Made a decision. Face sunny, so I had a right. So what's
up? Everybody? There? Goes Kaylin out the door. Kaylin went to
go. Your guys are getting a peek behind the curtain. Kaylyn went to
go get some water. And we're like, where's our dad going? I
know we're flying solo right now. Who's manning the ship? Who's driving us?
Are we gonna land? Okay? Why don't we know the bake a
break? We're on the autopark. There's no clock, I can't I don't
know what time, and it's the time to take a break. We're like,
okay, we're just gonna take a break. Kayl we took a break
early, just to get it out of the way, right. He's like,
I'm just going down the street to get water. I'll be right back.
Oh my gosh. Okay, you know what, Let's say hi to
our fun fabulous Patreon subscribers. You two, by the way, for twenty
five dollars a month, you get a shout out on that right on every
show, not just once a week, every single show, you're gonna hear
your name and we'll say something funny to get along with you. You don't
know what we're gonna be. Might we might call you the C word,
you know. I like Jennifer Falls, Sarah Stefano bitch, she's nice.
Yeah, we love all We love all you guys. Leslie, come on,
accept her. I don't like her. I mean her, go go
to a TV clinic already. I'm kidd Alicia Aaron, Who is Amy?
Well she's that's such a nice. Kelly brand is your like your aunt?
She'll give you a mentos or right? Not a count Rebecca. We should
just go through. Rebecca Lubin. No, yes, oh my god,
we're offending so many people. Missy and Gabby count Oh yeah. Katerina Mueller
not a no, nope. Valerie Fenwick, she hits it out of the
park. Yeah, she can't be. She's a goat. Polly, you
love your pancakes at the youa. We love your dancing. Elizabeth Williamson,
all your kids, they're awesome. Stephanie Stinker Rinker Um and Krista get this
strap and Hero is great and not a cut. I don't feel like he
would appreciate being if he was one. He's like, I don't want to
know. I'll tell you. Rita, you're awesome. Yeah, Jacob,
same as your chic is Fucke and ulysses. You get an exclamation point next
for your name. That's right, love all you guys. Yep, thanks
for the support. So you had a fundraiser over the weekend that I didn't
go. Yeah, okay, so Lynnette was gonna come to this fundraiser,
but you know what, girl had a busy weekend. You were already a
little overwhelmed, and you were talking about, um, the love is Blind
thing, and I was like, but you're also coming to the fundraiser and
you're like, uh no, I got my mixed and weekends mixed up.
Yeah, so no problem, no problem. Amo. As you would say,
I took Robin Robin. Now two things that I had to look nice
for this end. You know, a busy weekend. I did have a
busy weekend. One thing to know about me is like I'm I'm and I
think you are the same, even though I would say you have had to
had to lead a little more of the celebrity life and had to dress up
for things, probably more on the regular, And I would say I have
two, but I still feel like I'm in. I still feel very much
like I'm in high school, like I don't. Yeah, yeah, And
also full disclosure, I want to say I gained a bunch of weight over
COVID, but that's not even really true because I after COVID, I still
was continuing to gain weight. I just never steph you look look the same.
I have gained a lot of weight. It doesn't matter cancer at my
age, it doesn't really matter. I'm not even like whatever. The problem
is just that my clothes don't fit. And I know what you're thinking,
newm and yes, I should really, I should really do stay about it
and get motivated, and I will. And I've been trying back off the
sugar as of like good four days ago, I'm trying, but as of
right now, I'm still in enough denial that I've only bought a few things
that are like I've bought just enough to get by so that I don't have
a complete panic attack when I have to dress nice, because it just sucks
to have to buy clothes. And like everybody understood, everybody who struggles with
their weight knows about when you're like, oh, I'm buying clothes that are
two or three sizes larger than I would normally buy them, and that doesn't
feel good, and you get real in denial where you're like, well,
I'm only gonna wear this once and then I'm gonna be skinny again, so
this could be a waste. And then you're like, not only am I
wearing it, but it's getting tight. So that's where I was. Literally
I bought some clothes, like you know, and you know what really did
me in writing the book? I get it. Writing is like NonStop anxiety
where every time I've had like a production job, I get fat every time
because all I do is eat craft services. I'm just always munching on something
and you're busy and you just don't think about what you're putting in your mouth
and you're just like, oh, I'm kind of hungry. I'll eat this
ore and cookie there. Yeah, And that's how I gained weight when I
was like literally like nineteen or twenty and I worked at my first office job
and I wasn't working out or you know, your metabolism slows down a bit
after high school, and I was like every I thought I could just keep
eating the same way. So like every like coffee break or whatever, people
would go have a cigarette. I'd go to the vending machine. You know,
I have a candy bar have this. Anyway, when I let myself
go, I let myself go and then I get it back together and I
start going at the gym and blah blah blah anyway, like oh, as
soon as I see like dressy attire, I get like, shit, yeah,
what does that mean? What am I? Because I just want to
wear jeans and a baggy jacket or something, you know what I mean.
I don't want to be like pants, right, I know pants? I
know. Well, like Sunday we had to dress up for the Love Is
Blind thing and they're like, no jeans, and I'm but I'm at my
condo and I don't have anything but jeans or sweatpants and yoga pants. That's
about it. So it didn't matter at all. Who cared. They wasn't
even on camera anyway, it didn't matter. And then I do get that
like where I'm like, oh, I gotta be a rule follower. And
then I thought about this with the fundraiser. I was like, Okay,
they want like dressy formal attire. But it was at Laura Numerov's house,
the writer of If You Give Them Ause a Cookie, So it was for
the foundation that joined our village. So how did you you met her?
Because she so I met her at book book signing with Laura Calfcart Robins and
I was presenting Laura doing a reading and a book signing, and then Laura
came over to me and was like, I'm a fan of yours. And
then she said I wrote the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie?
And I was like, bitch you Lyon and she was like no, seriously,
like I wrote that book. And I was like, oh my god,
I'm fan girling right now. It's crazy, Like my kids are going
to freak out. I was like, what if you give a pig a
pancake? If you give a musa muffin? Like, I've read all the
books, remember I told you. She was like, well, I've written
forty of them. And I was like, well, I've read a lot
of them, right right. So so then her the person she's doing all
this work for this foundation that is building libraries in Africa. I love children.
It's so interesting. It's such a cooling. And so they were saying
that they were doing like a gala. I've never been clear in people are
going to correct me if it's gala or gala, but somebody told me that
it could be said either way. That's what I would think now. I
think salve can also be pronounced save or salve, right, And I think
tournament could be pronounced tournament or tournament, tournament, tournament, tournament. Anyway,
I was at this gala. So I got invited to the gala.
And where was it at? It was at Laura's house. You know a
lot of Laura's by the way, Laura knumerof It was at the author of
If You Give the Mouse, So cookie was at her house, okay,
and it was so cute. She had done these like um big banquet,
like the big round tables, like at a regular gala. But in her
backyard it was freaking freezing. So I have been cold ad all weekend.
So I wore this kind of a thin jacket. I have a picture of
it. I think we posted it on the Facebook group, but I'll post
the picture on our Instagram, Yeah, and then we'll post the picture of
us at Love is Blind. Lots of Instagram pictures to post. But anyway,
so we get there and it's outside and it's like kind of up in
the hills in the Hollywood hills and it is cold, and Robin, well,
Robin brought like a little coat and there's these heat lamps, but you
know there's certain heat leaves that we're not giving off good heat, right,
so we were cold like immediately. Yeah. And for me, like you
know, I don't drink right, So it's like these things always seem like
a good idea. I know. It's just like the love is blind right,
my eyes gettinggger than my stomach, where I'm like, oh, something
to do, and I'm gonna go and that's gonna be cool. But then
I get there and like everyone's at the bar getting a drink and then there's
they had a cotton candy machine and like that's so cool, but like you're
not eating sugar. So I was just like, huh okay, here I
am. Yeah, but I did. I met this writer. Her name's
Jen jen Man, and she wrote this book People, I'd like to Punch
in the throat. Oh I love this regally funny and she was a blogger
like way back when I used to be like a blogger. We should actually
have her as a guest. She doesn't live out here, though, maybe
we can zoom her in when we learn that technology. But anyway, she's
friends with Laura Numerov and Laura Cathcart Robins was there too, Okay, she
was at Laura's and Cecil's. I have two cecilies. Yeah, yeah,
anyway, so it was really nice and like, um, and like maybe
maybe they'll listen to this episode and if so, that's fine. I don't
think they'll be mad at me for this. But um, one thing I
noticed, and I was telling you this, was like they were not very
good at asking for money. Well that's kind of a thing like that.
Well that's kind of the important thing. It's the point. That is the
point. I was like, why are these people not asking us for money?
Right that you're so supposed to ask for money? Like and I think
all the people there would have gladly like given whatever they I think they did
make a lot, but they could have made more if they were just like
a little bit more aggressive about it. So for instance, like you in
charge, totally, Yeah, you would have been good. I would have
been in people's faces to do a fundraiser. That would be fun. We
should let's do that. We could totally do that. We could do it
at Wilman Frieda's. Yeah, like for a good cause. Yeah, let's
do that, Okay, wanting to do something like that, let's think of
let's all right maybe for like me, for like a couch. A little
joke. So I was because this thing is really cool. But at one
point, like they were talking about what happens to kids in Africa that drop
out of school, and you know, it's very serious, like a lot
of these kids don't have access to education, they don't have access to books,
they don't have they don't have anything. They live in like abject poverty,
right, you know what it's like you think about we're all sitting around
this, Yes we're cold, but we're out of poverty, eating salmon and
listening to them talk about this, and you know, they were just saying
a lot of these kids, like they don't have books to read, they
don't they don't see a future for themselves. And then a lot of them
drop out of school, you know, and if they drop out of school,
like sixty eight percent of them end up sex trafficked in child labor,
married, married a child marriage, you know, child brides, and so
Robin and I were kind of joking, as is inappropriate today later, but
we're like, so they said that, but then they weren't like, Hey,
so this much money can get you this and this much money, this
much money. If you don'tate this much money, you're gonna buy you can
buy five books. If you donate this much money, you can line a
shelf with books in a library. If you donate this much money, you
can a bookshelf. Right, we need bookshelves for these libraries, if you
know, and on and on and give people a tangible like this is going
to help these kids get an education. And I was like, if I
was doing it, I'd be like, or maybe you want kids to get
sex trafficked, right, Like is that what you want? Is that what
you want? I guess you're just pro child for the free food. I
was like, you gotta guilt chip these motherfuckers, like you gotta give them
tangible. Meanwhile, there's like the raffle tickets that we don't know what's being
raffled off. I was like, all buy raffle tickets, right, Bob,
and was like I'll buy raffle like I'm ready, I'm ready. I
brought a checkbook. Yeah, like yeah. I was like, I don't
know if they're going to take venmo I brought my personal bank account, checkbook,
you know, tell me what you want. Nobody asked me for money,
really, But then they had this so they had these raffle tickets and
there was just a kid in charge of it. There was like a ten
year old kid and he was hard kind of to understand, and he didn't
really know what was going on. He was like Nick Lache hosting The Love
is Blind, and he's just like, you want raffle tickets? And I
was like, okay, what are they? Like, what are they raffling
off? And he's like I don't know, Like is there anywhere? Is
there any printed out anywhere we see like what we're hoping for? Right,
It's like I know it doesn't matter, but I kind of want to dare
to dream, right what you could have won, like a trip to to
I don't know. Right. There was also apparently a silent auction, but
nobody knew. None of us knew where to find the silent auction, how
to how to bid on things? Right, you know if this was at
a school, you know these Yeah, they need to get some Oh my
god, you're gonna see it all over everybody's Facebook, Like they're gonna be
calling you, like, listen, get on there and bid for this Lakers
tickets or whatever. And you know what I mean, these schools know how
to make money. Yeah. I think these people are all a bunch of
do gooders and they have really good intentions, but they don't have any aggressive
salesforce out there. Right, you know you need somebody from an MLM,
right, Oh yeah, you need to get your team together. Yes,
yeah, But I was honestly like, okay, so Robin, didn't they
to do so She's like, all buy raffle tickets. So they have like
a slide show that shows you the No, they had nothing library being built
during nobody did anybody get up and talk. A couple of people got up
and talked okay, but they didn't go now is the time where we ask
you for money. Get out your phone, because usually go go onto this
website and please whatever you can donate. You know, they said we really
would appreciate your donations. But they didn't say get out your phone. All
right, let's take a little break. Yeah. So you know, I
just had some notes for them because I just felt like, yeah, I
would I wanted to like, maybe we could do a little fundraiser for them
could do. It really was a cool Yeah. Honestly, I was like,
this is a bit of a missed opportunity because this is such a great
Like how many people in libraries for people? I mean, I don't know,
like fifty, Wow, that's pretty good sized people. Usually there's somebody
that's gets up and goes all right, we got a silent auction happening right
now. Go to the table, sign up right now, and then like,
okay, we're gonna send people to your tables. Here's you know,
put your hard number. These things before right, I've hosted them and still
felt like I needed to donate a bunch of money because I was like,
well, hosting it's not giving them not going to pay their bills, right,
you know, you just feel like you get moved by these things you
hear about. I did one for this um thing called Child and Family Guidance
Center out here that helps a lot of at risk kids. And I was
just from my friend Cecily, not my podcast partner, but my mom friend
Cecily Um does grant writing for this company, and she asked me if I
would host their thing, and I did, and oh my god, I
was bidding on air. I was like, oh, oh, there's this
Batman basket. Oh but put they did those things where you drop the raffle
ticket in for the prize you want to win, right, you know.
I was like buying ten raffle tickets for this thing, and buying this thing
and bidding on this I them and you know I love that stock. Yeah,
I know, I get fired up. Yeah yeah. And then you
could buy at this one. You could buy the centerpieces to your table.
If like sixty bucks, you can get this like giant like orchid. So
everything goes. There's so many ideas for how to like do those fundraisers.
Yeah, we gotta do it, and maybe we should do it in town.
I don't know, because we want to get a good turnout. Because
I did, I did my so. Suzanne's sister Danny started the UM with
the Shakespeare Shakes Shakespeare Festival in LA She started UM. What's it called at
will shit kid? It's on the tip of my tongue, but anyway,
it's for at risk kids in the inner cities. It gets them grants to
get some scholarships and it and it the she she takes these kids and she
has them take us a Shakespeare play and make it in their interpretation of it,
you know, and then they and then they put it on in Los
Angeles. Willpower, Willpower to Youth, I think, is okay. Yeah,
so um so we did a Shakes Shakes beer festival at we hosted at
our place in Malibu. It was why like ten years ago, but it
was so fun. It was the first time I were like, I'm sitting
with like the board members of her of the organization, and we're talking about,
you know, getting all these everybody's like you know, rallying, like
tickets to see Jay Leno and like you know, go see Adams race cars
and get a ride with Adam around the you know, pch like all these
things that we auctioned off raised like twenty grand because there was we had like
five hundred people we sold tickets for. Jay Leno performed, um pat Oswald
uh God bless Bob Saget, Jeff Ross did like a whole comedy thing.
I think I remember remember that this Yeah, yeah, love Patton Yeah,
Patton os while I know you do. And and Howie Mandel, well,
how are you Mandel? Is that a different one anyway? And then we
had like I think like the White Hot the White White Teas. Remember that
band, Plain White Teas played, Yes, they played, and also um
the singer from the Female the Bengals, Susannah Hoff, Yeah, she played.
It was such a great day. It was so great and five hundred
people and it was so but it took I mean I spent like six months.
We had to get a permit for Malibu. I had to go to
the offices in Malibu to get I got, you know, a permit.
We had to get valet parking. There was nowhere to park. We had
to like get secure three parking lots. I just remember going to neighbors that
had a huge lot, Can we use your house to park cars? Like?
It was just this whole like six months leading up to it. It
was so much fun. And we should do something like that again. The
thing is is finding a venue. That's the thing. Yeah there venues.
Yeah, Yeah, we could do it here in Patrick's backyard totally. He'd
love that. Yeah, he would love me. Just start planning ship for
the Patrick. Listen. We know we're doing our podcast here, but we
want to throw a huge fundraiser. I think it would be fun. We
should do that. I would love that. I would too. I like
stuff like that. I mean anytime. And I it's not even like I
have that many connections, but I've been on raffle committees. I don't mind
it. I don't mind ask two of us stuff. We all go to
like Trader Joe's and go, hey, can you donate You know a lot
of these places will donate stuff, and then between the two of us,
we know people, oh give us stuff. Oh yeah for raffles. Yeah,
And I mean I've done the parenting out loud. I used to do
that every year for my kids elementary school, and everybody would be kind of
astounded at the fact that every year I did it myself. I got all
of the items, and I was because nobody ever for something like that number
I told you about, even my kids current school. How I was like,
I could put on this show and They're like, well, what are
you gonna need And I was like, I don't need you, Like,
I'm gonna just do the show. I can put it up. I did
it at Vtelo's Restaurant, Yeah, where Robert Blake shot Fannie Lee Bakeley,
right, yeah, not my neighborhood Bakeley. Yeah, Yes, Vtelos is
still there. So we did it at Vtelos for the parenting out Loud and
Robin helped me one year and one mom from school did all the raffle stuff
did the ones were you get different prizes and people decide which prize they want
to go for. I had a I use some stuff that we got as
um you know, for sponsors from sponsors, some swag I donated it to
like my cause, like I feel like I had a bunch of I can't
remember what I had, but you know, people loved all the stuff and
that the raffles can make a lot of money, right right. I would
do like five dollars for one ticket or you could get like three for ten,
right, and then you know it was like low stakes. But then
we charged like whatever, thirty dollars at the door twenty five We raised like
thousands of dollars for the school. And I didn't have to have that much
help, right, It was not a big deal now, I know,
And you know, so many people like I remember we had to ask,
you know, all these comedians would you do you know? And usually it's
like I remember Adam asked Leno for me and he was like Is it for
the kid? Is it for kids? And he's like yeah, and he's
like, I'll do it, you know, I mean people would just yeah,
like I mean they're usually generous with their time if it's a fund raiser,
you know, like we there only reason why we couldn't do something like
that. I think it would be fun. Yeah, absolutely, who would
we ask? I don't know, we'd have to Are we gonna do a
comedy night or are we gonna like, you know, I don't know what
are what we would do? Comedy would be fun. Yeah, we could
get some comedians, We could get a like singer, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Patrick knows some people too from his boy band days. I know,
send them boy band? You knew that right here? What was it
big? He said? It was kind of like they has like a song
that did pretty well, like a song that was the theme song for some
TV show And yeah, they toured and and I was like, did you
dance? Did you do choreograph? Choreography? And he was cho yeah,
and he's like it was like, um, what was the band? He
said? It was like uh he said that when they were like what's that?
You know that? What the eight degrees kind of no, what's the
band with Adam? He's the singer like Maroon five? He said, oh
okay, like he played an instrument and dance, but they were they were
a boy band and his hair was bleached and right, yeah, that's so
funny. You didn't know him then, right, I didn't know him.
You've only known him through yeah this job. Yeah. Right. The first
time I met Patrick was when we did our for Crying Out Loud live show
in Hollywood. Yeah, that was the first time I met Patrick. Yeah,
the first time we did a live show and you were like, hey,
do you want to go do this live show? I don't know,
it's just like for fun or you know. And I was like okay,
but and I invited a bunch of my friends, but I didn't think people
were gonna come. I was like, I don't okay, it's just gonna
get a wreck at a restaurant. And then we show up and there's people
that are like, hi, I flew in. I know. We were
like yeah, yeah, we're like taking pictures with people. They're like,
we're such big fans. We're like, well, we didn't realize a Facebook
group, Yeah we have shit. Yeah, so we didn't know We just
thought it was just gonna be a bar crawl, and we were gonna start
at tin Horn Flats and you and I were just gonna get up and talk
for like half an hour. Yeah. So we invited Emily from Sex with
Emily Emily Bars. Yeah, she was our guests. We didn't really have
much planned because we're like, well, we'll just I don't know, we'll
just keep it kind of short, right and then yeah, and it was
full. It was full. People were up at the bar and I didn't
realize they were mostly like there for us. Yeah. Yeah, that's when
we were kind of like, oh, maybe we should do another one of
the things for real. Still took us a few more years. So we
did San Francisco. That was fun. Kaylin got up and did stand up.
That was fun. That was your first time doing stand up, Yeah,
and your last time doing this. I tried it one more time.
It did not work as well as our fans are very nice. That was
fun. That was fun. That kept going too. We should do another
one of those, Yeah, we should, we should. I just don't
like, I don't I don't know, like I'm not I'm not a comedian,
so I don't know I feel we have to prepare with stories and stuff.
Yeah, and god damn it, Like I gave that tape of Jerry
Seinfeld on my Answering Machine to Jay who used to work with us, and
he has it. I want to get it back just just so my kids
can hear. I mean, that would have been really funny. But remember
we were like, oh my god, we're gonna have to get like a
boombox, Like how's that going to work? Right? Like slide show behind
us. We were very much like I don't know how this is gonna and
Patrick was like, all right, yeah, I need stories. All right,
what are you? What's your opening? And You're like, I don't
know, I don't know, I'm just me opening what. Then I brought
my friend's story about her priest crazy preschool drama and we read that. I
mean, we could definitely do another lot, an actual live show, and
then we'll just do like I like, we're letting our listeners hear the plan
exactly. Just do like a half hour of us like doing a show,
and then a half hour of like Q and A. Yeah, we don't
have to air it as a live show. There's nothing more annoying than listening
to a podcast live show as a show, right right? Why is that?
I guess it's it doesn't it's not as intimate, like right now,
you know, I think when I listen to a live podcast, because it's
it's so far as all sounds not great usually right, and then I don't
know, doesn't it's you, it's not as intimate. I think that's also
like about podcasts, yeah, because that sounds like talking right right. But
also like if I listen to let's say, my Favorite Murder, which I've
only listened to a like one of their live shows a long time ago,
but it's there's always stuff happening that you're that the audience isn't in on unless
they're live. The live audience, you know there's something happening, somebody yells
something out there, like dealing with stuff in the crowd, and if you're
listening at home, you're like, I don't know. So many podcasters do
live shows constantly. Yeah, it's all they do. They tour around.
Why don't we, I mean we should tour. We're lazy. We're so
lazy. But I think that, like I'm not a performer, so that's
why for me, Like I think if I had more of a forming Geane
and me, I guess maybe, but yeah, well you are. And
it's like, how's it much? Is it gonna cost? Is it gonna
you know right? How much do we charge? Right? And then there's
that fear nobody's showing up. I have all the same things. But when
we did San Francisco there were like two hundred people there. Yeah, were
Our show's only bigger than it was back then. We Yeah, I think,
I think, yeah, think yeah, I think. So it hasn't
shrunk since San Francisco. We haven't gotten fewer listeners. Was San Francisco like
twenty seventeen, yeah, six years ago? Yeah, it's about right.
And the other thing is what city do you do it in? You know
what I mean? I think we go to Phoenix. People on the show
with us. Yeah, so Teresa's reached out to us. Yeah, Teresa
wants to come on. We just have to make sure the date works.
I think it does. Yeah, that's gonna be fun. I'm excited for
that. I love Teresa too. She has her book is coming out called
Making It Home, and it's really really good. I've talked about it before.
Um, it's available for pre order, but it comes out in June,
so I know she's going to want to be on a bunch of shows.
Yeah, oh I'm excited. I love Teresa. Yeah, I always
loved And she said she has a good Patreon for us too, because I
told her, you can come on, but you also better do a pat
you got to do a Patren And she was like, oh, I have
a good one. Nice. Oh I'm excited. Yeah. Yeah, Teresa's
fun. She's She's great, super smart, such a good writer. I
know I'm prepping all of my writer friends for like just bad reviews, because
and myself as well, because bad reviews are just like the bane of my
existence. Everybody I was, I looked up, So what do you mean
you're just because I'm because you got to like tell people like Teresa, just
make sure you're not reading reviews of your book, like, because people will
come out early and hard and just like people just love to just love to
talk to take you down, you know. Yeah. So, like I
after I got out of the fundraiser the other night and I was kind of
bonding with Jen Man a little bit. We were talking about reviews, bad
reviews, like people that just say nasty stuff and want to make sure.
You know, like they'll find your Instagram, they'll instagram you and tell you
like you're ugly, your book is terrible, you know. And I was
like, but they'll even do it to children's books because we were talking about
this book that I love for kids called Miss Rumphius. I think many years
ago I might have told you about this, how I just love this kid's
book. It's the most beautiful book. It's about this lady who um,
it's just a really sweet story. It's for like young kids. Like I'm
gonna say, like it's good for like ages maybe four through ten, you
know, Okay, this lady and the part of the story is she goes
around the world and she throws these flower lupine seeds, and then they sprout
these beautiful flowers. So then later you look around after she's died, there's
all these beautiful flowers because she threw all these flowers. Right. So I
was on Amazon looking at the book and I saw like a one star review
for it, and somebody was just like, this is so irresponsible because lupines
are predatory flower. They're not really a flower. There are a weed.
And the message of telling people to plant weeds around is so terrible, and
I was like, of course it always a Karen, always a Karen.
So then I was just to make myself laugh because Jen Man and I were
talking about that. I looked up to see if there were any bad reviews
of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, and I sure found one.
And here it is evil subliminal message. It's a review from twenty and twelve.
I hate to be a party poop, but I do believe there's a
very evil subliminal message in this book. The point seems to be that it
is bad to do kindness for people, since they invariably will end up taking
advantage of you. Not surprising, the author is not Christian. This book
is very anti Christian and anti Biblical. Compare this with the Parable of the
Good Samaritan and then all in caps, Beware the Eleven of the Pharisees.
Okay, yeah, and twenty people found it helpful, by the way,
Hell, those are the people I want to talk to. Really, are
you kidding? Twenty people were like, oh, this is a good review.
Oh my god, thanks for the warning. I'm not picking up this
piece of trash. Yeah, there's always going to be somebody that says something,
Oh, there's always gonna be tons of people. It's not just somebody
people people love. I mean, it's like what we were talking about on
Tuesday's episode with people are coming out of the woodwork to be like Vanessa was
a terrible hostess, saying, oh my god, there are bigger problems,
like she was good? Right? Right? How are you that angry at
Vanessa? How is that really? You had to take the time out of
your day to go rant about her on social media? A horrible that.
I just find that baffling to me. This is why we can't have nice
things. Yes, can't have a book like if you give a mouse a
fucking cookie. It's a great book. It's so cute. Why do people
have to try to find a problem with it? Yeah, I don't know.
Anti Christian, anti creation? Wow? Yeah, well um yeah,
let's take a break and we're back. What's going on with you, Kaylin?
Yeah? What's going much? Just my weekend? Birthday? Weekend?
Was it good to um? We talked to Kaylin on Tuesday's episode about his
adventures, um, his Alice in Wonderland adventures and but when you got back,
so you got so you were gone over a Friday or over Saturday.
We're gone over a Friday. And then we spent a lot of Saturday kind
of driving up the coast instead of taking the freeway because they wanted to kind
of look at some of the other beach towns. Bullshit, you wanted to
spend more time away from as long as they home the scenic crew, Yes,
exactly. And we ended up stopping Insenitas because I don't We got to
talk to this couple at the bar in La Joya and they told us about
this like garden with these big giant Koi fish Koi ponds. I was like
okay, and then I was look, yeah, you don't see enough of
those kalin You wanted to go kill more fish. I wanted to see it.
I was like, okay, I know how these things work. Now
you're like, this is my life. Yeah, I know, I know
from Koi fish. But actually I found a I love to fine places to
eat off Yelp. I'm constantly just finding restaurants and stuff on Yelp, and
uh so I and then I found this taco place on Yelp, and I
was like, oh, let's stop at Encinitas and get some tacos and look
at the koyfish. And we got to this taco stand and it was like
an over an hour long wait to get these fucking tacos. Oh my god.
We were standing and Amy was like, I'm so hung taco version of
In and out burgers, right, Yeah, it was ridiculous. And Amy
was like, I'm so hungry. I'm gonna walk across the street and get
a slice of pizza and then I'm gonna come back and then eat tacos there.
So she had to go get a slice of pizza in between waiting for
tacos. Yeah, and they were pretty good. Yeah, it's not worth
the weight, but they're pretty good. I had visitors at my house last
week. Oh yeah, at my condo. Okay, So I was talking.
I got a call on like Friday afternoon from Mike Gerstein, who lives
in Arizona, and he's he's dry being into town because he's getting sued because
of his company whatever. He's got a lawsuit going on. Okay, so
he's got to spend like four days in La and he's like and and so
he calls me and Dawn and he wanted to see us, and he's like,
I go where he's staying. He goes I don't know, and I
was like, He's like, can I do you have a Can I stay
at your condo? And I was like, I guess. I mean I'm
not there on Sunday. I can leave you the key. You can spend
the night Sunday. So then I'm there Monday and Tuesday, but he needs
to stay till Wednesday. So I was like, shit, what did I
get myself into? Now he's gonna Now he's there, I don't like,
guess I know, and it's not a big condo, but he's got I
got an extra bedroom. So I'm like, all right, what do I
care? Like I've known Mike my whole life, right, it's like having
family come to town. So I leave him the key. Then the next
day I go there and I'm like, Dawn, you better come and can
you spend the night because I don't want to be like I haven't seen Mike
since Palm Spring, right, you know, I don't know. It would
be all right, but be better if don was there for a buffer.
But then what did I get myself into with that? Because God blessed Dawn,
but she freaking it's a little bit. You asked me yesterday. Is
it because of her brain injury or is she kooky? And it's a little
bit of both. She repeats the same story, oh, like as if
I've never heard it, you know, like her daughter went to France with
her boyfriend and they're getting married. He's gonna propose, he's gonna propose,
and then an hour later. But me, I'm always just like Suzanne goes.
I don't know how Lynette, you've never had this patience before because normally
it's flipped like Suzanne's got all the patience in the world. Like last time
we saw Don afterwards when we were done, she was like, she repeats
herself and you just like talked to her as if you just heard the story,
because I just humor her. I don't know, it's like in one
year out the other kind of thing. And I do love her, like
you know, she's like family too, have known her my whole life.
But is it like a thing from the brain entry or is or is she
that add that she just has forgotten. She's definitely got add and but she
definitely has some brain I think that the repeating it's gotten worse as she's getting
older, right, but so I don't know, I just have the patience,
Mike, no patience. You know. She'll be like, so my
my daughter just he's gonna propose. He's like, bitch, she just told
us that story an hour ago. And she's like all right, and it
doesn't bother her. She's just like she just looks at it as Mike,
you know, because we're constantly And then my WiFi kept going out because he
had his Apple Watch, he had his like everything was charging up, and
then I don't know, my wife I kept going so it's like Mike,
Mike's here. He can fix it. You know. He used to be
a table guy. So he's like, I'm plugging. He's going in the
crawl space to unplug it and put it back in, and then gets going
again. And then she brought over her Oculus, the VR stuff and mine.
Every time I tried to go on at the same time, it would
crash. So anyway, he's like now, so he's on there. I'm
on the phone with the wife with Spectrum and he's like, hey, is
it because we have a friend Mark who uses it for porn, I guess,
and he's like, is this what Mark uses? And I was like
on the phone with the guy and he's like, oh my god. He
goes, he goes, I can get porn on this thing. So he's
on Dawn's thing and the guy from Spectrum is like, so tell your friend
that's watching porn to unplug the oculus. It's like, I guess this conversation's
not getting recorded right now. And he's like, I'm just repeating what your
customer is telling me. And I'm like, you didn't have to call him
out that I was watching porn, dude. And then meanwhile, Dawn's sitting
there, repeating, repeating, and I'm going like, what the fuck did
I get myself into? And then and then Mike's like, god, there's
so many good restaurants around here, and he orders like fried chicken waffles,
and then we eat, and I was like, Dawn's ready for bed by
the way. She comes over and like her, Jammy's pret she's in bed
by nine. It's like ten thirties, ordering like root beer floats for all
three of us. All three of us are not drinking. He's sober,
she's not drinking because of her brain and dry I'm not drinking. So we're
having like root beer floats right, and it's like eleven thirty and I'm like,
I'm going to bed, you go. And then I was like and
then he's like, then Tuesday comes and I'm like, I love that he's
still not drinking. Oh. Yeah, he's been sober for you talk to
him right, sober for like seven years now. Yeah, he's doing good.
Yeah, he's doing great. Yeah, but oh my god. He
has this freaking vape pen with nicotine. Like he's got his oils that he
puts in it, and it's one of those vapes that look like a like
a charger for your LAPTI. Yeah, and he smokes it and it's just
it's like watching Metallica or something. It's like it's like a smoke machine and
me don are sitting there and I can't see her because there's just a plume
of smoke of smoke. Or we're making fun of a and he's like,
I know sometimes I'm driving and I can't see the road. Oh my god.
So then what happens the next day? He's during the day, he
calls me and I go, so, you're gonna be back at the condo
tonight. Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm texting Dawn like, are you gonna come
back? Please spend the night because I just got one more night with him,
and then I'm going back to my house. And then she's like,
all right, I'll come back. I'll come back. So she comes back.
Anyway. He calls me in the middle of the day and he's like,
UM, guess what just happened? I said, what happened? He
goes, I'm at the law offices. We're on the eighteenth floor, and
the fire trucks. The fire department was called the fight. The smoke alarm
went off because he's in the bathroom smoking is vague. Oh my god,
I think that was gonna be a joke. He was because he's caused.
He said. Three fire trucks showed up. They had to evacuate the whole
building. They're on the eighteenth floor. They had to go down the stairs.
And his lawyer was like, was that you in the bathroom that He
was like, I told you, I don't lie. He goes, yes,
it was it was me. And he felt so bad, and I
was like, at dawn, guess what just happened? A mic Oh my
god, yeah, get in trouble. Yeah. His lawyers were pissed.
The people were pissed at him. The manager of the building had to come
talk to him, like, you cannot bring, you cannot smoke, you
can't do any of that stuff inside the building. You're gonna set the alarm
off. I'm surprised he didn't set my alarm off. Oh my god.
It is a plume of smoke. It really looks like you're at a concert
with the smoke machine. That's how bad it. What is he thinking?
I don't know. He doesn't drink. He's nuts. He's crazy, I
know, but there's so many like smokeless vapies. Look I know, like
I'm like, Mike, you can't just have a little thing like you gotta
smoke out of a freaking brick, you know. And he's like, yeah,
I love it. He's like he's got his formula. It's called like
witch crap. I don't know, like some nicotine flavor. That's crazy.
I know, I know he's a little crazy. Did he end up leaving
on time though? Yes? And then yeah, so then douple like that
always have like another thing that comes up. What do you mean, like
like, oh I just need to stay one more day? Oh oh yeah
no, So then right, good question. So Dawn's there the second night
and we're talking about his lawsuit and it's going well and everything, and he
goes, but I gotta come back next week and I go, okay,
I go, well, I need my condo back, and he's like,
all right, I gotta date this weekend. You can't. You gotta get
your shit packed up and go. So he left, but he's back.
He found like he was when he was there at my condo. He's looking
for I could find you a hotel and he goes, fuck the hotel.
You got an airbnb for like seventy five bucks a night. It's like a
room in Venice. He's like, I want to go to the beach some
like showing me all these different places for like sixty five bucks and we're like,
what what do you get? And he's like there's somebody else, Like
there's a room where somebody else is there too, and I'm like, you're
gonna share a room. He goes, I want to spend as little as
possible when I'm here. Like, so we have this friend, okay,
So so John's John has a friend. He's my friend too. He passed
away sadly, he died of cancer and he was living with this woman.
So they were living in this very small apartment but very close to the beach,
and it rent control and so much stuff in there. Right, it's
like a little apartment. It's like a one bedroom apartment, and there's like
just stuff everywhere, right, And and John went and helped the woman that
he lived with was his ex wife, and they cleaned out some of the
stuff, but there's still so much stuff. And she decided that she is
going to sleep. She bought a bed for the living room basically okay,
so that she could airbnb the bedroom. And I said to John, I
was like, who would possibly, I go, what person in the right
line would rent a room with, like the woman whose apartment it is like
sleeping in a bed in the living room. And John goes, you'd be
a surprise, yea, my girl, Dane Wood, he's probably there right
now. That's what John told me. That was originally what air andbnb kind
of was, was like example, like, I guess vrbo their whole advertising
thing is um, my neighbor Mitch was telling me this is basically like,
Hey, do you want to go stay somewhere where other people aren't in your
in the place don't you want your own place to yourself. Well, this
is you're actually renting out a place and no one's there. So apparently airbnb
really was not like just going and get it now. I mean, I
haven't even heard of looking for an airbnb and the people are there. I
know that that's like a bed and breakfast kind of thing, right like,
I mean yeah, but I think of a bed and breakfast as like a
sort of almost a hotel but a little homie or like an inn. Right
Like, there's it's a big, huge mansion and there's different little rooms and
you come down to a main kitchen. I don't know, I don't I
was just telling like, hey, um, sorry, I'm using the only
bedroom in your breadroom from right. I go, Mike, you're gonna live,
You're gonna like stay for a week with somebody else in the room.
He's like, I don't give a shit. He's like, I just need
a bed. I'm not I'm not gonna be there. I'm gonna be gone
all day. I don't set the alarm off, by the way, you
know. But I know I was telling I was explaining to Sonny and we
went to dinner the other night about Airbnb or bed and breakfast. I was
telling him, like your parents had a We went. The very first and
last time I ever stayed at a bed and breakfast was we went on our
honeymoon and I picked, like I picked this house. I don't know.
It was like in Zion by the by Zion National Park. So I found
like this bed and breakfast. We get there and there's like the people or
Sonny He's like, so the people live there, and I'm like, yeah,
we like it's like I can't picture dad and somebody else's house. I
oh, yeah, no, I know me neither. And we left the
next day we got up and just oh, so it wasn't quat like a
big it was. It was like they were very sweet, but like the
bedspread was all flowery and old school like that, like rough scratchy. Yeah,
and it was just you're in somebody's house and like we were hungry and
we wanted to make your breakfast. Well we didn't. We left. They
said that they would make breakfast and we were supposed to stay stay two nights,
but well he got there, Mike Adam was like what where where are
we staying? And like, well, I don't know. I thought bed
and breakfast was so cute. It sounds cute, especially on a honeymoon.
Right, No, hell no, we couldn't get out of there fast enough.
He's like, all right, well, sleeping here tonight, but tomorrow
morning, we're just gonna go all the way straight through. We're gonna drive
to Sedona because that's where we were gonna go to. Next stop. So
we just left and just we stayed there one night, never went back.
Screw that. Oh that So it's just some people are cut out for that.
Will you always hear about people that are like, my dream is to
have like a bed and breakfast, right, It's like, so your dream
is just to have constantly having guests in your house and having to make them
breakfast. You gotta get up before them and ship, Like what, I
don't even want to make breakfast? Like, if that is your dream,
it die. That's a terrible dream to have. You want turkey sauce and
shut the fuck up. I got regular sauce or no sauce. It's so
bizarre. Well do you guys have half and half just a mill? Right?
Imagine that, Like your guests are like expecting like a nice breakfast.
Oh and they were like, you can go the grocery store and get whatever
you need, use the frigerator. The fridge is all cleaned out. You
can have the top shelf to yourself. Like what am I doing? I'm
gonna go buy groceries and make dinner. I'm not gonna make lasagna in your
kitchen Like what that? Oh my god? No, thank you. You
end up having to make a freaking five course meal. And they're like,
so what time show are we all sitting for dinner? You're like, are
you high? And what are you talking about? The family members are showing
up. Scott's my in law. He's gonna be joining us, these vegetarians.
Fuck that noise. Oh my god, I had no idea. I
guess I've just never gone to a bed and breakfast about don't don't. I'm
here to tell you don't now. Oh my god, I am too.
I'm sorry, but I am spoiled in that way. I'm not spoiled,
and I don't think it any other way. But I told you about the
time that John and I went to New York. I was just visiting John.
I've told this, I know. I hate it when people say,
like, I've probably told this before, but I have. But we were
having our first trip together and I went back east to go and I met
his family, and then we were going to New York and we were going
to spend the night in New York. And so his dad used to be
a member of the Princeton Club. That sounds nice, It sounds nice.
So his dad was like, I'll get you guys a room at the Princeton
Club. And so of course I was like, well that sounds down,
I fancy and kind of proper. I like it, you know. So
we get there and it is like so old and musty, and his dad
had booked us a room with twin beds. And I had been just spent
like a week with John at his parents' house, where you know, we
were in separate rooms. We couldn't even be in the same room. All
the room said twin beds, so we were in separate rooms. And so
I hadn't barely touched him, you know, he didn't even want to make
out in those days because it was just like two tense. His parents were
like very not about yeah. Yeah. So now we get to New York
and I'm like, oh, oh, So then they showed us so John
went. I was like, no, that is just wrong. And it
turned out that his dad had purposely booked so yeah, because John's like,
this has to be a mistake. And so we go to the front desk
and they're like, no, that's the room that was booked and we don't
have any other rooms. So they had one other room and it was like
the room where like the janitor sleeps or whatever. So it was a room,
you know how. It was like you walk into the room and the
bed is right there against the wall. Instead of there's no opening, there's
no like ya where you walk in and there's a little closet like a normal
hotel. It's just like a room and a bed. And I was like
I started crying, like no, I'm not saying I'm not. And I
was like I don't care that he's going to think I'm a diva. I
don't care. And I was like, we need to We need to go
somewhere else. And John was like very stressed because he felt bad, right
embarrassed that his dad had booked us this room. And so he was like
so within like forty five minutes, we had a room at the Sophie Tall
Nice and it was like we were kind of fighting because just because he felt
bad, and then that made me feel bad. But as soon as we
walked in the door at the Hotel Sophie Tall, it was like, oh
yeah, and I was like, okay, I did us a favor,
right, I'm sorry I made things tense, but I was not sleeping in
that fucking yeah. Yeah, I know, no, so weird. Yeah,
and it wasn't even like that much more expensive. Right, that's a
thing I think like a bed and breakfast probably cost you just as much.
They think you're paying for the experience, right, You're like, I don't
want that experience. Couldn't pay me No, oh my gosh, oh boy.
Well this was super fun. Yes, that was fun. And remember
when I used to tell people, well, this was a good show and
then they were like, I'll be the judge of that bit, right,
Okay, Well I had fun and we did our shout outside mind we did
them last week. So that's it. We love you guys, and love
you you next week, and thank you, don't have it up good