Welcome to Chewing the Cud. Robertson My value Right. Welcome to this week's
episode of Wish You Were Queer, where Mike and Doctor Phil have arrived in
Borneo. You can still reach out to us, though, it's at the
cud tv on social media where you can follow us, the cud dot tv
for our website, and on YouTube and podcast services. Look for Chewing the
Cud and hit subscribe. And as people who have popped up in our comments
go scrolling along the bottom of the screen, we go to Seppi Lock Rangutang
Sanctuary. Welcome to Chewing the Cud. Today we're at sepper Lock, the
Orangutang Sanctuary. We're also going to see some sunbeares as well while we're here,
though we do have to keep our faces covered with a face mask to
protect everyone. So while we're here, let's go into probably just come out
and will come to guess ah, the one with a baby, So always
keep your distance if you get too close. I give you to them,
thank especially the mother with the baby. Trying not to have eye contact with
the mother because it is something like that you have provoked in her. Is
it going to poop on you? I don't going to prop it um.
We're basically told to stop looking at it. You was told to stop looking
at it because it sees it as a as a threat to Oh okay,
yeah, now these are like cats. I'm I'm familiar with them, familiar
with them a cat. They're not particularly very tract drift and not know um
the fear of the inside out bomb variety. They are the intial prolapse.
So that's the right animabe kid mustanding mm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I think I would kind
of be aggressive a wrang guitary. Yeahah, they ca rip your arm off
quite easily. I'd like to see, is it to pick one up and
snap its neck? Yeah? Mama, oh my god, somebody it's the
circle. And it was anal as well, which was illegal drug away popo
not and drag it away? No, Surprisingly the popo did not. How
did you know it was anal because it's a big because that's me. That
might be how they have sex to get to the take the wrong one monkey
vagina that I would be saying today. I was expecting you to say that
phrase at some point today. I'm cute. They're very cute. Sadly,
none of them are dressed all, which is what I would because they're trying
to be released in the wild. Yeah, but we can still you know,
feather bow was not going to harm anybody, feather boone is not going
to harm anybody green for the environment, it would be nice. Um.
I kind of like to stop thinking of like like Chimp's tea parties from Do
you not allowed to touch them? Nope? You know that's as close as
you can get. And then if if they start to come towards you,
you slowly walk away, especially mums and babies. Can you not go?
Here's but we can do. But then if the orang tang rips your arm
off kills you, it's your own fault. Do they have like um keepers
that are stood around with like Zappa things things guns? Yeah, So there
was a comment that was made which was at some point, will shoot you
or the orang of ten and one of these an endangered species? Oh dear,
So it's like, oh I'm gonna get shot. Get a message on
grinder in there no no signal, no signal. The only place I had
signaled the entire time I was away it was in the hotels when I had
WiFi, Right, Yeah, no monkey business. No monkey business. Now,
I thought one of them was eyeing you up. There was an Australian
gentleman that was stood in front of us that I was hanging up one of
the monkeys. That's okay, I was talking about the Australier. I was
very tall with a very lovely bottom. Oh did you not like mountain like
that monkey? Did? I did try. I tried to give him a
banana and slip it in him, but he wasn't having it. He wasn't
monkey. Would you like to see some more rangutans? I would indeed got
some more rangutans then ye, oh my god, you need I've done double
done that hats there is a handsome Australian gentle would we should get come over
here to see how long this sand? And then some wild ones wild?
So just outside of that of the good park. So I've done so,
I've gone wild. Yeah, you do the thing told for you. The
ones that are in their camp thing, they will not tame, but they
really beliterated to be outside. That's a civit civit it's no turnal animal and
it's very very vicious out in the daylight after the daytime and right by people,
right by people's person. Yeah, were you not tempted to stroke it?
No? Yeah, it's a food. Really it doesn't look happy.
Well, you know it's daytime in it, looking up somebody's work it up,
claw them, going to claw them. So there was no you could.
I would want to have actual physical interaction with them. I wanted to
as well. And Phil came very close when he didn't move and the gamekeeper
said move, move, move. Um, so yeah, we got shouted
at. I would say, please, may I hold your baby? And
there's your arm, thank you very much. She'd go, of course,
you may hold my baby, and then I would run away and I'd say
you've only got tiny legs. You can't catch me. And I'd be off
because yeah, you can run quick. M h. There are cars,
No, there's no, there's no roads. It's a dirt tracks. Did
you walk on a four by four cars? We'll say, there you go.
You wouldn't get in one of them. I would on a bumpy road.
Yes, if there's a baby monkey? Are they monkeys? Are they
apes? The apes? Okay? Doesn't give them speak? Yes? Three
of them spoke like on planet the apes. Yes, three of them spoke
two or extra two more sign language British not American actual sign language. What
did they say? They said Lee's talking. Oh didn't get it at that
moment in time, I know it's making sense. Oh yeah, did you
did you feel connected with nature? I felt very so. Having no mobile
signal was a killer for the first few days. Oh my god, because
you know me, I'm always oh grindum, always like looking at stuff and
an animal, aren't you? Mike? An absolute animal down like libido?
Just for a few days. Couldn't, couldn't, couldn't. But I was
also sharing a room, so I couldn't express myself. Shall I say?
Um? Did did did? Did it? Did it? Did? Was
it like a detox? A cyber detox? Did you get used to not
going on your phone? I was holding it all the time we were filming,
but we used to. Did you get used to kind of not having
all the I got used to not having any contact with outside world, which
was kind of nice but also really distressing. Did you not at no point
go do you know what? Um sod this sub humanity strip naked and just
like go into the forest. Not enough found out strike at any point?
Well? Oh, stick around? Coming up? Next we have more from
Borneo. Welcome back. Mike and Phil are still going around Sepulock where they
are going to encounter some bears because of black Bear. It's not it's a
sunbar. Oh. They had the world's longest tongue for a bear. How
long? Very long? Very long? Is it? Yes? Not much?
Everyone is that so they can get into like termite mouth. M Oh
stupid, I'd like to do m You don't find this out on David That
Shrimburg programs The Running Bear one Matress, sun Bears, sun Bears of Borneo.
Yes, you're watching. And this week we're at a more volcano in
Borneo. It's a mud volcano. Get no, because if I want in
it, I would fall through. You would fall through the earth. I'm
seven hundred feet deep. That is um and it's literally hot mud. So
it's four hundred feet seven hundred feet deep. It's exaggerate, don't you seven
hundred It's actually in the vt it's in the VT um, so seven feet
deep. So if you get into it you would drown. What if you
just put your bell lind in it? It would burn your bell end off
because it's sulfur as well as mud and it's hot volcano. You mean that's
again, that's some of them is opportunity. You could have a spa treatment.
They do use the mud mud treatments and stuff. Yeah, but it's
not there, not because the ground is not solid. Oh, it's liquid
in the Orangutang thing like Orangutang's giving your massages with the modern stuff. Yes,
that's exactly what's gate. And then the cat comes over and Shade slips
it by a lot of lovely using mudder's lube, with some bears coming.
All of exact. It's called the bare necessities. Did it rot while you
were there? No? Not even it was, Yeah, but not big
eruptions because it's erupted like three years before. Oh natural, would you have
had to have run? We wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it up because you
would die because it's hot mud. Yes, yes, still put my finger
in it. I know you. It smelled foul as well. It smelt
like death. Now you're just turning me off, talking about turning leon time
for something a little bit dangerous today, well, this evening more like we're
getting ready to go on. Now I can't say for legal reasons, poach
your hunt so we're gonna call it at night time safari. Okay, so
this this evening is night time safari. It's going to be me and a
couple of other guys in the back of the van pitch black because it's like
pitch back out hit like before eight pm. Okay, um, and we're
going to see some wildlife stick around. It's scary. I think it's very
Literally we are in the back over four by four line. M hm h
m hm. No, it's trying to think. Give us a plantat de
brease. I was pat of my knee. My schedules going to die.
Just put remember the eagle. No, it's not, because that's it black.
I'm scared. I'm going to get fisted. Oh you've got a night
vision, a bit night vision. You set a little movement there, leaf
see that there were monkey a wrap thing. Yes, Oh they're cute.
It was cute. It was a nature walk O time so far. Sorry.
Did you perchance upon any other people going for a It wasn't dogging?
No, I mean did you come across any pouches? No? No,
no, they weren't out that. There weren't any punches that we're seeing,
which is good because we were. We weren't on a punch on. No,
do arangans go to sleep at night? Yes? They do up in
trees. Oh there, they make nests new nest every night as well,
drugging a box spring every night they get leaves and things and then they sleep
in it. Oh it's quite cute. Yeah, do your fuzzy inside reasonably?
Okay? Did you see any other animals snakes? No, snakes,
panthers. We did see some ancestral chickens. So the chicken, as we
know and love nominum is native to Asia from from the beginning, from the
beginning, right, and they've they've got out. I've got out. They
got out, flowing all that way. They're just rand at really fly very
far a right, jumping on boats and stuff. But they looked a bit
like giraffe chickens because they have really long necks and tiny bodies. Tasted delicious,
then, did you Yeah, because all the food that will reach it
was around like break the next in front of view and like do like no,
but they could off, but I wouldn't mind it. It's not not
lock tom in KFC's appropriate way of preparing. No, because it's not wild
chicken yeah, what else are we going to see? Then? Well,
let's have a look what it's like to sleep in the jungle. So this
is the ludge, and there is that one who stayed. This is one
of the places they stayed. Yes, okay, so it's the raincer's rainforest.
It's pretty much always raining. But that's the room. And the condensation
on the window is because the air conditioning is on full belt. Carry the
jungle dies. As the jungle dies around it cool with us, yes,
And that trick is everywhere. What is it? It's it's a local concoction
of herbs and spices and things. Okay, now I thought i'd bring some
borneo to you. It's of Yes, is it gorilla pith? It's gorilla
pis. Yes, So I've got some here for you. How long have
that been in there? Just a couple Not the face, it's not it's
fresh. I got the recipe. That's not a lot of color to it.
That's like under browed tea. Does look a bit like under brewed tea,
doesn't it. That's pungent. It's very point. What is it?
What have you got in it? It's tasty? But what is it?
Try something? No? I need to know what's in it first, because
I might be allergic. You're not allergic to it. I might be though,
you're not. Because about beef. Nothing smiles, some beef in the
studio. It's got honey in it. Sweet, it's lovely. Don't like
it, you know? No, ginger's ginger, lemongrass and honey. Wow,
okay, I think it would be better very cold. Pretend it's very
cold over ice. Yeah, I don't have ice in the studio. No.
No, But it's tasted good. Yeah, it's okay, very dingjury,
it's very like. It's good though they're not going to go that far,
but you know, but they also to do that as a hot drink
with tea for normal tea as well, and it's really tasty. But could
you could you have drunk a hot beverage in that humidity? Yes? I
did? Did you? Yeah? Me without coffee in the more imagine me
without coffee. There's no caffeine in that exactly, So I had to have
a coffee in the morning. There's no caffeine and put my coffee there's okay.
Yeah, oh well that's that's it. It doesn't have a name,
an official local name. No it does, doesn't know it does. Yeah,
you went there, for God's sake, make you drunk every day.
I did drink this every day, but they kept referring to it as their
speciality. Oh and just listed off the ingredients, which was great because then
I had a list of ingredients to come back with, okay, which was
sugar, water, honey, lemon, grass and ginger make vennam and come
oh, I thought that was the salty after taste, a bit of chewy,
well paper pasty. But now, sure we have a look at a
place called Cota Killer Barnew. So this is one of the major cities of
Borneo. Okay. That big blue building there is the police headquarters. It's
some central amounts substantial. It's a very pretty building. We need to be
exactly yea. And as the food market okay, with some big melons.
Nice. It's right on the side, right on the coast. Did you
do you go to a fish market? There was a fish market in that
market was yes, it had fish, fruit, meat, octopus, octopie,
oti um souvenirs. That's very industrial looking, isn't it. There's the
types of buildings. Yeah, yeah, there's nice swim pools on the top
of buildings. Either there is one on the fool in that building. That's
nice. Hm. Did you did you partake in any of unusual fruits because
it was illegal now in the in the market. Ah, yes, I
did taste a couple of things that unusual. Oh we'll talk about that in
a minute. Oh really, stay right there. It's coming up next my
ghost cruising. Welcome back to our special wish you were Queer from Borneo.
Now Mike is about to live his Titanic fantasy. We are about to go
to river cruising down at the Kinnibatangan, which is that river just behind.
I'm going to be about two hours. So I'm covered in all the chemicals
done to man. So there's a repellent sun cream, two of the most
biggest chemicals known to man. No papers, because it's not that kind of
cruising. How did my mind? I didn't. I got my honey,
get home, I did my Um. I don't gonnas yet, I can't
yet I'm go go to that Okay about you yet? I don't hmm,
I'll say you're going on a drugs bost No. So we're wearing life jackets
because if you fall in the water and the crocodiles needs to find you always
is when you kind of got the existential crisis. Here here we are,
just before the cent the crisis. Just watch the screen. Watch for something
moving, a little repple. You see that. Then that was a crocodile
that has seen our boat. Could you like trail your fingers in the water
just for a little bit of refreshment. No, well they're referred to you
can do. But again crocodiles. No, No, you could like lift
your finger out and they'll be like five baby crocodiles hanging any song or a
crocodile could go a lot of fingers. M Oh, did you send any
large crocodiles? Yes, quite a few, and they came quite close to
the boat. Oh yes, I had a brown trouser moment. Did you
in a little brown fish? Shout myself to be fair fast through? But
no, people that lived there live off the land, in the sea and
the river. So even when we're at the lodge, right, they came
like the dinner was wild chicken, wild fish. So on the menu it
said river fish. Didn't tell you what anna fish it was oli its head
attached. I would not enjoy that. I don't like anything that's got its
face to consume. You don't have to eat the face, but I know
it's been there looking at me. Did you have bones in it? No?
It was the famous bowless fish. You know what do you? What
do you? How do you put any moodey out? If they just kind
of deboned it, kind of presented it covered in bread crumbs, two chunks
on white bread, do you hurt them? Oh? I don't think it.
Did you? Were there any specialty foods? Yes, there's one that
we had a lot, which is Beef Friend and Beef End Yeah, which
is delicious. You probably would like it because it's spicy. I'm taking it
has beef beef yeah, and render dum and ginger and garlic and tumeric and
lots and lots of different flavors. Did you eat monkey brains out of a
monkey's had like on Raiders of the Last Ark? No? Because two things
I wasn't in South America okay, and two that's a movie. Okay.
Just doesn't know havington come from Borneo? Nope, that's Peru again South America.
I don't know geography, you don't know, so China, see,
China is not American did um did well? All that kind of ginger and
honey and spices and stuff. You been troubled by a cold? Will you?
The fact was degrees most of the time, not surprisingly. Lots of
eggs as well, lots of do you become egg bound because it's all of
spices? Balanced it allowed? Did it? Okay? But not a lot
of cheese? Not a lot of cheese. There's not a lot of cows
though, is there? Because they're eating it all in the beef ran love
the way saying done, it doesn't look very agricultural. There are some agricultural
as they're welcome to be fair borneo is quite aggrustural because palm oil. Oh
so that's one of the big problems. That's why they're trying to encourage tourism,
okay, to kind of offset to the palm oil because because what they
don't want people to do is just think of palm oil and grow palm grows.
But they're saying is if we can get people to do more in the
rainforests and bushcraft and lodges and things. Did you say bushcraft? Bushcraft?
Why? What's wrong bushcraft? I just don't want to don't like the sound
of it. Okay, So yes, so bushcraft making things in the bush
could be a crafty queens good bushcraft. I'm making a coconut out of a
coconut. I wouldn't pull it as that far fans. I'm making a coconut
out of nothing. It was the same people who went up a bush about
cows beef agriculture. So they're trying to encourage people to be tourists. Okay,
right and go and spend money that way rather than have to get money
out of palm oil. I had to try and save the rainforest and stuff
because it's quite scary when you're driving through and you see nothing but palm grows.
Yeah, it's quite real. That's not that's not a natural plant to
that area. It is a natural plant, but they farm it intensely so
you see it in straight rows. Okay, the stuff and it's yeah,
did you drink coconut water? I had quite a lot of coconut based things.
There's a lot of coconut based things out there that goes right through you
don't know, no, no constitution of an ox okay, Max, But
yeah, well we're talking about being head bound. Let's get all one with
nature and so this is primary rainforest and what that means is that is just
nothing but rainforest, right and it's not been farmed, it's not been planted.
It's natural rainforest. Sort of. The things you might not experience in
the UK that you might experience is massive speeds like that. It's actually one
single seed from a plant. It's from a tree. Okay. And here
there are some butterflies that disguise themselves as these seeds. I was going to
show you what they look at. Anyways, it is not pretty. It
goes looks a bit like a butterfly. It is not nice. Yeah,
lots of wildlife around m this morning. Welcome up by maccas, which are
just monkeys that you know, we're trying to steal ther sandwiches. If you
hear the sandwiches um stick around as we do more old borneo exploring. Then
you're watching Junica and we're hearing in the lodge once say lodge bathroom shower and
we've got a little visitor there he is there's a get go okay, and
the real cute and really quick and then like to eat bugs and things.
So it means that I don't get bitten as much, which is lovely.
I'm also in a massive bathroom. Where is there a heater or on?
Huh? Or was there a heater on in the bathroom? It was like
an electric heater on. That was the air conditioning burning itself out. It's
like you're not living in a fridge, calmed down. I'm not cold enough
unless I can see eyes. I want to see my breath. What was
that was there? Like um anus falling? It? M is again?
Again? Is there like um? So? Like nature? Staff la la
la la. But then can you go and like have a lovely massage?
Yes? So, I had a couple of massages while I was there,
hot stone massage. It's very lovely. I had a pedicure with a foot
oak that fish, No, no fish, just the stone. But I
had my feet in a bucket of what some people said looked a bit like
soup. Yeah. I had leaves and stuff in it. And it s
very lovely. But as as a as a young young lady rubbed my head,
rubbed your hair, do not feel a bit weird? No, I
know, it's okay. That's okay. Did you have that expression while she
was doing as well? She was behind me? Okay, that's lovely.
We'll stick around because the holidays come to an end now, so it's time
to fly home. Welcome back to you in the card and I wish you
were queer special. Now it's time to go home and see what it's like
to fly first class. Hello here, I am still in Borneo. I'm
just arrived in the airport in quite Killabanna kinte Killabanna. Doesn't flying home today?
Yeah, first lounge where there's free bows. Well, it's gonna be
a messy fly. I'm going from here where, then going to Quella lum
Pool, and then from qual Lumpoint's first class all the way home to Manchester.
Soorr, Yeah, let's stick with us and see what happens. M
h hi. So here we are the first p and emers frink. It's
very strinking um just inserved to drinking. It's a very lovely single. Mart's
notch and yeah, all of us all so very little speicle at weet.
It's a little bit of a look around. And yeah, it's currently like
three morning for me, so I'm very tired and I'm going to be getting
in that very sort What do you about the jamas? And yeah, okay,
we got a bed, but they do a proper pillar and everything,
so yeah, stick around. So yeah, there's actually a shower on the
plane as well, so yeah, you can actually get yourself nice and naked
and have a shower. Face scared though, weren't you didn't? No,
I don't want to do. I've got a blur on it's covering me easy,
can't see me? Did you care a corfee in a shower? On?
No, I didn't have the time. Didn't have time, didn't have
time? Why is it time a limited? Yet only get twenty minutes a
shower? That's like fun after that long? Oh this is pleasant? What
I should hap in a shower? Yes? Love, Yes, thanks for
sharing that. I thought it. What happens after twenty minutes if you're not
out? Do they like decompress their basically the side of the plane opened yet
sucked off? Oh well you're lingering in the bathroom. Okay, But while
I body got to try lots of different delicacies and things. Okay, so
lots of dates and Eastern foods and lots of chocolates which were tasty. Yeah,
so much so that when I got to the airport, I thought I
need to buy some of those chocolates and take them home, and did you?
I brought some home that they run out of, the ones on the
plane that you couldn't steal. No. Um, So I've brought us a
box of chocolates to share, and the gallery have some too, did what
they made out of? Did have? So? This is a dark chocolate
okay, okay? With fruit inside? Mm hmm, it's like is it
like? Is it like? Is it like? Um? Turkish delights?
It's not like Turkish lah, it's actual fruit compot. Okay, it's a
fruit called Jurian fruit. Have we heard of that before? Okay? Yeah?
Oh it smells unpleasant. No, it smells unpleasant. The smell does
smell unpleasant. But I don't want to put that into my mouth. It
smells unpleasant. That smells dirty. I don't want it. I don't like
it. Right, Why would they make it like that? Why would they
make something that? On the many you open the packet, there's a vile
sedge just because it traveled. Eat it tastes because it's traveled, so it's
off. Then has it been sweating in your back? No it hasn't.
I don't like it. Try it's lovely. It's not lovely. It's my
stomach is clenching. I I did do it that? Oh that's disgusting.
That is not nice. Dry fruit. It's a delicacy. Oh, it's
disgusting. That chocolate. That's a really unpleasant, really unpleasant as to taste.
It stinks, it tastes horrible and it doesn't and it lingers like what
are your thoughts? Yeah? Would you like a tip? No? So
head injury stuff? No? Wow, what's that going to do? A
stronger flavor? Oh it's horrible. What does it make it worse? I
can never remember the way around. Oh that's disgusting, not fun. No,
how are you going on with it? Gary? Just like it's just
like one rapper just swallowed them all. No, no, I think it
is that like like what chocolate it is supposed to taste like? It's Jurian
fruit. It's the world stinkiest fruit. Oh there was a reason behind it
then yeah. Um it's called the King of Fruits. And they describe it
as having a strong odor of beef. There's no beef. That's horrible.
It's like something has gone off. Is it that plan that just like that
grows once a year? And no, no, no, this is this
is a fruit that actually grows all over them? And why would if it
tastes bad? It doesn't taste bad, it does it doesn't? You just
think it tastes bad. Oh, I'm so sorry, sorry, my my,
my nervous system. It does taste nice. You just think it doesn't
exactly student taste buds. Well, I'm sorry. I cannot be convinced.
Yeah, it's quite popular in Asia doing fruit nice. I'm not convinced at
all. You know that's viol Okay, burn them, I think they would
burn brown flag. So to get these home, I had to put them
in the whole luggage, had to declare them. I had to declare them.
They had to be vacuum packed so it didn't have any gases around them.
Yeah, does it produced enough of it? So what are you going
to do with that? What are you gonna do with them? No,
you're not. It's wrong with you. What's wrong is your face? Now?
It's just they're just not pleasant. I think they are. Well,
thank you for that exotic treat. Exactly. It's got to try something new,
and I have and I will never try it again. It's licking your
lips. It's gonna I just wanna like yeah, because it's like, did
you bring anything else back with you? Did you already? Did you know
when you're free for your own personal about did you know any sculptures or any
any art? Because pretty much what I was whatever I had, I had
to carry for the entire holiday, so I didn't buy much. Did buy
you a little gift? Though? Is it shit fruit? It's not ship
fruit. It's an actual abjura? Is it? Yes? Would? Let's
have a look in your cupboard. They're gonna jump out, not twice?
Is it? Is it? Is it one of those those those rape monkeys?
Rape monkey? That's a lovely precious paper wait for you? It is?
Indeed it features in a ranger tank. Is it a hornbill? Is
a hornbill? That's a hornbill? Hornbill? And and it is got a
picture of the patronas towers, the patronas towers. What would? Yes?
Did you barter for it? Yes? I give you one pound? And
they said, no, we're working ring it here, sir, twenty nine
ring it. That's how it was priced down to twenty oh, which means
it was really twenty now. And that's that's glass, isn't it. It's
glass? Well, that's beautiful. Thank you for that. I shall I
shall drop that round the charity shop? And where shall we? Shall we
put it uput a shelf? Oh? Why not? Um, let's put
it there. Yeah, I can't really see it. That's almost the end
of the show. Remember to join us on our social media at the cud
TV. Our website is a kud at tv and of course on YouTube and
podcast just search for Chu in the cord. Thank you for watching. I
will see you all soon. Bye.