WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.119 This is pod Popular podcast for the People, The Great Love Debate. It's 2 00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:17.320 the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a great love to 3 00:00:17.320 --> 00:00:22.559 be hi again, Everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great Love Debate, 4 00:00:22.600 --> 00:00:26.960 the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am here 5 00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:33.240 in the very fine studios of pod Populive Podcast for the People. So uh, 6 00:00:33.439 --> 00:00:38.479 I guess it on a podcast a week or two ago, and sadly 7 00:00:38.479 --> 00:00:41.119 I forgot the name of the show, so I'll try and remember it by 8 00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:45.320 the end of this show. Terrible, terrible breach of podcast etiquette. So 9 00:00:45.439 --> 00:00:49.719 if you're listening to this episode, very nice host person, I will make 10 00:00:49.719 --> 00:00:53.799 it up to you when I remember. Anyway, when I was on the 11 00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:58.000 show, she asked me a question that that I do get asked every once 12 00:00:58.039 --> 00:01:00.240 in a while, and I think a lot of people ask this questquestion. 13 00:01:00.280 --> 00:01:06.799 But I got asked, who is a famous or celebrity couple who you think 14 00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:11.920 has a great relationship? And I actually have an answer to that question. 15 00:01:12.680 --> 00:01:18.120 But I also hate the question. I don't ask it, I don't like 16 00:01:18.239 --> 00:01:21.719 being asked it. And the bulk of the episode is going to be about 17 00:01:22.040 --> 00:01:25.560 why that is. But as much as I hate the question, I do 18 00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:27.359 have an answer to that question. So let me first answer the question, 19 00:01:29.319 --> 00:01:30.599 and then I'll get to and get into why I don't like the question. 20 00:01:30.640 --> 00:01:34.439 I think it's not a good question. So my answer for most of the 21 00:01:34.519 --> 00:01:40.480 last decade or so when I get asked that who is your what famous or 22 00:01:40.519 --> 00:01:45.519 celebrity couple do you think has a great relationship? I always say Warren Beatty 23 00:01:45.879 --> 00:01:49.599 and Annette Benning. And if you're twenty four listening to this, you're probably 24 00:01:49.640 --> 00:01:52.799 like, who the fuck is Warren Betty in a Net Betting? Give me 25 00:01:52.840 --> 00:01:57.599 a Timothy Shalomeyn, Lily Rose Dapper, somebody like that. Anyway, Warren 26 00:01:57.599 --> 00:02:06.879 Beatty and net Benning. Warren Beatty was very famously a long time ladies man. 27 00:02:07.640 --> 00:02:14.560 He was this legendary Hollywood lothario who pretty much dated everybody and anybody who 28 00:02:14.599 --> 00:02:19.240 was beautiful or pretty much that he came in contact with back in the nineteen 29 00:02:19.280 --> 00:02:23.120 sixties, seventies eighties, from Natalie Wood to Madonna. He dated, and 30 00:02:23.240 --> 00:02:29.840 dating is a strong word, but he's with virtually every one of his co 31 00:02:30.039 --> 00:02:37.000 stars and pretty much anyone in his celebrity celebrity sphere, folks, singers, 32 00:02:37.000 --> 00:02:42.560 pop stars, bond girls, supermodels. There were older women, younger women, 33 00:02:43.719 --> 00:02:51.759 newscasters, politicians, everyone and when during this you know, admittedly fantastic 34 00:02:51.960 --> 00:02:57.319 run of bachelorhood, he was asked in an interview by Dick Cavitt, who 35 00:02:57.400 --> 00:03:00.400 was a pretty good interviewer back in the day, and he asked what he 36 00:03:00.400 --> 00:03:07.039 asked Warmbady what he thought about marriage, and Warren fairly benignly answered, I 37 00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:12.479 have nothing against marriage. I never got married because I didn't know that I 38 00:03:12.520 --> 00:03:16.560 could stay married. Maybe we have to begin admitting what marriage really is. 39 00:03:16.879 --> 00:03:22.560 Maybe society needs to accept that we don't have to feel terribly guilty for more 40 00:03:22.599 --> 00:03:25.879 than one marriage. Maybe life can be made up of a series of marriages. 41 00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:29.719 I don't know what to think about marriage. I know that we have 42 00:03:29.840 --> 00:03:34.039 to come to terms with the family unit itself. End quote. So that 43 00:03:34.199 --> 00:03:37.759 was his way of sort of dodging the question. I have given a similar 44 00:03:37.800 --> 00:03:39.080 answer in my life too, like I want to get married, but I 45 00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:43.759 want to do fifty years and blah blah blah. And you know, I 46 00:03:43.879 --> 00:03:46.000 said, my parents didn't seem to like it that much anything. But he 47 00:03:46.280 --> 00:03:52.680 basically put himself above the fray and out of the thing that everybody else was 48 00:03:52.719 --> 00:03:55.599 diving into. And he did that in his thirties, into his forties, 49 00:03:55.639 --> 00:04:02.159 into his fifties, and so seems like a guy set in his ways with 50 00:04:02.280 --> 00:04:10.599 only maybe a cursory glance at the possibility of happily ever after. Well then 51 00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:16.079 at fifty four he meets Annette Benning, another co star. They did Bugsy 52 00:04:17.800 --> 00:04:21.920 and now, as of the recording of this, they've been married for thirty 53 00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:29.560 two years. Pretty much as an adult, he's been married longer than he 54 00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:33.199 was as a single guy, cat and around. So he went from that 55 00:04:33.639 --> 00:04:43.839 to that, from no interest to what I believe careful about that to be 56 00:04:44.040 --> 00:04:53.160 happily, steadily married for decade after decade, several decades old dog new tricks. 57 00:04:53.800 --> 00:04:58.199 So why do I like that one? Partly because I've been accused of 58 00:04:58.279 --> 00:05:00.199 being the same. I had no interest in it, series of relationships, 59 00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:09.360 girlfriends, dates, no bond girls, occasional model whatever. So if he 60 00:05:09.439 --> 00:05:12.920 did it, I can do it. So there he's able to do it. 61 00:05:12.959 --> 00:05:15.439 Warren did it. Warren's fine. I did that. But going back 62 00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:23.720 to what I said at the beginning, I hate the question because my real 63 00:05:23.759 --> 00:05:28.879 answer is I have no idea how Warren Beatty and Annette Benning's relationship really is, 64 00:05:30.800 --> 00:05:35.439 or j Lo and Ben Affleck or Taylor Swift and anyone or your neighbor 65 00:05:35.560 --> 00:05:39.600 or my neighbor, or your best friend or my best friend. We all 66 00:05:39.959 --> 00:05:46.480 have no idea. Maybe Warren sleeps in the guest house and has done so 67 00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:50.079 for twenty five years. I don't know. It's between him and his staff's 68 00:05:50.160 --> 00:05:58.480 gardner. Maybe Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith had years of reasons for creating 69 00:05:58.519 --> 00:06:02.000 an illusion of marital bliss before it all blew up. Just like your friends 70 00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:09.079 on social media, do you love that couple? You have no idea, 71 00:06:09.399 --> 00:06:12.360 none, zero. So this is what I want to take a dive on 72 00:06:12.399 --> 00:06:15.759 today, the who, what, where, when, how, and most 73 00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:20.600 importantly why you should raise at the very least a crooked eyebrow at that guy 74 00:06:20.639 --> 00:06:25.560 and that girl. There is a happily ever after at the end of this 75 00:06:26.519 --> 00:06:30.120 life and podcast episode, I promise, So after the break, we will 76 00:06:30.160 --> 00:06:39.000 get into all of it. Right after this and we are back. So 77 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:44.199 why do we care so much? And why should we not care at all? 78 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:47.560 So this goes back a long time with me, And then I've thought 79 00:06:47.560 --> 00:06:53.879 about this. I always had this theory about what Sex and the City was 80 00:06:53.920 --> 00:06:57.879 really about, and I dove into it at length in my book. So 81 00:06:57.959 --> 00:07:01.759 to save you all the trouble, I'll summarize it here. Why did women 82 00:07:01.879 --> 00:07:10.279 watch that show so religiously and occasionally maniacally for a decade plus a couple of 83 00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:15.199 movies? What was that about? What was that show about? I had 84 00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:19.360 Candace bush Now on this podcast a couple of years ago. She created Sex 85 00:07:19.399 --> 00:07:23.680 and the City. She was the writer behind Sex. She was Carrie, 86 00:07:23.920 --> 00:07:26.439 and I gave her this theory and she wasn't crazy that I said it, 87 00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:30.120 but she didn't deny it either, So I told her, and I'm telling 88 00:07:30.160 --> 00:07:34.800 you that that show wasn't about friendship or making it in the Big City, 89 00:07:36.040 --> 00:07:43.000 or Christian Lubatons or Jimmy Choos. I don't think it was even about dating. 90 00:07:43.240 --> 00:07:48.920 It wasn't even about four friends trying to find love. That show was 91 00:07:48.959 --> 00:07:56.720 about one woman's quest to reform a jerk, to get him to care about 92 00:07:56.720 --> 00:08:01.279 her the way she cared about him, to get him to see what it 93 00:08:01.360 --> 00:08:07.360 is she wanted from him. That's it, and that's why women watch Sex 94 00:08:07.399 --> 00:08:11.720 and City. Meanwhile, back at Miranda's that's my Sex and the City impression, 95 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:18.160 because you all thought that if Carrie could get Big to change, you 96 00:08:18.199 --> 00:08:22.000 could all get your guy to change. And you cared about this character the 97 00:08:22.040 --> 00:08:26.360 way you cared about a real person, which is always the case with fiction 98 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:31.839 and rom comms and sitcoms, and Ross and Rachel and Pam and Jim and 99 00:08:31.920 --> 00:08:37.320 any other imaginary couple you could sink your brain into. You wanted to see 100 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:43.159 hope in them, so you could find hope in you. And that's why 101 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:50.879 you watch your social media feeds and your friends behavior and whatever happened to them 102 00:08:50.960 --> 00:08:54.440 and how are they doing? And you ask people, how did you guys 103 00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:58.519 meet? And all the rest for good and bad? And trust me, 104 00:08:58.840 --> 00:09:05.519 you equally or maybe even greater greaterly is that a word, look for the 105 00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:11.399 bad. If it's hard for Jennifer Aniston to find lasting love, then I 106 00:09:11.480 --> 00:09:16.360 must be doing okay. And I know you think that, and that's fine 107 00:09:16.360 --> 00:09:20.600 to think that. And you're totally doing okay. So you shouldn't need this 108 00:09:20.720 --> 00:09:26.679 validation or this affirmation from any other relationship. So if somebody asks you what 109 00:09:26.759 --> 00:09:33.519 relationship you look at is perfect? Even choosing your grandparents and I have done 110 00:09:33.600 --> 00:09:39.559 that with my own grandparents, even looking at them and saying they were married 111 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:43.559 or they've been married for sixty two years. Amazing. You have no idea, 112 00:09:45.759 --> 00:09:50.200 you really don't. You have the illusion of what they want you to 113 00:09:50.240 --> 00:09:54.039 see, or you decide what you want to see, good or bad. 114 00:09:56.279 --> 00:09:58.919 But honestly, when it gets right down to it, you know a fraction 115 00:10:00.519 --> 00:10:03.399 of a fraction of what there is to know about a relationship. You want 116 00:10:03.399 --> 00:10:07.360 the green grass, that's great, we all do, but the grass is 117 00:10:07.480 --> 00:10:11.279 rarely going to be greener no matter where you are looking to find it, 118 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:16.559 because relationships are hard, and you know that, and the people you're looking 119 00:10:16.559 --> 00:10:22.799 at they know that the relationships have layers and nuance and ups and downs. 120 00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:30.279 There are, without a doubt, millions and millions of happy couples all over 121 00:10:30.279 --> 00:10:37.039 the world who have had relationships that work and are healthy and that last four 122 00:10:37.399 --> 00:10:43.320 decades. You just have to look at those from a distance, don't get 123 00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:50.879 too close, don't bring the magnifying glass up to them. You just have 124 00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:54.080 to accept that it does exist and it is possible. That's it the end. 125 00:10:54.559 --> 00:11:00.159 Don't bring the plane down to one thousand feet. You see things your 126 00:11:00.159 --> 00:11:03.600 neighbor down the street who walks up and down and sings the praises of her 127 00:11:03.639 --> 00:11:11.120 wonderful husband. He probably is wonderful. He might also be gay. Doesn't 128 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:16.840 make him any less wonderful. It just might make their wonderful relationship that you 129 00:11:16.919 --> 00:11:20.200 see different in a way that ultimately has no appeal to you. Oh yeah, 130 00:11:20.519 --> 00:11:26.399 I don't want that. So that woman who seemingly adores her man, 131 00:11:26.440 --> 00:11:28.240 and she looks stunning and seems to have her shit together with her house and 132 00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:31.840 her BMW and her three beautiful kids, Oh my god, I wish she 133 00:11:31.960 --> 00:11:37.279 was my wife. She might be a psychopath when you're not looking, and 134 00:11:37.320 --> 00:11:43.120 you're not looking when she's a psychopath. Not to bring up another celebrity couple, 135 00:11:43.159 --> 00:11:46.519 and not to throw anybody else under the under this bus here, but 136 00:11:46.840 --> 00:11:54.840 Catherine Zada Jones and Michael Douglas lovely couple been together for twenty five years. 137 00:11:56.279 --> 00:12:00.879 You see them at the oscars, she's one one, he's won two, 138 00:12:01.799 --> 00:12:05.919 and think, wow, they're amazing, look at that life. And then 139 00:12:05.960 --> 00:12:09.919 you read somewhere in some magazine that she's struggled for years with bipolar disorder and 140 00:12:09.960 --> 00:12:13.759 has been in and out of treatment for that, and Michael Douglas has battled 141 00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:16.559 his own demons, and so his son, and so then you have to 142 00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:20.600 think, is every day a challenge for them? And every day is not 143 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:28.080 Academy Awards day. And you think that because probably because they are normal people, 144 00:12:28.559 --> 00:12:37.159 regular people just like you, which is fine for them. Take them 145 00:12:37.200 --> 00:12:39.519 down off the pedestal is not a criticism of them. It just means that 146 00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:43.879 you really don't have idea and you never want to criticize or judge what someone 147 00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:48.200 is going through. Life is full of challenges and personal battles. But you 148 00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:52.600 also can't look at the glass half full all the time. Can't look at 149 00:12:52.639 --> 00:12:58.960 that side and say them, that's what I want, that's the life, 150 00:13:00.240 --> 00:13:07.320 that's the relationship because you don't know, you never know. All you can 151 00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:11.320 know is what you want, and most of you never spend the time to 152 00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:16.919 even really focus on or fully understand that. You definitely spend time thinking about 153 00:13:16.919 --> 00:13:22.919 what you don't want, for sure, a lot of long lists and mental 154 00:13:22.919 --> 00:13:28.799 inventory around that. But the do want. Can't say I want what they 155 00:13:28.840 --> 00:13:33.159 have because you don't know what they have. So don't point to your college 156 00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:41.000 roommate's life, whether people down the streets life or that TV star or Michelle 157 00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:45.039 and Barack or Blake and Gwen or anyone else that flashes across the cover of 158 00:13:45.039 --> 00:13:50.879 People magazine. Their lives are almost assuredly not better. And they don't have 159 00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:56.440 to be, nor are they worse. They're simply different. I know it's 160 00:13:56.559 --> 00:14:00.720 human nature to look and judge and even be envious, and and a roadmap 161 00:14:00.919 --> 00:14:05.399 and an example. I get it. We all do it. So even 162 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:07.799 when you say, and a lot of you say, I want what my 163 00:14:07.960 --> 00:14:13.840 parents had, I know you think you know what they had, but you 164 00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:18.159 don't. You really don't. You only know one of two things, what 165 00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:24.799 they wanted you to see and what you want to believe, And neither's the 166 00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:28.440 whole story, and rarely is it the whole truth. So you focus on 167 00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:35.159 you, your green grass, what you want, what you need, and 168 00:14:35.200 --> 00:14:41.679 what you can have. That's all that really matters. That's all that's going 169 00:14:41.759 --> 00:14:48.080 to get you there. And anybody else you really don't know one thing. 170 00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:50.879 I do know. We're on the fence, and around this time late in 171 00:14:50.919 --> 00:14:54.639 a year, and as I record this, it's getting late in twenty twenty 172 00:14:54.679 --> 00:14:58.639 three. People always say, are you going to do another year of great 173 00:14:58.679 --> 00:15:03.679 love? Debate shows, and we've been very sporadic this year. You know, 174 00:15:03.720 --> 00:15:09.120 I have to admit once a lot of the overseas cancelations happened in our 175 00:15:09.159 --> 00:15:13.679 tour, and we lost shows in Singapore and Auckland and London and a lot 176 00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:16.759 of places I really want to do. I admit that I have a little 177 00:15:16.799 --> 00:15:18.159 bit lost my mojo, But then when I go and do a show, 178 00:15:18.159 --> 00:15:20.799 I'm like, oh my god, I love doing it. I'm doing it 179 00:15:20.840 --> 00:15:28.720 forever. So announcement, we are kicking off our eleventh season, eleventh season, 180 00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:31.600 our tenth anniversary show. It is really our tenth anniversary show, which 181 00:15:31.679 --> 00:15:37.559 starts our eleventh season through the math on that Our tenth Anniversary show is on 182 00:15:37.960 --> 00:15:43.080 sale February sixth, twenty twenty four. So if you're listening to this twenty 183 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:46.919 twenty six, you missed it. If you're listening to twenty twenty three, 184 00:15:46.159 --> 00:15:50.600 you got a chance to see it. Our tenth anniversary show, which will 185 00:15:50.639 --> 00:15:56.240 be a big, big one. It is the Boca black Box Center for 186 00:15:56.240 --> 00:16:00.000 the Arts in Boca Raton, Florida. We've probably played that venue like fire 187 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:03.039 or six times, and the South Florida shows are always a unique brand of 188 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:07.879 Insane. That will be both our tenth anniversary show and the show that will 189 00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:14.200 kick off our eleventh season of live shows. So I'm excited about that. 190 00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:18.480 So mojo is back. Go to Great Lovedebate dot com for tickets and info 191 00:16:18.519 --> 00:16:22.559 on that. Shoot us an email Great Loved Debate at gmail dot com. 192 00:16:22.600 --> 00:16:26.720 Tell us what relationship you envy and we will shoot that down on an upcoming 193 00:16:26.799 --> 00:16:30.600 episode. Most importantly, like, share, follow, and please review this 194 00:16:30.639 --> 00:16:33.840 podcast. Even after ten eleven years or this, your reviews mean a lot 195 00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:40.919 in the podcasting ecosystem because, as always at The Great Love Debate, we 196 00:16:41.480 --> 00:16:49.639 never stop making love. See next time the Great Love Debate. It's the 197 00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:56.000 Great Love Debate, Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.