WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:06.480
The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are
supported by his extensive experience as a family

2
00:00:06.879 --> 00:00:12.439
therapist and in the previous analysis of
the cases presented here welcome. This is

3
00:00:12.560 --> 00:00:19.280
Chayo With you in jewel. We
begin, then, very good evening to

4
00:00:19.359 --> 00:00:24.879
everyone as I am Chayo Busquets,
this Chayo Contigo and we have a program

5
00:00:24.960 --> 00:00:28.039
full of many things. We already
have audio messages. More and more arrive

6
00:00:28.600 --> 00:00:32.520
remember that whatsapp given for your one- minute audio messages is not for phone

7
00:00:33.439 --> 00:00:37.880
calls. It' s not for
them to send their cases in writing.

8
00:00:38.359 --> 00:00:48.039
It' s just to send your
case verbally into an audio, because a

9
00:00:48.079 --> 00:00:50.920
lot of people find it easier.
And what we want here in Chayo Contigo

10
00:00:51.000 --> 00:00:56.920
is to expand the possibilities for you
to bring your circumstances and to be able,

11
00:00:57.000 --> 00:01:03.040
from there to talk, to bounce
ideas, to give some alternatives that

12
00:01:03.079 --> 00:01:15.319
I hope, as long as they
can be useful for you to hear I

13
00:01:15.319 --> 00:01:23.920
get a lot of cases of moms, particularly, but also of some young

14
00:01:23.920 --> 00:01:33.079
dads with children of two years old, three years old, very desperate,

15
00:01:33.079 --> 00:01:33.079
because they do not know how to
do it so that these little ones obey.

16
00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:38.079
Notice that one of the elements with
which I come across with much forgiveness

17
00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:49.799
is very often related to the false
expectation that corresponds to age. Of course

18
00:01:49.959 --> 00:01:55.760
a child of one year, year
and a half, two years, three

19
00:01:55.760 --> 00:02:00.480
years, four years will learn to
obey, but he won' t do

20
00:02:00.599 --> 00:02:08.879
it because you tell him to obey, because you give him the instruction,

21
00:02:09.240 --> 00:02:12.800
because you tell him to let go
of that because it' s going to

22
00:02:12.800 --> 00:02:15.840
break. That' s not for
play, and I want to get you

23
00:02:15.840 --> 00:02:20.759
in for a bath. Then come
here Let' s go They don'

24
00:02:20.759 --> 00:02:24.039
t do it that way. There' s a lot of restlessness in those

25
00:02:24.039 --> 00:02:32.840
ages. Language is being learned and, therefore, your expectation of obedience has

26
00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:39.639
to be adjusted, that is,
not what I am wanting. Saying with

27
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:43.919
this that if they' re small, they don' t learn, that

28
00:02:43.960 --> 00:02:45.680
if they' re small, they
don' t understand. No. What

29
00:02:45.719 --> 00:02:51.719
I' m saying is that we' re going to have to give the

30
00:02:51.719 --> 00:02:57.599
order at these ages, a short
order. Not my love, that breaks

31
00:02:57.800 --> 00:03:00.879
let him go, because if you
play with him, that can be broken

32
00:03:00.879 --> 00:03:05.400
and besides, you' re gonna
hurt all this. A two- year

33
00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:08.400
- old boy has already been lost. To the two- year- old

34
00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:16.319
we have to tell you that you
don' t play it short specific direct.

35
00:03:19.479 --> 00:03:23.639
And the other important good is that
we' re going to have to

36
00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:30.319
use our physical presence to accompany the
order, that is, if I tell

37
00:03:30.360 --> 00:03:37.599
you this, don' t hang
on to it. I have to get

38
00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:42.240
close so that the moment I give
the order and your son doesn' t

39
00:03:42.400 --> 00:03:46.960
let go, we take it out
of his hands and tell him not to

40
00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:53.560
play. With this, we can
explain later. It' s an ornament.

41
00:03:53.599 --> 00:03:58.240
It' s made of glass.
It breaks you, you can hurt,

42
00:03:58.599 --> 00:04:02.319
but from the beginning of the instruction
it has to be very short,

43
00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:10.520
less than seven eight seconds direct and
with me, there, so that,

44
00:04:10.719 --> 00:04:15.960
once I gave the instruction, the
second one will be accompanied by the action,

45
00:04:16.040 --> 00:04:23.639
if in the first one it did
not listen to you and yes,

46
00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:30.360
it is extremely tired to be a
father, mother of family, of a

47
00:04:30.360 --> 00:04:38.360
little one of these ages, because
they require follow, record, that I

48
00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:43.439
am there, that I am supervising
and that I follow the order that I

49
00:04:43.439 --> 00:04:45.839
am giving you and learn by repetition. So I' m going to have

50
00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:50.399
to tell you today and eventually,
when you come back to the table in

51
00:04:50.439 --> 00:04:56.319
the living room and grab that object
again. I' m going to have

52
00:04:56.360 --> 00:05:02.439
to repeat again, because we learn
all human beings, uh we learn by

53
00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:06.560
repetition in those ages. The wear
and tear is that I have to be

54
00:05:06.680 --> 00:05:12.600
behind him or behind her to go
and do and let' s take care

55
00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:14.759
that he can and he can'
t. It' s a stage of

56
00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:18.439
much exploration. It is a time
of great concern, because what childhood is

57
00:05:18.560 --> 00:05:28.879
about is to be exploring hello my
name is such a fulanite. I have

58
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:34.160
two children, a teenager of thirteen
and another the two men of eleven.

59
00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:39.920
Both are products of a lacal relationship
concluded in a divorce eight years ago my

60
00:05:39.959 --> 00:05:45.399
children' s father, since I
separated from him for an infidelity on his

61
00:05:45.399 --> 00:05:48.879
part. The relationship concluded in bad
terms, pension claims, demand for coexistence,

62
00:05:49.480 --> 00:05:58.240
processes that have passed over the years
in appeals and defenses. We haven

63
00:05:58.319 --> 00:06:00.800
' t passed them. In all
of it. The father of my children,

64
00:06:00.839 --> 00:06:05.560
with financial solvency, has been on
it. The cohabitation was three times

65
00:06:05.560 --> 00:06:10.879
a week with the minors. Among
those years that passed, he has had

66
00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:15.199
several different couples. Today he is
more stable with a lady who has a

67
00:06:15.240 --> 00:06:19.639
child not of him and live in
an open relationship and that is the origin.

68
00:06:20.399 --> 00:06:24.279
My children, over the years,
have experienced the very scenarios of a

69
00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:28.639
dysfunctional family and a mother who is
a professionalist and left her job to dedicate

70
00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:32.199
herself to them. I' m
an only child and I' m in

71
00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:33.959
the care of my ninety- year- old mother, who lives with us.

72
00:06:34.680 --> 00:06:40.680
Last year, my oldest son entered
high school and that' s where

73
00:06:41.720 --> 00:06:51.600
it all started, reaching high school
and I allowed him to start living longer

74
00:06:51.639 --> 00:06:58.240
with his dad who took him to
school, but he conditioned me that I

75
00:06:58.360 --> 00:07:00.800
would have to go to sleep at
his house, because the house of two

76
00:07:00.839 --> 00:07:01.759
where we live is more removed from
the place where they go to school.

77
00:07:02.399 --> 00:07:08.600
My kids didn' t count on
a cell phone. The elder occupied one

78
00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:14.800
of mine that controlled via remote via
Family link, where he gave him two

79
00:07:14.879 --> 00:07:17.959
hours a day for his recreation and
when he went with his dad, because

80
00:07:18.040 --> 00:07:23.160
he had an iPad, which has
no restriction on any content. This made

81
00:07:23.240 --> 00:07:27.160
my son more attractive to be with
his dad and slowly he stayed at his

82
00:07:27.160 --> 00:07:30.879
house to one side because the dad
did not limit him in his behavior or

83
00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:35.279
in the economics. And that'
s how I lost this son. He

84
00:07:35.399 --> 00:07:40.079
went to live with his dad Monday
through Friday to take him to school early.

85
00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:45.639
This is because with me, because
I left everything organized for them and

86
00:07:45.639 --> 00:07:48.480
my mom, since I don'
t have support in household chores, because

87
00:07:48.519 --> 00:07:53.839
this slowed my time and I arrived
five minutes or later to their school and

88
00:07:53.839 --> 00:07:57.360
according to the early arrival. He
left from Monday to Friday to live with

89
00:07:57.480 --> 00:08:01.439
his dad who goes to elementary school
and enters a bravado. Later he stayed

90
00:08:01.480 --> 00:08:07.040
with me. So, little by
little, the Great began to limit himself

91
00:08:07.079 --> 00:08:09.839
or say that he was busy and
did not return home with me and his

92
00:08:09.920 --> 00:08:16.360
brother, because we have been living
alone for eight years. I was never

93
00:08:16.439 --> 00:08:20.680
interested in having a sentimental partner again. And so, seeing all this and

94
00:08:20.839 --> 00:08:24.920
the distance from my son, the
Great, by situations that are supported by

95
00:08:24.920 --> 00:08:28.399
his father no longer has a relationship
with me. I' m six years

96
00:08:28.399 --> 00:08:33.679
old, six months sorry, six
months without living just a few minutes with

97
00:08:33.759 --> 00:08:37.720
him and every time I tell him
at home we need you back. He

98
00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:41.360
tells me it' s school,
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

99
00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:45.000
The dad' s far from instigating
him to come home. When I

100
00:08:45.159 --> 00:08:50.080
tell him, because this is dividing
the brothers, he only tells me he

101
00:08:50.159 --> 00:08:56.200
doesn' t want to, because
it' s sense, since you yell

102
00:08:56.200 --> 00:09:00.120
at him you prefer the child.
And that' s because the big guy

103
00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:03.039
has that idea, because he said
that I was just scolding him and the

104
00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:05.559
kid we haven' t been to
therapy anymore. I keep going, but

105
00:09:05.559 --> 00:09:11.120
I don' t see any progress. It' s almost a stranger to

106
00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:15.840
me if I see him somewhere else
and Mom' s bond, son is

107
00:09:15.840 --> 00:09:20.279
fragmented. The one I prefer to
Chico and I that he prefers to his

108
00:09:20.360 --> 00:09:24.399
dad, who when he was little, because he left them to go with

109
00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:26.919
another couple. And it hurts me
that my son doesn' t see it.

110
00:09:26.000 --> 00:09:30.399
Like this. I feel with a
feeling found regarding my son, because,

111
00:09:31.399 --> 00:09:33.639
because he wants less and less to
deal with me, because his paradigm

112
00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:37.399
is that I fight a lot with
him and if I bother, because he

113
00:09:37.440 --> 00:09:41.759
is a very distracted child in all
aspects and I correct him because I care

114
00:09:41.759 --> 00:09:43.519
that he is a better person.
But with everything that' s happened,

115
00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:48.200
I have a lot of courage with
him, who, materially, is at

116
00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:52.120
his dad' s house How can
I do to get him back. And,

117
00:09:52.399 --> 00:09:54.480
well, then he asks me to
shake up a courthouse. The truth

118
00:09:54.519 --> 00:09:56.679
is, that' s what you
have to do with a lawyer, not

119
00:09:56.679 --> 00:10:05.159
me. But I think there are
a number of things here. How we

120
00:10:05.279 --> 00:10:09.240
' re letting go in some way, how by having other obligations as in

121
00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:13.960
your case, taking care of your
mom, suddenly the situation is getting very

122
00:10:13.960 --> 00:10:20.000
complicated and when you least realized it, it turns out that your son practically

123
00:10:20.039 --> 00:10:28.519
avoided coming to the house and this
is distancing them now. I think the

124
00:10:28.600 --> 00:10:33.919
subject has to become something very clear
from you, as happens in many families

125
00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:37.960
of divorced people, because one weekend
you are at your dad' s house

126
00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:43.960
and one weekend you come here with
me to the house. But you also

127
00:10:43.000 --> 00:10:54.919
have to realize that you need to
start looking at what things and how much

128
00:10:54.000 --> 00:11:00.720
you do to claim things when you
talk to him or when you intend to

129
00:11:00.799 --> 00:11:09.600
approach him. I' m sorry, because somehow, the fact that they

130
00:11:09.679 --> 00:11:15.200
' re always going to give reasons
for us to draw their attention and educate

131
00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:20.039
them. That doesn' t mean
we have to educate everything the same time

132
00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:22.919
we see it and that all your
interaction with it doesn' t have to

133
00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:28.039
become a situation of choosing your dad
or saying to me and of course how

134
00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:33.600
you choose your dad is by convenience
not likely the dad is having a good

135
00:11:33.720 --> 00:11:43.440
bond with him and don' t
necessarily excuse me because they have differences of

136
00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:50.879
opinion. So that generates that,
having different patterns of education in automatic,

137
00:11:52.600 --> 00:11:56.159
the dad makes him the bad guy
already has good that his dad has had

138
00:11:56.240 --> 00:12:01.759
different couples since they split up and
you haven' t been interested. He

139
00:12:01.879 --> 00:12:07.159
doesn' t make you a better
mother than his dad. I think there

140
00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:13.320
are differences of opinion here. If
you have to approach your child in a

141
00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:18.639
more friendly way? Not to give
him what he wants, but yes,

142
00:12:18.679 --> 00:12:26.600
in a more friendly way. Why
put him in conflict with loyalties and also

143
00:12:26.679 --> 00:12:31.919
point out that your child thinks that
when he' s coming with you,

144
00:12:31.279 --> 00:12:35.720
all he' s going to have
is claims and scolding. I think there

145
00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:41.159
' s something you' d have
to think about about how you educate,

146
00:12:41.440 --> 00:12:46.440
how you approach, how you can
be more friendly. Today you have the

147
00:12:46.519 --> 00:12:50.960
advantage that, since you don'
t live day to day with him,

148
00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:54.720
your relationship with him can be more
relaxed. Now whatever you have to do

149
00:12:54.720 --> 00:12:58.240
legally or not. That' s
another matter and you need to see a

150
00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:05.120
lawyer. But I think the place
you' re standing from is being a

151
00:13:05.240 --> 00:13:16.080
place of recriminations, claims, of
belittle the relationship with your dad when there

152
00:13:16.120 --> 00:13:18.720
must be a lot of elements?
Beyond that, perhaps the limits are more

153
00:13:18.759 --> 00:13:24.120
flexible in that house, must there
be many more elements? And if you

154
00:13:24.200 --> 00:13:33.480
put yourself in a place of criticism, of course the company spending time together,

155
00:13:33.039 --> 00:13:39.120
doesn' t become attractive. So
look a little bit from where and

156
00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:46.240
how you get close to your child
and how you' re looking for a

157
00:13:46.360 --> 00:13:54.279
more friendly interaction. And when we
make this kind of concessions along the way,

158
00:13:54.679 --> 00:13:58.919
we always have to take into account
that at some point, the house

159
00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:05.480
where the kids live and spend more
time, is where they generate the most

160
00:14:05.480 --> 00:14:13.559
roots. So abused, because you
have to reconcile offer him to go for

161
00:14:13.080 --> 00:14:20.519
a walk along with his brother also
dedicate time to him alone so that he

162
00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:24.960
discovers that he has a mother who, besides educating, has an affective bond

163
00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:31.320
with him. We are back here
in chayo with you here da Gaby Martínez

164
00:14:31.320 --> 00:14:35.639
Amacona, to which I already try
to tell you two surnames, hello charo

165
00:14:35.960 --> 00:14:41.639
buset how lucky. Thank you very
much, thank you very much, listen,

166
00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:46.360
Gaby, Gaby, one of the
evils that can catch us off guard.

167
00:14:46.480 --> 00:14:52.759
It' s always if he'
s giving a heart attack to someone

168
00:14:52.879 --> 00:14:54.480
right, not and what a fear
it is. I think it' s

169
00:14:54.519 --> 00:15:00.000
our nightmares, totally, totally and
besides, we always have it associated with

170
00:15:00.039 --> 00:15:03.480
better living room, with older people, no older people. And then not

171
00:15:03.559 --> 00:15:09.320
necessarily, not necessarily to see talk
that with heart attacks looks at the heart

172
00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:13.200
attack can happen at any time,
even at home not and if it will

173
00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:20.039
require immediate medical attention. Em Normally
we think that our heart is a bomb

174
00:15:20.519 --> 00:15:26.679
and that this pump pumps the blood, it' s worth the redundancy for

175
00:15:26.679 --> 00:15:31.000
our whole body. If this pump
breaks down for any reason, it can

176
00:15:31.000 --> 00:15:35.240
be a blow, it may be
an electrical shock. Not that someone electrocuted

177
00:15:35.279 --> 00:15:41.480
um could be a non- organic
failure. He simply wore out or stopped

178
00:15:41.600 --> 00:15:46.759
because we have excess fat in our
body. Any of these can be reasons

179
00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:52.840
why we' re facing a heart
attack. Now there are also very young

180
00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:56.840
people who demand too much from their
body and, therefore, their heart and

181
00:15:56.320 --> 00:16:02.399
also cardiac output can lead to a
heart attack. Then let' s see

182
00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:04.440
what we' re gonna do.
Number one in peace, exaggerate attention focus.

183
00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:11.320
We need to stay calm. If
we lose control, we won'

184
00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:15.120
t be able to help. What
we have to do is focus on calling

185
00:16:15.240 --> 00:16:21.480
nine hundred and eleven right away and
warning, of course, what the ambulance

186
00:16:21.559 --> 00:16:23.799
is getting at. I' m
going to be able to do other things,

187
00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:27.399
but I have to activate my metropolitan
emergency system. Call nine hundred eleven.

188
00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:32.480
My mom, my dad, my
husband, someone not to be my

189
00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:36.799
friend, my best friend, is
having a heart attack. Now you'

190
00:16:36.840 --> 00:16:41.360
re going a little ahead. How
he' s having a heart attack pain.

191
00:16:41.480 --> 00:16:44.600
We call it precordial pain, but
imagine in the chest this one gives

192
00:16:44.799 --> 00:16:48.159
you a puncture. Okay. They
don' t start to bend. It

193
00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:52.960
can radiate like extending the pain of
the heart, extending over the left hand.

194
00:16:52.919 --> 00:16:57.320
No, okay, so you can
even get a hold of your hand,

195
00:16:57.960 --> 00:17:00.840
you feel fatigue. You know something' s wrong, but you don

196
00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:03.759
' t know it' s wrong
because I' ve never felt like this

197
00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:07.480
before. Not anymore. So,
uh, that' s where we start

198
00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:15.039
raising suspicions, raising alarms, and, of course, we' ll have

199
00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:17.279
to follow vital signs. If I
approach a person, I will have to

200
00:17:17.720 --> 00:17:22.319
explore how his heart rate is iwally, he sounds abnormal or he sounds very

201
00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:27.559
weak or something is happening. Don' t umm let' s keep the

202
00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:33.880
person who' s suffering the heart
attack calm and comfortable will get help if

203
00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:38.759
a hundred if in my monitoring if
in my follow- up I detect that

204
00:17:38.759 --> 00:17:42.240
separates the heart and stops beating.
At that time we started CPR, cardiopulmonary

205
00:17:42.319 --> 00:17:47.759
resuscitation, which are compressions in the
chest, in the chest and remember the

206
00:17:48.279 --> 00:17:53.400
arms completely extended and we supported all
our weight in a vertical position and made

207
00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:57.480
thirty compressions, one, two,
three. He' s there in the

208
00:17:57.480 --> 00:18:02.160
liva You remember four, five.
We' re not doing it five times.

209
00:18:02.279 --> 00:18:04.759
Thirty compressions. It' s the
three, thirty, one, three,

210
00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:07.599
thirty, two, one, two, three, thirty, three,

211
00:18:08.000 --> 00:18:12.319
four, five times the compressions and
we keep monitoring. A doubt, Gaby.

212
00:18:12.559 --> 00:18:17.880
When we' re doing compressions,
we can notice that, maybe the

213
00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:21.279
person reacts. Will they stop doing
it or are they still doing it?

214
00:18:21.960 --> 00:18:23.599
They stop doing it, you know? I can stop doing compressions if the

215
00:18:23.720 --> 00:18:30.240
vitals come back. OK, here
I' m going to pause, not

216
00:18:30.240 --> 00:18:34.240
necessarily. When there is a heart
attack, CPR is given. There are

217
00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:40.720
times when the person is infarct and
gets infarcted to the hospital and we never

218
00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:42.400
gave him compressions because he never stopped
his heart. Never for the heart.

219
00:18:44.440 --> 00:18:48.200
But there must be an authorization here, there must be prior medical knowledge.

220
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:52.440
But sometimes they give you a little
pill. No. If you feel bad,

221
00:18:52.519 --> 00:18:56.559
if you suspect a heart attack,
you are going to take this and

222
00:18:56.599 --> 00:19:00.440
then go to your medical checkup,
to your annual checkup. We' re

223
00:19:00.640 --> 00:19:06.559
in sando the year, we'
re in February, so go check yourself

224
00:19:06.920 --> 00:19:10.599
out and ask, prof doc no
profe Dock, what probability of heart attack.

225
00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:14.279
I have high low, No,
well, high weight loss, do

226
00:19:14.279 --> 00:19:17.759
more exercise, rest well less coffee
that is what I can tell you and

227
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:26.319
maybe you should have this pill at
hand. Ok Yes, son, yes

228
00:19:26.440 --> 00:19:30.759
son, yes, especially because they
catch you unsuspecting. Look. I know,

229
00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:36.759
it' s chilling, but I
prefer that they live the scare microinfarction

230
00:19:36.759 --> 00:19:40.400
right now on the radio, the
real lymphardo in real life. I'

231
00:19:40.519 --> 00:19:42.920
m not clear about that. You' re absolutely right. Gaby, I

232
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:47.920
liked it. I liked it.
I liked your comment. Thank you so

233
00:19:47.920 --> 00:19:52.880
much. Let us all have a
hug. Thank you for my situations that

234
00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:56.039
I had an argument with my husband
on Saturday over a matter of my son.

235
00:19:56.079 --> 00:20:00.640
I lost control He blew a glass. Later, after an argument,

236
00:20:02.200 --> 00:20:08.759
I ventured to fall I hit on
the head with a table. I had

237
00:20:08.759 --> 00:20:11.559
themochical, great cephalic. It'
s worth mentioning that there was a lot

238
00:20:11.559 --> 00:20:17.279
of blood. I asked him for
help, which he ignored. I was

239
00:20:17.359 --> 00:20:21.960
yelling at him. Help me people. If they didn' t come out,

240
00:20:22.119 --> 00:20:25.559
they helped me get the patrol.
I didn' t press charges.

241
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:30.279
I don' t know why I
didn' t, but I do feel

242
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:33.440
bad for my son. I want
to get out of the house. I

243
00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:37.599
' m scared, I don'
t feel safe anymore. He wanted me

244
00:20:37.599 --> 00:20:41.400
to support you. Thank you very
much. What should I do? Without

245
00:20:41.480 --> 00:20:49.759
a doubt, these scenes are very
complex scenes, scenes that I don'

246
00:20:49.799 --> 00:20:55.440
t want to clarify that there is
no justification for you to throw the glass

247
00:20:55.440 --> 00:21:03.039
against the wall because this is when
you check that violence generates violence and eye

248
00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:07.640
because I' m not saying that
then, as you threw the glass against

249
00:21:07.759 --> 00:21:11.839
the wall, then he has permission
to react in this way you describe.

250
00:21:14.599 --> 00:21:21.880
One of the great problems with marital
conflicts, where there is no capacity for

251
00:21:22.400 --> 00:21:30.000
control by either side, is that
one cannot predict what will happen or where

252
00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:33.160
the person will fall when the wind
or when I safate because it has me

253
00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:41.279
arrested or detained in a violent way, because all there is a great burden.

254
00:21:44.799 --> 00:21:52.960
There are emotions, of course,
because this would have to proceed,

255
00:21:53.640 --> 00:21:56.279
because it is the issues. I
always tell them here that I' m

256
00:21:56.319 --> 00:22:00.880
never going to tell them to divorce
or not to divorce. But when there

257
00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:08.440
is violence involved, the point is
what happens that suddenly everything is done to

258
00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:18.440
as in your case, call a
patrol and then say no. Nothing happened

259
00:22:18.440 --> 00:22:25.920
here. Yeah, you say BBD
today. Well, if you' re

260
00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:30.000
so sure about that, go and
raise the lawsuit. The issue here is

261
00:22:32.119 --> 00:22:37.079
how we relate beyond what is legally
appropriate, because that' s what counsel

262
00:22:37.079 --> 00:22:44.079
has to do with it. But
in the psychological part, here' s

263
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:48.680
what happens, because this is not
a contest of having who had the worst

264
00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:53.160
demonstration of aggression if you, by
throwing the glass against the wall or him

265
00:22:53.319 --> 00:23:00.599
by pushing you. And finally,
you ended up falling down and you ended

266
00:23:00.359 --> 00:23:03.359
up with a problem like the one
you describe. The subject. It'

267
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:08.839
s not an aber violence contest who
committed the most serious misconduct. The issue

268
00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:18.160
is a dynamic that gives rise to
a situation that ended in tragedy. But

269
00:23:18.279 --> 00:23:22.240
what has to lead us to wonder
what happens to the way we relate to

270
00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:30.079
each other, what happens to our
impulse management, how we fight If he

271
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:37.960
had thrown you out and away from
a brain trauma, you would have been

272
00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:42.640
able to hold the balance and you
wouldn' t have fallen off what we

273
00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:48.640
were talking about. There is no
greater violence and less violence. There is

274
00:23:51.559 --> 00:23:56.519
violence and here this speaks of you
coming to a level on which you oppose

275
00:23:56.640 --> 00:24:03.599
a halt so the important l lies, or the subject may come to situations

276
00:24:03.720 --> 00:24:12.079
where there is no turning back.
It' s very complex and again I

277
00:24:14.759 --> 00:24:18.039
separate degrees of violence here. Who
was to blame, who started, because

278
00:24:18.200 --> 00:24:25.359
this is not a topic that has
to lead us from the psychological to make

279
00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:30.640
approaches of this nature, but what
about the dynamics of this relationship, what

280
00:24:33.319 --> 00:24:40.519
has been announced within its way of
relating, of how sooner or later it

281
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:48.839
would reach a degree like this so
unfortunate. So, well, you can

282
00:24:48.839 --> 00:24:56.079
go raise the demand if you want, but the part that matters, in

283
00:24:56.400 --> 00:25:06.160
psychological terms, is how couples'
relationships get to these dynamics. So you

284
00:25:06.200 --> 00:25:10.759
take it into consideration and see if
you have to do serious psychological work around

285
00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:18.279
this. You mentioned your son,
but beyond your son, for you and

286
00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:27.160
for your relationship and, evidently already
by consequence, for this will impact your

287
00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:34.680
son for both good and evil.
I' m telling you my situation.

288
00:25:36.519 --> 00:25:41.599
Don' t mention my name please, I' m twenty- three years

289
00:25:41.640 --> 00:25:45.920
old from the architecture career. I
have a dating relationship with a younger boy.

290
00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:48.880
I' m twenty- three,
he' s twenty- one.

291
00:25:49.160 --> 00:25:52.880
We' re studying the same thing
and it' s been a year and

292
00:25:52.880 --> 00:25:56.559
a month now. Together we have
been through many very uncomfortable things in terms

293
00:25:56.640 --> 00:26:00.519
of talks to resolve conflicts. We
always try to fix it the same day

294
00:26:00.559 --> 00:26:04.079
until we' re all right again. But there' s a very punctual

295
00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:07.680
situation that I don' t know
how to handle anymore. Before we started

296
00:26:07.759 --> 00:26:11.160
our relationship we were friends with a
friend from the same career. That friend

297
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:15.799
was always very attentive to me and
we were just friends. The point is,

298
00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:19.640
he got to flirt with me before
I started hanging out with my boyfriend,

299
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:23.319
but I just didn' t take
it. He didn' t take

300
00:26:23.400 --> 00:26:27.440
it into account and made it clear
to him that I' m interested in

301
00:26:27.720 --> 00:26:32.039
my boyfriend, that is, his
friend, but not to do the longest,

302
00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:37.279
after so much that we went through
differences between the three, for me

303
00:26:37.400 --> 00:26:41.559
that friendship between the three of us
was undone, he no longer talks to

304
00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:45.559
me or to my boyfriend anymore.
We keep a distance from him. But

305
00:26:45.559 --> 00:26:51.559
here the problem is that my boyfriend
told me not to have contact with him

306
00:26:51.799 --> 00:26:55.319
for any reason, to delete him
from any social network, to talk to

307
00:26:55.359 --> 00:26:59.799
him nothing, absolutely nothing, because
it caused him insecurity. And I did

308
00:27:00.119 --> 00:27:03.960
it to be okay with him and
not cause trouble. But when it came

309
00:27:03.079 --> 00:27:07.759
time to talk to him about college
stuff, my boyfriend was mad at me.

310
00:27:08.599 --> 00:27:12.200
When I told him it was school
stuff. One day he realized that

311
00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:18.440
I sent him the same message for
school reasons and he was also angry.

312
00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:22.960
He told me that it seems to
me that I am still interested in knowing

313
00:27:22.119 --> 00:27:25.880
about him and always for this former
friend is a matter of discussion. I

314
00:27:25.920 --> 00:27:27.720
always ended up being the bad guy
in the story. When I explain to

315
00:27:27.799 --> 00:27:33.440
him that not because I spoke to
him because of school things, I would

316
00:27:33.519 --> 00:27:36.440
like to say that I am interested
in other things. That happened in the

317
00:27:36.559 --> 00:27:40.960
first three months of our relationship and
in the middle of the year, about

318
00:27:41.039 --> 00:27:47.039
time passed and those fights for him
no longer passed until Tuesday again told me

319
00:27:47.079 --> 00:27:49.960
angry that I was disappointed that because
I saw that I still had him as

320
00:27:51.000 --> 00:27:55.160
a follower in Tiktok' s apps, when that was the first times that

321
00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:57.799
we became friends. It never crossed
my mind that I was still following him

322
00:27:57.920 --> 00:28:02.640
in the APP to erase him.
When he asked me to, I don

323
00:28:02.759 --> 00:28:06.799
' t even fear it' s
important, I didn' t know how

324
00:28:06.799 --> 00:28:10.000
to raise content or anything. It' s irrelevant the APP to me I

325
00:28:10.039 --> 00:28:12.920
only have it to watch certain videos
of certain things. Then he claimed me

326
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:18.200
angry that he was disappointed that we
had seen that when we had found out

327
00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:19.400
that I had erased it from all
social networks. I explained to him that

328
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:23.119
I didn' t remember that I
was there, that even if I was

329
00:28:23.759 --> 00:28:27.440
there, I don' t care, that the important thing is that I

330
00:28:27.519 --> 00:28:30.839
believe and trust me, but not
that there are already several times that I

331
00:28:30.839 --> 00:28:34.400
don' t keep my word,
that for talking to him at uni and

332
00:28:34.440 --> 00:28:38.000
for sending him messages for school things, that for following him still in the

333
00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:38.720
APP and I don' t know
what to do anymore. Or to say

334
00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:42.440
as long as we are convinced that
we should not give importance to that,

335
00:28:42.640 --> 00:28:47.079
that that is past, that it
should not matter, that what we should

336
00:28:47.119 --> 00:28:49.960
care about is our present and that
we should not allow him to be a

337
00:28:51.000 --> 00:28:52.920
reason for discussion among us. But
between the argument and the claims that he

338
00:28:52.960 --> 00:28:56.880
gave me for him, I told
him that then it is to go security

339
00:28:57.480 --> 00:29:02.400
of my boyfriend with this former friend
that as long as he doesn' t

340
00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:04.400
overcome that, he will always be
tormented by his presence and that the fact

341
00:29:04.480 --> 00:29:07.759
that I see him daily in college
and more than me drags me with that

342
00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:12.759
insecurity. When he said that,
he got more angry than that. I

343
00:29:12.799 --> 00:29:15.599
told him to look for help to
get through things together. But I also

344
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:22.599
have insecurities. But he told me
that he does not need any psychologist or

345
00:29:22.599 --> 00:29:26.000
therapy, that it is not weak
that I do, that I leave with

346
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:29.200
my orientations, because he does not
need it. Among many other things we

347
00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:33.039
said. And I ended up telling
him that I no longer feel able to

348
00:29:33.079 --> 00:29:36.160
deal with this situation, I no
longer know how to act. I'

349
00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:40.200
m overtaken by my emotions, give
me time to think and talk again calmly.

350
00:29:40.240 --> 00:29:42.160
And the only thing he told me
was that I' ve given the

351
00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:45.359
subject that only matters how I feel
that I leave it half worth what he

352
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:52.400
feels when I actually gave them the
solution to seek help. The truth is,

353
00:29:52.519 --> 00:29:59.359
I didn' t want to talk
anymore because I didn' t feel

354
00:29:59.400 --> 00:30:00.519
able to face it, but I
need space to think. I just told

355
00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:06.920
him that I do care about his
feeling, but he doesn' t accept

356
00:30:06.920 --> 00:30:08.880
it so far. She doesn'
t want to talk to me, and

357
00:30:10.440 --> 00:30:11.599
I feel like she' s holding
me responsible and she doesn' t accept

358
00:30:11.599 --> 00:30:15.359
that it' s wrong. That' s part of a lot of things

359
00:30:15.359 --> 00:30:18.119
we' ve been through. I
don' t know if we' re

360
00:30:18.920 --> 00:30:22.119
falling into something toxic, but I
don' t know if he made me

361
00:30:22.119 --> 00:30:26.319
understand. Yeah, you made yourself
perfectly well understood, and I think this

362
00:30:27.519 --> 00:30:30.799
certainly has nothing to do with you. It has to do with him,

363
00:30:32.920 --> 00:30:37.960
with him with his insecurities and his
jealousy, but it also has to do

364
00:30:37.079 --> 00:30:41.519
with something else that I don'
t know if there are any more elements

365
00:30:41.519 --> 00:30:47.160
in your relationship with him. But
be careful, because this is an attempt

366
00:30:47.240 --> 00:30:56.359
at control and when in a relationship
you don' t give the confidence to

367
00:30:56.559 --> 00:31:02.319
believe what the other person is saying, because some entry is already very bad,

368
00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:11.359
because without a doubt, this insecurity
that he initially accepted that he had

369
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:15.920
and that he no longer recognizes,
doesn' t make him face why it

370
00:31:18.000 --> 00:31:26.759
requires you to finish an interaction like
the one you just described just out of

371
00:31:26.839 --> 00:31:33.640
jealousy. And I think that when
we do things like what you said at

372
00:31:33.720 --> 00:31:37.279
the beginning, I, as long
as I had no problems, did what

373
00:31:37.400 --> 00:31:44.559
he asked me, because somehow you
acted as guilty, as if there were

374
00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:53.480
reasons for no one can in a
couple relationship, forbid the other person certain

375
00:31:53.480 --> 00:31:57.000
friends, certain contacts, whom he
has to have in his networks and whom

376
00:31:57.119 --> 00:32:04.640
he doesn' t, because he' s an attempt at control and I

377
00:32:04.680 --> 00:32:07.640
think you have to think about it, because, besides everything, it'

378
00:32:07.640 --> 00:32:10.079
s working as the gruesome lawsuit.
He' s the one who' s

379
00:32:10.119 --> 00:32:17.240
acting bad and he' s the
one who gets angry and puts limits on

380
00:32:17.240 --> 00:32:22.519
you. So I think it'
s time you consider whether this is really

381
00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:28.519
worth it and what you want for
your future, even when there' s

382
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:40.880
affection involved. Think about it and
speaking of news, tomorrow we' ll

383
00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:47.559
have Tartron here with a question I
leave you with from today is the same

384
00:32:47.559 --> 00:32:52.799
loyalty and fidelity. Let' s
talk about it with her and next Monday

385
00:32:52.920 --> 00:33:00.440
we have a full couple program.
What elements hurt the relationships of our couple.

386
00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:05.640
Don' t miss it. And
with this I tell you until tomorrow

387
00:33:05.720 --> 00:33:08.799
we hear here in Chayo with you
tomorrow at 1: 00 p m,

388
00:33:13.079 --> 00:33:13.839
until tomorrow Audio Center