WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:04.040 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf I AM six forty, 2 00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:09.759 the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty. 3 00:00:09.759 --> 00:00:12.720 You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walls 4 00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:15.240 Show, and I am taking your calls. If you would like me to 5 00:00:15.320 --> 00:00:18.359 wait in on your love life, I would be happy to do that. 6 00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:22.239 The phone number is one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. 7 00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:27.160 That's one eight hundred five to two zero one KFI. Reminder, I'm not 8 00:00:27.160 --> 00:00:30.399 a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but I'm obsessed with the science of 9 00:00:30.399 --> 00:00:33.880 love and I've written three books on relationships. So bring it on. I've 10 00:00:33.880 --> 00:00:37.320 got some answers. Producer Kayla, who do we have? We have Janine 11 00:00:37.359 --> 00:00:41.840 with a question. Janine, Hi, Janine, It's doctor Wendy. Hi, 12 00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:49.200 Doctor Wendy, thank you for taking my call. Basically, what okay? 13 00:00:49.240 --> 00:00:53.520 So I'm fifty years old and I've been divorced for about ten years. 14 00:00:54.119 --> 00:01:03.159 I haven't been on a date in about ten years, and outside of social 15 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:11.799 media, how do I find men that are in my situation? I've gotten 16 00:01:11.799 --> 00:01:14.280 to the grocery stores. You know, I'm in the grocer stores, I'm 17 00:01:14.280 --> 00:01:15.959 in the bank, so I mean, you know, I'm all over the 18 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:22.200 place, but I'm not nobody's coming up to me. I mean, there's 19 00:01:22.359 --> 00:01:25.799 just you know. So, Janine, let me tell you to do. 20 00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:30.079 The world has changed since you've dated. Okay, you haven't dated in ten 21 00:01:30.159 --> 00:01:36.079 years. I will tell you that nobody is talking to anybody in public anymore. 22 00:01:36.120 --> 00:01:40.480 They're afraid that it'll be perceived as sexual harassment. They're afraid that they're 23 00:01:40.840 --> 00:01:42.760 going to be seen as creepy. In fact, I know a woman near 24 00:01:42.879 --> 00:01:46.640 your age who recently said, I want to get back into the dating scenes. 25 00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:49.040 So I'm going to join a gym because back in the eighties and nineties 26 00:01:49.040 --> 00:01:52.359 that's where we met everybody. And then she said, oh, everybody's got 27 00:01:52.359 --> 00:01:55.319 their headphones on. Now nobody talks to you at the gym. The only 28 00:01:55.359 --> 00:01:59.000 place to meet people is on the dating apps. Now, I want to 29 00:01:59.040 --> 00:02:01.599 be very clear that there's going to be a learning curve for you, Janine. 30 00:02:01.959 --> 00:02:07.280 It is very difficult at the beginning because you think that just because there's 31 00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:09.520 a match that oh my god, they really like you. But no, 32 00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:14.879 it works like this what women do when they look at somebody's profile and a 33 00:02:14.919 --> 00:02:19.120 dating app is they scrutinize everything the person says. They look at that photograph 34 00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:23.560 the guy has and everything behind him. Is that a couch from restoration hardware 35 00:02:23.639 --> 00:02:28.199 or akia? What is that? Right? And then they gingerly say I'm 36 00:02:28.199 --> 00:02:30.520 gonna like this person. And then they're like, oh my god, it's 37 00:02:30.520 --> 00:02:31.960 a match. It's amazing. Do you know why it's a match? Almost 38 00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:36.360 one hundred percent of the time, ladies, because men do the opposite. 39 00:02:36.520 --> 00:02:39.800 They try to click on every single woman possible and just see who's interested in 40 00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:44.240 them. So don't get too excited. Secondly, there are people who get 41 00:02:44.280 --> 00:02:47.879 satisfied just by having four or five people on the apps at their messaging all 42 00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:51.800 day long, and they never get together in the real world. So trying 43 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:54.879 to get somebody off an app and into the real world is also an art. 44 00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:59.479 And the answer is give him your phone number, get on the phone. 45 00:02:59.560 --> 00:03:01.479 If they don't, call ghost, and move along to somebody else. 46 00:03:01.800 --> 00:03:06.719 So I want to say, Janine, get on the apps. Be prepared 47 00:03:06.759 --> 00:03:09.560 for a learning curve. It's a little bit different. There are some skills 48 00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:14.680 that you will learn, maybe the hard way. But that's where to meet 49 00:03:14.719 --> 00:03:16.960 people at any age, and you can search by age, so it'll be 50 00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:20.719 fine. Good luck to you. I'm very excited that you've got to do 51 00:03:20.759 --> 00:03:22.879 this. Okay, Producer, Kayla, who do we have next? We 52 00:03:22.960 --> 00:03:24.719 have Will with a comment? Okay, Will, you've got a comment. 53 00:03:24.719 --> 00:03:30.919 It's doctor Wendy. Wendy love your show and it's very special. And I've 54 00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:36.159 heard every word you've said about writing, so I'm going to say, oh, 55 00:03:36.199 --> 00:03:40.360 good in role in that. And when I was very young and don't 56 00:03:40.400 --> 00:03:46.080 remember my age, but I was abused by a family member. I so 57 00:03:46.280 --> 00:03:52.719 sorry, and I remember immediately after that, I mean the timelines, it's 58 00:03:52.759 --> 00:03:58.680 all sort of uh, you know, crowded together. But I started stealing, 59 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:05.039 first from family members and then from you know, just like I became 60 00:04:05.280 --> 00:04:14.560 what I later coined as kryptomaniac. And by the way, drugs kleptomania. 61 00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:19.519 Kleptomania is associated with little spikes of dopamine. There's a little bit of feel 62 00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:25.319 good when you get away with something, and you were suffering from what sounds 63 00:04:25.360 --> 00:04:29.120 like sexual abuse that you endured by this family member, and so it's totally 64 00:04:29.240 --> 00:04:32.560 understandable. My question for you is will have you reached out to a licensed 65 00:04:32.600 --> 00:04:41.759 therapist to go to process this trauma? I did, uh when I was 66 00:04:41.800 --> 00:04:46.639 engaged and I saw a therapist and his explanation at the time, and it 67 00:04:46.680 --> 00:04:51.079 happened to be the fuller of a classmate of mine. I went to a 68 00:04:51.079 --> 00:04:56.519 private school, and I just he was the closest that I thought. And 69 00:04:56.560 --> 00:05:01.240 when he told me that there are certain things that just happened within family and 70 00:05:01.279 --> 00:05:05.040 it's natural, and I didn't buy it. Oh, I'm glad you didn't 71 00:05:05.040 --> 00:05:10.800 buy it. Somebody a therapist actually told you that this is normal and natural 72 00:05:10.839 --> 00:05:14.959 to happen in families. Yeah, And when he I have to mention that 73 00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:18.879 I had one other situation later on in my life and these weren't traumatic in 74 00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:26.120 terms of force to anything. No, kids always blame themselves, and so 75 00:05:26.920 --> 00:05:30.879 during that period of time, the rape included a lot of conversation about being 76 00:05:30.920 --> 00:05:38.240 with a girl and you know, patchy feelee, and I wound up at 77 00:05:38.279 --> 00:05:43.160 a very young age reaching out to one of my classmates who was the only 78 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:47.759 one that was maturing to feel her breasts and man, I was in isolation 79 00:05:47.879 --> 00:05:55.120 for a week and that sent me into a state of a long period of 80 00:05:55.240 --> 00:05:58.000 time where I would dream that I was just alone in a room and it 81 00:05:58.040 --> 00:06:00.480 was dark, and that was I was just be and that's how I wound 82 00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:13.839 up using my escape through chemical through chemical dependence. Yeh, I would just 83 00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:15.879 be there, so will. First of all, I want to thank you 84 00:06:16.240 --> 00:06:21.959 for being so open and honest and sharing these stories with us. And I'm 85 00:06:23.000 --> 00:06:29.800 sure part of processing your trauma is telling these stories. But I can't encourage 86 00:06:29.800 --> 00:06:34.079 you enough to reach out again find a different licensed therapist so that you can 87 00:06:34.120 --> 00:06:38.279 work through it. And thank you so much for telling me that doing some 88 00:06:38.360 --> 00:06:42.439 writing and journaling is something that you're going to begin to do more of because 89 00:06:42.439 --> 00:06:46.759 it can certainly help you. Secrets are the things that hurt us the most. 90 00:06:46.199 --> 00:06:50.800 Well, thank you for your bravery for sharing this, and please please 91 00:06:50.879 --> 00:06:55.360 reach out to a licensed therapist so you can get the care that you need 92 00:06:55.759 --> 00:07:00.279 to get over some of this trauma. Oh it's heartbreaking, ah yeah yeah 93 00:07:00.360 --> 00:07:05.560 yeah yeai. And it's so common too, so so common. All right, 94 00:07:05.639 --> 00:07:09.920 let me turn to the dms are coming in on social media and Kayla's 95 00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:13.160 been handing them to me before my eyes. These are very sensitive things. 96 00:07:13.160 --> 00:07:16.319 Not everybody is like our last caller who can talk about major trauma on the 97 00:07:16.399 --> 00:07:20.240 radio. I hope he did change his name, by the way, So 98 00:07:20.360 --> 00:07:24.680 let me go to some things that people write on social media, and I'll 99 00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:27.639 never reveal your name if you send me a DM and we talk about it 100 00:07:27.720 --> 00:07:31.680 on air. So, dear doctor Wendy, just curious if I'm overthinking or 101 00:07:31.720 --> 00:07:35.399 not. But this guy who says he likes me also has a lot of 102 00:07:35.560 --> 00:07:44.480 female best friends and takes them places, posting photos with pet names. Am 103 00:07:44.519 --> 00:07:48.199 I just overthinking this or is this a red flag? Well, I'm gonna 104 00:07:48.199 --> 00:07:53.399 tell you a little story. I once dated someone briefly who had a harem 105 00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:56.879 of women in his life as friends. And I said to him, you 106 00:07:56.920 --> 00:07:59.279 know, this is kind of watering down the milk. How are you able 107 00:07:59.319 --> 00:08:03.480 going to focus on me as a relationship if you have this emotional intimacy with 108 00:08:03.519 --> 00:08:07.079 all these other women, and you know you're sort of spreading yourself around as 109 00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:09.759 a safety feature, right, Well, if I lose this one, I've 110 00:08:09.800 --> 00:08:11.120 got this one, et cetera. And he said to me, well, 111 00:08:11.160 --> 00:08:13.639 I am not going to get rid of any of the women in my hairm. 112 00:08:13.639 --> 00:08:16.279 He wasn't having sex with them, but they were all very close intimate 113 00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:22.319 friends and I just said, okay, thank you, goodbye, right because 114 00:08:22.360 --> 00:08:24.120 it didn't work for me. And yes, it is a red flag because 115 00:08:24.439 --> 00:08:30.040 the whole point, the thing that keeps long term committed relationships together is emotional 116 00:08:30.079 --> 00:08:35.159 intimacy. And really, people will complain that their partner is having emotional intimacy 117 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:39.440 with some other woman and it feels like a betrayal in some way. So 118 00:08:39.799 --> 00:08:43.279 yeah, it's a big red flag, big big es. The pet names, 119 00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:48.720 the pictures on social media. M I don't know, uh, dear 120 00:08:48.759 --> 00:08:54.320 doctor Wendy, My situationship wants to cut off intimacy whenever I show emotions other 121 00:08:54.440 --> 00:08:58.279 than positive and happy. How do I talk to him about this? Well, 122 00:08:58.360 --> 00:09:03.399 you described it as a situationship. A situationship generally has some very clear 123 00:09:03.679 --> 00:09:09.879 rules. Check your emotions at the door, don't bring them. A situationship 124 00:09:11.000 --> 00:09:13.840 is like a series of hookups. Now, I want to tell everybody it 125 00:09:13.919 --> 00:09:18.039 is very common for women to fall in love with someone they've made a commitment 126 00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:22.200 to only have a hookups with because their bodies emit so much oxytocin, which 127 00:09:22.279 --> 00:09:26.120 is the bonding hormone. The only other time in a woman's life where her 128 00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:31.240 bodies emit that much oxytocin is during breastfeeding to help her bond with her baby. 129 00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:35.840 So women will inadvertently fall in love with somebody, even if after they've 130 00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:41.200 said this is just a situationship, and it sounds like you're trying to show 131 00:09:41.440 --> 00:09:46.320 vulnerability to him, and he's saying, I only want to have positive and 132 00:09:46.360 --> 00:09:50.559 happy, keep it light and fun. So if you need more, this 133 00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:52.399 is not the dude to get it from. You need to get it from 134 00:09:52.399 --> 00:09:56.919 a different relationship where you can have the whole package, because it's not going 135 00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:01.159 to happen in the situationship. All right, when we come back, I've 136 00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:03.919 got more social media for you. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls 137 00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:09.320 Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 138 00:10:09.399 --> 00:10:16.639 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. Welcome 139 00:10:16.639 --> 00:10:20.639 back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show and KFI AM six forty live everywhere on 140 00:10:20.679 --> 00:10:24.840 the iHeartRadio app. All right, going to social media. Did you guys 141 00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:28.440 send me those dms all week long? And I have time sometimes to think 142 00:10:28.440 --> 00:10:33.519 about them. Sometimes Kayles sends them to me early, and they drift around 143 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:35.840 in my head, like what would I tell this person? Sometimes, of 144 00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:39.879 course she just shoves them under my nose right at the beginning here, and 145 00:10:39.960 --> 00:10:43.200 I look at them and kind of figure it out. Reminder, I'm not 146 00:10:43.240 --> 00:10:46.399 a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. But I've written three books on relationships, 147 00:10:46.440 --> 00:10:50.159 and I'm obsessed with the signs of love and I've had a lot of 148 00:10:50.159 --> 00:10:54.279 heartbreak in my life, so I'm happy to share my wisdom. All right, 149 00:10:54.320 --> 00:11:00.879 Dear doctor Wendy says this listener, is it appropriate for your boyfriend to 150 00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:05.519 go on a mixed gender trip without you? My boyfriend said he might go 151 00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:11.879 to cacou Can kun ooh, Mexico bathing suits gee strings up with a group 152 00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:16.480 that has females and males. He had the trip planned before we got serious. 153 00:11:16.200 --> 00:11:20.320 And I don't know his group of friends. That's that. Well, 154 00:11:20.360 --> 00:11:24.120 that's why I'm not going. Uh Okay, So how do I answer this? 155 00:11:24.399 --> 00:11:28.639 First of all, let's I don't know how long you've been together. 156 00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:31.960 So you say that's why you're not going because you don't know the people. 157 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:35.279 Well, but where you even invited? And you should have been invited? 158 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:41.240 Maybe unless you've been going out so like it's only been a few weeks or 159 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:43.960 you know, less than a few months, and so this is really still 160 00:11:43.960 --> 00:11:48.480 a new relationship and is kind of undefined, and so you don't really have 161 00:11:48.559 --> 00:11:52.000 a say and what he does or where he goes. I guess the question 162 00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:58.360 is to you know, how you're you're not. You haven't built trust yet, 163 00:11:58.879 --> 00:12:01.600 And I think that's the common to have is say, hey, it 164 00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:05.600 feels a little weird. Are you going on a vacation where there are going 165 00:12:05.639 --> 00:12:09.159 to be single women who I don't know. We haven't been seeing each other 166 00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:13.360 long enough for me to go with you, and we haven't established great trust. 167 00:12:13.559 --> 00:12:16.639 Yeah, you got to say this. You got to have this conversation. 168 00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:20.320 So then you might ask a question like what could we do to help 169 00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:24.559 me feel safer about this? He might say, well, how about I'll 170 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:26.799 FaceTime you every day, and how about i'll introduce you to my friends. 171 00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:28.559 Why don't we all go out to dinner before we go or something. There 172 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:33.639 might be all kinds of things that could calm you down, all right, 173 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:37.759 but you got to bring it up. These are your feelings and this is 174 00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:43.120 the road to intimacy. Okay, moving on, this one from Instagram. 175 00:12:43.240 --> 00:12:46.840 Dear doctor Wendy, I'm newly dating a guy for two months and he's got 176 00:12:46.840 --> 00:12:52.039 fifty to fifty custody of his kids. He works nights and I work days. 177 00:12:52.919 --> 00:12:54.919 Why are you dating? I just want to pause right there, like, 178 00:12:56.200 --> 00:13:01.240 there's some basic things about relationships that we should be thinking. Like, 179 00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:05.080 for instance, when I was looking for love, I wanted somebody who was 180 00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:09.679 around my age. I wanted somebody who had kids around my age. I 181 00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:13.679 wanted somebody who worked in an industry that he understood my industry. These were 182 00:13:13.720 --> 00:13:18.639 basic parameters so that our lives would match. So you go and meet this 183 00:13:18.679 --> 00:13:24.200 guy whose works all night and you work all day. Usually we have Sunday 184 00:13:24.279 --> 00:13:28.240 to see each other. That's when we see each other. I'm new to 185 00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:31.240 dating someone with children, So my question is is one day sufficient enough? 186 00:13:31.480 --> 00:13:35.840 Well, by the way you're describing it, it's going to be twice a 187 00:13:35.879 --> 00:13:39.639 month because he's got his kids, and I don't believe in meeting his kids 188 00:13:39.679 --> 00:13:43.600 until you've been together for at least six months, if not a year. 189 00:13:43.399 --> 00:13:48.799 So answer to your questions, no, no, it's not enough to build 190 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:50.639 a relationship. I mean, not a relationship that you want to be in 191 00:13:50.679 --> 00:13:54.320 the real world together. You guys can see each other two days a month. 192 00:13:56.360 --> 00:14:00.720 Then you say he's consistent with his text and his phone call every day. 193 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:03.960 I guess I'm really starting to like him. I want to see him 194 00:14:03.000 --> 00:14:05.600 more. Yeah, that's what's gonna happen. You're gonna start to like him 195 00:14:05.639 --> 00:14:09.679 more. You're gonna want to see him more, and you won't be able 196 00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:13.960 to see him more. I'm not feeling good about this one. I'm really 197 00:14:13.000 --> 00:14:18.720 not. This is my take. You can play it out until somebody changes 198 00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:22.559 jobs, whatever, but we'll see it's not I don't think it's gonna work. 199 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:26.679 Just don't. Okay, move it on, Dear doctor Wendy. I 200 00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:31.399 was dating this woman who I really liked. I found out that she posted 201 00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:35.360 my picture in a Facebook group. My sister is in to see if she 202 00:14:35.399 --> 00:14:41.679 could get any tea on me. Oh busted. I'm really turned off. 203 00:14:43.159 --> 00:14:46.279 But I tend to cut people off too quickly. Should I talk to her 204 00:14:46.360 --> 00:14:50.720 about it or just that her trust issues are a red flag? Okay? 205 00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:52.559 I just want to tell all the men out there in the world that there 206 00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:58.320 are plenty of groups for women where women are out there when they start dating 207 00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:01.000 a new guy. They post it on Facebook groups or other kinds of websites 208 00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:03.840 and say, anybody dated this guy, anybody know anything about him? This 209 00:15:03.919 --> 00:15:11.840 is called girlfriend to girlfriend gorilla research, and guys, you are on dating 210 00:15:11.840 --> 00:15:15.360 apps even when you're married. You're on dating apps when you're juggling four or 211 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:18.960 five women. We have every right to use technology to do a little bit 212 00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:24.440 of research on you. I don't think that she necessarily has trust issues. 213 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:28.759 I think she's doing what every modern single woman does nowadays. I'm sorry your 214 00:15:28.759 --> 00:15:33.759 sister was in the group. I think you should bring it up in a 215 00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:37.600 lighthearted, comical way. Hey, by the way, you got a little 216 00:15:37.639 --> 00:15:41.159 busted you try to do some research on me, and guess what my sister 217 00:15:41.240 --> 00:15:43.519 was in that group? Ha ha ha. Laugh about it. Make it 218 00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:48.919 cute. She has every right to check up on you, because I'm sorry. 219 00:15:48.320 --> 00:15:52.840 There are so many lying people out there, of all genders, lots 220 00:15:52.879 --> 00:15:58.480 of lying people. Uh okay, dear doctor Wendy, I've been dating this 221 00:15:58.559 --> 00:16:00.039 guy for about two months. Look at this. This is like three people 222 00:16:00.120 --> 00:16:03.600 two months, two months. That's where it gets nerve wracking. I think 223 00:16:04.200 --> 00:16:07.240 we haven't talked about us, but in the first day we both said we 224 00:16:07.240 --> 00:16:11.240 were dating with intentions. See I always say that with intention, so I 225 00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:15.200 think that's covered. He wants me to stay over at his place, but 226 00:16:15.320 --> 00:16:18.480 I don't want to until I know he's not seeing someone else. That's fair. 227 00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:22.639 Do you normally wait until he brings up the topic? No? Okay? 228 00:16:22.679 --> 00:16:25.840 Men, don't bring this up? Or do you ask if he's seeing 229 00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:29.519 someone else? You ask? That's all you do. Do you do it 230 00:16:29.559 --> 00:16:32.480 in person or in a message? You do it in person or on the 231 00:16:32.519 --> 00:16:36.000 phone. This is not for text. I want to handle it respectfully, 232 00:16:36.039 --> 00:16:41.679 says this person. Look, until you feel comfortable with somebody, you should 233 00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:48.759 not do anything that makes you feel awkward, whether it's engaging in a sex 234 00:16:48.799 --> 00:16:52.480 act that you're not ready for, whether it's sleeping over at their house. 235 00:16:52.039 --> 00:16:55.799 And so the way you do it is you say, hey, I really 236 00:16:55.879 --> 00:17:02.559 appreciate the imitation to sleep over. Our relationship is so new it almost feels, 237 00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:04.880 at two months a little new to be having the what are we conversation? 238 00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:10.839 However, having said that, it feels awkward for me to be sleeping 239 00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:15.200 over if there's a chance that you're dating anybody else. So when you get 240 00:17:15.240 --> 00:17:19.000 to a place where you want to be exclusive with me, then talk to 241 00:17:19.039 --> 00:17:23.519 me about sleeping over. That's all you do. You just bring it up, 242 00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:29.680 you talk about it. Why is everybody so afraid to say the truth. 243 00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:33.119 I'll tell you why. Because people's fear of abandonment is bigger than their 244 00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:37.279 fear that they're going to get hurt. Isn't that weird? You're gonna get 245 00:17:37.319 --> 00:17:41.440 hurt anyway with the abandonment. I always say, do the touchdown cheer when 246 00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:45.480 they go running because you asked a simple, honest question, right, Cheer, 247 00:17:45.960 --> 00:17:49.279 be excited if he goes, well, you know it's too early to 248 00:17:49.319 --> 00:17:52.960 know, and you should just sleep bow he goes, all the other women 249 00:17:52.039 --> 00:17:56.640 sleep over, No, just let him run away if he needs to. 250 00:17:56.319 --> 00:18:00.880 Everybody out there, men and women, ask the question. You don't have 251 00:18:00.920 --> 00:18:04.839 to ask it in an adversarial way or a confrontational way. You can ask 252 00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:10.519 it with the sweetest, calmest voice that you have and stay on your own 253 00:18:10.599 --> 00:18:15.759 feelings. Right, talk about how this makes you feel. It is always 254 00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:19.359 my pleasure to weigh in on your love lives. When we come back, 255 00:18:19.400 --> 00:18:25.640 though, I am turning the tables over to parenting a little bit, because 256 00:18:25.839 --> 00:18:27.880 if we want our kids to have good, healthy relationships. We need to 257 00:18:27.960 --> 00:18:34.119 raise resilient kids. When we come back the five rs of Raising Resilient Children. 258 00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:38.000 You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show and KFI AM six forty 259 00:18:38.000 --> 00:18:48.319 one Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on 260 00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:55.920 demand from KFI AM six forty Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on 261 00:18:55.960 --> 00:19:00.559 KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. So remember earlier in 262 00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:06.839 the show, we were talking about how unhappy our youth are in America. 263 00:19:07.720 --> 00:19:15.079 It's a very disturbing statistic. Yet it seems that parents are working harder than 264 00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:22.480 ever to make their children happy. They have become entertainment counsels, they have 265 00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:29.680 become consolers, helicopter parents, snow plow parents. I love that. One 266 00:19:29.799 --> 00:19:33.039 one of my kids grade school teachers use this snow plow parents. You know 267 00:19:33.039 --> 00:19:36.400 what that is. They go out ahead of the kid and they plow a 268 00:19:36.440 --> 00:19:40.720 path for them, so life is easy, breezy. They could just ski 269 00:19:40.799 --> 00:19:45.759 on through that snow. Well. The truth is, raising a happy kid 270 00:19:47.319 --> 00:19:52.880 means learning how to raise a resilient kid because life isn't easy. And in 271 00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:57.680 fact, as I tell my college students, life is actually a series of 272 00:19:57.759 --> 00:20:02.119 problems to be solved, and every day there's a new problem or a new 273 00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:07.039 set of problems. So if we're trying to remove problems from our kids' lives, 274 00:20:07.559 --> 00:20:11.079 that's not actually helping them. There's a great book I recommend called The 275 00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:15.880 Five Principles of Parenting, Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans. It's written 276 00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:22.960 by doctor Eliza Pressman. She is a developmental psychologist and co founder of the 277 00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:27.759 Mount Sinai Parenting Center. She has come up with the five rs to raise 278 00:20:29.039 --> 00:20:33.680 resilient kids, and the first one is the one I have been preaching for 279 00:20:33.759 --> 00:20:40.319 decades. That first R is relationships. Having a strong, safe, secure 280 00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:47.240 relationship with your child. Making sure that they have consistent caregivers who they can 281 00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:52.079 rely on, making sure that they are not punished for their thoughts and for 282 00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:57.559 their words, that they feel safe to tell you everything. When they know 283 00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:03.160 they can go to you for any problem in the world, it helps them 284 00:21:03.640 --> 00:21:07.599 handle adversity better. Right, So, the most important thing with your kids, 285 00:21:08.279 --> 00:21:14.319 especially with dual working parents, is that every child has at least twenty 286 00:21:14.400 --> 00:21:18.599 minutes of special mommy and Daddy time every day. That means no other kids 287 00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:22.000 in the room. That means it's child led activities. They get to choose 288 00:21:22.000 --> 00:21:26.559 what to do and all they do is trust that you'll be there to watch 289 00:21:26.640 --> 00:21:33.079 them. Then they know in their heart and in their mind that they have 290 00:21:33.440 --> 00:21:41.799 somebody else they can rely on and trust. Okay, Reflection teaching your kids 291 00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:48.960 to reflect on what has happened in the day. One trick that parents use 292 00:21:48.039 --> 00:21:52.960 is they'll say highlights lowlights around the dinner table. What was the highlight of 293 00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:56.240 your day? What was the low light of the day. What could you 294 00:21:56.240 --> 00:22:00.440 have done differently with this day? So what do you hope to do differently 295 00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:07.279 tomorrow. Taking time to reflect on the day helps your kids get out of 296 00:22:07.279 --> 00:22:12.279 that emotional funk of feeling shame about whatever happened and instead get into the prefrontal 297 00:22:12.279 --> 00:22:18.200 cortex of problem solving, but also taking time to teach your kids how to 298 00:22:18.200 --> 00:22:23.359 relax their brain. Reflection also involves a little bit of meditation, whether it's 299 00:22:23.400 --> 00:22:30.680 just breathing, spending time in silence doing nothing, not reaching for a phone 300 00:22:30.759 --> 00:22:33.799 or an iPad or a TV anytime there's a moment of silence. But teaching 301 00:22:33.839 --> 00:22:40.160 your kids that it's okay to have just quiet time, to just relax the 302 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:47.119 mind, all right. Number three regulation. I saw parents say on social 303 00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:53.200 media the other day, you are your child's substitute prefrontal cortex until it's fully 304 00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:59.559 developed. We know their prefrontal cortex, the part of their brain that controls 305 00:22:59.640 --> 00:23:03.079 things, manages feelings, and impulses, et cetera. Is involved in planning 306 00:23:03.119 --> 00:23:07.720 and thinking about consequences. That is not fully developed until someone's about twenty five 307 00:23:07.799 --> 00:23:12.240 years old. So they've got to borrow our prefrontal cortex. We've got to 308 00:23:12.359 --> 00:23:18.400 lend it to them by helping them stop themselves, helping them calm down. 309 00:23:18.480 --> 00:23:22.079 Sometimes I used to say that kids are a sponge, right, so they're 310 00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:26.960 going to get whatever feeling we have or how we're behaving. One of my 311 00:23:27.559 --> 00:23:30.279 kids had a lot of anxiety when they were little, a lot of scared 312 00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:33.559 of monsters under the beds, et cetera. And I used to have her 313 00:23:33.640 --> 00:23:37.839 lie with her ear on my heart, and rather than me calming her, 314 00:23:38.720 --> 00:23:44.759 I work to regulate myself. I calmed my body, deep breathing, I 315 00:23:44.880 --> 00:23:52.039 relaxed, right, And kids can actually learn how to self regulate by first 316 00:23:52.559 --> 00:23:56.519 co regulating and yes. Some of it is using a prefrontal cortex to say 317 00:23:56.680 --> 00:23:59.319 no, I'm not going to let you do that. That's too dangerous. 318 00:24:00.200 --> 00:24:04.680 Times it's just about holding them close, calming your own body so they can 319 00:24:04.759 --> 00:24:11.319 learn to calm themselves. Now. The other are fourth of five, if 320 00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:15.319 you're counting, is rules. Kids don't do well with no rules. Kids 321 00:24:15.359 --> 00:24:19.240 also don't do well with too many rules. I always say the two parents 322 00:24:19.279 --> 00:24:23.279 that don't work well are the brick wall parents the kids are always slamming into, 323 00:24:23.799 --> 00:24:27.519 or the jellyfish parents who don't feel safe. Because the kids can walk 324 00:24:27.559 --> 00:24:33.160 through things, they need parents who have a flexible backbone. They need parents 325 00:24:33.160 --> 00:24:37.759 who have good bumpers. So that means giving them boundaries, don't let them 326 00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:41.400 run wild. And then all of a sudden, because the jellyfish parents often 327 00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:47.559 flip and become the brick wall parents when they've just had enough right instead having 328 00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:55.279 consistent boundaries and logical consequences, not punishment, logical consequences for some of those 329 00:24:55.319 --> 00:25:02.920 boundaries. And finally, the fifth are for cre eating resilient kids is repair. 330 00:25:03.759 --> 00:25:07.720 Learning how to fix things when we break them, including hurting other people's 331 00:25:07.799 --> 00:25:14.319 feelings. Often the most important thing in relationships isn't whether you fight or not. 332 00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:19.880 It's about how repair is made afterwards. Learning that kids need to learn 333 00:25:21.200 --> 00:25:23.039 that we're all human, we all make mistakes, we say and do things, 334 00:25:23.079 --> 00:25:26.640 and yes, sometimes repair can literally be they broke someone's window with a 335 00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:30.920 baseball and they've got to now hold a bunch of lemonade stands until they can 336 00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:36.000 pay to help repair that window. Sometimes it's about teaching them how to repair 337 00:25:36.119 --> 00:25:41.759 relationships, how to say I'm sorry, and you do that through modeling. 338 00:25:41.480 --> 00:25:47.599 You do that by having healthy relationships yourself and mom and dad. That's the 339 00:25:47.599 --> 00:25:49.920 biggest thing. Remember, you're not supposed to make your child feel happy. 340 00:25:51.519 --> 00:25:56.160 You're supposed to live your life as a good person in front of them. 341 00:25:56.720 --> 00:26:00.039 You're supposed to not spiral down into tantrums and falling apart. You show them 342 00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:03.559 how you can hold it together, how you can make repair and relationships, 343 00:26:03.799 --> 00:26:10.279 how you can regulate yourself. If you do that, remember the apple doesn't 344 00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:15.279 fall far from the tree. Hey, mom and dad, or if you're 345 00:26:15.279 --> 00:26:18.400 not a parent, everybody else can we talk when we come back. But 346 00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:22.480 how to create a little more meaning in our life. There's lots of research 347 00:26:22.519 --> 00:26:26.400 to show that people who have the best mental health, less depression, less 348 00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:30.519 anxiety, tend to believe that they're here for a reason, that their life 349 00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:36.319 is important, that they matter. Well, there are things we can actually 350 00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:41.000 all be doing on the regular to have more meaning in our lives. Talk. 351 00:26:41.119 --> 00:26:42.599 Let's talk about it when we come back. You are listening to the 352 00:26:42.680 --> 00:26:47.400 Dr Wendy Wall Show and KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the 353 00:26:47.440 --> 00:26:52.640 iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six 354 00:26:52.799 --> 00:27:00.519 forty. Welcome back the Homestretch that the Doctor shows every Sunday from seven to 355 00:27:00.599 --> 00:27:04.480 nine pm. You know, there is a search for meaning in all of 356 00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:08.880 our lives, and our lives the meaning, the purpose, the reason for 357 00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:17.400 being craison changes as we go across the lifespan. Sometimes the meaning in our 358 00:27:17.440 --> 00:27:21.160 life is about being part of the tribe of our family of origin, honoring 359 00:27:21.319 --> 00:27:25.960 our parents. Other times it's about figuring out identity who we are as a 360 00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:32.440 young person sexually, politically, gender wise, job wise, career wise, 361 00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:37.519 relationship wise, and then maybe the meaning is about raising kids and then later 362 00:27:37.880 --> 00:27:44.000 or maybe career and then after these various achievements, there comes a time where 363 00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:48.119 we have to sit around and go, Wow, what now? What is 364 00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:52.200 my meaning? Now? There's lots of research to point to the fact that 365 00:27:52.279 --> 00:27:57.640 when people believe that their life is valuable, that there's a reason why they're 366 00:27:57.640 --> 00:28:03.839 living, that there's in their life, they're happier, they have better lives 367 00:28:03.839 --> 00:28:08.079 in there, they have better relationships. So here are some tips on how 368 00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:15.839 you can create more meaning in your life. The first is to live your 369 00:28:17.240 --> 00:28:23.960 values. Your values, ask yourself what brings you feelings of joy? You 370 00:28:23.960 --> 00:28:27.359 know, this week, I was reading many emails that come to me because 371 00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:32.759 I'm on all kinds of email newsletter lists, and one is from Apricot Lane 372 00:28:32.799 --> 00:28:34.079 Farms. I don't know if you've heard of them. There was a documentary 373 00:28:34.079 --> 00:28:37.640 done on these this couple who put together this organic farm. Maybe you see 374 00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:42.720 their produce and wares at various farmers' markets around Los Angeles. They have a 375 00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:47.200 great documentary called I think it's called The Littlest Big Farm or the Biggest Little 376 00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:49.240 Farm. I get it mixed up the Biggest Little Farm. And it's about 377 00:28:49.240 --> 00:28:53.519 the trials and tribulations of growing in organic farm and dealing with it and sustainability 378 00:28:53.559 --> 00:28:59.119 and composed etc. And I saw their newsletter this week they were selling tickets 379 00:28:59.119 --> 00:29:02.440 for tours and I asked Julio, Hey, do you want to go with 380 00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:03.680 me? To say, oh, no, I'm working that day, and 381 00:29:03.720 --> 00:29:07.640 my daughter's like, she's in school and I could call up a friend, 382 00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:08.440 but it's really far. And then I was like, you know what, 383 00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:14.079 I just want to go. This is for me, this is something I 384 00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:18.759 have an interest in. This is called living your values. Doing things that 385 00:29:18.839 --> 00:29:22.119 bring you joy for no reason except that it brings you joy. So ask 386 00:29:22.200 --> 00:29:26.480 yourself what your passions are, what your interests are, what drives you, 387 00:29:26.839 --> 00:29:33.440 what gets you excited? Right? What does success mean to you? Also, 388 00:29:33.799 --> 00:29:36.799 don't compare yourself to others. Don't worry about what they are doing. 389 00:29:36.960 --> 00:29:42.279 Just think about you. It's really important to not let envy creep in while 390 00:29:42.279 --> 00:29:48.000 you're trying to reassess your life and create more meaning and value to your life. 391 00:29:48.119 --> 00:29:51.000 Now, there's also tons of research to show. You know, we 392 00:29:51.000 --> 00:29:53.440 always talk about gratitude. It's very important that we think about gratitude, but 393 00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:59.640 there's science to it. Okay, that old fashioned idea of counting your blessings, 394 00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:04.920 showing appreciation for what you do have in your life. Embracing the good 395 00:30:06.119 --> 00:30:11.119 around you. Sometimes it means just looking at the little things and saying to 396 00:30:11.160 --> 00:30:15.000 yourself, well, that was a great little thing that happened. You know, 397 00:30:15.039 --> 00:30:21.079 in the past few days, I've found not one, but two lucky 398 00:30:21.119 --> 00:30:25.319 pennies. Now, you know, it means nothing. The penny is worth 399 00:30:25.440 --> 00:30:29.240 very little. It falls out of people's pockets, falls out of people's purses. 400 00:30:29.519 --> 00:30:33.240 They are in parking lots apparently everywhere nowadays. But the fact that I 401 00:30:33.319 --> 00:30:37.839 found two in two days, I have decided to attribute a special feeling to 402 00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:41.839 it. Right So there are ways, though that we can work to create 403 00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:47.319 this kind of counting our blessings and our gratitude. We can write letters to 404 00:30:47.359 --> 00:30:51.799 somebody who's had a positive impact on our life. We could literally write down 405 00:30:51.799 --> 00:30:56.839 and create a list of things that we're grateful for, sometimes just stopping and 406 00:30:56.880 --> 00:31:00.480 feeling thankful. Today I mentioned I was hiking in Santa Monica Mountains. It 407 00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:03.799 was so green, and there were moments where I just stood and I looked 408 00:31:03.799 --> 00:31:08.920 at the multicolors of green and the spring blooms, and I just felt so 409 00:31:10.079 --> 00:31:12.480 thankful for this view. Also, having been in New York earlier in the 410 00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:15.640 week, which felt like a concrete jungle compared to the beauty we live in 411 00:31:15.920 --> 00:31:19.920 around Greater Los Angeles. I was just like, I was amazed at it 412 00:31:19.960 --> 00:31:26.000 all. All right. Another thing we can do to create a little more 413 00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:33.000 meaning is our lives is just keep an eye out for small stuff that feels 414 00:31:33.000 --> 00:31:36.319 big. I mentioned the two pennies. Okay, they're small stuff, I 415 00:31:36.400 --> 00:31:41.319 made them feel big to me. So when I was on my flight back 416 00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:45.480 from New York on Friday, super packed, super long flight, I was 417 00:31:45.559 --> 00:31:48.079 on standby, so I'm lucky to get a seat. So I had to 418 00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:51.920 go down to class, sitting there and coach squished in not a whole lot 419 00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:53.359 of service. At a certain point, I was like, you know, 420 00:31:53.680 --> 00:31:56.160 I just need a glass of wine. I know they're not serving it in 421 00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:00.440 this coach here. I'm going to go to the back. I'm gonna find 422 00:32:00.480 --> 00:32:02.200 a flight attendant. I'm gonna pull out my credit card. I'm gonna buy 423 00:32:02.240 --> 00:32:07.559 myself a glass of wine so I can get through this flight. So I 424 00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:09.799 go to the back. The flight attendants are busy on their computers and with 425 00:32:09.839 --> 00:32:14.079 their newspapers and magazines, so I have to go behind the curtain and interrupt 426 00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:17.160 them, and sim so sorry could I possibly bother you to purchase a glass 427 00:32:17.160 --> 00:32:21.839 of wine. Woman finds me a little bottle of wine, hands it to 428 00:32:21.920 --> 00:32:25.359 me. I hand her my credit card and she smiles and she goes Happy 429 00:32:25.400 --> 00:32:30.839 Easter, Love, enjoy. I felt so special at that moment. I 430 00:32:30.920 --> 00:32:35.640 was like, Wow, there's a little meaning. There's a woman who hope 431 00:32:35.640 --> 00:32:38.160 she's not getting fired because I said this, who did a little sweet thing 432 00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:42.640 for me for no reason, and I decided to make it a big deal 433 00:32:42.680 --> 00:32:47.839 in my head. Right, I appreciated things. I appreciate nature and the 434 00:32:47.880 --> 00:32:51.319 sound of birds no matter where I am, even in New York, I 435 00:32:51.359 --> 00:32:55.599 heard them. Sometimes I hug my partner or my young adult kid for no 436 00:32:55.720 --> 00:32:59.920 reason other than I just want some dopamine. I want to give them some 437 00:33:00.079 --> 00:33:06.440 dopamine, and I just appreciate them. Sometimes I appreciate the fact that I'm 438 00:33:06.440 --> 00:33:09.920 physically able to clean my room spotlessly and change the sheets and get into a 439 00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:14.559 fresh bed in the evening. That feels so good. So you decide what 440 00:33:14.680 --> 00:33:21.039 it is small things I want you to discover in your life and create big 441 00:33:21.200 --> 00:33:27.559 meaning around them. Also, focus on positive relationships. I say this all 442 00:33:27.640 --> 00:33:30.640 the time. I had the good fortune to see a friend in New York 443 00:33:30.680 --> 00:33:34.200 for a very brief dinner late at night. We hadn't seen each other in 444 00:33:34.200 --> 00:33:37.200 a couple of years, and it was just so great to catch up. 445 00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:38.839 I have a best friend, Maria. We talk on the phone every single 446 00:33:38.920 --> 00:33:42.880 day. Whenever one of us gets on the freeway in the morning, the 447 00:33:42.920 --> 00:33:44.799 other Oh, I have to tell you a funny story. So the other 448 00:33:44.920 --> 00:33:47.839 day, I'm sitting at electric car charger, flipping through my phone, going 449 00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:52.599 through our emails, and my phone rings and I answer and I say hello, 450 00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:54.559 and the girl goes, uh, oh, my god, I just 451 00:33:54.599 --> 00:33:57.799 got on the ninety one. The traffic so bad. But I want to 452 00:33:57.799 --> 00:34:00.200 hear what happened last night before I get I think we got a good action, 453 00:34:00.279 --> 00:34:02.480 can you hear me? And she's right into the conversation about her day, 454 00:34:04.359 --> 00:34:07.400 and I say, hello, who is this? And she said it's 455 00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:14.360 Sevilla And I'm like, I, Syvia, who are you calling? And 456 00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:17.440 she's laughing because she's quite sure. She goes, I said this, she 457 00:34:17.519 --> 00:34:21.440 said, Audrey. I said, this isn't Audrey. She goes, yes, 458 00:34:21.480 --> 00:34:23.400 it is. Your picture's on my phone. I see it's Audrey and 459 00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:25.920 I'm like, I don't know what technical problem we're having. But this is 460 00:34:25.960 --> 00:34:29.639 not Audrey, and I'm like, have a great day, but try and 461 00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:31.400 dial her again. But the thing that was funny about it is we're both 462 00:34:31.480 --> 00:34:36.480 laughing, is that I'm not the only one who gets on the phone in 463 00:34:36.519 --> 00:34:40.920 the morning, connects with some close friend and just starts rattling away on LA 464 00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:45.960 freeways. Right. I encourage you to do more than that, as much 465 00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:52.519 as you can spend time with positive people, see them in the real world. 466 00:34:53.239 --> 00:34:57.199 There's also research to show that nostalgia's really good for us. By the 467 00:34:57.239 --> 00:35:01.519 way, so reminiscing with friends and family, thinking about the past. You 468 00:35:01.519 --> 00:35:05.800 know, today, Julie and I stopped at one of our favorite places to 469 00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:07.920 have lunch, the Old Place in that tiny little town of Cornell. That's 470 00:35:08.519 --> 00:35:13.119 where how do you even describe where that is? It's kind of Calabasis, 471 00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:15.199 and it's kind of a gor and it's kind of Maliboun, it's kind of 472 00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:17.639 Santamonica Mountains. I don't actually know. I can't explain where the Old Place 473 00:35:17.719 --> 00:35:21.360 is, but if you've been there, it's the most adorable place. And 474 00:35:21.400 --> 00:35:24.760 we'd love to sit outside and have a bite and talk. And I said, 475 00:35:24.800 --> 00:35:28.400 remember at the beginning of our relationship. Remember, we used to do 476 00:35:28.440 --> 00:35:30.199 this all the time. It's nice to get to do it once in a 477 00:35:30.199 --> 00:35:35.440 while again. So think about nostalgia. What can you do with a friend 478 00:35:35.519 --> 00:35:37.719 or family or lover that you haven't done in a long time. Revisit it 479 00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:42.760 because I want you to have meaning and I want you to have happiness in 480 00:35:42.800 --> 00:35:46.960 your life. And that, my dear friends, brings the Doctor Wendy Wall's 481 00:35:46.960 --> 00:35:51.920 show to a close. I am always here for you every Sunday from seven 482 00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:54.599 to nine pm on KFI. But in addition, I run a Patreon group. 483 00:35:54.679 --> 00:36:00.239 We talk about everything. It's a great little group on a zoom room 484 00:36:00.599 --> 00:36:02.000 on Wednesday nights at six thirty. So if you want to join that, 485 00:36:02.119 --> 00:36:07.920 you just go to Patreon dot com slash doctor Wendy Walsh. Also, my 486 00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:12.239 social media everywhere is at doctor Wendy Walsh. But I'm always here for you 487 00:36:12.840 --> 00:36:16.159 on KFI Am six forty. You've been listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show 488 00:36:16.199 --> 00:36:22.480 on KFI Am six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening 489 00:36:22.519 --> 00:36:24.760 to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live on KFI Am six 490 00:36:24.840 --> 00:36:30.159 forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.