Well, hey, everybody, and welcome to Fast and Curious, no limit
speed dating. I hope y'all are ready to find your true love tonight.
I wish I could, but I'm a sponsor. I'm not gonna participate,
So don't any y'all even ask I am not allowed to participate. Okay,
that's okay. So everybody get at you stations and get ready because the timer's
about to start. All right, everybody and Fast and Curious. Hi.
Stay, oh, Hi, my name is Bashan. Oh, my name
is Sarah. It's nice to meet you, Bashar Sarah. I will be
very interested in learning your true name, your essential selves name, my essentials.
Well, the only name I was born with was was Sarah. I
don't understand a name given to you by people who never experienced your essence,
who never saw you frolic amongst the cosmic lines. Are you talking about my
parents? My parents were very kind to me. I don't understand. Yes,
yes, I've heard that many times. No, and for the sake
of ease and brevity, I will refer to you as Sarah for the time
being. Okay. I would love to spend a weekend with you, just
sitting in lukewarm water, experiencing the wilderness within, and then when we emerge
on the other side to learn your essential name. I am Bashaw. I
was born into this world Kenny Strickland. My mother will no longer speak to
me. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't think that I would like someone
whose mother doesn't speak to them anymore. I value family a lot, and
that's the energy that's drawing me to you. You see, I'm an inclusivist
and that means that, Well, it's nice to meet you. I guess
that's it. It's all right, we'll see you later. Good luck,
you know, I must day. Okay, hello? Where? Well?
Well, what's so this? And I you you're well, you're you're just
putting all the cards on the table there love names, Jeff talking mongoose.
Pleasure to meet you, small but mighty. I bet you've no idea,
but you will honestly love goodness. Yeah, you will. You smell like
strawberries. It's Beth and body works. I love the story, whatever,
show, whatever, bird. Okay. What matters is that you know I
hear in this moment and it's I mean, keen sense of smell, keen
sense of everything else. Oh, that's what you get when you get Jeff
to talking mongoose. Okay, okay, well, Jeff, let let me
ask you. Do you have it? Is that a tale that I see?
Oh? It certainly is. It's a bright bushy tail helps balance me
when I'm moving with extreme agility. I could fight a cobra if you were
ever harassed, but a cobra or a douche bag I would end them.
Just take my paw, Please take my I don't think we're supposed to touch
Kim. You're gonna have to reach the shot up. I don't think we're
supposed Oh there's there's the bill. I guess all right, Well, I'll
be looking for you later then. Okay, good good luck, quick quick
kiss. Okay, maybe not right. I want to get rebies. It's
just the way I find this goodness. Um, well, hello, hello,
going, good, good evening. Hi. My name is Sarah.
I am sort ain't gonna see her. It's good to make your acquaintance,
and welcome to this evening of speed dating, or as we say, at
the acciend of dating giante. He does not translate directly. Sorry, I
just had high school spash. Listen. Um, you sound nice It's been
a really hard night so far, so I have a burbserve this evening.
It has been fraught with many perils some of these gentlemen, and they do
not understand how to treat a lady. That's true. And take for example,
my friend. Don't look, you know how to treat a lady.
Oh okay, yes, yes, such a specimen of manhood rights a black
steed through the night like a true man. Is my friend. We spend
many times together, and don't look, I don't he sounds very nice,
So please, but I speak of myself. Tell me of you. Oh
well, you know, I'm just I'm an accountant. I do you know?
Number stuff by day? So you're you're a sergeant? Does I mean
you're in the military. I protect the hacienda. I mean between the two
of this root bitward, most of the work is done. But don't look.
It protects the people in a manner are both indirect and very cerebral.
He is he uses his mind as a weapon. Me I just have the
Scotless and the musket and the n iPhone. Oh my well, that that
sounds like very dangerous work for you and your friend there, Well, I
mean for me I am a figurehead. I am the embodiment of the rule
of law. But it is don't look in the shadows. It is it
is he who works upon the hearts and minds of the people. Is don't
look who is the true measure of a man in the house. And let's
try to salvage some of this. Tell me what what book do you?
What's your favorite book? Well, I mean I I write a journal daily
is Multiple Adventures of my friend. Okay, what noise is? This?
Is this the time already? Believe that's the times up? Okay, yeah,
it's not very I mean just worrying a connection for me. Okay,
don't look my journaling. And just last night I most accepted and I tried
to be like, don't look and understand the ways of the people. Yeah,
have fun there, and I guess I'll go to another bar. God,
why can't I just find a good goatman? Holiness is hereditary. I
didn't make it, didn't even make sense. It's so will be because it's
the perfect opposite of that. Unless you like grew up in one of those
really weird distant families and you're like, no, that makes sense. I
get it. I oh man. I obviously I've never tried speed dating.
I have a girlfriend. I don't need to to try it. Make you
a real dick if you did. He's right, right, Uh, and
you've never tried it, right Nope, internet dating, yes, speed dating
new. Yeah, it's it's interesting. I just to me, it seems
like it's all about looks. That's right. Poor Sergeant Garcia, he just
mad. He didn't have enough looks to carry. It's too bad. That's
too bad. But welcome to blurry photos. Where are your dates for the
next amount of time determined by editing later? Correct? I am date number
one David Flora, and I am the ever available David Stecco wink. That's
right. Only one of us can make all your dreams come true, and
that one's taken. Oh, welcome the most self deprecating podcast this side of
the real brand. But even there, it looks worth is blow Blurry photography
is, however, is the most self deprecating. Anyways, Hey, everybody,
I hope you're doing well. We we're gonna take you through a speed
dating round of man history. That's right, of the High Seas, the
High Seas, the Caribbean, oh or Caribbean queen, nod the only person.
I mean, I'm not not true. Lots of people say Caribbean,
but it's only because he did that, because Caribbean is easier to say,
yeah, yeah, Pirates of the Caribbean, and I think he has to
say Caribbean queen because it fits the cadence, because Caribbean queen. Next week
on the podcast, Billy Ocean explains his bullsh from the eighties The working Man's
linel Ritchie, that's that's exactly who Billy Ocean. He sure was. We
get down to brass tacks and ask Billy Ocean just why he doesn't want us
in his dreams and what's in his car? That's right? Well, I
mean I think we did in the last episode. I think we explained exactly
why true, it's true. Our next episode on Haunted Cars will put paid
to this whole thing. Everything will be answered, and then we'll do a
history episode about who was Queen of the Caribbean. I'll tell you who was
King of the Caribbean for a while. Though. Oh I love that.
That was a fucking masterful seg Now to drop the name Blackbeard. That's right.
I hope you like pirates. Now, I hope you are appreciating,
as a listener the extraordinary amount of self control because we're I mean, we're
in excess of a minute and a half into this podcast, and we have
nary exhibited even the slightest amount of pirate vernacular. That's right, that's right.
We burned it all in that one intro. Yeah, we did.
But yeah, I bet it'll pop up somewhere. I mean, this guy
epitomizes that whole thought of the English pirate. Yeah, the true a vast
yea. Yeah, like land Lubbin. This is who who when you think
a pirate, this guy is gonna pop up there. Maybe if he doesn't
come up at first, he'll he'll be waiting on the edge of your mind.
There's like three pirates and he's two of them. That's a fact.
Blackbeard. We're Yeah, we're gonna focus in a little bit and talk about
who exactly he was. Who who's the man behind the legend? Pretty pretty
interesting, I think, to know, to know a little bit more in
depth instead of just taking what you hear, yeah from from your old television
shows. And I think there's a there's a a base I don't know,
like a common understanding of a pirate and of which Blackbeard is the the the
apex. He's he's the perfect example of a pirate, and it's it's just
raw violence, and you know, he keeps his crew in check with a
taste of the whip, and he runs around. He you know, takes
no presidents. He sinks the ships, he gets the booty and he buries
it somewhere. And Blackbeard is such a great, brilliant counterpoint to these things
that he is one of the most, if not the most famous historical pirates,
but his actual exploits are amazing. In the manner in which he operated
couldn't be further from the general understanding of it. Yeah, as we will
get into as we talk about the real story behind the legend. To give
you an overview, Blackbeard obviously one of the most famous pirates in history.
He's a legend whose exploits are as infamous as his supposed appearance. He's characterized
as being a king among pirates, bloodthirsty, successful, fearsome, on the
mythical in nature. I'm one of the most striking aspects of the legend was
his appearance. Yeah, a huge, imposing man with a menacing black Beard.
Wouldn't it have just sucked if it was like, you know, he
never had a beard, true Star just wore a big scarf and everyone was
like, yeah, I thought it was a beard from a distance. That'd
be great. That'd piss me off. Yeah, it'd be it'd be maddening,
but it'd be yeah, pretty funny. It'll be one of those facts
that everyone knows. H did you know that black Beard never actually had a
beard? And also, um, it's very interesting, Alanis Mori said,
never used the word ironic correctly in the song ironic. Um, isn't that
interesting? Where's my chicory? He had weapons galore, swords, guns,
all that stuff. I wore a wide, tall hat, dark sad eyes,
and had burning bits of rope in his hair, circling his head with
eerie, hellish smoke. That is what you what's your picture when you picture
Blackbeard these days? I picture him with kind eyes. I picture him holding
kittens instead of cutlasses. He's like Hagrid of the high Seas. And coincidentally,
he did employ a hippogrph in his journey. You're a peg boy,
Harry, You're a bosun Harry, he commanded the Caribbean and Southeastern American seaboard,
aboard his legendary and imposing ship, The Queen and Revenge. Before his
demise, it said he buried untold treasure somewhere, oh k Island. Oh
maybe. Oh so that that's what you get from, you know, your
black Beard sources. Colloquially, that's what you're gonna Findio gaul early. Yeah,
Yeah, that's assassin's creed, which we'll get to. Oh we are
good, because that's all that's your that's your Baileywick. I don't know.
So let's let's dive into his early life. Now, say, Flora,
you were looking to look this guy up in the phone book? Which you
look look this guy up in the phone book? Would you look under Bee
for black or be for Beard or neither? I would look for neither,
because this war is a mystery and a half. Whoa in his early life,
including the name. Now, he wasn't born black Beard Jones or you
know whatever. The dog was named black Beard. I love of all the
fing movie jokes. The amount of distance we're getting out of that one.
So I loved bad dudes. Um No, it's generally thought that he went
by one of a few possible names, Edward Teach, h Edward Thatch,
Edward Tack, or well Fast, Eddie of Batigliano. What is true,
inaccurate, is that his name was Eddie in some form or another. He
wasn't Edward. They have a lot of spellings, a large number of spellings
of that, either Teach or Thatch or something they're in um. Drummond has
also been thrown out there as a as a last name, but that's there's
no real evidence of that being is that's where mister Drummond got all of his
money from different strokes, Yeah, exactly, he was a giant booby.
Couldn't have been making the money elsewhere he found it sitting on top of his
family's piracy estate. In fact, there's little to no evidence for any of
those names, save for some accounts and anecdotes later on in his infamacy in
Famasya mphasis. So pirates like to go by different names, obviously to protect
their their family name. Yep, So that makes sense. If you're a
career criminal, you're on the run from the from the Majesty and the Crown,
don't don't use your name. Step that's like, that's a pirating one.
On one. Yeah, don't use your real name. Yeah, if
your name's Ronnie Dirt napp right. But if your name is Danny Giblets,
just use your own name. Just use your real name. Danny, be
a man for once in your damned life. He's going to go up the
river so fast, Danny, what did you do? It's been theorized and
generally accepted that he was born in Bristol, England, near the turn of
the eighteenth century. That's a sixteen eighty they're guessing. Yeah, I guess
the record keeping just wasn't that great. No, it wasn't. So we
don't have anything solid to go on in terms of birthdate age of him.
It's just all kind of guesses. He was two hundred years old, He
may have been two hundred. He may have been no less than six hundred
years old. So after he was done fighting the Egyptians, yeah, and
surviving the flood. He was a Phoenician man wrote a dinosaur before he learned
how to sale. They had a bumper sticker on Queen Answer Revenge that says,
my other drop my other boat as Applesia saurd I break for raptors.
And again nothing, nothing is solid about his name, his whereabouts, where
he's from, any of that stuff. Given the salt pork, not even
his stools were solid. I mean sorry, that's just what happens when you
were pirates, right, yeah, diuretic, They never tell you. Um
sorry, that was just the gross poop joke, and I kind of apologize.
That's like, but we need to fill our quota, So seventy five
percent apology. You don't even have to accept it. At the fifty percent
rate. We know that that the man existed, there's no doubt about that.
It's not he's not a legend in that regard, right that he was
never there. He was for real, dog, We just don't know him
where he came from. He just kind of came onto the scene. But
it's said that he learned seafaring from being a privateer in the Caribbean during Queen
Anne's War that lasted, you know, seventeen o two to seventeen thirteen.
And just to remind you, privateering is is just um I guess from depending
on which country you hail from. But it's legal piracy, yeah it is.
It is where you get a commission from the crown to go out and
steal other ships and cargo. Um, your job is something bad guys.
Yeah, you're you're it's it's it's economic warfare functionally. Your your job is
not to go out there and blow things up. Your job is to steal
materials and and and money and ship disrupt cargo. Yeah, yeah, you're
You're there to disrupt supply lines. And the way it works is because you're
not a regular part of say the Queen's Navy. You you you get what
you keep, Sure you like the job is getting done in that you are
just you're you're disrupting your enemy supply lines, and you keep what you get.
It's it's a standard pyramid scheme operation. Um. But yeah, whatever,
whatever you you kill, you keep. Yeah. Uh. And and
therefore you are illegal pirate, right, which is to say that there's all
the countries except for one after you, as opposed to regular piracy where they're
all after you. A little bit about the Queen Anne's War. It's I
think I read it. It was the second um kind of the second set
of wars in the French and Indian War. Uh, it's it's it's British
against French and Spanish. The Spanish were trying to that's not really narrowing it
down. Yeah, the Spanish, we're trying to buck up a lot of
England's Shuh. France wanted to help them, of course, because you know
England, that's what that's what they are. Um. So this was just
the the American side of it. This was what was going on in the
Americas. I mean, honestly, seven even our own revolution was a proxy
war sure for for France anyway. Yep. After the Treaty of Utrecht was
signed in seventeen thirteen, the privateers didn't really have much to do because they
were no longer able to legally plunder ships. So many of them turned to
piracy. It's all they knew how to do, right, Like, Oh,
so you're you're saying, you're you're no longer supporting us because because we've
just been doing this anyway, So we're just gonna keep doing this then.
So that's that's what a lot of them, uh did, including Edward Teach.
He joined the crew of Captain Benjamin Hornigold in seventeen sixteen, who was
based in New Providence in the Bahamas. Big Ben Horny Gold, Big Ben
Horny New Providence, um was a sort of like a pirate haven. It
was. It was like an outback steakhouse of the Caribbean. There were no
rules, just right. Can you say that in a shitty Australian accent.
No, well, yes, I guess I can do it shilly, but
no rules, just right. Nice New Providence, West Indies. So New
Providence had no law. That's that's the bottom line, like most of the
Yeah, yeah, most of the West Indies, which, by the way,
if if anyone I don't know doesn't know that West Indies is the Caribbean.
Yeah yeah, around the Bahamas there, yeah, the outer banks there.
Hornigal captured a sloop named Range. John by what John captured? The
sloop John be like a bad joke? Moving on? Is this another song
that I get the It's no, it's the damn Beach Boys, the Sloop
John b That one that one missed me. Wow, oh man, Peyton
Bob is gonna tear you a new one. And I'm gonna sit there laughing
as I watched the new one get torn. Wow. Wow. Uh No.
He captured a sloop named Ranger and outfitted it with thirty guns, which
meant he had little problem controlling the waters of the region, because thirty guns
is pretty formidable at the time. Keep in mind this is uh you know,
in the area of seven the year seventeen hundred, thirty was the highest
number. There was no concept of a number in excess of thirty, so
he had literally achieved the apex of military dominance in the region. You also
think about sloops. Sloops are are small ships, not then not then thirty
feet long the maximum length anything. This ship was literally the grandest thing conceivable.
Guess how many crew he could fit on there, seventy three. Because
of the Bible, there was some weird anachronistic math that said that that was
like thirty people and thirty it was the largest number. But really a sloop
sloop is a two masted ship. It's really real maneuverable. Pirates liked it.
It was very fast, yep, hit and run. Usually easy to
procure one nautical drive by machine. Usually you would get a between ten and
twenty guns on a on a sloop, on a good sloop. He bumped
that up to thirty. And your dog and I heard you like guns on
your sloop. We put guns in your guns. Your guns have guns,
dog, your guns shoot guns, right, don't get hit by one of
those, you get shot again. Twice guns. Uh. Yeah, they
didn't call him double guns. They called him twice guns. That's yeah.
Yeah, well that's old timey talk. It was normal for them, yep.
Uh. Anyways, the ranger um Teach Edward Teach proved himself a worthy
seaman, and after Hornigal got the ranger, he gave for applause by the
way, he gave his original all sloop to Teach. Oh yeah, very
very nice. And the two of them went on a spree, capturing boat
after boat and obtaining the cargo. Therein a lot of flour, a lot
of wine. Yep, thirty pounds of each, no more, no less.
They got around that by putting those pounds into kegs. Yeah. So
then they got thirty kegs of each. There you go, and then hogsheads,
it's right, then bushels, then pecks. September of seventeen seventeen,
the thirtieth month of the year, the gentleman pirate stead Bonnet showed up in
Nassau. Hello, boys, I believe that's that's exactly how he That is
an incredibly accurate portrayal of stead Bonnet. The gentleman pirate had no idea what
he was doing. Basically as a pirate, he's a gentleman. Well that's
that's a thing he was like. He was a landowner and then one and
then tried his hand at piracy, had a ship built as opposed to getting
one, and hired people who knew what they were doing on the sea,
which meant the crew had no respect for him. Pardon me, and gentleman,
if you wouldn't mind, made me take your crew and cargo. No
will mell meta, show you on your business, a good day. Tell
your friends the gentleman pirate. Excuse me, first, mate, what should
we do? Shall we ram them? Or fire cylinder guns? So,
gentleman pirate, he's wounded. He's been pirrating and sort of successfully. Some
n shows up a nasaw, somebody kick him in, and he showed up
with a possibly mutinous crew. This is these are people who do not respect
him at all. Right, So he shows up. He gives Teach control
of his twelve gun sloop called the Revenge. It's revenge against mummy. She
never let me have pudding. Take that mummy. I would never eat my
meat, so I could never have my pudding. And I swore Sunday I
should have a boat, bit mummy, and it'll make you ever so vexed
to the seas, my friends. So at that point Hornigold and Teach and
I guess some other pirate captain had had a three ship flotilla, and they
plundered at least four more ships in the following months with these November seventeen seventeen,
Hornigold retired. And when I say retired, I mean the crew didn't
much like how he was running things. Oh, so cut his losses.
Yep, And no, he wasn't dead, but is a kid. He's
tendons and Teach now with a growing beard and a growing understanding of theatrics as
a strategy, Teach, my boy, beard's coming in quite nice. Another
three months or so you but if your own command quite proud of you,
that's that's it. Don't forget to punch the children. You're pirate, after
all, they expected another sex months with that beard growing, or promotion to
rear admiral. Good question. Consider putting perhaps in your own beard and blot
it fuse bit of rope, maybe something more thank on it teriffying smoke.
How does come to me in a dream. Ironically, even though portions of
your head are literally on fire, I'll only remember the beard Delavan from natives
and call you something of I believe the Hagrid. Where were we? Well?
Uh, Teach now has the revenge, and Teach doesn't own the revenge.
He's just running it for the candy Ass's sitting downstairs whittling right, and
Horn of Gold is out of the scene now, So it's Teach on the
revenge in another sloop and they set their sights on a French slaver called Le
Concorde. It was easily more than three times the size of the Revenge,
but Teach had superior strategy, having both sloops maneuver and fire across the deck
of Le Concord, killing crewman on there but not damaging the ship. Pretty
smart, now, that not only smart, but very accurate. Yeah,
that's a that's a very narrow window to fire at the French captain surrendered and
Teach took command. Also may have taken a bit of gold dust on board,
and possibly a diamond ring that he cut off the captain's finger. All
maybe so some stories, that's a French for my finger. Oh Dua's finger.
Sweet, sweet, sweet, that's what you say when you're out on
the ocean. That's right, Well, you know it's polyglott. You don't
know what you gotta say. It's sweet, cover is it? Giving the
French crew of the concord the French crew of the concord, he gave them
the smaller sloop, and Teach took the concord, upgraded it with anywhere between
thirty two and forty guns. Same possible. It's another year, dude,
they learned, Oh my god, well that's the march of science. So
they were able to get to forty. Yeah, which, honestly, I'll
bet you how many guys looking through a telescope, they're like, well,
series closing on us, I count five thirty captain, Captain, I've counted
thirty guns, but their more guns. Well count again, I have,
sir, I've counted three times. There's there's thirty and then ten. So
he upgraded it with more guns and renamed her the Queen Anne's Revenge. With
this modified frigate, he easily controlled the sea and ransacked several more vessels after
that. Now, let's back this up to a very important point that we're
going to come back around to what did he do with the crew of a
look concord. He gave them the smaller sloop and set them free. What
he let him go? That is not your typical pirate behavior. Say yes,
as we all know, blah blah blah, thanks press have mass haive
as anybody want to repeat uh. Later accounts of survivors described him as tall
and spare, wearing a very black beard. Authored Charles Johnson described him as
wearing pistols in bandoliers across his chest, and the way he described it was
three brace which I don't know. I don't know if that means three belts
or what. But some accounts say he wore four strapped around his chest.
Four four pistols. Yeah, I even think I may have come across that
he had six at one point. But he had a bunch of flint lock
pistols again one shot, so he's basically just got at least four shots going.
His hair braided and tied with colorful ribbons, and he had several slow
burning fuses coming from under his hat. Seventeen eighteen, the Sloop Adventure was
added to the flotilla by invitation, and six more vessels were plundered on way
to Charleston, South Carolina. So he's working his way up the coast.
And it's important to point out here that he's also and it's it's kind of
you're reading between the lines of history. But keep in mind how he's building
this flotilla. He established a reputation for knowing what he's doing. And so
Lord dandy Pants is like, well, hey, will you please run my
boat for me? And then he goes out. There's the captain that he
learned from. Couldn't keep his own crew right, but he's able to kind
of keep things in check. He goes out, he spares this crew,
gives them his old boat. Yeah, don't need it anymore. And now
he's he's adding to people, he's he's not this this mindless um savage that's
just out for gold and murder. Like he's of a sort a statesman.
He's he's building a consensus. He's building a group based not only on his
ability, his success, but he's talking people into joining like he's using a
negotiation. He's using uh, parlay, He's using parlay. Look a motherfucker,
he is he parlay. So odd bitches be screaming, but I mean,
that's an important point though, Like, this is not this is not
This is not an idiot with with a billion gun strap to him, right.
This is a guy who's very smart about what he's doing and is also
able to to use diplomacy of a sort to get what he needs. Yeah,
and what he needs he's money, apparently, and more fuses those,
even a slow burning ones. I mean it's an expense, yeah, but
you know what, if you're working in the play, you got a boy
makeup, if you're going to be Blackbeard, You're going to spend money on
fuses, that's right. And the next stop to get fuses was Charleston.
Oh, apparently the non marauding aspect of his piracy may have not been what
some of his crew signed on for. He was getting a little perturbed by
some of his crew, so there's a thought that he devised a pretty crazy
scheme to get out of the situation, to get rid of the crew he
didn't care for. Day twenty six. I love the crew, but I'm
not in love with the crew, and I'm just trying to decide if it's
just a good point to walk away. Also, Bird took my slow burning
fuse and it was like a really good one. What's up with that?
It's like, am I going to develop a phobia of birds? Monday's right?
Black Beard? Be Beard? Be Beard? So what he does?
He blockades the port of Charleston and captures a boat that had some wealthy citizens
trying to get out of there, and he ransoms them, holds some hostage
for medicine, right, not for money or cannonballs. Medicine or a monkey
that will live on his shoulder, or parrots, or a mystical compass that
will show him where the ultimate treasure is. He basically gives Charleston a time
frame with which to give him this medicine or he starts executing the mother can
last one of you be cool, honeybunny in this timeframe? This timeframe passes,
and he's basically ready to string these people up, right, And this
is hilarious. This is kind of a bluff called yeah, but it's also
kind of a comedy of errors. It's kind of like this farcical thing.
Yeah. So he's got to decide if he's gonna really because to this point
he has not he has not executed a prisoner. He's not he's not harmed
anyone that he's captured. So he's at least making the moves to execute these
people or hang them or whatever he's gonna do. Uh. And then he
gets word that, oh, medicine's on the way, just just a few
delays. We'll have the medicine to you soon. Yeah, So he gives
them two more days. Yeah, he's reasonable. Yeah, he's like,
all right, fine, I see what's going on. Two days are up.
No, no medicine. Goes through the motions again, and then all
of a sudden, the boat comes out with the guy he sent to get
the medicine, and it's like, look, we would have gotten this medicine
to you sooner, but you're stupid. Fucking crewmen were off drinking and carousing
and we couldn't get things done with them being total ass hats. That's a
boiled down version of it. But hey, I'll have two beers. I'm
part of the pirate crew. It's yeah, we got the sole one horsetown
block caded supposed to get medicine or something. No, no, it's two
beers. I ordered two beers. Yeah, thank you, thank you.
Yeah, how about a hooker y'all got y'all get hookers. Hey, y'all
gonna get a hook a round here. So anyways, he gets he gets
the medicine, and then they piece out. After that, he's selled that
he wins that nothing bad ever happens again. Yeah, he selled. He
selled to heaven and it's like the end of that grease. His boat's just
lift off. Then they just fly off into the clouds and the hoods inexplicably
plexic glass. Now yeah, how dumb h He sells north to Beaufort Inlet,
which is in the outer Banks in North Carolina, and they all get
just up off medicine. They're like, whoa third basic first day sick jokes
on that? Ye, give me another one of the Napolio vaccines. Whoo
they had those. He intends to repair Queen andrew revenge by careening it up
there. Careening is when you take a boat on high tide. You take
it into the bank the shoals and basically beach beach it, and then the
tide goes out, You do your repairs what you need to, and then
when the tide comes back in you you're off. You're off on your married
way. Well, apparently the ship ran aground, little too much mustard on
the pickle. Yeah, and apparently which is which isn't a phrase? By
the way, it is now snapped the mainmasts did I do that? And
the Adventure the little sloop. The Adventure also ran aground. Now, some
people say this is part of his plan to get rid of his crew members
that were a little too rowdy for him. So he did this on purpose
because he's had some years. Yeah, not his first rodeo. Yeah,
on the Old Sea, and this is an area that he has been plying
regularly. There's no surprises in this part of the sea for him. So
after all this, after the boats get run around, they have heard that
there are royal pardons to be given out to pirates who, I guess basically
confess and and say, you know, we've we've been pirating. We're sorry,
we'll stop. And then they you get a royal pardon. You got
to go to the governor, you know, governor pardons you. But he
wasn't sure if this was a trap or not. So he says, hey,
stead Bonnet, who is just basically accompanying him at this point, you
know, because he can't do anything else. He says, hey, stead,
Bonnet, why don't you go get yourself one of them parts, get
a fancy old part, tell me how it feels. Pardon from the king,
And he did so to see if Bonnet was just going to get hanged
or not. Bonnet does this, he's none the wiser, goes and gets
pardoned and everything works out. Then he returns to collect the sloop the Revenge,
but finds it stripped of all its wares and crew. Black Beard had
could trust all of these pirates, dumbast He'd run off with his all of
his favorite crewmen basically, and Bonnet apparently wanted to take revenge on him after
that and looked for him and looked for him and never could find him.
Um well, he didn't even get his revenge off of him. Pirate burn
And apparently Bonnett started pirrating again and got caught and hanged for it. So
lociento stead Bonnet. Black Beard did go and receive a royal pardon from the
North Carolina Governor Charles Eden, and he found a home in a village called
Bath. And apparently I read one account that said, according to Admiralty doc
comments, he married a girl from the region as well. Oh, that's
lovely. Yeah. It seemed like he was gonna settle down and stop his
pirrating and be an honest man. And Charles Eden and Blackbeard worked together kind
of under the table, kind of you know, shady government. Ask black
Beard plundered and which which got rid of pirates in the area, which was
a plus for the governor, and shared the booty with the governor so that
he could have booty, and you know it was that's what we all want.
You scratch my bag, sweet sweet boot At this time, Blackbeard met
the pirate Charles Vane. You bet you think this song is about you,
don't you don't you? You might be thinking, well, what's old Horny
gold doing? Oh yeah, yeah, wow. Well he had turned pirate
hunter, switch sides. He was now hunting pirates. Well, I don't
like them. Chase Charles Vane into Blackbeard's area, and Charles Vane hung out
with black Beard. Also, Calico Jack Rackham came along and that's a great
name and parted with him, Old Calico Jack. And word of these guys
hanging out together got to the Virginia Governor, Alexander Spotswood, who thought very
poorly of North Carolina and pirates in general, and he planned an illegal invasion
of North Carolina. It was originally they originally it was called the Virginians.
It wasn't Virginias for lovers, Virginias for mega maniacal pirate hunters. Right,
yeah, harder on tourism. Yeah, I think it was around the eighteen
hundreds when they changed. Does it rull up? Doesn't fit on a T
shirt? Blackbeard had started anchoring in Ocracoke Island. What what what? What
in North Carolina mean? Gene Oak Island Land, Ocracoke Island. In November
of seventeen eighteen, two sloops under the command of Lieutenant Robert Maynard sailed into
the inlet, cornering Blackbeard's two sloops that he had, and a fierce battle
ensued. Blackbeard's ship and Maynard's ship either slammed into each other or got close
enough for Blackbeard's crew to board Maynard's ship, and, seeing only a handful
of crew and Maynards standing there, Blackbeard was encouraged until Maynard shouted an order
and a large contention of midden hidden below deck rushed out, surprising the pirates.
It is a trap could be used an admiral and a battle raged.
Black Beard and Maynard's square it off against each other. They pulled out pistols
and they shot at each other, and they drew swords and charged, and
Blackbeard snapped Maynard's sword in twain what and went for a koa grab, but
was cut in the neck from behind by one of Maynard's crew. He was
then attacked by the rest of the crew and killed m He was beheaded,
and the body was tossed overboard, and it said that it swam around the
ship three times before sinking. I believe that that is a history of Blackbeard.
Now some of the myths that go along with him. We are here
for your listening pleasier for I love myths, some of the one of them,
you know, one of those dumb myths. His hair was on fire,
No it was, it was slow burning fuse. But he did apparently
employed this theatrical tactic. Yeah, very cool, very fun. Yeah he
was. He did a good job of he I mean, like he understood
the craft of like the idea of who he was versus who he actually was,
and he got his He got more done that way. Yeah, he
didn't have to do as much work because people were terrified on him exactly,
and he could he could capture an entire ship just based on his looks as
opposed to having to kill people or ruin the ship or the cargo, which
is so tiles. Some Please, we've all seen it done before. You
should find something interesting, like maybe put some hopes in your hand, lights
him on fire. But then scarce the children and tell us out like mommy,
give this man all the boats pots, And since the mommy says,
yeah, I'm listening to you because I've never seen this happened before, and
sin, then he's famous. That's exactly how it works. It just blacked
out what just happened? How about how about the buried treasure that Blackbeard supposedly
left. They all left behind buried treasure, didn't they, every single one
of them? Thanks Robert Louis Stevenson, Yes, son of a bit.
Yeah, it really us with that. Yeah, here's the deal. Probably
not any buried treasure from Blackbeard. As the cargo that he plundered was fenced.
He would get it and then he would sell it, sell it off
to get the money for it. Yeah. Keeping in mind, um,
take for example, the French frigate that he captured. He outfitted that thing
with guns not cheap, hard to come by, but he did it.
He had to invent new math ten extra guns what um. You know,
so like piracy is is also expensive. He has to pay his you know.
Like so there's this this belief that like, oh I took a chest
off the ship, I'll just put it below decks and and I'll just sit
there. It's it's it's a tough business. Yeah, yeah, it ain't
no game dog. Although it is said that he told someone once, only
the devil and I know the whereabouts of my treasure, and the one of
us who lives longest should take it all. Yeah, so you know,
I mean, you know, who knows what that could be. Maybe it
was peace, it was all it said. Oh again, a lot of
mileage out of that song. How about how about him swimming after death,
swimming around the ship three times? Totally true? Totally true? Or you
know what. The scientific explanation is that in that part of the country there
are manatees. His body fell upon the manatee, the manatee got confused and
just did three laps, right, or he had eaten a whole bunch of
like alka Seltzer, and so his you know, he's just kind of like,
you know, that could happen too. His pre battle ritual was just
ingesting boxes of Alca siltzon. It's right, it's right, is PEPs Back
then it was called um uh pirate Seltzer, pirate PEPs um. Yeah,
I mean, I'm sure. I mean, people are gonna make up he's
oh yeah, that's a boogeyman legend. Maynard did report that the body had
twenty sword cuts and five gunshot wounds, though, so well, they pounced
on him after they killed him, and everyone wants to be the guy who
killed black Beard, so they're all gonna do their thing. Although you know,
it's it is entirely possible. He took a lot of damage before he
finally fell. But again, you know, you never know legends. How
about the success that he had as a pirate. Everybody thinks, man,
it's Blackbeard. He's he's just raping and pillaging the whole see there, right,
I mean, he was he was a businessman. He was a good
at it, he was he was successful. Yeah, but he was nowhere
near the likes of Henry Avery or Black Bart Roberts, who plundered tons of
ships. Uh. And then for avery, he just he hit one that
was just worth a ton. Yeah. And and black Beard just never he
did a lot. He in in, he captured and plundered, but it
was never like set for life kind of stuff. Right. Yeah, he
was a he was a workingman's pirate. Yeah. Yeah, he paid the
bills with his stuff. But but poor ye I never saved up unless he
did so. He was successful, but he was not anywhere near the most
successful pirate, uh, the most famous pirate, I would I would agree
with that. I would say black Beard is up there. Um his blood
thirstiness, as we've said before before his last stand there on the Maynard ship.
It's unclear if he even killed one person. Yeah, in his in
his career, which is completely I think it's the most interesting aspect of this.
Yeah, he was, he played a smarter game and was successful at
it. Yeah, he didn't have to and knew that it was probably better
that he didn't. Yeah. He created this this mythological character that people were
afraid of, and when they saw him bearing down were more likely to believe
the stories and and just you know, give it up or or after a
very brief exchange, and you got to wonder if he had some kind of
personal code too, where it's like, you know, not so much mercy
as like, well this is this is business. Yeah, and I think
there's no need to kill. I'd be willing to bet that's part of the
friction he had with his crew. Yeah, exactly. Um. There are
stories of unexplained light at sea that are some called sometimes called teaches light as
he searches his head around the sea. Hold on, just give me a
second here, let me just go down the menu here. I don't I
don't need any I don't want a great laugh, great leaveser. That's burning
cheese, that looks good. I was like, no, I don't even
have want a hero right now. Aliens could be I guess could be.
Yeah, he was empowered by aliens. The aliens will continue searching for his
head. That's right, that's right, that's all they want. Well,
it was said he keep probing acids until they find it. Shove it up
your r um. He searches for his head so that his friends and the
devil will recognize him. That's that's very kind of him. Anyway, That
dear friend is Blackbeard in a nutshell, rounded by smoke and uh, lots
of black hairs and horse and some rum. That's right, little medicine.
Interesting fellow, Yeah aho AHOI bos in flora? Oh three three points off
the starboard deck, Oh, bearing in on us? Wait wait, let
me let me do my bows and whistle. Uh pounds a high. Boy.
You just you really didn't sound like your heart was in it. I'm
in it. You're right, you're right. Ahi. Three points off to
starboard deck, pass and flora. I see it barren down on us herd
pounds a high. There you go. That's that's what she deserved. Good.
We got puns. We got some puns, that's right. Who wants
to start? You do? Okay, so you won't steal it from me?
I have I have a pub, oh yeah, exclusively serving stouts,
uh huh and maybe maybe some dark loggers in there. Um amber stuff.
But that's the lightest they get. It's it's mostly mostly stouts. Black beard
with an apostrophe, yes, apostrophe d Yeah, all right, got one?
I going for you, you know. Um. In the years before
he decided that piracy was something that was worth pursuing, Stead used his family's
money to pursue more intellectual pursuits. And he tried, although no one was
really interested, tried to get a dance program going in the West Indies.
It was the stead Ballet. They danced and no one cared. Do you
think when the French people wanted to rile them up they would call them instead
money? All right, I've got an interesting place. It's it's it's a
place that's just dedicated to um vaccinations. Immunizations, that's that's perfect. People
eat those and this is an one stop shop. You can go and get
your shots there. But that's all they do. Oh, that's all they
do. And um it's run. It was it was run by a bunch
of French people, but now it's just run by some dirty, dirty people
that have missing teeth and like rum, yeah, it's called Queen Anne's Syringe.
Oh nice. You know, if you're if you're out to see and
I am, you know, you get a little chest cold or something like
that, and here you can't even you can't even bark orders to your crew
because you're coughing too much. You know, maybe you need Queen Anne's laws.
Ange. Yeah, we got real close close enough to board each other.
I had my my crew hidden below deck. That's right, yeah you
did. And the battle cry as they stormed up the gang plane. All
right, here we go. H. First of all, welcome to blurry
photos. Uh, new writers, fun time listeners. Don't Achille and Timon
They are Canadians, which instantly makes me love them. And um, Achille
is one of those hot Canadian ladies I've been so interested in meeting. Well
there you go, m H. Time and I assume you to be a
hot Canadian gentleman. But I'm afraid Achilles at the top of the list.
Sorry Timon, m H. And they've got just a ton of cool Canadian
lore and interesting stuff about mystery lights and aircraft and uh, some amazing information
about some sky phenomena in Canada. Um, the cool thing about the broken
arrow, the bomb that we accidentally dropped in British Columbia. Whoops a daisy.
Um, just really cool stuff. But you know what they've also delivered,
what a rich slathering of the freshest pun poutine that Canada has ever handed
us. Give me that gravy. You're gonna get it. Kurds and gravy.
And now a reading from the Book of Achillean Timon. I love this
book. I hope I'm saying Achille write, I think I am. I
don't know. I hope there was included phonetic information for time in which I
appreciate. We hope we say every every work. Yeah, no, shit,
I can't go back in the penalty box. I won't go back in.
He made me do things you haven't been in the new one, dude.
Oh man, the new one. You don't know the stinch of the
new box. Oh wait a minute, they built a better mass trap,
they did. Okay, back to puns reading the Dark Knight Satellite. Let
us to the Dark Knight Satellite episode. Let us to wonder if you've seen
the Hubble satellite images of Mars. They're They're in exceptional detail. The moons
of Mars. Phobos and Demos are another story name for two sons of Mars,
Fear and Dread. They're very fast moving. This makes them difficult to
photograph. They're thought to be captured asteroids, but it's difficult to find good
images of them if you have to settle for lower image quality images of blurry
phobos. Oh you, that's her name. I learned about them from Doom.
I've played those games, but I don't read any of the tech.
I'm like, where's the thing I shoot at? That's what I do.
Yeah, happened. I mean, I make those games dumber. That's how
I do. Um. Oh, here's a couple of pounds. Now,
I mean, Flora, You're welcome to get in the car, but these
pounds are just for me. Oh okay, I'll just sit in the back
trying out to puke. Uh, try harder, okay. Oh k Island.
There's a little known but promising excavation that stalled when had uncovered a layer
of sand. When the heavy equipment was brought in, However, the notoriously
difficult geology the island resulted into collapse of other sides of the new pit and
the loss of some of the equipment. No one was hurt, but the
crane they were using was buried almost completely. Giving up, the group left
the site the way it was Today, the remains of the site have become
a useful landmark for surveyors and anyone else trying to find their way around the
island. It's known as Crane sand Hill. Oh, I love it.
That was good. That a lot it is for you. I kind of
like all this is written. It's also it's kind of written like a stand
up routine. So Illuminati gets here about this. It's really hard to get
your hand. It's really hard to get your hands. And the names and
the lesser families. Well, when I stumbled onto something, whatever the weird
things are going you get them. I can't do that forever. Sorry,
I can't do that and read. I can barely just read. Then I
stumbled onto something wherever weird things are going on, you get debunkers truth,
and they're obviously working for the Illuminati, since they'd only trust their own.
But you wouldn't necessarily get the Getties or Rothchild's doing this sort of thing.
I found reference to a debunker who had distinctive sunglasses or tinted glasses pink or
red in color, who wrote a number of articles and other material on the
subject. The guy's age your appearance is less agreed upon, although leading us
to suspect that this is multiple individuals acting under the same name. Clever Girl.
The first name is Samuel, which may have a connection to the last
of the Hebrew judges and the first prophets who annointed the first two kings of
Israel. Saul and David who pack a lunch. We are going on a
trip here. That can't just be a coincidence. The last name seems to
be a smokescreen though a hyphenation of common family names. And in this book
the guy who tried to make himself seem less elite by abbreviating his first name
to sam Oh. The book is the final word on the Illuminati and other
invertebrate foolishness by Sam Hilcrane. You're just gonna keep hitting the midsection on that
that that fin sand Hill Crane body blow. You know. Time had also
heard that Sam Hilcrane wrote a blurb for the upcoming book by David Ike Reptiles
Reptiles Reptiles. But if ast will deny everything insistent was a misidentification? Who
is he? Did? They want to know? Is there any truth to
the rumors that Diggie Toots is planning to collaborate with Rasputin's protege, the well
known hot Wicken burning rhymes. Maybe you know we got uh get some plans
for real Diggy Toots and that's right, and uh, last, but most
certainly not least, did you know about there's a type of wee folk,
known mostly to annoy tourists by selling them handmade arts and crafts of miscellaneous junk.
Oh they see they know you've seen this. You heard about this.
Yeah, that's in there. They wrote it in. They seem to be
seely folks, sometimes spotted at small kiosks and your busy harbors especially, and
sometimes these she sidh she sells seashells by the seashore. Wow. Oh boom,
that was for you, Flora. Oh yeah, that hit you right
in the pun. Stop stop many things and apologies and uh I like that.
They're they're sign off here uh time and an achille your guru's canadensis,
which is hilarious because the genus and species of the sandhill crane is a gross
canadensis. Oh deep research. Wow, that was thorough, very thorough.
Thank you for the reading. Yes, thank you Canadians, our lovely neighbors
to the north. Beautiful. Yes. After applying dropcloths to the floor and
using three M blue non stick adhesive tape to tape off any corners you don't
want to be coated, you're almost ready for Peyton Bob. Peyton bob.
Peyton Peyton bob always a pleasure, sir, How the hell are you?
You spend a lot of time listening to our podcast, and I love that.
There's one of the most endearing things that could happen. Yeah, it's
amazing. Peyton Bob hits us up with this. He was out in the
scorching sun all day, thirty feet up in the air. Two things he
learned. One he's no longer the lean, mean ladder monkey machine that he
once was, no more scrabbling up and down. Two blurry photos carried him
through this. We paddled you across the river, sticks of coat dry and
repeat, legs to carry. And I'll tell you what. If there's a
if there's a lethal dose of our podcast, you're getting close to it.
Because he's Peyton Bob listened to seven episodes in a day. If I had
to listen to myself for over seven hours, which I do, but I
just tuned myself out wolf you. Thank you, Bob, because you're a
tough son of a bitch. You're doing the lion's share. Yeah, you're
doing the lord's work. Soon, you're doing the lord's work. Thanks Bob.
Up next, uh, first email from a listener, C. F.
Gunderson, Oh, yeah, CF Gunderson. Is that is that Carol
Francis or or um Charlie Franklin. It's tough to know what the CF in
CF Gunderson. Anyway, Old CF Gunderson hits us with a dream story.
When I was a kid, I used to have a reaccurring nightmare that Freddy
Krueger hit under my bed and would give me drugs at night by inserting long
needles through my mattress. It was terrifying. Jesus boie doy, that is
dark and elaborate. Wow. Yeah, didn't he kill somebody kind of that
way? Yeah? Because she had the like the little mouths on her arm
and he had needlehand. Oh wow, I remember that. Yeah. Can
you imagine, like there are ghost stories that we have almost read for one
of our ghost story episodes that he's like somebody laying under the bed and sticking
a knife through the mattress or whatever. Oh man, Yeah, crazy,
Yeah, that's sorry CF. Yeah, geez, I hope to hear more
from CF Gunderson. That's Charlie Foxtrot Gunderson for all your Underson needs. Do
you think that's CF stands for Flora? We all probably corn flakes Oh good,
call corn flakes, Gunderson. Moving on and now for the result.
Is the third week of the thing with the resulting results that have resulted from
the tabulation of yours of your resulting votes, votes, vaults, voltage,
voltaic vaulting, Oh, resistors and that sounds like, Yeah, let's recap
Week three. Yes, miscrypted contest twenty fourteen, twenty fourteen. The year
is twenty fourteen. The contest is miscrypted. The contestants for week three were
the Manticore, the Incan Yambo, and the New Orleans Grunge. Y'all you
have to say, y'all grunch y'all, Yeah, it's like the Canadian a
for Orleans. We'll also accept me okay, and uh and and I'm impartial
to CA. Yeah, well I like that one. All right? The
winner? Wait, wait, I have to you know what you even knew,
You even knew I was gonna stop you. If I hadn't said anything,
you would have just trailed off, son of a bitch. You got
my number, David Flora. Okay, the guess. The guess is take
us through the decision like like they do really awkwardly on all those quiz shows
that people do really awkwardly yeah on TV boy. Uh, let's see in
our first up, I'm bad at recapping, but we got the manticora body
of a red lion, face of a human um alternatively ended scorpion tale either
with the standard telson which is the name of the stinger on a scorpion tale.
Look at that week, or a little tuft of razor barbs that it
can whip at your face yep, because it hates your face. Or we
have the uh, the New Orleans Grunch, which is uh, friend and
cousin and perhaps political ally of the chupicabra. Correct sounds like a New Orleans
chupicabra. Let's just boil that down, all right. Uh. And the
third one was the Incan yamba, which is a South African water viper or
giant snake of sorts. Please your sore that flies maybe yeah, exactly,
a flying please or just a really great photoshop. Wait it controls thunder and
lightning and flies and it's a pleasia thor and oh nice. Uh okay,
So let me break down my process here. The name New Orleans Grunch tons
of fun, sure, but I feel like it's a rebranding. I feel
like it's a rebranding. It's it's it's the it's the Chipacabra trying to like
shake off its country roots. It's it's the the Chupacabra scream egg. Yes,
Chupacabra presents Cadbury Scream Egg. You there is. Honestly, every time
we do candy chat, which we don't do. We have our friends do,
right. But when I watched the video footage of of Port and Tabitha
and Betty, I see Tabitha trying to eat all those Cadbury scream eggs,
and I feel bad every single time. It was one of the saddest things
I've ever seen in my life, which I mean which means I'm probably leaving
a pretty good life just to watch. Somebody also saves fasting in Eddie Hoodley
Ding Dangs now as your grunch uh? And then the Incan Yamba was the
say it again the Pleasa thor Um. I feel like the grunch is a
rebranding. Okay, I'm kind of like, mm hmmm, seems this one
seems a little made up. That is a great thing to say uh in
Yamba. It could it could have come from amble Baby Baby, don't make
a dimble baby, Oh baby, get you man. We I really should
have counted that because we said it too much, too much. Uh inc
and yamba cool fun name. This is a giant snake in or ever or
a population thereof manticore classic and uh and uh simultaneously being completely absurd, but
uses kind of a fun little piece of like uh, mimicry. Oh,
we'll put a human face on it. Someone will try to high five in
the tall grass and then it'll get alternatively telson, stung or faced yeah,
barbed faced to death and then eaten entirely up, which I think argue is
more for the poison, because it's like doesn't want to eat its own barbs.
It's like eating your own toe nails. It's a good point. Yeah,
point is, here's here's my good if you can digest your pumas,
though true, it's not the puma. Actually, you know, panthers don't
even exist. Yeah, I didn't know that till recently. Panthers don't exist.
There's no such thing as a paint type of what leopard or something?
Yeah, yeah, there's just just another coloration or whatever. People. Yeah,
weird. Sorry, Florida hockey fans and Carolina football fans. Yeah,
yeah, sorry, jungle Book, Yeah, pooh tough. Everyone's taking a
hit on this podcast. Keep apologizing. I think that it's the Manticor.
I think Manticor is our winner. Interesting, Okay, yeah, that's what
I think. So because I've had my finger so far off the pulse,
I've had my finger up the nose of public opinion. Yeah, you're straying
from from the formula. That's I know, all right. The winner of
Week three of the twenty fourteen Misscript Contest, moving on to face, just
say it is. Oh my god. Really, this is what happens when
you watched like American Idol too much. You become what you've just become.
And I know, I'm just slowing it down yelling blow. I was right.
You are two for three of this this. Yeah, that's awesome,
and that makes uh, Flora. That means that you almost by default have
won because last year I won because more of the cryptans I came up with
were the ones that we're winning, including the the Ultimate Winner, including the
Ultimate Winner. But this year two two of our three contestants were listeners submissions.
So thank you all for that. Thank you, and Manticor was all
you, Yeah, that's a certain way to go. That's true, manticor
will face Jeff the tucking mongoose and a squawk and we be little nut sacked.
Yeah, straight up. So that's what we got. I'll put that
survey up on the site. Um, it's time to crown a winner of
both the twenty fourteen miss scripted contests correct and of the voting population of the
twenty fourteen script You could win your very own prize pack, including your replica
Golden Goatman Trophy, as well as a dibble baby. Don't cut it.
No, nope, if I if we send you a little dibble baby,
don't set us a picture of you ritualistically cast right to yet right. First
of all, do you know how hard it is to find an anatomically correct
We are required to report these sorts of things to the state the authorities.
So go to blurry photos dot org homepage cast your vote. You're all set.
This is your last chance to get in on the action. We need
all the votes we can get. Last year, Emerson, last year Emerson
one, and it was decided will he establish a dynasty? It was a
it was a dead heat last year and and in fact, week three has
been the closest. Yeah, has been gettencrypted fever. Uh so you wash
your hands after you touch a cryptic. Thanks to everybody for writing in.
Uh, don't forget to go to blurry photos dot org vote for your favorite
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because we don't know what there's nothing there. Uh vote, vote, cast
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you've got a vote. Click on a dote, Nate, you can.
You can also find links to Facebook, Twitter, uh, YouTube,
They risis are linked in. We want to um professionally. We want to
give you a handshake. I want to make a linked in profile. UM
stumble ponds on their iTunes. You can go and rate us and give us
a review, yep, of the five star variety. It would be very
kind of you. And I see iTunes is like the thirteen hundreds because five
is the highest number. Exactly when will they update it? Never outfit us
with a with a five starship? Oh yeah, that we might continue to
sail these digital sees. Yep. And if you if you got any stories
or dreams to share or oh yeah, erotic or otherwise, or show suggestions.
Go to our contact page on blurred photos dot org and send it our
way. Yes, please, we love each and every one of you as
though you are our illegitimate children. We'll show up like when you're eighteen.
We're good people anyways. For this episode of Blurry Photos, I have been
David three ship Floortilla and I have been stead Stecko. Let's go capsure boat
or something Yoho yoho a podcast life for bye those Venia you're to making have
seats? Oh oh pleaced not being intimidated by my beard? A him sputin,
Oh your name is well, I'm Sarah. It's it's nice to meet
you. Um is that some dried chocolate in your beard? The the is
making have snack on way here at a little blood sugar. Sarah. Have
you spoken this God? Well, not not directly. I mean I pray,
but I've hear this. I may hear this. You pray with a
sputin you see God? You like robe? Yeah? But yes, I
mean it's it's very nice. It's I don't know if that's if if that
robe smells or if maybe it's it's the spar that we're in. But something's
a little wine. Smell of wine than the man. You like, smell
of wine than man you want to make smell more than wine than man.
Old goodness, I don't know if I can handle that. Sarah, you
won't make a wife. Oh no, oh, this is this is going
way too fast. I'm sorry, I'm I'm just interested in friend. No,
no, no, that's why i'm here. Fun fact that kill not
to be killed. That's strange. That is a strange. I don't know
how that's fun either. I want to what makes them sound? I hope
my hell looks like the time's up? I'm sorry, nice to me,
nice time. No, that's it, we have to go more time.
Oh my goodness. Oh what am I gonna do? I haven't found anybody?
Who am I gonna go to a church with? And who am I
gonna we're gonna make chicken salad with? I don't understand, like whin Oh,
who's who's next year? Hello? Hi, fine evening to your last?
Oh? Oh are you from Ireland? Indeed? I am, indeed
I am. It's so nice to make your acquaintance. Oh you seem very
nice. My name Sarah. Name's Jack. Oh that's what my friends call
me, and also the police. Oh oh okay, okay, nice to
meet you Jack. That is a lovely Oh that's that's just a lovely blousy
got on in there. Oh, thank you, thank you. You gotta
I gotta a Taylor loft. It's probably it's a polyester bland. Bland is
a brand, is it? Hi? O? My? Uh well,
I like your your cloak. There is that got a w? Money?
Is that what that's it is? It is a w. It is a
bit of a family heirloom. That interesting. Okay, okay, involved in
government, my family was. Let's show myself more the other side of the
clean. Oh that's just such a fine blow. Tell you well. Thanks,
um, Are you okay? You seem to have a little trouble breathing?
Oh no, no, I'm fighting hair fighting hair. I just yeah,
yeah, I get a little distracted occasionally. Let me ask you a
quick good question, good question now, okay, okay, j fancies startle
ever just walked down the streets and maybe they did a night and and you
enjoy. Oh what if someone were to just startle me, frighten me?
For example, I don't think I would like that. No, perhaps maybe
using a blue fire to the face or well, of course not a shaky
grab for the old Chester haroo. I beg your pardon. What kind of
you kind of get up here? We haven't even heard the bell. No,
there's the bell, so thanks, but no things. I mean,
if you think you can get away, I think I've got to away.
A bit of a trick up me. Older pats leave as they say.
I don't know, please, next person, Thank you, next person,
then good evening to you. Anything good find find I thought I had it
in the bag. I can't believe what where? Who? Where? Where
do they find these things? All right,