Let just call you mommy through the whole show. No, you may not.
Hello, Welcome to Laura Kane out for Dark. Thank you so much
for tuning in, for watching, for listening, whatever you're doing. We
just really really appreciate it. Thank you. I'm Laura Kane. This is
Eric Grimmer. Hi, my bff of seventeen plus years. It's been a
beautiful marriage. Our producer is Brian over a year now, hopefully for many
years to come. Almost wait, let me look, yeah, what was
that August? No, it was like May month? Are we in?
Sometimes I forget what almost March? Dude? I think. Okay, Oh,
by the way, coming up on the show, when was the last
time you were yelled at as an adult? I was yelled at at a
parking lot on the weekend. And I'll tell you what I what happened.
And I have a story of why I'm blacklisted at the Oscars. It's a
doozy yes, So we'll talk about all of that coming up. And I
have a special Oh yeah, you have something for both of us, right,
I have something for everybody. Oh, so I'm excited about this.
The two is when I started, Oh my god, okay, we have
to have another kind of something like a party. Oh, well, we
need to do something different. I was informed. Even though I think all
everybody that listens to this podcast is part of my family, I feel our
family. Yeah, but somebody said, Laura, look, you probably shouldn't
open your house to people to come watch the podcast idea. Well me neither.
I mean because I'm a true I'm the most trusting person in the whole
white world, which is not a good thing. Yeah. So anyway,
we'll think of something, maybe we'll have something somewhere. We'll figure it out,
but we do need to celebrate that week that's two years. Thank you
for sticking with us, because it's not easier. Oh I agree. Who
do you want to pop out of your your cake? Me or Laura?
You? But only if you're naked? Oh perfect? Yeah done, And
you're making the face from the Laoyo cosmetic ad Get to make that same face.
Oh he's good at that. Yeah he has that nabor. Yeah he
has that nailed. Yeah. We all need to get him softly focused and
filter. Yes, I want the vasoline lighting. Yes, we'll cover you
in vascillaine purpose. Okay, first we need to give a major shout out
to the sponsors that help us put on this podcast every week. Thank you
so much to Capital Growth and La Joya Cosmetics. Jay keeps our bank account
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about La Joya Cosmetic Surgery Center. Go to glamfam dot com. Pic Sure
is just my favorite thing in the whole wide world in the La Joya Cosmetic
ad Eric because we now know that he was completely naked in that photo,
and you know that it wasn't taken to put on the ad. It was
like another photo that he's like, Oh, I looked good in this when
I sent it to whoever. No, no, no, no, I
took it just for the ad to before work. I think it wasn't sexual.
He just usually is naked. So yeah, that's the thing, which
is kind of worse. I kind of wish it was sex, true sexual
sexual. Okay, all right, So the question is to you guys,
when was the last time you were yelled at as an adult? Because it's
awkward and weird. I don't like being yelled at as an adult. No,
I don't like feeling like I'm a child. Do you mean yelled at
just as in raid voice, raised voices, or like talked down to like
you're in trouble. Because one doesn't bother me. I don't mind someone yelling
at me. I don't care. Okay, only if I feel culpable or
guilty. You know. Well here we go. Oh boy, So all
last week, I mean, I'm grateful. I had to fill in for
a lot of people. So I worked like split shifts all week, all
week, all week, and I was really run ragged and tired, and
I was coming off of my night shift. It sounds really bad, and
I had something in my hand and I had to run into a Walgreens real
quick to pick something up. So i'm I made the turn into the drive
and out of the corner of my eye I see some people walking toward the
driveway like they were about to cross, and I pulled in and I saw
them, and I meant to say, oh, I'm sorry, like this,
like I'm sorry, I didn't see you, but I had something in
my hand, so I went like this, so like I looked like I
want no no no, oh no no no no. Okay, So I
know I meant to do like this so that they knew I was I was
sorry. Instead I gave him the finger by accident, okay. So then
I parked the car. I didn't even realize what I had done, really,
and I had got a text, so I was on the phone and
then here's bam, bam bam on my window. God, are you serious.
I'm not kidding. And I look up and there's this big buff guy
with this woman behind him, and he goes, roll down the window.
Oh, don't do it. I never roll down the window outside that you
didn't roll that window down, did you? Little time? Not the whole
way okay, and he goes, you do realize the pedestrians have the right
of way. Oh my god, what an idiot. And I said,
and let me tell you something. Let me preface this by saying, this
guy wanted to go. He wanted to let me have it because he was
with his woman, and his woman was in front of him, and I
guess I might have almost hit her. I don't know. Well, it's
like about the facts that you almost try. Okay, So this is the
thing. So this is what I said. I said, you're totally right.
I understand what you're saying. When I was putting up my hands,
I meant to say I'm so sorry, but I had something in my hand,
so it may have looked like I was saying something else. You are
completely right. I should be more careful, I should slow down. Yes,
like I had to diffuse the bomb. I had to diffuse the bomb.
But I was in the wrong, and I felt I felt like such
a dumb But okay, So then he kind of just looks at me and
he wanted to go. He wanted to say more, but because I was
like, you're right, I'm so sorry, I am in the wrong,
all he had he just he turned and walked away with the woman. They
get into this like suv and then ran over them down and I sat in
the car because I was too afraid to get out, Like while they were
still in the parking lot. They stayed and they idled in the parking lot
in the car for like another three minutes. What I was sitting in the
car, they were sitting in the car. I'm like, I'm not kidding
it stopped. Was just pretending like I was on the phone, and I
was like looking over and then I started to get mad. Then I just
decided I'm going to give him a stare down. Oh my god, you
are going to act belligerent to the people. You almost take it. I
was like, well, they were like pean, I apologized, I admitted
my wrong doing, and I agree with you. So then why did they
have to idle the car? There were with like five different there were with
five people. There was a whole bunch of them, and they just sat
in the car. So I decided, I'm like, I'm gonna give them
a dirty look because right now I'm mad that they're sitting in there just waiting
for me to get out of the car. What she's probably like her car
when she gets Yeah, exactly, exactly. So I just like looked over
and I was just like I just stared at them like this, and then
I the windows were blacked out because it was like a fancy as she and
I can't tell if they were looking at me. But you know what you
should have done. Finally they drove away. You should have got out of
your car and dropped two knees and been like forget. They would have peeled
out of there so fast. You know. It's funny of the idea that
like, if let's say your pedestrian you're walking in, some crazy lady in
this big old geep almost hits you and then she stops, look at you
and shakes her finger like no, h I know that is so funny.
That would have pissed me off totally. I And then imagine you talked to
her and she's like I'm so sorry, and you're like, okay, whatever,
and you go back to your car and then you look over and she's
staring you down like you did something wrong. Why were they sitting in the
car waiting? Why were you sitting in the car waiting Because I didn't want
to get out with them still out there, because I didn't want to just
leave because I had to pick something up at the store. I hadn't gone
in yet. I needed to go into Walgreens. But I wasn't going to
get out of the car while that SUV was still idling. So I felt
really awkward and weird. I'm like, I don't like being illed at as
an adults. Well, people don't like right car. Well, I wasn't
you know what to be To be completely honest, let's get real, it
was kind of their fault. No, no, no, it wasn't their
fault at all. I was in the wrong. I should have watched,
but they weren't really even that close to the driveway when I was pulling in.
You know how people are dramatic, Sure, very much. Yeah,
but I know what I needed to do. I was at fault, Yes,
I was. You should have said that to him, She'd been like,
I wasn't even that close to hitting Oh no, because he was ready
to go. He wanted you should have said, what do you see more
roids? Oh my god, he was do enough coke? Jackass? Seriously,
you take your roids anally or you inject dumba. Oh my god,
have you been yelled at it? I'm sure well not, Oh my god,
do you have like an instance that sticks out to you that you were
like, Oh my god, I do what? So this was during COVID,
and are you talking about something recent or it's like when were you yelled
at as an adult? So this was during COVID, and I it was
so when restaurants opened up and you had to go and pick it, they'd
run it out to you. I had ordered some Mediterranean food and I had
gone over down the street to pick it up. I was coming back to
work and it was right in the middle of lunch and I was at a
red light and a huge pickup truck pulled up next to me. Now it's
only two lanes or three lanes, sorry, and the light turned green and
we all started to go and they just started to move over, and I
was in the far right lane and I was going to go up onto the
sidewalk, and so I slammed on my brake and honked the horn, and
the truck whips around me, slams on its brakes and just stops and mind
you, traffic's going around me. I can't go anywhere. Oh boy,
I'm just out of the middle of the intersection. So I'm still kind of
in the intersection, but I'm not, and I'm almost right up against the
curb because They've just pushed me over. And so I'm sitting in my car
and I'm like, go, like, so I honked my horn again.
I hate honking. I never honk my horn. And all of a sudden,
the windows go down. The driver extends his hand and the passenger extends
theirs, and they do this, Oh my god. And so I'm like,
oh yeah, so I lay on my horn and I'm all wrong thing
to do. Oh yes, especially during COVID. All of a sudden both
doors open, they both hop out, and mind you, it's one of
those pickup trucks that you would see in the South, like it had everything
on it but a Confederate flag. Like it was huge. The two guys
that get out are like, you're totally rooted out, face tattoos, full
sleeves, probably tiny dicks, probably totally just huge. They start walking towards
me, screaming it a be scared. I probably peede a little, Oh
my god. And I just remember thinking this is how I'm gonna go.
They're gonna just I lock my doors. I have the windows up, I
thought they're just gonna break the window with their forearm and just pull me out.
I'm gonna, you know, just shred a jug a vein being pulled
through the glass. All of a sudden, a cop pulls up, by
the grace of a cop pulls up and they the cop in the passenger seat
looks at me and he goes and I'm looking at both. I keep looking
back and forth, and these two guys just freeze, and the cop goes,
what's going on? And I'm all, these guys just cut me off.
And now they're like, I don't know what they're doing. So the
cops turn the light on and the guys jump back into the truck and take
off, and the cops take it right off after him. Oh but I
remember them just screaming at me, and I was like, oh boy,
here we go. Just don't honk your horn if you can avoid honking your
horn. I'm not a horn honker. Somebody I know like loves honking the
horn. I'm like, you know, just be tranquil about it, like,
just chill it. So they cut you off, Okay, nobody,
here's the thing. Sometimes you have to, Like in my case, I
had to because otherwise, Yeah, I was gonna wind up with like a
broken axle up on the sidewalk like, so I had to lay the horn.
I can count the amount of times I've honked my hole. I hate,
but sometimes you gotta do it. Brian, have you been yelled at
as an adult? Turn your camera on so we can see your I know,
No, I won't say this room in their mind. Are we gonna
edit this out? No? No, I lost my train thought for a
second. I don't remember too many times I being talked down to, like
like you're a child. Those are the times I would remember, And I
don't remember any I've been yelled. I've gotten into what I would call one
side of herbal altercations, or someone yells at me and I just don't respond.
Oh that probably makes me even more mad. Probably it's something like I
did you know I did it or anything. But I mean I don't really
get yelled at very often, so you kind of stay under the radar.
You're an under the radar kind of guy a little bit. So I'd like
to try this exercise. I don't retell you either like he does. Oh
oh yeah, I don't escalate, no he yeah, I de escalate.
I cause problems, but I do escalate. He doesn't cause problems, but
he escalates, and you are under the ring. Oh no, I just
get shit and taken care of. Except you didn't get shit taken care of.
A cop can pummeled. Oh probably he's It's like, no I took
care of that, you would have maybe been beaten up. Oh I wouldn't
be here right now. I'd be dead in traction. Okay, Oh for
sure. I would like to try this. Oh my god. I would
like to do a scenario where you I'm just a regular civilian minding my own
business and you cut me off, and I want to see how you handle
the situation. But I'm doing the one cutting off? Or are you cutting
me off? No, you are the one that is angering me. Or
what if you're a pedestrian and Laura almost runs India? Yeah, so you're
the pedestrian. Yes, okay, So here I am. Oh my god,
I just got to work. I just want to get home. I
just want to get home. I'm so tired. I have to go to
Walgreens. Crap. All right, I'm gonna just I'm gonna pull in here
real quick. You're walking, Yeah, to through the driveway right into the
parking spot. I got to check my phone real quick. The fuck is
wrong with you? You can't Why are you smiling? Stop it? Because
you smiled at me. We can't do this, Remember, I can't act.
I wanted to say, I want, I want to help you.
Okay, that's why I'm doing this exercise because we're launch and then you have
to bang on my window. Okay, so I'm looking at Yes, the
is wrong with you? I Jesus Christ almost hit me. I am really,
really sorry. I was trying it. I was trying to say I'm
sorry, but I had something in my hands what looked like I was saying,
no, please stop cussing at me. I'm trying to apologize. I
don't want your fucking apology. What I want is blood Jesus in the Walgreens
barking lot. Jesus, go back to your party or wherever you were going.
Jesus. Wow, that failed miserably horrible. Was going was a being
angry? No. My favorite part is when Eric goes, what the fucking
law goes, Yes, help you. I can't do anything right acting wise?
Can I you know what? I'm going to keep doing these auditions.
That's fine, and there's go to be one where you're going to be you
know what, Laura, Maybe that was actually good. I bet you're gonna
get that one. Maybe I'm gonna I'm gonna and that's when I won't give
you that piece of poo. I'll give you like a little gold plated child
we have, like a fake aust Oh yeah, I'll give you that.
Okay, Okay, Okay. Look, I'm gonna only gonna hate so hard
because I have cast terrible people and roles before because I was out of options.
But and you know, it's hard. Acting is hard. I totally
I get it. I've done it before. So I'm only gonna hate so
hard. But if you're asking for feedback, I'm going to be honest because
that's how you get better. Yes, I agree with that, but I'm
not sure I asked for any feedback. You literally brought it to your three
audition reels to us. I did, didn't I? Now, okay,
do we want to talk about the oscars first, which you'd like me to
do. Let's do your little whatever you're doing presenting us, and then I'll
tell you why I'm banned. Oh my god, this is the best thing
ever. Oh so, uh, this is going to be Uncle Eric's storybook
corner. Okay. I would like you too to choose between one of two
titles, and then the other title I will read at a separate time.
You have the option of listening to put Tony's Nuts in your Mouth or Susie
likes to look at Balls? Which one would you like to listen to?
I'm just the producer. I think you should I'm doing. I want to
go with the first one. Okay, put Tony's Nuts in your Mouth?
Yes, all right, okay. And these are children's books, or they're
supposed to look like children They're supposed to look like children's books exactly like not
for children, okay, okay, So I'm going to read it and then
show you the pictures. Okay. Uh. Tony has big nuts and small
nuts. See Tony with his nuts off. He has pecans and walnuts,
nuts without or with a shell. There is no nut that Tony does not
sell. I'm already liking his nut. Tony sells his nuts all day.
He always has a line. Okay. Some say Tony's nuts smell great,
some say they taste divine. Okay, they drive or walk or ride the
bus. They come from north and south to take those hot and salty nuts
and put them in their mouths. This reminds you of a Saturday Night Live
skit. Tony dips his chocolate nuts until they are just right. He knows
your mom will take them home and suck on them tonight. BJ looks at
Tony's nuts and tries hard not to stare as Stephen grabs at his nutsack and
finds a big old pair. Grandpa likes to go in there and take his
camera with him. He loves to look at photographs when Tony's nuts are in
them. You can buy this book on Amazon. By the way, oh,
I thought it was a Timoo thing. He swears it isn't weird and
says it's not a crime. Grandpa licks the salt right off of Tony's nuts.
Sometimes this is putting. This is like making me happy and sleepy.
The girls too, like Tony's nuts. Of this, there is no doubt
every girl around this town has put them in her mouth. On the way
to school today, riding on the bus, the Johnson twins were in the
back shared Tony's nuts back and forth. They open up hoping that they don't
get those big and tasty nuts stuck down in their throat. Even Missus Bulldyke,
the softball coach and her special friend will have a go at Tony's nuts
every now and then. Oh yeah, wait, I'm sorry. What was
her name? Uh, missus Bulldyke and she has a special friend who's a
female? Right? Yes, okay, aren't you looking at the pictures?
There really is no argument Mount Rushmore ought to be a monument of Tony's nuts
for all the world to see. Oh but I just realized what the bes
that didn't like occur to you as you're reading it, even when I doubled
down on it and said her special friend is a woman? Double down?
Oh my god pointed it out? Is that the end? Well, the
last ones. If you haven't done it yet, you really are missing out.
Grab a sack of Tony's nuts them in your mouth. Great the end?
That is like the classic Saturday Night Live skit about my what is it?
The yes and that iss gift to us? Yes? Yeah, did
you see that guy that hosted Saturday Night Live over the weekend? Yes,
he said something kind of funny in his monologue. He was like every little
boy mom like you're your best friend's mom, like you're your best you and
your mom are best friends. When you're like a real little boy, he
does remember when you were gay. Then he's like, and then when you
start when you know, when you stop becoming your mom's best friend. The
minute you start jacking off, you're like, what's that bitch gonna get out
of here? So I take care of business. I said it to Charlie.
I'm like, oh my god, what I thought? It was?
Funny? Lord? Okay, oh my god, boundaries, I have none.
You know he knows that. I mean, he's he's it's not a
shocker. True. Okay, So the Oscars done done? Don thun?
Are you gonna well, of course you're gonna watch. Of course I am,
even though you haven't seen all the movies. Oh, I applied for
a job that will pay you two thousand dollars to see all the movies and
comment on them. Right, there was no I think the deadlines. I
will, I will, oh, I will, I'll find it. But
I think, like the deadline's like March third, So I'll get it to
you like tonight. But I know because I would love to be able to
see all the movies, and they obviously they would send them to you or
send you to them, but so that those happen on Sunday the tenth.
Yeah, we're gonna be off next week because I'm going to New York City
to see Evan in a theater show she's starring in. I'm just so proud
of her. I My goal is to never miss one of Evan's performances,
no matter what it takes. Get going to New York. It was a
stretch, but I'm gonna be there, and I'm gonna see it every night
she plays. She does three shows, so I'm gonna see it every single
night anyway. So that's why we're not gonna be Are you gonna visit Canal
Street? Oh? Yeah, I'm gonna take the subway and I'm going to
Canal Street and I'm going to buy all the fake stuff I'm bringing. I'm
bringing an empty suitcase. What do you want? Oh, I'll FaceTime you.
I'll face like I did last time. Do you know about Canal Streets?
Oh my god, it's like heaven on Earth. Heaven on Earth for
those of us that love designer stuff. I can't afford it anyway. Okay,
So now for the longest time I want, and I probably am still
not allowed to talk about this, but I have and okay, and it
caused me to lose this opportunity. So from two thousand and twelve to twenty
seventeen, I went to every single Emmys and Oscars as a seat filler.
Wow, it was awesome. How could you possibly mess that up? At
one job? Well, you know, they do a background check. You
you wear like this big giant thing that's a seat filler with your face on
it. It's a huge LANs And then when this show, when they put
you in the seat that's empty, so when the lights come up, there's
no empty seats. That's what you're there for. You put the lanyard behind
you so on camera you can't see it. Right. They also have you
sign something very lengthy that you won't talk about. What it is to be
a seat filler. Yes, yeah, so one year the last year that
I did it, Hey, definitely the last year. I think, well,
this kind of wasn't my fault, but it sort of was. So
the lights go down, the commercials are on, we all wait in the
wings, the seat fillers, and like then it's your turn. And then
so the lights go up because the commercials are on, and then the seat
filler people are like, okay, you sit there. Okay, you sit
over there, and they tell you where to sit. Sometimes you sit there
for two seconds and the star comes back and you have to leave. Sometimes
you sit there and the show starts and you get to watch some of it.
Right, So this one lady goes, okay, sit there on the
aisle. I said, okay, Well, then dune lights go out.
I'm like, oh good, I get to see this part of the show.
So Neil Patrick Harris was hosting the Oscars that year, and it starts
with him in the aisle behind me. He's like in the aisle, but
he's behind me. He comes walking up to me on TV and he goes,
Hi. I'm like, hello, what's your name? This is like
not worldwide DV. I'm like Laura, and he goes, are you a
seat filler? And I'm like, oh my god, is this a trick
question? What am I supposed to say? Is this? Like? Is
this okay? I'm like, yes, like you said, you're everywhere.
He's like, well, nice to meet you. No, he didn't even
say He's just like nice to meet you, and it's still if you look
up Neil Patrick Harris, girl in red dress, seat filler. There's a
meme of me and him coming up to me saying, are you a seat
filler? This is on live? This is this. Yes, I was
watching at home. I thought I was in some alternate universe. Okay,
it's so weird. We're supposed to put our obviously, we're not supposed to
have our phones out. Well, I had my phone on silent, but
it was buzzing and the minute that happened, like like it was buzzing in
my like people were seeing it. I'm like, oh my god, so
trending on Twitter at the time. Girl in red dress, Girl in red
dress, Girl in red dress. So f Channel eight call me that next
day and they said, can we do a story? Local girl gets on
National TV? Like how cool? I'm like sure, that'd be great.
They came to my house, they did a full on interview, like the
reporter, the camera. They did a little thing on the news. Well
the academy saw it or got wind of it or whatever, and the powers
that be were like, oh hell no, because I talked about because they
asked me. They said, well, what does a seat Philler do well,
I mean, duh, what do you think is he philler does?
I mean how secretive is that really? To be honest with you, Like
I wasn't doing their hair and makeup. I was kind of just giving them
a little bit more detailed explanation of what our job was, and a really
good job at it. Apparently because I was saying some things I probably wasn't
supposed to say, which there are real no seat it's like what like Bradley
Cooper had a staying on his ass like well, I may have said like,
oh no, I didn't say this during during that interview, but there
were interviews, radio stations called me. I mean I was. I was
being interviewed all over the place, and so I did talk about some of
the celebrities that I was sitting next to, including Adele's husband at the time,
because I sat in Adele's seat because she was singing at the Oscars,
and I remember thinking, she married this guy. He's like kind of like
a looser, like he just kind of I didn't I don't think I said
this on TV, but I remember thinking, oh my god, but you
weren't supposed to take any you weren't supposed to have your phone out, or
you're not supposed to talk to the celebrities unless they talk to you. If
they say something to you, you obviously can say something back, but you
are not allowed to initiate any conversation that makes sense right well, and no
pictures. Oh boy, you did both those things. Oh my god,
talk to everybody. Oh my god, I can't. I couldn't help it.
So my first Oscars, Jack Nicholson was sitting in front of me,
and I'm like, holy, I have this picture too. I go,
oh my god, could you have his head? No, it's a selfie
of me and him. It's like the first selfie I think I've ever taken
in my life. It's me and Jack Nicholson. And he's like, huh
in the small fiat is he just having to do? Uh huh? And
then and then I just started thinking, hey, this is kind of fun.
So after the oscars are over all the celebrities kind of gather in the
front of the house because they're all talking to each other, you know,
because they all sort of know each other. They want to say hi.
So I would go up to a couple of them and say, oh,
hey, Bradley Cooper's like, cool, if we get a picture with you.
I wasn't supposed to do that. I was supposed to be professional.
But the show was over at that time. But during the telecast there were
times maybe when I took a picture with Kevin Spacey or oh that's awkward,
Oh my god. He oh that was when Ellen was giving she got the
pizza. He had the piece of pizza, and he gave me a piece
of pizza. And there you remember that selfie that Ellen took with all the
celebrities. I'm in the background of that selfie. Are you really yes,
I'll show it to you. It's pretty awesome. Yeah, I know the
selfie. Yeah, just look, I'm like in the background. But anyway,
so I blew it not only for me, but for the other people.
I'm not going to say who they are because that's not nice because I
don't want to out them. But I really blew it because all of us
were blacklisted. Okay, we all know who else was blacklisted. And I
felt really really bad about it. I really did, because I did.
I didn't mean to ruin it for them because it was a It was really
fine. We went every year we get to pick out a dress. It
was an all day thing. We had to be there at like ten o'clock
in the morning. We had to be in full dress, and then we
had a lunch, and then we had to wait in a theater, and
then we had to line up in the eves of the theater and then wait
for the show to start. And then some we'd go to the bathroom every
once in a while and we'd see the Kardashians or we'd see like celebrities like
going into pee, like I think I heard Jennifer Anderson peeing or something.
Because so the Academy said, no more Laura Kane. She's not allowed in
the Dolby Theater. But oh my god, I have some really great I
have one with Leonardo Dicaci. I have one with Jared Letto. I have
one with Bradley Cooper, one with John Travolta, the my friend has one
with Oprah. There's one with Jamie Foxx. The list goes on, the
Jack Nicholson one who's the act? You have one with oh, John Stamos,
and just through the like some of them were the Emmy's. Oh I
have one with better call Sault Dude, Bob Oden. I love him.
I saw him in the lobby and I'm like, can I get a picture
with you? And he was, now he didn't really love that? Who
he didn't really love that? Who was the one that, Oh my god,
I see you. I know right, I found it. You're looking
the wrong way too, You're like looking up, but I'm in it true.
Who was the one that lost the award and had a big fit?
What was it a year that I was there? Yeah, at the Oscars.
He showed up right before his awards. Oh oh, this is a
good one. So we were I don't know why. Oh, maybe we
had to use the restroom, or we were out because we had we were
in the back of the line now because our our turn had happened. So
we were kind of out in the lobby and Michael Keaton had just lost Best
Actor for I forgot what the movie was, Birdman or something Birdman. And
I saw him take out his speech, crumple it up, it, throw
it in the trash and he storms off. He left the award show and
he threw away his speech and I saw him do it, and You're like,
Michael, oh god, no, I'm surprised you did. I didn't
I'm surprised you didn't dumpster dive into that trash can to get dude. I
would have snatched me too. I would have rifled through. I know I
should have done that. Yeah, honestly, I think seat fillers are kind
of weird anyways, though, well, I mean I understand the purpose to
make it look like this the because a lot of the celebrities they want to
get like an an alcoholic drink or something, or they're at the bar and
then they missed lights out or whatever, and so when the lights come up,
you don't want to see empty spots. I don't think it matters that
much. I guess it does. It makes it feel fake too, you
know, because I mean the oscars are kind of fake. You know,
it's becoming that way. I guess people are starting, well, it's becoming
very political because I know several years later, I was doing something and it
was the thing was you were put into a lottery for seat fillers and stuff
like that, because now they were giving the spots to family members, friends
of celebrities and stuff like that. So it looked like the tide had shifted
kind of after well, you know what I did last year, A guy
Okay, I thought this was totally I thought I was being scammed. I
got a d M from a dude from Germany and he said we talked about
remember yeah, And it turned out to be real. This was last year,
Yeah, when I had my concussion and I did a full on.
I mean I was there. They were filming me in front of the Dolby
Theater looking inside. They looked at all my pictures, I talked about everything.
They had me walking down the street with all the stars on it,
you know, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and it was awesome. I
never saw it because it was on German TV, but I thought, okay,
well, I can't get in too much trouble. It's in Germany.
It's not going to be playing here. But I paid a thousand bucks.
That was pretty fun. Why not? Why not? I by at this
point like I'm already blacklisted. I'm never going to go again. How'd you
get the role or how'd you get on as? I can't say. I'm
sure you pulled a connection, right, I cannot say, but well,
I mean, duh, obviously I had somebody. You only got a seat
filler? Well what oh? This is what really got high enough up.
I forgot that. This one thing got me in the biggest trouble of all
you Like, I stood up in bude the oscar. So I was put
in a seat that was kind of far back. Fine, the show starts.
This lady sitting next to me is clearly loaded. She's drunk, pretty
drunk, and she's holding an Oscar. She had just won an Oscar for
like a documentary film or something. Can I have that? And she's like
sure, no, she said to me. She goes hi, I'm like
hi, I go congratulations. She goes, wait, did you like to
hold it? I'm like yes, And so I held the oscar. It
was really heavy, It's very very heavy, And I go, would you
take a picture of me with this oscar? Because that would just be the
most amazing thing. She goes, sure, So what do I do?
I posted it? Oh, we see that picture? Oh I have it.
It was It could be a like like a weird comedy about someone who
just like just runs rampant around the oscars as a seat filler. Oh my
god, it could. Beady would hate it, but it would be so
funny. They're very serious. They are very serious. They do not they
are no they do not joke around. You can see Amory Schumer doing that
role. Oh yeah, that's the only thing about me. I could do
that role. Yeah, but you're not that funny, so I would make
it more funny. What's funny is it's not that you're funny in it.
It's it's the fact that you disregarded all of their rules. No, but
it's funny because you did the most insane, like awesome stuff though it really
I mean, was it worth it for me? Probably yes, But for
the friends that I did it with, I still to this date feel very
very bad about it because they got punished too, and it's because of me,
so that I feel very sad about. But what can I do now?
Nothing? Well, you know, I don't think it's just the Oscars,
because I've done a lot of those shows, you know, stuffing and
all that stuff. And I remember I forget who it was. Was it
Sharon Stone? I was, Oh, I have a picture with her too,
Yeah? Oh at the Emmys. So people say I look like Busy
Phillips. You know who that? Oh God, I love this story so
much, so I see her and the group Michelle Williams. Michelle Williams because
they're buddies. Yeah, they're like best friends. I see them after the
show waiting for their limo, and I'm like, oh, I have to
go up to her and say hi, and that that people always say that.
I look like, yeah, I'm sure she appreciated that. The reaction,
Brian, she go, I go, Hi, I go my name
is Laura, and I just want to say that. Oh my gosh.
People all the time tell me how much I resemble you. And she looked
at me, and she looks me kind of like up and down. She
goes, oh, and that didn't say anything else exactly. I mean pretty
much I have. She's not the friendliest person. Really, this is my
first time. So I was not surprised at all when you told me that
story. I was like, Wow, that was the biggest dis ever.
Did you ever see that talk show she did once? Oh it was so
painful. It was probably the worst thing I've ever seen. What is she
doing now? Probably nothing? Oh my god. But anyway, so that
is my story, and you know, maybe one of these days I'll be
invited back because of one of the fabulous auditions that I turn in will turn
into something incredible. You can put money on it. I'll be your date
for the Oscars or the People's Choice Awards. Yes, you will. You
want to best Actress, get to get un blacklisted for her? Well?
Wait, what did you say, Brian? I said, you want to
put money on it? How much? Everything I'll ever have? Oh God,
she's gonna She's going to really hone her acting down. I'm going to
get some big I'm going to get a film. I'm gonna Oscars. We're
talking about you being nominated for an Oscar. I know, like I said,
everything I'll ever have, everything I'll ever make for the rest of my
life. That's what he's gonna bet real quick. Though. Since the Oscars
are next week, I think it'd be interesting to make our predictions on who's
gonna win Oppenheimer hold Up all Right for Leading Role. Nominees are Bradley Cooper
for Maestro, Coleman Domingo for Rustin, Paul Giamatti for The Holdovers. I
saw that he was great. He was great, Cilia Murphy for Oppenheimer or
Jeffrey Right for American Fiction. Okay, have I think it's going to be
between Cillian Murphy and Paul Giamatti. Me too, But I haven't seen the
Jeffrey Rights up in there. I haven't seen American fiction yet. It would
be a political choice. Is it a good movie? I actually haven't watched
it, but I know it's about If it wins, you'll probably be a
political choice because I think, yeah, okay, Celia Murphy was good.
I don't know if he was Oscar good. And then for the females,
let's see into actress lean role Annette Benning for what Okay, that's on Netflix
or something. Yeah, Lily Gladstone and Killers of the Flowers. He's going
to win. I see that something. It's on HBO Max. I've started
watching it, but it's very long. But she is excellent. And here's
why I think she will win because she's American Indian. It'll be a political
choice because they are. I love the fact that the Academy. God watch,
I'm gonna get a hit put on me by the Academy for Yes,
they are very political now, you know, because they got the whole Remember
a few years ago, they were you know, it's just a bunch of
old white guys exactly, and so they you know, I forget who was
nominated, but they were African American and they were. They made it like
such a big deal. Oh look we no, wasn't it Will Smith because
I didn't he slap this was This was several years before. But they made
such a huge fuss and everybody was like, are you kidding me? Come
on, a way to do it. There's there's always obvious, like I
mean, not to get too political, there's obviously nowadays at least one diversity
ouscar gets thrown in. But she, Lily Gladstone is excellent, That's why
I've heard. Yeah, she's very and then Sandra Hueler in Anatomy of a
Fall, Carrie Mulligan and Maestro and Emma Stone and poor things. I never
saw Maestro. I don't know if it's good. I've heard the performances are
good. I have heard it's good too. Yeah. I started watching it
and I just couldn't deal. Yeah. You know who will win for Best
Supporting I can guarantee it right now is the actress that plays the cook in
The Holdovers. She has won, Devien Joy Randolph. Yes, she has
won. She just won the Sack Award. She's good. Oh she was
so good. She was You know what Paul Giamatti is gonna get it.
Maybe maybe he really might get it. Have you ever won one? No,
it was a very very good movie. That was so good. I
really enjoyed it. Real quick. Actor in supporting role. We got Sterling
K. Brown from American Fiction, Robert de Niro and Killers of the Flower
Moon, Robert Downey Junior in Oppenheimer, Ryan Gosling and Barbie and Mark Ruffalo
in Poor Things. I think it's gonna be Robert Downey Jr. I kind
of hope it's Ryan Gosling. Just Robert down though has won the Golden Globe,
which is usually the prequel prequel to who's going to win the Oscar?
What's the movie he's in? Oppenheimer. He's great in it, and if
it's not him, it will probably be Ryan Gosling. Okay, well,
if Barbie doesn't win anything else, then it will be this one, and
then we have the movies are Oppenheimer, I haven't had it somewhere anyway,
Oppenheimer, Barbie, you look, wait real quick before we get there.
Let's do actress as a supporting role. Okay, Emily Blunt and Oppenheimer,
which actually thinks she should. She was really good, fantastic. Yeah,
she's actor Danielle Brooks in The Color Purple America, Ferrara and Barbie. I
desperately hope she does not win. She was not. I mean, she
wasn't bad in Ferrari or Ferrari. She wasn't bad in Barbie, but she
did not give an Oscar worthy performance. In fact, you know, it
was really good in a Penelope Cruise. Barbie in Ferrari. Oh she was.
Oh that just came out. Yeah. But then Jodie Foster and Niad
and Devine Joy ran off in The Holdovers. I love Jodie Foster. I
think should be Emily hands down. Yeah, she was. She played and
she's very gracious, She's got a very nice uly. Tough, it was
tough, but she was so good and she played it like it was just
so natural. Yeah. Best director will definitely be Christopher Nolan Oppenheimer. Yeah,
all right, so best pictures are American fiction. I didn't even fall
Barbie. I thought Barbie did. Okay, Oh that did, yeah,
Barbie. The Holdover Killers of the Flower Moon Maestro Oppenheimer past Lives Poor Things
in the zone of interest. Oppenheimer, I think it will because it got
the most Dominie it'll be that Barbie. I leaned up at the SAG Awards,
the director movie Barbie. That's right, that's the big scandal. Yeah,
honestly though, I mean it was a good it was a fine movie.
It wasn't the best directed movie I'd ever seen that. I wasn't the
standout of it. No. I think they made such a big deal about
it because for a female director, she made the most money out of and
it was a female like, you know, power movie production design will Barbie
will crush. Barbie will absolutely win the hell out of Oscar for production McKinnon
get anything for her. I don't think so. She had such a small
role I love her well, it should have been her over American Ferrarahs.
I agree, because I don't. I mean, American fre wasn't bad.
She just didn't have like she wasn't It was kind of memorable. But you
know what she did. She had that one scene like Judy Dench had in
where she won the Oscar fort and she was in it for like two minutes.
Oh she gives like the little speech. She gives the little speech,
great speech, right, but it was enough to get her out of that
pigeon holed like ugly Betty thing that she was a more versatile actress, and
that's what they You know what movie I just thought about, which is totally
messed up is Reem. I just watched them. I love that movie.
Great. Did she win for that? Who the main actress? Ellen Person?
Yes, Reckraem for a Dream? Ellen Burston is the main right where
she's the one that shared well Jared loves the main talk about the old lady
is mom? Yes? Her, Yes, from The Exorcist. That's right.
I didn't know she wanted I she is one of Ellen Burston and just
Calling are my two favorite actresses King Kong. When that came out, I
was little kid, and it was so cool. I would watch Ellen Burston
read the phone Book like I absolutely love her and she was so that was
the most one of the most disturbing movies I've ever seen. Oh, totally
for a Dream. Yeah, if you've watched the director's cut, yeah,
it's worse. Oh so in the version that you watched, you know when
it gets close to the end and Jennifer Conley, she's looking to score money
for drugs and she meets up with that friend of hers and they go to
that guy's house, she becomes a prostitute. Yeah, she basically becomes a
prostitute. Did you watch the version where everything happens? Oh, I'm gonna
have to watch it because the director's cut. It was so uncomfortable. Actually,
why do I want to see that? I can't unsee it. I'll
tell you after the show what happens? Okay, Okay, I was like,
what Darren Aronofsky's a great filmmaker. He's a great Okay, some movies.
So the Oscars are on on March tenth, Sunday, four o'clock.
We're going to be off next week, but we'll be playing best as because
I'm going to be in New York City baby seeing my future Oscar winner acting
chops, going no, my future Oscar winner, Evan Elizabeth in her little
show for her school. It's going to be awesome. She's going to be
amazing. And so we'll be back on Monday to talk about the Oscars.
Who or what, Who looked good, who didn't? Who made a good
speech? Da da da da, And I will have some reports when I
get back. I'll be talking about Oscar fashion. Yes, I am going
to the opening of MJ the musical Michael Jack. Yeah, next week.
So it's been very very theater. I'm excited for the biopic about what's coming
out? Yeah, tears, So I'll have news about that. I heard
it's just fantastic. So and I am going to see Christina Aguilera. I
have my when in May. Okay, well that's not that the week that
we're going. No, no, I'm just letting you know that my song
stress has rescheduled, rescheduled for dates, and I'm happy for you. You,
thank you. That's an upcoming show in May or no June. Probably
are you interested in seeing Jennifer Lopez with me? Yeah? Possibly, it's
not till June or July where Vegas. Yes, I'd rather seem a dont
with you. Oh well, that's smart that you're not going to be here.
What it's it's this coming week, March tenth, I'll be here.
That's the Oscar Night. March tenth is Oscar night. Oh wait, then
maybe it's the seventh. That's my sober birthday. Oh gosh, maybe we
need to go. Then you need to take no, I'm still in New
York. Anyway, this is we'll cut this all out. We won't.
But this is such a conversation. Okay, you guys, thank you so
much for watching. We love you, Thank you. We'll be back.
We canna be back with their guns blazing about the oscars and stuff, and
I'll tell you all about New York City and and what adventures I get into
there, because there's gonna be something, oh for sure. I love you
for watching and listening and love your podcast. I love you. See now,
this is what I'm talking about, right, This is where you have
to be the producer and say, Eric, hey, you're stating next to
him, No, put on your mom pants and mom him. Come on,
let me put on your best all right, here are my countless time
I can go Eric, I'll do nothing, or I can just push the
end button. God, we've never ended it without him saying, Okay,
Son, you love your podcast. Say it with say it. Say it
like you're not mad at me. I'm sorry. I'm gonna say it like
Chelsea on Love is Blind, Love me your podcam, I love your podcast.
Love you, my sweet babies. Bye? Does see you Eaven Yes,