You're listening to KFI AM six on demand. Joyce, Welcome to the Jesus
Christ Show. Thank you, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. Joyce. What's
on your mind? Well, eighteen years ago my husband was diagnosed with lung
cancer, and around December of that year he had one lung removed, and
then the following month, in January, he had one kidney removed because of
lung cancer. And the doctor said, well, we'll do everything we can,
but I suggest you go home and get your fears in order during the
next six months. So we were both dumbfound it. But thirty years he
said, so many health issues and I miss him. I love miss so
much and he just as a month. And I've been trying to read all
the grief books and understand all these things. But I'm sorry for crime.
Go through crying without wanting to, and then it'll be okay. But why
would you try to stop your crying? Why would you try and stop your
tears? Because they make me feel like I shouldn't be doing that, that
I should be strong and brave and all the things you mentioned sometimes about being
courageous. Oh but that's not no, that's that is fiction. There is
nothing weak about tears. There's there is only one place without tears, that
says in scripture, and that's heaven, and that's the fulfillment of everything,
and there's no need for them. Hope is fulfilled. But while you're here
on earth, that is given to you as a gift to experience, to
continue to have a physical reaction along with your emotions to a loss, a
love, tears of joy, tears of pain, those are precious. They're
not weak, not weak at all. Well, when you Mintioned mentioned passion
a short time ago, I thought, you know, during all these years,
the past two years, he was pen bound and I was with them
all the time, helping him and taking care of them, and he never
complained. He was always such a good person, and I would get short
with him sometimes. I think sometimes now I think I should have been kinder.
But I always say passion for not what what you said about I was
always he would say, oh, i'll see in a few minutes, because
I keep going back in and talking to him or telling him something. And
I said, I can't help it. Here like a magnet, you just
I just like seeing you, you know anyway. But I'm not even sure
what to say anymore. He was just such a kind I think I think
part of it was he was my everything. He was my friend, he
was my husband, he was my confidant, he was everything. He was
a little boy sometimes and a strong man. And and I just miss all
of those people. Well, the best of them are all of those things
and more. And God trusted his heart to you, He brought you to
him and him to you, and trusted both of you with each other's lives.
And as far as getting upset, and there are so many emotions when
somebody is sick, and it is about the mechanical and the most boring basic
things of having to feed or go back and forth when somebody can't. That's
the basic fatigue, lack of sleep, those are just the basic mechanics.
And then deep down it's also the sadness that shows up as anger. That
what that means is, you know, we're not who we used to be,
or I can't experience you in the same way as we used to,
or you know I miss these things. It comes out in many different ways.
But what you said is profound. You said he was like a magnet.
That's the way relationships should be, not in a compulsive way, but
dependent way, where it's just the mere presence of them has power. Just
them being in the other room, even if you're not talking, just the
being around and feeling the energy of somebody in your life is powerful. It's
beautiful. That's exactly That's exactly how it was. And he had a little
room that he liked to be in with the TV and sports and movies and
reading the paper. And he was always always could make me laugh or smile.
And he was so witty and so kind, and I would always peek
in on him. He had a door that was used to be an old
door, like in the old fashioned I forget what you call him telephone booths,
Oh, yes, last panels. So even when the door was closed,
if I had to go into the other bathroom or into wheeling had in
the bathroom, I would always cross by that door. I always could see
him sleeping or watching TV or reading. And it always, I don't know,
it always gave me a sense of I don't know how to describe it,
like wonderment or something, just how he could be so calm and generous
with his time and energy and storytelling you. Oh, he was a wonderful
storyteller and oh, thank you for letting me talk about it, make so
much better. Of course, you know, there's some things that I would
love for you to take with you today, and one of them is to
maybe journal the stories as best as you can, to write them down in
a book, and the way it was brought to you, and the understanding
of those things because you're kind of the curator. I tell people this a
lot that you've got to understand. When you're the one that outlives someone,
you end up being the curator of their jokes, of their thoughts, of
their ideas, and if you put them down on paper, it's a good
thing they live. There there's something you can look at and see that it's
tangible and reread and it helps you categorize some of these emotions and memories and
in a loving and fun way. And it's like, you know, the
book of your husband and certain things like that. Secondly, how old were
you when you met Oh? I think just under forty maybe well when we
first met, oh, probably in by thirties. Okay, So now imagine
all the life you lived prior to meeting him. Yes, that life is
what attracted him to you. Now of course, beauty and the way you
moved, and your eyes and your smile and all these things are there.
But that knowledge, the things that you learned, the way you listened,
the stories you told, all of that is what made him love you.
And your job now is to continue those things, continue learning, continue laughing,
continue living in a way that honors your relationship, honors the time that
he took with you, honors the time that you took with him, and
that honors God and the time that you had together in him putting you two
together, and to take those things and to appreciate them by living still.
He was your everything in the way that you focused on each other, but
he's not your everything in reality. You came in to that relationship with everything,
and you leave that relationship with everything, including the beautiful memories of being
with him and what you both gave to each other. So, Joyce,
I want you to go and peace, my dear, on this Christmas Eve,
and I want you to think happy thoughts, and I want you to
write down the thoughts of holidays, pasts, of stories past, and of
things that Joyce wants to do. What is Joyce going to do now?
What does this remainder of your life look like, how are you going to
honor that relationship by continuing to live? Which is the best thing to do
when someone passes is to continue to honor them by living. Allison, Welcome
to the Jesus Christ Show. Good morning and Happy Christmas. Well, happy
Christmas to you. How can I help you? So, my wonderful,
beautiful six year old who's extremely intelligent and well spoken and reads well and understands
at a greater level that most think, rafiss to want to go with me
today to Christmas Eve service to celebrate your birth? Well not uncommon, So
as a parent, what's your initial gut reaction? I'm a little frustrated because
this young man is blessed beyond means. His mommy and his daddy is a
chef who just lost his job because of the twenty dollars an hour increase.
His mommy is a housekeeper that works when he's at school so that she's available
to him all day. And he is never without, he has never been
without. And I just there's just something about this that is really really bugging
me. Jesus. Well, one, I wouldn't force it. It's much
easier when you start early, and I will tell you that just as a
point of comfort, not to take from your personal story. But my producer,
Neil Savadra has a seven year old and goes through the same thing.
It's not just you. It is complicated. Kids are very smart. As
a matter of fact, there are studies that show that kids think on a
genius level, and that basically people parents' schools kind of ungeniusfy them because as
trying to put people in a box and teach them about different things rather than
understanding and reasoning. But kids are very good problem solvers. Kids have a
great intellect, They're thirsty, and they're taking it all in the concept of
God, the concept of faith, and the concept of these things are very
difficult because everything is provided for them. So imagine this with all those great
blessings and all those things that you described, that your child has the brain
of a six year old. Now you take Adam and Eve, you put
them in perfection, in paradise, in the presence of God, and they
still don't get it. So don't expect the a six year old to get
it all. I would start maybe with stories. There is a Bible that
I referred to on this show, and I recommend called the Picture Bible.
And yeah, so that's a great start, especially when you go through the
holidays. You can read from that. There are cartoons that can be helpful
about the basics of the of the story of what's going on. Nativities in
the house can be helpful. Yeah. I don't mean to interrupt you,
but I will make you laugh. Literally, when I was explaining to him
why we got to go to Christmas church, he ran and grabbed his little
book of the Charlie Brown Christmas and he read me the passage that line that's
read him. He's like, I understand Christmas, Mommy, I don't need
to go to church. Okay, well, see that's a really wonderful thing.
And by the way, I'll let the other part slide. But when
it comes to understanding, that's the first part. That's first part of everything.
You understand what it is first, and then you understand what that means,
what that knowledge means, and then you apply it. A six year
old is not going to apply it. As a matter of fact, a
six year old is not at the point of understanding. It's a matter some
theologians believe that Heaven forbid, if he passed today, he's not accountable for
what he doesn't know because he's six. Some people say it's ten, some
people say it's twelve. All of these things the reality, Alison, all
you can be is an example. If he doesn't understand church or doesn't want
to participate, that's a bigger issue of trying to explain the importance of getting
together with other people. And there'll be other kids and they'll be opportunities to
learn some things and ask questions, but it is it's complicated, and unless
they're going to church day one and it's just part of the family, it's
more difficult to introduce it to them later. And having that structure is important,
but it's not always easy, especially in today's world. But the fact
that a kid doesn't want to go to church, it's not the end of
the world. The key is to understand first, because his communion, his
connection is with you, your family. That's where he's getting his coin and
thee at right now. That communion, that connection later it will come from
the church body, and you'll have to weave that in the curiosity. The
curiosity starts now in understanding it's Christmas Eve, Merry Christmas to you. I
know that there's a lot going on in the world, but celebrations and festivals
and feasts and these things can be important to remind you what life is and
why it's worth fighting for, why it's worth celebrating, and in this particular
case, to give thanks towards the birth of a savior that could bring salvation
to those that believe and have faith. Now, not everybody will be in
a state of joy, but this is still a time of gathering and connecting.
Eight hundred five to zero one five three four is the number if you
have a theology question or life situation question anywhere in the US of a eight
hundred five to zero one five three four. Joanna, Welcome to the Jesus
Christ Show. Hi Jesus, Yeah, thank you for and and your resurrection
of course. And I just, you know, like a lot of moms,
I'm sure and grandmother's I just you know, I'm getting I'm seeing all
the packages I've wrapped and I'm still making some food. And I feel like
with my kids, my daughter, I'm just tolerated. It's not like I'm
even wanted there. And I don't want to be like, you know,
it's just hurtful because I know I'm going to go there, and it's just
like they're doing an obligation. And my son probably won't even say a word
to me, and my daughter just tolerates. And this attitude has influenced I
feel like my grandkids a bit not I mean, they just don't see that
included. I live like two miles from my daughter, for example, and
here's an example. So you know, her and her husband are making Tomlly's.
Well you know, she's Hispanic, he's not. And it's like a
you know, tradition in my faily for years, I am not included.
I'm not asked to come, I'm not asked for any you know, and
it's this is the first time they've done it. And my daughter said,
oh yeah, well we've got to Tomali's. You know, it's too much
with a lot of people. But then she let me know that she had
invited Mark my granddaughters, and it's hurtful. I just don't I know,
there's a lot of things in the past, but I've tried to you know,
well we her dad and I got a divorce, and her anger towards
me, it just doesn't stop. It just doesn't matter for the sake of
you know, time, we're obviously limited, and I want to ask you
a couple questions, Joanna. First of all, is dad still in the
picture anywhere? Yeah? My ex husband he lives two blocks for me,
and he's not We're neither one of us are married, although he has been
married two other times after me. Oh great, he's not married. So
does he have a relationship with the kids and the grandchildren? Oh? Yeah,
they adore him. Okay, So did you activate the divorce? I
left? Yeah? I left? Yeah, I left. Okay. So
in your words, and I know this can be hard to be objective,
but to look outside of the situation, why do you think they have a
problem with you? Well, I'm I guess I do have strong opinions,
but I don't scare them. And then when I do, when I get
abused, what I feel like I've been used too much? Then it comes
out in a way that's not good. Okay, So you weaponize your responses
too, Well, yeah it has been, but well, well after years,
you know, it takes a while. I mean, it's just so
much abuse. Like we were, I was babysitting constantly, and you know,
I'm seventy at least I was sixty five at the time and just totally
just dropping them off and not concern And then when they're relatives, when his
family would come over from out of state, they would be taking him to
dinner, taking going to the kids of the zoo. But my hex cousin
and I were simply the drop off people. And after a while, Yeah,
it got to feel like geez, you know, so your ex husband
was doing the same thing, doing something similar, picking up, dropping off.
Did he have the same problems with it that you did. No,
he did it, he did it. No, he doesn't. He doesn't
that ever at all. You know. Well, then can I just say
one thing, Jesus, this is just so it's so okay, So just
real quick, Like a month ago, October twenty fourth, my sister,
my oldest sister, this ady called me her kids embezzled her entire account,
which was over one million dollars, and quick claimed her home. She called
me from out of state. Yeah, she called me from out of state.
She's not even my closest sister, but you know, she's my sister.
So I said, I'm coming out there. I'll fly out there,
and I brought my ex husband. He's pretty mild mannered and she's you know,
he's despite the fact we've in drawers whatever fifty years, we're still close
in the family, and he felt she felt like she needed we needed some
support. So I went over that when we got there, and in this
rushed to save my sister because he the people that in Bezels are sitting there
in her home boasting that they have her house now. So we get her
car. We started reading and my ex husband ended up having this episode where
he was like lost his mind, and I think later it was maybe having
to do with the hell high altitude from where we were living, and I
had to spend time in the emergency room. They wanted to do all this
stuff. I get my sister home back to California and he had some tests.
It didn't show anything, and my daughter was very angry that I didn't
stay there. I cannot stay. I'm in California. Your dad seems okay
now he found herself out, Joanna. She won't speak to me now,
okay. Well, we're up against the clock, and that's something. There's
something no. But I just want to say this, my dear, because
I can hear the frustration. I can't pull all the people in your daughters
you're at I only have you the work. Sounds like it's your work that
needs to be done. Don't worry about them, And that's going to take
You're going to have to face it and say to make this better. You
know you're going to want to hear exactly what their problem is, your family,
your daughters, because it it seems, I mean, even you giving
me specific dates October twenty fourth or these, that you keep things differently,
you hold them differently in your heart, and you express them differently, and
for what other whatever reason, that makes it difficult for people to enjoy your
presence, and then you don't enjoy it. And I don't think you deserve
to be in that situation, and I don't think they deserve to be in
that situation. But the key is with you for your life, because you're
the one that's bold and brave enough to call in and ask the question.
I'm giving you the answer, and that is you need to do some work
on yourself. But first of all, you need to have some very tough
either letter exchanges or sit downs with your daughter and say, what is it
about me that bothers you? I'm giving you don't argue with them. Don't
any of that. You just take it, go home with it and see
what is real and what you feel you need to work on, because this
is to better you, not better them. You know, we come together
on Sundays. This show has been on for over two decades. I know,
right, kind of nutty, isn't it. It's been syndicated for over
a decade, a meaning that it airs on some eighty stations or so across
the country. And years and the cycles go by, and inevitably we come
across at least two major holidays, Christmas and Easter, and the importance of
these holidays to the believer, to the Christian, one is the birth of
hope and one is the fulfillment of hope. The birth of hope obviously,
is celebrated on Christmas, and the completion the actualizing of that hope is on
Easter, the death on the Cross and the resurrection. If nothing else,
in the pain, in the loss, and a lot of loss still in
calls, we can't get to whether it's Dennis's sweet dog Anne and her friend
that she's trying to help, whatever it might be, contemplation of the afterlife
from John, whatever it might be going through your head today on Christmas,
whatever it is, try to focus on the hope of the birth, the
newness of the birth, the faith that surrounded the birth, not only of
Mary, the faith of Joseph, the faith of the magi to traverse to
get to see the baby King. Focus on that hope. With every death
there is newness, with the end of something is the beginning of something else.
And to stare as much pain as it has involved in the loss of
something or someone, and that pain is real and should be experienced. However,
in addition to that comes the reality of life, of more trials and
understanding, of more blessings, of more curiosity and fulfillment of knowledge, of
passing torches on to younger and newer generations. And even in all the pain
and confusion in the world, if just within this season you can take the
time and lean your faith on a birth and the newness of that birth,
then maybe that and wanting to serve others and having a servant's heart will give
you a perspective and insight that will go beyond your circumstances or situation and guide
you into an understanding that goes beyond this world into the next. Merry Christmas
and remember these simple words, I am with you Always. KFI AM six on demand