Chapter four, An Unpleasant Predicament, Part two. His star carried him away.
He walked confidently in at the open gate, and contemptuously thrust aside with
his foot the shaggy husky little sheep dog who flew at his legs with a
horse bark, more as a matter of form than with any real intention.
Along a wooden plank, he went to the covered porch, which led like
a sentry box to the yard, and by three decaying wooden steps, he
went up to the tiny entry. Here. Though a tallow candle or something
in the way of a night light was burning somewhere in a corner, it
did not prevent ivan Ilietch from putting his left foot, just as it was
in its golosh, into a gallantine which had been stood out there to cool.
Ivan Iliatch bent down, and looking with curiosity, he saw that there
were two other dishes of some sort of jelly, and also two shapes apparently
of blomnge. The squashed gallantine embarrassed him, and for one brief instant the
thought flashed through his mind whether he should not slink away at once, But
he considered this too low, reflecting that no one would have seen him and
that they would never think he had done it. He hurriedly wiped his galosh
to conceal all traces, fumbled for the felt covered door, opened it,
and found himself in a very little ante room. Half of it was literally
piled up with greatcoats, wadded jackets, cloaks, capes, scarves and galoshes.
In the other half, the musicians had been installed two violins, a
flute and a double bass, a band of four picked up of course in
the street. They were sitting at an unpainted wooden table, lighted by a
single tallow candle, and with the utmost figure, were sawing at the last
figure of the quadrille. From the open door into the drawing room, one
could see the dancers. In the midst of dust, tobacco, smoke and
fumes. There was a frenzy of gaiety. There were sounds of laughter,
shouts and shrieks from the ladies. The gentlemen stamped like a squadron of horses.
Above all the bedlam. There rang out words of command from the leader
of the dance, probably an extremely free and easy and even unbuttoned gentlemen.
Gentlemen, advanced ladies, chain set to partners and so on and so on.
Ivan Iliatch, in some excitement, cast off his coat and galoshes,
and with his cap in his hand, went into the room. He was
no longer reflecting. However, for the first minute nobody noticed him. All
were absorbed in dancing the quadrille to the end. Ivan Iliatch stood as though
entranced, and could make out nothing definite. In the chaos. He caught
glimpses of lady these dresses, of gentlemen with cigarettes between their teeth. He
caught a glimpse of a lady's pale blue scarf, which flicked him on the
nose after the wearer. A medical student with his hair blown in all directions
on his head, pranced by in wild delight and jostled violently against him.
On the way. He caught a glimpse, too, of an officer of
some description who looked half a mile high. Someone in an unnaturally shrill voice
shouted, oh, Shaldonimov. As the speaker flew by stamping. It was
sticky under ivan Iliatch's feet. Evidently the floor had been waxed in the room,
which was a very small one. There were about thirty people. But
a minute later the quadrille was over, and almost at once the very thing
ivan Iliatch had pictured when he was dreaming on the pavement took place. A
stifled murmur, a strange whisper passed over. The whole company, including the
dancers, who had not yet had time to take breath and wipe their perspiring
faces. All eyes, all faces, began quickly turning towards the newly arrived
guest. Then they all seemed to draw back a little and beat a retreat.
Those who had not noticed him were pulled by their coats or dresses and
informed. They looked round and at once beat a retreat with the others.
Ivanilitch was still standing at the door, without moving a step forward, and
between him and the company there stretched an ever widening empty space of floor,
strewn with countless sweetmeat wrappings, bits of paper, and cigarette hands. All
at once a young man in a uniform with a shock of flaxen hair and
a hooked nose stepped timidly out into that empty space. He moved forward,
hunched up, and looked at the unexpected visitor, exactly with the expression with
which a dog looks at its master when the latter has called him up and
is going to kick him. Good evening, Seldonimov, do you know me?
Said ivan Ilyitch, and felt at the same minute that he had said
this very awkwardly. He felt, too, that he was perhaps doing something
horribly stupid at that moment, your excellency, muttered Seldonimov. To be sure,
I have called in to see you quite by chance, my friend,
as you can probably imagine. But evidently Seldonimov could imagine nothing. He stood
with staring eyes in the utmost perplexity. You won't turn me out, I
suppose, Pleased or not, you must make a visitor welcome. Ivan Ilyitch
went on, feeling that he was confused to a point of unseemly feebleness,
that he was trying to smile and was utterly unable. That the humorous reference
to Stepan Nikaphorovitch and Tryfon was becoming more and more impossible. But as ill
luck would have it, Seldonimov did not recover from his stupefaction, and still
gazed at him with a perfectly idiotic air. Ivan Ilyitch winced he felt that
in another minute something incredibly foolish would happen. I am not in the way,
am I I'll go away, he faintly articulated, and there was a
tremor at the right corner of his mouth, But Seldonimov had recovered himself.
Good heavens, your excellency the honor, he muttered, bowing hurriedly graciously,
sit down, your excellency, and recovering himself still further. He motioned him
with both hands to a sofa, before which a table had been moved away
to make room for the dancing ivan Ilyitch felt relieved and sank on the sofa.
At once some one flew to move the table up to him. He
took a cursory look round and saw that he was the only person sitting down.
All the others were standing, even the ladies. A bad sign,
but it was not yet time to reassure and encourage them. The company still
held back, while before him, bending double, stood Zeldonimov utterly alone,
still completely at a loss, and very far from smiling. It was horrid.
In short, our hero endured such misery at that moment that his Haroon
al Rashid like descent upon his subordinates for the sake of principle might well have
been reckoned an heroic action. But suddenly a little figure made its appearance beside
Seldonimov and began bowing to his inexpressible pleasure and even happiness. Ivan Iliitch at
once recognized him as the head clerk of his office, Akim Petrovitch Zubikov,
and though of course he was not acquainted with him, he knew him to
be a businesslike and exemplary clerk. He got up at once and held out
his hand to Akim Petrovitch, his whole hand, not two fingers. The
latter took it in both of his with the deepest respect. The general was
triumphant. The situation was saved, and now, indeed Sseldonimov was no longer
so to say, the second person, but the third. It was possible
to address his remarks to the head clerk in his necessity, taking him for
an acquaintance and even an intimate one. And Cheldonimov meanwhile could only be silent
and be in a tremor of reverence, so that the proprieties were observed and
some explanation was essential. Ivan Eliotch felt that he saw that all the guests
were expecting something. That the whole household was gathered together in the doorway,
almost creeping climbing over one another in their anxiety to see and hear him.
What was horrid was that the head clerk, in his foolishness, remained standing,
Why are you standing, said Ivan Iliatch, awkwardly motioning him to a
seat on the sofa beside him. Oh, don't trouble now, sit here,
And Akim Petrovitch hurriedly sat down on a chair, almost as it was
being put for him by Zeldanimov, who remained obstinately standing. Can you imagine
what happened? Addressing himself exclusively to Akim Petrovitch in a rather quavering, though
free and easy voice, he even drawled out his words with special emphasis on
some syllables, pronounced the vowel ah like air in short felt and was conscious
that he was being affected, but could not control himself. Some external force
was at work. He was painfully conscious of many things at that moment.
Can you imagine? I have only just come from Stepan Nikaforovitch, Nikoforov's.
You have heard of him, perhaps the Privy councilor you know, on that
special committee. Akim Petrovitch spent his whole person forward respectfully, as much as
to say, of course, we have heard of him. He is your
neighbor. Now ivan Iliotch went on for one instant for the sake of ease
and good manners, addressing Seldonimov, but he quickly turned away again on seeing
from the latter's eyes that it made absolutely no difference to him. The old
fellow, as you know, has been dreaming all his life of buying himself
a house. Well, and he has bought it, and a very pretty
house too, Yes, and today was his birthday, and he had never
celebrated it before. He used even to keep it secret from us. He
was too stingy to keep it, eh. But now he is so delighted
over his new house that he invited Semyon, Ivanovitch, Shipulenko and me.
You know, Akim Petrovitch bent forward again, He bent forward zealously. Ivanivitch
felt somewhat comforted it had struck him. Indeed, that the head clerk possibly
was guessing that he was an indispensable point d'a puis for his excellency at that
moment, that would have been more horrid than anything. So we sat together,
the three of us. He gave us champagne. We talked about problems,
even disputed. Eh. Akim Petrovitch raised his eyebrows respectfully. Only that
is not the point when I take leave of him at last. He is
a punctual old fellow, goes to bed early, you know, in his
old age. I go out. My Trifon is nowhere to be seen.
I am anxious. I make inquiries. What has Trifon done with the carriage?
It comes out that, hoping I should stay on, he had gone
off to the wedding of some friend of his or sister maybe goodness only knows,
somewhere here on the Petersburg side, and took the carriage with him.
While he was about it Again, for the sake of good manners, the
General glanced in the direction of Seldonimov. The latter promptly gave a wriggle,
but not at all the sort of wriggle the General would have liked. He
has no sympathy, no heart flashed through his brain. You don't say so,
said Akim Petrovitch, greatly impressed. A faint murmur of surprise ran through
all the crowd. Can you fancy my position? Ivan Iliitch glanced at them
all. There was nothing for it. I set off on foot. I
thought I would trudge to the great prospect and there find some cabby e e
he eh. Akim Petrovitch echoed again. A murmur, but this time on
a more cheerful note, passed through the crowd. At that moment, the
chimney of a lamp on the wall broke with a crash. Some one rushed
zealously to see to it. Seldonimov started and looked sternly at the lamp,
but the general took no notice of it, and all was serene again.
I walked, and the night was so lovely, so still. All at
once I heard a band stamping dancing. I inquired of a policeman, it
is Seldonimov's wedding. Why you are giving a ball to all Petersburg's side,
my friend? Ah. He turned to Seldonimov again, ha ha ha,
to be sure. Akim Petrovitch responded, There was a stir among the guests
again. But what was most foolish was that Seldonimov, though he bowed,
did not even now smile, but seemed as though he were made of wood.
Is he a fool? Or what thought Ivan ill it? He ought
to have smiled At that point, the ass and everything would have run easily.
There was a fury of impatience in his heart. I thought I would
go in to see my clerk. He won't turn me out. I expect
pleased or not, one must welcome a guest. You must please excuse me,
my dear fellow. If I am in the way, I will go.
I only came in to have a look. But little by little a
general stir was beginning. Akim Petrovitch looked at him with a mawkishly sweet expression,
as though to say, how could your excellency be in the way.
All the guests stirred and began to display the first symptoms of being at their
ease. Almost all the ladies sat down, a good sign and a reassuring
one. The boldest spirits among them fanned themselves with their handkerchiefs. One of
them, in a shabby velvet dress, said something with intentional loudness. The
officer addressed by her would have light to answer her as loudly, but seeing
that they were the only one speaking aloud, he subsided. The men.
For the most part, government clerks, with two or three students among them,
looked at one another as though egging each other on to unbend, cleared
their throats and began to move a few steps in different directions. No one,
however, was particularly timid, but they were all restive, and almost
all of them looked with a hostile expression at the personage who had burst in
upon them to destroy their gayety. The officer ashmed his cowardice began to edge
up to the table. But I say, my friend, allow me to
ask you your name, ivan Iliech, asked Seldanimov. Porfiry Petrovitch, Your
excellency, answered the latter, with staring eyes, as though on parade.
Introduce me, Porfiry Petrovitch to your bride. Take me to her I and
he showed signs of a desire to get up, but Sseldonimov ran full speed
to the drawing room. The bride, however, was standing close by at
the door, but as soon as she heard herself mentioned, she hid.
A minute later, Seldonimov led her up by the hand. The guests all
moved aside to make way for them. Ivaniliitch got up solemnly and dressed himself
to her with a most affable smile. Very very much pleased to make your
acquaintance, he pronounced, with a most aristocratic half bow, especially on such
a day. He gave a meaning smile. There was an agreeable flutter among
the ladies. Charmais the lady in the velvet dress, pronounced almost aloud.
The bride was a match for Sildonimov. She was a thin little lady,
not more than seventeen, pale, with a very small face and a sharp
little nose. Her quick, active little eyes were not at all embarrassed.
On the contrary, they looked at him steadily and even with a shade of
resentment. Evidently Seldonimov was marrying her for her beauty. She was dressed in
a white muslin dress over a pink slip. Her neck was thin, but
she had a figure like a chicken's, with the bones all sticking out.
She was not equal to making any response to the general's affability. But she
is very pretty. He went on in an undertone, as though addressing Seldonimov
only, though intentionally speaking so that the bride could hear. But on this
occasion too, Seldonimov again answered absolutely nothing and did not even wriggle. Ivan
iliatch fancied that there was something cold suppressed in his eyes, as though he
had something peculiarly malignant in his mind, And yet he had at all costs
to wring some sensibility out of him. Why that was the object of his
coming. They are a couple, though, he thought, and he turned
again to the bride, who had seated herself beside him on the sofa.
But in answer to his two or three questions, he got nothing but yes
or no, and hardly that. If only she had been overcome with confusion,
he thought to himself, then I should have begun to banter her.
But as it is, my position is impossible, and as ill luck would
have it. Akim Petrovitch too was mute, though this was only due to
his foolishness, it was still unpardonable. My friends, haven't I perhaps interfered
with your enjoyment? He said, addressing the home company. He felt that
the very palms of his hands were perspiring. No, don't trouble your excellency.
We are beginning directly, but now we are getting cool, answered the
officer. The bride looked at him with pleasure. The officer was not old,
and wore the uniform of some branch of the service. Seldonimov was still
standing in the same place, bending forward, and it seemed as though his
hooked nose stood out further than ever. He looked and listened like a footman
standing with the greatcoat on his arm, waiting for the end of his master's
farewell conversation. Ivan Iliotch made this comparison himself. He was losing his head.
He felt that he was in an awkward position, that the ground was
giving way under his feet, that he had got in somewhere and could not
find his way out, as though he were in the dark. Suddenly,
the guests all moved aside, and a short, thick set, middle aged
woman made her appearance, dressed plainly, though she was in her best,
with a big shawl on her shoulders pinned at her throat, and on her
head a cap to which she was evidently unaccustomed. In her hands she carried
a small round tray, on which stood a full but uncorked bottle of champagne
and two glasses, neither more nor less. Evidently the bottle was intended for
only two guests. The middle aged lady approached the General. Don't look down
on us, your excellency, she said, bowing, Since you have deigned
to do my son the honor of coming to his wedding, we beg you
graciously to drink to the health of the young people, do not disdain us,
do us the honor. Ivan Iliotch clutched at her as though she were
his salvation. She was by no means an old woman, forty five or
forty six, not more. But she had such a good natured rosy cheeked,
such a round and candid Russian face. She smiled so good humoredly,
bowed so simply that ivan Iliotch was almost comforted and began to hope again.
So you are the mother of your son, he said, getting up from
the sofa, Yes, my mother, Your excellency mumbled Seldonimov, craning his
long neck and thrusting forward his long nose again. Ah, I am delighted,
delighted to make your acquaintance. Do not refuse us, your excellency,
with the greatest pleasure. The tray was put down, Seldonimov dashed forward to
pour out the wine. Ivan Ilyitch, still standing, took the glass.
I am particularly particularly glad on this occasion that I can, he began,
that I can testify before all of you in short, as your chief,
I wish you, madam, he turned to the bride, and you,
friend Porfiry, I wish you the fullest completest happiness for many long years,
and he positively drained the glass with feeling. The seventh he had drunk that
evening. Seldonimov looked at him gravely and even sullenly. The general was beginning
to feel an agonizing hatred of him and that scarecrow. He looked at the
officer keep subtruding himself. He might at least have shouted Hurrah, and it
would have gone off. It would have gone off, And you too,
Akim Petrovitch, drank a glass to their health, added the mother, addressing
the head clerk. You are his superior. He is under you. Look
after my boy. I beg you as a mother, and don't forget us
in the future, Our good kind friend, Akim Petrovitch. How nice these
old Russian women are, thought ivan ilyiittch. She has livened us all up.
I have always loved the democracy. At that moment, another tray was
brought to the table. It was brought in by a maid wearing a crackling
cotton dress that had never been washed and a krinoline. She could hardly grasp
the tray in both hands it was so big. On it there were numbers
of plates of apples, sweets, fruit meringues, and fruit cheeses, walnuts,
and so on and so on. The tray had been till then in
the drawing room for the delectation of all the guests, and especially the ladies,
But now it was brought to the general alone. Do not disdain our
humble fare, your excellency. What we have we are pleased to offer,
the old lady repeated, bowing. Delighted, said ivan Iliatch, and with
real pleasure, took a walnut and cracked it between his fingers. He had
made up his mind to win popularity at all costs. Meantime, the bride
suddenly giggled. What is it, asked ivan Iliotch with a smile. Encouraged
by this sign of life, yvon Klastenkinitch here makes me laugh, she answered,
looking down the General distinguished indeed a flaxen headed young man exceedingly good looking,
who was sitting on a chair at the other end of the sofa,
whispering something to Madame Sseldonimov. The young man stood up. He was apparently
very young and very shy. I was telling the lady about a dream book,
your excellency, he muttered, as though apologizing about what sort of dream
book, asked Ivan Iliotch condescendingly. There is a new dream book, a
literary one, telling the lady that to dream of mister Panayev means spilling coffee
on one's shirt front. What innocence, thought Ivan Ilyitch, with positive anniance.
Though the young man flushed very red as he said it, he was
incredibly delighted that he had said this about mister Panayev. To be sure I
have heard of it, responded his excellency. No, there is something better
than that, said a voice quite close to Ivan Ilyitch. There is a
new encyclopedia being published, and they say mister Kreevsky will write articles and satirical
literature. This was said by a young man who was by no means embarrassed,
but rather free and easy. He was wearing gloves and a white waistcoat
and carried a hat in his hand. He did not dance and looked condescending,
for he was on the staff of a satirical paper called The Firebrand,
and gave himself airs Accordingly. He had come casually to the wedding, invited
as an honored guest of the Pseldonimovs, with whom he was on intimate terms,
and with whom only a year before he had lived in very poor lodgings
kept by a German woman. He drank vodka, however, and for that
purpose had more than once withdrawn to a snug little back room, to which
all the guests knew their way. The General disliked him extremely, and the
reason that's funny broke in joyfully the flaxen headed young man who had talked of
the shirt front, and at whom the young man on the comic paper looked
with hatred. In consequence, it's funny, your excellency, because it is
supposed by the writer that mister Kreyevsky does not know how to spell, and
thinks that satirical ought to be written with a Y instead of an I.
But the poor young man scarcely finished his sentence. He could see from his
eyes that the General knew all this long ago, For the General himself looked
embarrassed, and evidently because he knew it, the young man seemed inconceivably ashamed.
He succeeded in effacing himself completely and remained very melancholy all the rest of
the evening. But to make up for that, the young man on the
staff of the Firebrand came up nearer and seemed to be intending to sit down
somewhere close by. Such free and easy manners struck Ivan ilyotch As rather shocking.
Tell me, please, Porfyri. He began, in order to say
something. Why I have always wanted to ask you about it in person?
Why you are called Seldonimov instead of Pseudonimov. Your name surely must be Pseudonimov.
I cannot inform you exactly, Your excellency, said Seldonumov. It must
have been that when his father went into the service, they made a mistake
in his papers, so that he has remained now Seldonumov put in Akim Petrovitch,
that does happen, undoubtedly, the general said with warmth. Undoubtedly,
for only think Pseudonimov comes from the literary word pseudonym, while Seldonimov means nothing
due to foolishness, added Akim Petrovitch, you mean what is due to foolishness.
The Russian common people, in their foolishness, often alter letters and sometimes
pronounce them in their own way. For instance, they say nevalid instead of
invalid. Oh yes, nevalid, mumber too they say, your excellency boomed
out the tall officer, who had long been itching to distinguish himself in some
way. What do you mean by mumber, mumber instead of number, your
excellency, Oh, yes, mumber instead of number. To be sure.
To be sure, ivan Iliotch had to do a chuckle for the benefit of
the officer too. The author Sir straightened his tie. Another thing they say
is ny by the young man on the comic paper put in. But his
excellency tried not to hear this. His chuckles were not at everybody's disposal.
Nye by instead of near the young man on the comic paper persisted in evident
irritation. Ivan Ilyitch looked at him sternly. Come why persist? Seldonimov whispered
to him, Why I was talking? Mayn't one speak? The latter protested
in a whisper, But he said no more, and with secret fury,
walked out of the room. He made his way straight to the attractive little
back room, where for the benefit of the dancing gentleman, vodka of two
sorts salt fish caviare into slices, and a bottle of very strong sherry of
Russian make had been set early in the evening on the little table covered with
the Yaroslav cloth. With anger in his heart, he was pouring himself out
a glass of vodka, when suddenly the medical student with the disheveled locks,
the foremost dancer and cutter of capers at Seldanumov's ball, rushed in. He
fell on the decanter with greedy haste. They are just going to begin,
he said, rapidly, helping himself. Come and look, I am going
to dance a solo on my head after supper. I shall risk the fish
dance. It is just the thing for the wedding, so to speak.
A friendly hint to Seldanumov. She's a jolly creature, that Cleopatra Semyonovna.
You can venture on anything you like with her. He's a reactionary, said
the young man on the comic paper gloomily, as he tossed off his vodka.
Who is a reactionary? Why the personage before whom they set those sweetmeats?
He's a reactionary, I tell you what. Nonsense, muttered the student,
and he rushed out of the room, hearing the opening bars of the
quadrille. Left alone, the young man on the comic paper poured himself out
another glass to give himself more assurance and independence. He drank and ate a
snack of something, and never had the actual civil counselor. Ivan Iliatch made
for himself a bitterer foe, more implacably bent on revenge than was the young
man on the staff of the Firebrand whom he had so slighted, especially after
the latter had drunk two glasses of vodka. Alas ivan Iliatch suspected nothing of
the sort. He did not suspect another circumstance of prime importance, either,
which had an influence on the mutual relations of the guests and his excellency.
The fact was that though he had given a proper and even detailed explanation of
his presence at his clerk's wedding, this explanation did not really satisfy any one,
and the visitors were still embarrassed. But suddenly everything was transformed, as
though by magic, all were reassured and ready to enjoy themselves, to laugh,
to shriek, to dance, exactly as though the unexpected visitor were not
in the room. The cause of it was a rumor, a whisper,
a report which spread in some unknown way that the visitor was not quite it
seemed, was in fact a little top heavy. And though this seemed at
first a horrible calumny, it began by degrees to appear to be justified.
Suddenly everything became clear. What was more, they felt all at once extraordinarily
free. And it was just at this moment that the quadrille for which the
medical student was in such haste the last before supper began, And just as
ivan Iliotch meant to address the bride again, intending to provoke her with some
innuendo, the tall officer suddenly dashed up to her and with a flourish dropped
on one knee before her. She immediately jumped up from the sofa and whisked
off with him to take her place in the quadrille. The officer did not
even apologize, and she did not even glance at the general as she went
away. She seemed, in fact relieved to escape. After all, she
has a right to be thought ivan Ilyitch. And of course they don't know
how to behave hum don't you stand on ceremony, friend, Porphyry, he
said, addressing Seldonimov, Perhaps you have arrangements to make or something. Please
don't put yourself out. Why does he keep guard over me? He thought
to himself. Seldonimov, with his long neck and his eyes fixed intently upon
him, began to be insufferable. In fact, all this was not the
thing, not the thing at all, but ivan Ilyitch was still far from
admitting this. End of chapter four