In the year twenty seven fourteen, a new squad of Opera Davis was chosen
by the College of Illusion. These fools promptly went on to frustrate their DM
at every opportunity. Today, still working together because really who else would work
with them? They survive as adventurers of fortune. If you have a problem,
if no one else can help, and if you can find them,
maybe you can hire the Second Breakfast Club. Tony Kinney as Eddie Falzoni,
Jess Owen as a deer a Glow, Michael Cole as Urag and Jesse Wicks
as Bill Crilliance, Nico Rodriguez as your DM. Welcome back to the continuing
Tales of a Fool's Quest. As you go into the brush, you start
to see there are strange markings along the trees, like something brushed into them,
maybe burned them, or different spots show like it was like a big
carapace rucked against them and scratched the bark off one side and did it in
a path across some different things. Some of the brush has been trampled down
that you noticed. You could follow further into the woods if you wanted,
but you are picking up a trail here. That looks like something unnatural has
gone through this area. Okay, I will immediately be turned back to the
click and real they I found a trail in the forest of something large and
unnatural. M could have been wild magic event. Maybe maybe we should investigate
for only a couple hours from the branch are. I would like that very
much. It has caused some damage to the forest, and if I can
prevent it from causing more, I would be pleased with that damage to the
forest. Who cares? We gotta we gotta go. Yeah, it's pretty
close to pretty close to the ranch there in at first take of the city,
if we could. I don't like the idea of leaving it behind us
to maybe hurt people. Let's check it out, h think I've I don't
see a reason not to. We're supposed to be looking out for the warlock
too, But I mean, honestly, with U, with allose other groups
going missing, I really don't want to leave anything at our back. Yeah.
Would you guys like me to go with you? Or do you want
me to stay here with the wagon? Now you're coming with us, climb
on my back? Okay, So I'll stay with the wagon. I'll tie
the horse up over here. Can you tell the horses to just stay put
for us. Nobody's gonna want to get in the wagon anyways. It's on
fire, that's true. We're not gonna be able to conceal it, aren't.
I hopefully there's no travelers. I set the feedbags on the animals,
and okay, yeah, stay here, we'll be right back. Okay,
all right, So you followed this path, you guys, follow rag into
the into the woods. Again. It's not a heavily wooded area, kind
of think more like a like a park area, you know. So the
trees are scattered out and around it is overgrown though, And so you're following
this path where this overgrown area has been trampled down, bushes have been walked
right over, and it looks like maybe a pack of something. You said,
there were some areas of the trees where they had been scratched and damaged.
I'll make sure I get us scent from those, Okay, you do.
The scent you get is kind of like it's got weird barley and hops
tones to it. It's not very good, though, It's like syrupy barley
hops scents to it. And then some brimstone along with that as well.
Demon beer monster. It would like to me a demon beer monster. It's
funny you say that. So you trace further into the woods, and as
you're getting there, you see up ahead there are six creatures. It's a
six pack? Are they? Are they beer mugs? They kind of the
little wid These demons stand to just over five feet tall. They have serrated
carapaces on their forearms that looks to be very sharp and dangerous, and their
heads are swollen red bulbs that remind you of a plant bud. Their legs
bend backward, giving the impression that they can pounce toward a target with incredible
ease. And would any of you know about demon packs or unknown things?
I would say, and I said nature boy, Yeah, I would venture
to guess that either Bill or Adira would know. Most would be most likely
to know if there's any relation to legends of heroes past, I would own
a certain Other than that, it would just be actually get a bonus to
spouting more about something that no one else knows anything out about. Yeah,
so if no one knows about it, then then Eddie might actually have come
across information. I've also got that bag of books, but I don't remember
exactly how that works. What about the valley? I feel like I would
probably know something, don't you think. Yeah, a deer probably would know
something. Yeah, So go ahead and make a a stout lore check roll.
All right, angry dog, I got an eight? All right,
an eight? Something interesting I had to make useful? All right, something
interesting. M hm. This is a six pack of Bud Demons. And
you know that these six packs don't always they're not self guided. Typically,
there's something about them and that makes them destructive as a force. And if
they were just left alone, they'd probably just be ripping at these trees and
trying to tear everything down. That's their general nature that you would know about
a six pack of Bud Demons. They have a bartender. They're a bud
tender. Perhapsure is that warlock we're looking for those they are known to make
packs with. I guess I wouldn't know that information, because you know,
we travel and come across all kinds of tribes of whatever. Yeah, I'm
sure there's a tribe that you bumped into while you were out on the road
before you joined the school that told stories about six packs of bud demons,
and you had heard a story about them and how they're destructive and chaotic,
but these ones seem organized. They're behaving themselves for some reason. Yeah,
but I don't know. And we see them. They're they're facing away from
us. Yep, they're facing away from you, standing kind of still at
the moment. Was an ask that they're still heading somewhere, standing still,
just standing there. Yep. They're doing like little impish, annoying things like
pushing each other and burning some of the plants that are around them, like
for demon things. But but they're not leaving the area, and they haven't
seen you yet. Mm hmm. Do you want to him push them?
I think we should. They can be quite chaotic. As soon as he
says I think we should. I get loaded the ground and goes stalking through
the grass that you said was grown. Okay, all right, working my
way closer, getting ready of the aprop pounds. Yep, so you could
naturally climb up that way. What are the rest of you do? Mm
hmm. Poof, I turned a deer invisible. That's a terrible what's happened.
Once I do my thing, they're gonna know we're here. So I'm
kind of waiting to last. I'm gonna wait until I sense that everybody's on
the move, and then I'm going to attempt to play a duo song.
But I'm gonna wait till last to do that. That's when everybody's in position,
you make the distraction. Yeah, Valley makes a minor illusion of Bill
and puts it like ten ft in front of Bill. Oh I like that?
Oh she stole in my back? Yeah, okay, she bounce off
like when you okay, yeah, as soon as you start prowling, like
get low to the ground, she like climbs off and lets you move forward.
And then she casts her minor illusion, which luckily I got a tent
on because I forgot that if she had gotten a nine, they probably would
have noticed there is I'm temporarily gonna be temporarily gonna stop to make sure that
she got the details right and everything looks nice. Okay, it doesn't look
like the ditto, all right? And then yeah, so yeah, you
guys gonna start moving towards from them. Yeah, so that a is that
a surprise round? Ah? Yeah, it's a surprise round for you guys.
So who goes? Do you guys? Want to roll a frindisahip against
each other or do you just want to pick a pick? Who goes for
what? Like with what makes sense? Yeah, I'm just gonna go before.
You're gonna go before a dira. Yeah, and I'm assuming she'll probably
go last because she's invisible, so she'll be able to maintain surprise, right,
yep, Yeah, I'm taking to while How long does that plus two
D four last? It's only once you use it, okay, okay?
One of okay, so ogs slipping up? Who wants to go first?
Eddie or uhreg go first? All right? So, uh, I'm slinking
through the the tall grass predator style looking for one that is distracted maybe back
to me, you know, sort of picking out the weak link in the
herd there. And once I get one singled out, lunge in and go
to take him down. Okay, all right, So go ahead and make
your it's a six seven eight. That's an eight, all right? So
you jumped down on it, all right? Hey, how much damage do
you do? Nine? All right? So you jumped down and eight you
catch it completely offer and you just tear into its neck right above the carapis
armor rip at its neck and it yanks its arm up to try and hit
you, and it does two points of damage with its carapis armor as you
yank its tendons right out of its neck and it falls to the ground dying,
and it's squash. It's dead. It's a pack. Now, it's
a five pack. Any I'm gonna chuck my blackjacket one in an attempt to
interfere, okay, to give it minus two to it's yeah, yeah,
so I'm just gonna just try to bonk it in the back of the head
with the blackjack and distract it from whatever it's going to try to do.
I rolled in eleven. I don't even know what I had with that.
Yeah, I've got strength, so nothing but that eleven is a crit though.
Oh yeah, okay, So not only do you distract it and give
it a minus two, you make it dizzy, and it's gonna have a
minus one ongoing to intelligence anything intelligence based static effects. Oh yeah, I'm
gonna start cheering a deer on, telling her how sneaky she is and how
I can't see her but I'm sure she looks wonderful. It's a it's an
eight. Madeira, Madeira, how sneaky. She is Madeira. I can't
see her Madeira. I'm sure she looks wonderful. An eight? Yeah,
all right, so two D four added the damage. Okay, then whatever
the unwanted attention or reverberates to other targets, affecting them as well as your
choice. M hm oh man, do I give somebody else a ponce on
damage? No, I will say, okay, unwanted attention, but not
from the five. Oh no, all right, ear turn dun dud turns
out there here worshiping their dragon over them. To some of them, what
is the what are you waiting for? Move exactly? It's like a I'm
pretty sure nice. Well, I tried and I failed. That's a seven,
So a seven's a fail. Well, I mean I didn't get a
ten, so I didn't get what I wanted. But on a seven to
nine, only a few, the weakest, are most foolhearty among them fall
prey to my taunting. Okay, A couple of them do, yep?
So a couple of them five part in your general direction. Your mother was
a hamster and your father smelt on alaberry. Oh hell, we'll say two,
three and four? All does that mean I'm not visible anymore because I
didn't attack, but I taunted. Yeah, you would have to because they
wouldn't know who to attack if you were with your noise. It was something
like real obvious that draws attention to you, and that's fine. Don't necessarily
have to be invisible. So that's what we did. Ye that works?
So um, all right, So Valley, I mean they get plus two
damage. Yeah, you get plus two damage. Yeah. So Valley draws
out a crossbow and fires an arrow, but it goes wide and hits one
of the tree trunks set that's in the area she critically missed, but her
spell maintains of the thing of the of the thing there, all right,
and then the bad guys all turn. So the buds, yeah, the
buds, but number two, who has a minus two to everything, is
going to attack Adira, and that, oh my god, is eleven.
So it's a nine. So you get to hit it back and it does
four points of damage to eleven points. So it rakes at you with its
carapace and then it hits you for four points of damage, which I think
you end up producing down to one for one for your armor and two for
the taunt. And then uh, and then you kill it. So how
do you kill it? I just swat at it with my axe. Oh
yeah, I just plus in half. It flies away the other two.
So number three goes to attack you but misses it, goes to hit you,
but completely stumbles over the one that you just whacked away. And then
the number four hits you and actually hits you for four points of damage,
so one more point of health. Number five is going to attack o Rag
and that is a ten. Ooh, that is seven points of damage.
So it takes its carapace arms just starts crushing at you. And number six
is going to attack against Adira and that is oh, this one's not at
a minus for you. You get to hit this one back though as well,
and that is six points of damage. Do I deal my combat damage
to the one that hit me? No, because it got a ten to
hit. Okay, about to die? I get to hit this motherfucker.
Yep, you get to hit this motherfucker. The next mouthful of time my
feet is mother. I'm on bus here's mother waity to hit you for how
many damage? Six? Yeah? That's like well minus right for each hit.
She's got one armor for hit one armor. Yeah, that's max damage
for these things. Excuse me? Eight? Eight? Okay, so yeah,
and I didn't roll my damage though, Oh yeah, yeah, damn
it, that's only one. Only one point of damage with your strength.
Well three, No, that's not gonna do it, not much, all
right, funny, No, this one's not tunic. Okay, So this
one takes its carapace and just starts clawn at you, and it hits you
hard, It cuts right into you, it gets your back. I haven't
even turned into a rage yet, so nope, and out of the woods.
Standing over seven feet tall and wearing white and red armor, a hideous
face and hoofs of a Clydesdale horse, the sight is one of a horrific,
horrifically nauseating nature, giving off an aura of sickness. It magically summons
a small metal disc in its hand, and with a click of its fingers,
it snaps the disc right at Bill, at the real Bill or a
looser rebill the real Bill, because either retention, I'm on fire. Now
he just flipped the butt. There's like a giant arrow plant in almost unfortunately,
so the bud visor attacks. It's the bud demon Supervisor. He was
riding a horse. I thought it was like a butt night. He has
a horse legs, right, yeah, he's got hooves, yeah, Clydesdale
hooves. Yeah. Okay, so he got a seven to hit you with
this thing, so I think you get to do something in return for a
hacken slash or No, this is a volley, so see what what's with
the volley? Seven means minus one D six to damage several shots producing their
mL that's got to move, yeah, placing placing them in danger of the
GM's choice. Yeah. So so he's gonna take minus one D six to
damage on this. So he he flicks his uh beer cap at you,
you know, and uh, I thought it was a quarter. So six
points of damaged bill fucking hate that, oh do you? And I don't
know how many points I actually lost because I wasn't subtracting my armor to any
of that's whatever you said is what I subtracted. Everyone make a constitution,
save so roll and then add your constitution. If it's a ten, you're
totally fine on it. Seven, six, nine, eleven, thanks eight.
So on a seven to nine you get minus one on your next attack
role because you are nauseous. Yeah, what did you get, Bill?
Oh, I got a seven, but it doesn't matter. I've never attacked
my fucking life, and if I have, I missed anyone. A pungent
smell in my cat noses all right, time, I keep smelling salt on
you, just for the sight it gets back to you. Okay, I'm
gonna pounce on the next one. Ten eleven eleven is a hit? Yeah,
three, all right? So you bite into it, but it's not
quite enough to finish it off, but it doesn't like it. You're tearing
at it and it's yeah, carapass is hard, Eddie. I'm gonna cast
silent image and make another Adira come out from behind a tree right next to
the the bud visor, okay, just to make him feel threatened there.
And it's an eleven for the spell cast. Okay. Yeah, so it
goes off without a hitch, And does he make her save against that or
is it just once he interacts, once he interacts? Okay? Things all
right? Cool, Phil, I'm going to cheer on a deer again and
convince her that she was not in fact hurt and that she's doing great while
I am running just as fast as possible from this bud bud visor the underfactor
to attempt to put myself somewhere for either her or oh rag are between me.
I mean they're in the middle of a group of demons, so run
into the other side of the other side, just hauling as Yes, all
right, all right, so I'll roll thee if that works, sung it
up, but cook sung it up, but cook eight. It's a Nate,
all right, so he'll I'll heal a dera for five and uh yeah
yeah plus two D four moving forward and then whatever the bad stuff is.
Yeah, so the bad stuff is you heal her, and then it also
heals the guy that she just hit with an axe back up to full health.
Will you stop healing the guys I'm hitting for you twice. I wouldn't
have to if you'd stop getting hit. I mean, nothing happened, This
is fine, dra You're up, all right, I've been a that is
not my move. Yeah yeah, yep, yeah, all right. You
said a minus one on the attack roll this time? Yep? Right,
what are you fucking I'd rolled it twelve? Oh, I mean it's still
a crit for you. Roll it again? Yeah, eleven that time a
natural eleven like a six five that's another crit. Roll again in that one
where do I add again my strength or so? I thought, that's a
ten. Okay, so two crits in a row means you do max damage
no matter what. So do you obliterate this? I got like twenty seven,
probably got twenty seven points with all the plus you want me roll that
because I can know. No, there's no rolling. You just get the
max amount of possible. So, uh, Bill, heals this demon right
in front of you, and then you just I am so pissed. Just
obliterated, Okay, and when jump as high as I can and just bring
my accent as hard as I can this motherfuckers. Yeah, and when you
kill things it's extra gory. Yeah. Like Bill, wherever the fun he
is, he's covered and only him, He's the only one covered. Winging
for the fences, used the chopping parts, turned the next sideways like a
baseball down. I'm running to get on the other side of these monsters from
a deer and just got hit in the face with a liver. It's all
yours one. That demon just had a wild ride. He attacked a deerra
and got fucked up, but then got immediately healed and then got annihilated,
so I hang, wait, no, it's so well, got us bed.
I said that. I like that the demon got gas lit in the
bed and he felt better. For the best part, I was like,
you guys haven't even fought yet. That's how good it is. Oh,
I guess we haven't. That's so great. Great, And while Bill gets
the demon a pep talk, we'll be right back. Have you ever wondered
what it would be like if a group of bartenders traded in their shakers for
sets of dice? Well, now you don't have to. Bartenders is a
D and D podcast where a group of bartenders put liquids and cups, talk
about their experiences in the hospitality industry and their life behind bars. Join us
every Monday on your favorite podcasting network for a new episode of Bartenders. Well
what are you waiting for? Pull the seated at the bar and let us
mix you a drink. Cheers, and now let's get back to the food.
All right. Sally again is going to take a shot with her crossbow,
and she's going to ooh doggy, Oh wait, yeah, that's good.
Oh man, all right, So she moves her image to kind of
follow after Bill and makes the image come right next to you. She just
kind of drags it with her her illusion that she can do, like this
is all she can do, and then she stops it in place while you
continue running, so they don't know which ones which, and then she turns
and fires her crossbow for six points of damage with the bud vist rankin don't
get cocking. Are there any more of them that are under my taut because
that is ongoing? Yeah, three and four are both still there and under
your taunt, all right, So Budvisor takes some damage homage all right,
and it is the baddies turns. So number three and number four are both
going to attack a deer because they're still haunted. One is a miss and
one is one hits you, but you get to hit them back. So
the one that Urag just attacked goes to swipe at you, Adira, but
just misses because Rag is on top of it and it can't reach you.
The other one, though, does swing and hit you for no damage.
It does zero damage to you. Well, I swing and attack him,
swing well, an eleven hits. Wait, I don't have the two D
four this time, no, because I haven't gone again yet. Four six
points of damage. You killed it, So what was that? Like?
That bloody mess? That one was just another backhanded swing. I'm getting fed
up. You're just swinging back and forth with the acts to and a crow
just chopping all the cars and oh ship plus the other one that was yeah
seven, forgot the rage power high or low? Bill high always high?
Joke, joke it up. Man bit kind of grabbed you by the booo.
Man what Budvisor flicks his beer cap again and it goes flying right at
the real bill Oh no, and it misses. I mean, they're the
guts and gore. And one of the heads that was flying at you,
just as it was flying at you from a deerra throwing it at you,
blocks this beer cap in the middle of the air, and they both go
flying off in other directions and he has to summon the beer cat back.
I'm lucky. Everyone make your nauseating role again. Constitution save hey, so
minus one on so minus two for attack rolls for you that's five nine nine
so minus one for an attack roll six five A six you take one point
of damage that ignores all armor because it's on your insides taking the pain,
and a nine for a era A five, oh a five, So you
take one point of damage to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
and that's it for the budvisor turn orag you're up, okay, and
try to take more of these little blood fucker's down. There's only two left,
three and four really three? Sorry? Four, that's a crit miss,
So roll again two six seven. He started with the two and I
got nervous. Yeah, all right, So it's down on you and this
is the one that struck out at a dera, and it brings up its
carapas armor and it's blocking your blights as you try and bite at it,
and it's keeping you from it, and that's painful. Eddie. I can
have more than one spell act about a time. It's just invisibility specifically that
I can't. Okay, So I'm going to cast minor image a duplicate of
Bill right on Bill and have it walk away from him. Yeah, and
that's a ten. There you go, three bills and two. A deer
is here just wandering around. It's it's wandering around. Hold the symbols like
it's ready to do something with them, all right, uh Bill? Which
one cherana dear a little pass progressfully like you're doing great. This is wonderful.
You're clearing them out and not taking too long at all. It's great.
Yeah, great job, great job. Don't hurry or anything. Yeah,
no, it's fine. It's fine. I love getting hit in the
face with liver. It's you didn't get hit in the face, Okay,
yeah I saw that. No you it was deflected, was it? Yeah?
No, the liver from when you smashed the blood hit me. I'm
playing about the blood, all right, that's gonna be an eleven. So
there you go, twelve healing if you were ya, and then two D
four moving forward for damage. He didn't heal the bad guys this time.
It doesn't matter. She's supposed to one hit him anyway. I'm helping her
out, all right, and just never taking account. It is uh,
a dear, it's turn purpose to make it cooler to hit. That's a
hit, whichever one is closest. Then I got the two D four my
two ten. Oh yeah, it's not possible for you to not kill them
plus plus one more so yeah, that's a thirteen points of damage. Jesus,
these guys have four health The little guys do like I've just hit him
four times. Then yeah, just punch him four times right in the fucking
face, just splait everywhere. I punched right through his head, and I
just I keep punching the hole. Yep. All right. So for bad
guys, there's only the one that rags on and then the bud Visor,
which I'm still taunting, which was another two points of damage to them,
by the way, that was actually fifteen points on that one. Valley shoots
another arrow but misses, it goes wide as she's firing towards this, uh,
this bud Visor. She's just not as good with that crossbow as she
thought she might be. Vally, you suck, and the one that's down
on the ground is going to attack O rag and it hits you, but
you get to make a hit back hits you for four points of damage.
Okay to take one. Now that do I have to do the attack roll
also or just deal damage? Do the attack roll. It's just that it
doesn't keep bouncing back and forth. So a seven or higher is an effective
hit. Five okay, So so yeah, you don't actually hit him back,
but so you two are just kind of struggling back and forth and he
gets one of his little carapis hoos can your mouth and cuts at you pouch.
You can't see me get through that carapis, and the buddvisor takes its
bottle cap and flicks it at one of the bill images and poof and it
just blasts away. It was a mine or valley. It was valleys.
It was the one closest to him, and make your nauseating constitution saves everyone
good seven seven minus one attack eight eight minus one attack six six minus one
health four. It ignores your armor too, because it's sick on the inside.
Oof minus one health Adira, I'm gonna die from us and it's back
to ouag Oh jeez, okay, okay, I'm at twenty five. Really
two is not wow? At six? Yeah that counts because I see it
nine all right, so that's a hit. Yeah all right, so you
definitely killed this. But while you're killing it, you bite down onto the
carapas and it does six points of damage back to you, fuck nuggets.
I got a little cuthulhu head. Uh huh, so did six? Yeah,
six points of damage? So what does your kill shot look like?
Just as I'm crawling around this thing, I'm gonna dig my back claws into
right behind the head on my front, claws and teeth on the carapis and
base from his body. Oh y, gory as hell. Yeah, just
rips him right apart, and Eddie, there's only the bud visor left.
H don't really have much I can do. I already threw my weapon,
So I'm gonna go pick up that that blackjack that I checked at the other
guy. Okay, and I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try to interfere with
the bud visor with it. Okay, just throw it at me again,
and that's a nine. I also expose myself to danger, retribution or cost.
All right. So he's been summoning this cat bottle cap back to him
after he clicks it. Every time it just comes flies right back to his
hand and he catches it. But it was still out at this moment from
his flicking it at that image, and he's summoning it back. So you
throw your blackjack at him, and that bottle cap hits you right in the
back. Maybe I'm gonna roll because you exposed yourself. Oh it doesn't.
So it goes whizzing right by and just nearly clips the back of your head.
As you hear this bottle cap fly back to the thing, and he
will have minus two on his next attack. I cannot believe I rolled.
I'm okay with it, all right, And after Eddiot's bill, Yeah,
I'm just gonna gonnah cheer adra on. I am not going to heal this
time because I think she's feeling okay and I don't want to accidentally heal a
demon. Yeah, so I'm just gonna tell a deer how she's an army
unto herself. The pollowing. Damn, the power with the power, the
power, the power, power, damn, the power with the power,
the power with it. Yeah, watch this, which is good because there's
no other soldiers here. That's a seven, all right. So you say
that, and the bud visor looks over and says, budd buyes and zero's
right in on you. I really hate this one guy. I'm gonna turn
and run behind my own fake copy the one was remaining. And then Adira,
you're up ruled in NAT eleven. Oh, that's it's a critical hit.
So we'll roll again to see if it hits again. Not to that
time, okay, So it just it's it's a hit, uh, And
that a critical hit. It is a critical hit and you get to uh
damage like a limb or make him drop something, or you get a bonus
effect to your critical hit. I've got the two D four correct, yep,
anything else? He was not one that got a ton of so I
do no nice thirteen points the damage. So yeah, that's that's more So
how do you how do you kill him? Study seven foot tall? Oh
yeah, just uh, I'm pretty short, so I'm just like scale him.
I'm gonna run up his thigh and just like swing my axe right into
his face. Yep, he bake solid connection as his head just splits apart
and demon bits shoot everywhere and cover bill. Top part of his head just
comes right off. All right, And you guys did it? You killed
a six pack of bud demons and uh and their but advisor. All right,
I'm gonnahit stop and dera with the rolls there at the end. Trip.
This concludes this episode of a fools Quest. Join us next time for
more fun and daring adventure. Thank you for listening, and don't forget to
like the subscribe, review and comment on your favorite platform. To listen to
a fools Quest, m H. I got chased by hadjob to day.
Yeah, for the third time. It was at Chahala. I was riding
the lady yelled. She's like, oh, grab him, just stop nod