1 00:00:03,919 --> 00:00:08,080 If you didn't catch the last episode, go listen and start the story from 2 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:12,439 the beginning. To recap, I'm currently a college freshman who just rushed different 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,120 sororities. I saw some shit along the way, but I'm not thinking about 4 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:21,960 that because i just got into a top tier sorority and I'm loving the validation 5 00:00:24,039 --> 00:00:34,119 snapped. The next morning, I wake up in sorority world. I check 6 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:40,119 my phone and I see a text from my pledge mom Weird. It says, 7 00:00:40,719 --> 00:00:44,159 Hi, Babe, I hope you woke up so happy today and excited 8 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:47,640 for these amazing years ahead of you. I don't want you to get upset 9 00:00:47,719 --> 00:00:50,640 or think this is just you, but there's a few pictures on your Instagram 10 00:00:50,679 --> 00:00:54,880 that are inappropriate. Joining a sorority means that you are no longer representing just 11 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:59,159 yourself anymore, and for the sake of our image, especially with our nationals, 12 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,640 I need you to erase a few pictures. What what do you mean? 13 00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:08,079 Is my first thought. My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. 14 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:12,680 How was I already getting in trouble and why did they want me to 15 00:01:12,719 --> 00:01:19,000 take pictures down from my Instagram? And so I'm pretty fucking annoyed and taken 16 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:22,640 back by this. But I literally just got a bid yesterday, Like, 17 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:26,400 I don't want to ruin anything. I still want to be in this sorority. 18 00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:29,640 You know, Since this is an older girl telling me to take the 19 00:01:29,719 --> 00:01:34,280 picture down, and it's my pledge mom, who is the person who teaches 20 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:38,840 you the norms and rules of sorority world, I have to take these pictures 21 00:01:38,879 --> 00:01:42,040 down, and I have to be polite about it. There is power distance 22 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:47,719 between us, and so I say, oh, okay, which I understand 23 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:53,840 that like a bikini picture, and she sends me the four pictures. One 24 00:01:53,879 --> 00:02:00,200 of them was me in a body suit posing. Another one was me in 25 00:02:00,239 --> 00:02:05,120 my Victoria's Secret Halloween costume pretending I'm walking down the runway. I was wearing 26 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,439 a robe and I had a brawl underneath and you could see some cleavage. 27 00:02:07,479 --> 00:02:10,439 Another one was me and my friend in the same body suit, and the 28 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:15,319 last one was me with two of my other friends in a bathtub. You 29 00:02:15,319 --> 00:02:16,960 couldn't see anything, but it was clear that we were all in a bathtub. 30 00:02:17,319 --> 00:02:21,000 She says, thank you for understanding. It's just for the sake of 31 00:02:21,039 --> 00:02:23,319 the chapter and the image we have pulled on campus. These picks are a 32 00:02:23,439 --> 00:02:29,400 little too much to be posting on a public social media account when you're representing 33 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:36,319 us. El Oh, I know there's slut shaming me by doing this. 34 00:02:36,879 --> 00:02:39,159 If you've never heard the term slut shaming before, I'll fill you in on 35 00:02:39,199 --> 00:02:43,080 what it means. This won't be the last time I'll be using it in 36 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:47,719 the podcast. So one definition of slut shaming is exerting power or control on 37 00:02:47,759 --> 00:02:53,360 a woman's sexuality, and that's what they were doing. But fuck, I 38 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:58,560 see my bid Day's shirt on my chair next to me, and you know, 39 00:02:58,599 --> 00:03:00,800 like, I want to put on my buddy. I want to show 40 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:02,240 everyone that I'm in the sorority. I want to be in the sorority. 41 00:03:02,439 --> 00:03:06,639 So fuck it, I'm just gonna take the picture down. Like, even 42 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:08,840 if this goes against what I believe in right now, I don't care. 43 00:03:09,039 --> 00:03:13,360 I can't care right now. So I put my shirt on, put my 44 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,360 makeup on. You know, I gotta I gotta represent the chapter well. 45 00:03:15,479 --> 00:03:20,159 And I head to class wearing my bid Day shirt. And as I walk 46 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:25,759 in to that big classic lecture hall, I'm marching loud and proud representing my 47 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,759 chapter. I normally sit with these two girls who are my friends from the 48 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:36,879 dorm. But now I had sisters in that class, you know, and 49 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:42,120 so out of obligation, now I have to sit with my sisters. Sorry. 50 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:46,520 This is when I first really realized that I have these new allies, 51 00:03:46,719 --> 00:03:50,000 you know, Like just because we're wearing the same shirt with the same letters 52 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,120 on it, just because we're in the same sorority, we now sit next 53 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:58,400 to each other and share notes, and we're already making plans to study together 54 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,240 and send each other like study guides. Before this, I would have never 55 00:04:01,599 --> 00:04:05,080 talked to them. I felt like if anything happened, one of their parents 56 00:04:05,159 --> 00:04:09,199 would be a lawyer and it would be fine. Like I felt like I 57 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,800 had they're back, and I felt like they had in my back. The 58 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:17,600 whole day was pretty hectic. I'm being added to numerous group chats with different 59 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:23,160 frats. The fledge class group me that I'm in is popping off. Before 60 00:04:23,199 --> 00:04:26,240 in the dining hall, I had like three or four people to sit with. 61 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,720 Maybe I had people from my dorm who I could sit with, and 62 00:04:28,759 --> 00:04:32,160 I had my roommate and my other friend. But now I had about twenty 63 00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:35,720 more girls who I could sit with in the dining hall and who would encourage 64 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:40,959 me to sit with them, and not only girls, but guys too. 65 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:45,040 All the guys suddenly put me on this pedestal because I was in a top 66 00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:49,800 sorority and I was somehow better now. They would be like, oh, 67 00:04:49,879 --> 00:04:53,560 Lucy, Lucy, sit with us, sit here, like, oh, 68 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,920 we heard you're in blah blah blah the name of the sorority. This ship 69 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,759 was getting to me, like I told my mom, like mom, igat 70 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,040 into the prettiest sorority, you know. It was getting to my head. 71 00:05:02,399 --> 00:05:08,160 In efforts to try and get to know each other, my pledge class decided 72 00:05:08,199 --> 00:05:10,720 that we should all get ready together for the first social. This was the 73 00:05:10,759 --> 00:05:15,040 first time that I showed up to the sorority house as being part of the 74 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,639 sorority, or I guess not part of the sorority, but I was a 75 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:21,639 baby. They called us the babies because they weren't allowed to call us pledges, 76 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:25,800 but we were still pledges. And this house they called it the Pink 77 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,759 Palace. Everything was pink. It was a sorority girl's dream. It was 78 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:32,519 out of a movie. It's what you would imagine. Pink floors, pink 79 00:05:32,639 --> 00:05:39,199 chairs, pink walls, pink pink, pink walking into the house was really 80 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:45,120 really intimidating because I didn't know anyone and I wanted to make a good impression. 81 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:47,839 And I felt like the girls in my pledge class were my equals, 82 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,600 but the older girls, I felt like I couldn't approach them. I felt 83 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:57,199 like they had to approach me or we're getting ready for the social eighties themed 84 00:05:57,639 --> 00:06:00,519 scrunches were brought out of the clause. This was our first night in the 85 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:05,720 town as hot, top tier sorority girls, and he had to and represent 86 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:11,360 show the older girls that they picked the right ones, and show the guys 87 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:15,160 how hot the new pledge classes. One of the older girls already told me, 88 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:17,879 the guys are so excited to meet you guys. I was fucking hype. 89 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:23,279 I was ready to meet them too, And we're all getting freddy straightening 90 00:06:23,319 --> 00:06:28,480 each other's hair. And then comes the first of photo shoots, and I'm 91 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,360 a fucking sucker for photo shoots, if you know me, I love a 92 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:34,120 good photo shoot. At this point that I really realize that I can now 93 00:06:34,199 --> 00:06:40,240 take a picture and post it without being weird with any of these girls, 94 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,560 Like it doesn't matter if I don't even know her name. Literally, I 95 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,920 think I posted a picture with a girl. I didn't know her name, 96 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,759 but it was fine. No one questioned it because we were in the same 97 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:51,279 sorority and we were sisters. That didn't matter. I was posting pictures with 98 00:06:51,319 --> 00:06:55,759 these girls like they were my cousin. Probably had like an hour long photo 99 00:06:55,759 --> 00:06:58,120 shoot, and that's time for the social, the first social, to big 100 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,759 deal, the top frat. Of course, you know, top sororities party 101 00:07:00,759 --> 00:07:05,680 with top frats. Du rat basements. The ceilings are low, it's dark, 102 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:12,319 it's sweaty, it's humid, it's loud, it's overstimulating, but I 103 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,839 didn't care. They were giving me free champagne that each got a bottle for 104 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,759 being the new babies, and I don't know, so they can make a 105 00:07:17,759 --> 00:07:20,720 good impression on us. And before this, we actually got lectured by our 106 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:24,839 pledge moms saying, like, you know, it's your first social, but 107 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,959 you guys can't drink that much. You can't get too drunk. What do 108 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:30,959 we do? Of course, we got too drunk. Classic, But other 109 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,519 than that, I was meeting girls that I really liked. I met the 110 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:38,560 girls that smoked weed. I found out that there was a smoking weed group 111 00:07:38,639 --> 00:07:43,120 chat. I was hype I gained many friend crushes that night, and going 112 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:46,759 back to my dorm, I raved about how much I love my pledge class 113 00:07:46,759 --> 00:07:49,279 and how much I love my sorority and lau lah. The next day, 114 00:07:49,279 --> 00:07:54,199 of course, we got lectured for being too drunk, and turns out a 115 00:07:54,199 --> 00:07:58,240 lot of the sororities did this whenever we would go to our new member meetings, 116 00:07:58,279 --> 00:08:01,160 which are the meetings that teach you the norms and rules of sorority world. 117 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:05,079 This is also where we handed in all our forms, all our contract, 118 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:13,759 housing contracts, social media contract the bye laws, the blood National sam 119 00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:20,240 I don't fuck no, just all those contracts then I probably just skimmed if 120 00:08:20,319 --> 00:08:24,839 I even read them. Anyway, all the other sorority girls at different chapters 121 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,240 will be going to their new member meetings as well, and on the bus, 122 00:08:28,279 --> 00:08:31,680 a bunch of girls were telling us how in their sorority, their pledge 123 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:35,080 moms called them horrors and sluts because they drank too much at their first social. 124 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:39,360 For us, it wasn't this intense. They just sort of lectured us 125 00:08:39,399 --> 00:08:43,639 about how it's unacceptable and disrespectful. But la la la lah. So the 126 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,840 next time we had another social, my pledge class decided that we wanted to 127 00:08:46,879 --> 00:08:50,440 have a pregame for it get to know each other more, some sisterhood bonding. 128 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:56,200 And before this little pregame, we see a Facebook notification that one of 129 00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:03,399 our Pledge moms wrote on our Pledge class group page literally like a page to 130 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,840 hold space for the Pledge moms to tell us what to do. And we 131 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:11,559 saw a post saying having multiple older girls text me saying they overheard that you 132 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:18,320 guys are having a pre pregame is honestly so upsetting, disheartening, and disrespectful, 133 00:09:18,399 --> 00:09:22,039 not to mention embarrassing for us. We just finished talking to you guys, 134 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,279 not even twenty four hours ago, how a lot of you guys couldn't 135 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:28,919 handle yourselves on Tuesday, but since it was your first night, that was 136 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:33,120 your one warning. To hear you guys turn around and plan this anyway is 137 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,440 a slap in the face and tells us you don't give a shit about what 138 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:39,600 we'd spend hours talking about. I'm shutting down any idea of this pregame and 139 00:09:39,639 --> 00:09:43,279 if I hear it happens, you will start to lose social privileges. I'm 140 00:09:43,279 --> 00:09:48,919 really upset by this, guys. I just don't understand, I kid you 141 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:52,399 not. These are the type of messages that my pledge class would start to 142 00:09:52,399 --> 00:10:00,000 receive on a daily basis on the Facebook page. At the new member meetings, 143 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:05,720 there was constantly drama about anything. A huge source of drama when we 144 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:09,759 wouldn't know older girls names, when we wouldn't wave to them on campus, 145 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:13,080 if we went to a bar instead of going to the social, if we 146 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:18,320 didn't go to the socials because it was a lower to your frat, if 147 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:22,679 the younger girls had some of the drinks from the older girl bar tab at 148 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,639 formal, if someone wore a bikini top to the beach theme social because of 149 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:30,080 this, we got a message that's said, hi, ladies, I just 150 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:33,159 wanted to quickly touch upon outfits for socials. I know themes are super fun 151 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:37,799 and everyone loves dressing up for them. However, we need to be a 152 00:10:37,799 --> 00:10:41,360 little more conscious of what we are wearing when we go out. It's very 153 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:45,639 important though what we wear to socials is appropriate. Other chapters SLASH potential new 154 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,559 members often know what our themes are for the night, so when they see 155 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:52,759 you out at postgames, your outfit is a direct representation of our chapter and 156 00:10:52,879 --> 00:10:56,679 its image. So please just keep this in mind when you're picking your outfits 157 00:10:56,679 --> 00:11:00,759 from here on out. No matter what we did, there was some type 158 00:11:00,799 --> 00:11:05,840 of issue, and naturally this led to girls being singled out. And what 159 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:11,279 was drilled into our heads over and over again was you're not just representing yourself, 160 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:18,080 You're representing the entire chapter. And the main thing that they would do 161 00:11:18,279 --> 00:11:24,240 to ensure this was through snapping us. What is this you're asking. Well, 162 00:11:24,639 --> 00:11:26,279 in a lot of sororities, all the ones that I've heard of, 163 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:31,159 at least, they have a special code word that they can comment on any 164 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:35,720 picture that you post on social media if it goes against what they stand for. 165 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:41,799 This was mainly posting a picture with alcohol, posting a picture with alcohol, 166 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:46,600 wearing your letters, posting a picture in a frat basement with their letters 167 00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:52,320 in the background, and from the beginning of this episode you can conclude that 168 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:58,039 it's also pictures where your body is showing. Another example that one of our 169 00:11:58,039 --> 00:12:03,279 pledge moms gave was she once got snapped for posting a picture kissing another girl. 170 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:07,559 So basically, they could just snap you for whatever the fuck they wanted, 171 00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:11,240 as long as they didn't approve it. They said to us, if 172 00:12:11,279 --> 00:12:13,840 any of the older girls snaps you, you don't question it. You take 173 00:12:13,879 --> 00:12:18,039 it down immediately. I get them not wanting us to post pictures with alcohol 174 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:22,879 with our letters. You know. I see how it's still an organization, 175 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:26,879 But I didn't like the idea that they could just basically snap us for whatever 176 00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:30,559 they wanted. And in my head, I'm thinking, Okay, this is 177 00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:33,720 fucking weird and keep down, Like I feel like this is going to happen 178 00:12:33,759 --> 00:12:37,279 to me because I just I hate rules that don't make sense. But I'm 179 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,879 just like, okay, because my social life is thriving and I'm sitting on 180 00:12:39,879 --> 00:12:45,639 the top of roof Stay drinking with hot frat guys that all know my name. 181 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,799 Like literally, when we would go into the frat parties, they would 182 00:12:48,799 --> 00:12:50,960 be like, hey, Lucy, I've never talked to them before in my 183 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,960 life. Like I think that they were actually trained by their frat to learn 184 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:58,480 my name. This focus on reputation led to a lot of pressure to be 185 00:12:58,639 --> 00:13:03,840 the perfect sorority girl. A perfect sorority girl goes to all the parties, 186 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:07,799 charity events, she already has a date for dated and away weekend. She 187 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:13,399 looks hot but not slutty. She has good grades. She wakes up in 188 00:13:13,399 --> 00:13:16,559 the morning, makes her bed, and goes to the gym. I've never 189 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:22,519 been the type of person who called myself fat, but all the girls around 190 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:26,960 me literally models so thin. No one in the sorority was overweight in the 191 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:31,639 slightest, but everyone was now asking themselves do I look fat? And then 192 00:13:31,039 --> 00:13:35,440 I started to do it as well. Now and we would go to socials, 193 00:13:35,519 --> 00:13:37,480 there would be some there'd be kind of like competition of who is going 194 00:13:37,519 --> 00:13:41,039 to hook up with who, and if an older girl has hooked up with 195 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:45,799 a guy, then we definitely can't. And as you can imagine, this 196 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:50,399 led to a lot of drama and a lot of pressure on yourself to be 197 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:54,960 hooking up and to be hooking up with top frat guys so that when dated 198 00:13:54,159 --> 00:13:58,919 or formal would come around, we would have a guy that we could bring 199 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,840 like our first dated. I got set up, and I was embarrassed because 200 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,080 all my friends had dates, but I just wasn't hooking up with anyone at 201 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:11,960 the time. At sisterhood pregames where will chapter would get together and pregame before 202 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:16,399 the social and play fun little games like which is your favorite frat? And 203 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,279 we would sing chance before going out, and the chance would be about how 204 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:24,600 hot we are and how we suck cock. That was one of the lines. 205 00:14:24,639 --> 00:14:30,159 We would chance that we suck cock. And at the time I loved 206 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,399 it. I was the loudest one in the room singing these chants. I 207 00:14:33,399 --> 00:14:37,320 thought it was totally liberating, and I didn't think for a second that it's 208 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:43,240 heteronormative. And if someone wasn't attracted to sucking dick or men in general, 209 00:14:43,679 --> 00:14:48,080 I could imagine that that wouldn't feel like an inclusive space. Brack guys, 210 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:52,519 I had a reputation to maintain as well. It had so much pressure to 211 00:14:52,639 --> 00:14:56,720 throw a good party and make sure that we had fun and had sex with 212 00:14:56,799 --> 00:15:01,240 them so that we could then tell our friends about how cool of a frat 213 00:15:01,279 --> 00:15:05,279 they are. Sororities are prohibited from serving alcohol at Rush events and parties, 214 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,960 but frats are allowed, so this gave us. Fraternity is full rain over 215 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:13,120 the alcohol distribution throughout Greek life. You can't drink on campus due to strict 216 00:15:13,159 --> 00:15:15,879 rules, and you can't go to a bar unless you have a fake ID. 217 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,399 So as a woman in college who wants to party, it's inevitable that 218 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:22,320 at some point you'll end up at a frat party. And to make sure 219 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:26,559 that we have fun at these frat parties and hook up with them, they're 220 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:30,399 pushing alcohol down our throats. There were so many times that I was at 221 00:15:30,399 --> 00:15:33,000 a frat and they were pushing a wind bag down my throat, and if 222 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,159 I would say no, they'd be like why, Like don't you want to 223 00:15:35,159 --> 00:15:37,120 have a good time. This, of course also led to mono that year, 224 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:41,399 because I was drinking from so many bottles and wine bags. And in 225 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,320 the same way that they were under so much pressure for us to have a 226 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,679 good time, we were under so much pressure to please them and show them 227 00:15:48,679 --> 00:15:54,360 we were having a good time. I just remember walking into the frat parties 228 00:15:54,399 --> 00:15:56,480 and I would hear people say things like, let's show them how hot and 229 00:15:56,559 --> 00:16:00,639 fun we are. We have to really social with them. You can't talk 230 00:16:00,679 --> 00:16:03,320 to each other like we were there for them. And there'd be announcement on 231 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:10,000 the chapter's Facebook page seeing like don't leave the frat party at before twelve. 232 00:16:10,519 --> 00:16:14,919 It's so rude to these guys who put so much effort into this party, 233 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,200 like it was basically a rule that we had to be there till twelve because 234 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:23,240 that's when the post games would start and the frats would open up to other 235 00:16:23,279 --> 00:16:27,879 people, like not just people in that sorority. So you were kind of 236 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:33,440 forced a party with guys even if you didn't like them till twelve. They 237 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:37,679 gave us alcohol and provided us a space to party in, and as a 238 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,720 good guest, we couldn't let them down and not sleep with them. I 239 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,720 wouldn't always have sex after socials, but if I went home with a guy, 240 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,279 it would be an expectation that we would have sex. Like if I 241 00:16:47,279 --> 00:16:49,919 didn't want to have sex with him, I would one hundred percent warn him 242 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,440 before going home, being like I don't want to have sex, and then 243 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,480 most of the time he would still try. There was this one frat guy 244 00:16:56,519 --> 00:17:02,159 in specific that I loved. I love stumbling home after the social in my 245 00:17:02,559 --> 00:17:06,839 costume whatever it was that night, and having sex with him. He was 246 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,559 an older frat guy, so there was definitely a power dynamic, and during 247 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:15,640 these hookups in general, I wasn't only representing myself now, I was representing 248 00:17:15,799 --> 00:17:18,920 the sorority. One night, while we were having sex, the guy pulled 249 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:26,920 out his phone and started taking pictures of us having sex, and I realized 250 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:32,519 like I turned around and I was like delete that. What I was in 251 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:36,200 shock. I kind of froze up, and he was like, stopped being 252 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:42,680 so immature, like relax, and as a wide eyed, panicked freshman, 253 00:17:44,079 --> 00:17:47,599 I just kind of shut down. It was like, I'm not being immature, 254 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,119 but okay. I wish I would have said who the fuck do you 255 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:53,200 think you are and grabbed his phone and deleted it. But in the bubble 256 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:57,559 that I was currently living in, that was normal. After that, I 257 00:17:57,599 --> 00:18:03,680 was so so paranoid, actually, because at one of our new member meetings, 258 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:07,799 they told us don't send nudes to a frat guy. Don't let a 259 00:18:07,839 --> 00:18:11,319 frat guy take nudes of you, because it will be sent in a frat 260 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:15,559 group chat. And I was just so worried that somehow I was those nudes 261 00:18:15,559 --> 00:18:18,599 were going to end up in a frat group chat and it was going to 262 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:22,119 get back to me and I was going to get in trouble with the sorority 263 00:18:22,599 --> 00:18:26,680 for making this sorority look slutty or something. Hate that word, but you 264 00:18:26,759 --> 00:18:30,119 know what I mean. I could sit here and tell you, guys, 265 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:34,079 so many other incidents where I was disrespected as a woman in freshman year of 266 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:37,680 college, but that would that's a whole other podcast. But what you have 267 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,200 to know for this series is that it was common for me and for a 268 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:47,920 women around me to feel unsure if what just happened was okay or not after 269 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:52,200 a hookup. But I didn't yet make the connection that I was surrounded by 270 00:18:52,559 --> 00:18:55,960 rape culture. I mean, I was in a drunk binge drinking bubble and 271 00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:59,920 no one else was questioning it, so why should I? And while they're 272 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,799 a lot of negative experiences, there were also positive experiences. Now I am 273 00:19:03,839 --> 00:19:07,920 still making these friends that I genuinely love, girls that I admire. There 274 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:14,799 were numerous sisterhood events that I really enjoyed, one specifically with my clutch class, 275 00:19:14,839 --> 00:19:17,960 where we talked about trauma that we've gone through in the past, and 276 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,279 I felt like that really united us. At this time, I was getting 277 00:19:21,319 --> 00:19:25,640 that sisterhood feeling that I initially had signed up for, and that part feels 278 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:30,119 really good through this. Also, though I was no longer really hanging out 279 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,240 with my other friends, my friends that weren't in the same sorority as me, 280 00:19:33,519 --> 00:19:37,039 I think that this had the most effect on my relationship with my roommate. 281 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:41,160 But I didn't even realize that till the last few weeks of school, 282 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:47,160 this is when away weekend was where frat gye asks you to go to his 283 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:51,319 away weekend with him as his date and rat runts the house and as a 284 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:56,720 date, you bring the alcohol and arguably you bring the pussy that was oftentimes 285 00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:03,079 expected to bring the vigene along. For a while, I was dressed because 286 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,920 I wasn't invited to in a Way weekend yet, and two of my best 287 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:11,319 friends in the sorority were invited to the same top tier frats away weekend. 288 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,200 Also, not to mention, the frat that my sorority always hangs out with, 289 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,599 and that's of course also the way weekend that I want to go to 290 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,359 because I don't want to be left out. But I wasn't hooking up with 291 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,519 a guy in that frat at the time, so I wasn't invited yet. 292 00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:29,960 My roommate wanted me to go with her or two in a Way weekend to 293 00:20:30,079 --> 00:20:33,920 this middle tier frat, and since I don't have a date to the top 294 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:40,039 frat one, I gave her like a wishy washy maybe answer, and then 295 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,799 boom, I get invited to the top friends date event and I get set 296 00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:47,440 up with a guy and we hook up and he asks me to be his 297 00:20:47,559 --> 00:20:51,720 date for a way weekend. Perfect. Hell yeah, it's all good now, 298 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:56,240 except it isn't. I'm in the library with my sorority sisters and my 299 00:20:56,359 --> 00:21:03,400 roommate and I are having passive aggressive text convo I don't remember exactly what we 300 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:07,720 were saying, but but it was about away weekend and it wasn't a thing 301 00:21:07,759 --> 00:21:11,279 for us to get into passive aggressive text convos like we got along well. 302 00:21:11,559 --> 00:21:17,279 My sorority friend insists it's because she's jealous, and I don't know is she 303 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:22,000 like? Why is she so upset that I'm going to this away weekend and 304 00:21:22,079 --> 00:21:26,920 not the one with her? I go back to my dorm and I walk 305 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:30,640 into my dorm room and my roommate is on the bed crying, and she 306 00:21:30,759 --> 00:21:34,599 hands me a letter. The letter talks about how she feels that we've grown 307 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:40,400 apart, we don't really hang out anymore, and she feels excluded and lame 308 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:44,640 when my sorority friends come around. We were going to different post games, 309 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:49,319 different away weekends, and it was because we were in different tiers and I 310 00:21:49,519 --> 00:21:53,920 wasn't really making an effort to go to the same post games or away weekends 311 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:59,359 in fear of missing out and then being excluded myself. And I reassure her 312 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:03,079 about how much I love her and how I genuinely didn't know that she felt 313 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:07,279 that way, and how I'm going to do everything to make sure she feels 314 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,160 differently from now on. And I feel like, in a way, I 315 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:15,119 chose to be oblivious to it, because what was I going to do? 316 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,200 Stop going to top to your post games and away weekends. No, my 317 00:22:18,279 --> 00:22:22,279 whole sorority is there. So reassure her and hug and help her cry it 318 00:22:22,279 --> 00:22:26,039 out is all I do. In terms of my social life and my mindset, 319 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,279 I'm off to you away weekend, and in terms of next semester, 320 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,319 I'm about to go live in the sorority house. Like if I've refused to 321 00:22:32,319 --> 00:22:34,039 live in the house, I would have had to pay a thousand, five 322 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,319 hundred dollars of a fine, and all the older girls make it seem like 323 00:22:37,839 --> 00:22:41,759 living in the subrity house, you get so close to your sisters, and 324 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,680 that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to get so close to my 325 00:22:44,759 --> 00:22:48,920 sisters at away weekend and at the sorority house next semester. But I didn't 326 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:53,240 know was that in just a few months that sorority bubble I was living in 327 00:22:53,519 --> 00:23:04,000 would be popped by my sisters themselves. Snapped. Thank you so much for 328 00:23:04,079 --> 00:23:07,119 listening to this episode. For all the updates, and to be part of 329 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:12,960 the conversation. You can follow Snapped on Instagram and TikTok at Snapped. The 330 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,480 podcast Snapped as an independent podcast with no network support, so in order to 331 00:23:18,519 --> 00:23:23,880 get the word out, I need you and your sisters to spread this ship. 332 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:30,240 Please please please share Snapped with your friends and family. Take someone's phone 333 00:23:30,759 --> 00:23:36,599 and subscribe to Snapped on their phone and be subscribed Snapped on your phone first 334 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:41,720 of all, and rate and review because it helps Snapped in the podcast directories 335 00:23:42,039 --> 00:23:45,200 and we got to make those charts, honey, top tier. Am I 336 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,920 right? I'll see you next episode.