Hello, and welcome to Reality TV Cringe. I am one of your hosts,
the Redhead Delia, and I'm here with my real tight homegirl and my
beautiful resplendent, the lovely Beatrice. Hi everybody, how are you doing tonight?
I'm good? How are you doing? Fat cat? Whoa coming right
out the gate with some of them insults, It's really not an insult.
It's the difference between a fat poo Nanni and a skinny race day po Nanni.
I'm sure it's a matter of preference, but if it were me engaging
with a box, I'd like a little bit of plumpy stuff. Yeah,
I have some fluff down there, not just like a swipey, you know
what I mean? What so you can come for me all you want.
I'm jealous you got back yet? Okay, anyway, welcome. We are
here to talk about the Valley. The Valley. Yes, this was an
interesting episode. Before we get into it, of course, we have to
give you the warning please hide your wife and Ajikia. Yeah, this is
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Thank you for that. All right, we are getting into the Valley season
one, episode five entitled the D Words. The D word, which if
that meant dick me too, I went right to But apparently it's divorce,
divorce, which is in the air with a couple of these multiple couple yea,
which is pretty spicy. It is, I'm liking it. Dart us
off. Yeah, so we start off with Brittany at home packing because she's
going to go on a girl's trip to Nia's friends mansion and Malibuu something like
that. Oh well, she's like a miss Universe or something like that.
Yeah. I think this is somebody that maybe Nia is coaching and or a
mentor to, because that's what she does in her work. And I don't
know that it was her mansion. I think she was in town and she
was like renting it, but she had a little more tie. Yeah.
I don't, honey, like an Airbnb or something. I don't. It
doesn't matter anyway. All the girls are hidden down to Malibu. They're having
a girl's night girls. Of course, there's a lot of tension in the
group. We've got Kristen and Michelle and they're going to be seeing each other
again, and Janet's bitch ass, Jane's bitch ass is all worried about it.
God yeah, big Ol'd see you next Tuesday. But this opening with
Jackson, Brittany I thought was interesting because he's like doing the dishes. He's
bitching and moaning because he's the one, he says, who does all the
cleaning OCD. He's got kind of OCD like Sheena sheet. Oh my god,
And so he's the one who does the heavy lifting, is what he's
trying to say. And is this the part where they show some flashbacks of
him haranguing her about being hung olver for yes, because she's talking about the
girls' night and he's like, I think he's talking in his talking head or
something. He's like, I'm worried about her drinking a lot or whatever,
and then he shows the flashbacks or they show the flashbacks of him telling her
to be a mom and to be a grown up and to not be such
a drunk, which I'm like, I don't know how I feel about that.
I know how I feel, and so let's have a conversation right now
about it. This felt to me like Jax is campaigning and producing moments that
he can use against her in the future over the custody of Cruise, trying
to paint her out to be a drunk, somebody who's got a problem,
somebody who doesn't clean the house, having that shit on camera, having footage
of that that he might be able to refer back to in a later court
case. Because I feel like JACKX hates Brittany, like there's something about him
when he's trying to be so nice to her, Like at the end of
this episode, I'm like, Ooh, I don't think you like her at
all. No, not at all. I thought the same thing. I'm
like, you, I hate her. But I thought it was just so
hypocritical for him, because I mean, I haven't watched all the vander Punt
brus Okay, I don't know all of the lore, but I know enough
to know that Jack's is a piece of shit, and I know that he
drank a lot on VPR and was a total coke head age. So I'm
like, you're sitting there calling the mother of your child a drunk and that
she can't drink with her girlfriends to just let loose a little bit from her
miserable marriage to you, And you're saying that she's a bad mom for drinking
and getting drunk, And I'm like, what about you. He's been kind
of careful, don't you think in terms of this show is concerned, Like
they had a party at his house, he had a drink, I would
imagine, but he's not really showing himself going out to bars and drinking or
talking about having tequila. Really, it's more Brittany. I don't have any
doubt that he does it just as much, if not more, for sure
then Brittany. But it just feels very calculated to me in the way he's
trying to present this. And of course, now we know they're currently separated.
I don't know if they're going to get a divorce. Although I did
see Kristen on Watch What Happens Live. She was on with Tom Schwartz and
Andy asked whether they thought Brittany and Jack's were going to get back together,
whether this was temporary, and both of them said, no, they're not
going to get back together. Good Honestly, she deserves so much better Brittany.
She well, I mean she's so fucking annoying, but anyway, she
is, but I mean she's a girl. I mean, no, she's
not. But I mean she has her problems. But nobody deserves Jax Taylor,
no way. So do you really think he's like a Robin Brown master
manipulator, He's like producing himself on all of this to make sure he looks
good. I think absolutely he's manipulative. I think he's dumb like Robin Brown
is. So he's not necessarily the best at it. But he's had years
of experience, and so I think he's trying to do things behind the scenes,
and I think he's working against his wife, and I think it's actually
really fucked up and really sad. Damn. That's my opinion. I don't
know what y'all think. I mean, I believe it. And then we
have everybody kind of well not everybody. It's Brittany and I think in Janet
heading to Malibu in the car or whatever, and they're eating Cheetos and they're
talking shit, and Janet's like, yeah, I'm really worried about how it's
gonna go between Kristin and Michelle. And I'm like, sure, j and
shit up, that's a good one, sure, Janet. Yeah, No,
like she's the one that started it all. Yeah, so I'm like,
shut the f up. And then Britt's telling Janet about how he's calling
her out for being a drunk when she's not right. And I think though
while they're in the car or like shortly after Britt leaves or right before she
leaves to go to the girl's trip, Jax does tell her to have fun,
like go ahead, have fun, drink, get your drink on,
you know, just party with your friends. I want you to enjoy yourself.
So he gives her seeming permission to just have at it. Yeah and
let loose and a drink, and then we see him later in the episode,
obviously giving her a hard time about it. Yeah, we'll talk about
that when we get there. Because Brittany didn't need to do all that.
No, she didn't. Yes, it was a little much, but yeah,
I think he texted her that and she was like, I have it
him writing. She shows it to Janet and Janet's like, we can have
fun even though she's prego. Yeah, you can't do anything, gonna be
sober the whole time, right, which sounds terrible. It is to just
be the only soap that was you at Thanksgiving. It was so crazy.
But we're fun. Yeah, and we're not like trying to be mean to
people, Like we're just drunk and having faking sex jokes, asking about grand
baby, asking about your scissoring sex life in front of all my family.
Thank god, your poor nephew. He never comes up to Thanksgiving. He's
just like cheese. Oh he should. We're fun, I know anyway.
Anyway, So then everybody arrives at Nia's friends mansion. The view is amazing.
I guess I'm from how whatever, whatever, I thought it was beautiful.
I'm like, Dan, I've been around the world and I iver seen
a lot of beaches and stuff, and nobody get me. I care.
I'm just not here for the twenty million dollar house on Pacific Coast Highway in
Malibu. Any I'm okay, But I guess it's everything to these people in
Hollywood. So I hope they have a good time. We see that they
do, but do go on. Yeah, And then Kristin, I think,
is talking about how she's like all nauseous or whatever. Her and Luke
just banged the other day when she was at the massage table while the dogs
watched. Yeah, and so she's like hoping she's going to get pregnant.
She's feeling all nauseous, and so Luke's like, is it morning sickness?
Like it doesn't happen that quick. But okay, But I mean I've been
where Kristin is like really wanting to get pregnant and trying like month after month
to conceive, and ooh, it really gets in your head and you're looking
for any kind of symptom to let you know that there's something going on.
So she was excited. She was hopeful, and I actually wonder, because
of course we do go on to learn that she does get pregnant. She
ultimately, unfortunately trigger warning, does miscarrie. I think sometime last fall twenty
twenty three, but maybe right now in Malibu she could be pregnant. Maybe
Yeah. I think she takes a pregnancy test and she's like, it's negative,
and I'm like, that'll mean nothing, because when my mom was pretty
with me, she took a bunch of pregnancy tests and they were all negative.
Yeah, you were hiding out. I was in the shadow. I
was hanging out in her uterus, like, ha, bitch. Three months
later, I'm coming for you. My mom was so shocked, nineteen years
old, she's like, God, damn it, here comes bitch. Hay
Well. So after Kristen, we pan over to Michelle in her interstitial on
the couch and she's just like, oh God, I hope she's not pregnant.
We don't need the world doesn't need another one of her. This bitch.
Ma God. When she said this, literally, when she said this,
my thought was like, but you reproduced with Jesse, I know,
and he's the worst, you brought more of that in the world. Furthermore,
you're a mom for real, and you are commenting on somebody's fertility slash
pregnancy journey another woman, and it is the most like vile comment, like
you can have your opinions about Kristin and she might be crazy Kristin basket case
Kristin, but like to say something like that is so fucking over the top.
And so immediately I went to read it. Immediately I went to Instagram.
She is being dragged good for filth in both places. I went to
her Instagram and somebody called her out directly, like what the fuck? Why
would you even say something like that's horrible? And she commented back and she's
like, you're right, Oh, I've got my issues with Kristin, but
I should have never said that period. Well that's good. So she owned
it. At least she owned it for being a beal. And we do
know that she's in a relationship with Jesse Lally at this point. Yeah,
I'm during filming. She's unhappy. Looks like to me, she's cheating,
looks like she's gonna break his heart and dump him. So she's a lot
going on. So maybe in the moment, and even in these interstitials,
like she's got a lot of stress and so she's saying this kind of stuff.
But it was just terrible. Yeah, very I'm not a good love.
No. And then they all sit down to do like a sip and
paint with wine and juice or whatever. I know, I hate that.
Can't you imagine? No, I can't. I hate crap like that.
I did go to one of those painting and wine things. I mean those
are fun like classes and stuff with some friends, and I'm just like,
I don't like crafts. I don't like going places. I don't like people.
Yeah, like painting, I don't like pottery. I like booze,
I like reality TV, and I like my bed. I do like cheese,
Yeah, I do like cheese. But and that's it. That's it.
I don't need much more. I mean, it's only fun when it's
like with real, genuine people where you having a good time. But these
are all a bunch of fake ass bitches. Yeah, and they're all talking
about like setting intentions Butterfly, and I think Michelle's like, my intention is
love, right, because she's falling in love with some director at the Chateau
Marmal, which we will get to. We've got Kristen who's an EmPATH,
like being an EmPATH, like Robin Brown. It's really hard feeling so deeply,
do you know what I mean? Feeling everything inside of myself and in
the world. It's so overwhelming the amount that I feel. And the Bravo
editors doing her so durty, showing all the VPR flashbacks of her being so
crazy to watch. Oh my god, I love the clip of her falling
with her like leg out Jesus Christ hotness. Love it, Yeah, so
funny, But her intention is peace and empathy, yeah and love. And
an Nia starts crying because she's talking about her postpartum. She calls it baby
blues and like being, which is minimizing it or trying to make it seem
less than what it really is. She seems like she's really struggling coming out
to even admit that. I know. So she starts telling the table about
what she's going through, and I think on the couch. She describes it
as like this wave of depression, this wave of darkness that kind of overcomes
her and then starts to slowly dissipate, And it sounds like it happens at
various times, which is hormones. It's really the wash of hormones totally.
And she's such a sweet, wonderful person I know. And I remember after
I gave birth, I went to the doctor and I've already talked on the
pod about the shit that I went through. I lost my hair, I
was OCD, I was crazy. But I remember going to my doctor,
and I remember this was in the nineties, so I don't know if women
were talking about it back then or not, but I was embarrassed because I
felt like I was kind of going crazy. And I told her a little
bit about what was happening to me. Doctor Napolitano, Chicago, Illinois,
and she's like, I can help you with that. I can give you
medicine for that, Like this is something that's very normal and I can take
care of that. And I said no, I'm just like, no,
no, no, I don't want any pills. I don't want to be
on any medication because back then I just felt like that meant I was weak.
Yeah, I should have tooken the medication. Yeah, And I'm wondering
if Nia's on medication or if she's not wanting to be honest. Yeah,
because she's embarrassed. Yeah. I felt really bad for her because she just
is so weepy. And I mean it's only been like what like a month
or two or something like that. Yeah, so those are little it's totally
fresh, and I just felt bad for her. She's like breaking down to
this fake ass group of friends who I don't really think care too much,
Like maybe a couple of them, maybe Kristen, a couple of them maybe
care sympathic. Yeah, so hard to be in it. But but I
think Kristin cares. I think Michelle cares. I think the mother's there probably
care. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like some of
these bitches are I care, nia care too, And so does your husband
Danny, who's a king. We'll get to that lady. Yeah. So
that's it for the sipping paint whatever, it's dumb. Then we have the
guys. Yeah, at Jacks's house while all this is happening, he's holding
a barbecue. And I think it's like Jesse and Luke that bring like a
thirty pack of cors Light or something to like get drunk during the day for
a barbecue with their kids. They're ready to party. I mean, ladies
are out of town. We have the kids, yes, but like we're
going party, We're going to drink. Yeahah. And Zach shows up,
which I'm just like, one of these things is not like the other.
One of these things just doesn't belong. I'm like, Zach, you gotta
hate this. I know, like you'd rather be with the girls, that's
for sure. There's nothing wrong with that. He shows up with a snack
back, and he's like trying to act like a bro. And so they
all start, you know, dispersing and stuff. The kids going play in
their playroom by themselves. I guess the guys go out in the pool,
and this is when they start talking some shit. Right. We are starting
with Jesse, Yeah, his bidgeons, his therapy sessions with Michelle and how
that's been going. And this is where we learn though, that about a
year ago, Michelle said that she had applied for an apartment and she was
ready to dip. She was ready to b Yeah, and I guess that
freaked him out, and he's like, I want to work on it,
you know, I want to do whatever we need to do. He says
to the guys, like I gave her some space so she can kind of
figure out what she really wants. But the vibe is that it's not really
going that well, and Jesse has the feeling of that. But then was
it. Jack's says something like, and she's spending a lot of time at
Chateau Marmont with that guy. She's texting other guys as well. And Jesse,
I don't know, I can't remember how he reacts to this. I
feel like he kind of less well, he laughs and he's like, yeah,
she was over there the other night. She stayed really late, and
I'm just like, yeah, show him your tits and you know, pull
up your skirt. Because I think he wants this director as a client as
a client, but I also think he's I don't know, I think he's
suspicious, and I think that he's just putting on a brave face because he
might be suspecting that something is going on. And this is also the scene
where we have Luke say to the camera on the couch, well, I
really want to say something because I personally know a secret, but like,
now is not the time for me to say it. In the hot tub,
and then the producer when he's on the couch. It's like, well,
what's the secret and he's like, I don't know if I should say
anything, which makes me think that this is the secret that Kristin was alluding
to with the text to Michelle being like, I know some shit about you,
but I won't say it because I care about you. Well, on
watch What Happens Live this past Tuesday night, somebody asked Kristin, like,
what is the secret that Luke was ref referring to, And she's like,
just keep watching the Valley. It comes out, And of course we see
the preview for next week, and I think that's when it starts to come
out, starts to unravel a little bit, which I'm I love. Yeah,
But Jesse makes some stupid comment about like, you know, if Michelle
decides to leave or whatever, then I get to spend the next forty years
telling our daughter that it was her mom that ruined everything. Right. I'm
like, you're such an asshole, yeah, And he laughs it off as
if it's a joke, but I feel strongly that he means that. Oh
yeah. He also says that if she ever cheated on him, it would
be over de breaker, like he would never take her back. For that,
which I mean I agree with I would do the same thing with their
daughter. But the implication is that that is exactly what she's doing totally.
And as Luke is in the hot tub kind of with this weird smile on
his face like that's exactly what he wants to say, yea, but he's
not saying it. I wonder if more than just Luke and Kristen know,
like Jax probably has to know. I mean, he's suspected. Well,
Jack's on the couch talking about the director, right, And then of course
online you go up on x slash, Twitter, you go up on Reddit,
and people are trying to figure out who this director is. Somebody said
Tarantino, But it's not Tarantino, we don't think, because he lives most
of the time in Tel Aviv, Israel. Okay, Then people kind of
landed on Michael Bay. I don't know why, nor do I care to
live near Chateau Morbole. I don't know, but he was there around the
same time, and people are like fact checking time lines, looking at accounts
social media. I love the Internet, so it might be Michael Bay that
she was spending some time with. Yeah, wow, amazing, Yeah,
I love this juicy shit. Yeah. And then back at Nia's friend's mansion,
we have Brittany and Michelle talking, and this is where Michelle's kind of
opening up to Brittany about how she's not happy with Jesse, which I mean
is plainly obvious, like we know you've been saying it since episode one,
but you hate this guy and you're not attracted him at all. And she
says she's been up, she's been on how since the birth of Isabella and
she feels really alone. And then she kind of talks about their relationship during
COVID, right. So I guess during COVID, right when Isabelle was born,
they were together because they kind of had to be, and so he
was helping, he was hands on. But then as soon as everything opened
back up from COVID, he like was right back out in his business,
doing things, staying out, and she felt like deeply alone, very lonely.
So it sounded like Jesse was neglecting her because she couldn't leave her child
behind and he had to work. I guess, yeah, that's how things
happened. But she's been sad and lonely and now she's cheating on him.
And in this scene as they're talking, doesn't Brittany also kind of commiserate and
say, yeah, like things aren't so great between Jackson and I kind of
yeah, she kind of alludes to it, but then I think she gets
more into during the truth or dare right, But yeah, she kind of
does say like, I know how you feel, right, because I you
know, it's kind of how Jacks is. He's not really like around much
and I feel bad for both of them. And then Michelle, I think,
says, you know, I'm kind of going back and forth between leaving
and staying because if I stay, like we're just fighting all the time,
right, And I don't want Isabelle to see that. So maybe it'll be
better if she just sees two friends that are happy. But I'm like,
I don't think Jesse wants to be friends with you though. Yeah, Jesse
strikes me as the kind of person who would be extremely punitive if you dumped
him. He would make your life a living hell if he could, totally.
But if she got a man like Michael Bay bringing in all those coins,
yeah, and she'll be she don't care, but yeah, she will
not care. And I mean she's gorgeous, so she can get any man.
Yeah, but she's kind of got a black heart but anyway a little
bit, but maybe that's because of Jesse. She can't have a black heart
though, because she's part Persian, part Mexican. I'm sorry. She's a
good person, right, Yeah. And then we have everybody playing truth or
Dare and getting drunk except Janet of course. And I think this is where,
like Nia leaves, she gets a text from Danny like the ac is
out. It is eighty nine degrees. I'm like, we're in't that's cool?
I know you're in Texas, but like it's eighty nine degrees. Yeah,
kids are screaming can you please come home? Yeah, and she's like,
oh, guys, I gotta go. I'm really sorry. I'm just
gonna go get myself and leave. Kind of like break wow. And there's
an interstitial with Jasmine who's like he should not have called or texted and asked
her to come home because she really needs this. She's going through a lot.
She needs to be with her girls. And I kind of felt the
same way. But then when I mentioned it to you, you said,
yeah, before recording this, I was like, I don't know, maybe
it was planned, Like maybe she texted Danny on the slide, was like,
get me the fuck out of here. Yeah, I don't want to
be here anymore with these losers. And or I miss my baby. I
missed my babies. I want to be I'm sad, and so send me
a text and say I've got to come home right away. And I can
actually see that totally done before. Yeah, I've done many times. I've
texted your daughter, please get me out of here. I wouldn't want to
hang out with all those chicks. No way, tell you that right now.
No way. I'd rather be at home, in my comfort zone with
my handsome man who loves me. Yeah, I mean she so anyway,
she leaves. Then they start playing truth or dare Yes they do, And
this was kind of crazy because Brittany, yeah, just literally we learn the
story of her letting it all out with a bunch of stingrays. She's talking
about whether she poops in front of her partner and Michelle's like, abba,
absolutely not. I mean it's not like he knows I'm going into the bathroom,
but he has no idea like what's happening in there. And Brittany tells
the story of being out in a boat and swimming with stingrays and having to
poop and having no bathroom, so she just shit in the ocean and the
stingrays probably ate it. And I'm like, wow, you're saying this on
camera. Brittany embarrassed, but also she's like, yeah, Jack said,
I shit in front of each other all the time, and they do a
flashback to Jack sitting on the toilet shitting with a door open. You know,
I'm like, that's not good. If you ask me as an old
head, as a OG, I mean, you've got to preserve some of
the romance. Of course, even Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live,
He's like, you can't be doing that in front of your part But I
mean maybe there's a lot of people out there that do that and it works.
But for me and my house, we don't shoot in front of each
other. I will not fart for smile, don't fart no second of all.
If I did fart, which I wouldn't even know what that's like,
I would never do that in front of my partner. I mean, I
don't want to even hear him using the bathroom. No, and you can't
hear you really can. Oh, my god well, and he announces it,
I got well in our last platform, did you listen to you Patreon?
Yeah, our last platform. We had caught him on recordings. I
got boop. We put it at the top. But anyway, so apparently
britt stays pooping in front of Jack's yikes. Okay. Then and then she
talks about their sex life, because everybody goes around talking about their sex life.
And Brittany's like, yeah, it's been like a month and a half.
But in like last episode, you were talking about once or twice a
year, So are you lying? Has it really been a month and a
half, Like, I don't know, that could have been one of the
times out of the twice a year. Oh go. In any event,
it's not looking so great for Brittany and Jack's Yeah, they're not having a
lot of boom boom. She's pooping in front of them, right, But
what is the most I think important thing to discuss is why. And this
is where she starts to get emotional because she admits to the group and confirms
what you said, which I didn't know if it were true, because it
couldn't conceive of a world where somebody would be so mean to their partner and
put them down. But she says jacks puts her down. Does she say
specifically about her body? Yeah, she's like he does beautiful, he doesn't
make me feel sexy. He makes comments and then she starts puts me down.
Yeah, And I felt really fucking bad for her. And that's just
what she's saying. And she sang it on cameras, so you can only
imagine how much worse it is. Oh yeah, behind closed doors, when
there are no cameras. He's probably really cruel to her. I mean I
could just see it. Oh yeah, I could see him being very mean
one hundred percent and saying just really snid shit to her. And that's why
she's got this plastic surgery, you know what I mean. Like she probably
feels really fucking insecure about herself because she's like, man, my husband doesn't
think I'm hot anymore. Yeah, and what can I do? And that's
fucked up? Yes, it is when Jackson's no prize himself. Indeed,
let's be real. Yeah, I felt really bad for her, and I
think everybody was a little shocked at just how bad it is in their marriage.
Yeah, because Brittany kind of acts like it's fine, like she's always
smiling whatever. She doesn't like get I mean, I haven't seen her so
far get super emotional on the show until this moment, so I'm sure everybody
was kind of surprised, like, geez, what's going on there? Yeah,
it's not good. Nope. And so then they get drunk. They
go on to have a party. Yeah, we see some pictures and some
footed would you see a picture of I think Janet and somebody else, and
then Brittany's in the background, like passed out, kind of sleeping. So
Brittany's drinking a lot. They're having tequila, they're having a lot of liquor.
And so this is where we have a conversation about that because even though
I think Jack's is a hypocrite and he's probably drinking as much, if not
more, plus allegedly doing cocaine, uh huh, like he's probably doing drugs
as well, allegedly in my opinion, even though all of that is true,
I feel like, how much she's drinking and having the footage of like
two or three times of her being hungover and or drunk, I'm like,
oh, you might actually have an issue here. And even though Jack's might
be weaponizing. It doesn't mean it's not an issue. Yeah, And I
think she's coping. I think it's really just because she's depressed and she's in
a miserable marriage. Not saying that that's right, because you have to be
responsible. You're an adult and you have a child, like maybe don't drink
all the time like that. But I think it's really just a coping.
That's my fake psychic prediction with that. And I feel bad for her for
well. But I mean back in the day when she was on VPR,
I think she was also really into drinking, like really into tequila younger though
she was younger and they were partying, they were all kind of doing that.
I don't know. I just feel like if I were her, especially
if I'm hearing it from my piece of shit husband, who would it would
not surprise me if he tried to use it against me. I would clean
my shit up. Yeah, I would do. But I mean, at
the same time, I'm married to jack'son get me the fuck out of here.
I want to see my girls. I want to go out, I
want to party, want to have fun. I want to live my life
because when I'm home it's such a bummer exactly, and you gave me permission
on a tap you said it was okay, right, So I'm gonna get
drunk a pass out. Yeah. So the next day they're all getting ready
to leave the rental, there being being mansion and they all had fun party.
I guess Kristen left early, right, And so then I think Janet
has to take Brittany home, right, And this is where she's starting to
talk about, like how she doesn't want to deal with her pukin in the
back of the car, right because she's looking like she wants to vomit,
And Janet doesn't want to have to deal with this all the way home.
But she takes Britney home and then she lets Jackson know, like you got
to drive me home because Britney was supposed to do it. But like she's
still so drunk from the night before that she can't drive a car. Y,
Like I don't know, and I don't want to judge, because I
have certainly had my share of cocktail with my deer, Yeah, but like
I have you ever seen me fucking drunk except for Thanksgiving? And I was
like just having some wine. I was not like so fucked up that I
was out of control or like blacking out. No, I've never seen either
of you your husband know how to like even get to that point or like
I would know if I'm approaching getting so drunk, and I would stop.
And so it just makes me wonder about her because she's getting so fucked up
that she's blacking out, and like she can't drive next day and she's vomiting,
I know, on the Pacific clost Highway. Gross, Which have you
ever driven that? Yes? They have? Oh my I've gotten drive.
I wasn't driving it, but I've been on it. Yes, dude.
No, wonder she was puking because it's like literally like this the whole way
there, but like, yike's pretty not a good look. And then I
think when she gets home it's found that she was barfing into a bag.
Yeah, the whole way home. I'm like, girl, yeah, embarrassing.
If you're barfing into a bag, you might want to just evaluate your
life choices a little bit. Like you can go out and have some cocktails
and like have a great time, but like you don't have to get to
the point where like you're showing up in pictures blacked out. That's my sleeping.
I think maybe she's depressed or something, because you only get really like
that unless you're like mentally struggling or in your twenties. Oh yeah, I
guess not me though, I'm not you at all. I never I don't
drink. No, you do not, but you do smoke, So don't
come at me with that energy. But like I never drink. It's like
a literal poison. I'm like, yeah, but you smoke, you stay
smoked. I pukan, I can hold a conversation sort of, I can,
okay, fuck you all right, it's the next scene. Yeah,
we have Danny and niaka house. Yeah, very good scene. Yes,
she's crying. She's talking about her baby blues aka postpartum like she's trying to
keep depression. Yeah, that's what she's calling it. She's like, I
don't even want to admit that that's what I'm feeling because I feel like I
can just be okay, like I can just deal with it. But she's
like crying and Danny, being the king that he is, is being super
comforting, being very supportive, validating her feelings. I just love him.
I love them every scene I seen them in and just very expressly telling her
like there is nothing to be ashamed of, like that you have these issues,
are the these feelings, and like we'll just get your help and we'll
have you see a therapist too specializes in postpartum and like we'll get you what
you need and it's going to be okay. Just the best possible presence and
answers for her in the moment, like just really an example for these other
terrible men on this show of how to be a good partner to a woman,
to anybody. And I know this might be an inappropriate comment, but
while she was crying, I'm like, dang, you're so beautiful, Like
she's beautiful in every scene, so graceful, such a good person, I
feel like, and I just I felt bad that she was so heartbroken.
She's dealing with all of this. Me too. I wonder if they're going
to be on the next season because they're so normal. I know, they're
so pleasant, they're so grounded and chill, like I love them, Yeah,
me too. Yeah, So they'll probably get rid of them, probably
probably. And then we have Jackson Brittany at their house. It's after the
girls' night, she's home whatever, she's sobered up, kind of kind of
right, and they have a conversation about their Schmeck's life. Right, so
what do you think about it? Well, we start the conversation before we
even get to the schmecks. He's hitting her up about being so hungover about
there being a bag of vomit in his front driveway, like why do you
have to take it to this limit? He's like, I went out last
night. You know, I went to the bar. I had a few
drinks, but I was home by ten thirty. Yeah, you know,
I stayed up with Cruise until midnight, and that was perfectly fine. I
was not drunk. Af Like, why are you going out and doing all
of this? And she says, well, you told me this text that
I could go out and party and have fun, so that's exactly what I
did. But here you are giving me a hard time about it. And
so they kind of go back and forth about that, and they both have
valid points, but only one has an ulterior motive, and I think that's
Jack's for sure. Yeah, because I mean Jack's was saying like, you
know, I don't care if you drink and have fun or whatever, but
like you are a mom, and I was like, yeah, yeah,
but you're a dad. You're a dad. It's just give a mom.
I hate him, I know. Yeah, he's such a misogynist. It's
a critical Yes, what are you doing? You're doing lines in the bathroom.
Yes, sure's cocaine around the nostril as we speak. So don't be
lecturing Britney. Thank you seriously. Yeah, we can talk about it,
like we can talk about Brittany and opine about how she should act and what
she should do, but like Jack, shut the fuck up, in no
position to lecture your wife. And he's also saying, like in his talking
head, he's like we're in California. Just smoke a joint, Like,
okay, So the double standard like get high as a mom instead of getting
drunk, which I mean, I know there's a lot of moms that smoke
weed and whatever. That's fine, do you do you? But I just
think it's like, yeah, apples oranges, yes. And then they get
into the sex life yes stuff, because she's like it's been a month and
a half and he's like it's been that long. Geez, Well maybe he's
surprised because he's having sex with somebody else. That's when they get too Yeah,
he looks so like not interested in any of this, Like he looks
like he fucking hates her. Yeah, he's not attracted to he's performing for
the cameras as a good husband or trying to approximate it to the best of
his ability, which he cannot do because he's a bad person. And totally.
Kristen did say on Watch What Happens Live because Andy asked whether he thought
whether she thought Kristin and or Tom thought that they were breaking up Brittany and
Jax because he cheated, and Kristen said unequivocally, unequivocally, absolutely not.
And Tom Schwartz said he did not cheat. So and I think if Jack
had cheated, Kristen would have come for his neck for sure. Really yes,
so she would have called him up. Hasn't cheated, That's what Kristen
thinks. And she's like, absolutely, has not done that. Wow.
And she's like, and if you want to know why they're separated, well
watch the show because Brittany is actually telling us that he treats her badly and
they don't have sex, and he doesn't take care of her. He makes
her feel bad about herself. So that's why they're separated. Does not concern
another woman. Wow. That's very interesting because in this conversation I was kind
of going back and forth with them, like maybe he is cheating, but
he doesn't seem like he is. It just seems like he's not interested in
having sex with her at all. He just doesn't want a banger. I
don't think he's attracted her anymore. He's over it, but she knows she
does, and she brings it up. She's like, I feel like you
are attracted to me. He's like, of course I am. She brings
up her body in specific. She's like, my body has changed since I've
had cruise, and like I'm feeling insecure about that. I need you to
like tell me I'm beautiful. Yeah. Like she gives him the roadmap on
how to make her feel better, but we all know he's not going to
use the map and he's not going to do it because he's really not interested
in working on this relationship. In fact, I think he cannot wait until
he's actually divorced so he can put himself back on that market. Oh for
sure. Even though I'm like, who would sleep with Jazz? I think
there's a lot of women who would sleep with Jacks, I think. I
mean, if I can take my feeling about it out of it, I
think he's a handsome man. I mean, I can see how somebody would
think that he's handsome. I mean I can see it. And it's Hollywood
and there's clout goblins. There's gonna be a woman that will be happy to
step in her place. And I think Brittany knows that. Yeah, but
she even tells him like, I need you to step it up and basically
beg me more. And his answer to that is I want to do butt
stuff. Yeah, he makes a joke because he doesn't want to do it
and he's not going to. No, he's going to force himself to do
it. And I think in his I don't think he's gonna do it.
I think he'll force himself to out a pity. He's like, I'll do
it just to appease you, but then it'll go back to bullshit again.
You know, it'll go back to not being fucked at all. But in
his talking head, he's like, yeah, it's just hard to like get
hard because things have been crazy lately and I'm just doing a lot man,
right, say something like when things are going down up here, then things
go down down here, Yes, saying that he can't get it up.
I guess, I guess. I mean he's in his forties, right,
Yeah, don't men kind of start to I mean, I don't know,
like women peek, yeah, and men fall down. My husband is like
a teenage boy. And I'm not just saying that trying to big up my
husband like he's like a teenage boy, even though I should uncensored. All
right, we are back from un censored. Where were we? We were
talking about the dick game. Yeah, so not necessarily, just because he's
in his early forties or mid forties doesn't mean he can't get it up.
Okay, certainly not. But maybe it's all the cocaine and all this stuff
that's true that could be breaking his dick. Yep. But they start talking
about their sex life. They want to get better with it, and Jackson's
like, yeah, you know, like we just need to spice things up,
you know, maybe and then it'll get better. He doesn't believe anymore,
and he doesn't want to do it, and he's not going to.
So I don't think he's going to start fucking her, not even for a
period of time. No, But he doesn't want to divorce her though,
because he says the D word doesn't exist to my family. She said that,
No, I thought he said that. She said that, so she
thought we're a team. We don't we don't say the word divorce or the
D word or whatever. I thought it was her. Maybe I'm him.
I don't know one of them said it. Okay. I felt like she
was driving that message and he was just agreeing with it. That's I can't
understand mentalities like that. I'm like, Okay, you'd rather be in a
miserable, awful marriage forever because you just don't want to get divorced out of
the principle Like yes, I mean she comes from an evangelical background, Christian
background, which is there's some stuff around that too. But I'm losing steam.
I can't talk anymore. Tired. Is this the last thing we have
to talk about? Oh? We do Jesse and Michelle's talk. Oh yeah,
which was pretty good. That was pretty good. We got to cover
that. Yes, we've had that talk before with somebody, with a couple
of people. Really, Yes, we're that other person that man is so
in love with you but you already know you're gone. Do you think he's
actually in love with her, yes, or I think that he is in
love with her. I think he wants to stay together. When he teared
up when she was saying she doesn't know what she wants, and he's like,
I know what I want. I want to be with you. I
felt that it felt real to me, which surprises me from him. But
I think that he really wants to keep his family together, and I think
he really wants to stay with Michelle. But she's so fucking checked out in
the eyes. She's already got a man, Honey, she got a man.
And it's not Jesse, and she's not saying it in the moment,
but I could feel that from it. It's Michael Bay. Yeah, she's
already gone. She's saying like, I don't know, I don't know if
I want to work it out, but I'll try, yeah, Which I'm
just like, geez, what kind of thing to say to somebody that you're
supposed to be like in a marriage with, Like normally if you have problems
in tears too, yeah, Like normally, if you're having problems, you're
like, Okay, let's go to a couple's therapy. If you're in a
healthy relationship. Let's go to couple's therapy. Let's figure this out because we
both want to be together. No, No, she's over it, which
I can't blame her because he's awful. And that's where I'm like, does
he actually care about her because he treats her like shit? Well, but
that's just who he is, that's his nature. He's a misogynistic prick.
He's egotistical and conceited. But she married him like that. Ye, she
got him like that and he's stayed like that. That doesn't negate the fact
that I think that he wants to keep his marriage together and he probably is
in love with her and wants to rekindle their relationship and wants her to be
sexually attracted to him, which she's not because he was so terrible to her
in the past and she has moved on. Yeah, I can't blame her.
And the thing about a woman, honeys. Let me tell you.
They will tell you what they need, they will tell you what they want.
They will tell you and tell you and tell you when they stop telling
you, and when they're actually checked out and gone, they're gone for good
and cannot get them. Bay, believe me, so many may have tried
to get this back. Bit you don't even know. So many men have
come back trying to get this back. But no, once what, I'm
gone, it's over. You've never been dumped. We've talked about this before.
You've never been dumped. You're the one that's always leaving your life,
bay bitch, that's right. So I mean, I'm just saying, if
Jesse could act more like Danny yoh, yes, oh my god, Michelle
would be sucking his dick all day every day. Maybe she's really far gone.
Well, but I mean if he had done that, because yes,
when she still wanted it, he could have saved that relationship totally by taking
a lesson or two from Danny. Yep. But he'll be single and forty,
just like Tom Schwartz too, proud yep, yep. And then we
have the preview for the next few episodes. I think Jacks is talking about
Michelle texting other men, which we love. Yes, And then there's the
hallway scene too. We've got Luke and Kristen and we've got Jesse and Michelle,
and Jesse's telling Luke like, if you're intending to share some of my
skeletons, that I don't even know about. I am going to bury you.
And I think Luke is saying something like, go take care of your
wife, like your problem in with me, honey, your problem is with
your wife and the shit this she's doing. Yes, so I think it's
about to go down. Yes, I'm kind of liking Luke just like popping
off on this group of people that he doesn't even care about. He doesn't
give a shit. Ye can't do it. Yeah, he does not care
about them. He's the tallest one there too. Yeah, and what are
you gonna do? Jesse acting like you're gonna fight? Luke looks like,
okay, all right, I guess we're gonna fight then. Yeah, she's
not scared at all. I'm kind of liking the valley as he seems scared
to learn the truth about his wife. I know, isn't that interesting because
he said in the hot tep scene, in the pool scene that he would
not forgive that that's the one thing he cannot come back from. So as
soon as that comes from Luke's mouth or Kristen's mouth, he's gonna have to
do something about it. Oh. I think it will destroy Jesse's ego because
I think he thinks he got the queen like the prize. I mean,
Michelle is beautiful, yeah, like objectively out of his league. So to
find out that she's cheating on his ass, Oh my god, it's gonna
destroy him. Yep. I can't wait to see Delicia delicious food in the
Darpster. So good. Well, any final thoughts about The Valley. Well,
at first when the season started, I was like, what's going on?
But now I'm I'm like, Okay, there's a lot going on.
There's a lot going on, and we have two divorces coming up. I'm
like, yes, not like I'm wishing for it to happen, but I'm
just like, give me the tea. We got staying raised Eden, pooh,
we got Michelle banging an unknown director. We've got so much happening.
I'm in a bag, everybody. Yes, we will be back next week
to continue our conversation about VPRM The Valley, and indeed we'll be back on
Tuesday and or Wednesday to discuss seeking Sister Wife. Yeah, Beatrice, is
there anything else that we need to say to these beautiful raccoons? Well,
if you love our podcast, I sure hope you go to your favorite podcast
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weekend and until next time, please bye bye guys. Mm hmm