WEBVTT

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Well, hey, everybody, and
welcome to Fast and Curious, no limit

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speed dating. I hope y'all are
ready to find your true love tonight.

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I wish I could, but I'm
a sponsor. I'm not gonna participate,

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So don't any y'all even ask I
am not allowed to participate. Okay,

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that's okay. So everybody get at
you stations and get ready because the timer's

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about to start. All right,
everybody and Fast and Curious. Hi.

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Stay, oh, Hi, my
name is Bashan. Oh, my name

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is Sarah. It's nice to meet
you, Bashar Sarah. I will be

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very interested in learning your true name, your essential selves name, my essentials.

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Well, the only name I was
born with was was Sarah. I

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don't understand a name given to you
by people who never experienced your essence,

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who never saw you frolic amongst the
cosmic lines. Are you talking about my

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parents? My parents were very kind
to me. I don't understand. Yes,

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yes, I've heard that many times. No, and for the sake

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of ease and brevity, I will
refer to you as Sarah for the time

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being. Okay. I would love
to spend a weekend with you, just

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sitting in lukewarm water, experiencing the
wilderness within, and then when we emerge

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on the other side to learn your
essential name. I am Bashaw. I

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was born into this world Kenny Strickland. My mother will no longer speak to

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me. Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't think that I would like someone

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whose mother doesn't speak to them anymore. I value family a lot, and

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that's the energy that's drawing me to
you. You see, I'm an inclusivist

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and that means that, Well,
it's nice to meet you. I guess

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that's it. It's all right,
we'll see you later. Good luck,

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you know, I must day.
Okay, hello? Where? Well?

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Well, what's so this? And
I you you're well, you're you're just

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putting all the cards on the table
there love names, Jeff talking mongoose.

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Pleasure to meet you, small but
mighty. I bet you've no idea,

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but you will honestly love goodness.
Yeah, you will. You smell like

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strawberries. It's Beth and body works. I love the story, whatever,

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show, whatever, bird. Okay. What matters is that you know I

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hear in this moment and it's I
mean, keen sense of smell, keen

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sense of everything else. Oh,
that's what you get when you get Jeff

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to talking mongoose. Okay, okay, well, Jeff, let let me

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ask you. Do you have it? Is that a tale that I see?

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Oh? It certainly is. It's
a bright bushy tail helps balance me

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when I'm moving with extreme agility.
I could fight a cobra if you were

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ever harassed, but a cobra or
a douche bag I would end them.

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Just take my paw, Please take
my I don't think we're supposed to touch

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Kim. You're gonna have to reach
the shot up. I don't think we're

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supposed Oh there's there's the bill.
I guess all right, Well, I'll

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be looking for you later then.
Okay, good good luck, quick quick

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kiss. Okay, maybe not right. I want to get rebies. It's

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just the way I find this goodness. Um, well, hello, hello,

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going, good, good evening.
Hi. My name is Sarah.

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I am sort ain't gonna see her. It's good to make your acquaintance,

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and welcome to this evening of speed
dating, or as we say, at

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the acciend of dating giante. He
does not translate directly. Sorry, I

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just had high school spash. Listen. Um, you sound nice It's been

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a really hard night so far,
so I have a burbserve this evening.

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It has been fraught with many perils
some of these gentlemen, and they do

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not understand how to treat a lady. That's true. And take for example,

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my friend. Don't look, you
know how to treat a lady.

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Oh okay, yes, yes,
such a specimen of manhood rights a black

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steed through the night like a true
man. Is my friend. We spend

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many times together, and don't look, I don't he sounds very nice,

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So please, but I speak of
myself. Tell me of you. Oh

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well, you know, I'm just
I'm an accountant. I do you know?

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Number stuff by day? So you're
you're a sergeant? Does I mean

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you're in the military. I protect
the hacienda. I mean between the two

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of this root bitward, most of
the work is done. But don't look.

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It protects the people in a manner
are both indirect and very cerebral.

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He is he uses his mind as
a weapon. Me I just have the

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Scotless and the musket and the n
iPhone. Oh my well, that that

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sounds like very dangerous work for you
and your friend there, Well, I

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mean for me I am a figurehead. I am the embodiment of the rule

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of law. But it is don't
look in the shadows. It is it

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is he who works upon the hearts
and minds of the people. Is don't

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look who is the true measure of
a man in the house. And let's

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try to salvage some of this.
Tell me what what book do you?

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What's your favorite book? Well,
I mean I I write a journal daily

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is Multiple Adventures of my friend.
Okay, what noise is? This?

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Is this the time already? Believe
that's the times up? Okay, yeah,

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it's not very I mean just worrying
a connection for me. Okay,

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don't look my journaling. And just
last night I most accepted and I tried

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to be like, don't look and
understand the ways of the people. Yeah,

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have fun there, and I guess
I'll go to another bar. God,

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why can't I just find a good
goatman? Holiness is hereditary. I

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didn't make it, didn't even make
sense. It's so will be because it's

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the perfect opposite of that. Unless
you like grew up in one of those

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really weird distant families and you're like, no, that makes sense. I

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get it. I oh man.
I obviously I've never tried speed dating.

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I have a girlfriend. I don't
need to to try it. Make you

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a real dick if you did.
He's right, right, Uh, and

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you've never tried it, right Nope, internet dating, yes, speed dating

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new. Yeah, it's it's interesting. I just to me, it seems

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like it's all about looks. That's
right. Poor Sergeant Garcia, he just

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mad. He didn't have enough looks
to carry. It's too bad. That's

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too bad. But welcome to blurry
photos. Where are your dates for the

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next amount of time determined by editing
later? Correct? I am date number

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one David Flora, and I am
the ever available David Stecco wink. That's

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right. Only one of us can
make all your dreams come true, and

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that one's taken. Oh, welcome
the most self deprecating podcast this side of

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the real brand. But even there, it looks worth is blow Blurry photography

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is, however, is the most
self deprecating. Anyways, Hey, everybody,

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I hope you're doing well. We
we're gonna take you through a speed

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dating round of man history. That's
right, of the High Seas, the

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High Seas, the Caribbean, oh
or Caribbean queen, nod the only person.

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I mean, I'm not not true. Lots of people say Caribbean,

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but it's only because he did that, because Caribbean is easier to say,

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yeah, yeah, Pirates of the
Caribbean, and I think he has to

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say Caribbean queen because it fits the
cadence, because Caribbean queen. Next week

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on the podcast, Billy Ocean explains
his bullsh from the eighties The working Man's

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linel Ritchie, that's that's exactly who
Billy Ocean. He sure was. We

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get down to brass tacks and ask
Billy Ocean just why he doesn't want us

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in his dreams and what's in his
car? That's right? Well, I

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mean I think we did in the
last episode. I think we explained exactly

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why true, it's true. Our
next episode on Haunted Cars will put paid

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to this whole thing. Everything will
be answered, and then we'll do a

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history episode about who was Queen of
the Caribbean. I'll tell you who was

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King of the Caribbean for a while. Though. Oh I love that.

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That was a fucking masterful seg Now
to drop the name Blackbeard. That's right.

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I hope you like pirates. Now, I hope you are appreciating,

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as a listener the extraordinary amount of
self control because we're I mean, we're

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in excess of a minute and a
half into this podcast, and we have

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nary exhibited even the slightest amount of
pirate vernacular. That's right, that's right.

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We burned it all in that one
intro. Yeah, we did.

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But yeah, I bet it'll pop
up somewhere. I mean, this guy

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epitomizes that whole thought of the English
pirate. Yeah, the true a vast

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yea. Yeah, like land Lubbin. This is who who when you think

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a pirate, this guy is gonna
pop up there. Maybe if he doesn't

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come up at first, he'll he'll
be waiting on the edge of your mind.

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There's like three pirates and he's two
of them. That's a fact.

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Blackbeard. We're Yeah, we're gonna
focus in a little bit and talk about

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who exactly he was. Who who's
the man behind the legend? Pretty pretty

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interesting, I think, to know, to know a little bit more in

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depth instead of just taking what you
hear, yeah from from your old television

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shows. And I think there's a
there's a a base I don't know,

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like a common understanding of a pirate
and of which Blackbeard is the the the

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apex. He's he's the perfect example
of a pirate, and it's it's just

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raw violence, and you know,
he keeps his crew in check with a

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taste of the whip, and he
runs around. He you know, takes

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no presidents. He sinks the ships, he gets the booty and he buries

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it somewhere. And Blackbeard is such
a great, brilliant counterpoint to these things

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that he is one of the most, if not the most famous historical pirates,

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but his actual exploits are amazing.
In the manner in which he operated

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couldn't be further from the general understanding
of it. Yeah, as we will

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get into as we talk about the
real story behind the legend. To give

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you an overview, Blackbeard obviously one
of the most famous pirates in history.

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He's a legend whose exploits are as
infamous as his supposed appearance. He's characterized

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as being a king among pirates,
bloodthirsty, successful, fearsome, on the

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mythical in nature. I'm one of
the most striking aspects of the legend was

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his appearance. Yeah, a huge, imposing man with a menacing black Beard.

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Wouldn't it have just sucked if it
was like, you know, he

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never had a beard, true Star
just wore a big scarf and everyone was

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like, yeah, I thought it
was a beard from a distance. That'd

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be great. That'd piss me off. Yeah, it'd be it'd be maddening,

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but it'd be yeah, pretty funny. It'll be one of those facts

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that everyone knows. H did you
know that black Beard never actually had a

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beard? And also, um,
it's very interesting, Alanis Mori said,

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never used the word ironic correctly in
the song ironic. Um, isn't that

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interesting? Where's my chicory? He
had weapons galore, swords, guns,

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all that stuff. I wore a
wide, tall hat, dark sad eyes,

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and had burning bits of rope in
his hair, circling his head with

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eerie, hellish smoke. That is
what you what's your picture when you picture

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Blackbeard these days? I picture him
with kind eyes. I picture him holding

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kittens instead of cutlasses. He's like
Hagrid of the high Seas. And coincidentally,

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he did employ a hippogrph in his
journey. You're a peg boy,

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Harry, You're a bosun Harry,
he commanded the Caribbean and Southeastern American seaboard,

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aboard his legendary and imposing ship,
The Queen and Revenge. Before his

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demise, it said he buried untold
treasure somewhere, oh k Island. Oh

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maybe. Oh so that that's what
you get from, you know, your

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black Beard sources. Colloquially, that's
what you're gonna Findio gaul early. Yeah,

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Yeah, that's assassin's creed, which
we'll get to. Oh we are

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good, because that's all that's your
that's your Baileywick. I don't know.

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So let's let's dive into his early
life. Now, say, Flora,

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you were looking to look this guy
up in the phone book? Which you

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look look this guy up in the
phone book? Would you look under Bee

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for black or be for Beard or
neither? I would look for neither,

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because this war is a mystery and
a half. Whoa in his early life,

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including the name. Now, he
wasn't born black Beard Jones or you

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know whatever. The dog was named
black Beard. I love of all the

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fing movie jokes. The amount of
distance we're getting out of that one.

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So I loved bad dudes. Um
No, it's generally thought that he went

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by one of a few possible names, Edward Teach, h Edward Thatch,

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Edward Tack, or well Fast,
Eddie of Batigliano. What is true,

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inaccurate, is that his name was
Eddie in some form or another. He

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wasn't Edward. They have a lot
of spellings, a large number of spellings

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of that, either Teach or Thatch
or something they're in um. Drummond has

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also been thrown out there as a
as a last name, but that's there's

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00:15:45.679 --> 00:15:48.000
no real evidence of that being is
that's where mister Drummond got all of his

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money from different strokes, Yeah,
exactly, he was a giant booby.

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Couldn't have been making the money elsewhere
he found it sitting on top of his

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family's piracy estate. In fact,
there's little to no evidence for any of

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those names, save for some accounts
and anecdotes later on in his infamacy in

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Famasya mphasis. So pirates like to
go by different names, obviously to protect

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their their family name. Yep,
So that makes sense. If you're a

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career criminal, you're on the run
from the from the Majesty and the Crown,

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don't don't use your name. Step
that's like, that's a pirating one.

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On one. Yeah, don't use
your real name. Yeah, if

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your name's Ronnie Dirt napp right.
But if your name is Danny Giblets,

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00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:42.919
just use your own name. Just
use your real name. Danny, be

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00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:47.639
a man for once in your damned
life. He's going to go up the

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00:16:47.720 --> 00:16:52.519
river so fast, Danny, what
did you do? It's been theorized and

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generally accepted that he was born in
Bristol, England, near the turn of

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00:16:56.960 --> 00:17:02.799
the eighteenth century. That's a sixteen
eighty they're guessing. Yeah, I guess

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00:17:02.879 --> 00:17:07.720
the record keeping just wasn't that great. No, it wasn't. So we

198
00:17:07.799 --> 00:17:15.319
don't have anything solid to go on
in terms of birthdate age of him.

199
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It's just all kind of guesses.
He was two hundred years old, He

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00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:21.400
may have been two hundred. He
may have been no less than six hundred

201
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years old. So after he was
done fighting the Egyptians, yeah, and

202
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:32.000
surviving the flood. He was a
Phoenician man wrote a dinosaur before he learned

203
00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:34.920
how to sale. They had a
bumper sticker on Queen Answer Revenge that says,

204
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my other drop my other boat as
Applesia saurd I break for raptors.

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And again nothing, nothing is solid
about his name, his whereabouts, where

206
00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:52.519
he's from, any of that stuff. Given the salt pork, not even

207
00:17:52.519 --> 00:17:56.440
his stools were solid. I mean
sorry, that's just what happens when you

208
00:17:56.440 --> 00:18:00.039
were pirates, right, yeah,
diuretic, They never tell you. Um

209
00:18:03.319 --> 00:18:07.279
sorry, that was just the gross
poop joke, and I kind of apologize.

210
00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:11.559
That's like, but we need to
fill our quota, So seventy five

211
00:18:11.599 --> 00:18:15.039
percent apology. You don't even have
to accept it. At the fifty percent

212
00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:19.079
rate. We know that that the
man existed, there's no doubt about that.

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00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:23.519
It's not he's not a legend in
that regard, right that he was

214
00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:26.920
never there. He was for real, dog, We just don't know him

215
00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:30.720
where he came from. He just
kind of came onto the scene. But

216
00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:38.720
it's said that he learned seafaring from
being a privateer in the Caribbean during Queen

217
00:18:38.759 --> 00:18:44.559
Anne's War that lasted, you know, seventeen o two to seventeen thirteen.

218
00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:49.400
And just to remind you, privateering
is is just um I guess from depending

219
00:18:49.440 --> 00:18:53.039
on which country you hail from.
But it's legal piracy, yeah it is.

220
00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:57.880
It is where you get a commission
from the crown to go out and

221
00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:03.000
steal other ships and cargo. Um, your job is something bad guys.

222
00:19:03.119 --> 00:19:07.960
Yeah, you're you're it's it's it's
economic warfare functionally. Your your job is

223
00:19:07.319 --> 00:19:11.079
not to go out there and blow
things up. Your job is to steal

224
00:19:11.319 --> 00:19:15.039
materials and and and money and ship
disrupt cargo. Yeah, yeah, you're

225
00:19:15.079 --> 00:19:18.960
You're there to disrupt supply lines.
And the way it works is because you're

226
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not a regular part of say the
Queen's Navy. You you you get what

227
00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:27.720
you keep, Sure you like the
job is getting done in that you are

228
00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:33.160
just you're you're disrupting your enemy supply
lines, and you keep what you get.

229
00:19:33.240 --> 00:19:38.440
It's it's a standard pyramid scheme operation. Um. But yeah, whatever,

230
00:19:38.599 --> 00:19:42.160
whatever you you kill, you keep. Yeah. Uh. And and

231
00:19:42.519 --> 00:19:48.079
therefore you are illegal pirate, right, which is to say that there's all

232
00:19:48.119 --> 00:19:52.279
the countries except for one after you, as opposed to regular piracy where they're

233
00:19:52.319 --> 00:19:56.519
all after you. A little bit
about the Queen Anne's War. It's I

234
00:19:56.559 --> 00:20:02.720
think I read it. It was
the second um kind of the second set

235
00:20:02.759 --> 00:20:06.759
of wars in the French and Indian
War. Uh, it's it's it's British

236
00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:11.720
against French and Spanish. The Spanish
were trying to that's not really narrowing it

237
00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:15.920
down. Yeah, the Spanish,
we're trying to buck up a lot of

238
00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:21.440
England's Shuh. France wanted to help
them, of course, because you know

239
00:20:22.759 --> 00:20:30.119
England, that's what that's what they
are. Um. So this was just

240
00:20:30.200 --> 00:20:33.000
the the American side of it.
This was what was going on in the

241
00:20:33.000 --> 00:20:37.039
Americas. I mean, honestly,
seven even our own revolution was a proxy

242
00:20:37.079 --> 00:20:44.960
war sure for for France anyway.
Yep. After the Treaty of Utrecht was

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00:20:45.039 --> 00:20:51.440
signed in seventeen thirteen, the privateers
didn't really have much to do because they

244
00:20:51.440 --> 00:20:56.599
were no longer able to legally plunder
ships. So many of them turned to

245
00:20:56.920 --> 00:21:00.400
piracy. It's all they knew how
to do, right, Like, Oh,

246
00:21:00.440 --> 00:21:04.119
so you're you're saying, you're you're
no longer supporting us because because we've

247
00:21:04.119 --> 00:21:10.200
just been doing this anyway, So
we're just gonna keep doing this then.

248
00:21:11.799 --> 00:21:15.119
So that's that's what a lot of
them, uh did, including Edward Teach.

249
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He joined the crew of Captain Benjamin
Hornigold in seventeen sixteen, who was

250
00:21:22.920 --> 00:21:30.680
based in New Providence in the Bahamas. Big Ben Horny Gold, Big Ben

251
00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:37.240
Horny New Providence, um was a
sort of like a pirate haven. It

252
00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:41.839
was. It was like an outback
steakhouse of the Caribbean. There were no

253
00:21:41.960 --> 00:21:45.720
rules, just right. Can you
say that in a shitty Australian accent.

254
00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:49.559
No, well, yes, I
guess I can do it shilly, but

255
00:21:51.400 --> 00:21:59.240
no rules, just right. Nice
New Providence, West Indies. So New

256
00:21:59.279 --> 00:22:03.200
Providence had no law. That's that's
the bottom line, like most of the

257
00:22:03.680 --> 00:22:07.279
Yeah, yeah, most of the
West Indies, which, by the way,

258
00:22:07.319 --> 00:22:11.400
if if anyone I don't know doesn't
know that West Indies is the Caribbean.

259
00:22:11.559 --> 00:22:15.079
Yeah yeah, around the Bahamas there, yeah, the outer banks there.

260
00:22:15.319 --> 00:22:22.319
Hornigal captured a sloop named Range.
John by what John captured? The

261
00:22:22.440 --> 00:22:26.680
sloop John be like a bad joke? Moving on? Is this another song

262
00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:33.519
that I get the It's no,
it's the damn Beach Boys, the Sloop

263
00:22:33.599 --> 00:22:37.160
John b That one that one missed
me. Wow, oh man, Peyton

264
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:41.720
Bob is gonna tear you a new
one. And I'm gonna sit there laughing

265
00:22:41.759 --> 00:22:51.160
as I watched the new one get
torn. Wow. Wow. Uh No.

266
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He captured a sloop named Ranger and
outfitted it with thirty guns, which

267
00:22:56.799 --> 00:23:00.559
meant he had little problem controlling the
waters of the region, because thirty guns

268
00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:06.519
is pretty formidable at the time.
Keep in mind this is uh you know,

269
00:23:06.599 --> 00:23:10.640
in the area of seven the year
seventeen hundred, thirty was the highest

270
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:17.079
number. There was no concept of
a number in excess of thirty, so

271
00:23:17.480 --> 00:23:22.680
he had literally achieved the apex of
military dominance in the region. You also

272
00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:29.519
think about sloops. Sloops are are
small ships, not then not then thirty

273
00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:40.119
feet long the maximum length anything.
This ship was literally the grandest thing conceivable.

274
00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:45.440
Guess how many crew he could fit
on there, seventy three. Because

275
00:23:45.640 --> 00:23:51.400
of the Bible, there was some
weird anachronistic math that said that that was

276
00:23:51.400 --> 00:23:57.480
like thirty people and thirty it was
the largest number. But really a sloop

277
00:23:59.000 --> 00:24:03.680
sloop is a two masted ship.
It's really real maneuverable. Pirates liked it.

278
00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:07.039
It was very fast, yep,
hit and run. Usually easy to

279
00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:14.039
procure one nautical drive by machine.
Usually you would get a between ten and

280
00:24:14.079 --> 00:24:18.240
twenty guns on a on a sloop, on a good sloop. He bumped

281
00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:23.319
that up to thirty. And your
dog and I heard you like guns on

282
00:24:23.400 --> 00:24:29.359
your sloop. We put guns in
your guns. Your guns have guns,

283
00:24:29.400 --> 00:24:33.759
dog, your guns shoot guns,
right, don't get hit by one of

284
00:24:33.759 --> 00:24:37.200
those, you get shot again.
Twice guns. Uh. Yeah, they

285
00:24:37.240 --> 00:24:41.079
didn't call him double guns. They
called him twice guns. That's yeah.

286
00:24:41.119 --> 00:24:44.279
Yeah, well that's old timey talk. It was normal for them, yep.

287
00:24:45.319 --> 00:24:48.599
Uh. Anyways, the ranger um
Teach Edward Teach proved himself a worthy

288
00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:56.599
seaman, and after Hornigal got the
ranger, he gave for applause by the

289
00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:02.920
way, he gave his original all
sloop to Teach. Oh yeah, very

290
00:25:03.079 --> 00:25:07.480
very nice. And the two of
them went on a spree, capturing boat

291
00:25:07.480 --> 00:25:11.079
after boat and obtaining the cargo.
Therein a lot of flour, a lot

292
00:25:11.119 --> 00:25:15.079
of wine. Yep, thirty pounds
of each, no more, no less.

293
00:25:15.640 --> 00:25:19.519
They got around that by putting those
pounds into kegs. Yeah. So

294
00:25:19.519 --> 00:25:23.000
then they got thirty kegs of each. There you go, and then hogsheads,

295
00:25:23.039 --> 00:25:27.000
it's right, then bushels, then
pecks. September of seventeen seventeen,

296
00:25:27.480 --> 00:25:33.240
the thirtieth month of the year,
the gentleman pirate stead Bonnet showed up in

297
00:25:33.359 --> 00:25:38.680
Nassau. Hello, boys, I
believe that's that's exactly how he That is

298
00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:45.480
an incredibly accurate portrayal of stead Bonnet. The gentleman pirate had no idea what

299
00:25:45.519 --> 00:25:51.160
he was doing. Basically as a
pirate, he's a gentleman. Well that's

300
00:25:51.319 --> 00:25:53.200
that's a thing he was like.
He was a landowner and then one and

301
00:25:53.319 --> 00:25:57.640
then tried his hand at piracy,
had a ship built as opposed to getting

302
00:25:57.680 --> 00:26:03.000
one, and hired people who knew
what they were doing on the sea,

303
00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:07.119
which meant the crew had no respect
for him. Pardon me, and gentleman,

304
00:26:07.160 --> 00:26:12.079
if you wouldn't mind, made me
take your crew and cargo. No

305
00:26:12.319 --> 00:26:17.799
will mell meta, show you on
your business, a good day. Tell

306
00:26:17.880 --> 00:26:22.519
your friends the gentleman pirate. Excuse
me, first, mate, what should

307
00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:30.559
we do? Shall we ram them? Or fire cylinder guns? So,

308
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:37.359
gentleman pirate, he's wounded. He's
been pirrating and sort of successfully. Some

309
00:26:37.640 --> 00:26:45.480
n shows up a nasaw, somebody
kick him in, and he showed up

310
00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:48.640
with a possibly mutinous crew. This
is these are people who do not respect

311
00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:55.319
him at all. Right, So
he shows up. He gives Teach control

312
00:26:55.440 --> 00:27:00.559
of his twelve gun sloop called the
Revenge. It's revenge against mummy. She

313
00:27:00.799 --> 00:27:03.519
never let me have pudding. Take
that mummy. I would never eat my

314
00:27:03.599 --> 00:27:08.200
meat, so I could never have
my pudding. And I swore Sunday I

315
00:27:08.200 --> 00:27:11.480
should have a boat, bit mummy, and it'll make you ever so vexed

316
00:27:12.920 --> 00:27:21.640
to the seas, my friends.
So at that point Hornigold and Teach and

317
00:27:21.720 --> 00:27:26.519
I guess some other pirate captain had
had a three ship flotilla, and they

318
00:27:26.920 --> 00:27:33.839
plundered at least four more ships in
the following months with these November seventeen seventeen,

319
00:27:33.720 --> 00:27:40.799
Hornigold retired. And when I say
retired, I mean the crew didn't

320
00:27:40.920 --> 00:27:47.079
much like how he was running things. Oh, so cut his losses.

321
00:27:47.160 --> 00:27:51.440
Yep, And no, he wasn't
dead, but is a kid. He's

322
00:27:51.480 --> 00:27:59.240
tendons and Teach now with a growing
beard and a growing understanding of theatrics as

323
00:27:59.279 --> 00:28:03.119
a strategy, Teach, my boy, beard's coming in quite nice. Another

324
00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:07.559
three months or so you but if
your own command quite proud of you,

325
00:28:07.799 --> 00:28:11.519
that's that's it. Don't forget to
punch the children. You're pirate, after

326
00:28:11.559 --> 00:28:17.279
all, they expected another sex months
with that beard growing, or promotion to

327
00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:26.000
rear admiral. Good question. Consider
putting perhaps in your own beard and blot

328
00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:33.960
it fuse bit of rope, maybe
something more thank on it teriffying smoke.

329
00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:40.119
How does come to me in a
dream. Ironically, even though portions of

330
00:28:40.200 --> 00:28:47.279
your head are literally on fire,
I'll only remember the beard Delavan from natives

331
00:28:47.359 --> 00:28:56.319
and call you something of I believe
the Hagrid. Where were we? Well?

332
00:28:56.880 --> 00:29:02.720
Uh, Teach now has the revenge, and Teach doesn't own the revenge.

333
00:29:02.759 --> 00:29:07.119
He's just running it for the candy
Ass's sitting downstairs whittling right, and

334
00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:10.880
Horn of Gold is out of the
scene now, So it's Teach on the

335
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:15.640
revenge in another sloop and they set
their sights on a French slaver called Le

336
00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:21.480
Concorde. It was easily more than
three times the size of the Revenge,

337
00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:30.599
but Teach had superior strategy, having
both sloops maneuver and fire across the deck

338
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:36.000
of Le Concord, killing crewman on
there but not damaging the ship. Pretty

339
00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:40.680
smart, now, that not only
smart, but very accurate. Yeah,

340
00:29:40.680 --> 00:29:45.119
that's a that's a very narrow window
to fire at the French captain surrendered and

341
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:52.200
Teach took command. Also may have
taken a bit of gold dust on board,

342
00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:59.799
and possibly a diamond ring that he
cut off the captain's finger. All

343
00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:07.759
maybe so some stories, that's a
French for my finger. Oh Dua's finger.

344
00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:14.440
Sweet, sweet, sweet, that's
what you say when you're out on

345
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:17.240
the ocean. That's right, Well, you know it's polyglott. You don't

346
00:30:17.240 --> 00:30:19.200
know what you gotta say. It's
sweet, cover is it? Giving the

347
00:30:19.240 --> 00:30:23.480
French crew of the concord the French
crew of the concord, he gave them

348
00:30:23.519 --> 00:30:30.440
the smaller sloop, and Teach took
the concord, upgraded it with anywhere between

349
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:36.960
thirty two and forty guns. Same
possible. It's another year, dude,

350
00:30:37.279 --> 00:30:41.519
they learned, Oh my god,
well that's the march of science. So

351
00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:45.599
they were able to get to forty. Yeah, which, honestly, I'll

352
00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:48.279
bet you how many guys looking through
a telescope, they're like, well,

353
00:30:48.279 --> 00:30:56.680
series closing on us, I count
five thirty captain, Captain, I've counted

354
00:30:56.720 --> 00:31:00.359
thirty guns, but their more guns. Well count again, I have,

355
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:07.400
sir, I've counted three times.
There's there's thirty and then ten. So

356
00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:14.200
he upgraded it with more guns and
renamed her the Queen Anne's Revenge. With

357
00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:19.680
this modified frigate, he easily controlled
the sea and ransacked several more vessels after

358
00:31:19.759 --> 00:31:22.880
that. Now, let's back this
up to a very important point that we're

359
00:31:22.920 --> 00:31:26.839
going to come back around to what
did he do with the crew of a

360
00:31:26.920 --> 00:31:33.680
look concord. He gave them the
smaller sloop and set them free. What

361
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:41.279
he let him go? That is
not your typical pirate behavior. Say yes,

362
00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:49.480
as we all know, blah blah
blah, thanks press have mass haive

363
00:31:49.759 --> 00:31:57.559
as anybody want to repeat uh.
Later accounts of survivors described him as tall

364
00:31:57.640 --> 00:32:05.839
and spare, wearing a very black
beard. Authored Charles Johnson described him as

365
00:32:05.920 --> 00:32:09.680
wearing pistols in bandoliers across his chest, and the way he described it was

366
00:32:09.759 --> 00:32:15.160
three brace which I don't know.
I don't know if that means three belts

367
00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:21.920
or what. But some accounts say
he wore four strapped around his chest.

368
00:32:22.119 --> 00:32:27.279
Four four pistols. Yeah, I
even think I may have come across that

369
00:32:27.359 --> 00:32:30.960
he had six at one point.
But he had a bunch of flint lock

370
00:32:31.000 --> 00:32:37.960
pistols again one shot, so he's
basically just got at least four shots going.

371
00:32:39.079 --> 00:32:44.920
His hair braided and tied with colorful
ribbons, and he had several slow

372
00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:52.559
burning fuses coming from under his hat. Seventeen eighteen, the Sloop Adventure was

373
00:32:52.640 --> 00:33:00.440
added to the flotilla by invitation,
and six more vessels were plundered on way

374
00:33:00.440 --> 00:33:04.759
to Charleston, South Carolina. So
he's working his way up the coast.

375
00:33:05.279 --> 00:33:08.400
And it's important to point out here
that he's also and it's it's kind of

376
00:33:08.480 --> 00:33:13.519
you're reading between the lines of history. But keep in mind how he's building

377
00:33:13.799 --> 00:33:19.319
this flotilla. He established a reputation
for knowing what he's doing. And so

378
00:33:19.519 --> 00:33:21.920
Lord dandy Pants is like, well, hey, will you please run my

379
00:33:21.960 --> 00:33:24.279
boat for me? And then he
goes out. There's the captain that he

380
00:33:24.440 --> 00:33:30.200
learned from. Couldn't keep his own
crew right, but he's able to kind

381
00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:32.920
of keep things in check. He
goes out, he spares this crew,

382
00:33:34.039 --> 00:33:37.960
gives them his old boat. Yeah, don't need it anymore. And now

383
00:33:37.079 --> 00:33:44.960
he's he's adding to people, he's
he's not this this mindless um savage that's

384
00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:50.160
just out for gold and murder.
Like he's of a sort a statesman.

385
00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:54.319
He's he's building a consensus. He's
building a group based not only on his

386
00:33:54.359 --> 00:34:00.400
ability, his success, but he's
talking people into joining like he's using a

387
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:07.280
negotiation. He's using uh, parlay, He's using parlay. Look a motherfucker,

388
00:34:07.400 --> 00:34:14.440
he is he parlay. So odd
bitches be screaming, but I mean,

389
00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:16.639
that's an important point though, Like, this is not this is not

390
00:34:17.079 --> 00:34:21.599
This is not an idiot with with
a billion gun strap to him, right.

391
00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:23.599
This is a guy who's very smart
about what he's doing and is also

392
00:34:23.679 --> 00:34:30.920
able to to use diplomacy of a
sort to get what he needs. Yeah,

393
00:34:30.079 --> 00:34:35.880
and what he needs he's money,
apparently, and more fuses those,

394
00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:39.039
even a slow burning ones. I
mean it's an expense, yeah, but

395
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:42.679
you know what, if you're working
in the play, you got a boy

396
00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:45.440
makeup, if you're going to be
Blackbeard, You're going to spend money on

397
00:34:45.480 --> 00:34:50.840
fuses, that's right. And the
next stop to get fuses was Charleston.

398
00:34:51.880 --> 00:34:59.599
Oh, apparently the non marauding aspect
of his piracy may have not been what

399
00:34:59.719 --> 00:35:04.639
some of his crew signed on for. He was getting a little perturbed by

400
00:35:04.679 --> 00:35:09.119
some of his crew, so there's
a thought that he devised a pretty crazy

401
00:35:09.199 --> 00:35:14.599
scheme to get out of the situation, to get rid of the crew he

402
00:35:14.639 --> 00:35:20.159
didn't care for. Day twenty six. I love the crew, but I'm

403
00:35:20.199 --> 00:35:23.679
not in love with the crew,
and I'm just trying to decide if it's

404
00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:30.199
just a good point to walk away. Also, Bird took my slow burning

405
00:35:30.199 --> 00:35:34.039
fuse and it was like a really
good one. What's up with that?

406
00:35:34.519 --> 00:35:37.360
It's like, am I going to
develop a phobia of birds? Monday's right?

407
00:35:39.000 --> 00:35:46.159
Black Beard? Be Beard? Be
Beard? So what he does?

408
00:35:46.360 --> 00:35:52.440
He blockades the port of Charleston and
captures a boat that had some wealthy citizens

409
00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:58.239
trying to get out of there,
and he ransoms them, holds some hostage

410
00:35:58.320 --> 00:36:05.079
for medicine, right, not for
money or cannonballs. Medicine or a monkey

411
00:36:05.119 --> 00:36:07.840
that will live on his shoulder,
or parrots, or a mystical compass that

412
00:36:07.880 --> 00:36:15.519
will show him where the ultimate treasure
is. He basically gives Charleston a time

413
00:36:15.519 --> 00:36:21.239
frame with which to give him this
medicine or he starts executing the mother can

414
00:36:21.320 --> 00:36:28.840
last one of you be cool,
honeybunny in this timeframe? This timeframe passes,

415
00:36:29.119 --> 00:36:32.159
and he's basically ready to string these
people up, right, And this

416
00:36:32.199 --> 00:36:36.840
is hilarious. This is kind of
a bluff called yeah, but it's also

417
00:36:37.480 --> 00:36:39.599
kind of a comedy of errors.
It's kind of like this farcical thing.

418
00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:45.360
Yeah. So he's got to decide
if he's gonna really because to this point

419
00:36:45.800 --> 00:36:50.000
he has not he has not executed
a prisoner. He's not he's not harmed

420
00:36:50.039 --> 00:36:57.800
anyone that he's captured. So he's
at least making the moves to execute these

421
00:36:57.840 --> 00:37:00.079
people or hang them or whatever he's
gonna do. Uh. And then he

422
00:37:00.119 --> 00:37:06.039
gets word that, oh, medicine's
on the way, just just a few

423
00:37:06.079 --> 00:37:10.280
delays. We'll have the medicine to
you soon. Yeah, So he gives

424
00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:14.559
them two more days. Yeah,
he's reasonable. Yeah, he's like,

425
00:37:14.599 --> 00:37:16.599
all right, fine, I see
what's going on. Two days are up.

426
00:37:16.960 --> 00:37:20.880
No, no medicine. Goes through
the motions again, and then all

427
00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:24.280
of a sudden, the boat comes
out with the guy he sent to get

428
00:37:24.320 --> 00:37:29.119
the medicine, and it's like,
look, we would have gotten this medicine

429
00:37:29.159 --> 00:37:34.280
to you sooner, but you're stupid. Fucking crewmen were off drinking and carousing

430
00:37:34.679 --> 00:37:40.199
and we couldn't get things done with
them being total ass hats. That's a

431
00:37:40.599 --> 00:37:45.480
boiled down version of it. But
hey, I'll have two beers. I'm

432
00:37:45.519 --> 00:37:49.800
part of the pirate crew. It's
yeah, we got the sole one horsetown

433
00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:52.599
block caded supposed to get medicine or
something. No, no, it's two

434
00:37:52.599 --> 00:37:53.760
beers. I ordered two beers.
Yeah, thank you, thank you.

435
00:37:53.840 --> 00:37:59.840
Yeah, how about a hooker y'all
got y'all get hookers. Hey, y'all

436
00:38:00.119 --> 00:38:04.679
gonna get a hook a round here. So anyways, he gets he gets

437
00:38:04.719 --> 00:38:08.320
the medicine, and then they piece
out. After that, he's selled that

438
00:38:08.760 --> 00:38:13.559
he wins that nothing bad ever happens
again. Yeah, he selled. He

439
00:38:13.679 --> 00:38:17.000
selled to heaven and it's like the
end of that grease. His boat's just

440
00:38:17.079 --> 00:38:22.559
lift off. Then they just fly
off into the clouds and the hoods inexplicably

441
00:38:22.599 --> 00:38:28.239
plexic glass. Now yeah, how
dumb h He sells north to Beaufort Inlet,

442
00:38:29.280 --> 00:38:32.000
which is in the outer Banks in
North Carolina, and they all get

443
00:38:32.039 --> 00:38:37.400
just up off medicine. They're like, whoa third basic first day sick jokes

444
00:38:37.440 --> 00:38:42.679
on that? Ye, give me
another one of the Napolio vaccines. Whoo

445
00:38:43.360 --> 00:38:51.320
they had those. He intends to
repair Queen andrew revenge by careening it up

446
00:38:51.320 --> 00:38:58.039
there. Careening is when you take
a boat on high tide. You take

447
00:38:58.079 --> 00:39:05.920
it into the bank the shoals and
basically beach beach it, and then the

448
00:39:06.280 --> 00:39:09.599
tide goes out, You do your
repairs what you need to, and then

449
00:39:09.639 --> 00:39:14.280
when the tide comes back in you
you're off. You're off on your married

450
00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:20.559
way. Well, apparently the ship
ran aground, little too much mustard on

451
00:39:20.599 --> 00:39:23.599
the pickle. Yeah, and apparently
which is which isn't a phrase? By

452
00:39:23.599 --> 00:39:30.760
the way, it is now snapped
the mainmasts did I do that? And

453
00:39:31.159 --> 00:39:36.960
the Adventure the little sloop. The
Adventure also ran aground. Now, some

454
00:39:36.960 --> 00:39:42.280
people say this is part of his
plan to get rid of his crew members

455
00:39:42.320 --> 00:39:45.400
that were a little too rowdy for
him. So he did this on purpose

456
00:39:45.599 --> 00:39:51.079
because he's had some years. Yeah, not his first rodeo. Yeah,

457
00:39:51.119 --> 00:39:53.840
on the Old Sea, and this
is an area that he has been plying

458
00:39:54.840 --> 00:40:00.400
regularly. There's no surprises in this
part of the sea for him. So

459
00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:06.199
after all this, after the boats
get run around, they have heard that

460
00:40:06.760 --> 00:40:10.800
there are royal pardons to be given
out to pirates who, I guess basically

461
00:40:10.840 --> 00:40:15.880
confess and and say, you know, we've we've been pirating. We're sorry,

462
00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:20.679
we'll stop. And then they you
get a royal pardon. You got

463
00:40:20.679 --> 00:40:24.519
to go to the governor, you
know, governor pardons you. But he

464
00:40:24.599 --> 00:40:28.840
wasn't sure if this was a trap
or not. So he says, hey,

465
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:31.719
stead Bonnet, who is just basically
accompanying him at this point, you

466
00:40:31.760 --> 00:40:36.719
know, because he can't do anything
else. He says, hey, stead,

467
00:40:36.719 --> 00:40:39.760
Bonnet, why don't you go get
yourself one of them parts, get

468
00:40:39.800 --> 00:40:43.960
a fancy old part, tell me
how it feels. Pardon from the king,

469
00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:47.000
And he did so to see if
Bonnet was just going to get hanged

470
00:40:47.079 --> 00:40:52.000
or not. Bonnet does this,
he's none the wiser, goes and gets

471
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:59.840
pardoned and everything works out. Then
he returns to collect the sloop the Revenge,

472
00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:06.599
but finds it stripped of all its
wares and crew. Black Beard had

473
00:41:06.679 --> 00:41:15.119
could trust all of these pirates,
dumbast He'd run off with his all of

474
00:41:15.199 --> 00:41:22.559
his favorite crewmen basically, and Bonnet
apparently wanted to take revenge on him after

475
00:41:22.599 --> 00:41:25.960
that and looked for him and looked
for him and never could find him.

476
00:41:25.639 --> 00:41:31.480
Um well, he didn't even get
his revenge off of him. Pirate burn

477
00:41:34.119 --> 00:41:39.639
And apparently Bonnett started pirrating again and
got caught and hanged for it. So

478
00:41:42.039 --> 00:41:46.440
lociento stead Bonnet. Black Beard did
go and receive a royal pardon from the

479
00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:52.639
North Carolina Governor Charles Eden, and
he found a home in a village called

480
00:41:52.679 --> 00:41:59.880
Bath. And apparently I read one
account that said, according to Admiralty doc

481
00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:05.199
comments, he married a girl from
the region as well. Oh, that's

482
00:42:05.320 --> 00:42:07.880
lovely. Yeah. It seemed like
he was gonna settle down and stop his

483
00:42:07.960 --> 00:42:16.079
pirrating and be an honest man.
And Charles Eden and Blackbeard worked together kind

484
00:42:16.079 --> 00:42:22.960
of under the table, kind of
you know, shady government. Ask black

485
00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:27.039
Beard plundered and which which got rid
of pirates in the area, which was

486
00:42:27.079 --> 00:42:31.639
a plus for the governor, and
shared the booty with the governor so that

487
00:42:31.960 --> 00:42:36.800
he could have booty, and you
know it was that's what we all want.

488
00:42:36.840 --> 00:42:42.599
You scratch my bag, sweet sweet
boot At this time, Blackbeard met

489
00:42:42.840 --> 00:42:46.559
the pirate Charles Vane. You bet
you think this song is about you,

490
00:42:47.239 --> 00:42:54.159
don't you don't you? You might
be thinking, well, what's old Horny

491
00:42:54.199 --> 00:42:59.920
gold doing? Oh yeah, yeah, wow. Well he had turned pirate

492
00:43:00.199 --> 00:43:05.199
hunter, switch sides. He was
now hunting pirates. Well, I don't

493
00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:10.920
like them. Chase Charles Vane into
Blackbeard's area, and Charles Vane hung out

494
00:43:10.960 --> 00:43:15.599
with black Beard. Also, Calico
Jack Rackham came along and that's a great

495
00:43:15.679 --> 00:43:22.000
name and parted with him, Old
Calico Jack. And word of these guys

496
00:43:22.039 --> 00:43:30.480
hanging out together got to the Virginia
Governor, Alexander Spotswood, who thought very

497
00:43:30.519 --> 00:43:36.679
poorly of North Carolina and pirates in
general, and he planned an illegal invasion

498
00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:40.639
of North Carolina. It was originally
they originally it was called the Virginians.

499
00:43:40.800 --> 00:43:45.199
It wasn't Virginias for lovers, Virginias
for mega maniacal pirate hunters. Right,

500
00:43:45.679 --> 00:43:49.960
yeah, harder on tourism. Yeah, I think it was around the eighteen

501
00:43:50.039 --> 00:43:54.559
hundreds when they changed. Does it
rull up? Doesn't fit on a T

502
00:43:54.639 --> 00:44:02.480
shirt? Blackbeard had started anchoring in
Ocracoke Island. What what what? What

503
00:44:02.760 --> 00:44:09.519
in North Carolina mean? Gene Oak
Island Land, Ocracoke Island. In November

504
00:44:09.599 --> 00:44:16.639
of seventeen eighteen, two sloops under
the command of Lieutenant Robert Maynard sailed into

505
00:44:16.719 --> 00:44:23.000
the inlet, cornering Blackbeard's two sloops
that he had, and a fierce battle

506
00:44:23.320 --> 00:44:30.199
ensued. Blackbeard's ship and Maynard's ship
either slammed into each other or got close

507
00:44:30.320 --> 00:44:37.400
enough for Blackbeard's crew to board Maynard's
ship, and, seeing only a handful

508
00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:43.960
of crew and Maynards standing there,
Blackbeard was encouraged until Maynard shouted an order

509
00:44:44.519 --> 00:44:52.199
and a large contention of midden hidden
below deck rushed out, surprising the pirates.

510
00:44:52.639 --> 00:44:57.199
It is a trap could be used
an admiral and a battle raged.

511
00:44:58.239 --> 00:45:01.840
Black Beard and Maynard's square it off
against each other. They pulled out pistols

512
00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:06.199
and they shot at each other,
and they drew swords and charged, and

513
00:45:06.280 --> 00:45:10.880
Blackbeard snapped Maynard's sword in twain what
and went for a koa grab, but

514
00:45:12.079 --> 00:45:16.519
was cut in the neck from behind
by one of Maynard's crew. He was

515
00:45:16.599 --> 00:45:22.159
then attacked by the rest of the
crew and killed m He was beheaded,

516
00:45:22.559 --> 00:45:28.760
and the body was tossed overboard,
and it said that it swam around the

517
00:45:28.800 --> 00:45:36.400
ship three times before sinking. I
believe that that is a history of Blackbeard.

518
00:45:36.519 --> 00:45:40.280
Now some of the myths that go
along with him. We are here

519
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:47.880
for your listening pleasier for I love
myths, some of the one of them,

520
00:45:47.920 --> 00:45:51.760
you know, one of those dumb
myths. His hair was on fire,

521
00:45:51.840 --> 00:45:54.559
No it was, it was slow
burning fuse. But he did apparently

522
00:45:54.599 --> 00:46:00.639
employed this theatrical tactic. Yeah,
very cool, very fun. Yeah he

523
00:46:00.719 --> 00:46:04.199
was. He did a good job
of he I mean, like he understood

524
00:46:04.239 --> 00:46:07.119
the craft of like the idea of
who he was versus who he actually was,

525
00:46:07.719 --> 00:46:12.440
and he got his He got more
done that way. Yeah, he

526
00:46:12.480 --> 00:46:15.719
didn't have to do as much work
because people were terrified on him exactly,

527
00:46:15.920 --> 00:46:21.719
and he could he could capture an
entire ship just based on his looks as

528
00:46:21.719 --> 00:46:25.280
opposed to having to kill people or
ruin the ship or the cargo, which

529
00:46:25.320 --> 00:46:30.400
is so tiles. Some Please,
we've all seen it done before. You

530
00:46:30.519 --> 00:46:34.800
should find something interesting, like maybe
put some hopes in your hand, lights

531
00:46:34.880 --> 00:46:37.440
him on fire. But then scarce
the children and tell us out like mommy,

532
00:46:37.519 --> 00:46:40.920
give this man all the boats pots, And since the mommy says,

533
00:46:42.199 --> 00:46:45.719
yeah, I'm listening to you because
I've never seen this happened before, and

534
00:46:45.840 --> 00:46:52.559
sin, then he's famous. That's
exactly how it works. It just blacked

535
00:46:52.559 --> 00:46:59.599
out what just happened? How about
how about the buried treasure that Blackbeard supposedly

536
00:46:59.639 --> 00:47:04.519
left. They all left behind buried
treasure, didn't they, every single one

537
00:47:04.599 --> 00:47:07.840
of them? Thanks Robert Louis Stevenson, Yes, son of a bit.

538
00:47:07.039 --> 00:47:14.079
Yeah, it really us with that. Yeah, here's the deal. Probably

539
00:47:14.119 --> 00:47:21.440
not any buried treasure from Blackbeard.
As the cargo that he plundered was fenced.

540
00:47:21.760 --> 00:47:24.159
He would get it and then he
would sell it, sell it off

541
00:47:24.199 --> 00:47:28.840
to get the money for it.
Yeah. Keeping in mind, um,

542
00:47:29.599 --> 00:47:36.039
take for example, the French frigate
that he captured. He outfitted that thing

543
00:47:36.360 --> 00:47:39.719
with guns not cheap, hard to
come by, but he did it.

544
00:47:40.119 --> 00:47:45.000
He had to invent new math ten
extra guns what um. You know,

545
00:47:45.079 --> 00:47:50.280
so like piracy is is also expensive. He has to pay his you know.

546
00:47:50.360 --> 00:47:53.039
Like so there's this this belief that
like, oh I took a chest

547
00:47:53.039 --> 00:47:57.159
off the ship, I'll just put
it below decks and and I'll just sit

548
00:47:57.239 --> 00:48:02.159
there. It's it's it's a tough
business. Yeah, yeah, it ain't

549
00:48:02.199 --> 00:48:08.880
no game dog. Although it is
said that he told someone once, only

550
00:48:08.920 --> 00:48:13.440
the devil and I know the whereabouts
of my treasure, and the one of

551
00:48:13.519 --> 00:48:16.280
us who lives longest should take it
all. Yeah, so you know,

552
00:48:16.440 --> 00:48:20.880
I mean, you know, who
knows what that could be. Maybe it

553
00:48:20.920 --> 00:48:24.639
was peace, it was all it
said. Oh again, a lot of

554
00:48:24.679 --> 00:48:30.920
mileage out of that song. How
about how about him swimming after death,

555
00:48:30.320 --> 00:48:35.440
swimming around the ship three times?
Totally true? Totally true? Or you

556
00:48:35.440 --> 00:48:38.760
know what. The scientific explanation is
that in that part of the country there

557
00:48:38.760 --> 00:48:44.519
are manatees. His body fell upon
the manatee, the manatee got confused and

558
00:48:44.559 --> 00:48:50.880
just did three laps, right,
or he had eaten a whole bunch of

559
00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:54.239
like alka Seltzer, and so his
you know, he's just kind of like,

560
00:48:58.039 --> 00:49:05.079
you know, that could happen too. His pre battle ritual was just

561
00:49:05.480 --> 00:49:12.480
ingesting boxes of Alca siltzon. It's
right, it's right, is PEPs Back

562
00:49:12.519 --> 00:49:19.880
then it was called um uh pirate
Seltzer, pirate PEPs um. Yeah,

563
00:49:19.920 --> 00:49:23.760
I mean, I'm sure. I
mean, people are gonna make up he's

564
00:49:23.840 --> 00:49:30.199
oh yeah, that's a boogeyman legend. Maynard did report that the body had

565
00:49:30.239 --> 00:49:36.119
twenty sword cuts and five gunshot wounds, though, so well, they pounced

566
00:49:36.119 --> 00:49:38.719
on him after they killed him,
and everyone wants to be the guy who

567
00:49:38.920 --> 00:49:44.360
killed black Beard, so they're all
gonna do their thing. Although you know,

568
00:49:44.400 --> 00:49:47.199
it's it is entirely possible. He
took a lot of damage before he

569
00:49:47.239 --> 00:49:52.280
finally fell. But again, you
know, you never know legends. How

570
00:49:52.280 --> 00:49:55.199
about the success that he had as
a pirate. Everybody thinks, man,

571
00:49:55.239 --> 00:50:00.199
it's Blackbeard. He's he's just raping
and pillaging the whole see there, right,

572
00:50:00.320 --> 00:50:05.039
I mean, he was he was
a businessman. He was a good

573
00:50:05.039 --> 00:50:08.559
at it, he was he was
successful. Yeah, but he was nowhere

574
00:50:08.639 --> 00:50:17.320
near the likes of Henry Avery or
Black Bart Roberts, who plundered tons of

575
00:50:17.360 --> 00:50:22.320
ships. Uh. And then for
avery, he just he hit one that

576
00:50:22.400 --> 00:50:29.440
was just worth a ton. Yeah. And and black Beard just never he

577
00:50:29.559 --> 00:50:32.119
did a lot. He in in, he captured and plundered, but it

578
00:50:32.199 --> 00:50:36.519
was never like set for life kind
of stuff. Right. Yeah, he

579
00:50:36.559 --> 00:50:39.840
was a he was a workingman's pirate. Yeah. Yeah, he paid the

580
00:50:39.840 --> 00:50:44.440
bills with his stuff. But but
poor ye I never saved up unless he

581
00:50:44.519 --> 00:50:49.440
did so. He was successful,
but he was not anywhere near the most

582
00:50:49.480 --> 00:50:55.440
successful pirate, uh, the most
famous pirate, I would I would agree

583
00:50:55.480 --> 00:50:59.960
with that. I would say black
Beard is up there. Um his blood

584
00:51:00.079 --> 00:51:07.320
thirstiness, as we've said before before
his last stand there on the Maynard ship.

585
00:51:07.719 --> 00:51:12.760
It's unclear if he even killed one
person. Yeah, in his in

586
00:51:12.840 --> 00:51:16.960
his career, which is completely I
think it's the most interesting aspect of this.

587
00:51:17.280 --> 00:51:22.760
Yeah, he was, he played
a smarter game and was successful at

588
00:51:22.760 --> 00:51:24.840
it. Yeah, he didn't have
to and knew that it was probably better

589
00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:30.159
that he didn't. Yeah. He
created this this mythological character that people were

590
00:51:30.800 --> 00:51:36.079
afraid of, and when they saw
him bearing down were more likely to believe

591
00:51:36.079 --> 00:51:38.599
the stories and and just you know, give it up or or after a

592
00:51:38.679 --> 00:51:44.039
very brief exchange, and you got
to wonder if he had some kind of

593
00:51:44.159 --> 00:51:46.920
personal code too, where it's like, you know, not so much mercy

594
00:51:47.039 --> 00:51:51.679
as like, well this is this
is business. Yeah, and I think

595
00:51:51.679 --> 00:51:53.320
there's no need to kill. I'd
be willing to bet that's part of the

596
00:51:54.159 --> 00:51:58.559
friction he had with his crew.
Yeah, exactly. Um. There are

597
00:51:58.599 --> 00:52:04.760
stories of unexplained light at sea that
are some called sometimes called teaches light as

598
00:52:04.800 --> 00:52:09.199
he searches his head around the sea. Hold on, just give me a

599
00:52:09.239 --> 00:52:14.039
second here, let me just go
down the menu here. I don't I

600
00:52:14.039 --> 00:52:20.519
don't need any I don't want a
great laugh, great leaveser. That's burning

601
00:52:20.599 --> 00:52:22.920
cheese, that looks good. I
was like, no, I don't even

602
00:52:22.920 --> 00:52:29.760
have want a hero right now.
Aliens could be I guess could be.

603
00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:37.519
Yeah, he was empowered by aliens. The aliens will continue searching for his

604
00:52:37.639 --> 00:52:39.880
head. That's right, that's right, that's all they want. Well,

605
00:52:39.920 --> 00:52:45.840
it was said he keep probing acids
until they find it. Shove it up

606
00:52:45.880 --> 00:52:52.639
your r um. He searches for
his head so that his friends and the

607
00:52:52.719 --> 00:52:58.800
devil will recognize him. That's that's
very kind of him. Anyway, That

608
00:52:59.400 --> 00:53:08.199
dear friend is Blackbeard in a nutshell, rounded by smoke and uh, lots

609
00:53:08.199 --> 00:53:15.000
of black hairs and horse and some
rum. That's right, little medicine.

610
00:53:16.360 --> 00:53:22.440
Interesting fellow, Yeah aho AHOI bos
in flora? Oh three three points off

611
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:29.079
the starboard deck, Oh, bearing
in on us? Wait wait, let

612
00:53:29.119 --> 00:53:37.679
me let me do my bows and
whistle. Uh pounds a high. Boy.

613
00:53:37.800 --> 00:53:42.239
You just you really didn't sound like
your heart was in it. I'm

614
00:53:42.320 --> 00:53:47.039
in it. You're right, you're
right. Ahi. Three points off to

615
00:53:47.159 --> 00:53:52.440
starboard deck, pass and flora.
I see it barren down on us herd

616
00:53:53.480 --> 00:54:01.679
pounds a high. There you go. That's that's what she deserved. Good.

617
00:54:02.760 --> 00:54:07.039
We got puns. We got some
puns, that's right. Who wants

618
00:54:07.119 --> 00:54:09.880
to start? You do? Okay, so you won't steal it from me?

619
00:54:10.239 --> 00:54:15.239
I have I have a pub,
oh yeah, exclusively serving stouts,

620
00:54:15.719 --> 00:54:22.400
uh huh and maybe maybe some dark
loggers in there. Um amber stuff.

621
00:54:22.519 --> 00:54:29.119
But that's the lightest they get.
It's it's mostly mostly stouts. Black beard

622
00:54:30.719 --> 00:54:35.639
with an apostrophe, yes, apostrophe
d Yeah, all right, got one?

623
00:54:35.639 --> 00:54:38.599
I going for you, you know. Um. In the years before

624
00:54:38.760 --> 00:54:45.400
he decided that piracy was something that
was worth pursuing, Stead used his family's

625
00:54:45.519 --> 00:54:50.880
money to pursue more intellectual pursuits.
And he tried, although no one was

626
00:54:50.920 --> 00:54:53.519
really interested, tried to get a
dance program going in the West Indies.

627
00:54:54.079 --> 00:55:00.159
It was the stead Ballet. They
danced and no one cared. Do you

628
00:55:00.159 --> 00:55:04.840
think when the French people wanted to
rile them up they would call them instead

629
00:55:04.920 --> 00:55:10.800
money? All right, I've got
an interesting place. It's it's it's a

630
00:55:10.800 --> 00:55:17.719
place that's just dedicated to um vaccinations. Immunizations, that's that's perfect. People

631
00:55:17.840 --> 00:55:22.079
eat those and this is an one
stop shop. You can go and get

632
00:55:22.119 --> 00:55:25.440
your shots there. But that's all
they do. Oh, that's all they

633
00:55:25.480 --> 00:55:29.960
do. And um it's run.
It was it was run by a bunch

634
00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:34.679
of French people, but now it's
just run by some dirty, dirty people

635
00:55:34.920 --> 00:55:40.639
that have missing teeth and like rum, yeah, it's called Queen Anne's Syringe.

636
00:55:42.519 --> 00:55:46.760
Oh nice. You know, if
you're if you're out to see and

637
00:55:47.079 --> 00:55:51.000
I am, you know, you
get a little chest cold or something like

638
00:55:51.039 --> 00:55:53.760
that, and here you can't even
you can't even bark orders to your crew

639
00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:58.880
because you're coughing too much. You
know, maybe you need Queen Anne's laws.

640
00:55:58.920 --> 00:56:07.079
Ange. Yeah, we got real
close close enough to board each other.

641
00:56:09.239 --> 00:56:13.360
I had my my crew hidden below
deck. That's right, yeah you

642
00:56:13.400 --> 00:56:27.599
did. And the battle cry as
they stormed up the gang plane. All

643
00:56:27.719 --> 00:56:30.519
right, here we go. H. First of all, welcome to blurry

644
00:56:30.559 --> 00:56:37.679
photos. Uh, new writers,
fun time listeners. Don't Achille and Timon

645
00:56:37.760 --> 00:56:44.119
They are Canadians, which instantly makes
me love them. And um, Achille

646
00:56:44.239 --> 00:56:49.239
is one of those hot Canadian ladies
I've been so interested in meeting. Well

647
00:56:49.360 --> 00:56:52.400
there you go, m H.
Time and I assume you to be a

648
00:56:52.400 --> 00:56:57.239
hot Canadian gentleman. But I'm afraid
Achilles at the top of the list.

649
00:56:57.840 --> 00:57:04.880
Sorry Timon, m H. And
they've got just a ton of cool Canadian

650
00:57:05.000 --> 00:57:10.760
lore and interesting stuff about mystery lights
and aircraft and uh, some amazing information

651
00:57:10.800 --> 00:57:15.599
about some sky phenomena in Canada.
Um, the cool thing about the broken

652
00:57:15.719 --> 00:57:20.960
arrow, the bomb that we accidentally
dropped in British Columbia. Whoops a daisy.

653
00:57:21.320 --> 00:57:23.519
Um, just really cool stuff.
But you know what they've also delivered,

654
00:57:23.880 --> 00:57:32.039
what a rich slathering of the freshest
pun poutine that Canada has ever handed

655
00:57:32.119 --> 00:57:37.199
us. Give me that gravy.
You're gonna get it. Kurds and gravy.

656
00:57:38.719 --> 00:57:43.800
And now a reading from the Book
of Achillean Timon. I love this

657
00:57:43.880 --> 00:57:45.679
book. I hope I'm saying Achille
write, I think I am. I

658
00:57:45.679 --> 00:57:50.239
don't know. I hope there was
included phonetic information for time in which I

659
00:57:50.280 --> 00:57:54.960
appreciate. We hope we say every
every work. Yeah, no, shit,

660
00:57:57.320 --> 00:58:00.719
I can't go back in the penalty
box. I won't go back in.

661
00:58:02.599 --> 00:58:07.199
He made me do things you haven't
been in the new one, dude.

662
00:58:07.320 --> 00:58:08.639
Oh man, the new one.
You don't know the stinch of the

663
00:58:08.719 --> 00:58:13.960
new box. Oh wait a minute, they built a better mass trap,

664
00:58:14.039 --> 00:58:17.880
they did. Okay, back to
puns reading the Dark Knight Satellite. Let

665
00:58:17.960 --> 00:58:22.599
us to the Dark Knight Satellite episode. Let us to wonder if you've seen

666
00:58:22.639 --> 00:58:27.639
the Hubble satellite images of Mars.
They're They're in exceptional detail. The moons

667
00:58:27.639 --> 00:58:30.920
of Mars. Phobos and Demos are
another story name for two sons of Mars,

668
00:58:30.960 --> 00:58:35.519
Fear and Dread. They're very fast
moving. This makes them difficult to

669
00:58:35.519 --> 00:58:38.480
photograph. They're thought to be captured
asteroids, but it's difficult to find good

670
00:58:38.519 --> 00:58:44.480
images of them if you have to
settle for lower image quality images of blurry

671
00:58:44.559 --> 00:58:57.400
phobos. Oh you, that's her
name. I learned about them from Doom.

672
00:58:57.440 --> 00:58:59.880
I've played those games, but I
don't read any of the tech.

673
00:59:00.400 --> 00:59:01.599
I'm like, where's the thing I
shoot at? That's what I do.

674
00:59:02.039 --> 00:59:07.760
Yeah, happened. I mean,
I make those games dumber. That's how

675
00:59:07.840 --> 00:59:12.159
I do. Um. Oh,
here's a couple of pounds. Now,

676
00:59:12.199 --> 00:59:14.880
I mean, Flora, You're welcome
to get in the car, but these

677
00:59:14.960 --> 00:59:19.440
pounds are just for me. Oh
okay, I'll just sit in the back

678
00:59:20.199 --> 00:59:25.119
trying out to puke. Uh,
try harder, okay. Oh k Island.

679
00:59:25.559 --> 00:59:30.199
There's a little known but promising excavation
that stalled when had uncovered a layer

680
00:59:30.239 --> 00:59:32.400
of sand. When the heavy equipment
was brought in, However, the notoriously

681
00:59:32.440 --> 00:59:37.679
difficult geology the island resulted into collapse
of other sides of the new pit and

682
00:59:37.760 --> 00:59:39.239
the loss of some of the equipment. No one was hurt, but the

683
00:59:39.320 --> 00:59:43.880
crane they were using was buried almost
completely. Giving up, the group left

684
00:59:43.920 --> 00:59:45.920
the site the way it was Today, the remains of the site have become

685
00:59:45.960 --> 00:59:50.800
a useful landmark for surveyors and anyone
else trying to find their way around the

686
00:59:50.840 --> 00:59:58.039
island. It's known as Crane sand
Hill. Oh, I love it.

687
00:59:58.760 --> 01:00:02.360
That was good. That a lot
it is for you. I kind of

688
01:00:02.440 --> 01:00:06.360
like all this is written. It's
also it's kind of written like a stand

689
01:00:06.440 --> 01:00:12.199
up routine. So Illuminati gets here
about this. It's really hard to get

690
01:00:12.199 --> 01:00:15.719
your hand. It's really hard to
get your hands. And the names and

691
01:00:15.719 --> 01:00:20.239
the lesser families. Well, when
I stumbled onto something, whatever the weird

692
01:00:20.320 --> 01:00:22.480
things are going you get them.
I can't do that forever. Sorry,

693
01:00:22.480 --> 01:00:27.800
I can't do that and read.
I can barely just read. Then I

694
01:00:27.880 --> 01:00:32.159
stumbled onto something wherever weird things are
going on, you get debunkers truth,

695
01:00:34.000 --> 01:00:37.199
and they're obviously working for the Illuminati, since they'd only trust their own.

696
01:00:37.320 --> 01:00:39.760
But you wouldn't necessarily get the Getties
or Rothchild's doing this sort of thing.

697
01:00:40.239 --> 01:00:45.280
I found reference to a debunker who
had distinctive sunglasses or tinted glasses pink or

698
01:00:45.360 --> 01:00:49.280
red in color, who wrote a
number of articles and other material on the

699
01:00:49.320 --> 01:00:52.360
subject. The guy's age your appearance
is less agreed upon, although leading us

700
01:00:52.360 --> 01:00:57.760
to suspect that this is multiple individuals
acting under the same name. Clever Girl.

701
01:00:59.480 --> 01:01:01.280
The first name is Samuel, which
may have a connection to the last

702
01:01:01.320 --> 01:01:05.280
of the Hebrew judges and the first
prophets who annointed the first two kings of

703
01:01:05.360 --> 01:01:08.639
Israel. Saul and David who pack
a lunch. We are going on a

704
01:01:08.719 --> 01:01:14.159
trip here. That can't just be
a coincidence. The last name seems to

705
01:01:14.199 --> 01:01:16.920
be a smokescreen though a hyphenation of
common family names. And in this book

706
01:01:17.199 --> 01:01:22.679
the guy who tried to make himself
seem less elite by abbreviating his first name

707
01:01:22.719 --> 01:01:25.800
to sam Oh. The book is
the final word on the Illuminati and other

708
01:01:25.880 --> 01:01:31.719
invertebrate foolishness by Sam Hilcrane. You're
just gonna keep hitting the midsection on that

709
01:01:32.000 --> 01:01:40.800
that that fin sand Hill Crane body
blow. You know. Time had also

710
01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:45.239
heard that Sam Hilcrane wrote a blurb
for the upcoming book by David Ike Reptiles

711
01:01:45.280 --> 01:01:52.679
Reptiles Reptiles. But if ast will
deny everything insistent was a misidentification? Who

712
01:01:52.519 --> 01:01:57.079
is he? Did? They want
to know? Is there any truth to

713
01:01:57.079 --> 01:02:00.800
the rumors that Diggie Toots is planning
to collaborate with Rasputin's protege, the well

714
01:02:00.840 --> 01:02:07.320
known hot Wicken burning rhymes. Maybe
you know we got uh get some plans

715
01:02:07.360 --> 01:02:12.679
for real Diggy Toots and that's right, and uh, last, but most

716
01:02:12.679 --> 01:02:15.920
certainly not least, did you know
about there's a type of wee folk,

717
01:02:15.199 --> 01:02:20.960
known mostly to annoy tourists by selling
them handmade arts and crafts of miscellaneous junk.

718
01:02:21.599 --> 01:02:23.039
Oh they see they know you've seen
this. You heard about this.

719
01:02:23.559 --> 01:02:25.960
Yeah, that's in there. They
wrote it in. They seem to be

720
01:02:27.239 --> 01:02:30.400
seely folks, sometimes spotted at small
kiosks and your busy harbors especially, and

721
01:02:30.519 --> 01:02:40.360
sometimes these she sidh she sells seashells
by the seashore. Wow. Oh boom,

722
01:02:40.440 --> 01:02:44.239
that was for you, Flora.
Oh yeah, that hit you right

723
01:02:44.280 --> 01:02:52.039
in the pun. Stop stop many
things and apologies and uh I like that.

724
01:02:52.199 --> 01:02:59.280
They're they're sign off here uh time
and an achille your guru's canadensis,

725
01:02:59.559 --> 01:03:04.559
which is hilarious because the genus and
species of the sandhill crane is a gross

726
01:03:05.000 --> 01:03:09.280
canadensis. Oh deep research. Wow, that was thorough, very thorough.

727
01:03:09.760 --> 01:03:15.400
Thank you for the reading. Yes, thank you Canadians, our lovely neighbors

728
01:03:15.480 --> 01:03:20.119
to the north. Beautiful. Yes. After applying dropcloths to the floor and

729
01:03:20.360 --> 01:03:24.679
using three M blue non stick adhesive
tape to tape off any corners you don't

730
01:03:24.719 --> 01:03:31.400
want to be coated, you're almost
ready for Peyton Bob. Peyton bob.

731
01:03:31.559 --> 01:03:36.639
Peyton Peyton bob always a pleasure,
sir, How the hell are you?

732
01:03:37.239 --> 01:03:39.440
You spend a lot of time listening
to our podcast, and I love that.

733
01:03:39.559 --> 01:03:43.119
There's one of the most endearing things
that could happen. Yeah, it's

734
01:03:43.159 --> 01:03:45.440
amazing. Peyton Bob hits us up
with this. He was out in the

735
01:03:45.480 --> 01:03:49.920
scorching sun all day, thirty feet
up in the air. Two things he

736
01:03:50.039 --> 01:03:54.000
learned. One he's no longer the
lean, mean ladder monkey machine that he

737
01:03:54.079 --> 01:04:00.719
once was, no more scrabbling up
and down. Two blurry photos carried him

738
01:04:00.800 --> 01:04:05.639
through this. We paddled you across
the river, sticks of coat dry and

739
01:04:05.800 --> 01:04:12.760
repeat, legs to carry. And
I'll tell you what. If there's a

740
01:04:13.000 --> 01:04:15.519
if there's a lethal dose of our
podcast, you're getting close to it.

741
01:04:15.880 --> 01:04:20.440
Because he's Peyton Bob listened to seven
episodes in a day. If I had

742
01:04:20.480 --> 01:04:25.679
to listen to myself for over seven
hours, which I do, but I

743
01:04:25.800 --> 01:04:30.480
just tuned myself out wolf you.
Thank you, Bob, because you're a

744
01:04:30.559 --> 01:04:34.280
tough son of a bitch. You're
doing the lion's share. Yeah, you're

745
01:04:34.320 --> 01:04:38.840
doing the lord's work. Soon,
you're doing the lord's work. Thanks Bob.

746
01:04:40.039 --> 01:04:45.559
Up next, uh, first email
from a listener, C. F.

747
01:04:45.880 --> 01:04:49.239
Gunderson, Oh, yeah, CF
Gunderson. Is that is that Carol

748
01:04:49.360 --> 01:04:57.559
Francis or or um Charlie Franklin.
It's tough to know what the CF in

749
01:04:57.760 --> 01:05:08.519
CF Gunderson. Anyway, Old CF
Gunderson hits us with a dream story.

750
01:05:08.920 --> 01:05:11.480
When I was a kid, I
used to have a reaccurring nightmare that Freddy

751
01:05:11.559 --> 01:05:15.760
Krueger hit under my bed and would
give me drugs at night by inserting long

752
01:05:15.880 --> 01:05:20.960
needles through my mattress. It was
terrifying. Jesus boie doy, that is

753
01:05:21.280 --> 01:05:26.559
dark and elaborate. Wow. Yeah, didn't he kill somebody kind of that

754
01:05:26.639 --> 01:05:30.119
way? Yeah? Because she had
the like the little mouths on her arm

755
01:05:30.239 --> 01:05:33.360
and he had needlehand. Oh wow, I remember that. Yeah. Can

756
01:05:33.400 --> 01:05:38.920
you imagine, like there are ghost
stories that we have almost read for one

757
01:05:38.960 --> 01:05:43.360
of our ghost story episodes that he's
like somebody laying under the bed and sticking

758
01:05:43.400 --> 01:05:46.519
a knife through the mattress or whatever. Oh man, Yeah, crazy,

759
01:05:46.760 --> 01:05:51.480
Yeah, that's sorry CF. Yeah, geez, I hope to hear more

760
01:05:51.719 --> 01:06:02.000
from CF Gunderson. That's Charlie Foxtrot
Gunderson for all your Underson needs. Do

761
01:06:02.079 --> 01:06:05.840
you think that's CF stands for Flora? We all probably corn flakes Oh good,

762
01:06:05.880 --> 01:06:14.599
call corn flakes, Gunderson. Moving
on and now for the result.

763
01:06:14.800 --> 01:06:19.559
Is the third week of the thing
with the resulting results that have resulted from

764
01:06:19.599 --> 01:06:27.559
the tabulation of yours of your resulting
votes, votes, vaults, voltage,

765
01:06:27.800 --> 01:06:34.440
voltaic vaulting, Oh, resistors and
that sounds like, Yeah, let's recap

766
01:06:34.760 --> 01:06:41.599
Week three. Yes, miscrypted contest
twenty fourteen, twenty fourteen. The year

767
01:06:41.960 --> 01:06:46.599
is twenty fourteen. The contest is
miscrypted. The contestants for week three were

768
01:06:47.159 --> 01:06:55.000
the Manticore, the Incan Yambo,
and the New Orleans Grunge. Y'all you

769
01:06:55.119 --> 01:06:58.360
have to say, y'all grunch y'all, Yeah, it's like the Canadian a

770
01:06:58.960 --> 01:07:05.480
for Orleans. We'll also accept me
okay, and uh and and I'm impartial

771
01:07:05.559 --> 01:07:10.880
to CA. Yeah, well I
like that one. All right? The

772
01:07:10.960 --> 01:07:14.679
winner? Wait, wait, I
have to you know what you even knew,

773
01:07:14.800 --> 01:07:16.079
You even knew I was gonna stop
you. If I hadn't said anything,

774
01:07:16.119 --> 01:07:19.400
you would have just trailed off,
son of a bitch. You got

775
01:07:19.519 --> 01:07:27.599
my number, David Flora. Okay, the guess. The guess is take

776
01:07:27.679 --> 01:07:30.400
us through the decision like like they
do really awkwardly on all those quiz shows

777
01:07:30.519 --> 01:07:38.400
that people do really awkwardly yeah on
TV boy. Uh, let's see in

778
01:07:39.159 --> 01:07:45.639
our first up, I'm bad at
recapping, but we got the manticora body

779
01:07:45.719 --> 01:07:53.599
of a red lion, face of
a human um alternatively ended scorpion tale either

780
01:07:53.719 --> 01:07:57.599
with the standard telson which is the
name of the stinger on a scorpion tale.

781
01:07:57.760 --> 01:08:02.480
Look at that week, or a
little tuft of razor barbs that it

782
01:08:02.559 --> 01:08:08.599
can whip at your face yep,
because it hates your face. Or we

783
01:08:08.719 --> 01:08:14.800
have the uh, the New Orleans
Grunch, which is uh, friend and

784
01:08:14.960 --> 01:08:19.680
cousin and perhaps political ally of the
chupicabra. Correct sounds like a New Orleans

785
01:08:19.720 --> 01:08:23.960
chupicabra. Let's just boil that down, all right. Uh. And the

786
01:08:24.039 --> 01:08:29.159
third one was the Incan yamba,
which is a South African water viper or

787
01:08:29.439 --> 01:08:33.520
giant snake of sorts. Please your
sore that flies maybe yeah, exactly,

788
01:08:33.520 --> 01:08:40.479
a flying please or just a really
great photoshop. Wait it controls thunder and

789
01:08:40.560 --> 01:08:48.880
lightning and flies and it's a pleasia
thor and oh nice. Uh okay,

790
01:08:48.960 --> 01:08:54.880
So let me break down my process
here. The name New Orleans Grunch tons

791
01:08:54.920 --> 01:08:59.720
of fun, sure, but I
feel like it's a rebranding. I feel

792
01:08:59.720 --> 01:09:03.119
like it's a rebranding. It's it's
it's the it's the Chipacabra trying to like

793
01:09:03.319 --> 01:09:09.279
shake off its country roots. It's
it's the the Chupacabra scream egg. Yes,

794
01:09:09.800 --> 01:09:15.279
Chupacabra presents Cadbury Scream Egg. You
there is. Honestly, every time

795
01:09:15.359 --> 01:09:17.079
we do candy chat, which we
don't do. We have our friends do,

796
01:09:17.359 --> 01:09:23.560
right. But when I watched the
video footage of of Port and Tabitha

797
01:09:23.640 --> 01:09:29.359
and Betty, I see Tabitha trying
to eat all those Cadbury scream eggs,

798
01:09:29.680 --> 01:09:33.800
and I feel bad every single time. It was one of the saddest things

799
01:09:33.840 --> 01:09:36.840
I've ever seen in my life,
which I mean which means I'm probably leaving

800
01:09:36.840 --> 01:09:48.520
a pretty good life just to watch. Somebody also saves fasting in Eddie Hoodley

801
01:09:48.640 --> 01:09:54.399
Ding Dangs now as your grunch uh? And then the Incan Yamba was the

802
01:09:55.319 --> 01:10:00.840
say it again the Pleasa thor Um. I feel like the grunch is a

803
01:10:00.880 --> 01:10:05.520
rebranding. Okay, I'm kind of
like, mm hmmm, seems this one

804
01:10:05.560 --> 01:10:12.479
seems a little made up. That
is a great thing to say uh in

805
01:10:12.840 --> 01:10:16.920
Yamba. It could it could have
come from amble Baby Baby, don't make

806
01:10:16.960 --> 01:10:23.920
a dimble baby, Oh baby,
get you man. We I really should

807
01:10:23.920 --> 01:10:28.439
have counted that because we said it
too much, too much. Uh inc

808
01:10:28.520 --> 01:10:32.000
and yamba cool fun name. This
is a giant snake in or ever or

809
01:10:32.039 --> 01:10:43.880
a population thereof manticore classic and uh
and uh simultaneously being completely absurd, but

810
01:10:44.079 --> 01:10:47.800
uses kind of a fun little piece
of like uh, mimicry. Oh,

811
01:10:47.880 --> 01:10:50.039
we'll put a human face on it. Someone will try to high five in

812
01:10:50.119 --> 01:10:57.399
the tall grass and then it'll get
alternatively telson, stung or faced yeah,

813
01:10:57.479 --> 01:11:00.760
barbed faced to death and then eaten
entirely up, which I think argue is

814
01:11:00.800 --> 01:11:03.760
more for the poison, because it's
like doesn't want to eat its own barbs.

815
01:11:03.800 --> 01:11:06.319
It's like eating your own toe nails. It's a good point. Yeah,

816
01:11:06.560 --> 01:11:10.720
point is, here's here's my good
if you can digest your pumas,

817
01:11:10.760 --> 01:11:15.560
though true, it's not the puma. Actually, you know, panthers don't

818
01:11:15.560 --> 01:11:19.560
even exist. Yeah, I didn't
know that till recently. Panthers don't exist.

819
01:11:19.560 --> 01:11:23.159
There's no such thing as a paint
type of what leopard or something?

820
01:11:23.399 --> 01:11:27.720
Yeah, yeah, there's just just
another coloration or whatever. People. Yeah,

821
01:11:27.880 --> 01:11:33.079
weird. Sorry, Florida hockey fans
and Carolina football fans. Yeah,

822
01:11:34.760 --> 01:11:39.279
yeah, sorry, jungle Book,
Yeah, pooh tough. Everyone's taking a

823
01:11:39.359 --> 01:11:42.760
hit on this podcast. Keep apologizing. I think that it's the Manticor.

824
01:11:42.880 --> 01:11:45.319
I think Manticor is our winner.
Interesting, Okay, yeah, that's what

825
01:11:45.399 --> 01:11:47.600
I think. So because I've had
my finger so far off the pulse,

826
01:11:47.960 --> 01:11:53.840
I've had my finger up the nose
of public opinion. Yeah, you're straying

827
01:11:54.000 --> 01:11:57.880
from from the formula. That's I
know, all right. The winner of

828
01:11:57.960 --> 01:12:03.600
Week three of the twenty fourteen Misscript
Contest, moving on to face, just

829
01:12:03.800 --> 01:12:12.600
say it is. Oh my god. Really, this is what happens when

830
01:12:12.640 --> 01:12:15.960
you watched like American Idol too much. You become what you've just become.

831
01:12:15.159 --> 01:12:24.039
And I know, I'm just slowing
it down yelling blow. I was right.

832
01:12:24.279 --> 01:12:26.920
You are two for three of this
this. Yeah, that's awesome,

833
01:12:27.319 --> 01:12:30.760
and that makes uh, Flora.
That means that you almost by default have

834
01:12:30.920 --> 01:12:36.720
won because last year I won because
more of the cryptans I came up with

835
01:12:36.840 --> 01:12:40.960
were the ones that we're winning,
including the the Ultimate Winner, including the

836
01:12:41.039 --> 01:12:46.640
Ultimate Winner. But this year two
two of our three contestants were listeners submissions.

837
01:12:47.199 --> 01:12:50.159
So thank you all for that.
Thank you, and Manticor was all

838
01:12:50.199 --> 01:12:54.439
you, Yeah, that's a certain
way to go. That's true, manticor

839
01:12:54.520 --> 01:13:00.600
will face Jeff the tucking mongoose and
a squawk and we be little nut sacked.

840
01:13:00.760 --> 01:13:06.000
Yeah, straight up. So that's
what we got. I'll put that

841
01:13:06.119 --> 01:13:10.800
survey up on the site. Um, it's time to crown a winner of

842
01:13:10.960 --> 01:13:15.439
both the twenty fourteen miss scripted contests
correct and of the voting population of the

843
01:13:15.479 --> 01:13:20.119
twenty fourteen script You could win your
very own prize pack, including your replica

844
01:13:20.199 --> 01:13:27.720
Golden Goatman Trophy, as well as
a dibble baby. Don't cut it.

845
01:13:28.159 --> 01:13:31.640
No, nope, if I if
we send you a little dibble baby,

846
01:13:31.840 --> 01:13:36.560
don't set us a picture of you
ritualistically cast right to yet right. First

847
01:13:36.600 --> 01:13:40.439
of all, do you know how
hard it is to find an anatomically correct

848
01:13:41.279 --> 01:13:46.359
We are required to report these sorts
of things to the state the authorities.

849
01:13:46.680 --> 01:13:51.680
So go to blurry photos dot org
homepage cast your vote. You're all set.

850
01:13:51.760 --> 01:13:55.840
This is your last chance to get
in on the action. We need

851
01:13:55.880 --> 01:14:00.479
all the votes we can get.
Last year, Emerson, last year Emerson

852
01:14:00.560 --> 01:14:05.800
one, and it was decided will
he establish a dynasty? It was a

853
01:14:05.960 --> 01:14:12.880
it was a dead heat last year
and and in fact, week three has

854
01:14:12.960 --> 01:14:18.680
been the closest. Yeah, has
been gettencrypted fever. Uh so you wash

855
01:14:18.720 --> 01:14:26.159
your hands after you touch a cryptic. Thanks to everybody for writing in.

856
01:14:26.840 --> 01:14:30.920
Uh, don't forget to go to
blurry photos dot org vote for your favorite

857
01:14:30.039 --> 01:14:34.399
cryptid. Oh and go to blurry
photos dot net. Tell us what's there

858
01:14:34.439 --> 01:14:40.960
because we don't know what there's nothing
there. Uh vote, vote, cast

859
01:14:41.000 --> 01:14:44.399
your vote, go and you know, look through the archives and all that

860
01:14:44.439 --> 01:14:46.680
stuff. There's a donate button there. Hey, oh what hey, hey,

861
01:14:47.520 --> 01:14:51.439
you've got a vote. Click on
a dote, Nate, you can.

862
01:14:53.479 --> 01:14:58.560
You can also find links to Facebook, Twitter, uh, YouTube,

863
01:14:59.800 --> 01:15:05.000
They risis are linked in. We
want to um professionally. We want to

864
01:15:05.600 --> 01:15:12.680
give you a handshake. I want
to make a linked in profile. UM

865
01:15:13.039 --> 01:15:15.520
stumble ponds on their iTunes. You
can go and rate us and give us

866
01:15:15.600 --> 01:15:20.119
a review, yep, of the
five star variety. It would be very

867
01:15:20.279 --> 01:15:25.199
kind of you. And I see
iTunes is like the thirteen hundreds because five

868
01:15:25.319 --> 01:15:31.119
is the highest number. Exactly when
will they update it? Never outfit us

869
01:15:31.159 --> 01:15:34.880
with a with a five starship?
Oh yeah, that we might continue to

870
01:15:35.000 --> 01:15:39.920
sail these digital sees. Yep.
And if you if you got any stories

871
01:15:40.079 --> 01:15:47.279
or dreams to share or oh yeah, erotic or otherwise, or show suggestions.

872
01:15:48.119 --> 01:15:53.079
Go to our contact page on blurred
photos dot org and send it our

873
01:15:53.119 --> 01:15:56.159
way. Yes, please, we
love each and every one of you as

874
01:15:56.239 --> 01:16:01.199
though you are our illegitimate children.
We'll show up like when you're eighteen.

875
01:16:02.600 --> 01:16:09.800
We're good people anyways. For this
episode of Blurry Photos, I have been

876
01:16:10.079 --> 01:16:17.640
David three ship Floortilla and I have
been stead Stecko. Let's go capsure boat

877
01:16:17.760 --> 01:17:01.600
or something Yoho yoho a podcast life
for bye those Venia you're to making have

878
01:17:01.880 --> 01:17:12.560
seats? Oh oh pleaced not being
intimidated by my beard? A him sputin,

879
01:17:13.000 --> 01:17:17.640
Oh your name is well, I'm
Sarah. It's it's nice to meet

880
01:17:17.720 --> 01:17:24.880
you. Um is that some dried
chocolate in your beard? The the is

881
01:17:25.000 --> 01:17:29.920
making have snack on way here at
a little blood sugar. Sarah. Have

882
01:17:30.199 --> 01:17:35.479
you spoken this God? Well,
not not directly. I mean I pray,

883
01:17:35.800 --> 01:17:42.079
but I've hear this. I may
hear this. You pray with a

884
01:17:42.520 --> 01:17:47.079
sputin you see God? You like
robe? Yeah? But yes, I

885
01:17:47.159 --> 01:17:53.600
mean it's it's very nice. It's
I don't know if that's if if that

886
01:17:53.960 --> 01:17:58.800
robe smells or if maybe it's it's
the spar that we're in. But something's

887
01:17:58.880 --> 01:18:02.199
a little wine. Smell of wine
than the man. You like, smell

888
01:18:02.279 --> 01:18:05.359
of wine than man you want to
make smell more than wine than man.

889
01:18:05.439 --> 01:18:13.720
Old goodness, I don't know if
I can handle that. Sarah, you

890
01:18:13.760 --> 01:18:16.399
won't make a wife. Oh no, oh, this is this is going

891
01:18:16.479 --> 01:18:21.279
way too fast. I'm sorry,
I'm I'm just interested in friend. No,

892
01:18:21.560 --> 01:18:26.840
no, no, that's why i'm
here. Fun fact that kill not

893
01:18:27.000 --> 01:18:30.039
to be killed. That's strange.
That is a strange. I don't know

894
01:18:30.119 --> 01:18:36.640
how that's fun either. I want
to what makes them sound? I hope

895
01:18:36.760 --> 01:18:41.279
my hell looks like the time's up? I'm sorry, nice to me,

896
01:18:42.239 --> 01:18:45.000
nice time. No, that's it, we have to go more time.

897
01:18:45.479 --> 01:18:49.279
Oh my goodness. Oh what am
I gonna do? I haven't found anybody?

898
01:18:49.680 --> 01:18:51.680
Who am I gonna go to a
church with? And who am I

899
01:18:51.720 --> 01:18:57.279
gonna we're gonna make chicken salad with? I don't understand, like whin Oh,

900
01:18:57.560 --> 01:19:01.479
who's who's next year? Hello?
Hi, fine evening to your last?

901
01:19:01.640 --> 01:19:05.239
Oh? Oh are you from Ireland? Indeed? I am, indeed

902
01:19:05.279 --> 01:19:10.319
I am. It's so nice to
make your acquaintance. Oh you seem very

903
01:19:10.439 --> 01:19:15.479
nice. My name Sarah. Name's
Jack. Oh that's what my friends call

904
01:19:15.600 --> 01:19:18.239
me, and also the police.
Oh oh okay, okay, nice to

905
01:19:18.319 --> 01:19:26.399
meet you Jack. That is a
lovely Oh that's that's just a lovely blousy

906
01:19:26.840 --> 01:19:30.640
got on in there. Oh,
thank you, thank you. You gotta

907
01:19:30.880 --> 01:19:39.199
I gotta a Taylor loft. It's
probably it's a polyester bland. Bland is

908
01:19:39.359 --> 01:19:44.640
a brand, is it? Hi? O? My? Uh well,

909
01:19:44.720 --> 01:19:46.840
I like your your cloak. There
is that got a w? Money?

910
01:19:47.000 --> 01:19:49.680
Is that what that's it is?
It is a w. It is a

911
01:19:50.520 --> 01:19:58.039
bit of a family heirloom. That
interesting. Okay, okay, involved in

912
01:19:58.159 --> 01:20:02.359
government, my family was. Let's
show myself more the other side of the

913
01:20:02.479 --> 01:20:10.159
clean. Oh that's just such a
fine blow. Tell you well. Thanks,

914
01:20:10.399 --> 01:20:13.239
um, Are you okay? You
seem to have a little trouble breathing?

915
01:20:13.520 --> 01:20:17.039
Oh no, no, I'm fighting
hair fighting hair. I just yeah,

916
01:20:17.119 --> 01:20:20.920
yeah, I get a little distracted
occasionally. Let me ask you a

917
01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:25.479
quick good question, good question now, okay, okay, j fancies startle

918
01:20:26.640 --> 01:20:30.439
ever just walked down the streets and
maybe they did a night and and you

919
01:20:30.600 --> 01:20:33.279
enjoy. Oh what if someone were
to just startle me, frighten me?

920
01:20:33.399 --> 01:20:38.159
For example, I don't think I
would like that. No, perhaps maybe

921
01:20:38.319 --> 01:20:43.159
using a blue fire to the face
or well, of course not a shaky

922
01:20:43.239 --> 01:20:48.119
grab for the old Chester haroo.
I beg your pardon. What kind of

923
01:20:48.199 --> 01:20:50.319
you kind of get up here?
We haven't even heard the bell. No,

924
01:20:51.920 --> 01:20:56.359
there's the bell, so thanks,
but no things. I mean,

925
01:20:56.399 --> 01:20:58.760
if you think you can get away, I think I've got to away.

926
01:20:58.800 --> 01:21:01.079
A bit of a trick up me. Older pats leave as they say.

927
01:21:01.920 --> 01:21:05.960
I don't know, please, next
person, Thank you, next person,

928
01:21:06.119 --> 01:21:13.720
then good evening to you. Anything
good find find I thought I had it

929
01:21:13.880 --> 01:21:17.680
in the bag. I can't believe
what where? Who? Where? Where

930
01:21:17.760 --> 01:21:19.680
do they find these things? All
right,