You. It's not Hello. Welcome to Laura Kane after Dark. I'm Laura
Kane, and it's my birthday tomorrow, your anniversary tomorrow. Well actually day,
actually it was on I think Wednesday. No, I think it was
on Tuesday. The actual day was the twenty first, really I think.
Now. First of all, welcome to Laura Kane after Dark. I'm Laura
Kane. Everybody. This is Eric Rimmer, my loyal and wonderful cost my
work husband. You're my hot You're my husband husband, not just work.
That's that's a desperation though, Well it's out of yes, desperation and necessity.
Oh wait, you have the thing? What did you bring the thing?
What thing that you got from the website? The thing? Oh I
forgot? Okay, that'll be next week. Should we tell him what it
is? Oh? God? Anyway, and producer Brian Yes, you saw
him. Okay. So we are having a party tomorrow night. We are
have very limited tickets. This is a sold out concert. It's George Michael
Reborn. You may have heard the interview we did with Robert Bartkoe, who
is the singer. He looks just like George Michael. He sounds just like
George Michael. He's it's the most fun show you will go to. And
it's already sold out us at Vahaus Casino and Resort, and they're giving us
some tickets to give to our listeners. And so you know what, at
this point, DM us at Laura Kane after Dark and I will email you
your tickets because I think he's I haven't received them yet, but I will
be getting them and then I'll email no, no, no, no,
of course I'm going to get them. But look, this is what we're
gonna do. Doors open at six o'clock for us. You can always just
come and party with us, really and then just hang out in the casino.
But we have a raffle and we have some cool prizes to give.
Oh way, First of all, we have Laura Kane after Dark merch.
Look at that hoodie. Look at that No, that's a beautiful hoodie right
there. Okay, we have t shirts and Lahoya Cosmetic gave us this beautiful
set of elastin and those products are amazing. They're amazing. This is like
almost a two hundred dollars value you get that whole set. I mean when
you look at me now, after I've used those products. Don't you just
want to diaper my face because it's like got baby's but it looks so freaking
good. No, don't take that from me. Where you taking that?
I'm holding up? Oh? That isn't that what a husband's supposed to?
Wow? You get so grabby. Wow. We're supposed to pleasure her and
she is clearly gone a long long time without a man's touch. Yeah,
hold on, let me let me do the shocker. It's not the shocker.
Wait with the shocker at that your don't do that, don't do don't
say it the shocker. Oh one on the penguin on the stake. Oh
god, well now I can't say his name. I'm not gonna what is
giving Let's have a moment of silence. What's the crickets? Just thank you,
Brian, thank you. I appreciate shocker. I know it's shocking.
Is how much Jay Wurtzler can help you, and he's helped us by providing
a hunch is amazing. For your gambling names or whatever you want, this
is going to be auctioned off thanks to Jay. Put it in the g
string of a dancer. We're going to a strip club and then this is
all. I took this on the airplane with me. That's one of the
best. It is all crumpled, but look at how full it is.
Full of crystals and jewelry from San Diego. Crystals and jewelry. Our friends
great are so great. So we have all these fun prizes to auction off.
Not auction off. We are doing a raffle, so it's gonna be
really fun. And then the doors officially open at seven the show starts.
I think it's seven thirty or eight, and it's outside, and so bring
a jacket and then we're just gonna have fun. We're gonna party. It's
my actual birthday, but we are celebrating Brian's two years with the show.
Brian, I want to know what has been Well, this is probably a
stupid question. What has been the high point of these two years? Do
you want to sit over there? The pinnacle? The pinnacle? Let me
think there have been two. You have to speak one. Okay, it
was Tuesday, really the hair some porn, Yeah, yeah, oh my
god, I will say the kanu is the first kan This thing was quite
the shock too though. That was pretty That was pretty cool, Okay,
but might have to give it to old Harrison Ford. Now, what was
what has been the worst part about every other week besides the ones with the
I don't know low point? Yeah? Was is there anything like that?
You're you regret saying or you like you regret doing answering his phone on his
day off? Are you looking for an apology? I'm just we used to
play this game with the kids, like what was your high and what was
your low today? So I just wanted to get high today, but low.
I'm just saying over the two years with the podcast. But anyway,
okay, nothing but highs, nothing but highs. Well, no, there's
just there's only a couple of highs I can think of, and there's a
lot of load. Do you notice that both of the highs were me related?
Yeah, Laura has never gotten me high. So yeah, because I
don't do that, duh, duh. And you don't know anybody. I
don't know anybody famous. Okay, we have a debate. Oh, by
the way, if you want to go to the party, lorcan after dark
Instagram dms and if we have any tickets left, they're yours, okay,
and otherwise just show up via house resort. I guess you know, Friday
night. It's gonna be a blast six o'clock. Okay, Now this we're
going to party like it's uh, nineteen forty two. That's why I'm wearing
my party dress right now. Nineteen forty two. Yeah, the brink during
the middle of the World War two. Yeah. Yeah, Soon we're all
going to go work a shift if the munition factory. Yeah. Now this
incensed me. And this is this is wrong. This is wrong on all
sorts of counts. But I want to know what your opinion is. A
judge has ruled in Indiana that tacos are indeed sandwiches. Bullshit, No,
and so are burritos. They're not a sandwich. What a dumb, dumb,
They're not a sandwich. Tacos are not sandwiches. No, sandwiches have
bread. Bread makes a sandwich not necessarily, okay, but a taco ain't
a sandwich. No. Well, okay, here's the thing. I had
tacos for lunch today. Oh see, I can say two things can be
sandwich together. There's no bread there, Well, what's bread? What if
I get? What if I do like gluten free bread, that's the bread,
Like Brian and I could sandwich you. No, Listen. There's some
dude that was trying to open a taco shop in a strip mall in Fort
Wayne, and he ran into red tape because the contract limits the type of
restaurants that are allowed in this strip mall, so they could only sell made
to order subway style sandwiches. So he went to court and he claimed that
his tacos and his burritos are sandwiches, and so he is allowed to sell
them there. And then the judge said yes, and so now he can
open up his a little time. That's the dummies, Okay, I shame
of mine. I hate that guy is such a prick. He went to
the judge just so you can get out of his contract that he already signed.
I'm on, yeah, no, I'm I'm on the I'm happy for
him he gets a tacos, dummy, but I'm not elsewhere. You can't
sign a contract then go to the courts and be like, I didn't like
the contract I signed. Please redefine taco so I can. God, if
he would have done his due diligence and you know, studied at first,
maybe he wouldn't have been such a dip ship. But a dummy. We
can all agree though they are not sandwiches and noo no, okay, here's
the thing. If you go to Taco Bell and you get the crunch wrap,
it's kind of like a sandwich. There we're drawn, we're walking the
line. There there's some that's Taco Bell where they have Z grade meat.
I want that crunch wrap spring. I am not really, I am not
taking you to get it. Oh come on, I get the black bean
one. Oh never mind, don't take her. We are you down for
that? If it doesn't have mean I wanna go? You don't, but
you're gonna. Oh you're gonna. I'll go to might. I might spring
for mommy for her birthday. Oh my god, it is one worth three
week Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean god, if all she
wants it Taco Bell, jeezy. You know I'll pay this time because I
got the hairson fore posters, so let me pay it back. Wow,
my person gets seventy five cents each. We could, we could, we
could feed feed ourselves for a week on seventy five cents of Taco Bell.
You think they're sauce packets are less than that? Yeah, totally. You
know what? You know what's expensive everything? Well, yeah, Oh my
god, let me go on. Okay, I'm gonna go on an aeric
grant. Oh boy, I live How far way do you think I live?
For from the airport a mile and a half. You are much farther
than that, maybe three. Maybe keep talking about fact check it. I
went over the weekend to go see Charlie and Maya in Portland. Oh,
I know what you're gonna say. And I got home on Monday about I
don't know, two forty Five's when I needed the Uber. So a PM
on Monday, it's like three miles all right, okay, so I literally
live three miles from the airport. Let me guess how much it was forty
dollars? Just about it was thirty two dollars. And so the guy was
telling me, He's like, you know, because I blurted it out to
the driver, I'm like, why was this ride to the airport thirteen dollars
and the back from is now thirty two? I don't get it. He
goes, that is Uber screwing both you and me. He goes, He
goes, I only get twelve dollars of this, he goes, Uber gets
all the rest, he goes. Everybody's in coots with everybody else, and
then it was making me feel and then I got supercars. I thought,
it's gonna puke. Listen, so she can't blame me. Oh my god,
that would be so awesome if you would have thrown out Oh no,
oh my god, that would have been amazing. It's just I it's expensive
to run uber as a company though, But seriously, thirty two dollars.
I mean, I'm thinking, was is it the time of day? Did
they know that it was? It was super packed at the airport. My
question is, what's like the comparable taxi rates? Like our taxi is more
expensive, cheaper, Like this is why I don't take a taxi because they
get so mad. Oh when you tell them that you live three miles away.
Oh yeah, because they're sitting there at the airport waiting for that big
fare and then I come along. I get in the town, I'm like,
oh, I'm just going up the hill. Oh I've gotten some really
mad people. So I don't I stay away from thirteen bucks. Twelve bucks
bring back taxis. I know, I know totally totally experience. It is
totally experienced, and I just I just want to say that I am so
proud of my son. He is just he has created the most beautiful life
in Portland with his fiance Maya, and he just got a new job,
which is like a big boy job with a company car and everything. And
just watching the way that they interact with each other, I'm like, that
is true love. There's no doubt in my mind that those two people were
made for each other. And they just moved into a new house that they're
renting, and they have a little dog. And I'm telling you what,
I'm going to be a grandmother by the time the next year rolls around.
I guaranteed, I feel it. I bet it. I bet his wedding
is going to be really fun. No, don't And you know what,
I will be Eric well and we'll be able to talk about it. I'm
still I'm still going go crash it told you. Do you want to come?
Keep one eye open. I can't count. I hear it's at b
yo F wedding. Bring your own firecrackers. Oh yeahers b yo R.
Bring your own rage where I'm gonna object to everything. It's just so cool
to see your kids. I mean, it's I'm sad not having my kids.
I would love if my kids lived with me still, I mean,
I'm weird like that. Would you like me to move in with you?
No, you're too bratty. You're much too bratty for my kids were never
bratty like like you're How are we going to live together in our old age?
If you think I'm bratty, now you're going to grumpier. Oh no,
yeah, because the older you get, the grumpier you can. Sorry,
you signed up for it. There are solutions that problem and they all
start with the word vallium rd xanax or we're going to make you some smoothies
perfect. I don't care. Well, you just rubbed my feet, change
my diaper. Okay, we'll be so doped up gummy bears. It's fine
for Grandpa. I'll be like Laura, I have to go to the never
mind the maiden here quick? And then do you want to know are you
guys going anywhere from Memorial Day? Are you going to stay right here?
Right here at your house? Now? Listen a lot. This is the
second most popular destination San Diego. Did you know that No? Number one?
I guess which number one is? For a Memorial Day weekend? Think
about it. It's going to be shite show the Texas Vegas. Think about
the crowds on the sidewalk. I wouldn't think to go to Vegas Memorial Day.
I wouldn't either. Yeah. Well, a lot of people have Monday
off, so they Oh, let's go to Vegas for three days. You
know what I mean? Wait, I can say about anything. I can
say, let's go Disneyland for three days. Let's go to la for three
you know I'm going. I'm going that week, but I'm leaving on Thursday.
Oh yeah, you're going to see Oh that's right, that's right,
Christina Aguilera. Oh you're going to come home with some stories. It's going
to be really freaking crowded. Oh I'm gonna probably are you going to say
somewhere nice? Yeah? Okay, I'm maybe jailed. I'm not sure.
So if you're driving, here's the deal. Here's when you should drive.
On one, you shouldn't drive because I guess a lot of people are going
to be driving. A lot of people are traveling. So here's on Thursday
and Friday. The best times to drive are before eleven o'clock in the morning.
Okay, avoid noon to six pm at all costs. On Thursday and
Friday. Okay, Saturday, you're good ish maybe hopefully the whole day,
but Sunday and Monday will be psychotic. So the worst times midday and between
three and seven, forget about it. I mean. Also, I would
just say avoid all tourist attractions. And maybe you're San Diego hotspots. Yeah,
I know about your you're a family and you're a working family, and
you have that day off. You want to go do something fun with them
if you're fine. I'm not worry about the traffic, I know. Just
you know, just stay and chill and watch some really good speaking of driving.
What your car? What's wrong with Oh no, don't even go there.
Real quick though, Let's talk about our sponsors. Oh of course,
and then we'll go there. Yeah, we need to talk about let's let's
be somebody is going to be sucking a big bag OFDS. Oh my god,
Oh my god. Okay, silence our sponsors, and then we'll talk
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that J has going on the day after the past. It is Saturday,
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see the new office, which is beautiful. It's located at one two six
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thirty on Saturday, May twenty fifth. Refreshments will be served and that is
true because I went last year, and there were donuts, there was coffee,
and there was a big giant truck that was shredding all sorts of stuff.
So and the advisors are out there talking to everybody, shred your birth
certificate or your I don't even know where that is. I told you that
a while ago. Yeah. Okay, so the car what what? Now?
What now? So? Remember the saga was I got the car back
after they had to detail it and fix the damage they had caused, right,
correct. So when I the very next day, when I when I
drove the car home, I was like, why does it still seem like
it's doing what it was doing when I brought it in? So I call
them. They're like, come back. So I come back and they said,
oh, because I still needed them to address some cosmetic issues, all
these scratches and stuff that were in the hood. And I'm like, now
that the car was clean after having nine months off, you can see it
all rap on it. Yeah. One of the things they said was,
I said, what's this right here? And they said, oh, that's
fecal matter from birds. It ate through the clear coat. Okay. And
I said, okay, so you're going to fix that right? Oh?
No, that's a very expensive procedure. And I said, well, it
wasn't here when I brought the car in, so I don't care how much
it costs. You guys are going to fix it. Yeah, because you
park in a parking streke r I have a garage. Yeah. So I'm
like, I'm not No, this wasn't here when I drove it in.
So I said, also, the car is like lurching and it's an automatic,
and I go it, it's not supposed to do that. And they
said, listen, you have a twenty twenty four transmission with an engine that's
a few years old, so it's going to need a minute to merge.
And I'm like, that doesn't sound right now. It doesn't sound right right,
doesn't. But I've never had a transmission go out on a fairly new
car. So I was like, Okay, how long is this am I
supposed to drive it around? Oh? It should? Well? I drive
it around for a week and it just seemed like it was getting worse.
So I had a friend of mine in the car with me, and he
was like, what what is going on with your car? I thought it
was fixed and I was like yeah, and he goes, oh, it's
not supposed to do that. So I called the very next day and I
was like, I'm bringing the car in. Okay. So I bring the
car in. They have the head mechanic drive it while I'm sitting in the
path in your seat. How often does it do this? I said,
every time I've driven the car since I got it back. Oh, it's
not supposed to do that. And I was like, well, cal saprize.
You know, so does the fact that going back? Yes, So
this bomb gets dropped. Oh well, you know it's a it's a refurbished
transmission. And I'm like, hold on, oh, I'm like, you
mean I waited almost a year to get my car back, and now you're
telling me that it was a refurbished transmission in there. Oh, well it
has all new dealer parts. I'm like, no, no, that doesn't
mean anything. No wonder it's doing this. So we go back in and
I'm all, uh uh nope. So they're like, okay, well we're
gonna have to you know. So now I've got the corporate side involved.
I have an attorney because because they called me on Friday and said, okay,
you got yourself an attorney. Oh yeah. So oh yeah, so
get this. So they my car has a ten year warranty on it.
So now I'm already down a here. Now they're saying, okay, so
the computer doesn't pick up anything, but we know something's wrong, and I'm
all yeah, because you put a refurbished transmission in so and my car was
a or is a limited edition. So they're like, okay, well we're
trying to fix it. We're trying to fix it. And I'm all,
trying is not good enough, Like it either needs to be fixed or you
need to get me a new car. Where's the car now at the dealership?
How long has it been there? A week? So they call on
Friday and they're like, so, yeah, the only other thing we can
do is we're gonna bring in this computer that we hook up to the car
while we're driving it to see if it gives us any different readings. And
I said and if it doesn't, they're like, well, then you'll have
to call No. I said, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, I'm not calling anybody. You guys can do
it because you're the one that did the work on the car. I'm gonna
give them a new car you got I was like, give me a new
car. So then they said, well, you know, we're trying to
repair it. We might have to put another transmission in. And I was
like, nope, okay, so what is okay? Why did you get
an attorney? Like what's going to happen? Because they're like, well,
you have to allow us to try and fix the car. And I'm like,
well you already I want a new car, okay. So I said,
so what you mean to tell me is if it needs another transmission,
I'm going to get another refurbished transmission and I'm going to have to wait almost
another year for it. So I'm now down two years on my warranty that
they won't extend. So I'm like, I'm getting an attorney. And I
called the attorney's office and there I'll send us everything you have. This sounds
like it. So you're are you suing for like like like emotional oh anything
or any of that kind of stuff. Initially I wasn't asking for any money.
All I wanted him to do was extend the least to extend the warranty.
And since they refused to do it, now it's game on, motherfuckers.
Oh my imagine Eric gets rich from suing a car manufacturer. I know
they mess with the wrong you're suing enough the amount of what a new car
would cost or more than that. No, I just want them to replace
the car, to replace the car. Okay, well then that's reasonable.
That is so reasonable. That'll amount to damages though, you'll that'll just be
a monetary value. So but tack on some extra, yeah, tack on
you. You should tack on emotional like distress and stuff, because it didn't
emotionally stress. Yes, but it's just stressed. Well, yeah, behalf
of us family. Yes, we've been dealing with this. I'm like,
do you know the stress that this is put on my wife? She can't
have children anymore because of it. She is bone dry because of this.
Her ovary fell out by my front door right after the car back by exactly.
All right, we're gonna play what's your Price? We love this game?
Five million dollars. But I need to get the pads, the little
pads, so talk about you might just say it. I switch cameras back
and forth, and okay, I don't think it adds anything to write it
down. It's kind of funny to like flip it around. But all right,
school one at the time. Yea. Each person will say it,
okay, great, okay, let's have a little bit of music. Put
on anything, maybe the absolutely god, you are so accommodating. Brain.
I tried my best. He's a he is a brat too. This is
a high point. Let's see boom and No, this is too creepy and
scary. That was for like the ghost honey one. No, not yet,
not yet. We haven't done the bit yet. Come on, okay,
here we go, Come on. I was about to get up.
I was about to get up, but here we go. I can layer
them. Oh wow, okay, what's your price? Drink a cup of
another person in this room sweat? A full cup? Oh no, oh
god, so either a cup of mice sweat or a cup of Brian sweat.
Full thing? No, A million dollars No, but okay, I
want you to be realistic. Don't just say, okay, I'm not drinking
anybody's a bottle. It's just sweat. It'd be salty. Five grand oh
no, five grands a lot of money because you can't. Can you catch
anything from sweat? Just gross? Okay, you know what at this plate?
Fifty dollars. She's like just to get me back to even on the
checking negative. I do it for one thousand dollars, I know, fifteen
hundreds. I do it for fifteen hundred. By the way, I mean
Eric going to go to Taco Bell by ourselves because we don't hang out with
poorsy Oh stop it, stop it. Oh my god. What's your price
to let a world champion box or punch you in the stomach? Oh that
can kill you? Oh hell no, yeah, that can kill you.
Well, it's not going to kill you, but it's gonna hurt. How
much? What's my recovery time? Looking like I don't have details? Ten
million? This is this under a thousand? Thank you? He's more real
times infinity. Yeah, that's thing. Oh my god, that it's not
gonna kill us. This that I will put that on? Will it rupture
my spleen'n? It's just gonna hurt, Like, Oh, it's just gonna
hurt. It's gonna hurt, it's not gonna I'm not gonna be hospitalized.
Oh then it's not that hard of a punch. No, I'm gonna say
one hundred thousand. I think I would do it for seventy five hundred Okay,
I just want to realize a championship boxer, one punch to your stomach
probably would kill you. It's not definitely it would oh my boos? Yeah
yeah, okay. What's your price to surgically attach your pinky to your ring
finger? What does that even mean? Just to make one super long millions?
Oh? That way? I don't know, Maybe this way or maybe
this way I get my million, I'd chop it off. Would you reattach
your little pinky? Then of course you're pinky to your ring finger? Oh?
These two? Oh yes, I know what that means. I think
this, I think this like this, it's like the shocker. Well it
is that. I think you're like floating. Okay, this is not a
gang. That's the shocker for somebody that's had the shocker like several times.
Oh looks like he's had the shocker when it's physically impossible for him to get
shocked like that. Kidding? Yeah, all right, well we'll move on.
What's your price? No, think about it. Don't blurt out ten
dollars, isn't why I look what I blurted out one billion dollars? Now,
be real? You know you getting you getting that crunch burrito is becoming
thinner and thinner and thinner. I just gonna get her a packet of hot
I'm going to get a drink, and I'm gonna get cinnamon balls of cinnamon
balls. Oh yeah, you must have found money since there's a restriction left
my wallet at someplace that I care. I'm getting a two pack. I
might even get a four pack. I'll do the ordering. That's yeah,
I think Brian should order. How much is your water? Like it's free?
I'm like, oh, that's too much. You must have pepsi with
Taco Bell No, never, Okay, I'm a coke person. I like
Coca Cola better than pepsi. But but when you eat a taco belt,
you need to have a pepsi with it? Does It's so wrong about this
how the food slide out of your buttthole easier? It just is what it
is. No, let me turn you on something. If you go to
Taco Bell, you have to get Mountain Dew Baja blasts. And that's not
just me. That is a cultural thing you must get. But why because
that's the only place that has Baha blasts. You just have to get it.
Okay, But what is is it delicious? Ever? It? No?
You should get it? Throw up taco bell? Oh, let's do
it? Why are you going to throw up? If you have a baja
blast? You might? I might, But if I throw up, it's
gonna be the best thing. Ever. You're not gonna throw up? All
right? No? Here throw Oh my god? What's your price? Yes?
To pierce your belly button? Oh? Ten grand? I'm taking it
right out afterwards too. Actually I do it for a grand. I'm taking
it right out afterwards, like Pierce, give me my check. It's coming
out. The lowest you go is the is a thousand? Otherwise the same
worth doing three grand? Okay? Okay, so now are you being more
realistic? I would do it for one hundred bucks? Like, what's the
point of It's just for a hundred bucks. That's not that much pain,
you know, I mean, I know for you, one hundred bucks will
go a long way. But right now, that's a lot of taco bell.
Okay, like a fear for three days, we're going to pretend that
we are all single individuals, right for this question? Okay, what's your
price to legally marry a stranger? Can I divorce them? Yeah? Can
I have them sind a prenup beforehand. I don't. Probably, Oh,
it's probably think about like married at first million? One hundred million, really
one hundred million? Yeah you could, like you could, Laurie. Here's
the thing. I'm in a committed relationship. I know. I said we're
not. We're not during this question. There is no world. There is
no world that I exist and that I'm not in said relationship. So I
reject the premise. You wouldn't understand because you're as dry as desert. But
I'm going to get a what should I do? Hey, if you want
your taco bell? Oh wow, this is your this is your That was
a carrot that just got dangled in front of you. Okay, look at
me, look at me. You want taco bell. I'm getting taco bell.
And you know what, and read the next question. I would do
it for five million. I'm going to get I'm going to get a party
pack of tacos too great, and then they'll say anything else. I say,
yeah, taking off the last ten things. No, I'm going to
get some Simon twists. She just wants lunch for a week. Yeah,
that's exactly what it is. Some bean burritos and you'll get done ordering.
I'll say, great, that'll be on two separate checks. IF's like,
Laura, did you cater a party here? There's just like ten weeks worth
of taco bell in there. No, I forgot what I was saying.
McDonald's is expensive. Have you been to McDonald's. No, because McDonald's gross.
No, their fries aren't. Hello, No, the fries are the
grossest thing. No. All right, So for me right now to legally
marry a stranger, I do it for five dollars three the license of the
filing fee. I think i'd do it for fifty grand. You do it
for less? Why would you buy yourself? So? Sure? You do
it for ten grand? What's the big deal? I can always just get
an an moment or divorce. Go get half of it. Some old guy
from like Dubai will pay you five million dollars to marry you. Oh,
that'd be great. See. Will you find that guy for me? Sure?
Let me. Yeah. By the way, I was down in Seaport
Village and there was a yacht that was parked there. Guess how much the
yacht was? Eight million dollar? Fifty million? Yeah, yachts are really
expensive. Who it's some German. Oh it's a German millionaire. Oh my
god. Because you also it's a yacht, and then you also need full
time staff. So guess how much annually it costs to run this boat.
Probably like two and a half million, twenty five million to run it.
To run it, so he must go all over the place use it a
lot. Hey, maybe this is the one. Let's go down to Sepont
Village and listen you you look like a mermaid right now. So let's just
urt you on the end of the boat. We'll wet you down and you
can be like, hey, I'm cheating. Oh my god. Let's go.
We'll go there on our way back from Taco bell I would marry a
stranger for as little as ten grad a'll swing by and still have Evans mermaid
tail. Well, we'll dunk you in water. Oh my god, that
would be amazing. Oh my god. And then you could just perch right
on the edge of the thing. Or he'll like hunt you for like the
trophy. Okay, there's a lot going. Well, there's like you put
we're supposed to give that to somebody. Brother, Yeah, well that will
probably get sweaty. It's just crumpled Oh okay, I see the sweat from
here. Now, what's your price to go over to a guy using a
urinal and share it the same urinal? Is it somebody I know? If
there's somebody I know, I do it for free. I'd be hilarious.
No stranger, No. What I would want to do is like stand kind
of behind him and like pee over his shoulder. Oh my god, that
would be hilarious. Well what would be so wrong? Is it just so
because you're really close to don't get close? Yeah, you don't want to
be so especially Yeah, oh god. I remember this. This was years
and years and years ago, and a buddy of mine and I went to
a bar and he had to go to the bathroom and comes out and he's
like, don't use the bathroom and I was like why and he goes,
it's a trough with a mirror in front of it. Oh, so everybody
peed in this trust. It wasn't like separate, so you could see everybody.
Everybody's it's ding dong. Bathrooms were uncomfortable. I went to Stone Brewery
over the weekend. I went to the bathroom and they have like a line
of urinals, but they don't have the dividers, but some places don't have
that, so it's whatever. But their urinals are waist high and cut off.
There's not like that little like wall you can lean into it all.
It's literally just like a pot almost like stylie. So like you're just like
pissing into a pot in the wall. So there's no protection. So you
just have to mind your business and keep your eyes down. Okay. So
what's your price? It's one hundred grand. Also you could be charged with
like sexual assault. I know, yeah, I'm gonna oh gosh, none,
that's getting me real quick. Oh now you want to make up ruleves
when I ask questions, you like to stop it. You're asking my question.
I'm going to say, like one hundred grand, A hundred grand,
okay, okay, And I can't answer that one okay, okay, I'll
ask your ticket is bigger than everybody is in this room. I know if
I was a dude, i'd have I'd have a giant dick. It would
be like a John Holmes, thank you, thank you. What's your price
to go into a stall that someone's using in like squat above them in peece
with their legs go. That's not even close to the same thing. I
mean, it's like the same thing, but it's a that is a whole
uh yoga, No, it would be really So let's say we're at the
AHAs and you have to bring you have to go to the bathroom really bad.
The line for the women's bathroom is ginormous. So you go into the
men's room. Okay, you kick open a stall door and there's some guy
taking it down. Yeah, you just pull up your mermaid dress and just
sit on his lap and pee. Wow, I'll give me some rules easier,
don't You won't pee on him, okay, but you will peep through
his legs. Okay, and he and he is. He is doing the
deed while I'm doing just peeing. No, he's doing the deed. Makes
it sound weak. No, he's in the stall, so he's pooping.
He just likes to sit down. He likes to sit down, sit down.
He's a weird guy. Oh, let me think a stranger men's bethroom
his lap on his CROs well. I would hover. I'm a hoverer helicopter.
It's too tall. You have to sit, you have to make contact
because it's too tall. This is terrible. Whatever, I'll give you.
I'll give you a caveat you can hover, but you'll pee on his leg
a little. Or you can sit and you won't pee on him at all.
Oh yeah, this is so weird. Okay, really realistically, realistically,
what's your price? And which which one? Do you pe on him?
Or do you just sit on him and pee through him? Do you
give him a golden shower or just a lap dance? I sit on him
and pee through his legs? For what price? Seventy five thousand? Let
me make some calls. Yeah, nobody wants that. I want to see
that. Okay, what's your price to heckle a church minister? Oh?
A dollar? That would be awful, but that would be kind of funny.
No, it would be okay. Think about the church that maybe your
family goes to and you go, you roll up, you roll up.
Then I'll do it for free, roll up and uh and you start going
yeah, oh yeah, God isn't real or whatever? So stupid. I
don't know, how would you hackle if I had to say those words A
ba jillion infinity amount of dollars? Because that's awful. I don't know,
that's so weird. I don't don't Okay, I feel like no man money
because the lasting impacts of that are forever. Okay, yeah, all right,
all right? What's your price? Then? To clean a cat's for
with your tongue like they do an entire cat the full time with your tongue
clean a cat ten thousand, No way more I do it. You have
to clean the whole cat. But the well, what do they do they
the cat? Oh my god, when cats are cleaning themselves, they don't
like their but do that put its leg way up in the air and oh,
I don't know, I've never had Oh yeah, oh can I change
my rate? What's your rate? I want the price? I'm going to
say seven hundred and fifty thousand. I will say you get one purel wipe
beforehand, however you want to use it. If you want to stare seven
hundred and fifty thousand, I would do it for five thousand dollars. Jes,
have some respect. You're a human being. You deserve more than flicking
fur. Who cares? And which I wiped off with purel first, there's
still a risk of god or ringworm. Oh my god, you get a
coal? I I am oh mad country yuck. Okay, then what's your
price to jump head first into a pile of warm horse manure head first?
Honestly, I probably do like ten grand. That's the lowest you'd do it
for because you could immediately get out and take a shower. Come on,
maybe five eric twenty five grand. I'd be worried that smell doesn't come out,
That's what I'd be worried about to of course it does. Well,
you take a couple of showers. Heard of a skunk horseman horse poop?
Right, Yes, I've heard of this. It's horse. Come okay,
horse three thousand dollars cross. No, I would do it for that.
I would do it for two hundred bucks. Yeah, she's like, oh
god, oh I would do it for twenty five hundred dollars. Well,
that's pretty twenty five hundred. Look, I would just go ahead. First,
I'd have it on my I'd be like, oh my god, I'm
going to die, and then then it would be washed off quick with a
host. I only have one thing to say. This is why you're in
the negative and you're checking it out, hey, because I I you are
really low balling yourself. I know, Okay, what's your price to travel
across the country in the trunk of a car. Oh, prisoner, No,
no, you're just like the mafia come from. No, Oh,
I get me let out occasionally. Yeah, to pe and like when you
go eat. Yeah, but you but you are when you were driving thousand?
How long is the trip it's a cross country? Well, how long
are like, how far are we driving each day? How long? Any
days it's gonna be. Oh, four are important. If they're driving like
a mile an hour, it's gonna take like a year. Yeah, four
days, okay, by twenty grand Yeah, I do it for fifty Lord,
like ten me think I can make my own like little area in the
trunk. It's a four door sedan. It's not a big trunk. It's
mafia style. It is good fella's style. Like, so I'm like a
fetal position. Yeah, person, Well the loaner car that I'm driving right
now has a huge trunk. So I'll tell you what. We go to
Taco Bells to day, We'll put you back there. Do you want to
do that? Oh my god, that's so illegal. No, let me
hear it. Let me no, it's not. Yes, it is,
Oh my god, it's not fetal position. Okay, But then you can't
order anything. Wait, you guys like give me well, oh my god,
can you imagine if we went through and you were just like tapping on
the trunk. How much how much do you guys give me to do that?
Nothing? Huh no, No, nothing's podcast fun. You get you
get a free crunch burger or whatever it is out of it. I'm not
getting arrested for suspected kidnapping, just for you to have fun on the way
to Taco Bell. If we get pulled over, it's still illegal. By
the way, it's a ticket. Lea. Oh, I'm not getting it.
I'll eat the ticket. Okay, Oh yeah with what No, you
can't eat the ticket. He has to eat the ticket because he's driving.
Yeah, hell no, come on, it'll be fun for me, for
all of us. For you have a cargo, lock yourself. I'll lock
you in the trunk. And I don't have a jeep. It's not the
same. Okay, we'll lock you in somebody else's trunk and then go to
talk about Oh my god, you know, it would be really funny those
to get a picture of her in that evening gown, like laying in my
I know we should do that. We should told you. Okay, we'll
do one more. Okay, we'll end on this. Okay music please,
Yeah, I got you. That was a beautiful choir. Spend the entire
day at a nude beach with your parents. Oh oh yeah, they're all
They're alive, they're alive. Well mean, Eric has to imagine. My
dad's a lot. So we're your parents are naked, but naked. You're
naked. You were laying on towels at the beach for a full day of
beach activities, volleyball, frisbee, You're going in the water, you're boogie
boarding, you're doing all the beach fun things. Twenty grand oh my god,
maybe think about it. Fifty oh my god, maybe fifty seventy five,
five million, one hand. I'm one hand. I go it's like
if you could do it, but I go, no, you couldn't know.
Laura would do it for free. No, like one hundred and seventy
five bucks. No, I'm just trying to think. I need to visualize.
My mom had a fit when she saw me in bike shorts one time.
Really a well, we get your package is huge. She probably like
she got so many. I bet she did, because you wear those tights,
Erica, big old dick out of here. Oh my, bikes to
her house, and when I showed up the front door, she's like,
why do you do it house? A, yeah, he got a big
one, and B he doesn't wear underwear, so his poor mother probably saw
your She shows up with the like just like, oh my. Likely she
refused to go anywhere with me until I went home and changed probably the veins
or even outlined oh gosh. Yeah, she was not happy. Visual Lee
was not happy. She wasn't having it. No, Lee would not hope.
Did you change your waist? Okay for me a full day naked?
And Jenny, what about Jenny and your brother? And oh my god,
let's just say parents. Let's just say Charlie and Evan. Oh my god,
let's just let's just say parents. God, this is getting really all
right, all right, okay, just your parents, just your parents.
I would do it for twenty five thousand dollars. You do it for less,
I know, right, I bet less than five grand, especially now
that she has her en hands. But she'd be like, she'd be like
seven dollars and fifty cents. I do it for grand Yeah, She's like,
I'm gonna get my money out of these things. Oh my god,
I'm gonna turn up profit. But not not the whole family. Not my
sister, not my brother, and not my kids. Please okay, just
my parents, Okay, ad in your sister and brother, not your kids.
He's like, She's like, fine, two grand I'm doubling it.
Oh my god, that would be yeah, Okay, I do you know
what? It's shocking all around. Let's let's just let's just be real.
Jenny Eric, my mom and my dad naked with me on the beach,
doing beach activities all day. We're at Black Speech. I do it for
five thousand dollars. Oh, I take my head. But I'm going to
just say I want to go. God, you guys, this is going
to be some party. Laura's going to be naked. We're going to be
a via house on Friday at six. If you still want a ticket,
please d m us or please, I'm going to Is there a therapist that's
watching? Thank you for watching, My God, sure to subscribe to us
on allable social media channel. Happy birthday, Oh my god, Happy sixtieth
birthday you guys. Anyways, we really appreciate you guys watching thanks for listening.
We'll see you next time. Thank you. We're going to Taco Bell
Okay, all right, I'll see you guys next time. Mike, did
you turn it off? Anyways? Bye bye, Love you,