This is pod Popular podcast for the People, The Great Love Debate. It's
the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a great love to
be hi again, Everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great Love Debate,
the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am here
in the very fine studios of pod Populive Podcast for the People. So uh,
I guess it on a podcast a week or two ago, and sadly
I forgot the name of the show, so I'll try and remember it by
the end of this show. Terrible, terrible breach of podcast etiquette. So
if you're listening to this episode, very nice host person, I will make
it up to you when I remember. Anyway, when I was on the
show, she asked me a question that that I do get asked every once
in a while, and I think a lot of people ask this questquestion.
But I got asked, who is a famous or celebrity couple who you think
has a great relationship? And I actually have an answer to that question.
But I also hate the question. I don't ask it, I don't like
being asked it. And the bulk of the episode is going to be about
why that is. But as much as I hate the question, I do
have an answer to that question. So let me first answer the question,
and then I'll get to and get into why I don't like the question.
I think it's not a good question. So my answer for most of the
last decade or so when I get asked that who is your what famous or
celebrity couple do you think has a great relationship? I always say Warren Beatty
and Annette Benning. And if you're twenty four listening to this, you're probably
like, who the fuck is Warren Betty in a Net Betting? Give me
a Timothy Shalomeyn, Lily Rose Dapper, somebody like that. Anyway, Warren
Beatty and net Benning. Warren Beatty was very famously a long time ladies man.
He was this legendary Hollywood lothario who pretty much dated everybody and anybody who
was beautiful or pretty much that he came in contact with back in the nineteen
sixties, seventies eighties, from Natalie Wood to Madonna. He dated, and
dating is a strong word, but he's with virtually every one of his co
stars and pretty much anyone in his celebrity celebrity sphere, folks, singers,
pop stars, bond girls, supermodels. There were older women, younger women,
newscasters, politicians, everyone and when during this you know, admittedly fantastic
run of bachelorhood, he was asked in an interview by Dick Cavitt, who
was a pretty good interviewer back in the day, and he asked what he
asked Warmbady what he thought about marriage, and Warren fairly benignly answered, I
have nothing against marriage. I never got married because I didn't know that I
could stay married. Maybe we have to begin admitting what marriage really is.
Maybe society needs to accept that we don't have to feel terribly guilty for more
than one marriage. Maybe life can be made up of a series of marriages.
I don't know what to think about marriage. I know that we have
to come to terms with the family unit itself. End quote. So that
was his way of sort of dodging the question. I have given a similar
answer in my life too, like I want to get married, but I
want to do fifty years and blah blah blah. And you know, I
said, my parents didn't seem to like it that much anything. But he
basically put himself above the fray and out of the thing that everybody else was
diving into. And he did that in his thirties, into his forties,
into his fifties, and so seems like a guy set in his ways with
only maybe a cursory glance at the possibility of happily ever after. Well then
at fifty four he meets Annette Benning, another co star. They did Bugsy
and now, as of the recording of this, they've been married for thirty
two years. Pretty much as an adult, he's been married longer than he
was as a single guy, cat and around. So he went from that
to that, from no interest to what I believe careful about that to be
happily, steadily married for decade after decade, several decades old dog new tricks.
So why do I like that one? Partly because I've been accused of
being the same. I had no interest in it, series of relationships,
girlfriends, dates, no bond girls, occasional model whatever. So if he
did it, I can do it. So there he's able to do it.
Warren did it. Warren's fine. I did that. But going back
to what I said at the beginning, I hate the question because my real
answer is I have no idea how Warren Beatty and Annette Benning's relationship really is,
or j Lo and Ben Affleck or Taylor Swift and anyone or your neighbor
or my neighbor, or your best friend or my best friend. We all
have no idea. Maybe Warren sleeps in the guest house and has done so
for twenty five years. I don't know. It's between him and his staff's
gardner. Maybe Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith had years of reasons for creating
an illusion of marital bliss before it all blew up. Just like your friends
on social media, do you love that couple? You have no idea,
none, zero. So this is what I want to take a dive on
today, the who, what, where, when, how, and most
importantly why you should raise at the very least a crooked eyebrow at that guy
and that girl. There is a happily ever after at the end of this
life and podcast episode, I promise, So after the break, we will
get into all of it. Right after this and we are back. So
why do we care so much? And why should we not care at all?
So this goes back a long time with me, And then I've thought
about this. I always had this theory about what Sex and the City was
really about, and I dove into it at length in my book. So
to save you all the trouble, I'll summarize it here. Why did women
watch that show so religiously and occasionally maniacally for a decade plus a couple of
movies? What was that about? What was that show about? I had
Candace bush Now on this podcast a couple of years ago. She created Sex
and the City. She was the writer behind Sex. She was Carrie,
and I gave her this theory and she wasn't crazy that I said it,
but she didn't deny it either, So I told her, and I'm telling
you that that show wasn't about friendship or making it in the Big City,
or Christian Lubatons or Jimmy Choos. I don't think it was even about dating.
It wasn't even about four friends trying to find love. That show was
about one woman's quest to reform a jerk, to get him to care about
her the way she cared about him, to get him to see what it
is she wanted from him. That's it, and that's why women watch Sex
and City. Meanwhile, back at Miranda's that's my Sex and the City impression,
because you all thought that if Carrie could get Big to change, you
could all get your guy to change. And you cared about this character the
way you cared about a real person, which is always the case with fiction
and rom comms and sitcoms, and Ross and Rachel and Pam and Jim and
any other imaginary couple you could sink your brain into. You wanted to see
hope in them, so you could find hope in you. And that's why
you watch your social media feeds and your friends behavior and whatever happened to them
and how are they doing? And you ask people, how did you guys
meet? And all the rest for good and bad? And trust me,
you equally or maybe even greater greaterly is that a word, look for the
bad. If it's hard for Jennifer Aniston to find lasting love, then I
must be doing okay. And I know you think that, and that's fine
to think that. And you're totally doing okay. So you shouldn't need this
validation or this affirmation from any other relationship. So if somebody asks you what
relationship you look at is perfect? Even choosing your grandparents and I have done
that with my own grandparents, even looking at them and saying they were married
or they've been married for sixty two years. Amazing. You have no idea,
you really don't. You have the illusion of what they want you to
see, or you decide what you want to see, good or bad.
But honestly, when it gets right down to it, you know a fraction
of a fraction of what there is to know about a relationship. You want
the green grass, that's great, we all do, but the grass is
rarely going to be greener no matter where you are looking to find it,
because relationships are hard, and you know that, and the people you're looking
at they know that the relationships have layers and nuance and ups and downs.
There are, without a doubt, millions and millions of happy couples all over
the world who have had relationships that work and are healthy and that last four
decades. You just have to look at those from a distance, don't get
too close, don't bring the magnifying glass up to them. You just have
to accept that it does exist and it is possible. That's it the end.
Don't bring the plane down to one thousand feet. You see things your
neighbor down the street who walks up and down and sings the praises of her
wonderful husband. He probably is wonderful. He might also be gay. Doesn't
make him any less wonderful. It just might make their wonderful relationship that you
see different in a way that ultimately has no appeal to you. Oh yeah,
I don't want that. So that woman who seemingly adores her man,
and she looks stunning and seems to have her shit together with her house and
her BMW and her three beautiful kids, Oh my god, I wish she
was my wife. She might be a psychopath when you're not looking, and
you're not looking when she's a psychopath. Not to bring up another celebrity couple,
and not to throw anybody else under the under this bus here, but
Catherine Zada Jones and Michael Douglas lovely couple been together for twenty five years.
You see them at the oscars, she's one one, he's won two,
and think, wow, they're amazing, look at that life. And then
you read somewhere in some magazine that she's struggled for years with bipolar disorder and
has been in and out of treatment for that, and Michael Douglas has battled
his own demons, and so his son, and so then you have to
think, is every day a challenge for them? And every day is not
Academy Awards day. And you think that because probably because they are normal people,
regular people just like you, which is fine for them. Take them
down off the pedestal is not a criticism of them. It just means that
you really don't have idea and you never want to criticize or judge what someone
is going through. Life is full of challenges and personal battles. But you
also can't look at the glass half full all the time. Can't look at
that side and say them, that's what I want, that's the life,
that's the relationship because you don't know, you never know. All you can
know is what you want, and most of you never spend the time to
even really focus on or fully understand that. You definitely spend time thinking about
what you don't want, for sure, a lot of long lists and mental
inventory around that. But the do want. Can't say I want what they
have because you don't know what they have. So don't point to your college
roommate's life, whether people down the streets life or that TV star or Michelle
and Barack or Blake and Gwen or anyone else that flashes across the cover of
People magazine. Their lives are almost assuredly not better. And they don't have
to be, nor are they worse. They're simply different. I know it's
human nature to look and judge and even be envious, and and a roadmap
and an example. I get it. We all do it. So even
when you say, and a lot of you say, I want what my
parents had, I know you think you know what they had, but you
don't. You really don't. You only know one of two things, what
they wanted you to see and what you want to believe, And neither's the
whole story, and rarely is it the whole truth. So you focus on
you, your green grass, what you want, what you need, and
what you can have. That's all that really matters. That's all that's going
to get you there. And anybody else you really don't know one thing.
I do know. We're on the fence, and around this time late in
a year, and as I record this, it's getting late in twenty twenty
three. People always say, are you going to do another year of great
love? Debate shows, and we've been very sporadic this year. You know,
I have to admit once a lot of the overseas cancelations happened in our
tour, and we lost shows in Singapore and Auckland and London and a lot
of places I really want to do. I admit that I have a little
bit lost my mojo, But then when I go and do a show,
I'm like, oh my god, I love doing it. I'm doing it
forever. So announcement, we are kicking off our eleventh season, eleventh season,
our tenth anniversary show. It is really our tenth anniversary show, which
starts our eleventh season through the math on that Our tenth Anniversary show is on
sale February sixth, twenty twenty four. So if you're listening to this twenty
twenty six, you missed it. If you're listening to twenty twenty three,
you got a chance to see it. Our tenth anniversary show, which will
be a big, big one. It is the Boca black Box Center for
the Arts in Boca Raton, Florida. We've probably played that venue like fire
or six times, and the South Florida shows are always a unique brand of
Insane. That will be both our tenth anniversary show and the show that will
kick off our eleventh season of live shows. So I'm excited about that.
So mojo is back. Go to Great Lovedebate dot com for tickets and info
on that. Shoot us an email Great Loved Debate at gmail dot com.
Tell us what relationship you envy and we will shoot that down on an upcoming
episode. Most importantly, like, share, follow, and please review this
podcast. Even after ten eleven years or this, your reviews mean a lot
in the podcasting ecosystem because, as always at The Great Love Debate, we
never stop making love. See next time the Great Love Debate. It's the
Great Love Debate, Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.