This episode is sponsored by the Second City Love Comedy in Filmmaking than the Harold
Ramis Film Schools yearlong program at the Second City is for you. Visit Ramis
film School dot com for more info. Hey, Babe, I just I've
just really been just been such a great year, and I wanted to make
this anniversary special. So I got you something goblin. Oh, you went
to Jarriff. That's right, Sarah. I went to Jarred. I sell
your goblins, had related pets supplies Jareff the galleria of Goblin. Are you
looking for a special goblin for that special someone, Put on your red shoes
and come to Jariff's. At Jariff's, find your perfect goblin from our fine
selection of above and blowground goblin varieties. Take I ninety four to the Eisenhower
and to change then turn left, Sarah. Take advantage of our first time
goblin buyer financing today with our flexible credit forget about the layaway. Oh my
god, Sarah, is that what I think it is? It's sure?
And he went to Jeid. He went to Jerid. That reminds me of
the Saale. What sales sale on Friday? Come in this Friday for big
savings with discounts, giveaways and valet parking. I move these carts for no
one. There will be no valet parking. What kind of goblin? Where
you choose at? Jaif the Galleria of Goblins dep boo baby, Hi everybody,
welcome to Bloody Photos. We've missed you of Sannah. This is David
Floora. How did you do? Hell? Yes, freak out in the
Moon Edge podcast. Oh yeah, there we go. That's it. That's
David's Stecko and that's flirting, flirting Flora. I hope everybody's doing well.
We got a real good show for you. Guess you can't guess what it
is about what we're sober? Can't tell can't tell that either, Jesus.
We're talking about goblin, talking about goblins, talk about talk about single the
whole time. That is that all we're gonna do. Yeah, that's uh,
that's what the show is going to be about. Great great intro,
David, Um, Yeah, thank you, so real quick news for you
before before we launch into this, because we got a lot to get to.
I was really pleasantly surprised by how much concise information there was and yet
how much to draw from. Yeah, exactly there's there's a lot of really
fun information we found in our research and also heavily aided by oh yes,
listener Brook. Yeah, listener Brooke gave us a huge amount of links and
stuff and this this, this is one of my favorite kind of things where
there's a great amount amount of information about the folklore and the mythology. But
man, if you want to take that that motorcycle up to in the Crazy
Bull Reservoir, du Chevy to that Levy Chevy, it's my Chevrolet motorcycle.
We're all up in the music references in this episode apparently so. But before
we get to a huge announcement, Yeah, guys, Patreon, no no,
no, we can quit. Oh yeah, some so we gave us
one star. It's over. It's all you know. We tried, We
tried, but boy, like a sniper, he just put us down.
We'd have quit a few times, by several several times more than that.
Knock us off this pony. Yeah, we have started our Patreon. Yeah,
go to patreon dot com slash blurry photos and you should be able to
find us there. I'll have the link on the website of course, yep.
But it's a great way to support us a month to month. It's
kind of like subscription based. Yeah yeah, but when you pay for it,
you get something back out of it. Exactly. We made a point
of as much as as two guys with jobs can possibly incentivize every month.
Yeah, more than we can Exactly, I don't say that, but we
do have. We we tried to make everything worthwhile and rewarding, and I'm
really excited about You might even notice that there are some tiers like the above
fifty dollars a month. Listen, we're not greedy bastards, but I mean,
what kind of idiot wouldn't make that option? How do I know that
Chesterton J. Money Bags isn't one of our biggest fans. That's right,
Chesterton who is loath to give away one hundred dollars to anyone unless he wants
to be on a bull phone. So yeah, check it out. Great
great rewards on there, and then you know, the more you guys support
us, the more we get to do. We've also listed our goals on
the side. Did I say that? Really? Weirdly, it doesn't matters
on the side goals. I love goals goals on the side. So um,
yeah, we we've we've got big plans, bigger plans, the biggest
plans, the biggest plans, the best plans. Yeah, so it's awesome.
I couldn't be more excited about it, which isn't to say, I
mean, listen, I get it. Yeah, monthly. Maybe that's not
your bag. Maybe you don't have that there, Maybe we're not quite that.
What can they do in that case, Dave? They can. They
can make a gigantic fist. They can get a couple of friends that are
probably puppets, they can make their way to the center of the Goblin Kingdom,
and then they can punch that fucking baby of a donut donate button.
I'll call it the donut button until I die. I can't get around that.
This has never been a problem too recently. Well, I was going
to say, Toby, the donate button. If they if they want something
out of it, out of the money, instead of just throwing money,
why not get a T shirt? Oh, some are fully functioning store.
Yes, how about that guy's store. It's fully operation. Oh I'm afraid
your wallet. We'll find these store fully operation. God, it gets really
condescending. Oh well, sure, so that's that's enough business. Let's get
to some of the fun shit. That business is their pleasure. I'm going
to start in on on this because man, there's a lot to get to
and it's all fun and games and you will lose an eye. So Goblins
are malevolent little creatures from folklore that live in dark places and delight and causing
trouble. As a mythological creature, they have evolved into grotesque, pointy eared,
green skinned, the little bastards that live deep underground and have quite the
murderous streak. Oh no, oh, We're gonna look at the history of
them in folklore, where the term came from, how they're described, and
their influence in pop culture. We even have a few news articles of recent
goblin activity, which, as we said, we're provided very kindly by listener
Barok. Yeah, if you want a goblin hunt, there is one place
on earth you need to go. Where's it? I'm not telling you yet,
Okay, Okay, dangling that carrot Jesus. So if we and if
we have time to get to a story or a poem here there we've got
that. So yeah, we'll see, we'll see. Let's get to the
etymology of the name. Cause yeah, as you may have found. The
frustrating thing about goblins is that the name is synonymous with a host of fantastical
creatures. Goblin is usually a general term that's used for a small evil creature,
but that could encompass such variations as you wanna you wanna join me on
this list, you want to tennis rackets, such variations as bogarts, bogies,
blobbins, bogels, brags, farfadet, jiggle, nibs, gobbies,
jul hobgobs, go bowls, little nickels, luton knockers, pooka spriggan,
bugbear, bo bach, pickle sniffer, patroll brownies, and so on.
It's up to you to pick out which ones we're not We're not actually terms
back, that's a pretty good one, you know what. Well, gosh,
what have we got over here? A couple boo go with my garden.
Do you remember talking about the grog, Yeah, the grog or the
grogac, the little hairy naked man that that loves I love that cream.
Oh God, just to give in so rich full of cream. Fun me.
It's kind of like that. So anyways, in British folklore, there's
sometimes a type of faith folk albeit a very mischievous or malicious one. Not
The word goblin has no definite origin, but a lot of potential rig Oh
yeah, may have derived from the Greek cobolos, which from a cheat were
which we're michievous MutS could be done a trey hobos uh, which were mischievous
little known dwarves or you know, a little tricky elves of Greek mythology who
hung out with Dionysus um. From there developed the Latin cobalus or mountains hear
it? Then how about it take a trip up to France for Goblinus Gobelinus.
What do you think? I don't know. I like Gobelinus, a
demon which was expelled from a temple in Normandy. English have borrowed this version
to arrive at Goblin on the Welsh Coblinum, which means either knocker thumper or
spirit or fiend. Yeah, well we'll come back to that too, because
knocker thumper, spirit, spy, sweater puppy spy. Eleven forty one is
when we have the account of Gobolinus written by or Drake Vitalis, and then
eleven ninety five Goblin appears in Amboie of Normandy's Garasant. I would have said
Ambrose, but I would have been wrong. Yeah, there's no are it
wasn't. What does that does that mean? Holy War? Um? Yeah?
Or War Saint War Saint? Yeah? Yeah, I just figured War
Saint was kind of weird. But if it's if, if that's not what
it is, that's our new comic book. It'd be probably be pretty cool.
Yeah. It wasn't until the fourteenth century that English records the first use
of goblin as we know it. And here's a little fun aside for you.
Okay, the words elves. The words elves and goblins go back to
Guelphs and Ghibellinus, the names of two political parties that divided Italy during the
Middle Ages, when the Pope and the Holy Roman Empire had a dick measuring
contest. Who I don't know. I don't know that much about popoury and
what were they using measure? Oh? Did you mean that in a not
literal way? Do you want to you want to listen on how to kill
jokes? Or sorry, are you gonna teach me saying that's my job?
Job? My job should never be that. But sometimes you don't make enough
money. Sometimes I Moonlight. The author of this etymology was E. K
Akaan Spencer, the author of the poem Fairy Queen. His take was that
elves and goblins were invented to keep the common people in ignorance, saying,
when all Italy was distracted into factions of the Guelphs and the Ghiblins, being
two famous houses in Florence, the name began, through their great mischiefs and
many outrages, to be so odious or rather dreadful, that if their children
at any time were forward and wanting, they would say to them that the
Guelphs and the Giblin came, which words now from them become into our usage,
And for Guelphs and Ghiblins we say elves and goblins. That was a
good reading getting, considering like enough there was enough Middle English with the extra
ease, and in there there were a lot of rogue e's going around.
Yeah, forward is froward that that's actually more fun? Oh I missed that.
I could have said that I will regrets. The hardest thing to live
with shere is God? Can that be the subtitle of art podcast Flurry Photos
Regrets The hardest thing to blowin? Now? Here's the fun fact. A
group of goblins is referred to as a horde. Female goblins are referred to
as hags or crones. Really for the Horde. They didn't know that,
do you know? There were three nights a year when goblins were most active.
On Those evenings were called tier tier nos Oh tierns, yes, bran
nos, or three nights for spirits. That's Welsh by the way, Oh
sweet may Day Eve, Midsummer Eve and all Hallows Eve. Yep, so
there are three separate nights in the year, and it kind of ties into
like Solwin in a way, you know, where the veil is innest.
In a work by sixteenth century occultist and egotistical renaissance man Paracelsus, the king
of the cave dwelling Gnomes is named gob and the subjects are goblins, although
arrested development taught us that that's pronounced job joblins joblins. Yeah, Paracelsis.
I have a feeling we'll be hearing back from him later on in the season,
just because of his work in chemistry. Oh yeah, you like to
look at that ankle, good sir, About a little whiff of wrist,
worst riffa How about let's let's describe these things and get off the first page
of this Goblins stand between a foot and a half to three feet tall or
up to a meter and more often cratch tall is what they are, and
more often than not, they are disgusting, ugly, dirty, ransdly odiferous.
They are revolting in many ways. They can have small yellow eyes,
long thin, warty noses, long pointy ears, thin sneering lips revealing crooked,
sharp yellow teeth, and long fingers with sharp nails which accumulate filth so
that any scratch quickly becomes infected. They're dirty. Nowadays they're typically depicted with
green skin, wearing whatever clothing they come across. Their intelligence is well below
average, now I mean not always, though sometimes they're very clever. I
mean, and I'm not just talking about like World of Warcraft goblins, but
like the there is like a fair amount of like crafty goblin things. You
know what? You know what a goblin? I just thought of that I
forgot all about. Did you ever see, uh, what was that Stephen
King movie Cat's Eye? I never saw it. It's a collection of stories,
as I recalling. In one of them, there was a little goblin.
M Yeah, it was the cat fought a goblin for who got to
be the biggest hole in the house for a while. In older tales,
you're right, they have well, they their descriptions. They have bushy brows,
gray hair and beards, and they're not green at all, and they're
more humanlike, and they have a cunning intellect. They may also possess magical
abilities, including a degree of invisibility. Sweet In some cultures they are more
like tricksters who steal horses, horses horses who steal horses to ride at night,
hide small objects, tip over pails of milk, altar signposts, much
like the pixies of Great Britain. Some believe that goblins are more malevolent,
weaving nightmares out of Gotham there and inserting them into weaving nightmares with out of
Gothamer scream scream for your life from the dingear and inserting them into the ear
of a sleeping human, Stealing human and women and children and hiding them away
underground, or even stealing human babies and replacing them with ugly goblin babies.
A changelings and ps. You're We're going to come back to some of that
goblin behavior later boy, Now many tales paint them is greedy, with a
love for silver, gold or other bulbles or Michael booblats. We mostly think
of them living underground, but those of a more phalite characteristic were said to
inhabit households like brownies did. If they were given gifts, they would be
helpful, but if they felt slighted in the slightest they would bang pots,
pans, knock on walls, doors, which is why they're called knockers.
Oh, also that gigantic boobs. They would rearrange items, throw things,
tangle horses, manes, and tails. And if that wasn't whimsical enough,
how about they just dig up the bones of your loved ones scatter them things.
Yeah, that that really escalated. I'm gonna get your horsetail. Look
out, I'm gonna take your daughter and scatter the bones. I'm gonna bang
these pots together. And if that doesn't work, I'll desecrate the grave of
your loved ones. That's how you do it. Now, it may have
been a good omen if you find goblins living in a mine, because they
were thought to linger near the richest loads loads loads. A couple of articles
are goblins may have originated between the French or Spanish Pyrenees, from which they
spread throughout Europe. You know, that's one of those things where it's like
one out of every three things you read says that, Yeah, you know,
one of these days and maybe when we finally get around to doing Atlantism,
we got to talk more about the Pyrenees Mountains. In Andorrach, that
tiny, tiny little country that lives between France and Spain. They speak a
completely unique non Romance language. There's a lot of weird anomalies about and Dora.
And mean, you know, one of the running theories that I think
that even they are like sure is that they are a little enclave of displaced
Atlanteans. Yeah. Another here nor there. We covered alley near the Ding,
somewhere near the gothamous strands of nightmares and cobwebs. You know, we
covered a lot of creatures that are kind of lumped under the goblin umbrella.
And we have before, I mean we got I mean even in Kentucky there
was like a gremlin goblin alien. Oh yeah, then diagram with a whole
bunch of shotgun wielding people in the middle. Yeah, the the Kelly Hopkinsville
encounter. They called those goblins, didn't they Sometimes we we went over down
our Grimlins episode, but I think they're they're more classified. If you google,
do you classify the right? If you google Kentucky goblins, that's what
you're gonna do, You're gonna get. But we've talked about specifically in our
Irish Legends episode. I feel like we hit a bunch of these. Yeah,
the Puca, the grogach, which we've talked about red cap. Maybe
that was on the Gremlins, but we've we've gone over that, so we're
not going to talk about every specific type that's lumped under goblin. But this
is important too, because I mean, it's kind of I enjoyed this in
the same manner I really liked our ghost Taxonomy episode of Yeah, okay,
what's the difference between a goblin and a hobgoblin and a green goblin in a
green lantern huh in in Lanta lantan Lantana in black Manta lantern Lantana. That's
who I dressed as. I'm lantern Lantana. My my? What have we?
There are two rules you remember if you want to have a good time.
Rule Number one never run out of coot foot if rule number two,
never forget rule number one. Oh that's cool, thanks, Billy d oh,
Billy d All right, what are we talking about goblins? Probably?
Yeah, we talked about having having talked about them. But the difference between
YadA YadA, we haven't talked about talking about them. So you you you
said hobgoblins. Yeah, I want to know what the difference between a goblin
and a hobgoblin is? Well, I do too. Hobgoblins seem to be
a spirit of the household. A hobb is a term for a fireplace,
shelf or maybe a cook top. Right. They're almost like a combination of
a goblin and a brune, which is a brownie. We call them brownies.
It's the Scottish is brune. They'll help around a house if they're fed,
and their pride causes them to leave forever if they're giving a piece of
clothing instead. Is that like reverse house elves. It's probably where it came
from, right, Probably. Unlike brunis, they are fond of practical oaks
and calls mostly harmless troublemaking, like putting Grandma's skull in the hood of your
car. Now Cobalds. Oh yeah, we've heard of you know, I'm
sorry to interrupt you. A lot of the stuff I'm not A lot of
stuff comes from our nerds circles like, yeah, we go back to D
and D and the fantasy realm and all that stuff. Anyone who's ever played
a pen and paper role playing game or any fantasy video game RPG. Yeah,
you're gonna kill a lot of cobolds and goblins. Really yeah, like
right off the tip, it's always cobald time. Yeah. So in the
Balder's Gate, I think with like your first big quests were like, go,
go take a cave of cobolds out. Oh yeah, the same World
of Warcraft. Man. The thing one thing I always liked for some reason,
in the World of Warcraft, they made it so that the Cobalds were
positive that your job was to steal their candles. There actually might be a
question we have to take them, but for the rest of the game they'll
always scream, you know, takey candle, cheese Yoh yeah yeah, mister
Cobald, me take candle, Me takey candle. So sorry, so so
tell us about what they are. They are Germanic in origin, um and
it's it's kind of tough to say if it has any direct ties to the
Greek cobalos, which I don't see how it couldn't um or the Latin cobalis,
which I also feel like is related to the Greek whatever. You know.
And as we said, like I don't consider Cobald to be a goblin.
They're like, yeah, they're like rat dogs, rat dog things.
Yeah, humanoid rat dog yeah, man bear peg man bear pigs, totally
seal. Having said that, though they've they're also historically been more of machieval
miss a machetti spirit, a mischievous spirit that inhabits people's homes. They live
in deep minds, duh or this is a good one. Live on ships.
They're like like gremlins, but for ships. Oh that's great. Yeah.
I think they even wear little sailor outfits too. Oh they're like wheel
little sailors. Look look at the mist your week. Oh that's adorable.
Now give me that can candle. I take your candle. I don't know
why we're Scottish when they're Germanic. Oh look little salem on hey e schools
me me, it's the tiny sailor I would like to take a candle.
That's all your sinkings about that? Oh it was a TwixT question because I
don't care. You can make that a candle, any kind of candle,
and a kind of salem on. Alright, you've exhausted it. You're getting
real self indulgent there. How about the underground dwelling cobolds. These guys are
little fuckers. And actually they name the element cobalt is from cobalds. It's
kind of cool a medieval mimers. Medieval miners would blame the ill effects of
the arsenic ores that was found in cobalatite and smellatite on cobalts, so whenever
they were getting poisoned by their surroundings, they were like, it's the darty
cobalds, these little cobolds doing it. Yeah, pretty cool. They named
an element after the Yeah, I think so too. Calicant Zaro's is a
type of goblin in Greek and Cypriot folklore. They are creatures of a night,
but emerge from their underground dwellings from December twenty fifth to January sixth,
when the sun ceases its seasonal movement. It's believed that calicant zaroi stay underground,
sawing the World Tree that holds up the earth so that it will collapse
along with the earth dicks. However, when they're about to saw the final
part Christmas Dons and they're able to come to the surface, they forget the
tree and come to bring trouble to mortals. Finally, on the Epiphany,
which is January sixth, the sun starts moving again and they must go underground
to continue their sawing. They see that during their absence, the World Tree
has healed itself, so they must start working all over again, which happens
every year. Idiot's interesting that it's it's Greek and they have a world tree.
Yeah, kind of like the Scandinavian, the Norse, Igjrazil, you
know. And then I mean Epiphany very Christian, right the stuff? Yeah,
so I mean, what an inclusive little tale. How about the Duende?
They are goblin like creatures from Spanish pork porkages. Jesus, what what
happened to me? Port crimes? Yeah? I like, I want to
go to pork porkage. They are goblin like creatures from Spanish, Portuguese and
Philippine fork folklore. Do you smell toast Jesus? Maybe? I need a
drink. Parts of cheesus particky, okay, start all over. Goblin like
creatures from Spanish, Portuguese and Filipino folklore and they are more forest spirits can
with the tick belong. They wander the forest in big hats, look out
everybody, they whistle and in enchanting tour they whistling and chanting tune and lure
children off the path to lose them in the forest. In Mexico, they
live in homes and try to clip toenails of unkempt children, sometimes taking a
toe in the process. Slapped Lo Santo Chico. In the Philippines, they
come in white or black colors and play with children. Are just straight up
take children like hey, you know, dealer's choice hopscotch or getting the veil.
It's the white the white goblins play with them and the black goblins take
them away. Are you sure? Huh? Okay? Sorry, racist,
just don't Oh no, no, no, you're not racist. But you
know you're just gonna continue to make sure propagate them very exactly, or you're
a mom, or maybe I'll teach him so they can make the choice.
Do you guys know? No joke? And please write in about this floor
is gonna vote for Trump. That's his thing. He's gonna do that.
Someone just want to watch the world bon monster Bruce. In Zimbabwe, one
cause of a child being born with a disability is that a goblin called a
figwompo may have impregnated the mother while she was sleeping. Jesus Zimbabwe, Gross,
We're gonna go back there now. Some consider the Japanese Tingu to be
a type of goblin. And how many times have we talked about these?
Yeah, no doubt real quick Tingu from what we have have read Apostle fucking
awesome PS one game. Oh yeah, just called tingu, yeah, Ninja.
I like the version where they're little bird men. They're like a bird
humanoid types that are very well versed in martial arts and sword fighting, and
they live up in the mountains. And I think there are a couple of
versions of them. But in early Tengu legends, they did such evil deeds
as starting fires and kidnapping and eating children. They could also transform themselves into
humans and mislead people. You want to see some more of this ankle this
way te tang janglers. In later Tingu legends, they become more mischievous and
even helpful to people, so they kind of soften up. I guess those
are Those are a few different, you know types of goblins from around But
now that we've scared you into a coma, you're terrified about having a pot
clanked or or the skull of a loved one. Dug up Flora. Can
a man protect this family? Water filters? Only if you buy little silver
too. That's the family. Buy my supplemental vitamins. Uh, well,
here's some here's some things you can do to protect yourself if if you have
a goblin infestation. I'll tell you all right now, Well, before you
go to bed, it wants you to tell your family that you love them.
I want you to read the Constitution to your children. Then I want
you to scatter flax seed all over the place. Buy my non GMO flax
seed. Feel like my Alex Jones is going flat. I haven't spent an
afternoon listening to them for a while, so maybe I'm due. I thought
you were speaking more intelligently. Yeah, you can scatter a bunch of flax
seed on the floor before you go to bed. When the goblin sneaks into
your house, it'll be obliged to pick up the seeds. It'll seldom complete
this task before dawn, and after several unsuccessful attempts, it will give up
and leave. I love that like it's seldom Like sometimes you get a really
diligent oblin and he's all like, I'm done, wake up. Nightmare than
God the movie. They can be propreciated by small gifts, so you can
bribe them, you can give them, but don't give them broken tablets of
propecia. If they're pregnant. For the Kelen Gonzo roy one could leave a
colander on their doorstep. If a Kelen Conzaro's approached for his evil doings,
he would instead decide to sit and count the holes until the sun rose and
he was forced to hide. There is some kind of OCD with counting.
Yeah, I guess, am I crazy if we run across that before?
Is there something about that's really ringing a bell in my head? About like
scattering seeds and they have to pick them all up before they can m Oh,
you know what it is. It's a it's not from the podcast.
It's um x files X files. There's the episode with the vamp. It's
one of my favorite episodes. It's the one with Luke Wilson who plays the
handsome sheriff, and Scully and Mulder each tell their own version of it.
In Mulder's version, he's got these giant teeth and he's all like full and
She's like, he doesn't look like that, Mulder, stop it. And
um. The kid, the redheaded kid from the sand lot, is the
vampire. He's also the pizza delivery guy. And mulders scatters toothpicks everywhere and
he's like, oh, why do you have to do that? Because the
vampire also had that OCD thing. They had to pick him all up.
That's it. Could you want me to tell you the whole episode? Because
I think like, I'm eighty percent of the way there. Will you wait
until I go get a beer? The calen CONZOI also could not count above
two since three is a holy number and by pronouncing it they would kill themselves.
Now, how am they gonna sit and count calendar holes if the ki
over two? Mm? No no no no, no no no no.
Another method of protection is to leave the fire burning in the fireplace all night
so they can't enter through there, like like little evil Santa Claus. Yeah,
that's wasteful. So that's that's the Greek way to protect yourself. That's
such a weird thing that they've got OCD. They have to count, but
they can't count. Yeah, yeah, how does did they? Did they
think about the tales they were telling? Well, you know, if you
put out a dish of cream, you know they can't resist it. But
they're all lactose and taller, and it'll spend the entire night throwing up,
farting all of the place. So now comes the part of Sprockets where we
dance. We've got some cool literature here, and uh, I think we
should start off with our good buddy. You know what, we love you
guys. You know what that means. He's gonna give you something special.
We're gonna give you the d We're gonna give the Chucky Dren. We're gonna
give you the Dickens. Charles Dickens and his short story Christmas Goblins. Chuck
d Dave, would you like to would you like to regale us? I'll
provide some flavour or color commentary. You'll provide some flavor flavor for this Chuck
d oh No, I'll provide flavor with an O U nice, let's see.
Oh okay, I know it's voice. I'm gonna do this in what
well what is it? On the firsth Fandyke scale, firsth fandex scale.
I'm gonna go towards Firth on this one because this is a kind of a
long story, and when I get real deep in the Van Dyke, it's
it's tough for a long, prolonged listening listening in for a telling, I
think, yeah, yeah, everybody loses. Okay. In an old abbey
town a long long while ago, they're officiated as sexton, grave, Daggel
and the churchyard. One Gabriel grub. He was an little conditioned, cross
grained, surly fellow who consulted with nobody but himself and an old wicker bottle
which fitted into his large, deep waistcoast pocket. A little before twilight,
when Christmas Eve, Gabriel shouldered his spade, lighted his lantern, and betook
himself toward the old churchyard, for he had a grave to finish by next
morning, and feeling very low, he thought it might raise his spirits perhaps
if he went on with the work at once, hap phaps, mayhaps he
strode along until he turned into the dark lane which led to the churchyard,
a nice, gloomly mournful place which the townspeople did not care to go to
except in broad daylight. Consequently, he was not a little indignant to hear
a young urchin roaring out some jolly song about a merry Christmas, goddful Christmas.
So did you? Gabriel awaited until the boy came up, then wrapped
him with a head with his lantern five or six times to teach him to
modulate his voice. Wow, it begs the question, what kind of urch
and stands still for such a drubbing. I like to think that he's like,
ah, oh, that's the right one, hair it is. As
the boy hurried away with his hand to his head, Gabriel Grubb chuckled to
himself and entered the churchyard. Locked in the gate behind him, he took
off his coat, put down his lantern, and, getting into an unfinished
grave, worked at it for an hour or so with right good will.
But the earth was hardened with the frost, and it was no easy matter
to break it up and shovel it out. At any other time this would
have made Gabriel very miserable, but he was so pleased at having stopped the
boy singing beating a child? Or do remember drubbing a child? Fondly?
Do boy? Oft times? Find my mind turning back a pace you a
omen I first heard the lapid clack crossed his face. Oh how he wailed
and moved, Happy day, Happy day. It warms a cockles of me?
Are it does? Now? Where was I? Oh? That's right,
don't get a grave? And he took little heed of the scanty progress
he had made when he had finished work for the night, looked down into
the grave with grim satisfaction, and murmured at his as he gathered up his
things. Brave lodgings for one, brave lodgings for one, A few feet
of cold earth when life is done. Or he laughed and set himself down
on a flat tombstone, which was a favorite resting place of his, and
drew forth his wicker bottle a coffin at Christmas. A Christmas botts ho ho,
repeated a voice close beside him, wars the echoes, said, he
raising the bottle to his lips. Again it was not said a deep voice.
Gabriel started up and stood rooted to the spotted terror, for his eyes
rested on a form that made his blood run quite cold. Seated on an
upright tombstone close to him was a strange, unearthly figure. He was sitting
perfectly still, grinning at Gabriel grub with such a grin as could only a
goblin call up. What do you hear, Old Christmasy, said the goblin
sternly. What kind to dig a grave? Sir, stammered Gabriel. What
man wonders among graves on such a night as this? Cried the goblin screamed
a wild course of voices that seemed to feel the churchyard. What have you
got in that bottle? Saith the goblin? All in, Sir, replied
the sexton, trembling more than ever, for he had bought it of the
smugglers, and thought his questioner might be in the excise department of the goblins.
You drink solids alone, and in a churchyard? Aren't such a night
as this? Exclaimed the wild voices again? And no, then is our
lawful prize? Exclaimed the goblin, raising his voice. The invisible chorus replied,
Well, Gabriel, what do you say to this? Said the goblin,
as he grinned, abroad a grin then before sexton gasped for breath.
What do you think of this Skypbriel, bitch, it's very curious, sir,
very curious, son, very pretty, replied the sexton, half dead
with fright. Well, I think I'll go back and finish my work,
sir, if you please, work, said the goblin. What work the
grave, sir? Oh? The grave? They who makes graves at a
time where other men are mary and takes a pleasure in it. Again,
the voices replied, I'm afraid my friends want you, Gabriel, said the
goblin. Under favor, Sir, replied the horse stricken sexton. I don't
think they can. They don't know me, sir. I don't think the
gentleman I've ever even seen me. Oh yes they have. We know the
man who stroked the boy in the envious malice of his heart, because the
boy could be merry and he could not. Here the goblin gave a loud,
shrill laugh, which the echoes returned twentyfold. What I'm afraid I must
leave you, sir, said the sexton, making an effort to move.
Leave us, said the goblin. As the goblin laughed, he suddenly darted
towards Gabriel laid his hand upon his collar and sank with him through the earth.
And when he had had time to fetch his breath, he found himself
in what appeared to be in a large cavern, surrounded on all sides by
goblins, ugly and grim. And now said the king of the goblins,
seated in the center of the room, on an elevated seat, his friend
at the churchyard, Show the man of misery and gloom a few of the
pictures from our great storehouses. As the goblin said this, a cloud rolled
gradually away and disclosed a small and scantily furnished, but neat apartment. Little
children were gathered round a bright fire, cringing to their mother's gown or gamboling
around her chair. A frugal meal was spread upon the table, and an
edibow chair was placed near the fire. Soon the father entered, and the
children ran to meet him. As he sat down to his meal, the
mother sat by his side, and all seemed happiness and comfort. What do
you think of that, Ebenezus, Gabriel, grub said the goblin. Gabriel
murmured something about it being very pretty. Show him some more, said the
goblin. Many a time the cloud went and came, and many a lesson
it taught to Gabriel grub He saw that men who worked hard and earned their
scanty bread were cheerful and happy, and he came to the conclusion that it
was a very respectable sort of world after all. No sooner had he formed
it than the cloud closed over. The last picture seemed to settle on his
senses and lull him into repose. One by one, the goblins faded from
his side, and as the last one disappeared, he sank to sleep.
The day had broken when he awoke and found himself lying on the flat gravestone,
and the wicker bottle empty by his side. He got on his feet
as well as he could, and, brushing the frost off his coat,
turned his face toward the town. But he was an altered man. He
had learned lessons of gentleness and good nature by his strange adventures in the Goblin's
cotin. Okay, So, Charles Dickens apparently tried like a lot of attempts,
like like Christmas Carol is like the forty fifth version. Yeah, although
I wish that we had goblins in Christmas. Christmas goblins. That'd be great,
that'd be great. That was a good one. Christmas goblins that have
a moral and teach lessons of h Yeah, that's that's a lot of fun,
that's all. That's all well and good. But you want to know
what I want to hear? What I want? A perm? Perm perm?
How about the Nine Little Goblins by James Whitcomb Riley. I'll accept it
because I love math. They all climbed up on a high board fence,
nine little goblins with green glass eyes, nine little goblins that had no sense
and couldn't tell coppers from coldman's pies. And they all climbed up on the
fence and set and I asked them what they were staring at. And the
first one said, as he scratched his head with a queer little arm that
reached out of his ear and rasped its claws and its hair so red,
this is what this little arm is fur. And he scratched and stared,
And the next one said, how on earth do you scratch your head?
And he laughed like the screech of a rusty hinge, laughed and laughed till
his face grew black. And when he choked with a final twinge of his
stifling laughter. He thumped his back with a fist that grew on the end
of his tail to the breath came back to his lips so pale. And
the third little goblin leered round at me, and there were no lids on
his eyes at all, and he clucked one eye, and he says,
says, he, what is the style of your socks this fall? And
he clapped his heels, and I sighed to see that he had hands where
his feet should be. Then a bald faced goblin, gray and grim,
bowed his head and I saw him slip his eyebrows off as I looked at
him, and paced them over his upper lip. And then he moaned in
remorseful pain wound a would i'd me rouse again? And then the whole of
the goblin band rocked on the fence top to and fro and clung in a
long row, hand in hand, singing the songs that they used to know,
singing the songs that their grandsires sung in the Goo goo days of the
goblin tongue. Us, Hey, at least it's no Vaneta, Yeah,
that's true. And ever they kept their green glass eyes fixed on me with
a stony stare till my own grew glazed with a dread surmise, and my
hat whooped up on my lifted hair, and I felt the heart in my
breast snapped two as you've heard the lid of a snuffbox, dude, And
they sang, you're asleep. There is no board fence, and never a
goblin with green glass eyes. Tis only a vision that mind in fence after
a supper of cold mince eies. And you're doomed to dream this way,
they said, And you shan't wake up to you a clean plum, dad.
That is truly a fever dream. It really was hands feet oh man.
Now I've heard every I've heard it all. James Whitcomb, Riley Waito,
great to do it. Lots of literature with with goblins. Yeah.
The Goblin Market was a lengthy poem written by Victorian poet Christina Rossetti. I
thought about including that in this Just too long man, it's just too long
man, too much work. We're already getting long in the tooth. Yeah,
And we've already, you know, and we've gone on with some of
these other these other sources. You know, plenty of folk tales, and
stories about tricksy goblins and tricksy Hobbits. I mean Tolkien, for for sake.
There you go, tons of goblins in that. They feature in all
the big Ones Haunts, Christian Andersen, the Brothers Graham, of course they're
in there. But yeah, Tolkien, I think is what has formed the
basis for the modern goblin. I think so. I think so too.
You know, it's funny. Actually, just the other night I was watching
The Two Towers because Deathly and He died plug I will be helping dark Mark
souloff with blaster A podcasts Muff movies. We're doing The Two Towers, which
I think will be out in three weeks. But I was struck by the
goblins are by far the most terrifying creatures in that. I think they're way
spookier than the Orcs because they're just beady eyed and very very just vicious looking,
and they have so many different colorations and little little bits of metal holding
their heads together. And yeah, oh man, and the newer Hobbit movies
have the goblins in there, obviously, the scene with the Goblin king in
those, they're very much little little spinley spidery, little little guys. The
Goblin King made no sense to me in the Hobbit because it couldn't look any
less like a goblin. Yeah, it's like all the goblins in it are
like sinewy and lean and tiny and tiny, and this thing was fat and
job of the huttish. It was like the size of the what are those
ogres? The trolls mountain trolls? Is that? Which one are you thinking
of? Because there's the three trolls that turned to stone? Right? Oh?
Yeah, yeah, but but I'm talking about the big things that fight.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know if they're ever identified, always
figured they were ogres. You know what's what's killing me right now is I
can't get Harry Potter out of my head with the mountain troll that comes,
Like I keep that keeps popping in my head. Are there? Because there's
the three Maybe those are ogres that turned to stone. No, I think
those are trolls. I think you're right about that. But yeah, the
in the first the Fellowship of the Ring, Yeah, he well, yeah,
anyways, Nerd nerding out and I mean and and Tolkeen. From there,
it's a hop skipping a jump to uh Gary guy, GaX and in
Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah, all of wizards, Wizards of the Coast over
Magic the Gathering. I mean, one of my good friends in high school,
like swore by a goblin deck. Like he he made it his mission
to create the ultimate Goblin deck. You know how how people do you know,
you have different builds and stuff. But yeah, he totally went and
got the Goblin King. And was that Magic the Gathering. Yeah, yeah,
that's what That's what I'm talking about. I think I might even have
a Goblin deck myself, but I just my heart was never into the goblins.
You were just a tourist. I made an elf deck, I yeah,
you know, and it's all of the it's one of like the top
villains. I mean, if you've got a real classic fantasy story, there's
going to be a dragon, there's going to be an arc. There's gonna
be a goblin. Yeah, you're you're easy fodder. Is is goblin?
Yeah? And of course, of course, as we have referenced at the
beginning the old Classic Labyrinth. Oh did we I don't remember. Oh,
I guess we didn't talk about that, dude. Now, one thing,
I thought it'd be fun to throw in here. You heard of a goblin
shark? Have you ever heard? Oh? Yeah, yeah, But I
mean all sharks can kind of like launch their jaws for it, but a
goblin shark, oh my god, like a full foot it feels like the
Oh yeah, they're spooky. This it's an ugly assid deep sea shark whose
name is a translation of its old Japanese name, Tingu Zame, and of
course Tingu you know, as we said, it was considered a goblin early
on. But yeah, it's got kind of like this flat sword like projection
coming out the top of its skull, and then its mouth is underneath,
and it's kind of like it's like a car port on a house and the
jaws are the car. It just comes zooms out. Yeah, it's just
all spointy teeth and it just launches out. It's like a separate fucking thing
from the shark. This it's jaws and teeth. It's it's hell thusting.
I hate fish with teeth. They're just grossish, have teeth. I hate
them, hate them all all. I don't friminate. Let's talk about some
some modern goblin encounters. What we got where we're Yeah, let's get to
some of these rights things that Brooks. Yeah, and I'll tell you what,
brook thank you so much for all those awesome links and what they what
they If you want to put all these in one pot, the pot is
called Central Africa is really into goblins and they are fucking up everything. Boca
Haram might entirely be made up of goblins. Every single story is uh Goblins
stopped a school from they had a shutdown school because of goblin assault. Local
women are getting impregnated by goblins at night. Goblins telling God, you know,
telling guys they have to leave their wives so that the goblins can have
them a lot of goblin action all right. Here, here's a great one
that Brooks sent us. Goblins terrorize in Yathi villagers. Goblins have allegedly been
terrorizing villagers in Dromo Land Village eight in in Yathi, which which is in
uh Nigeria, where they are alleged to may thunder like noises at their homesteads
at night. Somebody taking thunder sounds because I will sue a goblin. I've
seen green guts. They've got money, well, that means they can hire
good goblin law. The goblins are also alleged to turn into spiritual husbands and
sleep with female villagers. By the way, spiritual Husbands is the name of
our next R and B band, Good Leaving Ladies. My name's Dave Stecko
with me as always David Flow, and we are spirituals yea, thanks for
coming out. That can be our two thousand dollars market. Yeah, there
you go, our R and B album Spiritual. By the time we get
that done, we'll be literal husbands. So, uh, I just want
to make a real quick observation here. Doesn't seem like all these African tales
of witchcraft and voodoo and goblins and whatnot creatures they're all sexual based or like
rape. Well, I mean we talked about this before. There's um the
cultural psychosis, a penis theft, Yeah, penis theft, penis wizards and
things like that. But yeah, these there definitely is like a very sexual
component to it. In some of these accounts, the goblins aren't actually raping
women, but they're giving them sex dreams or they're yeah, and they're they're
messing with the family dynamic. They're interceding between husband and wife. They're they're
really they're really in it for the sweet sweet sex um. They're not like
whimsical pranksters, like like European guys, all right. In an article from
twenty fourteen, this comes to us from Zimbabwe, the Ministry of Primary and
Secondary Education has transferred fifteen senior teachers and their headmistress from Nagababi Primary School in
deep following a fallout with the community over the issue of goblins that are alleged
to have terrorized them. I keep imagining like a cross between a witch trial
and a PTA meeting. Oh wow, and it's it's great. It's I
mean, it really is. It's like they're it's like they're describing like a
raccoon problem in a school. Yeah. Yeah, I guess people in the
village actually got together and wanted them to remove the teachers from the school because
they thought maybe the teachers were faking that goblins were running amuck. Yeah that
that somehow seems like maybe that's what was going on. But one of the
teachers who spoke to the interviewers said, at one point, we heard children
crying outside and we warned each other not to go outside. Is we didn't
know what was happening, especially when movements could be heard on the rooftops of
the cottages. They've got a Kelly Hopkinsville, they really do. Yeah,
they just got the shotguns. Uh. You know what one thing I liked
about this story is um there is the quote from the Progressive Teachers Union of
Zimbabwe Matabeleland North provincial coordinator whose name is never nuan Zavi, first name never
said and I just love I would love to be like to hear the quote
because I hope that there was like a exasperated resignation. Uh. And he
said it was unfortunate that the root cause of the goblins issue was not addressed
and to accuse the community elders of judging teachers based on failure to attend the
chiefs meeting and not a issue. The issue at hand is goblins. And
I'm tired of the spin cycle. I'm tired of the whitewashing. I'm tired
of the lies. I want to get to the root of it. There
are goblins in our schools. No one's doing anything about it. Whistleblowers.
This is this is a political attack based don teachers, educators who are fearing
for their lives. They don't want their family members, the village media trying
to say, these guys didn't show up to their meetings. They're too busy
fighting goblins. Of course they didn't go to the chiefs meeting. They can't
even leave the school for fear of all the noise on the roof and the
children crying. Buy some of my supplemental zebra pellets. That's right, it's
terrible. But like we said, these poor people in these villages in the
and they they get worked up over what they consider witchcraft, the mass hysteria
going there. Yeah, which is a little bit ironic. Don't you think,
No, I'm not gonna sing the album why not a good little pill?
Why? Why aren't Why aren't you to think that this is happening in
a school. You'd think the one place where you would kind of fight the
uh, the mass hysteria and the witchcraft. Spread of witchcraft thoughts. Anyway,
all right, let's get down some of these other things. These are
the great things. Uh, Goblin's overpower, traditional healer, Goblin's order men
to surrender wives. It's just the How about A regional politician name Fumi denied
that goblins had been found on his home premises. No, no, no
goblins terrorizing at the village Goblins suspected goblin's force closure of Nickhaigh School, mass
transfers of teachers of goblins, drama as women threatens to kill sik Mutanda over
goblin. Yes, there's gonna be some drama there. Girls at Zimbabwe school
attacked by goblins. Goblins hunt village heads over food aid. Notorious crow Day
Park Goblin has finally been exercised. Weary Zimbo's turned to goblins for cash,
bring your old, unused goblins and goblins for goblins. I just can't help
but think is it a cultural thing that when women are sexually abused that it
turns into some sort of fantastical thing. Is it that they don't want to
face the fact that that the men are doing this to them? I don't
know. I think that there is um and I'm literally just pulling things out
of thin air. But um, considering you know, the the the sexual
climate in Central Africa, it is for the most part very conservative. But
having said that, they have rampant HIV there's a huge problem with that.
There's a lot of extra emotional weight and baggage to issues of sex and yeah,
and how that gets dealt with. And I'm sure, there's I wonder
how often the goblins come up as a is a way for people who are
having not sexual necessarily, but any relationship problems, problems in the marriage,
um, you know, arguing, fighting. Oh well, it's not that
I'm being an atoll or you're you're not listening or whatever it is. It's
that god damn goblin. Yeah, you know, it's yeah, you know,
I and I'm maybe all through maybe none of the above. I don't
know, but there's yeah, there's there's the cultural safety valve. There,
there's there's something about everyone's willing to accept goblins as the source of a problem.
It's an area I don't know a lot of it. And here's another
very important thing to say that really just crossed my mind when I say,
uh, for all problems, I mean, this is a handful of very
clearly cherry picked articles because yeah, the episodes about goblins. You know,
it's like, if I could I could find five six articles about leprecons across
the United States. That doesn't mean that. I mean, it's not as
though everyone in the United States is running around screaming leper con. Oh you
know, true, you know, it's it's we're talking about an entire section
of a giant continent. So by no means are we saying, oh,
everyone's running around freaking out about goblins. No, that's not true. But
it does exist at a higher propensity than virtually anywhere else on Earth. And
you know, people in the United States blamed demons and angels for things.
It's it's your regional thing, you know. And it certainly doesn't mean that,
you know, everyone you know is blaming demons and angels for things happening.
But you certainly could find a note end of stories. There's entire publications
and magazines devoted to stories in which angels and or demons have improved or with
somebody's life. You know, I would say that we are far more further
down that scale than they are. A breath of levity from Dave Stecko.
Thank you for that perspective, Dave, I totally agree. I think that's
a great point. Well. I on that note, I think that I
think we should just stop talking. I think we should wrap up goblins in
a jagged, filthy, ugly, warty, green skinned needling. Yeah.
I like that. Who hates it when you beat children and graveyards? Apparently?
Yeah? God you know what else we need to clunk over the head
with a lantern six or seven times. Well, it's that puns. All
right, who's going to take the first bite? You go for it?
Okay, all right, right, okay, Well, Dave, you know
that there's a lot of mischievous little edible creatures that inhabit farmer's fields. Have
you heard of these things? No? If you catch them and take off
their thin husks, you could eat the corn on the coblins. Oh nice?
Oh dirty puns done dirt cheap. You know. There's another kind of
um goblin, sort of an offshoot, a subspecies, and they're just filthy.
They don't flush the toilet when they're done. They walk around with food
stains on their clothes. They leave just empty cereal bowls everywhere, pizza boxes.
They they don't do their laundry. Slob goblins. Sloblins. Sloblins Like
I've got any business for are you? Oh? Yeah, it's a hot
chocolate boutique. Oh I like hot chocolate. I know you like that.
It's uh, this one's actually underground. You have to go down underground to
it, and all the fixtures, the tables and the chairs, they're all
made of cobalt. It's called coco bold nice. Oh that's funny. You
should mention that because there was in the early eighties there was a very brief
there was a cartoon slash toy craze centered around creatures of folklore that would not
only live in deep minds, but they could also change their shape into race
cars or jet planes or anything. They were the go bolts. I always
like the gobots. Those were my go too, because transformers, I think
we're too expensive, peasant listen. I in my elementary here's the funny thing,
Like, uh, in retrospect, everyone realized the supremacy of transformers over
gobots, which when you really, if you go back, like look him
up on non Google sometimes, like gobots were pretty fucking lame. They just
they were as good as built as well. Sure, but a couple of
fun things. The leader of the enemy gobots, SI Kill, which was
pretty great. But the best gobot, and I remember this so distinctly from
elementary school, was like this mystical unicorn that no one could ever get because
most of the gobots they just made lame shit like an ambulance. Yeah.
Like, and there was one really awesome murder thing. It was a it
was an F fifteen fighter jet and it was like the leader of the gobots
and his name was Leader one. And I remember this because no one could.
You could never find Leader one store. And one kid who was actually
Kenyan at my elementary school's name was Asa Kabazi. I don't know, like
maybe I shouldn't say his whole name. Who cares? Asa had Leader one
And when he brought that to school for show and tell, it was a
genuine like oh, like everyone's like could I hold it? And he would
like really, lord it of me? Like mmmm, okay, there's a
big deal when somebody had Leader one. Diaggressions them's puns and puns. Yeah,
well now we get to uh, we get to step up from our
cheaply made puns to the more expensive and interchangeable form of new machines and the
listener mail more than we can read listeners wags there battle to destroy the ignorant
forces, Dave and David kicking it off New Listener Lawrence writer well sure sympathize,
sympathizes with us about all the weird Feedbacker getting on the flat Earth episode,
which I really enjoyed, and talks about that you can. The Bedford
level experiments, which we even talked about, actually did have some false readings,
but that did show that the earth is curved and it's testable and repeatable.
Also, if the south pole is an ice wall, then surely it
would take longer to sail around the south pole than it would sail around that
point. That is a great point, right, wouldn't that be wouldn't you
think that would be the case. Yeah, I mean, if you think
about a record, a vinyl record, the little hole in the middle being
the north pole, how you put your finger around it, just encircle the
whole and then go down to the outer edge of the record. Yeah,
you know. And and how does that figure in? Well, it doesn't,
the kid because nobody does. That also recommended that we might enjoy the
parapod. Okay, yeah, so it's uh one skeptical and was one ghost
hunter both comedians. What Yeah, I feel like they're stepping on our son.
No, that sounds awesome. Thank you, Lawrence, Thank you,
Lawrence Dave. We've heard from Maxi Lou Oh hello Maxie Hot, Maxalu,
you bastards. She wrote, I recently discovered your podcast and have since lost
all my reading, TV, gaming time trying to catch up. Oh,
don't give up gaming, listen to us while you uh go craft minds.
Oh yeah, that's that's a that's quality podcast times when I when I try
to listen to something, though when I'm playing, I retain zero. I
don't I'm so focused in building my stupid ass cobblestone structures. I you know
what I listened to, or I'll bring up like I've been on a real
run lately of listening to to my mind when I class comedian bits like Eddie
Murphy raw, or I've been listening to a ton of George Carlin lately.
Beautiful. Yeah, it's it's awesome, she says. To make matters worse,
I now find myself thinking in puns. Nice. My quality of life
has decreased remarkably, and yet like a junkie, I can't quite manage to
walk away. She says. She grew up in a small town in central
Utah, and Uh, there's a tradition in the town that if a younger
brother gets married before his older brother, the older brother has to dance in
a pig trough at the wedding. I love it. Yeah, that sounds
awesome. She says, it's a small town. We have to make our
own entertainment. I believe, Thank you, Maxie Lou, thank you got
one from Lunar Kiddy, Doo doo. I don't even know what noises making
that it's fun the shark and I like the sprockets sound that. Yeah,
thank you. Luna Kiddy wants us to know that for all of the primitive
screw heads, I think that's are bad luck Miow, Miamaw, you stupid
Miamyow. What the fuck miaw the Miamiyow? I thought miaw was the beat.
No wrong, No it wasn't. PS pro tip for me learned from
a true Vulgarian. Learned to insult with twenty words where only one of five
is a swear word. Luard Kitty also suggests for low card beer, there's
nothing better than Guinness. Very true, and we certainly made use of that
rum or maybe Eagle Rare, perhaps some hard cider. I'll drink all of
it because I like to drink, Thanks Lunard Kitty. I'm not a fan
of cider, really, I'm not. I'm hit or miss some of them.
I don't like some of them, I really like it's a little too
sweet for me. Yeah, they run the gambit. You know, they
just opened a cider bar by my house. Maybe we should go check that
out. Which or maybe if you just told me you don't like cider,
maybe we should never check that out. Maybe that's the better. I don't
have to fix that problem for yourself. It is okay if you don't like
cider. I don't know why I just decided to solve that for Jesus,
well, maybe it is a problem. I don't know what kind of awful
person am I. You know what, we'll go to half Acre and drink
beers that we both never been so I like that. There we go,
when you pass the cat important so much sighter in your gullet. Who's next?
Well, you're never gonna believe this, Dave. I probably won't.
But we've heard from King Jeremy the Wicker liar. You're right. I didn't
believe you, And this is what he right, I would say, Jeremy
roing. He's got some wedding customs. Oh sweet, So that's that's the
point we're up to. We're getting caught back in two thousand and one,
instead of rice, which we were told did kill birds. We gave out
little bottles of bubbles, and the people blew bubbles on us as we walked
out of the ceremony. So passed. Four or five weddings or however many
I've been to, have all been bubble weddings. Yeah, bubble weddings.
You you and I went to one. Yeah, we did with Kurt Monica
that our friends that and we blew bubbles. Adam, bubble weddings. Bubble
weddings, get them. Another odd custom that I did not know about until
the day of was that during the reception, if people tap on their champagne
glasses with their forks, the bride and the groom would have to kiss that.
Again, that's something that comes up, and I've seen that. I
always just thought they were like, come on, do a speech, and
they're like go if I no, oh no, yeah, when you tap
the glass, they you're you're making them kiss in front of everybody. That's
weird. It gets old now. He even says, this kind of got
annoying after fifty times, and so we slowly just ignored everyone. Yeah,
I'm just gonna scream you're not the boss of me, and then knock something
over and here's something to the tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each
other before the wedding. We did this, and if we could do it
again, we would not do it. We were both excited, nervous and
anxious and want to share as much of the experience with each other as we
could. Regrets the hardest thing to live with. Oh that's our podcast.
There's congratulations and good luck to us. Thank you well, I can I
can play this game too. Got one from James the Skeptical Oki. Hey
James, he writes, congratulations on our upcoming dual nuptials. Thanks. James
has some other fun traditions in his family. Two main traditions are alcohol,
you know, get everybody good and drunk, and then a shotgun to keep
him there, which I enjoy. Another tradition he's seen a few times is
where the wrists are bound with a ribbon or a fancy rope to signify the
unity. The binding could be a Celtic tradition. Now. When James and
his lovely wife were married, they received a pair of Korean wedding ducks.
Might Yeah, the female has a string tied around the bill. Yeah,
that's it. That's right. Exactly it's and he writes, and by the
way, Stecco, you sounded worried about your life now consisting of being told
what to do. I am embrace being told what to do. I like
to follow directions. Yeah, I get that, I understand that. Don't
worry. An interesting side effective marriages, the males tend to develop a condition
known as selective hearing. Nice. Uh, yeah, I I I just
can't wait to get married. I just want to get it. I just
want to get done, and I'm looking forward to it, excited about it.
So thank you, James, Thank you, James. Big shout out
to James's son, Hey, buddy, how's it going. I hope you're
excited for Captain America Civil War shout outs, high fives, hard dive boy.
We're hard from, is it not, which is different from Lepershan,
which we feel very bad for. Yeah, I'm sorry, Lepershan. I'll
never make that mistake. I hope you found your nose. Oh no,
the Lepershan says, recently found us via expanded perspectives, and he's enjoying it.
Uh and and mentions me losing my ship in the flat earth. Love
it? Oh and and interest of full disclosure. He says he's carried a
deep, dark bias against all things pun for most of his life. Can't
blame him and cheese. I hope it isn't grounds for expulsion from the club.
No, it's not not at all. But we have made him laugh
with the couple, so perhaps there is hope after all. A So,
with that said, he's gonna he's gonna load up. He's gonna load up
the old shotgun and tell us to pool nice. There's a small but growing
group of hyper smart individuals that have seen past NASA's lies and deceit, thank
god, and have discovered the truth that the Earth is indeed flat. Have
you heard of these people? No, they're called asoles. Yes, that's
inglorious. That's a top ten that is this guy came out of the gates
swinging hard. That is a top ten career pun right there, he says,
No, don't think I did that? Right? Oh well yeah,
not mad Nope, still a good joke. That's great, that's great.
Thank you. We've got an email here from k B who will be henceforth
known as Pandora. Oh, Pandora rights, Hey, guys, just listening
finished listening to Hendrik Kaife murder episode truly mysterious and disturbing in a number of
ways. But I can't help but equate it to a similar set of murders
here in the US, which I think that Pandora's playing catch up. I
think she's said in here she's fifty six episodes behind, so I think this
will come up later. But she mentions the Valiska Iowa Ax murders, the
bludgeoning. You know, we have the house, yeah, the murder house,
which we have talked about. I believe it's International Haunts and Pancakes.
That's it, International Haunts and Pancakes. Yes, we've got that on there.
That is in my betrothed's home state of Ia, which someday I would
like to visit and check it out for myself, So thank you very much.
But yes we do. We actually you scratch that particular itch, not
a whole episode. Yeah, just a little little in there, and uh,
you know, just a little bump, just a quick just a quick
hit to get you through the work, just a quick oh yeah, not
like a full rail. Yeah. But Pandora writes having a great time going
through the back catalog and only have fifty six more episodes to be caught up
who, she says, thanks for all the great work, especially the one
hundredth episode. Yeah, those Chrono Knots, they're squarely. I'm mentioned to
get get back to some me too. I think we should start working on
it now so it's not such a gigantic project when the time comes. Yeah,
now that our break is over, we have so much more time.
Plus, if if you look on the old Patreon yeah pledge levels, you
could subscribe and maybe get a Corona Knots episode here or there a month way
to work it in there. Thank you, Pandora, Thank you Pandora.
And finally Dave Ye heard from a friend of the podcast Amy him, why
you gotta be some mean. We don't know where that came from. We
literally made it up, Amy, because I heard it from Dave, and
Dave he claims he heard it from me. Right. She says, this
happened recently, thought she chaired. We have a medium security prison here,
and I guess there was some kind of audition for a new reality show.
I didn't get all the details, but a friend of mine who was working
with the production company said that they had all the cameras and lights set up
and we're ready to go. When they discovered that the scripts they'd brought with
them were for a Downton Abbey knockoff. Oh no, yeah, it was
a twenty sixteen miss scripted contest, scripted con test. Well play, thank
you, I'm here all week. Try the veal, which is also a
pretty good warning to everybody. We're just just over a month away. Just
a month away. We're exactly a month away, twenty sixteen, which I
think I think we should probably just start singing that on our own because we're
gonna get in trouble. Yeah, we're gonna have to gonna have to put
the kai bosh on that and figure out some way around such a great song.
But I think we could do it. Yeah, we'll figure it out.
We're very clever. But thank you Amy for writing in, and thank
all of you for writing in. Please continue to do so where you we
continue to read them. How's that for a deal? That's true, all
of it, not a word of it a lie. Yeah, go to
if you got a second here, and if you don't, make one,
Facebook like us, if you haven't. Yep, we're we're almost at eleven
Thildos eleven Hildo. I don't know. We're like eleven eleven, Hildore,
like a thousand and a half eleven Yeah, eleven, Hildo. I think,
Yeah, we're doing great. Um, we are. We are still
just we've got so much beat. I want to keep that going because don't
forget. I want to, um smugly inform my company that we have more
likes than them. It's something I've looked forward to a very very long time.
Very thank you. Thank everybody who's gone out and spread the gospel,
told their friends, told their neighbors, told the the ups. Guy.
Um, we really I appreciate that. Go to Twitter, follow us on
blurry underscore photos. Yes there's always audible trial dot com, slash blurry photos
to yourself free book, free book, and give us a high five without
even having to do anything. Yeah it's easy. That's the best part.
I'm onto the drawing of the three in the Dark Tower series. Let you
know how that goes. I did chuck, did a chuck. I finished
my book on poker. Yeah, yep, can you school me? Am
I going to get schooled? You know, all so because it's hard.
It's a book that I'm glad I listened to it because I like hearing the
guy describe it. But imagine a book where over Norway says, all right,
you have a you have a six of clubs, seven of diamonds.
The flop is three of hearts, two of spades, jack of diamonds.
Now the person playing across from you is pretending, is you know, indicating
that he's got pocket queens. Now you have, and it's like you really
have to remember all the cards in play. Yeah. And also it's spent
a lot of time describing card games that I will never play, like ohmaha
eight or better. I was like what Yeah. I was like, I
don't need any of this, but the parts that I liked, I really
liked. It was totally worth it, which is what I like about audible
dot Com. Like you get like the credit a month boom, Yeah,
you can free book. Go ahead and just listen to it. Try something
new. That's what I'm doing. Um, so that's worth it. Don't
forget once again. Punch Toby our baby shaped donate button. Um check out
Patreon we Are It's uh patreon dot com. Slash blurry photos. It's p
A t R E O N yes dot com slash blurry photos check it out.
If you want to support us, that would be great. I'm not
saying you have to, but I sure would like it if you did.
It'd be great if you could. We'll try to give it back to you
in that case. And it's a it's the best we can do as far
as is making this is even steven as possible. You know, we're not
asking for handouts. We're asking for hand ups and handouts. And always remember
the store is now open. Oh he'll get yourself a T shirt or two.
We've we've got a couple of designs on there. We've got some things
in the work, so I gonna head to it and stuff that store.
We'll just grow, get international set up and taken care of. And if
there's if there's something you'd particularly like, put it into an email. You
know, we read them all, so yeah, yeah, we that helps
us. We've got ideas, but obviously we're not going to be the ones
buying the shirts. So yeah, it's it's tough from our end because we're
like, well, we have all these ideas, like we'd love to make
this and this, but we can't like just make all the shirts. Yeah,
and then hope it works out. So we'll probably put some some polls
up, try to gauge interest in things. And maybe you guys hate shirts,
that's cool. Yeah, still be your friend. I love They'll be
there shirtless people. They'll be there for you when you when you come around.
Um. So yeah, let's see, we've got the live show of
the live show Duh April seventeenth, Doors open eight eight pm at LOL Chicago,
which is on Lincoln just south of Irving Park. It's a great neighborhood.
There's a wonderful sushi restaurant, there's the Brownstone over there's a ton of
great restaurants, the great bars. It's a fun place to hang out.
And we would love to see you eight pm on April seventeenth. Yeah,
you can get tickets through their website. Laugh. It's a laugh outloud theater.
There you go dot com Slice Chicago. We'll have all that stuff on
the on the site that you can go to and everything exactly. That really
easy for you. Uh, you know, it's it's not the biggest venue
in the world, but I think it'll be all right. I would love
it if it was a problem. And yeah, you know, and we're
actually already looking to rebook. So yeah, so you know, I think
I think I think it'll cover it. I'm excited by hook or by crook.
We will fit everybody in as good as my winness. I will break
every fire code in the city of Chicago. It'll be fine. It's not
like the city ever has fires. We don't take up a lot of space
on the stage, so it's not like we're gonna be you know, you
can come up sit next to me, great cat fancy if you sit on
my lap, it'll be great. Let me tell you a story. I'll
pretend you're a mannequin and you can do the podcast. April seventeenth, eight
pm, lol Theater, Chicago. Oh. Tickets are ten dollars. One
thing that I don't want to forget right now the penalty box. Yes,
I've been tried and convicted, both Flora and I have. This episode ran
Actually we thought this is going to go shorter than this episode ran a little
long, so I'm afraid we have to punt the penalty box. We are
not shirking justice, but sometimes the docket gets fulled and we can't get arraigned
properly. Well, when they don't feel you know, sometimes they don't confirm
one of the justices, so it's it's in gridlock. Yeah, there's any
cases that call you off Congress, Yeah, you know, you know.
Also most of Congress is rich, Flora. Congress is rich Flora. They're
rich. I'm going to kick you until they feel it right. The head
of the Climate and Science Advisory Board brought him in Snowball. I don't think
he's the head of that one. He was just an idiots trying to goad
you. So there you go. Everybody, that's blurry photos for this week.
That's all right, I'll do it for this episode of blurry Photos.
I have been Dave, not one, not two, but three British accents
Stecco and I have been David Farfide. That was the best one on the
list. Hey, Flora, Yeah, you remind me of the babe.
What babe, the babe with the pie. Let's see. Oh okay,
I know it's voice. I'm gonna do this. What well? What is
it on the first Vandyke scale? H no, no, oh okay.
Our former god ner Jesse Ventura in an old labbey down a long, long
while at the section and grave digger in the churchyard of one Governbriel grub my
body do it. The bio is just doing that with Yester the body.
Mister. He wasn't ill condued, okay, but seriously surely shorted with no
body but himself like a good marine. I saw my David crying hard as
Dave could cry. What could I do? My David's love it live my
Davey Blue nobod new what keen is? Suck is it