They can be taken down by bad at it. I mean, look at
somebody like om Rosa. Yes, you know, clearly got a bad at
it. Clearly got a bad at it fourteen times. No, I believe
she's actually a horrible person. Yeah, yeah, maybe what was she like
a health secretary or something? I think you want to hear A funny thing
this is when I was watching politics the phone call to her to President Trump
at the time, after learning she got fired. They patched her through because
she wanted to set her Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry here that you
got fired. PI. Hello, and how are you. It's another belowdeck
podcast. My name is Dylan, and that is pat permission to come aboard
granted? Dude. What's up? Nothing, dude? You know you and
I just spoke to the loveliest woman the Balkan Biscuit herself, Ellie. Just
a lovely interview about perspective, about how you approach life as a happier person.
Yeah, you know, I gotta just mine too. I'll want me
to vamp while you're doing that. Yeah, yeah, I really enjoy talking
to her because you don't see it that often. I haven't heard her.
Actually, you know what she does talk some massive shit about coworkers, so
she can get in the mud a little bit, but her perspective on overall
life and how you should hey, hey, hey, who is in love
mud? Every once in a while, that's true. You know what,
I don't trust the person that won't talk a little shit. I can't stand
it. I cannot stand it. It drives me nuts when people won't go
there with you. It's like, what are we doing. We're not fucking
selling him out to the SS. We're just talking about how he's fucking late
all the time. Yeah, Nathan has bad breath. You don't know what
the fuck? Come on, you know, I gotta tell you, man,
it is marvel that I am here right now because Daddy just got Diablo.
I know many of you have said that I need to get Dragon Dragon's
Dogma two. I will get around to it, but daddy's got h got
Diablo four now. And like, is that is that weed talk or something?
He's so stupid? What the fuck? No, it's a I'm doing
a I'm doing a Druid build right now. Big Big guys plays kind of
tanky. His name's Oak. So that's been a lot of fun. But
like I said, it's a miracle that I showed up here today. But
we are here, and we are here to talk about below deck. Dude.
Yees, I had so much fun with this episode. Wow, that's
refreshing. Yes, it was. It was an eighty eight pot episode.
It was quintessential incompetence thrust upon the wealthy. And it's not even a wealthy
that we really like. I mean, it's a wealthy that I don't like.
I mean, it's so many soliloquies about Center Court and whatnot. So
it was it was just a blast. We've got messy love triangles going.
I mean, Gail who loves her boyfriend is an Arrested Development character. I
mean, it is the funniest fucking thing how much she loves her boyfriend.
I thought it was just an amazing episode. Eighty potts. Wow, Okay,
I liked it not as much as you did, But what I caught
was, I love when Captain Sandy joins dinner, it rarely goes well,
She's like you ever see that movie The Cooler? I think Alec Baldwin's in
it. And yeah, I actually, when I was younger, I actually
pleasured myself to Maria Bello very attractive, so beautiful in that film. But
but what a sick little puppy. I was not at all. I mean,
it's it's just it's a film about you know, depression, loneliness.
You know. Yeah, quick sidebar. If you still got a fan of
Maria Bellow, check her out in History of Violence in that cheerleading outfit.
All right, I'm sorry that I pushed us down that slow. Oh yeah,
yeah, Cooler, the cooler. It's a film where whenever someone's winning
in Vegas, like they're really hot at the tables. William H. Macey
was hired by the casino, he'd go stand next to him. Yeah,
he has a kind of like necrotic energy. He sweats bad luck. That's
what Captain Sandy is to dinners. She sits down and it's a horrific experience,
experience for all. Can I tell you thank you so much for bringing
us all the way back around the What are those what are those places that
Native Americans live at? Tribe? No? Yeah, yeah, no,
I know I know what you're talking about. Reservation, Yeah, no,
reservation anyways, go at Oh okay, So anyway, Sandy's a cooler And
then has anybody else noticed it's Sandy and Gigi. They look like sisters.
Yeah, yeah they are. They're good buddies over there. Anyway, I
enjoyed the episode. I too enjoyed it because it is in fact incompetence being
thrust for the wealthy. Hey, the rust. Hey, Oh, I
cannot wait. Do you remember when the ice cream was soup next to the
cake? I mean, I can't wait to get into this. Oh.
I'd love to look at their Instagram and all the lovely pictures of those from
those photos from the dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, no,
I'm but I think many fans will be delighted to hear that. You
know, I don't think we're we're gonna have to wade too deep into any
of the Haliburton waters that we waited until last week, because there's just so
much meat on this bone. So let's get into the episode. Pat,
where do we begin? Oh? Okay, so this is a great start.
So it's where we left off. Clearly, Gigi's up in that bridge
with her best friend and sister, Captain Sandy and the deconstructed sponge cake seemed
like a fancy little title for a mistake, and I agree with that.
And the eggs were cold, and they were cold like her right hand was
during that half folly in the first set of that fourth Grand Slam title.
Ye, who gives a shit? Right by the way, you hang out
with Gigi, don't ever like tell her your dog died or something like that.
She'll find a way to talk about tennis and how awesome she is.
I don't like gig Dude. I keep saying that word. I've said dude
like a fucking turtle from finding Mema may too many times already, so I'm
going to try to stop. Well, you know what, it's a trigger
for me, Dylan. I mentioned this on our other show that we do
called Another podcast show, which you should check out on the Bad TV feed
once a week. Dylan and I just talk about whatever's top of mine and
I bitch about my friendships, and mainly the last couple episodes, I talked
about how my friends I'll go out to lunch with them or a happy hour.
Forty five minutes passes, we've had a couple of cocktails, they haven't
asked me a damn thing about myself. I like, gg, well he
was talk about themselves four an hour. Yeah, do you have those friends?
You got to ask people about themselves, okay, and that that's classic
Malcolm what's his name? Greenwald? What's his name? Uh huh? The
guy that wrote all the laws that you love to use to man. I
forget his name, but the book's called the forty eight Laws of Power.
Right, Yeah, ask people about themselves, you know, it'll get you
a long way. It absolutely doesn't. Gigi doesn't do that, and neither
do some of my closest friends. They should have a me off date.
Yeah, the last episode of APS, if it's in the bad TV feed.
You know, I felt a little. I was a little worried about
it, just because we well, you hurt my feelings. You call my
friends losers. No, that was a Patreon Oh and I did feel bad
about that, and I texted you after I said I was having a bad
day. I don't know what's gotten into me. You know that's okay,
we all have bad days. See how good I am. You're talking about
yourself and I'm encouraging you. Okay, but no, we broke down theeans
and bearded vulture theraeans. So people that think they're cats, well, people
that are cats. So obviously this meeting is anti climactic, and Sandy says,
hey, listen, no problem that you served, you know, rotting
cold eggs to my Gigi. More on that at five. So yeah,
although we're not moving out of that conversation, aren't well I was planning on
Oh okay, all right, So you're referring to when Sandy calls Jono up
to the bridge and he doesn't attempt to spin on those cold eggs. He
basically says, hey, Sandy, look I made him at a thirty and
because the guests got up at ten thirty, clearly the eggs were going to
be cold. Hey, guy, guy, this guy is getting fired next
episode, if not the beginning of the fifth episode, hundred percent. I
want to remind the audience in episode one I predicted episode five. I think
I might be right, however not However, more talk about Joe. I
want to tell Jonah this, Jono, I understand your explanation, and I
appreciate that you're being completely transparent and honest about your horrible fuck ups. Right,
but you're not a chef at a prison, right, Okay, this
is a super yacht. Hey, Jonah, my eggs are cold. Well,
you strangled your grandmother to death while she was sleeping. So eat cold
eggs, eggs. I'm a rich person and I'm paying for warm out.
Yeah, Gigi can't go to prison for boasting about her tennis accomplishments, regardless
of whether or not we think she should. But Jonah is one of those
people that JOHNO excuse me, sorry, So Johnah is one of those people
that they give you very transparent answers, and it's it's they're the markings of
someone who is not familiar with the way things are done. Right, So
you'll go, hey, why did you serve roastmary, coconut lime chicken?
Regardless of how disgusting that sounds, why did you serve chicken? He goes,
well, that was the only thing that they all ate. That is
such an honest answer. Now, an actual chef would make two different things,
maybe three different things, you know, three different plays. But not
John Oh. Jhono was just like they said, they were waking up at
eight thirty. Okay, that's what time I put the fucking eggs out there.
All right, John's gone in an episode and a quarter, no more
so. The Balkan Biscuit continues her tutelage of cheese. We prep for a
beach day. The bosn has to set the whole thing up and come back
more on that at five o'clock. Did we pass by that quick little vignette
where they were talking about perms? Oh yeah, definitely, Oh you did
pass over that? Okay, my dad had a perm. You know,
I didn't really have a good relationship with my father, but a big fat,
big fat fat dad. That's right. It's really even odder when a
dude has a perm. Yeah, you know, like mister Brady. I
think season five of The Brady Bunch, he had a fucking perm. He
died of aides. I think, ah, yeah, he did well.
The eighties ruined people's fashion. Anybody my age or a peer of mine will
know that the eighties were horrible. They did two things. Padded shoulders and
women's makeup made every woman look like the singer twisted. So yeah, a
lot of like steamed veg too. Oh yes, a lot of steamed ben
like Cole Robbie got brought out a ton in the eighties. I wasn't alive
though, so I'm not really sure. So Asha's staring down the barrel at
two dudes who are on their way too completely and utterly incompetent. So Johnah
wants to make food that will retain its heat from kitchen to tender to hypodermic
beach that they're going to be setting up at, which is it kind of
impossible? But that wasn't the issue. You know, I was thinking as
he's as he's you know, spouting this nonsense. As he's going, you
know, I want to I want to get it from the kitchen to the
tender to the needle riddle beach. It's going to lose its temperature. You
still got to put it out. You know. I don't know what the
capabilities are with this boat. You should probably just go to the beach and
cook the food. I don't know if he could do that or not.
But the real thorn in the side of this beach day is and I mean
Ian is like, I mean, I find myself asking are you on fetanyl?
Like is going on? Yeah? Well all right, so I'm not
sure if we are at the place where Sandy and him they do like a
little meat up there to discuss that picnic setup, and she informs him he
will stay on the boat. Yeah, okay, because it's a safety thing.
And according to h Sandy. Safety is always paramount, except for that
part when those two people were allowed to float several miles out to sea on
paddle boards where no one noticed. But I want to point out, Sandy,
this is why I mock you. You know, this is why I
mock you. You say insane things like that. This proposal is going to
be the most boring ever. Listen, We're happy for him, but I
mean very happy for you. So happy. I mean, who doesn't deserve
love outside of you know, sickos and and you know fu corporatists, right,
but that well you say that in a mocking way, but you know
they are fucking disgusting. They're ruining the country. I mean, I don't
know why we have to get into it. Okay, all of them,
all of them? Well, Patrick, we can have a nuanced discussion.
Let me take that again. Let me try one more time. Take this
again. We can have a nuanced discussion about the corporate takeover of this country.
Off, Mike, Okay, all right, let's make fun of sea
rats. You excited for that debate. I don't plan on watching. I'm
going on out to have drinks with my friends. You should so Ian is
not on fatanyl, but he is bad at being a boson. They I
don't know what this insistence is on games Asia is, like I found out
later, they put it in the preference sheet. But what are we doing.
We're on vacation, we're in our sixties. Why do we need games
all over the place. Yeah, you know, one of which was the
Long Jump, which, if you're not familiar, is just jumping. That's
the oldest game in mankind. Yeah yeah, yeah, you run and you
jump. Yeah. They set that up. The sea routes, set up
Long Jump and a wicked game of I Spy for the ladies. All right,
a couple things here now. Deal. You already touched on Jono being
very nervous about the lunch picnic whatever, you know, because he's in hot
water. I mean, you could be fired at any time, more than
likely the next episode. I would argue to Jonah, let's not concern ourselves
with the lunch so much as let's not prepare it in an hour and a
half before you're about to serve it. I think you'll be fine, Johanna,
You're gonna be fine. Just don't do the things you've been doing.
So Ian goes and tells the sea routes that they've got to come up with
the games. Gail, who is in love with their boyfriend, says,
why don't we replicate the Olympic Games? And Ian tells her to shut the
fuck up while he's eating. It's like you just told them that you want
them to come up with the things. What is going on with this guy?
Well, to be fair to Gail, she is the most genuine girl
that Thing two has ever met his entire life. Thing one, Thing one
forgive me ethan. That's right, And if her boyfriend's watching, he might
disagree. Yeah, well he might. Who knows though, I mean,
we don't know the guy. He could be insane. So we head to
the beach and the feud is erupting. Ian has taken the comeback to the
boat directive as I'm gonna go suck down a DC while you guys do all
the work. Poor what is it? Poor Thing two and Gail are aided
at some point by a street child. I mean, there's a child and
a speed of the chips in more than their bosin. Let me tell you
something. It I think Forrest Gump walked less than these two. Is goddamn
beach Thing yeah, well, at least there weren't hypodermic needles on the beach,
but you know, it's still that was crazy. Well, one of
the most unenjoyable experiences in the human condition picking heavy shit up and walking a
long way with it. I mean, it just sucks. It sucks,
it sucks. I had to do that quite a bit when I worked at
that amusement park. So Ian is pissing off everyone and the guests are ready
to go, and they hit that tender very quickly. They arrive at the
beach before literally anything is set up. It's crazy, but par for the
course with sea rats. Par for the course for sea rats. They literally
they land and there's one chair. Okay, but they do have long jump
and volleyball with a net that is maybe three feet off the ground. If
you can rest your penis on the top of something, I don't think it's
a regulation, right, no, no, no, no, When a
four year old could jump over it, it's not a volleyball. Well,
and you and I can't rest our penis is on anything because they're so tiny,
you know, they just slip right off. That's why I love,
you know, carving's of antiquity. So much. I see myself in the
statue too. But the first time I went to Rome, I actually got
to see what Yeah, a penis that reflected my own You know, I
was born in the wrong decade. Why can't I go back then? They'd
love it, you know, watching all the point that I have over the
years. Yeah, you know, of course that makes you feel inferior,
you know, but I should have grown up in Rome at five hundred BC.
Yeah, no, give me, I'm a cocksman, right, they'd
call me long Dong patty. Yeah, yeah, calm down, now,
listen. The thing with with with the way that the Romans had it is
that they knew that all right. So let's take somebody like Johnny Sins right
now, he's got a sledgehammer. It's completely unbecoming for art. No,
can you imagine that thing made out of cement? Yeah, I mean,
it's just the structural integrity would be a disaster, probably break off after a
couple of thousand years. I mean, it's just they had it right.
Let's talk about Tropical Swooping. I love this. It is such an awesome
company. I love Tropical Smoothie Cafe so dang muchy me too, Yeah,
man, you know, I don't think we've talked about this. They have
wonderful Kai bowls, They have flatbread, they have other amazing products aside from
the smoothies. I love so much. When me and Pat walk into a
Tropical smooth Cafe, back goes, Let me get one of Kai bowl and
whatever smoothie makes the whales talk. That's right, except for whales. You
can't have any of my Tropical smooth No, you cannot. No, I
already told you you can't have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So
what you can do? He's going to the fourteen hundred plus locations any one
of them, preferably not near the water if you don't want those whales asking.
Yeah, it's very greedy. They essentially become seagulls, you know.
They come into the woodwork, like, how are there thousands of you?
Because it's glava, Because it's mango, it's mago, it's berries, its
berries, it's it's mohidos and more. Go to one of the over fourteen
hundred plus locations of Tropical Smoothie Cafe. You're on traffic time now or use
the app with code bad TV. We love you much. Tropical Smoothie cafe.
Let's get back to the show. Oh yes, a right, okay,
So we have ring toss too, Dell. That's also from uh,
I believe the ancient Olympics in Greece. What are you looking for? There?
My phone, it's right in front of you. You ding dong.
Oh there it is. Okay, we have ring toss, volleyball. I
don't think volleyball was in the original Olympics. And then of course the volleyball.
Yeah yeah, I was Oh it was yeah, oh wow great.
So the food is ready to go and Johno is in the hot seat,
so he's a little stressed. But I would be stressed too if I had
to work with Ian. There's an exchange here that demonstrates that be an on
fentanol h. Johno says it's two fourteen, where are we? And Ian
says it's a quarter past two? So this is pristine below deck chaos.
Okay. The sea rats are just sea rating all over the fucking place.
One of the games is, as we mentioned, long jumping, which is
like, it's it's so nuts that one of the games was run and jump.
So this is what I do if I was a sea rat, A
savvy sea rat you know, we're all like spreading out, you know,
and like, all right, who's gonna set what up? And I'll say,
I'll set up the long jump. Yeah, all set up round robin.
That's what they should have done. They should have just fucking slammed into
each other. How many shoulders would have been dislocated if they had done that?
Quite a lot. Yeah, So we move on to the food arriving
there is shade for one and a half of them, and they sit down
and they suck down the best meal of the charter. But as they are
doing so, as such or so, a mutiny is birfoot. And in
this episode of Everything Sea Rat mutinies. Oh yeah, I mean the Thing
one and Thing two and Gail who loves her boyfriend all gather and speak on
what an idiot ian is. And I think we cut back to pictures of
that Italian grandpa who wasn't in the mob or anything. You just didn't like
tattoos. Yep, it still sucks. Still a zero. Hey, by
the way, the Barnacle that reached out to me privately, Yes, I
would like you to update the Sea Rat sad scale after each episode. We
need Patrick, Listen, you do not have to do that. You do
not have to do that. When you feel like updating it, you can,
Like let's say somebody comes on and says, I had a tap dancing
show. My dad came in and said, your mom's been hit by a
bus. Go out there and get them. If that happens eight, that's,
you know, if we need to bump up the scale. Bump up
the scale. I mean, you do it a job, but you don't
need to do it every day. I don't think. I mean, that's
very labor intensive. Once a week, but why is this grandpa on the
screen. It's like it's less than a zero. It's bizarre. It's one
of those things where you're like, why are the editors doing this? Are
they in doctor Susland? What does his grandpa have anything to do with what
this man's saying? And once again I'm warning everybody in production and anybody that
mentions this Italian grandpa grandpa unless he blew up in a car with a car
bomb as a result to mafia ties it, I don't give a fuck.
Well, I mean, it doesn't just have to be the mafia, you
know. I mean, let's say we've got an Italian Grandpa, he's not
in the mafia at all. Okay. He's walking down some kind of market,
some kind of bizarre and there's a fruit vendor and he's got one of
his pairing knives with him and he just kills him with it. Well,
and that grandpa was, you know, a mentor to one of these,
hereats if they told that story, Mob, No, Mob, I mean
that's that's at least a two a pairing knife. Yeah yeah, okay,
yeah, I mean it's not a it's not a good score, but it's
definitely on. It's okay, yeah yeah. Sandy says, uh, when
the guest get back to the boat, she wants to transform that boat into
a goddamn resort, which I'd argue is the initial intention of being on a
yacht. Some of the yellow stains, I would imagine. So Asha does
a performance review real quick says when it says beach Olympics on the preference sheet,
you should probably plan that. At some point, Ian is talking about
how good of a job he's doing, and Asia calls a Greek folk dancer,
So that's gonna be happening. Dinner is gaspacho and seafood pasta and sandy
will be seated at dinner this evening. And because of that, Johanno's nipples
are hot. Yeah yeah, heytill am I an inferior food pig for just
describing gaspacho as a fancy word for cold soup. You know, my my
darling mother made gaspacho over the weekend. It was delicious. But the thing
about caspacho is that it's a it's a low ceiling food. You know,
It's just it's cold soup. Okay, you know, I don't I don't
want I don't want cold cucumber soup, you know. Even Oh but what
about on a hot day? Now, I don't want that. I don't
care what the temperature is outside at all, just on the merits of the
dish. I mean, it's disgusting, thank you, but not. I
mean, a good gaspacho can be a seven, but that's the best.
Now, are we at dinner, diller? Do we have other details that
we did get to Let me see, Let me see, let me see,
did we did we talk about how we spent the same exact amount on
the wars in the Middle East that Donald Rumsfeld said was missing from the Pentagon
On September tenth. I think you mentioned that the last time. All right,
So all right, so we covered that then, No, we've got
a little bit to get into. So cheese seems to and I'm kidding about
all that stuff, Okay, I don't, It's just funny to me,
that's right. Okay, So cheese seems to be doing well. The ladies
get back from jet Ski's and timeshare has returned. She goes down to the
kitchen and he tells her what he's making again, similar to chicken and cake.
He says, I'm gonna serve them cold, wet soup and pasta.
I don't know what is happening with these two course chefs. Now, we
did get a dinner to round out three courses, but the night before,
I mean he served them chicken, cake and a lot. It happens so
often on this show where you know the food is just not enough. You
know, you were served, you know, broiled turkey and some kind of
sweet thing, and then you want like a grilled cheese sandwich and the chef's
like, fuck off. And it's crazy, all right. This show has
done more damaged that fucking industry, I think than anything that the world getting
colder and turning the ocean into ice would do less damage than this show has
done. That's what Greta has been talking about. Right, How damn you
that's a really good credit. Oh my god. Yeah, I think it's
so disgusting. You know what these people, as Greta matures and she gets
what crude pieces you should call heavies. It's like, leave the girl alone.
She's trying to save the planet talking about her heavies. It's ridiculous.
And also listen, you know, I want to stop the world from being
sick too, but let's not spray paint like Stonehenge and paintings that mean a
lot to the world and mess up Scottie Cheffler's It doesn't cause no, I
mean, just talk to Jijin Pink, have a have a meeting with him
and start there. Okay, So timeshare is activated, very activated. The
gaspacho hits the table. It is a gaspacho with a plantain ship an feta,
and Gigi turns into a bit of a kind of a culinary bassett out.
She's sniffing out the spices all incorrect. But the question arises, where
did this recipe? Yeah, and John says, I don't know, some
fucking old woman. There's probably Dad Covid and Sandy Well, I wish you
went that deep. He pretty much what he says. It was a Google,
sir. She was probably can I teach this? I said, some
old bit of don Coche. No, I wish she did, because this
is how Patty's going to help him rather than you know, say you looked
up Google, you know, for a recipe or of someone who might have
like you know, been around. Say you when your great grandmother died,
you loved her a lot, and then you put like play music under this
or something. Okay, do you want me to do that? Well,
no, you don't feel Maybe the listening audience will just picture it in their
head, you know. Okay, So your grandma died and you're like,
wow, she's dead, and then you went up to her attic and you
found a box and under a pile of double sided dildos, granted was a
freaking what you know what? You found a book of recipes in this recipe
where Gaspacho was in there. And that's why I'm serving it to you.
To Dylan, Sometimes the details of a story or what's sell the ship out
of it. Okay. If I didn't put the dildo thing in there,
I don't think they're buying it. Okay, Okay, I googled it.
What story works better? Well, okay, sorry distracted, I'm a little
distracted, but I'm going to try to move on. I'm going to try
to move on. Okay, I googled it's so crazy, like m hm.
You know, there's are those communities in uh in Florida where the elderly
are just pounding away obliterating. Oh they have to bring so much like sexually
tranits, emitted diseases, medications in there. Yeah, blow your fucking mind.
Yeah, but I hope that, like I mean, listen to the
first time you should get herpes should be when you're ninety two. Absolutely absolutely,
I'm gonna do a hot shot of heroin when I'm older. There you
go, you know, feel it for the first time. M hm.
Anyway, well let's move on. Okay. So I don't think the I
googled a bubby recipe throws the scent that you have no idea what's going on
any better than secret recipe. I mean, I think I think a lot
of people, you know, if if JOHNA was like, oh, it's
a secret recipe, and had served you chicken and cake the night before,
you'd be like, Okay, this guy's zero clue what's going on. So
JOHNA is on the chopping block, Ellie is flirting with thing two and Cheese
is hurt. Now let me touch on thing two in this flirting. Yeah,
because she's throwing out sexuality and I appreciate that because that lets you know,
like, oh, you're into me, she's no, no, no.
This was when the Biscuit tells Joe her crazy eyes because he goes,
you got crazy eyes? She goes, you know what that means. It
means I'm great in bed? Oh wow, I like that throwing it out
there. Yeah, are there's some stereotypes out there that just aren't true.
Irish people clearly don't have issues with anger and drinking whiskey. Italians don't have
uncles in the mob. But girls that are crazy are definitely great in bed.
Yeah. Yeah, And that's one of life's kind of tortuous little paradoxes,
you know, And it is a stereotype. It's the best sex you
ever had. The bad news is she's throwing things at you. You got
a hap, Hey, hey, can we just calm down, have sex
again. You know, everybody's been there, and and women, let us
know, like, what's this? What is it? The same way with
guys? Are bad? Boys good in bed? That's right. I can't
imagine men are good in bed period. I feel like women are much better
in bed than men. Probably. Oh yeah, I agree, you know.
Yeah, we're not docile enough creatures. No, no, no,
we're not. We don't pay attention to detail. No, okay, so
we have to get to the pasta, which is a nothing short of a
fucking sixteen car pile up. The dish is kacho ai pepe with a jumbo
shrimp on the side. So let's do this. Let's not use the thickest
pasta on planet Earth for this, right, it was like I don't know,
well, it was like feticini or something. Yeah, it was so
weird how thick it was. And let's pick one of the other. Right,
let's go with coccio pepe, or let's go with a fruit de de
mare. If you want to do a seafood pasta, do that. If
you want to do kacho a pepe, do that. Now. Of course
you could combine them, right, but you know you could combine them in
the way that like you could you know, instead of using water color to
paint, you could use feces. I mean you would you wouldn't do it,
but you could do it. Can I point something out? Don't remind
me? In the preference sheet, did they ask for a dinner that would
have multiple courses? Yeah? Okay, three is technically that doesn't fall.
Three is a meal at Caros Okay. Yeah, Hey honey, you want
to split the mozzarella sticks. Yeah, I'll take that for of course one,
of course, two, I don't know, plate of seafood, pasta,
and then I get dessert. Yeah. So so Johno serves the kind
of food that fast, casual, nihilistic institutions serve, right, so places
where you walk in and if you're not completely numb to the world, you'll
kill yourself after you leave them, because it's it's the mazzarella sticks, it's
the Southwest chicken egg rolls, it's the chicken fra diavlo pasta, and then
of course it's a lava cake. And you get California Pizza Kitchen. So
back off, no, no, no, California Pizza Kitchen is I'm thinking
more You know what, I shouldn't be so snobby outwardly. Okay, also
might be a potential sponsor whoever you're gonna throw listen, okay, soup plantations,
soup plantation. I've thought about killing myself pretty much every single time I've
walked out. I get so depressed. Yeah, and Sizzler was a magical
place for me. It's it's where we had divorced dad lunches all the time,
right, But if you go back there without the rose colored glasses of
a child who just gets to spend time with their dad, it's a breeding
ground for the next pandemic. It's disgusting, all right, But cpka,
where you're sitting down, you look around at the other patrons, You're like,
I don't want to be that part. Yeah, yeah, it's be
but also you know by that same by that same thing, like you you
could go to Wolfgang Puck's restaurants and look across and I don't want to be
that dick. Yeah right, but in a different way, in a different
way. He's got money, you know, this person's poor. So the
dinner is disgusting, and we get a cool history on Gg's Dennis career,
where she met the King and Queen of Spain from Afar was this when she
was almost thrown up at that seafood meal too? I I yeah, I
mean, I don't know how anybody could have kept that down. So Gail
loves her boyfriend but is falling in love with thing one. The girl is
a hopeless romantic. Yes, also genuine Gael, Yeah, genuine Gaiel.
So Johna is losing it. He says, the dessert is ready. It
is absolutely odd. Ellie walks into the galley and he says, oh you,
I mean he's he's a dradal right now. So and those those little
round cakes are hockey pucks. Hockey pucks, hockey pucks. The dessert is
overcooked. It's overcooked lava cake with wet ice cream that he forgot he had.
One of the guests describes the dish as interesting. I don't know enough
about baking, but what's inside the lava cake is not the same. It
doesn't have the same kind of like structure of flour as the rest of the
cake does. So if you overbake that, it turns into something that not
only is the cake disgusting, but the inside is interesting. So two pots,
but fear not all will be fixed with a couple of gypsies playing cobblestone
songs above deck. Yeah. I was gonna say though, back to that
description of dinner as interesting. Can you imagine someone critiquing you in bed after
sex? Yeah? Interesting? Yeah yeah. And if they say it like
good or interesting, I have braces yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you
said it like Krilla Deville a little bit. Who's that? Sorry? Oh?
Is that from I don't follow that Disney Horseshit? Isn't that the girl
that has two colors? You don't follow the Disney horseshit? Is that what
you said? That's that's right? Oh? Do you mean the films that
kind of cemented Disney's legacy that they've gone on to ruin with your franchise that
nobody gives a shit a bit referred to Star Wars. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Accolytes pretty good. Uh huh, I bet it's interesting. One hundred
and one Dalmatians is not Lion King, but it's uh, it's you know,
it's an important film. Oh, I'm sure Elliott will check it out.
It's the right age four years old. Well, I mean it's a
little brutal, deranged old woman wants to slaughter over a hundred puppies. We
were watching Marvel or Miss marvels. Yeah, and we're ten minutes inch s.
I don't like this Ellie yeah, yeah, so it's too violent?
Yeah, who needs fucking Siskel and Ebert when you've got Ellie? You know?
All right? What happens next? We get that performance by the two
drunks masking as entertainers. M yeah, and then Kermit cuts her finger.
What a little cottage industry they've hatched, right, Just a couple of fucking
drunks that just do that for free in the street, and then they get
paid to go on a yacht with all the merriment going on. Asha does
sustain an injury and she keeps moving. She's a badass. The plates are
shattering everywhere, which is no choice for a barefoot vessel. But fuck it.
We kind of already poisoned the guests with jumbo shrimp. Now let's bleed
them. We get to the next day, next morning. Who's on first?
I thought you were into them. I thought you were into Oh that's
right. And if you want to hear the breakdown of how that really went
down, our interview with the Balkan biscuit will give you more in depth perspective.
Yeah, I don't even want to, you know, merit it really
any discussion. Actually, I think that I I think that you got to
listen. I think that the Balkan biscuit kind of clarifies what might have been
a bad at it. Might have been a bad at it. Yeah,
which you know that happens. It's the best of them, Doc boats guests
apart, and we get some feedback according to Gigi food was a hot was
hot and miss a hot mess. I mean, look at somebody like,
oh, Morosa, you know, so you said the best of them,
they can be taken down by bad at it. I mean, look at
somebody like, oh Morosa, yes, you know, clearly got a bad
at it. Clearly got a bad at it fourteen times. No, I
believe she's actually a horrible person. Yeah they Yeah, maybe what was she
like a health secretary or something. I think you want to hear. A
funny thing this is when I was watching politics, the phone call to her
to President Trump at the time, after learning she got fired. They patch
her through because oh so sorry here that you got fired. Who did that?
I don't even know it's the first of you. I'm horrible Trump.
We'll give you Any Trump you do is a fun Trump. Just do your
Trump. Anybody out there who wants to do it Trump, just do it
Trump. So the Yeah, the Balkan Biscuit and Nelly kind of just say
we're going to be best friends for life and we're not going to fight it.
So the guest depart I was a little high when I was watching this,
So can you take this? I'll wrap this up all right, So
we get a tip meeting. Now this was interesting because Sandy does her normal
critiques of each department. She said, the deck killed it, and it's
worth missing, mentioning that she the deck team also got two people almost killed
too, but she doesn't really care about that. She'll chat up about the
food lay it with Joe. Oh yeah, it wasn't so much of a
pun as it was. She just completely forgot that that dangerous thing happened.
Yeah, Yeah, you guys killed it. Yeah, and then Interior crushed
it. Twenty five k. Good on Gigi and all those other guests two
grand each. Ye worth it? All the bullshit for that. Then we
cut to Jono and Sandy I was confident can I really quickly say that Brie
and we learned that brion Ellie are staying together in the same room, I
believe. So that's why, you know what, I don't need to backtrack,
that's okay, sor right. Yeah, It's just it adds another component
to it, because who's going to ask who to leave when you take thing
two back to your bump well? And also what if no one asks anyone
to leave here? You go, oh god wow, I mean, could
we have our first sa rat threesome. We almost had one, I think
in the first season of Sailing, oh with Gary and that Ally and the
gosh gee, I wonder what's happening with that new season of Sailing. Mmm.
I don't think it's coming. Yeah, well, that's what happens when
you have red face, rat face pieces of shit assaulting women. You know,
you deprive everybody of great content. But you know that crew needed to
get shaken up. They were very self important. It's like we love the
sea Dog, we love Colin, we love Daisy, but it's like,
guys, you're not fucking all Richard Nixon, you know what I mean.
It's like, what the fuck? Well one of you can stay? Ah,
I only say Richard Nixon because when he was around, he was so
important. We don't need three of them, no, Jono and Sandy.
The food was salty chicken. That was I didn't I forgot. That was
his choice to make whatever he wanted that night. Yeah, Sandy says,
what's up with the cake and the chicken? And he says it was the
only protein that all of them could eat, which is like we mentioned one
of those accidental, you know, kind of cupboard openings, like, oh,
I'm a lazy piece of shit. That's why I'm not saying that he
is. Yes, no, no, no, I'm not saying that he's
a lazy piece of shit. But that was very very harsh language. But
but that is you just that's just atrophy. That's just I don't feel like
doing something that would It's almost like Jono, John, Oh, let's move
on, you know, let's just move on. He's he's he's a culinary
architect, and he's going to be gone. Next episode, thinks, all
right, we go for a night out and oh my gosh, can I
tell you really quickly the fact that he isn't fired. Sandy says, well,
you're not flipping out in the galley. That is a low bar,
the bar for being on one of these boats. I mean, Cheese doesn't
even know what a laundry machine is. It's insane. So we go out
for a night on the town. Thing one has a chest piece tattoo that's
going to be there for a while. That was cool to see. We
landed dinner, have some talk of espresso Martini's Joe. I wish I had
written it down. I forgot to write it down. He has some some
line that was like it was it was so bizarre. It was like a
Steve Carrell character trying to hit on a woman. It was. He is
a bit awkward. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I'm kind of shocked that
he is appearing to be the the Apex Predator this season. Well he's got
a wicked jaw line. Wicked jaw lineough. So Thing two and Ellie are
flirting kind of a bit, and Cheese is pissed off. Now the Balkan
Biscuit says, I've told her numerous times that I'm into him, and it's
a good idea not to hook up with the person that you're superior is interested
in. And when I when I heard that I said to myself, okay,
fascist, Like, what's up with you? Fascist? But listen to
the interview. It gets explained. So we hit the dance for Ellie is
going for Joe hard and Gail who loves her boyfriend and tells Cheese that,
you know, I think this is what therapists call projection. Gail, who
loves her boyfriend says, what was what was the name you gave her?
Genuine Gail? Genuine Gail goes, listen, we're stuck on a boat.
Sometimes she's got a fuck And that's advice that Gail is giving to Cheese.
She is not gassing herself up to make love to thing one who has an
eagle on his chest or something. Getting the iTunes range reviewsually five stars,
kind words. We love you guys so much, Thank you for listening.
Patreon dot com slash another podcast network for ad free episodes and additional content.
We will be doing the live Happy Hour this week. Go to Patreon dot
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we love you guys very much. I'mdling saying goodbye, pat Say goodbye.
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