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This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're
listening to k I AM six forty,

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the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty.

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You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh

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Show producer Kayla. How are you
this week? I am wonderful. How

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are you good, Raoul? How
you doing excellent? Did you work all

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weekend? All weekend? Oh?
Oh yeah, there's a lot of news.

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I heard a lot. Michael Krocher, welcome back. Haven't seen you

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in ages. Thank you so much. It's been a minute. Ere yeah,

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and it's been a busy day,
busy couple days, I see.

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So I just want to be the
one who's in the middle. If you're

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new to my show. By the
way, I have a PhD in clinical

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psychology. I'm not a therapist.
I'm a psychology professor. I've written three

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books on relationships, done a dissertation
on attachment theory, and in the last

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few years have been very worried about
the polarization of America. I have been

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very concerned because here's the thing.
When you go to your grocery store,

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when you go to the gas station. When you go to the gym,

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did you know you walk among the
other team and you get along, don't

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you? You get along just fine. In fact, you go to dinner

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parties with the other team. But
for some reason, all it takes is

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one person to say something that sounds
like it's on the other side of the

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political aisle from you, and you
start to dislike them. For years,

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when I watched, for instance,
people fighting on my comment streams on Facebook,

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I would say something silly like,
if you guys are fighting, Russia's

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winning, hah. But now I
understand what's been happening with social media,

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international infiltation and the bots. They
want us hating each other. And I

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want us to come together over this
tragedy. An American life was lost a

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firefighter protecting his family. Two other
people were injured, three if you include

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former President Trump, who was the
target of this assassination. And I want

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everyone to please stop talking about whether
it was this or that or how did

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it. This is not acceptable in
this country. We need to have intelligent

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discourse. We need to understand that
we are all far more alike than not,

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and the best way to have conflict
is to take your emotions, funnel

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them through your prefrontal cortex, turn
them into something verbal, rational, a

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narrative logical. Whether you're having interpersonal
problems with your lover or your mother or

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your boss, it is up to
you to not be triggered. It's up

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to you to take the higher road
and try to understand. I want us

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all to practice this second this sentence. Help me understand why you have this

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opinion. You know, I was
actually out at a dinner party this week

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and they were talking about music and
art, and somehow the conversation turned a

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little bit into politics. And when
it became clear after two sentences that one

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person at the table had a different
political view than the other five people,

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we switched it back to music.
But why do we have to do that?

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Why couldn't we have turned and said, oh, help us understand why

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you have this opinion. I want
to know you better, I want to

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know about your experience. I have
said many times in the last few years

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that the arguments we have in America
are less about right and left, blue

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and red. They are more about
rural and urban. And if you know

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me, you know that I own
a farm in an urban area, and

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I also a farm in a rural
area, and I also live in an

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urban area. In one home I
drive a pickup truck, and another home,

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I drive a tesla. And I
hear the language in the social events

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and in the grocery stores in both
places. And I will tell you this

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that the needs of people who live
in rural areas are very different than the

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needs of people who live in urban
areas. You might be listening to me

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right now on a ranch somewhere,
and you know what I'm saying. You

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might be listening to me in Trader
Joe's or Whole Foods and drive into there,

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hopefully not airone. No, I'm
sorry, this is expensive, okay,

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guys, And you might be thinking, what could they need different?

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They don't need their guns? Oh
yeah, have you ever had a bear

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show up on your ranch? Honestly, act, this stuff happens to lots

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of people in America. So without
debating all the policies, whether it's gun

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control, abortion or whatever, I
don't even want to get into debating the

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policies. I just want to say, we need to understand each other more.

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We need to stop and love each
other more. I talk about love

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for a good reason. Because it
is the thing that brings us happiness,

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joy, security and meaning in our
lives. It is more important than anything,

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and it's most important that we learn
to love each other right now,

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especially those who think differently than us. Speaking of somebody who preached love,

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I was very sad to learn that
this week one of my heroes, doctor

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Ruth Westheimer, passed away at the
age of nineteen ninety six. Did you

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know When she started on New York
radio, they gave her a Sunday night

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show to talk about sex, and
near the end of her career, she

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used to get mad when people would
say that she was a sex therapist,

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because I'm not a sex therapist.
I'm a therapist and I just want to

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talk about relationships. So when people
say I talk about sex a lot,

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I always say never unless it's in
the context of a relationship. She was

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much more about the plumbing and knew
far more about the plumbing than I did.

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But I know about the psychological pieces
that lead to the league in the

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plumbing if there were I don't know
about this metaphor. It's not going anywhere.

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I want to say something about doctor
Ruth that I learned this week as

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I was reading some of her biographies. One is, did you know she's

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a survivor of the Holocaust. She
was only ten years old and in Germany

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they were sending it was called the
Kindertransport, they were sending young children to

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safer countries, and they sent her
to Switzerland to a school, a boarding

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school, at the age of ten. She never saw any of her family

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members ever again. They all reportedly
died in Auschwitz. She eventually went to

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Paris, studied the soborn, married
a French guy, and then she went

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to Israel. She lived there and
anyway, she ended up in New York

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and met the love of her life, mister Westeimer, and had a very

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long marriage, two children. She
became a US citizen, and her advice

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was so beautiful, partly because it
was delivered in the voice with a strong

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German accent, who sounded like a
grandmother. And most of us can at

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of a certain age, can remember
the first time we heard doctor Ruth on

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the radio, and I was,
you know, so I should tell you

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that. When I started this job
ten years ago at KFI, our program

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director Robin Bertoluchi sat me down.
She's brilliant, and she said, okay,

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here's the thing. You can talk
about anything, but you better use

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anatomically correct language. And I was
just using a metaphor, wasn't it,

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Kaylin? Am I going to get
fired for plumbing? Oh we'll see if

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we have a meeting. Okay,
we have a meeting on Monday. Yeah,

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about the plumbing out of four uh
so? But doctor Ruth did that,

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and then some right she talked about
things that would curl your hair.

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I mean, Kayla, honestly,
I don't even think I could say them

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on the radio. Right now,
you make me want to do a deep

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dive Old Ruth segments from New York
long before. I'm trying to think what

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is anatomical correct? No, I
just don't know what for a sexual intercourse?

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No rimming like eating? Oh see
can eat? Okay, it would

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be oral sex. I think we
should just check. I'm so sad.

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I don't know. Anyway, she
talked about that before anybody did. Wrap

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it up, wrap it up.
This is dangerous for going into dangerous or

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the scs on the boat. Oh
my goodness, with a perfect gem in

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grandmother advice. You gotta hear her. She's amazing. Is it like tips

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and tricks or how to do it
right, yes, and how to do

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it safely all right. She was
pro pro sexual health programming. She was

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yeah, everything, she was amazing. When I got out here in nineteen

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eighty eight from the East Coast,
and I was in my I lived my

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car for about five months, and
so I had on the radio all the

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time, and I discovered KFI back
in nineteen eighty eight, and she was

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she had a show that was on
here on KFI from New York. Oh,

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that's right, she told me in
that interview that she started on KFI.

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Yeah. And when I first started
here, we used to have carts

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all around the room that had doctor
Ruth's name on the cards for the intros

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and outros, and it was just
the coolest thing to connect the two.

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She was such a pioneer, such
a pioneer, and such a sad loss

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to us. Anyway, I'm glad
she blazed the trail for people like me

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and many other people. And we
have moved past just sex. Now we

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talk about sex in context of relationships. And on that note, when we

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come back, let's talk about your
marriage and how secure it is. Well.

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According to research, there are two
ways to tell if you have a

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cure marriage. I'll explain when we
come back. You are listening to the

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Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM
six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio

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app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy
Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty

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AFI Am six forty. You have
Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. Well,

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you can have one without the other. You can have love without marriage.

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You can have marriage without love.
Sadly, but you know what, before

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I say this, I just want
to say that, you know it's absolutely

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okay for your marriage to mature into
something called mature companion. At love,

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there's less lust, there may be
less affection, but there's respect and there's

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a feeling like you've accomplished a lifetime
together. You know, when I was

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a kid, I used to spend
my summers, many summers going to say

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on my grandparents farm on Prince Edward
Island, Canada, and my parents were

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probably happy for the break. Drop
us off at the farm, come back

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a few weeks later, and whenever
we went there as a family, my

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grandparents slept in one bedroom of this
four bedroom farmhouse, but whenever the kids

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were there alone my grandma had her
own bedroom. She never slept in there,

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And I thought, it's this a
secret I'm supposed to keep. Am

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I not supposed to tell my mom
and dad grandma and grandpa don't sleep together?

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Like I had never heard of such
a thing. Of course, I

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was eight, ten, twelve,
fourteen years old. They had mature companion

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at love. They raised eight children, They ran a farm together. The

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bed wasn't big enough for two old
people anyway, right, It's okay.

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Nobody was divorcing. They weren't worried
about being in a French maid's costume and

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swinging from chandeliers. Come on,
it's okay for a relationship to mature into

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a beautiful companionship. They weren't fighting, they weren't disrespectful to each other.

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They had just moved into their own
rooms, had their own division of labor,

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if you will, in the household. So you probably know that in

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just a few weeks, I'm so
nervous I am getting married. If you

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have not seen my wedding proposal,
my marriage proposal to my fiance Julio,

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it is Where is it? It's
on my YouTube, Yeah, it's on

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my YouTube channel. In fact,
I think if you just google the words

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doctor Wendy Welsh proposes to boyfriend,
it comes up everyone. It's all kinds

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of people. That right, you
can see the whole story. But I

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have been thinking more and more about
how to have a secure marriage. In

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fact, on the way here today, I said to Julio, are you

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still sure you want to marry me? I'd be what if I turn out

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to be a crazy person? Now
we've been together four months? Four months

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for okay, I'm going to rename
myself Wendy Biden because I've been miss speaking.

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Well, you've been doing a lot
of wedding planning and a lot of

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physical labor, so it's going to
have an effect on your cognitive I think

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you're not seen now like him.
Just yet, I feel like I'm getting

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there. Didn't I say that doctor
Ruth lived ninety six years? She lived,

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she lived ninety six years, not
nineteen ninety six years. She lived

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ninety six years. Four more years. She would have hid a century.

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So I said to him, what
if I turn out to be crazy?

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And he said, I think I
would have known by now we've been together

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four years. So I don't know
about him, But who knows? What

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could happen the day after the wedding
anyway. So I've been reading a lot

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about secure marriages, and particularly I
like studies from academic journals, as you

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know, not just websites with blogs. And here's a new study published in

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a journal called Personal Relationships, and
it examined the factors protecting couples from marital

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strain. Okay, marital strain happens
to everybody at some point. It's a

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kind of distress conflict that comes from
all kinds of things, like interpersonal differences

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that means just arguments, right,
because you're different, financial, press,

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sexual what do you call it?
When one a low desire, high desire

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or whatever, balancing caregiver roles,
or dealing with all the extended family,

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the mother in law issues right,
or any major life transitions including menopause,

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including childbirth, including god forbid,
if somebody gets sick and there's a health

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issue. Right. So this research
found that there are two protective factors that

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can actually safeguard you against marital strain. And what these factors do is they

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create what I like to call resilience
heartiness, emotional resilience that creates a deeper

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bond between the partners. All right, let's talk about what they are.

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Number One, If you do this, you have a secure marriage. You

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prioritize emotional intimacy in spite of the
challenges. So let's talk about emotional intimacy.

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The research has shown, at the
end of the day, no matter

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how much money you have, no
matter where your health is like, no

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matter whatever, emotional intimacy is the
glue that keeps people faithful and connected.

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And that's that real sense of closeness, deep closeness where you really feel connected

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with your partner. Emotional intimacy involves
a whole lot of trust. You literally

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trust your partner, but you also
understand your partner, and you also share

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everything you know. People say,
oh, isn't it okay to lie to

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your spouse about some things, Well, then you don't have emotional intimacy.

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Emotional intimacy is being completely honest all
the time, even with the prickly subjects,

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telling them everything. It doesn't mean
criticizing them, but telling them your

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response to their behavior. Perhaps,
so, when you've got emotional intimacy,

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it means that both partners are willing
to be vulnerable with each other, I

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mean share their deepest thoughts, their
emotions, their fears, their dreams.

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But here's the caveat. They're willing
to do this because they know they're not

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going to be just they're not going
to be laughed at. So that's prioritizing

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emotional intimacy. This creates resilience in
a relationship. All right. Here's another

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one. The other one you are
generous with your empathy. Empathy is the

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ability to recognize and understand and be
sensitive to all the emotional states of other

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people. Now, I know some
people have to learn empathy. Some people

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are born with a natural amount of
empathy. Some people too much actually,

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because you have to have boundaries otherwise
you become a doormat if you're like,

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oh, they need that, and
they need this, and they need that,

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and what do you need? All
right? So empathy is about seeing

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the feelings in others, showing that
you understand and you see them, and

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empathy can be learned. You know, there was this one research study I

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saw one time, and it was
about teenagers and juvenile detention. You know,

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teenagers who have been involved with the
criminal just system. Often they become

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hardened. Right, they're not even
aware of their own feelings. Let alone

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having empathy to other people. So
I think this was a Canadian study.

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I remember reading. What they did
is they took these teenagers, these hardened

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criminal juvies, and they put them
in preschools with little two year olds who

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were mostly preverbal, and they asked
them to just watch the kids and identify

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what they were feeling. Now,
they were given emotional language ahead of time,

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a little lesson, so they had
a whole bunch of vocabulary they could

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use. And all they were asked
is what do you think that kid is

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experiencing? And they literally were teaching
empathy to kids who had never learned empathy.

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And guess what, you can do
it yourself. You can learn to

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recognize feelings and others. You can
download from the internet a whole list of

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emotional vocabulary and you can start to
well, it starts actually by recognizing the

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feelings in yourself and then trying hard
to read the faces of others. You

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see, when partners have stress,
if you can show empathy to your partner,

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then that tells your partner that they're
being understood and they're cared for,

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and that alone reduces the stress.
So when we come back, have you

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ever had that feeling you meet somebody
and you just click. Maybe you call

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it chemistry. Actually scientists call it
a positive limbic response. Let's talk about

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this when we come back, because
we don't have it with everybody, and

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sometimes it's completely opposite. You are
listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on

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00:18:33.960 --> 00:18:38.720
KFI AM six forty. We live
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening

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00:18:38.759 --> 00:18:45.640
to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from
KFI AM six forty. KAFI Am six

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forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh
with you. This is the Doctor Wendy

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Walsh Show. So my darling,
Julio was away with his family for the

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last week. He went to his
son's college graduation in Scotland. His mom

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was there, everybody was there,
and it was our longest separation in the

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four years we've been together. Twelve
nights. I was up at my farm

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most sleep, but I noticed something. I had trouble getting to sleep.

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I had trouble staying asleep. I
had trouble sleeping in and I started to

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think about it and I was like, oh my goodness, twelve nights we've

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been separated and I haven't slept more
than six hours consecutively and some nights just

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five hours. And I was like, that is just weird because I used

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to sleep like I love my beauty
sleep, I love my nine hours.

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Maybe that's the problem why I'm losing
my beauty, Kilin, Maybe just not

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getting the sleep you are not if
you think you're losing your beauty, I'm

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going to digress and change the subject, because what since I went there?

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Okay, so up, you know, heading into my wedding, I have

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girlfriends actually saying to me, so, you need to get some botox before

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your wedding. I'm like, have
we normalized this plastic surgery life so much?

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So? I had this other conversation
with a girlfriend this week who said

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that her friends are pressuring her to
get a full on facelift and they will

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take her there and they know the
best doctors and they'll nurse her after.

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And I said to her, whatever
happened to aging gracefully? Whatever happened to

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like? I said to her,
you know what, I was really hot

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for decades and I've done that.
I have done that doesn't interest me really

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hot? Do you know you sent
me pictures of you bad? Ten out

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of ten? But I literally feel
like I've done that. I don't need

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to be that. I do love
that my mind and my voice are still

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being utilized in the world, and
that is important to me. But this

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whole reliance on physical beauty, in
fact, it used to bother me when

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people would compliment me on my looks, because I think that's not me.

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I didn't do anything. I was
just born that way, Like that's you

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don't really know me then. And
so anyway, ladies, I am not

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getting any botox before the wedding.
As another girlfriend said, it doesn't matter.

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You can touch up all the pictures
anyway. I'm like, oh really,

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so it's about filters and plastic surgery. Okay, back to me not

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sleeping for twelve nights. So Julio
comes back. We hug each other immediately

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at the airport, and I feel
something in my body like not arousal.

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My whole body starts to relax,
like just relax. Caleb, why are

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you laughing? Did you think I
was feeling that? My mind did go

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there? Said it. If I
was twenty five, it would have been

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not now, Okay, I just
felt this deep sense of relaxation, right,

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and that night I slept like eight
and a half hours, just solid,

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right. And I've always said,
like, I have these friends in

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Toronto who have a company. You
should check it out called instant Chemistry dot

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com. And it's a cheek swab
saliv attest. You spit in a tube,

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you mail it to them and they
could tell if you will have genetic

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compatibility in a relationship. And I
always say to Julio, we need to

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do this instant Chemistry because we're gonna
get the highest score they've ever seen.

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And he said no, because what
if we don't. I just don't want

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to know. And I'm like,
but we do, we know? Uh

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So, anyway, do you ever
feel sometimes there are people out there that

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you just click with and sometimes you
call it a chemistry. Maybe you feel

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like you're just on the same wavelength
with somebody you meet, You feel in

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sync vibing. Well, researchers would
say that's because you have a positive limbic

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response. Okay, let me break
it down for you. Our limbic systems

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our brain system. It's composed of
four parts of our brain. The amygdala.

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Now, the amygdala is the fear
center and it's where fight or flight

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gets processed. Here, the hypothalamis, and that's where we process our bodily

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feelings like hunger and thirst. Our
thalamus where we track the sensory input,

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and our hippocamist campus sorry used to
control our emotional responses to stimuli. You

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put all those together, you call
it the limbic system. Imagine this.

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Your limbic system helps you react to
the world emotionally. It's making a whole

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bunch of assessments. Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? Am I tired?

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Am I afraid? Is this dangerous? What is my body experiencing?

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What is my emotion to my heart
experiencing? This is your limbic system.

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So when you have a positive limbic
response, you feel energized. You have

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this connection to somebody else. It's
like an invisible emotional dance that the two

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of you do where you connect now
doesn't have to be sexual. You can

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have a positive limbic response. I
actually sat on the plane this week and

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I came back with a retired police
officer. It was very interesting story because

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he ran Pacific Division for years and
he told me lots of stories because that's

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my area. So I was really
fascinated with everything he said. And he

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was an extrovert and he was chatty. He's also a teacher, so his

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stories were good and I was just
enthralled with all his stories. We were

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having a positive limbic response. Was
it sexual? It was just mood boosting,

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a mood boosting interaction where we were
kind of in harmony with each other.

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Now in an intimate relationship. Though, when you do have a positive

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limbic response that is also physical.
Think of the big hug at the airport

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I had with Julio. It creates
something called coregulation. It's where you help

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regulate each other's not only emotional state, but physiological state. Julio was the

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first boyfriend I've had it in my
many, many decades of life, where

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we need to be touching at all
times, toes in bed, hands,

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when we're walking on the street,
holding hands, and something happens to both

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our bodies when we're touching. Today, we went for a picnic. We

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met during COVID right there was no
restaurants open, and we did a lot

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of picnics, and he said,
let's go to the very first park we

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went to when I held your hand
for the first time, and we went

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and we just laid down on a
blanket and had a picnic. I was

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mad because I don't really eat much
bread, but about a really good crusty

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baguette, and then I forgot it
and left it on the counter, and

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I was so bummed because I had
the olive oil to dip it in and

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everything. I was so bummed.
But no beg yet. I'm gonna eat

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it before I go to bed.
That's I'm gonna do. I love I

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love bread. I try not to
eat too much, get a little poofy.

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Yeah, I'm not gonna get plastic
surgery, but I'm also not going

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to get puffy anyway. We don't
feel a positive limbic response with everybody,

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but when we do, it feels
particularly special. And that's why you might

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call it your soulmate or instant chemistry
or whatever it is. It's actually something

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physiological that's happening because you have this
connection, and it's really cool when it

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happens. Hey, when we come
back, I want to try to answer

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the question, and there's research that
for this, of course, about how

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honest people are in their dating profiles, and in which parts of the country

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are they more honest than others,
and what do they lie about. Oh,

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you're going to be surprised right now, Let's go to the twenty.

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You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walshot the
KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the

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00:26:04.279 --> 00:26:11.240
iHeartRadio App. You're listening to Doctor
Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six

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00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:15.440
forty. Welcome back to the Doctor
Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty

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Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.
You know, one of the many jobs

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I have in the gig economy,
have many many jobs. I've been in

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the gig economy before there even was
a gig economy because I have attachment anxiety,

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which means when it comes to intimate
relationships, I have had a fear

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of putting all my emotional eggs in
one basket because I mean, what if

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you break up? What if something
happens right? And in my career it

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was the same way. There was
only one time that I had one contract.

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It was at Channel thirteen News.
I was a weekend anchor, a

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weekday reporter and it was an exclusive
contract, meaning I wasn't allowed to work

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for anybody else. And I was
there for three years. And let me

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tell you, it felt like prison. Some people think those contracts are security,

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but not me. It felt like
prison. And so I've been in

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the gig economy anyway, I've resolved
my attachment issues. You know that I'm

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in love with my Julio. We're
getting married. Everything's great. I'm a

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one man woman. But I still
have many jobs. So that was a

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long preamble to say that one of
my many jobs is as an ambassador for

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a website called datingadvice dot com.
And so they do a lot of procurement

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of data on mating habits of the
American single and they came out with a

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new study this week that I found
really interesting, attempting to answer the question

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how honest are people's dating profiles?
Okay, so they did this big survey

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I don't know how many thousands of
people as they do, and they asked

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singles to rate how honest they were. Now, on average, singles rate

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it the honesty of their online dating
experiences. You ready for this at a

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moderate of about one point five out
of ten, meaning if you rate your

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profile as being a ten, it
means one hundred percent honest. If you

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rate it being a one, it
means it's one hundred percent full of lies.

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00:28:19.480 --> 00:28:22.599
Five point one was the average.
That means half of the stuff that

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00:28:22.680 --> 00:28:27.160
you see in most dating profiles is
a lie. Lie, Lie Lie.

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00:28:27.240 --> 00:28:33.400
Now let's talk about where in the
country, according to this survey by datingadvice

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00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:37.039
dot Com people are more honest.
Turns out it's South Dakota. They had

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an impressive seven point five out of
ten. They have more integrity. I

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00:28:41.000 --> 00:28:45.240
think who was the worst. I
know you'd like to think it's La.

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00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:51.039
La wasn't that great? It's Rhode
Island the least honesty, scoring only three

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00:28:51.119 --> 00:28:55.319
point four out of ten in honesty. All right, let me explain all

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this to you. First of all, evolutionary psychologists who have studied mating practices

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mating strategies around the globe have long
known that deception is a common practice in

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made attraction. We all lie a
little bit to make ourselves look better.

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00:29:12.799 --> 00:29:18.200
It's because they're competition for mates.
And when you have high competition, then

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00:29:18.359 --> 00:29:22.880
you know, people embellish their own
traits a little bit because they want to

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00:29:22.920 --> 00:29:27.759
appear more attractive. So, according
to research that I recall reading from the

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00:29:27.839 --> 00:29:33.240
Kinsey Institute, men are more likely
to lie about I don't even need to

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00:29:33.240 --> 00:29:37.039
tell you, you know, right, Men are most likely to lie about

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00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:41.240
height, hair, and income.
We know what it means when you're wearing

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a hat in every single picture.
Dude, It's okay, we love ald

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00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:48.559
men, just take the hat off. Women. Women are more likely to

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00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:52.400
lie about their age or their body
weight, and this has evolutionary history in

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00:29:52.440 --> 00:29:57.440
it, right. Traditionally, through
the evolution of our species, women like

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00:29:57.519 --> 00:30:02.400
men who have resources that they can
help support babies, and we like tall

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00:30:02.440 --> 00:30:06.960
men because that's all good genes,
et cetera. And men tend to like

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00:30:07.119 --> 00:30:11.400
women that are more in their fertility
window age and who are you know,

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00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:17.240
have a nice hip to waste ratio, so they have more estrogen and there's

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00:30:17.240 --> 00:30:19.720
more likely that they'll be able to
reproduce healthy babies. So this is just

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00:30:19.799 --> 00:30:26.960
hardwired in us from our evolution.
So this, this survey from Dating Advice,

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00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:30.200
just supports all this, right,
This is cross cultural human behavior that

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00:30:30.240 --> 00:30:36.799
we all lie a bit. However, because of the anonymity of a digital

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00:30:36.920 --> 00:30:44.000
dating profile, the opportunities to deceive
are even greater on a dating app then

405
00:30:44.599 --> 00:30:47.279
they might be. You know,
you're in a bar and you're telling somebody

406
00:30:47.319 --> 00:30:52.440
a little lie, etc. So
looking at the data, here's one of

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the things I noticed. People who
live in less populated states or states with

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00:30:59.640 --> 00:31:04.960
few urban centers are less likely to
deceive, and people who live in states

409
00:31:06.000 --> 00:31:08.640
like New York and California or their
big urban centers, they're more likely to

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lie on their profiles. So this
leads me to believe that people lie if

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there's a or they lie less if
they think they're going to be discovered.

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Right. If it's in a smaller
place, smaller population, somebody might know,

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you, know, of your cousin
whatever. In big cities, of

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course, there's more anonymity. But
here's what disturbed me the most. Remember

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I told you evolutionary psychologists say men
lie about height and income when women lie

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00:31:34.039 --> 00:31:40.079
about age and body weight. Well, according to the research by dating advice

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00:31:40.160 --> 00:31:47.640
dot Com, thirty two percent of
the lies have to do with relationship status.

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Okay, so this tells you that
you need to do a full assessment

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of potential mates because many of the
people on dating apps, who supposedly should

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be single if they're on a dating
app, may actually be married or at

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least committed to somebody else. You
know, there's also other research I want

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00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:15.559
to remind you about that. The
Kinsey Institute discovered this a while ago that

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one of the biggest turn offs for
potentially for single people is lies on a

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00:32:22.359 --> 00:32:28.480
dating app. You see, love
is about trust. Love is about sharing

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00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:34.559
truths with each other and being vulnerable. If you start out a relationship with

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an untruth or a betrayal, it
makes it so difficult to build trust.

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00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:43.799
You know, years ago, I
did a lot of dating app coaching,

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helping people do their profiles, and
the most common thing people would want to

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00:32:46.160 --> 00:32:49.039
do is say, well, let
me just lie about my age for the

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00:32:49.039 --> 00:32:52.319
search engines, because they're not going
to search my age group because I'm too

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00:32:52.359 --> 00:32:54.440
old what they'll be searching for.
And then I'll just tell them in the

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00:32:54.440 --> 00:32:59.240
first text, actually I'm older,
let me tell you. I always told

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people not to do that, and
the one time it happened to me,

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00:33:04.279 --> 00:33:07.759
literally, I went out a date
with a guy who said he was sixty

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00:33:07.799 --> 00:33:10.640
five, and then I met him
in the restaurant and he looked fine,

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00:33:10.640 --> 00:33:14.079
and I probably would have continued to
date him, but then he told me

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00:33:14.160 --> 00:33:19.799
he was seventy three. I was
like, the age wasn't the issue,

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00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:24.319
it was the lie. The lie
bothered me so much, I couldn't get

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00:33:24.359 --> 00:33:29.759
past it. I couldn't go any
further. So I'm telling you just be

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00:33:29.960 --> 00:33:35.200
truthful and authentic. You're not looking
to impress four hundred people. You're looking

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00:33:35.240 --> 00:33:39.559
for one person who's into you and
your perfect and perfect self. That's what

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00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:44.720
you're looking for, all right.
Hey, when we come back, I

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00:33:44.759 --> 00:33:47.319
am heading to social media and I
am taking your calls. The phone number

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00:33:47.359 --> 00:33:51.440
is one eight hundred five to zero
one KFI. If you've got a relationship

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00:33:51.480 --> 00:33:53.519
question, you give me a call. That's one eight hundred five two zero

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00:33:54.160 --> 00:33:59.240
one five three four. I'll also
head over to social media and answer some

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00:33:59.319 --> 00:34:02.839
of my ms. You are listening
to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI

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00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:09.119
AM six forty are live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to

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00:34:09.159 --> 00:34:13.599
Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always
hear us live on KFI AM six forty

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00:34:13.639 --> 00:34:17.679
from seven to nine pm on Sunday
and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app