so far as to say
we are never getting caught, never caught,

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never called. Some people hunt us
like we're jobs, but we're never

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called, never called. We tiptoe
on our paws. We sometimes show our

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facing blurry forwardous wink a little glimpse
of fun for you to see, but

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don't get too distraught. We're just
in your the blind spot and serenititiously call

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feel like a musical dubber is the
terrible way to stay hidden shops guwk that

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is correct. We are ever sober
or right. Drink everybody. I'm David

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Floor, I am David Stecco.
Welcome to Blurry Photos. You are most

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welcome. Welcome to our penultimate,
oh hundredth episode Penultimant. Yeah, that's

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that is well done, really good
vocab there in this the winter of your

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content, coming right up on everybody's
favorite holiday. We knew it was on

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your Christmas last though. We just
shoved this episode right up your stocking all

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in time for foxmus Oh that's right, everybody, Uh Saturn Nailia mus the

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the the holiday devoted to being devoted
to sex. I just do you know

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what your boyfriend, your girlfriend,
just take a night and really think it

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through, maybe like read something like
really be like I'm gonna try a new

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technique that I think my boyfriend or
girlfriend is really going to be into.

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You know, like, let's roll
the dice here, people, it's Smiths.

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There's no wrong answers. Okay,
there's probably a ton of wrong answers,

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but guys, gals can't go wrong. Yeah, if nothing else,

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points for putting effort into pleasing the
women and men that you love. Yea,

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So the longest night of the year, make it count people today?

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Right, So I guess it's Lord's
Day. It's hard for for workings,

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but you know, hopefully you here's
the door. I've loved it open just

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for you. So anyways, you
have reached blurry photos, and I would

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love to know. I don't want
to belabor this point. I would love

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to know if anyone is attempting Saturnalia
Smiths any of these things. Unfortunately,

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I will be home for Christmas by
then, which many people are. I'm

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not saying this is an easy holiday
to pull off, but I'm I'm unfortunately

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not going to partake because I will
already be home for Christmas and spending time

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with my family. And it's not
it's not really in the carts. No,

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No, that's too bad. Yeah. But you know, if you're

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out there and home is where you
is, yeah, then do it up

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right, Yeah, exactly. If
home is where your heart is, then

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then home is where your heart is. Yeah, welcome to photos. About

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that, let's move on. You
know what, if you're fine us for

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the first time, Hi, Yeah, welcome, You're about to get launched

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into orbit because you are in the
ninety ninth episode of a really great podcast.

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That's right. And what we do
We take a subject that may be

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mysterious. It could be a cryptid
or a monster, something from the unexplained,

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something from the parent normal, something
you thought was explained, but it

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turns out you were wrong. You're
dead wrong. Uh, And we we

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talk about it in depth from the
crazy aspects of it all the way down

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to the skeptical what the hell is
actually going on aspects of it, and

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then we do ponds at the end, and all throughout we throw in a

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little little cheese whiz that is our
silly choices, some dumb jokes. So

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please don't be don't be uh ready
ready for us to just um, you

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know, talk like like we're robots
about something. No, we've been robots

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and it was Unfortunately I died.
I died fighting Flora had to tell me

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this. I died fighting a robot. O s bro. You're not supposed

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to do about that. Let's see
nice, all right? So what do

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we got for you to this?
I'm the one that's been drinking, no

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doubt. What does to this mean? It means tonight what we got for

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you to to now talking about King
Arthur. That's right, the King Arthur,

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The King Arthur, literally the man, comma, the myth, comma,

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the legend. It's the only person
that really applies to except for him

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and Jesus Sure Merlin and Randy the
Manchu man sadvage. We have talked about

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Merlin before. It was a fun
time. I would advise you to go

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back and listen to that at your
les year, but not Merlin Olsen,

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just Merlin. Well Merlin t Merlin
you bring you know what? He was

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in a movie that I randomly saw
because I was watching Mystery Signed Suit and

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he was in there. I think
anyway, talking about King Arthur tonight gonna

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be a lot of fun. Gonna
try and cram a lot of info man

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into your ears. Smoke some weed, everybody, because it's gonna be painful

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at times. And if you thought
that a lot was said about anything in

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general, you haven't looked up King
Arthur information. It's tough. And I'll

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tell you what. Like I know, Flora has done a ton of research.

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He's got pages and pages of densely
packed written notes. I did my

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work too, Uh. I watched
Jerry Bruckheimer's King Arthur, of which I

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lent, yeah, which I borrowed
from Flora. Now, I know what

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you're thinking. That's not really research. Really, it was the director's extended

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cut. So I hope you feel
a little dumb. Now, Yeah,

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there's no more movie to be watched. I watched the extended director's cut,

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so I pretty much know everything about
King Arthur. Now, that's right,

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and that's why we're recording now.
Yep uh, that's the Clive Owen version.

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Yeah, the way I love Clive
Owen, ker Knightley and Dylan's Scars

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Guard and many and many others.
Yeah, he's a Scars Guard. Oh

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Ray Stevenson, I love love him. He's the big dude with the acts

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and the ice. He was in
Rome and Race who sings everyone is beautiful?

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Well, maybe maybe flash, Maybe
I'm wrong. It was like late

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night infommercials for his late seventies comedy
albums. I should stop while while I'm

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behind. But that's it's a it's
a fun movie. You know. I

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didn't. I didn't know. It
was less less explosion e than I thought

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it would be. Yeah, but
we'll I think we'll talk about some of

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the you know, the modern stuff
towards the end, because we got to

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get to who King Arthur was,
We got to get to what his history

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was, What are some of the
facts behind the fiction, what are the

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fictions made out of facts? And
we're going to talk about the influences he's

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had that's led directly to that Clive
Owen version. Yeah, so let's let's

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first of all, let's just jump
into our machines and go back to the

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fifth and or sixth century. Oh
my goodness, we're gonna start real broad.

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We're gonna narrow it down as much
as we can. But side of

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a barn Son. That's how bra
I'm not a good hype man when when

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we start broad it's it's completely broad. And I'll tell you why, because

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there's so much about him. You
know what, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna

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save that. I'm actually gonna save
that morsel. I'm gonna I'm gonna tease

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you. This is going to be
a four hour podcast. Everybody strap it.

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So so Arthur, I see the
look in his eye. There's nothing

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anyone can do to stop this.
I was not able to get through all

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of the notes that I wanted to
take for this, so good. You

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know what, we could it could
easily be a two parter. We're gonna

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we're gonna try and part it,
summarize it as best, but we could

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talk about this for episodes. So
Arthur, King of the Britain's the once

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in Future King. It's a figure
of British legend who ruled a mostly unified

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Britain in the fifth and sixth century
CE in a brief shining moment of a

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golden age during the Dark Ages,
with his a magical sword Excalibur, and

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a host of loyal and skilled knights
and Merlin the Wizard as Merlin as the

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Wizard, He's like their wacky neighbor. He does he busts in. No,

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it's better if he's like Doc Brown. Yeah, we're sending to the

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future Artie Artis Calimer, keep going. Arthur defended Britain from invaders and in

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fighting, living with his beautiful Queen
Gwenevere at the idyllic court of Camelot,

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he epitomized the virtues of justice,
goodness, equality and chivalry, symbolized by

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his famous round table and the quests
he and his knights completed. Arthur's reign

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did not last long, however,
doomed by gwyne Year's affair with his champion

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Lancelot, and also by plotting from
his half sister Morgan le Fay and nephew

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Mordred. Mortally wounded defending Mordred about
him later I contribute Mortally wounded defending his

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kingdom from Mordred's army, Arthur was
whisked away to the mythical Isle of Avalon,

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where he sleeps while his wounds healed, to one day return as Britain's

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savior when it's people need him most. Yeah. So so World War two

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not it unless oh my gosh,
what if Churchill was Yeah, what a

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twist shall alan? So that is
your hugely broad overview. That's a very

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popular view of him, and I'll
get into that later. And it's important

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to note that Arthur can be discussed
in many ways, namely as one of

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three different characters, the mythic legend, the literary character, and the historical

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figure. And we'll discuss each of
them as each of them has blended throughout

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the centuries. Yeah, and it's
it's tough because, I mean, even

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the historical figure. First, you
got to clear the did he exist hurdle?

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Oh man, Yeah, pretty tall
hurdle. Yeah, And we're going

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to start with the most well known
aspects from the myth and the literature.

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This is just going through in a
little bit more detail some of the stuff

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that you might hear about these days
or some of the stuff. You get

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the bus stop and just trying to
buy some groceries, and somebody won't stop

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talking about notable kings of the Dark
Ages, Saxon invasions of Britain, swords

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that heel, wounds, and ladies
in lakes. So let's talk about his

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origins. That's a good place to
start. Yeah, think Arthur's conception is

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a fascinating tale in itself, an
erotic tale of interest within. With the

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Roman withdrawal in Britain, the land
fell into war with itself and in invading

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armies of picts, Irish and Saxons, picked says in picts, picts,

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naked fighters. British nobles took up
the fight to game power and repel the

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invaders, and among them was Aurelius
Ambrosius and his brother Uther. After a

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successful campaign, Ambrosius was crowned High
King of Britain, or pin Dragon,

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that's what they called him. But
he was soon poisoned, leaving Uther to

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be pin Dragon. Oh so either
way, you're gonna get one of the

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brothers, one of the Uther chief
You're You're on it. You're on it.

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The worst as the story goes.
Uther became enamored with Duke Gorlois of

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Cornwall's wife, Igrain. Dude,
what is all the wife's napping? Yeah?

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Well, seeing this, the Duke
took Igrain and hold up in their

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fortress called Tintagil. Uther gathered an
army and pursued them because his pants were

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on fire, burning loins. Yeah, golf Helena Troy. We got his

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grain in Britain. Ye, And
then when he got there, he couldn't

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break Tintagil's defenses. Tintagil is this. It's almost like a little um peninsular

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type of a place. It's just
sticking out. There's only one way to

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get to the main part of it, where the fortress was, and that

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was this very narrow gap. And
there's water on all sides, big cliffs.

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It's a great fortress. Yeah.
And with advice from Merlin the Wizard

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and prophetic wild men. Why hey, everybody, I'm Merlin. Who wants

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the balloon? What is this balloon? Thou speakest of? I don't worry

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about it all? How about to
go chase the duck mullin my most trusted

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adviser, Heye, Uther attacked a
different castle of the dukes and having to

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defend it. The Duke left Tintadgel
and Uther had Merlin changed him into a

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likeness of the Duke so he could
just walk into the fortress and take a

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grain unharmed. Woo polyjuice potion the
time. That's what that's what it sounds

200
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like. And he took her.
He took her, he knew her biblically.

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Who Meanwhile, the Duke slain in
the battle at the other castle.

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Each and then Uther took Igrain as
his wife. Took her again. She

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done took, she got she bore
a son, Arthur, and Merlin took

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the boy away for safe keeping.
Nine. Sorry about it, Merlin,

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00:19:26.279 --> 00:19:30.039
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Merlin had made a deal with Uther

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that he would change him into looking
like the Duke of Cornwall if he could

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have his son. So Uther agreed
because his pants were on. I don't

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know why. Ugrain must have must
have been banging yo. Yeah, so

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00:19:52.359 --> 00:19:57.319
Uther had no choice but to give
Arthur to Merlin. I think I technically,

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00:19:57.359 --> 00:20:03.000
I mean, I don't know if
apple bottom jeans even existed then,

211
00:20:03.079 --> 00:20:06.960
but pretty much everybody had the boots
with the fur. Yeah, so I

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00:20:06.960 --> 00:20:08.799
don't know. Well, she she
had the whole court looking at her.

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So yeah, that's short of getting
low. Yeah, she hit the flow.

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Oh you would think the huge amount
of information we have to get through

215
00:20:21.039 --> 00:20:25.319
it mean we'd go through it faster. But no. Uther was poisoned not

216
00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:33.279
long after that. Another interesting fact. Everybody getting poisoned was poisoned. I've

217
00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:37.759
been poisoned. So that that led
to more civil war like it does.

218
00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:41.440
Yeah, you know that that.
There's no king. Yeah, happened twice.

219
00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:48.119
Power vacuum. Everybody starts fighting Britain
on Britain, Hot Britain on Britain

220
00:20:48.160 --> 00:20:52.559
action. Arthur was taken to a
night named Sir Ector, who had a

221
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son named Ka and was raised by
Ector and his wife. Andctor, by

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00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:06.160
all accounts, was a very noble
and good man. Not necessarily noble as

223
00:21:06.200 --> 00:21:08.279
in rich, I don't think,
but I think he was a knight.

224
00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:12.119
Yeah, he was all right,
but knights weren't like poor. Now,

225
00:21:12.160 --> 00:21:15.119
it took a lot of money to
field a knight, but he was very

226
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virtuous. He taught Arthur to live
well and be well and do well at

227
00:21:19.599 --> 00:21:23.920
him yoga, a little yoga in
there. Some plates showed him how to

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make a really good kale salad.
So you know, in about fifteen years

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time, still no king, no, no high King of Britain. Everybody's

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fighting. Merlin contrives this plan to
get the king. Basically, and like

231
00:21:38.119 --> 00:21:41.599
we said, Merlin's prophetic he can
see the future. It's it was said

232
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that Merlin aged backwards, so that
that caused him to already know what was

233
00:21:48.200 --> 00:21:52.440
going to happen to Benjamin Button style
sorta. I guess. Okay, so

234
00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:55.400
that's how he got his prophetic power. But he already knew that Arthur was

235
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destined for great things. He knew
that the trick that he set up would

236
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lead to Arthur they're being crown king. And the trick that he set up

237
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was to place a sword in a
stone and Annville in Londonton, which at

238
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the time was so new it wasn't
even jolly, No, not old,

239
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not old, not jolly. It
was like disgruntled new Londonton. Yep.

240
00:22:22.359 --> 00:22:27.039
Um, Londonville. I guess that
would be like London shure Upon Abbey or

241
00:22:27.079 --> 00:22:34.240
something. Um. The name has
changed a lot, so he it was

242
00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:38.799
it was Christmas time tis the season. Yeah, well, that's why that's

243
00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:44.920
why everyone has an arthur ornament on
their tree. And it was decided that

244
00:22:45.400 --> 00:22:48.559
whoso pulleth out the sword from this
stone and anvil is the rightful and true

245
00:22:48.599 --> 00:22:53.079
born high King of the Britons.
So high, too right. And they

246
00:22:53.240 --> 00:22:56.359
they held a bunch of games.
It was, you know, fun time,

247
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Christmas, Christmas time in Londonton.
Pull that swords on, pull it,

248
00:23:00.079 --> 00:23:04.200
pull it out, get yourself a
king. M So everybody tried.

249
00:23:04.799 --> 00:23:10.079
Of course, the people who thought
themselves to be you know, prim and

250
00:23:10.119 --> 00:23:15.680
proper and the best of the best, shoved everybody aside and tried first dicks,

251
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and they were shown to be the
dicks they are. They they failed.

252
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In fact, no one could pull
the sword from the anvil in the

253
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stone. That was a problem.
So during this uh, there were there

254
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:34.039
were there was jousting, there were
duels, you know, funnel cakes,

255
00:23:34.160 --> 00:23:40.599
Yeah, I'm sure there were knockover
yield diok bottles with with yon, softball,

256
00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:52.880
deep fried turnips um, so everybody's
having a good times. Tried the

257
00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:59.160
deep fried sheep's wool mid thinks,
they shout, attempted to deep fry all

258
00:24:00.039 --> 00:24:06.720
naught shall escaped the deep flyer,
having said such, I too shall try

259
00:24:06.759 --> 00:24:12.079
the sheep's wool, try thine hand, and don't toss. Actually a r

260
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:18.039
tte tss. Back then, though, like there was no archery booths or

261
00:24:18.119 --> 00:24:22.480
knife throwing. That was just like
you just did that anyway. Yeah,

262
00:24:22.599 --> 00:24:26.319
everybody you could do that. So
it was it was the stand here and

263
00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:32.000
do nothing booth. Yeah, starve
for ten minutes. It's a good time

264
00:24:32.039 --> 00:24:33.799
to point out that. Uh,
just about every year, Floria and I

265
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:41.519
go to the Renaissance Fair and every
year we um we duel over medieval weaponry.

266
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We um, we test our might
with axe throwing, knife throwing and

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00:24:48.160 --> 00:24:52.240
archery. Um, and Flora always
kicks my ass. I think I want

268
00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:56.119
axe throwing this. I didn't even
try axe throwing this, so I won

269
00:24:56.200 --> 00:24:59.799
because I intimidated. Yeah, yeah, that was it. But there's there's

270
00:24:59.839 --> 00:25:03.960
not a good way to do the
archery though. Um it's too subjective.

271
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But Flora head as an unbeaten streak
of whooping my ass at knife throwing.

272
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I could throw a knife, not
very well, but enough to beat your

273
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ass. So so everybody's having games. There's there's a duel, now,

274
00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:23.880
kay. Being the son of surrector
allowed to participate in these games is up

275
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up to duel, waiting to do
his dueling. He's swinging like four swords

276
00:25:29.799 --> 00:25:32.480
at the same time, or like
a sword of the big weight attached to

277
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the end. And it's yeah,
not a real sword because it because it's

278
00:25:36.759 --> 00:25:41.640
waited and it's just for practice.
But oh, they forgot his sword.

279
00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:47.319
I think Arthur's the one that forgot
Arthur's squiring. Kay forgot his sword.

280
00:25:47.440 --> 00:25:51.359
I don't know if there's a worst
mistake of squire can make right that that's

281
00:25:52.000 --> 00:25:56.240
the first thing they tell you on
squire school day one. Don't forget the

282
00:25:56.720 --> 00:26:00.880
sword, dude. He forgot it. So he is scrambling around trying to

283
00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:07.200
find a replacement sword. He can't
steal one from anybody. Everybody's everybody has

284
00:26:07.359 --> 00:26:15.039
their swords on lockdown. So he
stumbles into the courtyard of the church nearby,

285
00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:18.720
and what does he see but lo
and behold there's a sword. It's

286
00:26:18.839 --> 00:26:22.079
right there, just sitting there.
No one's even touching at Nope, and

287
00:26:22.599 --> 00:26:29.519
know what, nobody's even around and
he thinks, perfect crime. Mate runs

288
00:26:29.559 --> 00:26:33.480
over to it, pulls it out, runs back to Kay, says,

289
00:26:33.640 --> 00:26:37.599
Kay, get you a sword,
bro. Somebody just had this laying around.

290
00:26:37.720 --> 00:26:44.519
You're in business brother Yeah, and
K K and X surrector see the

291
00:26:44.599 --> 00:26:49.240
sword and and pretty much themselves because
they realize what sword it was, and

292
00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:52.920
they say, where the did you
get this? Arthur tells him is just

293
00:26:53.039 --> 00:26:56.000
in the church courtyard, pulled it
out of the stone, No big deal.

294
00:26:56.359 --> 00:27:02.359
And apparently Arthur had no idea out
the whole pull this out, be

295
00:27:02.519 --> 00:27:06.640
king. So they stop the games. They make him go back to the

296
00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:11.319
stone, put the sword back in, and pull it out again in front

297
00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:15.160
of everybody. And of course everybody, you know, it's like, what

298
00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:22.240
the fuck And a lot of people, especially the older doucheer knights and people

299
00:27:22.279 --> 00:27:26.000
who thought they had the right to
rule Britain, got real mad, made

300
00:27:26.039 --> 00:27:27.319
him put the sword back in and
then went up to it and tried to

301
00:27:27.359 --> 00:27:32.519
pull it out again, right like
he loosened it. So now what did

302
00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:37.400
what? Dicks? And they couldn't, oh, couldn't do it. And

303
00:27:37.559 --> 00:27:45.440
so Arthur goes back up, pulls
it out yet again, and Merlin Merlin

304
00:27:45.599 --> 00:27:48.480
and the archbishop is there and they're
both like, you know what, we've

305
00:27:48.519 --> 00:27:57.519
seen enough new king, but not
cakes, three tickets, finest tunnups.

306
00:28:00.119 --> 00:28:03.960
Not. Everybody was so happy they
had found their king. There were six

307
00:28:04.359 --> 00:28:10.720
rebellious kings. I thought you were
gonna stay republicans. There were six rebellious

308
00:28:10.839 --> 00:28:15.680
kings who defied his right to be
a king at that point. Well,

309
00:28:15.680 --> 00:28:22.720
they didn't trust the rock and the
sord. They and I say kings,

310
00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:26.480
because everybody was a king of their
own territory. Back then. It was

311
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:30.359
like warlord stuff. Everybody had their
own little yeah, their their heel,

312
00:28:30.759 --> 00:28:33.240
their sad little heel, and they
were the sad little king of it.

313
00:28:33.960 --> 00:28:38.759
I don't know. Some of those
hills were pretty boss dude tintagil, and

314
00:28:40.519 --> 00:28:45.440
they went to war against against young
mister Arthur, call him king. He

315
00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:52.559
didn't go through Stone School for he
didn't go to Stone Pulling School for nothing.

316
00:28:52.640 --> 00:28:57.440
So these six rebellious kings raised armies
and fought against him. Arthur defeated

317
00:28:57.480 --> 00:29:04.359
them all, oh, but then
they regrouped with more rebels. Again.

318
00:29:04.839 --> 00:29:11.480
Arthur defeated them all oh two x
and all of a sudden down. There

319
00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:15.680
was about twelve huge battles that he
fought in won them all in the final

320
00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:19.200
battle, the Battle of Mons Budonicus
or Mount Baden, he was it was

321
00:29:19.279 --> 00:29:25.680
said he single handedly killed nine hundred
and sixty men. I don't think I

322
00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:30.880
could single handedly do anything nine hundred
and sixty times. Not in not in

323
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:34.759
a one one campaign. Nope,
this solidified his right. He was all

324
00:29:34.799 --> 00:29:41.160
head no scope, head shot,
yeah, kill streak, and he began

325
00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:48.160
healing the war torn land. Oh
because I heard he died then? Yeah?

326
00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:51.599
Wrong, Oh, because I mean
I just I just stopped writing notes.

327
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:52.440
At that point. I was like, oh, he died just because

328
00:29:52.440 --> 00:29:56.200
he stopped writing. No, it
doesn't mean they did. No, No,

329
00:29:56.319 --> 00:30:00.200
No, it's a pretty powerful notebook
I've got here. Arthur went the

330
00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:03.640
sword and the stone. He grasped
the handle at the end. He died.

331
00:30:07.559 --> 00:30:15.359
Not long after this, he meets
Guinevere, daughter of King Me.

332
00:30:19.119 --> 00:30:23.319
Oh, you've stopped, you've stopped, okay, and they marry yep,

333
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:27.319
yeehaw. Her milkshape brought all the
knights to the yard, and that's right.

334
00:30:27.880 --> 00:30:33.519
It's better than yours, by divine
right, it's better than yours.

335
00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:37.519
I could teach you, but you
haven't did the coinage to go to Stone

336
00:30:37.640 --> 00:30:44.519
school. She could teach you,
but you'd have to swear fealty. Uh.

337
00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:53.119
Leon grins. Her father gifts Arthur
a round table as Dowry around table

338
00:30:53.359 --> 00:30:59.759
ever heard of it. There are
conflicting accounts moving on of how Arthur obtained

339
00:31:00.359 --> 00:31:06.920
Excalibur really his sword. In some
it is the sword in the stone Yep.

340
00:31:07.400 --> 00:31:11.759
In others that sword is broken in
a duel with fella named Pellinore.

341
00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:18.160
Merlin then took Arthur to a magical
lake where lived a water spirit named a

342
00:31:18.319 --> 00:31:25.119
Vivienne, the lady of the lake
who held aloft Excalibur, her arm clad

343
00:31:25.240 --> 00:31:30.599
in the purest shimmering, say,
might listen, strange women line, Ye,

344
00:31:32.839 --> 00:31:36.160
no, basis how far we were, like, that's pretty good.

345
00:31:36.160 --> 00:31:45.000
We did forty minutes in before that
finally reared its head, supreme executive power

346
00:31:45.519 --> 00:31:49.519
from a mandate from the masses.
Dude, Not for some farcical aquatic ceremony.

347
00:31:51.279 --> 00:31:52.640
Nope, that's it. That's as
much as we're allowed to do.

348
00:31:52.759 --> 00:31:57.319
We just hit maximum tiger. You
can't hit maximum of that. Excalibur was

349
00:31:57.400 --> 00:32:05.759
likened to a sun blade she forged
on the Aisle of Avalon, shining blindingly.

350
00:32:05.799 --> 00:32:12.240
When drawn, able to cut through
iron, it's scabbard kept wounds from

351
00:32:12.359 --> 00:32:17.440
bleeding. George Sukla sound it is
such a thing even possible? Yes,

352
00:32:17.559 --> 00:32:23.799
it is. I'm just saying dude, shoe fancy and so a laser sword

353
00:32:23.880 --> 00:32:28.799
that fell from having embedded itself in
a rock. He pulled it out.

354
00:32:29.160 --> 00:32:31.400
Now he's got a laser, so
it's probably some sort of bound plasma in

355
00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:37.400
magnetic matrix and he can cut through
anything with it. I mean, there's

356
00:32:37.400 --> 00:32:43.400
a there's a couple of Lady of
the lake, gray alien water breathing at

357
00:32:43.440 --> 00:32:45.720
you. Yeah, exactly, but
this but the but this sword is different

358
00:32:45.720 --> 00:32:49.359
from the sword in the stone,
so it couldn't have felt fallen down embedded

359
00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:52.799
in a rock. So how does
it heal him? How does it keep

360
00:32:52.839 --> 00:32:57.000
stuff from bleeding? Oh? Really, a scalpel cuts and it heals you.

361
00:32:58.960 --> 00:33:04.039
What? Yeah, it does,
saves your life. Scalpel see it

362
00:33:04.160 --> 00:33:07.960
cuts. Listen. We're dealing with
how people wrote these things down. I

363
00:33:07.000 --> 00:33:13.319
would rather you had said, a
little gray alien jumped out and sewed him

364
00:33:13.400 --> 00:33:19.079
up. What if it was just
set help done? But laser sword,

365
00:33:19.599 --> 00:33:22.799
no it No, it keeps his
wounds from from At least we can all

366
00:33:22.839 --> 00:33:28.319
agree that there was no crossbar to
it, because there's one thing I know

367
00:33:28.359 --> 00:33:31.400
about laser swords is that you can
do a lot with them until you put

368
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:36.519
a crossbar on it. Then the
entire world loses it's damp mind. That

369
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:40.279
is true, that that statement is
true. I'm looking forward to it.

370
00:33:43.400 --> 00:33:46.240
Um. That's that's Excalibur. Pretty
cool. Let's talk about the Knights a

371
00:33:46.319 --> 00:33:51.279
little bit. I gotta George Sukila
sound, did you really did the King

372
00:33:51.480 --> 00:33:55.279
Arthur episode? You totally did?
You critique impressive? Which actually, uh,

373
00:33:55.720 --> 00:34:00.400
if anyone out there is Big Stargate
SG one fan, there's a whole

374
00:34:00.599 --> 00:34:07.079
episode about Arthur and Merlin and that
they were actually like super evolved d alien

375
00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:10.639
people with lots of information. Oh
yeah, sorry, Moving on, talk

376
00:34:10.639 --> 00:34:14.320
about the Knights for a little bit. Would you would you like me to

377
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:20.519
um name the Knights? Thirteen thirteen
knights yep? Okay, each more delicate

378
00:34:20.559 --> 00:34:23.159
than the last, that's true,
which is also the number of a coven,

379
00:34:23.440 --> 00:34:28.880
same number as the Apostles were,
like twenty four that could fit at

380
00:34:28.920 --> 00:34:32.800
the table. But he employed a
ton more Knights in his Yeah, but

381
00:34:32.840 --> 00:34:37.280
they didn't have privileges. But they
didn't have table privileges. The table was

382
00:34:37.320 --> 00:34:39.400
reserved for the bast of the bast
Yep. There's thirteen numbers, okay,

383
00:34:39.719 --> 00:34:46.440
and they were Sir Arthur, who
Yeah, Sir Lancelot, Sir Gawain,

384
00:34:47.639 --> 00:34:54.760
Sir Juraint, Sir Gareth, Sir
ga Harris, Sir Bedevere, Sir Galahad,

385
00:34:55.000 --> 00:35:01.679
Sir Kay, Sir bors de Gans, Sir Lamorak, Sir Tristan,

386
00:35:02.280 --> 00:35:07.159
and Sir Percival a few of the
bigger names there. Betevie, one of

387
00:35:07.280 --> 00:35:13.960
Arthur's earliest supporters and one of his
most loyal. Gawayne, Arthur's nephew,

388
00:35:14.960 --> 00:35:19.840
also a great knight, does his
job Will whose job in the movie is

389
00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:22.320
to be the reaction go to guy. Yeah, you never see him do

390
00:35:22.440 --> 00:35:25.199
anything, but it's just like are
we laughing? And it's just shot him?

391
00:35:27.079 --> 00:35:30.000
Are we sad? I'm very upset
right now? He is. His

392
00:35:30.360 --> 00:35:35.119
sole purpose in the movie is like
the emotional barometer for the all of the

393
00:35:35.239 --> 00:35:38.880
knights in the Clive Owen. Yeah. Yeah. Gawayne also has a very

394
00:35:38.920 --> 00:35:44.119
cool story which we don't have time
to tell, but moving on, but

395
00:35:46.559 --> 00:35:51.360
if you knew it, when you
get a chance, go look up the

396
00:35:51.440 --> 00:35:55.679
story of Gawayne and the Green Night. Very fun story that the Gawayne has

397
00:35:55.719 --> 00:36:00.960
to face this. Uh, some
people call him an un dead Night,

398
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:05.480
but that's just because Gawayne cuts his
head off and the night picks it back

399
00:36:05.559 --> 00:36:07.719
up, puts it back on,
and it's like, see you next year.

400
00:36:09.639 --> 00:36:13.840
But um, it's a it's a
cool, cool little story. Gawayne

401
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:19.079
versus the Green Knight and Lancelot,
I have French Night, or at least

402
00:36:19.119 --> 00:36:23.239
from France. Lancelot Dulac, finest
warrior in the land, who also falls

403
00:36:23.239 --> 00:36:31.239
in love with Guenevere. Problems m
Guenevere, a hope of show. I

404
00:36:31.280 --> 00:36:37.159
hadn't told y'all she had milkshake.
You know she's into that Lance a lot

405
00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:45.960
pants Lance, she's going deep pants
Lane. Put him in a train and

406
00:36:45.159 --> 00:36:54.280
hassman, Lady that I've seen mine
pants Lance. The whole nay at the

407
00:36:54.480 --> 00:37:02.039
worst. Galahad was the son of
Lancelot. He was also the most chivalrist

408
00:37:02.239 --> 00:37:07.000
and the purest of the knights,
which I bet is so irritating if you

409
00:37:07.039 --> 00:37:09.679
have to share a castle with him. He's like the guy. He's like,

410
00:37:09.760 --> 00:37:12.440
no, no, no, you
go first, No no no,

411
00:37:12.559 --> 00:37:15.320
no, I no, I insist
you go first, and then when you

412
00:37:15.400 --> 00:37:22.039
do, he goes really irritating it. You know what's worse, he doesn't

413
00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:24.000
even know he's doing it. He
doesn't even know he's doing it. That's

414
00:37:24.039 --> 00:37:27.920
the worst. He thinks he's doing
it right. Of course, the Knights,

415
00:37:28.360 --> 00:37:32.519
their whole delio was they sat around
and waited for quests to pop up

416
00:37:32.599 --> 00:37:37.239
so they could go on. They're
like rpging the whole time. Yea's just

417
00:37:37.480 --> 00:37:44.559
waiting for a dragon to slay or
a damsel to save and the yellow exclamation

418
00:37:44.639 --> 00:37:49.480
point to appear on the horizon.
Real quick, let's touch on the quest

419
00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:57.320
for the Grail. That sounds boring, all right, Moving on, It's

420
00:37:57.400 --> 00:38:00.559
not boring. It's so exciting.
It's so exciting. It's very exciting.

421
00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:05.199
You might want to hear more about
it. I don't know, you ever

422
00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:14.320
heard of the Grail? You ever
heard of this thing? Foreshadowing sound?

423
00:38:24.639 --> 00:38:30.519
The Grail? The cup that Christ
used at the Last Supper, the cup

424
00:38:30.639 --> 00:38:34.559
that Joseph of Arimathea caught the blood
of Christ in as he hung on the

425
00:38:34.639 --> 00:38:40.440
cross, the most holy Christian artifact
ever, maybe except for the Ark of

426
00:38:40.480 --> 00:38:44.880
the Covenant. I don't know,
man, it's a horse race. It

427
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:51.239
really just depends on which movie you
liked. And this a vision of the

428
00:38:51.320 --> 00:38:57.760
Grail appeared at the Round Table one
night, and the Nights vowed to find

429
00:38:57.840 --> 00:39:00.760
it. It was a perilous task, to say the least. A lot

430
00:39:00.800 --> 00:39:04.440
of knights, A lot of knights
tried. A lot of knights failed.

431
00:39:04.920 --> 00:39:09.559
Oh some with um you know they
say, they say it's the last place

432
00:39:09.639 --> 00:39:16.039
you look. Well, yeah,
they checked the garage. No, because

433
00:39:16.039 --> 00:39:22.559
they didn't have one Yon stables.
Only the bravest and most pure would find

434
00:39:22.639 --> 00:39:31.199
it. Lancelot actually saw it,
but owing to some extramarital affairs that he

435
00:39:31.320 --> 00:39:35.920
was involved in. Man, couldn't
get it, dude, keep it in

436
00:39:36.079 --> 00:39:39.039
your pants. A lot is what
you need to do. Couldn't couldn't do

437
00:39:39.079 --> 00:39:45.239
it, Broseph, I mean wars
were fought over girls back then. That's

438
00:39:45.280 --> 00:39:57.360
true that his problem was that he
didn't lance a little. Uh. Galahad

439
00:39:57.599 --> 00:40:00.719
is actually the one, his son
Lancelots is actually one that finds it and

440
00:40:00.920 --> 00:40:05.119
is allowed to partake of it and
then enter into heaven eventually. Wow,

441
00:40:05.199 --> 00:40:07.559
way to go. Yeah ahead,
did it? And there's there's only the

442
00:40:07.639 --> 00:40:10.719
penitent shall pass. Well, there's
there's a part that it took him to

443
00:40:10.840 --> 00:40:15.480
the to the Middle East. I
think with a couple other guys. Maybe

444
00:40:15.559 --> 00:40:20.440
Boors was one of them, and
maybe personal I'm not sure, but um,

445
00:40:20.639 --> 00:40:23.039
I don't know. They get to
the Middle East. He then goes

446
00:40:23.079 --> 00:40:28.159
into heaven. It's kind of what
they talked about. But I guess it

447
00:40:28.280 --> 00:40:31.599
goes to Petra. Yeah, that's
where Indiana Jones found it, So that's

448
00:40:31.679 --> 00:40:35.880
right. And it was down there
and he's you know, he's still down

449
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:40.639
there guarding it. And he's an
old man and the pesky Germans. Arthur's

450
00:40:40.719 --> 00:40:50.000
downfall we just mentioned. After Lancelot
and Guinevere got it on. Oh not

451
00:40:50.360 --> 00:40:54.800
long, what a betrayal. Arthur
chases Lancelot to France. No no,

452
00:40:54.880 --> 00:41:00.679
no, no, no, no
no uh and and this is this is

453
00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:04.440
the It put Arthur in a tough
spot. Arthur was he knew something was

454
00:41:04.519 --> 00:41:07.239
up, yea, because you know, you know, you know, he

455
00:41:07.400 --> 00:41:13.320
caught Bay tripping. Still love her, still love her, but she hoo.

456
00:41:15.800 --> 00:41:21.239
He was torn between um defending her, which a lot of people got

457
00:41:21.519 --> 00:41:25.519
real tired of her and Lancelot shit, so they they tried to call him

458
00:41:25.519 --> 00:41:29.199
out, try to tell Arthur.
He said, no way, man,

459
00:41:29.679 --> 00:41:31.719
this she's better than that, He's
better than that. This isn't happening,

460
00:41:31.760 --> 00:41:37.440
So he denied it. A Lancelot
had to fight whoever accused him, and

461
00:41:37.559 --> 00:41:42.239
of course he was the best that
was, so he never lost, so

462
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:46.480
everybody had to retract it there h
so lame. Yeah, So it's like

463
00:41:46.599 --> 00:41:52.719
that's like the Church of Scientology.
It's it's eventually found out because it went

464
00:41:52.760 --> 00:41:58.840
on for a while. And Arthur
is torn between his love for Guinevere and

465
00:41:59.360 --> 00:42:05.199
his love for justice, sweet delicious
justice, And since he didn't want the

466
00:42:05.239 --> 00:42:13.400
whole kingdom falling into complete disarray from
lack of leadership, he has Guenevere burned

467
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:16.000
at the steak. So he's got
her tied to the steak, got the

468
00:42:17.440 --> 00:42:22.639
piles of wood propped up around her. Why why is everything so melodramatic with

469
00:42:22.679 --> 00:42:29.360
these people? And he's watching as
you know, they're they're bringing the torches

470
00:42:29.559 --> 00:42:32.920
to her, and then Lancelot swoops
in, snatches her up, kills a

471
00:42:34.000 --> 00:42:37.800
bunch of Arthur's knights, and then
flees to France. I don't zee.

472
00:42:39.880 --> 00:42:45.360
Arthur follows him, He pursues him, gets Guenever back, and so begins

473
00:42:45.920 --> 00:42:52.639
an unending mmity between England and France. Well Arthur, Arthur gets Guenevere back,

474
00:42:52.639 --> 00:42:57.039
but Guenevere's so you know, like
she can't even show her face,

475
00:42:57.119 --> 00:43:00.519
so she becomes a nun. Arthur
Arthur Chase's land. It's a lot back

476
00:43:00.559 --> 00:43:07.639
to castle in France. Meanwhile,
Arthur's nephew, Mordred, who's who's been

477
00:43:07.760 --> 00:43:12.960
trolling around the camelot for for a
while. Arthur's like, you know what

478
00:43:13.559 --> 00:43:16.880
you need to watch. Watch the
house while I'm gone. Just you know,

479
00:43:17.199 --> 00:43:21.519
feed the cats, make sure they
have water and everything. Just water

480
00:43:21.599 --> 00:43:24.480
the plants here and there. Take
the mail in. Yeah, bring bringing

481
00:43:24.519 --> 00:43:28.800
the mail. Don't even try to
do the fern is very particularly, I

482
00:43:28.800 --> 00:43:30.920
already took care of it. Don't
mess at the fern and um, and

483
00:43:31.039 --> 00:43:37.000
he says, you watch while I'm
gone. Well, Mordred starts ordering on

484
00:43:37.079 --> 00:43:43.519
pay per view. Mordred takes the
throne for himself. Oh, changes the

485
00:43:43.559 --> 00:43:50.800
password on the WiFi and which is
the same thing. And Mordred is the

486
00:43:51.360 --> 00:43:53.480
son of Morgan la Fay. Now
Morgan la Fay, as we mentioned,

487
00:43:54.079 --> 00:44:00.760
is Arthur's half sister. She was
the daughter of the Duke of Cornwall and

488
00:44:00.920 --> 00:44:06.840
a Grain back in the day before
Uther and a Grain got it on and

489
00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:13.679
a classic foil. Yeah, she's
by all accounts a witch. She's very

490
00:44:13.760 --> 00:44:19.480
practiced in the dark arts and very
manipulative and plotting. Of course, that's

491
00:44:19.519 --> 00:44:22.760
what history says. Every time a
woman's ill behaved, she made history.

492
00:44:22.920 --> 00:44:25.920
She was she wasn't about that glass
ceiling, even though they didn't really have

493
00:44:25.920 --> 00:44:32.159
a lot of glass. Then and
her son Mordred, she conspires to put

494
00:44:32.239 --> 00:44:37.719
him on the throne, and Arthur
turns around forgets about. Lancelot comes back

495
00:44:37.800 --> 00:44:43.920
to take his throne back, and
in the ensuing madness, Morgan la Faye

496
00:44:44.320 --> 00:44:50.599
snatches Excalibur from Arthur, and Arthur
manages to get it back, but she

497
00:44:50.760 --> 00:44:53.559
has already thrown the scabbard into a
lake, never to be seen again.

498
00:44:54.039 --> 00:45:00.320
So that nice scabbard that was magical
and everything no longer in his poss position.

499
00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:06.880
He and Mordred meet at the Battle
of Camlon and mortally wound each other

500
00:45:07.360 --> 00:45:13.159
oh double stabs, and before being
put on a boat to Avalon, Arthur

501
00:45:13.880 --> 00:45:20.239
gives his crown to his cousin Constantine
of Cornwall, who then becomes the new

502
00:45:20.360 --> 00:45:25.159
King of Britain. And then he
Arthur floats away into the mists, the

503
00:45:25.239 --> 00:45:31.440
mists of what Avalon. Also,
he tells Bedevere, who's who's there with

504
00:45:31.559 --> 00:45:36.480
him as he lay dying, to
take Excalibur and throw it back in the

505
00:45:36.559 --> 00:45:39.760
lake for the lady of the lake, and Bedevere takes the sword and he

506
00:45:39.800 --> 00:45:42.480
gets to the lake and he's like, you know what, this is a

507
00:45:42.559 --> 00:45:45.519
damn good sword. Yeah, I'm
just I'm gonna stash it. I'm gonna

508
00:45:45.559 --> 00:45:47.639
tell Arthur that I threw it away, but I'm not gonna do because you

509
00:45:47.679 --> 00:45:52.000
can't lose a weapon this nice.
He goes back and he says, all

510
00:45:52.079 --> 00:46:00.440
right, job's done. And Arthur's
like, well, when you threw it

511
00:46:00.440 --> 00:46:06.000
in the lake, what happened?
And Betever's like, bah, nothing And

512
00:46:06.159 --> 00:46:09.039
Arthur's like, you lying little shit, Go and throw the sword in the

513
00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:13.840
lake like I asked. So Betever
goes back and he's just about to throw

514
00:46:13.920 --> 00:46:15.840
in the lake and he s there's
a palladion living in the lake. Two

515
00:46:15.960 --> 00:46:20.880
things, she's gonna catch the sword
in mid throw. Two she's gonna teach

516
00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:25.320
you physics while you Yeah. Betever
didn't believe him. Yeah, once again,

517
00:46:25.360 --> 00:46:29.079
he stashes the sword, comes back
to Arthur. Arthur says, what

518
00:46:29.159 --> 00:46:34.880
happened when you threw it in the
lake? Betterver's like it with under the

519
00:46:34.960 --> 00:46:38.360
water yep, like crazy. Arthur's
like, you, you son of a

520
00:46:38.440 --> 00:46:45.199
bitch, You stupid twice. Flyre
you little twat, go and throw my

521
00:46:45.320 --> 00:46:53.239
sword in the lake like I asked. I'm dying. It's a request part

522
00:46:53.280 --> 00:46:59.880
of this starn't you getting dig the
shit out of your ears, gonna change

523
00:46:59.880 --> 00:47:05.760
your don't even start bade her nice. So Bedever goes back, takes the

524
00:47:05.840 --> 00:47:09.000
sword and it's like fine ass.
He throws it in the lake, an

525
00:47:09.159 --> 00:47:13.679
arm shoots up, grabs a sword
and takes it under the under the waves

526
00:47:13.679 --> 00:47:15.360
and Bettervi's like his pants because he's
like, wow, he was right.

527
00:47:15.639 --> 00:47:22.280
Where's my physics lesson? He goes
back to Arthur and Arthur's like, now,

528
00:47:22.400 --> 00:47:27.760
what what nothing happened? Did you
just just just throw it in there

529
00:47:27.760 --> 00:47:30.360
and get a bit in the kiddie
pools, just go down there and just

530
00:47:30.480 --> 00:47:34.400
scoob a diye for it And Bedever's
like no, So everything was cool.

531
00:47:34.760 --> 00:47:38.159
So that's that. Turns out Jason
Vorhee's mom lives in the lake and now

532
00:47:38.239 --> 00:47:46.119
she's got a sword. Those are
those are very very popular? Yeah,

533
00:47:47.000 --> 00:47:51.800
story so popular. You probably heard
about him in a mall. You Yeah,

534
00:47:52.159 --> 00:47:54.880
that's true. Outside of the Abercabie
and Fitch's what are you talking about,

535
00:47:54.880 --> 00:47:58.719
it's a popular place in the mall. It's where popular ideas are exchanged.

536
00:47:58.760 --> 00:48:02.599
I see, guess, guess you're
not popular. It was not a

537
00:48:02.679 --> 00:48:07.960
surf had to have that explained to
you. That did not a surf sing

538
00:48:07.119 --> 00:48:12.239
sing about that. I don't know. Let's go through some history and facts.

539
00:48:12.440 --> 00:48:19.280
Yeah, hard facts are as hard
history. The first written account of

540
00:48:20.199 --> 00:48:25.519
Arthur by the Welsh cleric Ninius,
who probably got picked on a lot permanent

541
00:48:25.559 --> 00:48:30.920
widgie and it was and he was
discussing the as Flora was to saying the

542
00:48:30.039 --> 00:48:37.199
twelve battles in which Arthur fought,
and that was in the Historia Britonum yep

543
00:48:37.400 --> 00:48:42.679
in the year age thirty. There
is a timeline that people have kind of

544
00:48:42.719 --> 00:48:49.800
pieced together that goes through some interesting
stuff, including the men of note who

545
00:48:49.920 --> 00:48:53.920
wrote about Arthur. But going all
the way back to one seventy five CE,

546
00:48:54.800 --> 00:49:00.719
you get a fellow by the name
of Lucius Sartorius Castus, who commanded

547
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:07.800
Sarmatian cavalry against Picts and Saxons in
Britain. In four oh one fellow by

548
00:49:07.840 --> 00:49:15.480
the name of Stillicoe withdraws troops from
Britain. Stillicoe or still it Joe withdraws

549
00:49:15.519 --> 00:49:22.199
troops. Oh you know what.
Yeah, yeah, I'm a Roman badass.

550
00:49:22.599 --> 00:49:27.480
Always withdrawing. I'm always withdrawing.
Four thirty. The year four thirty,

551
00:49:27.519 --> 00:49:32.920
Ambrosius Ariolanus leads British forces against the
Saxons. And this is right when

552
00:49:34.000 --> 00:49:38.400
he's crowned pin dragon before poisoning.
Four eighty five was the Battle of Mount

553
00:49:38.599 --> 00:49:43.760
Baden. Oh yeah, this is
the one when he dies. Good night,

554
00:49:43.800 --> 00:49:50.639
everybody puns listener mail stumble bun eleven
thirty six. Uh, this one

555
00:49:50.760 --> 00:49:57.199
guy by the name of Jeffrey of
Monmouth. Four sous. What is all

556
00:49:57.280 --> 00:50:02.840
of this then? I it's the
Historium Raguum Ritenner History of the Kings of

557
00:50:02.920 --> 00:50:08.480
Britain. Very popular work, and
at this time it was it was very

558
00:50:08.559 --> 00:50:15.159
popular to write chronicles, to to
try to as accurately as you could write

559
00:50:15.280 --> 00:50:20.039
the goings on. I mean,
this is this is the beginning of the

560
00:50:20.159 --> 00:50:22.280
seeds of of a literate culture.
You know, some people this opportunity to

561
00:50:22.360 --> 00:50:27.599
start writing things down, and the
difficulty that they have with this is that

562
00:50:28.079 --> 00:50:32.039
what happens when these different histories,
these different chronicles are uh sorry, what

563
00:50:32.079 --> 00:50:37.599
happens when they conflict and in some
cases or or what when they agree.

564
00:50:38.159 --> 00:50:42.840
Do they agree because they both independently
found something that happened, or was the

565
00:50:42.920 --> 00:50:45.800
author like, well, this other
book says that this happened, and it's

566
00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:47.000
a pretty good book, and I
trust it, so I'm going to include

567
00:50:47.039 --> 00:50:51.840
it. There's a there's a lot
of those questions of, um, how

568
00:50:51.960 --> 00:50:55.320
much are these things truly independent works? How much you know? Did did

569
00:50:55.400 --> 00:51:00.480
one infect the other? Right?
You know? So it's it's hard thing

570
00:51:00.519 --> 00:51:04.519
to to really suss out. Yeah, And as we go through here you'll

571
00:51:04.519 --> 00:51:09.440
see why, because there's not just
one or two. And also the literate

572
00:51:09.559 --> 00:51:13.960
people of the day with nobles,
the aristocracy, and this was, you

573
00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:17.119
know, bigger entertainment for them.
It's not like you could go down to

574
00:51:17.199 --> 00:51:22.519
your local year old library and pick
out the historic Besides, those books were

575
00:51:22.559 --> 00:51:28.400
like seventy pounds anyway. In eleven
fifty Jeffrey writes the Life of Merlin.

576
00:51:28.920 --> 00:51:35.719
In eleven fifty five, Norman poet
Waste writes Roman de Brute. In eleven

577
00:51:35.880 --> 00:51:45.280
seventy to eleven ninety one, French
poet Croit writes five Artherian romances Popular popular

578
00:51:45.360 --> 00:51:52.960
stuff. There Arthur in Chains,
Arthur Unleashed, Everything's coming up, Arthur

579
00:51:53.599 --> 00:52:01.880
four Weddington and Arthur, Oceans Arthur
and saving Private Arthur. Yeah, mister

580
00:52:02.039 --> 00:52:09.559
Arthur goes to Washington Um. In
eleven ninety, the English Shakespeare and Arthur

581
00:52:13.719 --> 00:52:16.920
people are like, it will never
catch off. In eleven ninety the English

582
00:52:17.079 --> 00:52:22.800
priest Layamon, who put together the
poem No, no, no, that's

583
00:52:22.880 --> 00:52:27.800
one of them there, Pokemon's lay
him on. He's he's a turtle,

584
00:52:27.920 --> 00:52:32.400
but has got a tank on his
back and didn't Gee probably shoots sexual shoots

585
00:52:32.639 --> 00:52:38.239
red and white balls the sexual.
It's they they're trying to race Team Rockets.

586
00:52:38.840 --> 00:52:43.440
These kids are growing up too fast. I'm telling you. It's Pokemon's

587
00:52:43.840 --> 00:52:45.960
lay them on. See you,
says Mon. At the end, they

588
00:52:46.000 --> 00:52:52.679
all say that Zeppa Peekaboo. He
writes the poem Brute, and that's based

589
00:52:52.719 --> 00:52:59.440
heavily on on waste romand to Brute. Gee, I wonder why, uh.

590
00:52:59.639 --> 00:53:04.119
Twelve fifteen to twelve thirty five,
and some unknown French authors write the

591
00:53:04.239 --> 00:53:08.559
Vulgate cycle and this is big on
Lancelot and the Holy Grail. Um.

592
00:53:08.760 --> 00:53:12.920
There are a couple of them that
are that are written. And then the

593
00:53:13.039 --> 00:53:19.559
early twelve hundreds you get you start
getting a bunch of works based on figures

594
00:53:19.639 --> 00:53:23.800
from Arthur's court, like Lancelot and
Perceval and those guys, and they're written

595
00:53:23.840 --> 00:53:30.840
by such dudes as Eschenbach, Strasburg, Zatzikovin and um the like or others

596
00:53:31.119 --> 00:53:38.320
and many more anymore and Benny Hill, uh fourteen seventy. This is when

597
00:53:38.360 --> 00:53:44.280
you get the old gold standard.
Sir Thomas Mallory's lamour Darthur. Yeah.

598
00:53:44.679 --> 00:53:47.599
Um, that's the death of Arthur. That is Um, that's kind of

599
00:53:47.639 --> 00:53:53.239
these who don't sprez either France.
I'll leave out what happened after that.

600
00:53:53.480 --> 00:53:57.679
That that'll end the timeline, because
I feel like from then on it's just

601
00:53:58.880 --> 00:54:01.679
influence and adapt take. Yeah,
everyone's I mean, it's it's like the

602
00:54:01.760 --> 00:54:05.880
Lone Ranger. It's it's he's a
character and he just gets thrown into whatever

603
00:54:05.920 --> 00:54:08.920
anybody wants him to do. Yeah, Arthur goes to the Moon, Arthur's

604
00:54:08.960 --> 00:54:15.960
Adventures under the Sea, Arthur stops
a train robbery. Yeah. Celtic and

605
00:54:15.039 --> 00:54:19.719
West folklore was oral. It's important
to know. And it's possible that if

606
00:54:19.880 --> 00:54:23.599
Arthur existed at all, he might
have been around well before being written about.

607
00:54:24.039 --> 00:54:29.559
Many historians think that the figure of
Arthur may have been based on a

608
00:54:29.719 --> 00:54:34.760
Celtic here Irish sun god. In
fact, Arthur has many ties to the

609
00:54:35.039 --> 00:54:38.239
other world capital Oh, including you
know, some of the weapons that he

610
00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:43.519
carried, his actual size. A
lot of people theorize that he may have

611
00:54:43.599 --> 00:54:47.840
been a giant nice, which is
interesting, and the quests that he went

612
00:54:47.920 --> 00:54:54.119
on. A lot of stories seemingly
like more akin to fairy tales than you

613
00:54:54.199 --> 00:54:58.679
know, true accounts of stuff.
Yeah, and I mean, depending on

614
00:54:58.840 --> 00:55:01.320
which story you're here, I mean, some of them are are far more

615
00:55:01.559 --> 00:55:09.079
merlinesque than others. Most written histories
commonly assumed to be largely fictional, including

616
00:55:09.760 --> 00:55:14.559
Jeffrey of Monmouth yep. And I
think we talked about that in the Merlin

617
00:55:14.639 --> 00:55:22.760
episode. He pulled from oral tradition
and folklore but made up a lot of

618
00:55:22.840 --> 00:55:27.760
stuff. Yeah, sort of a
giant liar. Yeah. Each each story

619
00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:31.960
built on its predecessors, adding details
that were pertinent to the time period and

620
00:55:32.079 --> 00:55:37.920
their audience. Some historians think there
were kernels of truth in them, though

621
00:55:38.400 --> 00:55:45.679
British historian Jeffrey Ash proposed that Arthur
could have been a warlord named Riothemis,

622
00:55:45.440 --> 00:55:52.800
with Arthur being his actual name and
Riothemis being a title, and this Riothemis

623
00:55:52.960 --> 00:56:00.760
character fought Saxon's in mainland Europe and
was possibly exiled to Britain after a betrayal

624
00:56:00.079 --> 00:56:04.159
happened with one of one of the
guys he was close with, and eventually

625
00:56:04.320 --> 00:56:12.639
he disappeared near Avalon in Burgundy.
Oh apparently. So that's a then that's

626
00:56:12.639 --> 00:56:16.119
a theory that's been put out there
by mister Ashe. And then there's always

627
00:56:16.159 --> 00:56:22.400
the old Roman general theory going back
to Lucius Artorius Cassius, that was the

628
00:56:23.039 --> 00:56:30.559
great historic or historian. Jay Bruckheimer
ran, Yeah, that has it's been

629
00:56:30.679 --> 00:56:38.199
put forward that this Sarmatian night that
that led battles against Saxon's and barbarians could

630
00:56:38.239 --> 00:56:43.679
have been the Arthur of legend.
I mean Artorius is in there, yea,

631
00:56:44.599 --> 00:56:46.360
you know, they pointed that,
and that's a very interesting idea,

632
00:56:46.440 --> 00:56:52.079
and that's exactly what the Clive Owen
movies based on. Of course, there's

633
00:56:52.079 --> 00:56:58.639
an argument for a Welsh Arthur,
a Northern England Arthur, a Southwestern England

634
00:56:59.000 --> 00:57:04.519
Arthur. Every one wants to claim
him, and many people try and tie

635
00:57:04.639 --> 00:57:08.239
bloodlines to him as well, right, I mean, and that's it's one

636
00:57:08.239 --> 00:57:14.960
of those teople like everyone is related
to the Russian czars. Everyone's related.

637
00:57:15.039 --> 00:57:17.159
You know. The only person you're
actually probably related to his gang Khan,

638
00:57:17.559 --> 00:57:21.840
right, Yeah, that's the only
one you have a real shot at.

639
00:57:22.079 --> 00:57:28.719
In eleven ninety an excavation at Glastonbury
Abbey was funded by Richard the First and

640
00:57:29.280 --> 00:57:32.920
conducted by monks. It was said
they found a coffin with the bones of

641
00:57:34.039 --> 00:57:38.400
a large man and smaller bones with
a lock of golden hair. Also found

642
00:57:38.519 --> 00:57:45.400
was a cross with the inscription here
lies the famous King Arthur in the Isle

643
00:57:45.519 --> 00:57:52.880
of Avalon. And it has been
largely discounted because the abbey needed them dolla

644
00:57:53.000 --> 00:57:55.920
bills, y'all. Yeah, they
made it a tourist attraction. Yep,

645
00:57:58.159 --> 00:58:01.320
right back to funnel cake people.
Yea. The abbey had burned just a

646
00:58:01.400 --> 00:58:07.000
few years prior. It was perfect. Um, everybody wants wants to get

647
00:58:07.039 --> 00:58:13.119
on this boat of nationalistic pride.
Oh King Arthur. Yeah, we need

648
00:58:13.199 --> 00:58:15.760
to find him, mom, Are
you just happened to have him? Right

649
00:58:15.840 --> 00:58:21.360
here? Pay five five pins and
you can see him. You have Arthur.

650
00:58:21.519 --> 00:58:29.360
No Geese historians have tried to find
Camelot with no success. Introduced by

651
00:58:30.079 --> 00:58:36.000
Creon Detroy and his third romance,
Le chevalier de charette, or just simply

652
00:58:36.079 --> 00:58:43.280
call it Lancelot if you're not a
fancy fop. It has come to symbolize

653
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:49.239
the permanent seat of government and chivalric
splender Camelot has and that I think that

654
00:58:49.400 --> 00:58:52.760
was interesting that that was never a
part of the early Arthur legends. It

655
00:58:52.920 --> 00:59:00.519
was introduced by Creon and Sir Thomas
Mallory I identified it with the city of

656
00:59:00.840 --> 00:59:08.400
Winchester and a round table was constructed
there in the thirteenth century. Antiquarian John

657
00:59:08.559 --> 00:59:15.280
Leland said in fifteen forty two that
Camelot was located at Cadbury Castle in Somerset.

658
00:59:15.719 --> 00:59:20.239
Couple of castle full of chocolate.
It was made entirely of chocolate.

659
00:59:20.760 --> 00:59:23.280
Yeah, the inside was so rich
that d's day, oh man, I

660
00:59:23.639 --> 00:59:30.639
almost threw up. Yeah. A
couple of Romano British towns were named Camelot

661
00:59:30.760 --> 00:59:35.480
in um, but they weren't necessarily
in an area under British control at the

662
00:59:35.559 --> 00:59:40.360
time, So people discount that as
the actual Camelot. And there's not a

663
00:59:40.440 --> 00:59:50.079
lot of archaeological evidence that says Cadbury
or Winchester were the place that that Arthur

664
00:59:50.159 --> 00:59:52.599
had his court. Yeah, I
mean, what if what if it's you

665
00:59:52.679 --> 00:59:58.000
know, it's like camelots inside all
of us. But then there was a

666
00:59:58.000 --> 01:00:00.960
whole bunch of people riding around freezing
to death because they didn't actually have a

667
01:00:00.039 --> 01:00:05.199
roof over their head. They were
all they were all delirious with fever.

668
01:00:05.920 --> 01:00:08.880
Yeah, maybe maybe it wasn't a
golden age they were talking about. Maybe

669
01:00:08.880 --> 01:00:15.400
it was a colden age. It's
just a misheard, misheard. Very early

670
01:00:15.519 --> 01:00:22.119
British sources site Arthur as Arthur the
Soldier, and in the Historia Britonium he

671
01:00:22.440 --> 01:00:28.559
is mentioned fighting on the side of
the British kings and not actually a king

672
01:00:28.679 --> 01:00:34.000
himself, but he did lead the
battles, so that's from his humble roots.

673
01:00:34.079 --> 01:00:37.639
Could be Yeah, that's that's a
theory that that just says he was

674
01:00:37.719 --> 01:00:43.159
a soldier, just a simple soldier. Now in the Roman army, skill

675
01:00:43.519 --> 01:00:47.159
was rewarded more so than the nobility. Actually, yeah, I read that.

676
01:00:47.400 --> 01:00:53.320
So you know that that could tie
back into the Sarmatian night theory.

677
01:00:53.719 --> 01:00:58.639
But the fact of the matter is
there's so much out there that people have

678
01:00:58.719 --> 01:01:04.760
tried to find and just there's there's
not enough evidence. When they when they

679
01:01:04.960 --> 01:01:09.199
dig for bones, when they dig
for Castle's graves, whatever, whatever you

680
01:01:09.320 --> 01:01:13.599
look for, everything comes up just
as much as it doesn't come up.

681
01:01:13.880 --> 01:01:16.719
Yeah, And I feel like,
I mean personal opinion, I think that

682
01:01:16.840 --> 01:01:22.360
there is a real basis, But
I think that the legend and the mythology

683
01:01:22.400 --> 01:01:28.800
and the stories are so blown out
of proportion that I think it's virtually impossible

684
01:01:28.880 --> 01:01:30.039
to ever trace them back to a
person. I'm sure they are. I

685
01:01:30.119 --> 01:01:35.079
mean, so many stories and mythologies
have a over your little kernel of truth

686
01:01:35.159 --> 01:01:37.920
from the beginning. But and but
this one in particular has been just used

687
01:01:37.960 --> 01:01:43.519
and co opted in so many different
ways that like, I mean, you're

688
01:01:43.559 --> 01:01:47.840
never gonna find Arthur, right,
king, soldier, wizard, spawn,

689
01:01:50.360 --> 01:01:53.760
reptilian, whatever he is. Yeah, you're you're right. And as you

690
01:01:53.840 --> 01:02:00.280
went, as the timeline progresses,
things get added in there. Like I

691
01:02:00.360 --> 01:02:05.760
said, Camelot wasn't until Criton's time, and the romance, the courtly love

692
01:02:06.480 --> 01:02:10.079
that you get wasn't until you get
that Vulgate cycle, right, Um.

693
01:02:10.360 --> 01:02:15.480
And in Criton's writing as well,
you know Lancelot with the love affair with

694
01:02:15.719 --> 01:02:21.840
with Winevere that was added much later, and most of the early stuff about

695
01:02:21.960 --> 01:02:25.239
Arthur, when you're talking about Jeffrey
of Monmouth and uh, and those those

696
01:02:25.320 --> 01:02:30.320
guys waste. Arthur's more like a
warlord. Yeah, and it doesn't have

697
01:02:30.519 --> 01:02:34.119
you know, his chord, which
I think militates toward towards that that that

698
01:02:34.840 --> 01:02:37.800
that Colonel of truth. You know
that like there is a you can kind

699
01:02:37.840 --> 01:02:40.599
of see the cone of like he
wasn't as big a deal here, and

700
01:02:40.639 --> 01:02:47.760
he's a bigger deal here and right, and chivalry just becomes big with with

701
01:02:47.920 --> 01:02:54.559
criton. But because fun fact,
Creton was funded by a noble woman of

702
01:02:54.679 --> 01:03:00.800
the time who wanted, you know, a story of love and intrigue,

703
01:03:00.920 --> 01:03:06.280
and that this was the audience that
he was writing for. Board rich chicks

704
01:03:07.440 --> 01:03:10.960
love it though worst you also get
the Christianization of stuff in there. Yep,

705
01:03:12.360 --> 01:03:16.000
a lot of a lot of things
became more and more Christian as Christianity

706
01:03:16.119 --> 01:03:20.840
took hold more and more. And
that's why you get the Grail. That's

707
01:03:20.880 --> 01:03:25.880
why King Arthur becomes just a huge
figure for God, for the um,

708
01:03:27.199 --> 01:03:32.679
the advancement of Christianity and in the
ideals, the virtuousness all that stuff ties

709
01:03:32.719 --> 01:03:38.199
in chivalry comes right into there.
So uh, in the end, Arthur's

710
01:03:38.280 --> 01:03:45.079
just you know, it's a great
iconic figure. Yeah, but it's also

711
01:03:45.239 --> 01:03:52.039
this great amalgamation of so many cultures
and ideas and ideals, and it's it's

712
01:03:52.119 --> 01:03:57.519
inspired. I don't know everything.
Well, no, I mean like when

713
01:03:57.599 --> 01:04:00.079
you have someone who who has achieved
any thing, you know, and then

714
01:04:00.239 --> 01:04:04.000
they become this literary character. It's
just like that all that uh, Ronald

715
01:04:04.039 --> 01:04:06.719
Reagan erotic fan fiction that I keep
trying to get you to read that I

716
01:04:06.800 --> 01:04:10.199
write. I mean, you won't
read it, but right, you can

717
01:04:10.320 --> 01:04:13.159
keep trying. But yeah, but
I mean I'm going to write so much

718
01:04:13.199 --> 01:04:16.159
of it that there'll come a time
in the future when people talk about Ronald

719
01:04:16.239 --> 01:04:20.480
Reagan the sexual Trianosaur, and they
won't even know that he was the president.

720
01:04:20.519 --> 01:04:25.679
They'll just only my stories will remain. Yeah, my powerful erotic fan

721
01:04:25.760 --> 01:04:30.920
fiction stories a waste of the future. Will Will write his book, Will

722
01:04:31.639 --> 01:04:36.639
Nice. There's a ton of stuff
that has come out about King Arthur.

723
01:04:36.679 --> 01:04:40.519
He's a gold mine. You know, everything is themed after him. There's

724
01:04:40.519 --> 01:04:44.400
a ton of movies. Have you
seen You've seen excalbur Oh not since I

725
01:04:44.519 --> 01:04:47.000
was a kid. Oh, I
watched it. In this I watched quite

726
01:04:47.039 --> 01:04:50.480
a few movies actually, well while
we were researching this that I watched an

727
01:04:50.519 --> 01:04:56.119
extended director's cut, so I win. You're right, you're right, checkmate.

728
01:04:56.440 --> 01:05:00.639
But it's been said before, and
I think I agree that scalbur the

729
01:05:00.719 --> 01:05:02.800
eighties movie, the one with Patrick
Stewart, makes an appearance in there.

730
01:05:03.400 --> 01:05:09.159
That is, um, I think, the best rendition so far. Of

731
01:05:09.239 --> 01:05:12.800
course, he gets Sword in the
Stone from Disney in there, which is

732
01:05:13.199 --> 01:05:18.239
just a whole Mississilly and the Clive
Owen King Arthur. There's games all over

733
01:05:18.320 --> 01:05:21.639
the place based on it. Oh
yeah, yeah, it's just popular.

734
01:05:21.719 --> 01:05:27.039
It's popular culture. Well yeah,
and um, there's a new series called

735
01:05:27.119 --> 01:05:30.519
Camelot which I just started watching.
It's got Eva Green and because she's in

736
01:05:30.559 --> 01:05:34.039
everything these days. Wow, she's
in the other Showtime series, isn't she.

737
01:05:34.199 --> 01:05:36.920
Yeah, Penny Dreadful. Wow,
I like. I like how she

738
01:05:36.960 --> 01:05:41.320
looks in Penny Dreadful. She looks
like still really hot but also real weird.

739
01:05:41.639 --> 01:05:44.320
Yeah, which is man, That's
that's me. That's what I like.

740
01:05:44.440 --> 01:05:48.199
Hot and weird. She's got a
five head and she's she's Morgan Morgan

741
01:05:48.280 --> 01:05:51.840
le Fay in this one. Perfect
Yeah, So there you go. All

742
01:05:51.920 --> 01:05:57.719
right, So, um, that
is us cramming King Arthur into into this.

743
01:05:58.000 --> 01:06:02.679
Uh Misty of Annius. Yeah,
shining, shining for a brief moment,

744
01:06:02.840 --> 01:06:08.280
nutshell. So how about we pull
these puns from the stone? Oh

745
01:06:08.519 --> 01:06:14.440
do it? I'm going first,
Okay. So back in the fifth century,

746
01:06:14.719 --> 01:06:16.480
it was communication was very difficult.
You know, someone had to ride

747
01:06:16.519 --> 01:06:19.960
out and you know, there was
highwaymen. It was dangerous, it's dark

748
01:06:20.000 --> 01:06:26.480
ages, it was rough. Um. But one man was extraordinarily good at

749
01:06:26.519 --> 01:06:30.400
communicating with people, and he would
write letters far and wide and always knew

750
01:06:30.440 --> 01:06:34.920
what was happening and always responded promptly. And his name was Arthur, which

751
01:06:35.000 --> 01:06:45.239
is how he got his moniker,
Arthur Penn Palin. Yeah, yeah,

752
01:06:45.599 --> 01:06:50.199
yeah, yep, yep. I
saw this place the other day. It

753
01:06:50.280 --> 01:06:55.920
was pretty cool as it's a jewelry
store that sells a lot of gold,

754
01:06:56.239 --> 01:07:01.559
sells a lot of tars and crowns. But fortunately it went out of business.

755
01:07:02.280 --> 01:07:05.519
What yeah, but a lot of
people think it may come back,

756
01:07:06.159 --> 01:07:12.320
and it was called the once in
Future Bling. I like that one.

757
01:07:12.559 --> 01:07:15.039
That's pretty good, I do.
I do like that one a lot.

758
01:07:15.119 --> 01:07:16.920
It'll come back when when you need
that that gold watch. You know,

759
01:07:16.960 --> 01:07:21.000
there's a legend in Britain of uh
it was like an inn you know,

760
01:07:21.159 --> 01:07:26.199
to cross roads. People would go
through there and there's a woman who was

761
01:07:26.239 --> 01:07:30.400
pretty famous around there, and a
gentleman would often buy for her attention.

762
01:07:31.119 --> 01:07:34.119
But the interesting thing about this is
that not only was she like a you

763
01:07:34.159 --> 01:07:39.199
know, a very busy serving wench
in this and but um, she was

764
01:07:40.280 --> 01:07:45.360
she was large. Oh really,
yeah she was. She was robust,

765
01:07:45.519 --> 01:07:50.199
she was rubenesque. And finally,
you know, a scribe passed through and

766
01:07:51.199 --> 01:07:54.960
kind of fell for her, and
you know, I was able to keep

767
01:07:55.000 --> 01:07:58.639
her attention for you know, a
couple of weeks before she got bored and

768
01:07:58.679 --> 01:08:00.719
moved on. And the scribe didn't
get angry. He was just glad for

769
01:08:00.800 --> 01:08:04.199
the time he had. But he
wrote a chronicling of this time. Yeah,

770
01:08:04.440 --> 01:08:10.039
yeah, it was. He wrote, of the nights with around Mabel.

771
01:08:11.639 --> 01:08:14.440
Pretty hot stuff. Oh, by
the way, her name was Mabel.

772
01:08:15.239 --> 01:08:17.359
I was gonna put it at the
beginning. I thought you'd sniff it

773
01:08:17.439 --> 01:08:26.880
out too much. Side rubenesque.
I've got uh, I got one more.

774
01:08:27.520 --> 01:08:30.960
It's a gym. And you know
how sometimes you go to the gym,

775
01:08:30.119 --> 01:08:33.600
you work out so much, you
sweat a lot. Uh. Sometimes

776
01:08:33.720 --> 01:08:36.760
you you'll you'll scrape a finger or
something. You oh, you know,

777
01:08:38.079 --> 01:08:42.399
or you get a cut or something. It's um, it's it's dangerous.

778
01:08:42.439 --> 01:08:44.600
You know, you should wipe everything
down. Everything. Well, this is

779
01:08:44.640 --> 01:08:48.920
a gym where you'll sweat but you'll
never bleed. Really. Yeah, what's

780
01:08:48.920 --> 01:08:56.920
it called. It's called flex caliber. She put those guns away, Put

781
01:08:57.000 --> 01:09:00.800
them away, put them away,
hoole, store them holster then, because

782
01:09:01.479 --> 01:09:05.439
if you're busting out guns like that, you're going to scare the very skittish

783
01:09:05.560 --> 01:09:19.680
and delicately frail. Yeah, that
was a segue. We got a lot,

784
01:09:19.880 --> 01:09:21.920
We got a lot. Yeah,
we have to get to it.

785
01:09:23.000 --> 01:09:27.000
But surge storm surge. Well,
well we're gonna get you a supplemental Yeah,

786
01:09:27.359 --> 01:09:30.000
and your stories. Hey, if
you guys got a nice scary yule

787
01:09:30.039 --> 01:09:34.279
time story to send in, send
it to us. Make sure it's um,

788
01:09:34.439 --> 01:09:39.439
you know. Pg. Thirteen Like
like we do. So we're getting

789
01:09:39.439 --> 01:09:42.560
to a couple here for you now, but I'm gonna have some more and

790
01:09:43.920 --> 01:09:47.119
your story is coming out. Sex
of stories is erotic fiction, right,

791
01:09:47.800 --> 01:09:56.119
I don't I don't care. Pg. Thirteen, Erotic with terror in his

792
01:09:56.279 --> 01:10:01.800
heart. Daniel try at the Brock
class over and over, pinching her skin

793
01:10:01.920 --> 01:10:08.239
and pulling her hair. She occasionally
helpfully said do you need help, but

794
01:10:08.520 --> 01:10:14.960
Daniel wouldn't say yes, spooky.
Yeah, I'm sorry. Okay, it's

795
01:10:15.000 --> 01:10:16.399
time for you guys to be better
than we are, which is not hard.

796
01:10:16.600 --> 01:10:25.079
Yeah, first up, Jeremy,
Jeremy, Jeremy Jemmer. He's sick

797
01:10:25.159 --> 01:10:28.560
of that. Just because her name
is Jeremy does not mean you're a suicidal

798
01:10:28.960 --> 01:10:33.479
lunatic elementary school kid. But it
couldn't hurt, right, you nailed it.

799
01:10:33.640 --> 01:10:39.199
What you nailed that song? Nailed
it. We got us a pern

800
01:10:39.840 --> 01:10:45.319
Oh. These elementary subatomic particles are
somewhat awkward. They start becoming more social

801
01:10:45.399 --> 01:10:53.399
and therefore highly susceptible to peer pressure
their new tween nos. Yeah, those

802
01:10:53.479 --> 01:10:57.720
particles watched Twilight, Yes they do. And he found our podcast while he

803
01:10:57.800 --> 01:11:00.600
was looking up Oak Island. Yeah
he did. And uh and now he's

804
01:11:00.640 --> 01:11:03.119
a giant fan. So thank you, Jeremy, j I love that.

805
01:11:03.359 --> 01:11:09.159
We got some more now now we're
now we're fans of you. We stumbled

806
01:11:09.159 --> 01:11:13.960
across you looking through our email,
and now we're hooked. We'll be hearing

807
01:11:14.479 --> 01:11:18.840
back from Jeremy. I believe good
soon soon and very soon. Flora,

808
01:11:18.920 --> 01:11:21.000
what do you got right now?
Tell me what you got right now.

809
01:11:21.159 --> 01:11:25.479
I have no right now now,
and it's too late. In two seconds

810
01:11:25.600 --> 01:11:29.319
three two one. See I even
gave you an extra second. Jesus Flora,

811
01:11:29.520 --> 01:11:33.800
I've got a call out from the
Master of zombies himself. What zombie

812
01:11:33.880 --> 01:11:39.800
master? WHOA Hi, I'm zombie
master. When I'm not mastering zombies,

813
01:11:39.960 --> 01:11:44.560
I'm thinking about how I can better
manage zombies. Buy my water film.

814
01:11:45.279 --> 01:11:49.119
At the Pensacola Regency High I will
be having a three day symposium on management

815
01:11:49.199 --> 01:11:54.680
techniques for Armies of the Undead.
Once again, I am a zombie master.

816
01:11:55.199 --> 01:11:59.079
I went to grad school for zombie
man. I'm done. I've got

817
01:11:59.159 --> 01:12:04.560
my black belt in all right.
So he listened to our our bullstone number

818
01:12:04.600 --> 01:12:10.760
two with the fair point guys,
and he's going to have to dispute the

819
01:12:11.119 --> 01:12:15.560
want of aliens that I believe you
said. Oh yeah, you wanted them

820
01:12:15.640 --> 01:12:17.960
to be cylons. You remember that
when they're like jobs. I want skin

821
01:12:18.079 --> 01:12:24.840
jobs, skin job cylons, cylons
any form are a human creation and therefore

822
01:12:25.079 --> 01:12:29.920
not alien. Oh thank god,
it's a bullstone. Watched me just whistle

823
01:12:30.039 --> 01:12:31.960
by. I'm just looking at the
penalty box, flipping it off, eating

824
01:12:32.000 --> 01:12:36.600
toast. So but if no I
think the question was if I could pick

825
01:12:38.000 --> 01:12:42.319
which aliens right I would want,
I would want skin jobs. But his

826
01:12:42.439 --> 01:12:45.399
point is that they're not actually aliens, but they are in my scenario.

827
01:12:46.600 --> 01:12:51.279
M So like, so I said
aliens, I'd say, okay, well

828
01:12:51.279 --> 01:12:57.000
what about hyperintelligent rabbits? Would that
be an acceptable answer? Did they come

829
01:12:57.039 --> 01:13:00.239
from another planet? Yes, then
that's fine, same thing as skin job

830
01:13:00.319 --> 01:13:03.960
aliens. Skin Job aliens don't come
from another planet. They came from rabbits

831
01:13:04.000 --> 01:13:06.800
silons from Earth. But then you
said, oh, but did they come

832
01:13:06.840 --> 01:13:11.199
from another planet? Yes, they
do. Same thing with skin jobs come

833
01:13:11.279 --> 01:13:15.600
from Earth. Super intelligent rabbits come
from the Beetle Juice system or something.

834
01:13:15.039 --> 01:13:19.800
Robots come from Earth. Skin job
robots come from the Beetlejuice universe. They

835
01:13:20.439 --> 01:13:25.640
someone created skin job robots. You
don't know that you do? No?

836
01:13:25.720 --> 01:13:27.960
I don't, Yeah you do?
He amazed? What I don't know?

837
01:13:29.720 --> 01:13:31.960
Wow? How did this is becoming
quite the debate. I'm with the Master

838
01:13:32.000 --> 01:13:35.960
of Zombies on this. I disagree
with the Master of Zombies. Skin job

839
01:13:36.000 --> 01:13:42.359
silons. Yeah, human human creation
ultimately, and it's not like super intelligent

840
01:13:42.960 --> 01:13:46.359
rabbits came from Earth, went to
another planet, got super intelligent then came

841
01:13:46.439 --> 01:13:50.479
back. It's an example of the
kind of alien I would like to see

842
01:13:51.000 --> 01:13:55.279
hot chicks. I see, you
should have picked play aliens like I did.

843
01:13:56.239 --> 01:13:59.199
Fair enough. Actually, maybe you
just got to it a little bit

844
01:13:59.279 --> 01:14:02.720
faster. What do you have?
Thank you, Zombie Master Flora. We

845
01:14:02.800 --> 01:14:05.520
got we got an email here?
Oh yeah, yeah, I'm trying.

846
01:14:05.600 --> 01:14:11.159
I'm trying to figure it what it's
like. It's it's like rain on your

847
01:14:11.199 --> 01:14:15.199
wedding day, or maybe I don't
know, you'd take a look. What

848
01:14:15.199 --> 01:14:16.439
do you think this is? Like? Oh well, it's kind of like

849
01:14:17.239 --> 01:14:21.760
ten thousand spoons and all you need
is a knife. Yeah, yeah,

850
01:14:21.800 --> 01:14:27.640
you're right, You're right. It's
I mean, isn't isn't it? Ironicus?

851
01:14:29.039 --> 01:14:38.000
Don't you think one of the worst. Ironicus hits us with the following

852
01:14:38.000 --> 01:14:43.479
week. I love the draculadossier episode. Thank you and thank Ken Height.

853
01:14:44.319 --> 01:14:47.840
I think they did pretty well with
their Kickstarter Yeah. Oh, and points

854
01:14:47.920 --> 01:14:51.840
us in the direction of the one
shot RPG episodes that Ken mentioned. Um

855
01:14:53.000 --> 01:14:56.880
because he's great at running a game, takes chances to show takes a chance

856
01:14:56.920 --> 01:15:00.479
to show off some of the adventures
that the dossier can lead to. Because

857
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:12.199
Ironicus is also one of the players. Nice, Oh, so you you

858
01:15:12.399 --> 01:15:16.119
know you know what it's like to
sit in a room with the wonder kint

859
01:15:16.199 --> 01:15:20.680
that is Ken Height. Wow,
it's tough, it's difficult, it's very

860
01:15:20.800 --> 01:15:26.079
daunting. So well played, Ironicus. Um. Also, did you know

861
01:15:26.159 --> 01:15:30.399
that one of Dracula's thralls was driven
to madness by his vampire control and could

862
01:15:30.479 --> 01:15:39.399
only eat food on sticks. His
name was hm Renfair. He couldn't stop

863
01:15:39.479 --> 01:15:44.359
staring at bodices. Yeah. Another
possible stretch goal is the mystery of Dracula's

864
01:15:44.439 --> 01:15:49.640
fratbroke cousin who would stick people on
pikes for not properly popping their collars Chad

865
01:15:49.720 --> 01:15:57.479
the Impaler. Clearly this is a
friend of Ken Heights. These are well

866
01:15:57.560 --> 01:16:00.800
done, and of course, uh
the show could be part of the dossier

867
01:16:00.920 --> 01:16:05.600
as well. It seems Stoker's original
notes were altered to hide Mina Harker's actual

868
01:16:05.720 --> 01:16:11.319
maiden name, Mina Blurry. Perhaps
her family legacy was to amass a font

869
01:16:11.359 --> 01:16:17.840
of fringe knowledge players could the players
characters could find useful. That's right,

870
01:16:18.600 --> 01:16:25.720
Blurry, So thank you very much, Ironicus, and everyone should listen to

871
01:16:25.800 --> 01:16:29.279
that one shot RPG. I'm gonna
check it out. Yeah, because I'd

872
01:16:29.319 --> 01:16:30.479
like to hear how that plays out. You might even want to give it

873
01:16:30.560 --> 01:16:39.319
more than one shot. Oh all
right, bring us home for take this

874
01:16:39.399 --> 01:16:45.600
tug boat into port. I'll do
the job the tugboats meant to do.

875
01:16:47.560 --> 01:16:58.600
We heard from what was? How
was? Wes uh? Keeping with the

876
01:16:58.880 --> 01:17:02.479
old Dracula dossier episode in honor of
gaming superstar Kenneth Height, he has a

877
01:17:03.239 --> 01:17:09.720
he has an RPG pun. There's
a man who dresses in sharp suits that

878
01:17:09.840 --> 01:17:12.840
has bright colors. Stop stop,
stop, I have I have to call

879
01:17:12.920 --> 01:17:18.600
my broker too late. Market's closed. They're also known to be cleptomaniacs and

880
01:17:18.800 --> 01:17:26.880
fearless short humanoids. It's the Kinderman. Oh, and that, my friends,

881
01:17:27.000 --> 01:17:30.439
is a dragon Lance reference. He
is pulling, He is pulling the

882
01:17:30.520 --> 01:17:35.359
stink from the swamp and without kinder. I don't know. Yeah, well

883
01:17:35.479 --> 01:17:42.039
done, dragon Lance, bright clothing, bright sharp suits, kleptomaniacs, short

884
01:17:42.119 --> 01:17:46.920
humanoids. I don't like it.
Very well done. And he says he

885
01:17:47.000 --> 01:17:51.000
feels like, um, we are
the Velma and Daphne to Kenneth Heights,

886
01:17:51.119 --> 01:18:00.479
Fred and Stecco. I'm Velma.
Oh wait, which one's Velma? Elma's

887
01:18:00.520 --> 01:18:02.800
the one in the glasses. That's
okay, because Daphne's pretty hot, but

888
01:18:02.920 --> 01:18:09.600
everybody knows that Velma's secretly the hot
one. Well, Velma's got the socks.

889
01:18:09.960 --> 01:18:15.920
Yeah, that's true Daphne. Daphne
is like the bro bait, but

890
01:18:15.079 --> 01:18:20.000
everybody knows that Velma's the freak.
I think you're right. And he says,

891
01:18:20.399 --> 01:18:25.479
see, Fred wants Daphne because of
the crazy hotness, but she'll need

892
01:18:25.640 --> 01:18:30.600
Velma to get stuff done. Also, his metaphor has gone all over the

893
01:18:30.680 --> 01:18:34.079
place. Well, I think we
were we were helping with that too.

894
01:18:34.159 --> 01:18:39.960
We were certainly doing our piece on
that. All right. Thank you West,

895
01:18:40.399 --> 01:18:44.560
Thanks World one one, and thanks
everybody who has written in. We

896
01:18:44.680 --> 01:18:48.520
will get to the ones we haven't
gotten to yet in a nice little supplement

897
01:18:48.520 --> 01:18:51.720
too, with some stories. Again, if you want to send send us

898
01:18:51.800 --> 01:18:55.800
one in, send us a scur
story of your own. Yeah, I

899
01:18:55.880 --> 01:18:59.119
want to scare the crap out of
myself for Christmas. Also, while you're

900
01:18:59.159 --> 01:19:02.960
at it, why not go to
iTunes give us a rating, Yes it's

901
01:19:03.000 --> 01:19:06.920
a review, give us the reviews
that we would like reviews from you,

902
01:19:08.119 --> 01:19:12.319
the actual listeners of this podcast.
You get a Christmas present to us five

903
01:19:12.479 --> 01:19:24.000
stars and a great review or I
have golden stars stumble up and also were

904
01:19:25.319 --> 01:19:32.960
blurry photos underscore something. I think
I just just just muddied it up.

905
01:19:33.840 --> 01:19:38.880
I don't think there's any any anything
you have to create that now. Yeah,

906
01:19:39.479 --> 01:19:44.279
blurry underscore photos is Twitter. We're
on Facebook. You can go and

907
01:19:44.399 --> 01:19:47.039
like us. We're yep, we
are scarily close to four hildos. Oh

908
01:19:47.119 --> 01:19:49.439
man, we might already be there
by the time I hear this, because

909
01:19:49.479 --> 01:19:54.680
we were like two, we had
two to go. Eight we ow and

910
01:19:55.039 --> 01:19:58.760
uh yeah, so we're almost there. We've got the swell. Folks at

911
01:19:58.760 --> 01:20:04.680
Audible are making your Christmas easy for
yourself when you're traveling this this holiday season.

912
01:20:04.680 --> 01:20:09.720
That's yourself a free book. It
blot us, audible trial dot com,

913
01:20:09.960 --> 01:20:15.039
slash blurry photos. I said,
haltingly, waking sure that Flora said,

914
01:20:15.079 --> 01:20:17.079
yes, you're doing the right thing. Audible trial dot com, slash

915
01:20:17.119 --> 01:20:20.359
blurry photos. Get a free trial, get a free book for yourself,

916
01:20:20.439 --> 01:20:24.159
get a trial. You don't like
it, get canceled. It's as simple

917
01:20:24.199 --> 01:20:27.439
as that. Either way, if
you can sign up, you can you

918
01:20:27.520 --> 01:20:30.159
can undo it. It's the same
ritual, but in reverse. And when

919
01:20:30.199 --> 01:20:32.600
you go there and when you sign
up, it's not going to say blurry

920
01:20:32.640 --> 01:20:35.399
photos all over the place, and
it's actually not going to say anything about

921
01:20:35.399 --> 01:20:40.359
blurry photos. It just looks like
you're signing up to a free trial membership

922
01:20:40.399 --> 01:20:43.439
and that's that's okay, that's how
it works, yea. And then everything's

923
01:20:43.439 --> 01:20:46.359
going according to planet that's what you're
seeing. Yeah, and then we find

924
01:20:46.439 --> 01:20:50.039
out and we get really happy.
Ye So that's the way you can treat

925
01:20:50.079 --> 01:20:56.640
yourself. Can also punch our donate
button with candy cane. That a monetary

926
01:20:56.720 --> 01:21:01.119
candy Cane's right, that's a good
way to to have a fun Christmas.

927
01:21:01.399 --> 01:21:06.680
Yep, we've got we got some
plans for the funds. Yeah, everything's

928
01:21:06.680 --> 01:21:11.039
in the works. We're very close. Yeah. Sorry, I know we've

929
01:21:11.079 --> 01:21:14.239
been saying this forever, but keep
in mind, we're like two dudes with

930
01:21:14.359 --> 01:21:16.960
day jobs, so we're we really
are doing this. It just you know,

931
01:21:17.680 --> 01:21:23.439
takes a village. We've got two
people. We're almost there. So

932
01:21:23.720 --> 01:21:27.079
you guys are the very very best. Oh, make sure to go over

933
01:21:27.119 --> 01:21:32.520
to fair Point Podcast listen because we
just did an interview with them. We

934
01:21:32.960 --> 01:21:39.399
talked about bat Boy, yes,
and many many extracurricular activities that kids got

935
01:21:39.960 --> 01:21:42.920
more jobs than Homer Simpson. Yeah, and more skill than Houdini, I

936
01:21:43.000 --> 01:21:46.000
think. So listen to that.
Go over to an Hour with your ex

937
01:21:46.560 --> 01:21:50.119
and listen to Mel and Mark.
We we visited them, talked about all

938
01:21:50.199 --> 01:21:54.600
things are Christmas, Carol, the
Charles Dickens class. We've mentioned them in

939
01:21:54.640 --> 01:21:57.439
the past, and we shall continue
to mention them in their future because not

940
01:21:57.600 --> 01:22:00.880
only is their podcast terrific and fun
to listen to, they're also our friends.

941
01:22:00.960 --> 01:22:03.880
So it's a win win. They
can be your friends too. They'll

942
01:22:03.920 --> 01:22:08.960
come to your house. Mel is
one of the most accomplished bakers in the

943
01:22:09.000 --> 01:22:12.479
city of Chicago, so make friends
with her and I'll tell you what.

944
01:22:13.399 --> 01:22:15.319
I haven't seen it, but I'd
be willing to bet my left arm that

945
01:22:15.479 --> 01:22:20.079
Mark Coolum can make a cocktail that
will make you weep. He just strikes

946
01:22:20.119 --> 01:22:24.159
me as the kind of guy who
really knows how to make a well crafted

947
01:22:24.199 --> 01:22:29.079
cocktail. I can see that.
And spoiler alert, we're gonna get a

948
01:22:29.119 --> 01:22:34.520
bullstone with them soon. What squid
pro row Clary's. That's that's the one,

949
01:22:35.960 --> 01:22:39.399
you know, from when they were
with squid Win to Harvard. Ye,

950
01:22:41.840 --> 01:22:45.560
so yeah, lots of fun things. Bullstones and Adventures and other podcasts

951
01:22:45.640 --> 01:22:53.399
and number one hundred one Heeldo,
coming up right the Centurion. We we

952
01:22:53.840 --> 01:22:57.079
really do want to want to make
it good, so so we're gonna take

953
01:22:57.119 --> 01:23:00.399
as much time as we need.
Unfortunately. Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna

954
01:23:00.399 --> 01:23:01.600
put that one in the oven to
make sure that it's fully cooked. We're

955
01:23:01.600 --> 01:23:04.000
gonna stick a toothpick in it,
make sure it comes out clean. Yeah,

956
01:23:04.159 --> 01:23:09.239
so um be looking for that.
Um, We're we're hoping to get

957
01:23:09.279 --> 01:23:12.000
it out before Christmas. There's a
chance we'll get it out just a little

958
01:23:12.039 --> 01:23:16.319
bit after Christmas. Happy New Years, one hundredth episode. So yeah,

959
01:23:16.439 --> 01:23:20.800
well we're still working on it.
We'll get there. So anyways, for

960
01:23:20.840 --> 01:23:27.600
this episode of Blurry Photos, I
have been Sir David Dear, and I

961
01:23:27.720 --> 01:23:39.800
have been David Ambrosius Floriolanus, adis
you did it to yourself? Shut up,

962
01:23:40.000 --> 01:24:19.479
Florilanus. Iilling lowers to me.
Bye. I'm turning you in for

963
01:24:19.600 --> 01:24:25.800
the rewards, sasquatch, if you
take your time to listen to him.

964
01:24:26.119 --> 01:24:31.720
Alex Jones makes a lot of sets. I'm glad I bought his water filter.

965
01:24:33.640 --> 01:24:44.800
I'm the best Pennsylvania has to offer. Sasquatch updating your sister. I

966
01:24:45.000 --> 01:24:51.279
like the Star Wars prequels. I
will have my kids vaccinated. If he

967
01:24:51.439 --> 01:24:58.760
liked you that he should have put
a ring on it. Springil Jack touched

968
01:24:58.840 --> 01:25:11.560
by cocking balls. Spurgil Jack stops
squeezing by squawk. You can do the

969
01:25:11.640 --> 01:25:23.039
sprigil Jack stopped squeezing by squawk.
Tit there so weird? What's it is

970
01:25:23.119 --> 01:25:26.520
that? I it's a fine setting, little mantor easy, go there?

971
01:25:27.399 --> 01:25:30.439
Are you gonna chatter? Excuse me? What? What's that? Who's that?

972
01:25:30.560 --> 01:25:33.520
What you heard me? Right?
Jackie boy? It pinches in Jeff

973
01:25:33.560 --> 01:25:39.840
and spring Well, you just hit
a Pennsylvania lottery. It's raining tits.

974
01:25:39.880 --> 01:25:44.680
Hallelujah. It looks like we'll be
taking a trip to Tittsburgh. Youns are

975
01:25:44.680 --> 01:25:47.600
going to Tittsburgh. Hey Jack,
a couple of pickets to Tittsburg, my

976
01:25:47.800 --> 01:26:05.880
buddy, pickets. We're doing this
for no one but us right now