WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.000 Alright, if you stay ready, you ain't gotta get ready, is what 2 00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:16.039 they say. So we're running this back again. Just have some technical difficulties. 3 00:00:16.039 --> 00:00:17.839 And I said on the first one, don't be judging me that I'm 4 00:00:17.839 --> 00:00:20.120 be trying to cancel me because I got this drink here. But I had 5 00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:23.120 to get something to drink all the way in here because I left my drink 6 00:00:23.160 --> 00:00:26.960 at home. But welcome back to the Black Girl Experience. I'm your host, 7 00:00:27.079 --> 00:00:35.240 Jasmine Dan Yell back with another one. I'm feeling great, somebody said, 8 00:00:35.240 --> 00:00:38.479 I hope you feeling good as I am. I'm feeling great. I'm 9 00:00:38.520 --> 00:00:54.079 at work. I'm at my real job. So I'm back with the continuation 10 00:00:54.200 --> 00:00:59.039 of last week. I want to talk about how today mark seven days since 11 00:00:59.119 --> 00:01:03.239 I walked off my job. And I know that they're all here watching. 12 00:01:03.319 --> 00:01:08.400 Hi guys, thank you for the views. No, but I just kind 13 00:01:08.400 --> 00:01:11.319 of want to talk about that and you know where I'm going from there. 14 00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:19.439 So on the last video that was last m oh no, that was last 15 00:01:19.439 --> 00:01:23.000 Saturday, but still okay. But it's been seven days since that happened. 16 00:01:23.879 --> 00:01:30.480 And like I said, the first day that I quit, when I got 17 00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:33.280 home, I just went home and decided like, I'm gonna just chill, 18 00:01:33.319 --> 00:01:41.359 I'm gonna just relax, I'm gonna process what happened, blase blah. But 19 00:01:41.480 --> 00:01:46.000 I also decided to make some type of a plan for myself. So the 20 00:01:46.200 --> 00:01:55.200 idea was to create a daily routine for myself for the upcoming week, because, 21 00:01:56.879 --> 00:01:59.120 you know, working a job, I'm not able to have a daily 22 00:01:59.200 --> 00:02:01.480 routine. I get up at six am and hurry up and get ready and 23 00:02:01.640 --> 00:02:04.959 shoot to the job. You know what I'm saying. I do have my 24 00:02:05.680 --> 00:02:07.400 little things that I do in the morning, as far as my meditations, 25 00:02:07.479 --> 00:02:10.879 my affirmations and all of that shit, and just trying to set the tone 26 00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:15.759 for my day. But it's very important to set a daily routine for yourself 27 00:02:15.759 --> 00:02:17.639 to get in a groove of things, especially if it's a certain type of 28 00:02:17.639 --> 00:02:23.719 lifestyle that you want to live. So I made this big granddads plan and 29 00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:24.960 I did a lot. I was proud of myself because I was actually really 30 00:02:25.000 --> 00:02:30.319 productive that day. But I made this big ass grand plan for myself about 31 00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:32.879 what my daily routine was gonna be for the next five days. Did your 32 00:02:32.879 --> 00:02:38.800 girl follow it? Absolutely not. I failed at the daily routine, but 33 00:02:38.919 --> 00:02:44.759 it's okay. And you know what, I gotta stop beating myself up about 34 00:02:44.759 --> 00:02:50.840 shit for real. But that's what I'm saying about, like experiencing burnout and 35 00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:55.240 just like really being like tired and stressed and just needing a break. I'm 36 00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:59.680 telling y'all, even when I was working a job every day, on my 37 00:02:59.759 --> 00:03:02.439 day days off, I would feel bad for want to lay in the bed 38 00:03:02.479 --> 00:03:05.520 all day. You know what I'm saying, for one to catch up on 39 00:03:05.639 --> 00:03:07.639 rest or just relax. And it's like, Jasmine, you don't have to 40 00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:12.919 feel bad. You don't have to be productive every second of the fucking day. 41 00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:22.319 A part of like feeling restored and renewed and rejuvenated is getting rest. 42 00:03:22.919 --> 00:03:28.840 You cannot be a green light twenty four fucking seven. Sometimes you're gonna be 43 00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:31.479 yellow, sometimes you gonna be red. You need to stop, you know 44 00:03:31.520 --> 00:03:36.879 what I'm saying. Like, and I think that we all just live in 45 00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:40.520 this burnout culture of just gotta be productive, always got to be doing something 46 00:03:40.599 --> 00:03:44.400 like I'm not about to work myself to death. I'm not about to do 47 00:03:44.439 --> 00:03:49.159 it. You know what I'm saying. You deserve rest. You watching this 48 00:03:49.280 --> 00:03:53.280 video, you deserve rest, period. So that's what I just kind of 49 00:03:53.319 --> 00:03:58.240 had to realize. So even though and my thing was so like I had 50 00:03:58.319 --> 00:04:00.159 rolled it out and everything, like I'm like, I'm gonna still get up 51 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:03.879 at six am every day, which number one, I'm gonna wake up at 52 00:04:03.879 --> 00:04:08.319 probably about five. Sometimes I wake up at three am. I usually wake 53 00:04:08.360 --> 00:04:10.960 up during the witch in hours too. Sometimes I wake up at three am, 54 00:04:11.479 --> 00:04:14.400 scrawl on my phone, go to the bathroom, can't go back to 55 00:04:14.439 --> 00:04:15.920 sleep, or I go back to sleep. Sometimes I wake up about five 56 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:20.240 or six. But my body is so trained to get up, like I 57 00:04:20.279 --> 00:04:24.800 have not slept in since I don't know when, like for real, like 58 00:04:26.360 --> 00:04:30.120 my sleeping in days ended after I became a mother, and that was almost 59 00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:33.720 thirteen. Well yeah, thirteen years ago. He's gonna be thirteen in March. 60 00:04:36.079 --> 00:04:40.519 I haven't slept in in years. So like my body is just trained 61 00:04:40.560 --> 00:04:44.079 to get up early. But I have wrote that down, like I'm gonna 62 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:47.800 wake up at six am still, I'm gonna listen to my morning meditation and 63 00:04:47.839 --> 00:04:53.199 affirmations. I'm like, I'm shower and do everything like I'm getting ready for 64 00:04:53.240 --> 00:04:56.439 work. And then I said that I was gonna write in my journal and 65 00:04:56.560 --> 00:04:59.600 just do all this shit. Pick out what I want to upload on my 66 00:04:59.639 --> 00:05:02.720 Instagram for content whatever. H I said. I was gonna do yoga like 67 00:05:02.759 --> 00:05:05.639 I had this whole little thing planned out, and I ain't gonna lie. 68 00:05:05.720 --> 00:05:11.000 I my body woke up at the time, but I didn't get Oh. 69 00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:13.240 But you know what really threw it. This is what really, this is 70 00:05:13.240 --> 00:05:15.360 what really made the plan fail. My power went out. On Monday was 71 00:05:15.399 --> 00:05:17.079 raining and my power went out. I was like, cool, I could 72 00:05:17.120 --> 00:05:20.199 just chill in the bed. I mean, I was up, but I 73 00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:23.600 was like, I ain't gotta get up up. It was dark as hell, 74 00:05:23.680 --> 00:05:27.360 So I'm like, fuck it, but I'm not gonna lie through the 75 00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:30.279 rest of the week. I didn't one hundred percent follow through with what I 76 00:05:30.360 --> 00:05:35.680 was doing. And that's okay, because I felt like I need to rest. 77 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:40.279 You know what I'm saying. I need to chill. I get up 78 00:05:40.360 --> 00:05:45.839 every I was getting up every goddamn day going to work. Ain't miss a 79 00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:49.560 day. I worked in that bitch for six months straight. Ain't never call 80 00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:53.680 off, ain't never miss a day. So, bro, you know what 81 00:05:53.720 --> 00:05:55.560 I'm saying. And then you do got your off days. But again, 82 00:05:56.600 --> 00:06:04.680 feeling feeling guilty for wanting to rest, that's a problem. That's a problem, 83 00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:10.800 bro, that's a fucking problem. So again, it wasn't like I 84 00:06:10.839 --> 00:06:13.319 was just laying in the bed all day not doing shit. I was still 85 00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:17.120 being productive. I was still uploading my content, I was still writing in 86 00:06:17.160 --> 00:06:21.319 my journal, I was still applying to jobs. I had a couple job 87 00:06:21.399 --> 00:06:26.199 interviews that I went to, so I would still be The point is to 88 00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:30.000 just be productive, but also find that balance, get your rest, like, 89 00:06:30.439 --> 00:06:33.800 don't burn yourself out, don't kill yourself, and don't feel bad like 90 00:06:35.800 --> 00:06:40.560 baby, don't don't let the world tell you what fuck you need to be 91 00:06:40.600 --> 00:06:43.759 doing. Just do what fuck you need to do, do what you feel 92 00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:49.959 is best for you. Period. So yeah, I feel that my daily 93 00:06:50.040 --> 00:06:53.959 routines. Another thing that I put on there too was like meditation. So 94 00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:58.000 most of the times when I listen to God, I like to listen to 95 00:06:58.040 --> 00:07:01.160 guided meditations where people are talking talk talk me through it, baby, you 96 00:07:01.399 --> 00:07:04.680 talk me through it, for real. I listen to guided meditations a lot 97 00:07:04.800 --> 00:07:10.399 because just pure meditation by yourself as hard as fuck. I'm not gonna lie, 98 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:19.959 it's very hard. I'm talking about like sitting up and really like really 99 00:07:20.000 --> 00:07:25.079 having a silence on mind. I still struggle with that, But I say, 100 00:07:25.160 --> 00:07:28.279 Okay, for this week, I'm gonna do on Monday, do one 101 00:07:28.319 --> 00:07:31.879 minute of meditation just you know, with nothing else, just sitting there Tuesday, 102 00:07:31.959 --> 00:07:35.879 two minutes Wednesday three. So I want to encourage y'all to do that. 103 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:39.319 So, because meditation is very hard, I'm not gonna lie you, 104 00:07:39.439 --> 00:07:42.600 a black nigga. My mind is going like your mind is not gonna shut 105 00:07:42.639 --> 00:07:46.000 the fuck up when you try to meditate. That's when the voices get the 106 00:07:46.160 --> 00:07:49.319 loudest, like, bitch, why are y'all talking to me? Why? 107 00:07:49.399 --> 00:07:54.399 Like you think about everything under the sun, baby, and if you an 108 00:07:54.439 --> 00:07:59.480 overthinker like me, your brain just never shuts off. Ever, I would 109 00:07:59.519 --> 00:08:01.399 hate to be West. I can't even imagine what goes on in his head. 110 00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:05.959 Like, but yeah, so I think that if you do want to 111 00:08:05.959 --> 00:08:09.360 start off with meditation, I would say start like that. So next week 112 00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:11.680 on Monday, dude, and you can set the little time around your phone 113 00:08:13.399 --> 00:08:16.639 for one minute on Monday, two minutes on Tuesday, three minutes Wednesday, 114 00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:18.839 four minutes on Thursday, five minutes on Friday. If you get up to 115 00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:24.360 Friday and you meditate for five minutes just in the complete silence, you Gucci. 116 00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:28.480 Okay, you on your way. So I would just say that, 117 00:08:28.519 --> 00:08:33.120 and again I think that don't judge yourself for what comes up in your mind, 118 00:08:33.960 --> 00:08:37.879 don't you know what I'm saying. You gotta allow your thoughts to pass 119 00:08:37.960 --> 00:08:43.440 like visitors just stopping through. Okay, you just and become the observer of 120 00:08:43.480 --> 00:08:46.440 your thoughts and just watch them, bitches, all the bad thoughts. A 121 00:08:46.440 --> 00:08:50.200 lot of people you want to I don't know if I should say that. 122 00:08:52.759 --> 00:08:58.440 Let's okay, whatever, all your crazy thoughts, your bad thoughts, nasty 123 00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:01.159 thoughts, good thoughts, whatever. Just become the observer of your thoughts and 124 00:09:01.240 --> 00:09:05.720 just let them pass, you know what I'm saying, until you get to 125 00:09:05.759 --> 00:09:09.480 a place of like, dang, my mind is clear. But whatever. 126 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:13.799 So that's just a tip for y'all, I think, and you know, 127 00:09:13.919 --> 00:09:20.039 a little encouragement to start your meditation. Like I said, I had a 128 00:09:20.039 --> 00:09:22.440 couple interviews. I had a couple phone interviews and then I had some in 129 00:09:22.480 --> 00:09:31.240 person interviews and they went good. But also I just I feel like I 130 00:09:31.240 --> 00:09:35.720 felt two ways about it. One, I'm going to these interviews because I 131 00:09:35.720 --> 00:09:37.519 still gotta get money. I still gotta pay bills, I still gotta figure 132 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:39.639 my life. You know what I'm saying, I gotta do what I gotta 133 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:43.960 do. But also I was just going and I was having interviews like I 134 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:48.360 really fucking hate this, Like I don't want to know how much longer do 135 00:09:48.440 --> 00:09:52.639 I have to do this shit. I know I'm only thirty three, and 136 00:09:52.679 --> 00:09:56.240 motherfuckers like you still got your whole life to work. Man, some gonna 137 00:09:56.240 --> 00:10:01.200 have to give. I'm not doing this forever. Like I just saw a 138 00:10:01.240 --> 00:10:05.679 video on TikTok too. Somebody was talking about they changed the they changed something 139 00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:09.159 so about you gotta work till you seventy. They're like, bitch, I'm 140 00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:13.600 not working. I'm not working till I'm seventy, or I'm gonna be doing 141 00:10:13.639 --> 00:10:15.919 what I love. You know what, i'ma be doing what I want to 142 00:10:15.960 --> 00:10:20.480 do and it's not gonna feel like work. But I'm not going in and 143 00:10:20.519 --> 00:10:24.519 punching the clock for somebody until I'm seventy. And I talked about that before, 144 00:10:24.559 --> 00:10:30.720 about how like my dad is a retired police officer, but he still 145 00:10:30.799 --> 00:10:37.159 has to work. He retired when I graduated from high school, but he 146 00:10:37.279 --> 00:10:41.279 still gotta work. Like I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. 147 00:10:43.399 --> 00:10:46.120 And then I saw a video on TikTok that was a girl was talking about 148 00:10:46.519 --> 00:10:50.799 it's day four being unemployed, and she was like, I just had an 149 00:10:50.799 --> 00:10:52.639 interview and she was like, uh, what did she say? She was 150 00:10:52.679 --> 00:10:54.759 like, I know I'm not gonna fucking get it. I know I'm not 151 00:10:54.759 --> 00:10:58.600 gonna fuck get it cause I can't sit here and pretend like I'm passionate about 152 00:10:58.600 --> 00:11:05.200 being a receptionist. I'm not passionate about being a server. Like dead ass. 153 00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:07.000 She was like, this is not when they asked you when you were 154 00:11:07.000 --> 00:11:09.039 younger, like what do you want to grow up? A bean? Not 155 00:11:09.120 --> 00:11:15.840 a motherfucking receptionist, bitch, not a server at fucking Bennie hanahor like no, 156 00:11:15.840 --> 00:11:20.039 no, so, and actually there aren't servers at Bennie Hannah's, hon. 157 00:11:20.120 --> 00:11:22.840 They just got the little cooks at but whatever, you know. So, 158 00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:26.840 yeah, I had a couple of interviews. They well, I got 159 00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:31.600 an interview tomorrow. And another thing about that that I was thinking about is 160 00:11:31.679 --> 00:11:41.720 like, I feel like we have to change the narratives with jobs and corporate 161 00:11:41.759 --> 00:11:45.240 America and all of that shit. And it's so funny because all I did 162 00:11:45.320 --> 00:11:50.440 was upload one video, one little clip from this and I put a hashtag 163 00:11:50.519 --> 00:11:52.879 quit my job on it on TikTok, and ever since then, a whole 164 00:11:54.600 --> 00:12:00.200 little sleeve of videos that came up about like people quitting their jobs, millennials 165 00:12:00.279 --> 00:12:05.559 specifically, but people quitting their jobs, a whole bunch of like videos about 166 00:12:05.679 --> 00:12:09.799 people really giving the game on how foul the work industry is. I'm talking 167 00:12:09.799 --> 00:12:16.600 about employment lawyers talking about managers and hr like trying to get people fired, 168 00:12:16.639 --> 00:12:18.480 people like and this is real life shit with people telling their stories like this 169 00:12:18.519 --> 00:12:22.480 is how I got terminated. This is da da da da. Just it's 170 00:12:22.519 --> 00:12:26.919 a whole lane for that. And that's why that's why motherfuckers hate TikTok. 171 00:12:26.080 --> 00:12:30.360 That's why they want to ban that shit because it's too much truth being told 172 00:12:30.440 --> 00:12:33.519 on TikTok. So I don't feel bad about it. And I was not 173 00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:41.080 even I'm gonna call you back. I was not even terminated. But that's 174 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:48.080 the thing. So remember I said that I felt like my I felt like 175 00:12:48.159 --> 00:12:50.399 my job was in the balance, Like if I wouldn't have quit, I 176 00:12:50.519 --> 00:12:54.559 was gonna get fired. They was putting me on the chopping block. You 177 00:12:54.600 --> 00:12:56.120 know what I'm saying. I already got ridden up. You know how that 178 00:12:56.240 --> 00:13:00.399 go don't think you gonna write me up and have me signed off on the 179 00:13:00.399 --> 00:13:03.600 paper and just think I'm good. They was having interviews and all that shit 180 00:13:03.679 --> 00:13:07.639 after that, so I already knew what time it was, so I don't 181 00:13:07.639 --> 00:13:13.080 really feel bad about it. So yeah, like I said, it's like 182 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:16.279 it's a whole lane on TikTok for that for like the injustices in the workplace. 183 00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:30.919 So hm. Another thing is oh so with changing the narrative. So 184 00:13:31.519 --> 00:13:33.440 you know, something that I have to deal with now is like I got 185 00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:37.360 a whole job on my resume that they're gonna ask, like, so, 186 00:13:37.399 --> 00:13:41.600 what happened at your last job? And you gotta be like, damn, 187 00:13:41.679 --> 00:13:45.440 what happened at my last job? What is your last job gonna say about 188 00:13:45.480 --> 00:13:50.320 you? Well? Nothing, nothing but bad things now. But even still, 189 00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:56.919 like I'm still gonna I'm still gonna speak my truth about why I quit. 190 00:13:56.120 --> 00:14:01.200 You know what I'm saying, there was a long laundry of reasons why 191 00:14:01.240 --> 00:14:05.720 I did what I did and how I felt about how I was being treated 192 00:14:05.799 --> 00:14:11.600 and just you know what I'm saying, So like it could be a bad 193 00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:13.440 look or whatever, but I'm gonna just tell the truth, Like what else 194 00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:16.759 can you say I can't just be like I was here for six months not 195 00:14:16.840 --> 00:14:20.360 working. I could, but then they'd be like, but even still, 196 00:14:20.440 --> 00:14:24.720 that's another thing I hate about jobs. So what's up with this this gap 197 00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:28.639 in your work history? Bitchall was taking a fucking break, Like I've been 198 00:14:28.679 --> 00:14:31.039 working all my life. I was unemployed, I was looking for a job. 199 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:35.480 I was like, it's I just hate it. I hate it all 200 00:14:35.639 --> 00:14:39.360 because the people that are being interviewed for the job are lying a lot of 201 00:14:39.399 --> 00:14:43.559 the times. But the motherfuckers that are doing the interview y'all are lying too. 202 00:14:45.639 --> 00:14:50.799 I'm gonna start asking a bunch of questions about the work culture, cause 203 00:14:50.840 --> 00:14:54.399 you know, motherfucker's love it lie. We're like a family here? What 204 00:14:54.600 --> 00:14:58.679 family? Because cousin Faith fucked Terry husband on soul food, So what kind 205 00:14:58.720 --> 00:15:01.960 of fan is this? Like, we're like a family. And then you 206 00:15:03.000 --> 00:15:05.240 get in that bitch as a toxic work environment. Not all the time, 207 00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:09.000 but you know what I'm saying, Like jobs be selling you a whole dreaming 208 00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:11.720 and you get in that bitch and be like, what what is this? 209 00:15:13.639 --> 00:15:18.000 What did I sign up for? So I'm asking helly questions. What's the 210 00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.440 turnover? Rate, Like you know what, I'm saying, what do y'all 211 00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:22.919 need to improve on? What do y'all reviews say? What a what would 212 00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:26.320 the what do the employees have to say about working here? Like what's the 213 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:31.519 worst part about their job? And then you know, I've been doing my 214 00:15:31.639 --> 00:15:35.200 research on Texas law, and I mean, I guess, I guess by 215 00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:39.240 law, they're not required to give you any type of breaks. But I'm 216 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:43.679 asking about all of that now, like this has to be mutually beneficial. 217 00:15:43.759 --> 00:15:46.000 I can't just be breaking my back for y'all and y'all nigga's treating me like 218 00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:50.519 shit, like no, especially when I worked somewhere for six months straight and 219 00:15:50.679 --> 00:16:03.759 never fucking called off, Like give me a fucking break, bro. I 220 00:16:03.799 --> 00:16:08.000 feel like that experience taught me a very good lesson, even though I feel 221 00:16:08.039 --> 00:16:11.000 like it was a lesson that I kind of already knew, and I feel 222 00:16:11.039 --> 00:16:18.759 like everybody should know. So, Like friends in the workplace, I've never 223 00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:23.639 went into a job seeking friendship for real, Like you know what I'm saying, 224 00:16:23.679 --> 00:16:27.840 I'm cool with people. I got work friends, coworkers cool. I 225 00:16:27.960 --> 00:16:30.720 always say, like I don't want to have conflict with people in my job 226 00:16:30.720 --> 00:16:36.480 because you be with them ninety nine percent of the time, but actually being 227 00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:40.960 friends with people at work them motherfuckers. It's not your friends. What blade 228 00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:44.919 Ice would say friends is just what you say friends is just friend. Friends 229 00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:47.639 ain't really friends, just some cool last niggas, Like they just some cool 230 00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:49.600 last niggas. For Like, you don't really become friends with the people that 231 00:16:49.639 --> 00:16:52.399 you work with. I mean you might. I do have a couple of 232 00:16:52.559 --> 00:16:57.720 friends that, like, I'm still cool with outside of a job that I'm 233 00:16:57.759 --> 00:17:02.440 no longer at, but even it's just a difference between work friends and your 234 00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:06.920 real friends, the people that I'm still friends with from previous jobs. Like 235 00:17:07.160 --> 00:17:11.200 it's two that stand out in my head for sure, my homegirl Kyla and 236 00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:17.119 Marquita. I'm still super cool with both of them. But we've always literally 237 00:17:17.160 --> 00:17:22.400 been work friends. We feel like, I'll go to it's theay birthday or 238 00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:23.759 whatever, they having something for their birthday, go out for their birthday, 239 00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:29.519 might go to a concert together. Me and Kyla stay in the DMS every 240 00:17:29.599 --> 00:17:33.440 day, like we and me and Kyla stopped working together and like two thousand 241 00:17:33.559 --> 00:17:37.480 of what nah no, I start working there at like two thousand, maybe 242 00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:41.160 thirteen or something like that. And these are not people that I talk to 243 00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:44.880 on the phone every day or something like that, but we still cool. 244 00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:48.160 But you know what I'm saying, It's just that's your work friend. You 245 00:17:48.200 --> 00:17:49.519 know what I'm saying. I don't talk to them every day like that. 246 00:17:49.799 --> 00:17:53.640 We ain't like best friends with them, your work friends. But you know, 247 00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:59.680 sometimes you make those lifelong work friends. In this instance. I do 248 00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:03.599 remember when I first came in. I remember the manager was telling me, 249 00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:07.240 like, don't tell your business to nobody in here, like, don't get 250 00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:10.839 cool with like be weary about what you say. And these are things that 251 00:18:10.880 --> 00:18:14.200 I already know. And I still I don't feel like I over shared any 252 00:18:14.319 --> 00:18:17.920 There was nothing that I shared with anybody in there that I would be ashamed 253 00:18:17.960 --> 00:18:22.599 of or embarrassed. I feel like I'm an open book. I talk about 254 00:18:22.599 --> 00:18:26.759 everything on here, so it's nothing like everything that I ever told anybody in 255 00:18:26.759 --> 00:18:30.480 there. Everybody on the podcasts already fucking know. So it's and even still 256 00:18:30.519 --> 00:18:33.599 there's nothing that somebody could go say about me that I haven't already said about 257 00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:37.519 myself or I don't really care that, you know. But it's still the 258 00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:47.519 fact that like I knew, I knew there was some underlying motives and energy 259 00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:51.839 behind people in there. You know what I'm saying, But I just keep 260 00:18:51.880 --> 00:18:55.000 a cute smile. Hey girl, you know what I'm saying. Like I 261 00:18:55.000 --> 00:19:00.160 already knew what it was. But now that I'm out of there, and 262 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:03.240 you know, I've heard many many things since I left, and it's only 263 00:19:03.319 --> 00:19:07.119 been seven days, I've heard many many things. But it only just further 264 00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:11.119 confirmed some things that I felt or you know, kind of low key already 265 00:19:11.160 --> 00:19:14.200 knew. But again, I was just in that bitch, keeping a cue. 266 00:19:14.200 --> 00:19:17.359 I don't like y'all. Niggas is not my friends for real, you 267 00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:22.400 know, And a motherfucker that's gonna gossip with you is gonna gossip about you. 268 00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:25.079 And that's what you gotta know, you know what I'm saying. But 269 00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:30.039 it's whatever. And like I said, people are watching, and apparently they've 270 00:19:30.039 --> 00:19:33.160 been watching this shit for months, So again, thank you for the views. 271 00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:42.839 Keep fucking watching, yeah, but for short going forward, Like and 272 00:19:42.920 --> 00:19:45.880 like I said, it wasn't like I was besties with nobody in that bitch 273 00:19:45.960 --> 00:19:51.440 or nothing like that, but even still just coming out of it, it 274 00:19:51.680 --> 00:19:55.839 just and just hearing certain things and all of that it's just like MM. 275 00:19:56.720 --> 00:20:00.640 But again, I already knew. I already knew. I already knew the 276 00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:08.839 fucking vibes, you know. But hm, Also, I guess motherfucker's got 277 00:20:08.839 --> 00:20:11.480 the memo to take me off the motherfucking group chat. And that's what I'm 278 00:20:11.480 --> 00:20:15.799 saying. Either y'all, y'all had to have watched the video or something. 279 00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:19.160 Y'all seen something because I'm not in the group chat. I ain't getting no 280 00:20:19.240 --> 00:20:23.440 more text messages about the mandatory met They probably didn't changed the location. I 281 00:20:23.559 --> 00:20:27.119 wasn't gonna pull up on y'all for real. I'm not that petty. However, 282 00:20:27.799 --> 00:20:33.759 y'all are petty. So today was pay day, but I was informed 283 00:20:33.799 --> 00:20:38.960 that I could come pick my check up yesterday. So I asked, what 284 00:20:40.039 --> 00:20:41.880 is the latest time that I can come? They said they was their house. 285 00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:47.240 Like okay, I'm gonna be there within thirty minutes. I get all 286 00:20:47.279 --> 00:20:52.039 the way to the motherfucking job and I'm calling like, yo, I'm here 287 00:20:52.039 --> 00:20:56.079 to get my check. Oh, I'm not on the property. What the 288 00:20:56.119 --> 00:20:59.480 fuck did you tell me to come up here? Then? Like get But 289 00:20:59.759 --> 00:21:03.440 they ended up giving me my check and then I'm there just kicking it. 290 00:21:03.480 --> 00:21:07.079 With the valet waiting on my lift and I get a call. You gotta 291 00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:11.920 get off the premises. You can't be here telling me to come pick my 292 00:21:12.000 --> 00:21:15.640 check up, and then telling me that I can't be on the premises as 293 00:21:15.640 --> 00:21:19.240 wild as fuck to me, like I'm not in this bitch burning it down. 294 00:21:19.319 --> 00:21:23.319 I'm not throwing burgers at y'all fucking ahead. But I just said okay 295 00:21:23.519 --> 00:21:27.039 and I left because again, what did I say on the last video? 296 00:21:27.480 --> 00:21:32.359 Y'all wanted me to go out that bitch classless as fuck, y'all wanted you 297 00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:33.240 know what I'm saying. Somebody was like I would have been like, no, 298 00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:37.640 that ain't why argue, why do that? I've been put out of 299 00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:40.039 better places, and I don't want to fucking be here. But also, 300 00:21:41.079 --> 00:21:44.799 I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna make a scene. I'm not 301 00:21:44.839 --> 00:21:47.960 gonna step outside of myself. I'm not gonna get out of character because I 302 00:21:48.039 --> 00:21:49.559 know that's what people want from me, just so they could be like, 303 00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:52.599 see, told you told you she was a problem. You know what I'm 304 00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:57.559 saying, that's what people want you to do. You cannot give niggas the 305 00:21:57.680 --> 00:22:00.440 ups, bro, you get No, I'm not gonna do it, so 306 00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:10.880 I left gracefully. So I think that's pretty much it with that, Like, 307 00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:15.640 you know, I really don't want to give it too much more energy. 308 00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:18.480 It's beneath me and I'm past it and I'm moving forward. I'm at 309 00:22:18.519 --> 00:22:25.519 work right now. I'm doing my job right now. So yeah, that's 310 00:22:25.720 --> 00:22:33.720 that, uh switching lanes. First of all, look at this top. 311 00:22:33.160 --> 00:22:37.240 Remember what if you've been following the podcast, y'all know that I used to 312 00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:42.079 do Freaky Fridays every fucking Friday. So I've got on my Freaky Friday shirt 313 00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:45.559 with my little nipple one. I was just saying, like, my real 314 00:22:45.640 --> 00:22:48.599 nipples are probably down here. I don't know who this shirt was made for, 315 00:22:48.680 --> 00:22:52.799 the small TD bitches, but yeah it's cute though, I guess. 316 00:22:52.039 --> 00:22:56.559 But yeah, happy Freaky Friday. So let's and if we ain't gonna get 317 00:22:56.559 --> 00:23:00.440 back into how we used to, but just real quick because this came today 318 00:23:00.440 --> 00:23:04.599 and I'm like, I'm about to bring this up. Do y'all have a 319 00:23:04.599 --> 00:23:11.480 freaky Twitter? Do y'all have a freaky Twitter? What's a freaky Twitter? 320 00:23:12.319 --> 00:23:15.400 I just learned about this this week and two people told me about this, 321 00:23:15.480 --> 00:23:18.839 So this is like really a thing. You know how y'all got fenced us 322 00:23:19.079 --> 00:23:26.200 and little fake Instagrams and all that motherfucker's got freaky twitters where it is a 323 00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:32.880 Twitter page specifically for Twitter porn. And I ain't gonna lie. I'm not 324 00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:36.480 knocking it. I understand it. I'm not knocking it. Let me tell 325 00:23:36.519 --> 00:23:38.680 you why. But I could see why somebody will also call somebody weird, 326 00:23:38.799 --> 00:23:42.400 especially maybe like a dude for doing that, but I kind of understand it. 327 00:23:42.839 --> 00:23:51.680 So a Twitter page, an anonymous Twitter page specifically for Twitter porn. 328 00:23:52.279 --> 00:23:59.640 Motherfuckers watch porn. Motherfuckers watch porn, right, so like just having a 329 00:23:59.640 --> 00:24:03.319 whole with it for all the freaky pages that you want to look at. 330 00:24:03.319 --> 00:24:06.359 And then it's not even like I understand it too, because don't nobody just 331 00:24:06.440 --> 00:24:10.880 want to watch no straight up porn like xxx dot com or whatever fucker webs 332 00:24:10.920 --> 00:24:12.359 you know what I'm saying, or porn hoob like you kind of want to 333 00:24:12.359 --> 00:24:15.720 see some real shit like and it was kind of lit. I ain't gonna 334 00:24:15.720 --> 00:24:19.079 lie, I'm like, what y'all be looking at? So, but nobody 335 00:24:19.119 --> 00:24:22.759 wants to tell me their their their page, you know what I'm saying. 336 00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:26.119 They gotta be an anonymous type thing. You know what I'm saying, You 337 00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:30.599 can't be following you your sex Twitter page from your real Twitter page, so 338 00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:33.680 it's like some real anonymous shit. But I was like, okay, I 339 00:24:33.720 --> 00:24:37.440 kind of fuck with it, but again, somebody also might look at you 340 00:24:37.519 --> 00:24:41.440 like you a fucking weirdo. You created a whole Twitter page for some sit 341 00:24:41.599 --> 00:24:45.640 like, but stop acting like y'all not some fucking horny ass animals when y'all 342 00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:49.839 are, so I kind of understand it. It was the person who sent 343 00:24:49.920 --> 00:24:52.680 me something today was like, yeah, this's I'm like, Okay, you 344 00:24:52.839 --> 00:24:59.119 into some some real freak shit. Not you think I'm a freak. I 345 00:24:59.200 --> 00:25:07.039 keep telling people like I'm very regular. I'm like very vanilla like. I'm 346 00:25:07.119 --> 00:25:11.079 just like I don't even think like I'm super freaky, Like I'm just a 347 00:25:11.160 --> 00:25:15.079 regular. My thing is I just like sex, you know what I'm saying. 348 00:25:15.240 --> 00:25:18.359 Like, and I you know, I do anything with my dude, 349 00:25:18.400 --> 00:25:22.119 I guess, but I'm not like just into no super freaky kinky shit. 350 00:25:22.559 --> 00:25:26.119 But I fuck, I kind of fuck with the with the with the with 351 00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:30.039 the freaky Twitter like I didn't make one. I don't think I'm gonna go 352 00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:33.519 that far, but it was cool. Nobody wanted to share with me their 353 00:25:33.559 --> 00:25:37.319 personal page. But that's the thing. So let me know if y'all got 354 00:25:37.319 --> 00:25:47.480 a freaky Twitter, like I knew y'all was freaks for real? What else? 355 00:25:56.559 --> 00:26:07.119 What makes you block someone? What do y'all blocklists look like? Let 356 00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:15.039 me pull up my different blocklist. Let's see. So we have the the 357 00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:23.400 cell phone blocked list, which none of y'all motherfuckers is available for parole. 358 00:26:26.359 --> 00:26:36.359 Let me see really for me, what makes you block someone? I block, 359 00:26:37.440 --> 00:26:41.720 first of all, definitely gotta block the little like the little spam like 360 00:26:41.960 --> 00:26:45.279 messages that come to your phone, like the fake FedEx, Like how do 361 00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:52.240 y'all even begin my shit? Block that shit too? But irritate you as 362 00:26:52.400 --> 00:26:57.440 niggas I don't know, But no, for me, I'm blocking someone to 363 00:26:57.519 --> 00:27:07.200 protect my piece, blocking to protect my piece. I don't block people a 364 00:27:07.240 --> 00:27:11.839 lot like you gotta be like, I gotta be into it with you when 365 00:27:11.880 --> 00:27:17.319 you just being super fucking irritating, like maybe you're calling back to back to 366 00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:19.440 back to back, you know what I'm saying, or like on some just 367 00:27:19.559 --> 00:27:23.839 what I don't know. I don't block people a lot, but I block 368 00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:33.880 to protect my peace. I ain't even gonna say that one because you can't 369 00:27:33.880 --> 00:27:37.160 give motherfuckers too much credit. But I don't blocked some people before in my 370 00:27:37.319 --> 00:27:41.680 day, and my thing is too like I'm big on I'll let the motherfucker 371 00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:45.359 have a conversation with themselves for so fucking long. And I don't want nobody 372 00:27:45.440 --> 00:27:49.279 think I'm specifically because this person don't even know who the fuck I'm I'm talking 373 00:27:49.279 --> 00:27:53.160 about somebody specific and wouldn't They wouldn't even know I was talking about them. 374 00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:59.759 But and it's it's it's a female, it's a girl like but with people 375 00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:03.240 peer period, I will let you have a conversation with yourself so you could 376 00:28:03.279 --> 00:28:07.279 just look dumb as fuck like you know, but yeah, to protect my 377 00:28:07.400 --> 00:28:14.960 piece now on social media, I would say, I don't know, I 378 00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:18.279 block anybody that look like a fake page, like bitch, come come look 379 00:28:18.319 --> 00:28:23.559 at my shit from your real page, come real page. Any weirdos again, 380 00:28:23.759 --> 00:28:26.799 Dudes that just be irritating or you don't fuck with no more or something 381 00:28:26.839 --> 00:28:34.640 like that, And it's like, uh um, I had a blocker, 382 00:28:34.759 --> 00:28:38.200 dude, because I don't like when people play dumb, like if you're gonna 383 00:28:38.200 --> 00:28:41.519 try to get on or whatever. Just do that. You ain't gotta be 384 00:28:41.559 --> 00:28:48.359 a fucking weird though. If I'm posting all the time every day, everybody 385 00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:51.039 knows that I'm in Dallas right now. You know what I'm saying. My 386 00:28:51.160 --> 00:28:53.599 location be tagged on a lot of my shit. You know I'm in fucking 387 00:28:53.680 --> 00:28:57.000 Dallas. So one day somebody go DM me. Uh I was, I 388 00:28:57.160 --> 00:29:00.599 was taking a video in the beauty supply, was like, oh, why 389 00:29:00.680 --> 00:29:08.119 that looked like Dallas? It is Dallas? Oh how long you been you 390 00:29:08.119 --> 00:29:12.279 look at my shit every fucking day? Block because because you should have. 391 00:29:12.400 --> 00:29:15.920 Just you better learn how to do a pickup line or something. Sorry, 392 00:29:15.960 --> 00:29:18.559 And then came and follow me on TikTok. I'm like, you're a fucking 393 00:29:18.680 --> 00:29:29.720 creep, but yeah, blocking to protect my piece to fake pages. Mmmmm 394 00:29:30.519 --> 00:29:41.599 niggasdad lost they chance? Itch is that I really should have knocked your head. 395 00:29:45.519 --> 00:29:51.880 Family members blocked? Uh who else? So here this is the Instagram 396 00:29:51.920 --> 00:30:02.119 block list family members. This one was always really weird to me. It 397 00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:06.200 was a pa it ain't on there no more. There was a page and 398 00:30:06.279 --> 00:30:07.680 I'm not saying that it's him. I don't think it's him, but it 399 00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:15.480 was also very weird. It was a page that had my baby daddy's number 400 00:30:15.640 --> 00:30:19.160 in the bio. It didn't have no followers or nothing, but it was 401 00:30:19.839 --> 00:30:23.160 blocked. And again I'm not saying it was him, but that was always 402 00:30:23.319 --> 00:30:30.880 very weird to me. Weird as him. Yeah, I don't know, 403 00:30:32.200 --> 00:30:36.160 the Instagram goes kind of crazy. Fuck, so yeah, just to protect 404 00:30:36.200 --> 00:30:41.880 my piece and then I'll be seeing the shit on like the Internet where be 405 00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:45.559 like, oh, dudes, be blocking girls? You real sassy, like, 406 00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:48.599 no, protect your piece? Can't You could block a bitch because bitches 407 00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:55.160 be irritating as hell. Bitches be Oh my god, bitches are so petty 408 00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:59.440 and they're so irritating, and especially ones that run off at the fucking mouth. 409 00:30:59.440 --> 00:31:06.359 I will block bitch quick like. Anybody that disturbs your piece needs to 410 00:31:06.440 --> 00:31:14.839 get blocked and deserves it. So that's it for that. I think let's 411 00:31:14.839 --> 00:31:19.559 get into some more shadow work conversations with the inner self. I got this 412 00:31:19.599 --> 00:31:25.440 from the TikTok shop. I was actually looking up some other things like but 413 00:31:25.519 --> 00:31:29.480 really, what I really need to do? I really need to uh come 414 00:31:29.559 --> 00:31:32.440 up with my like my own questions and shit. And that's another thing, 415 00:31:32.519 --> 00:31:34.559 like even for like journals and all of that and journal prompts. I really 416 00:31:34.640 --> 00:31:37.119 need to come up with my own shit. But I'm like, I like 417 00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:48.759 doing this. I like reading from here. Childhood trauma. What experiences did 418 00:31:48.759 --> 00:31:53.720 you have as a child that impacted you in a negative way? Why was 419 00:31:53.759 --> 00:31:59.279 this so traumatic? Immediately? Immediately, And my dad is gonna tell me 420 00:31:59.400 --> 00:32:04.759 that I make this up? Gaslight me, please, What experience did I 421 00:32:04.759 --> 00:32:07.079 have as a child that impacted me in a negative way? Why was it 422 00:32:07.119 --> 00:32:12.000 so traumatic? He gonna be mad, But I'm telling I mean, I've 423 00:32:12.039 --> 00:32:17.319 already told this story before. But my dad was always in toxic relationships, 424 00:32:17.880 --> 00:32:22.039 always, always, always, always I'm talking about well, I don't want 425 00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:25.319 to say always, it was just one in particular that was just super fucking 426 00:32:25.400 --> 00:32:31.279 toxic. And I mean like they used to argue and fight all the fucking 427 00:32:31.559 --> 00:32:36.640 time. Like, and my thing is as a kid, that shit is 428 00:32:36.680 --> 00:32:42.000 scary, you know what I'm saying, Like to see people fighting to like 429 00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:45.880 be at each other's day. My dad and my stepmm were both police officers 430 00:32:46.000 --> 00:32:51.920 that had pistols. Okay, got the strap in the house, and y'all 431 00:32:51.960 --> 00:32:57.480 going, I'm talking like pulling guns Like that's traumatic, that's scary. As 432 00:32:57.519 --> 00:33:00.200 fuck, you know what I'm saying, And just even if it wasn't that 433 00:33:00.279 --> 00:33:05.599 deep, like just as a kid watching your parents argue and fight, like 434 00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:10.200 and just not knowing where it's gonna go, that shit is scary as fuck. 435 00:33:12.480 --> 00:33:16.000 Have you ever been into an argument or a crazy like a crazy situation 436 00:33:16.079 --> 00:33:22.200 with a dude? You get to feeling unsafe, like you don't know what's 437 00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:27.559 gonna happen. Like it's a very scary and traumatic feeling. So yeah, 438 00:33:28.440 --> 00:33:31.680 that definitely impacted me in a negative way. That's why I don't like confrontation. 439 00:33:31.839 --> 00:33:35.079 That's why I don't like to argue. You know what I'm saying, 440 00:33:35.160 --> 00:33:38.200 Like, I don't like that shit at all. And I don't ever want 441 00:33:38.200 --> 00:33:45.200 to feel unsafe in no situation period. And as a woman, you know, 442 00:33:45.400 --> 00:33:46.799 I don't ever want to be in a relationship like that. I would 443 00:33:46.799 --> 00:33:52.359 never want my child to see that. It's very traumatic. Admiration. What 444 00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:55.519 traits do you admire in others? Could these be? I feel like I 445 00:33:55.720 --> 00:33:59.440 answered that when I was talking about the science. Last time I tried to, 446 00:33:59.480 --> 00:34:00.440 I went through an I took some of the ones out that I did 447 00:34:01.039 --> 00:34:07.559 last time. But in her child, in your childhood, what did you 448 00:34:07.679 --> 00:34:12.760 not receive? How has this impacted you? So? One thing that I 449 00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:16.559 read online one time was that whatever your love language is is whatever you lacked 450 00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:19.920 as a kid, and I was like, damn, that's pretty good. 451 00:34:20.599 --> 00:34:25.280 So you know, there are five love languages. My top two are words 452 00:34:25.320 --> 00:34:32.440 of affirmation and quality time. Best believe, motherfuckers wasn't affirming me. Best 453 00:34:32.480 --> 00:34:37.599 believe I an't get on quality time with my parents. So and those are 454 00:34:37.639 --> 00:34:38.599 the things that I like. I want you to affirm me. I want 455 00:34:38.599 --> 00:34:42.159 you to reassure me all the time. I want you to tell me x 456 00:34:42.239 --> 00:34:43.800 Y and Z. I want you to tell me that you love me. 457 00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:45.840 I want you to you know what I'm saying. I want you to tell 458 00:34:45.880 --> 00:34:52.679 me all of the things. And then quality time Like I do like going 459 00:34:52.719 --> 00:34:57.480 out and shit, but I like chilling and I like quality time with my 460 00:34:57.559 --> 00:35:00.079 man. I want your undivided attention. I want like, I just want 461 00:35:00.079 --> 00:35:02.079 to be with you. I want to lay up under you. I want 462 00:35:02.079 --> 00:35:04.920 to talk to you. You know what I'm saying. I don't want you 463 00:35:04.960 --> 00:35:07.239 scrawling on your motherfucking phone all night. I don't want you like you know 464 00:35:07.239 --> 00:35:10.559 what I'm saying. Like, I really like quality of time. But that's 465 00:35:10.599 --> 00:35:15.760 also something that I didn't really have as a child when I think about it, 466 00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:21.039 Like I told you, I was really raised by my daddy. He 467 00:35:21.159 --> 00:35:23.400 was like always in relationships and shit, but they were either always at work. 468 00:35:23.880 --> 00:35:27.800 My dad was like a professional bowler on the side, so he will 469 00:35:27.840 --> 00:35:32.239 always be bowling or going to bowling competitions, uh, or be at the 470 00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:38.320 motherfucking balloon saloon at night. And it's so funny because that's like the spot 471 00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:42.039 now for all the people my age, like niggas be at the balloon salon. 472 00:35:42.599 --> 00:35:45.960 Uh. He would be there when I was in high school or they 473 00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:50.920 just was never fucking there. And then another thing was like when I was 474 00:35:50.920 --> 00:35:54.079 in middle school, they was never at home. And that's and I had 475 00:35:54.079 --> 00:35:58.360 a stepsister that was two years older than me, and I ain't gonna lie, 476 00:35:58.400 --> 00:36:00.960 that's how I kind of like. She was older than me, and 477 00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:02.559 you know what I'm saying, she had niggas and shit, she was inviting 478 00:36:02.599 --> 00:36:06.239 niggas over to the crib. So that's kind of how it's like, I'm 479 00:36:06.239 --> 00:36:07.559 like, Okay, well I'm gonna to invite my boyfriend over, and like 480 00:36:08.280 --> 00:36:14.199 that's just how it was like cause my fucking parents. Was never at home, 481 00:36:14.400 --> 00:36:16.559 y'all, was never around, so Doug and I ain't gonna lie. 482 00:36:16.559 --> 00:36:23.280 My daddy definitely came home one time when my boyfriend was at the house and 483 00:36:23.519 --> 00:36:25.840 he was like, what is he doing here? I'm like, we was 484 00:36:25.880 --> 00:36:39.199 working on our black Planet page. Bro. Yeah, yeah, so need 485 00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:45.440 to be with your kids period. The color of what color is your anxiety? 486 00:36:45.519 --> 00:36:58.559 And why hm hm my anxiety, I'm gonna say red. And when 487 00:36:58.599 --> 00:37:01.000 I just thought about anxiety, I was thinking about y'all know. I talked 488 00:37:01.000 --> 00:37:06.639 about this on the podcast before, like before I started doing yoga. What 489 00:37:06.719 --> 00:37:09.519 really kind of inspired me to start doing yoga was I had fainted twice. 490 00:37:10.480 --> 00:37:15.480 I had went to this little like outdoor festival with my homegirl and her homegirl, 491 00:37:15.239 --> 00:37:21.559 and granted I did. We was hot boxing in the car and then 492 00:37:21.599 --> 00:37:24.679 when we got out we smoked again. But I don't really think it was 493 00:37:24.800 --> 00:37:28.599 just that because I was dealing with a lot. Yeah, I'm telling y'all, 494 00:37:28.639 --> 00:37:31.559 it was a lot of stress and anxiety and shit it was I feel 495 00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:34.760 like it was the summer it was hot outside or with it, but I 496 00:37:34.760 --> 00:37:37.079 don't know it. But I don't think it was just because I smoked. 497 00:37:37.119 --> 00:37:42.159 I don't know, but I fainted twice, hit my head on the concrete. 498 00:37:44.679 --> 00:37:47.880 And but and this is how I know it wasn't just that, because 499 00:37:47.880 --> 00:37:52.719 I kept having those feelings even after that, after that happened. Like I 500 00:37:52.719 --> 00:37:54.599 remember one time, I had went back to work right after that, and 501 00:37:54.719 --> 00:37:57.760 I was at work one day and I was like, fuck, I'm starting 502 00:37:57.760 --> 00:38:00.360 to feel like it again. And I was I don't know, it was 503 00:38:00.400 --> 00:38:02.760 a lot of anxiety. I was just dealing with a lot and I, 504 00:38:04.079 --> 00:38:07.239 man, it's not a good feeling. Matter of fact, one of my 505 00:38:07.239 --> 00:38:07.840 homegirls I just talked to her. She was like, man, I feel 506 00:38:07.880 --> 00:38:10.840 like I was about to have a panic attack the other day. That shit 507 00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:15.280 is scary as fuck to really experience that. Like, but I just say, 508 00:38:15.360 --> 00:38:17.880 red, that's just the color that I popped in my head because it's 509 00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:24.239 like red makes me think of like alert alert, Like, so, yeah, 510 00:38:25.239 --> 00:38:30.440 anxiety is no fucking fun. Disappointment. Think about a time when someone 511 00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:37.679 you looked up to disappointed you. What were your expectations? All these bitches 512 00:38:37.760 --> 00:38:40.639 is my son? So I was like, no, who do I look 513 00:38:40.719 --> 00:38:49.960 up to that disappointed me? Who do I look up to that disappointed me? 514 00:38:54.559 --> 00:38:59.239 I don't want to throw him under the bus again. Sorry, Dad, 515 00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:00.920 but you're the only when it comes to my mind, I don't know 516 00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:07.639 who do I look up to? That disappointing mem I'm sorry, I'm just 517 00:39:07.639 --> 00:39:09.679 gonna throw you under the bus. It gotta be him, and y'all know 518 00:39:09.719 --> 00:39:15.159 why, just because I'm just not not a fan of the way that he 519 00:39:15.199 --> 00:39:21.800 treated women. M no fears. If you had no doubts, no worries, 520 00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:24.440 or no fears of the unknown, what would you do? What would 521 00:39:24.440 --> 00:39:28.880 you do if you weren't afraid? I would do every fucking thing. I 522 00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:32.039 would do every if I wasn't afraid of anything, if I wasn't scared, 523 00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:35.639 if I did Oh, how'ma do this? Homma get the money to do 524 00:39:35.719 --> 00:39:39.159 this? What? Like? I'll be jumping off the mountain, just living 525 00:39:39.159 --> 00:39:45.480 in my dreams. And it's so crazy because you actually can do all of 526 00:39:45.519 --> 00:39:49.039 those things. Whatever it is that you want to do, whatever you see 527 00:39:49.079 --> 00:39:52.760 for yourself, whatever the vision is, you can absolutely do your thing those 528 00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:55.679 things. We are the only things, or you know, we are the 529 00:39:55.719 --> 00:40:02.599 only people that hold ourselves back. Is it's the self limiting beliefs, It's 530 00:40:02.679 --> 00:40:07.320 the mind frame, it's all of that, or it's not having the you 531 00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:09.280 know, feeling like you don't have the tools or the resources to do something. 532 00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:12.639 You could do whatever the fuck you want to do. When I first 533 00:40:12.679 --> 00:40:16.400 started doing my podcast, mind Job, I've been doing this shit for six 534 00:40:16.480 --> 00:40:21.639 years, but the entire time that I've been recording my podcast, I was 535 00:40:21.679 --> 00:40:23.199 doing that shit off my phone. Motherfuckers used to be like, you record 536 00:40:23.280 --> 00:40:27.440 this off your phone. If y'all go back to the episodes and listen to 537 00:40:27.480 --> 00:40:30.840 the little ad that comes on in the beginning I'm talking about. I'm recording 538 00:40:30.840 --> 00:40:36.960 my podcast at home in my bed on anchor. I literally used to be 539 00:40:37.000 --> 00:40:38.800 at the crib in the bed recording podcasts straight off my phone. I never 540 00:40:38.840 --> 00:40:43.119 had a mic. I didn't have a fucking camera. But that's why I'm 541 00:40:43.119 --> 00:40:45.719 doing this now, because I want to elevate my shit, and I feel 542 00:40:45.800 --> 00:40:50.440 like it's time to get the YouTube and the visual popping, Like I want 543 00:40:50.440 --> 00:40:52.000 to look professional as fuck, I want you know what I'm saying, It's 544 00:40:52.039 --> 00:40:54.960 time to do something different. And also I feel like video is better. 545 00:40:55.440 --> 00:40:59.280 I mean, audio is cool if you're in the car or whatever, or 546 00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:01.119 if you just listen and while you clean up the hot, but like I 547 00:41:01.239 --> 00:41:04.800 like to watch shit for real, you know what I'm saying. I feel 548 00:41:04.800 --> 00:41:07.039 like it makes you connect deeper with the person too, And you could put 549 00:41:07.039 --> 00:41:09.840 a face with a voice, so it's like damn and it's hurt. Oh 550 00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:16.800 that's hurt. Fine ass? Yeah, So whatever lies? What do you 551 00:41:17.000 --> 00:41:25.639 often lie about? Uh? I often lie about. I feel like an 552 00:41:25.679 --> 00:41:29.639 easy one for every look at me trying to throw on everybody. I feel 553 00:41:29.639 --> 00:41:31.880 like an easy one. Is like on a daily when people like, hey, 554 00:41:31.920 --> 00:41:37.440 how you doing, I'm good you I should really just start stopping. 555 00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:40.920 Motherfucker's like, actually I'm laid on this bill d D. Don't get like 556 00:41:42.119 --> 00:41:44.960 you know what I'm saying, I'm good, but shit like that when you 557 00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:46.559 tell people I'm good, you know, I never really want to be a 558 00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:52.320 burden of people. Or I think a lie that I often tell is like 559 00:41:53.639 --> 00:41:58.239 I'm just not one hundred percent about how I feel about something. It's just 560 00:41:58.360 --> 00:42:01.800 like whatever, Like I'm straight, Like, bitch, no you're not. 561 00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:07.920 You're mad as fucked putting yourself last? Where are you putting yourself last? 562 00:42:08.119 --> 00:42:13.599 Why did you put aside your own needs? Baby? I'll talk about this 563 00:42:13.639 --> 00:42:15.480 all the time. I always put myself last. And that's why I'm in 564 00:42:15.559 --> 00:42:21.119 the last place right now in life, because I always put myself last. 565 00:42:21.280 --> 00:42:29.360 And I think that it's a hard thing for women to understand because we always 566 00:42:29.400 --> 00:42:32.440 want to be everything to everybody else, especially if you're a mother or if 567 00:42:32.480 --> 00:42:36.440 you're a wife or wom and I'm not that, but I am a mom, 568 00:42:36.679 --> 00:42:39.480 so you know, it's like you put everybody else's knees above your own. 569 00:42:39.960 --> 00:42:45.559 You gotta be all of these things at once. And that's why we 570 00:42:45.639 --> 00:42:49.320 need to get back to a place where women can really just be in a 571 00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:53.480 soft girl, feminine the era for real, because like women should not have 572 00:42:53.519 --> 00:42:59.960 to work as hard as we do. We be in our masculine energy alive. 573 00:43:00.559 --> 00:43:05.440 And actually I took a little screenshot of something that I saw, I 574 00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:12.039 think it was on Twitter. It said, yeah, women aren't designed to 575 00:43:12.159 --> 00:43:15.679 handle a lot of stress. We can handle it because we are smart and 576 00:43:15.719 --> 00:43:21.159 responsible and capable despite what toxic masculinity says. But our bodies can't. Our 577 00:43:21.199 --> 00:43:24.280 bodies and our hormones aren't designed to handle a lot of stress. Being burnt 578 00:43:24.280 --> 00:43:28.079 out as a woman is also different than being burnt out as a man. 579 00:43:28.400 --> 00:43:31.079 The physical, mental, and emotional symptoms are different. Stress affects us differently, 580 00:43:31.679 --> 00:43:37.199 Like, for real, we be having a and that's the thing. 581 00:43:37.119 --> 00:43:39.760 Then y'all like, well, y'all want to be equal. I never said 582 00:43:39.760 --> 00:43:43.000 I wanted to be equal to a man. I don't want to have to 583 00:43:43.000 --> 00:43:45.639 go to work to go get the make it and bring it home, cook 584 00:43:45.679 --> 00:43:49.599 the dinner, uh fucking feed the kids, get everything together, you know 585 00:43:49.639 --> 00:43:52.400 what I'm saying, Because dudes come home and that's I know a lot of 586 00:43:52.559 --> 00:43:57.519 I know a lot of married single women for real, that's not talked about 587 00:43:57.519 --> 00:44:00.159 a lot, And I'll save that for you know, somebody else gotta come 588 00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.000 speak on that, because that ain't my life. But I know a lot 589 00:44:01.039 --> 00:44:05.320 of merried single women that you know, they gotta get up and go to 590 00:44:05.360 --> 00:44:07.199 work too. Then you gotta come home and deal with the kids by yourself, 591 00:44:07.519 --> 00:44:12.880 cook dinner, help with homework, clean the house. All that still 592 00:44:13.199 --> 00:44:16.719 fucking nigga sucks. You gotta do everything, and it's like, damn, 593 00:44:17.000 --> 00:44:22.719 I'm burnt out. Help me like and men just feel like, oh, 594 00:44:22.719 --> 00:44:28.400 I just gotta go to work and go provide for the family. They don't 595 00:44:28.440 --> 00:44:34.360 believe in being an emotional support to the kids. Having emotional guidance for the 596 00:44:34.440 --> 00:44:37.159 kids. Raising the kids. Oh, here's the money, go take Like 597 00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:40.400 what you gonna take them to the games? You go do that. You 598 00:44:40.440 --> 00:44:45.079 take them to the doctor's appointments. You be up all night while they sick. 599 00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:46.440 You be a nurse, You cook dinner, You do this. You 600 00:44:46.800 --> 00:44:51.239 then, but we want to come home, have my dinner cooked. House 601 00:44:51.320 --> 00:44:54.000 better be cleaned. But this bitch just worked forty hours a week too. 602 00:45:02.440 --> 00:45:07.519 Put yourself first. Okay, if your job is on that bullshit, put 603 00:45:07.599 --> 00:45:10.199 yourself first. If your man is on that bullshit, put yourself first. 604 00:45:10.719 --> 00:45:15.760 Like, stop being everything to everybody else. Put yourself first. Inner conflict, 605 00:45:15.880 --> 00:45:29.199 What is your greatest inner conflict? Mm? My greatest inner conflict, 606 00:45:32.960 --> 00:45:37.920 I would say, like my negative self talking, just my self sabotaged, 607 00:45:37.199 --> 00:45:44.000 like and I really noticed it in the past, Like I remember, I 608 00:45:44.000 --> 00:45:46.800 don't even know what New Year it was, maybe like twenty thirteen or fourteen 609 00:45:46.920 --> 00:45:50.960 or something, And I remember I'll selling myself like i'm'a work out and da 610 00:45:51.039 --> 00:45:53.079 da da da. I remember it wasn't even fuck. I don't even think 611 00:45:53.119 --> 00:45:57.360 it was like New Year's even I was already talking myself out of be like 612 00:45:57.360 --> 00:45:59.400 girl, you can't do it. You ain't about to get up and work 613 00:45:59.400 --> 00:46:02.320 out every like, That's what I'm saying, Like, you gotta talk to 614 00:46:02.360 --> 00:46:08.559 yourself nice. But I would say that's the greatest inner conflict censorshit What causes 615 00:46:08.599 --> 00:46:17.400 you to conceal or censor yourself? Audience? Maybe depends on who it is, 616 00:46:17.519 --> 00:46:22.480 you know what I'm saying. You gotta adapt to certain environments, you 617 00:46:22.480 --> 00:46:25.079 know what I'm saying, Or you gotta be a chameleon in certain places. 618 00:46:27.199 --> 00:46:31.440 So I guess it just depends on who I'm around. I feel like I 619 00:46:31.519 --> 00:46:36.679 kind of answered that one last time, just the same thing. Self talk. 620 00:46:36.760 --> 00:46:38.960 How do you speak to yourself when you're angry with yourself? Does it 621 00:46:39.000 --> 00:46:45.599 different from how you speak to yourself when you're angry with other people? Hmm? 622 00:46:46.920 --> 00:46:52.480 How do I speak to myself when I'm angry? I'm a mean ass 623 00:46:52.519 --> 00:46:55.800 bitch to myself. I'm not gonna lie like I be so hard on myself. 624 00:46:57.960 --> 00:47:00.559 I be so hard on myself. But I catch myself like as of 625 00:47:00.599 --> 00:47:06.199 recently, I catch myself like sometimes I can't even think I know it was 626 00:47:06.239 --> 00:47:08.719 something I said to myself in in the bathroom in the morning the other day 627 00:47:08.719 --> 00:47:13.159 I said something like, I like, but it's funny cause I talk in 628 00:47:13.159 --> 00:47:16.760 a very jokingly type manner. Anyway. I'm a like a joky type person, 629 00:47:16.800 --> 00:47:19.920 so like I kind of be playing, but I kind of be for 630 00:47:19.960 --> 00:47:22.679 real. So sometimes I be like, you a dumb ass bitch, like 631 00:47:22.760 --> 00:47:24.400 I'm jazzing. Don't talk to yourself like that. You are very smart. 632 00:47:24.440 --> 00:47:29.800 You are intelligent. You are very intellectual. Like you gotta catch yourself or 633 00:47:29.840 --> 00:47:31.039 maybe you know, it might be a bad hair day or whatever you feel, 634 00:47:31.039 --> 00:47:32.800 you know, not feeling like you look at your cute it's like, 635 00:47:32.840 --> 00:47:36.159 oh my god, I look ugly as fuck today, Like, bitch, 636 00:47:36.199 --> 00:47:37.639 you bad as hell. Look at you? You fight like, so you 637 00:47:37.639 --> 00:47:45.719 gotta catch yourself. Oh but that's not angry. But still whatever, when 638 00:47:45.719 --> 00:47:52.960 I'm angry with myself, I don't. I'm trying to think of the last 639 00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:59.280 time that I was really angry with myself. I don't feel like I be 640 00:47:59.519 --> 00:48:02.280 angry with myself, like I'll be mad, like you did some dumb ass 641 00:48:02.280 --> 00:48:08.039 shit. It's really just it'd be a constant just dwelling and dragging on it, 642 00:48:08.159 --> 00:48:12.159 like why the fuck did you do that? You did that? Now 643 00:48:12.239 --> 00:48:14.840 this, now, this, now, this, you know what I'm saying, 644 00:48:14.960 --> 00:48:20.159 But you're human, get over it. Does it different from how you 645 00:48:20.199 --> 00:48:24.800 speak to yourself when you're angry with other people? Again, I'm just not 646 00:48:24.840 --> 00:48:29.079 really an angry type person, you know what I'm saying. It really takes 647 00:48:29.079 --> 00:48:34.320 a lot for me to get angry. Uh and even still, like I 648 00:48:34.440 --> 00:48:38.840 really just be holding back. I probably would be easier on somebody else than 649 00:48:38.880 --> 00:48:45.440 I am on myself, which is crazy, very crazy stopping freedom? What 650 00:48:45.599 --> 00:48:57.960 is stopping you from experiencing freedom? Mindset? Just the fear of not knowing 651 00:48:58.000 --> 00:49:01.960 what's on the other side of stuff, not being a risk taker, which 652 00:49:02.000 --> 00:49:07.000 actually I am out of took some risks, okay, and then you didn't 653 00:49:07.039 --> 00:49:09.119 moved across the country a couple of times. So I feel like I'm definitely 654 00:49:09.199 --> 00:49:16.360 taking risks, But uh, it really just be mindset. Enterteen. Who 655 00:49:16.400 --> 00:49:22.440 were your favorite teachers and why this is a good one. Let's stroll back 656 00:49:22.480 --> 00:49:31.199 down memory lane my favorite teachers. I don't know how far back can I 657 00:49:31.239 --> 00:49:40.239 go. Um, I don't remember kindergarten, first grade. I think my 658 00:49:40.320 --> 00:49:45.440 third grade teacher was MSUs Moore. Elementary'all went to uh Saint Mary's. 659 00:49:45.880 --> 00:49:51.119 It was a Catholic school in Detroit. It was a lot of black people 660 00:49:51.119 --> 00:49:52.480 though. It was a lot of black kids. And it's so funny. 661 00:49:52.519 --> 00:49:59.480 I still, like, I still talk to ev not everybody, but like 662 00:49:59.559 --> 00:50:01.840 I'm still friends with everybody on Instagram that I went to elementary with, like 663 00:50:02.719 --> 00:50:08.199 still Ganggang. Fourth grade, I think her name was missus Snyder. Nobody 664 00:50:08.320 --> 00:50:14.400 liked her. Uh you know what's funny too, Like on TikTok and social 665 00:50:14.440 --> 00:50:17.079 media now, everybody like the teachers be fine as hell. Now. Back 666 00:50:17.079 --> 00:50:21.800 in the day, them them teachers was ugly as hell. I don't want 667 00:50:21.800 --> 00:50:23.519 a body shame, but y'all just would They wasn't cute, you know what 668 00:50:23.559 --> 00:50:27.400 I'm saying. They was old as hell. Fourth grade was Miss Snyder. 669 00:50:27.519 --> 00:50:31.079 Fifth grade was Miss Rogavon. I liked her, uh oh and okay so, 670 00:50:31.199 --> 00:50:37.239 and that was still elementary. That was when I was at a damn 671 00:50:37.280 --> 00:50:44.800 what was the name of the fucking school? Adler Adler Elementary. I had 672 00:50:44.840 --> 00:50:49.760 missus Rogamont for fifth grade, but I wanted to be in missus Dean's class 673 00:50:49.800 --> 00:50:52.840 so bad. She was a black teacher, Like everybody was in her class 674 00:50:52.840 --> 00:50:54.480 too. And I still talked to all the kids that went to Ayler like 675 00:50:54.559 --> 00:51:00.400 we are friends on Instagram too. Sixth grade obviously, you know, that's 676 00:51:00.440 --> 00:51:07.079 when you got like seven classes, so I don't really remember. Oh I 677 00:51:07.559 --> 00:51:13.199 remember missus uh, Missus Devers. That was the gym teacher, and I 678 00:51:13.199 --> 00:51:20.400 think she was the track coach too. I remember in eighth grade rest in 679 00:51:20.440 --> 00:51:27.800 Peace Chris King that was my first boyfriend and eight grade baby. He had 680 00:51:27.840 --> 00:51:30.719 me doing everything. I joined the track team for him, and a bitch 681 00:51:30.840 --> 00:51:35.920 was not a runner at all, okay, doing fucking I was. I 682 00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:39.039 don't even remember what I was running, but joining the track team for him. 683 00:51:40.159 --> 00:51:45.960 We skipped I was skipping school rest in Peace Tierra too. Tierra Tierra 684 00:51:45.079 --> 00:51:47.880 was if y'all know, y'all know, but for the people that doesn't know, 685 00:51:49.159 --> 00:51:54.679 Chris was my boyfriend in eighth grade and Tierra is his niece and she 686 00:51:54.840 --> 00:52:00.559 also RP. It was bad as fuck. I told you all. My 687 00:52:00.559 --> 00:52:06.599 middle school was just bad as fuck. Yeah, we was skipping school. 688 00:52:06.679 --> 00:52:09.320 I got caught when I skipped school because you know, they call home and 689 00:52:09.440 --> 00:52:15.920 left the little voicemail. We went to the mall and shit. But I 690 00:52:15.960 --> 00:52:19.440 think that was probably the only that's the only time I remember skipping school. 691 00:52:19.440 --> 00:52:21.880 I wasn't really on it like that, but no, I was gonna say 692 00:52:21.880 --> 00:52:25.920 about miss Devors. Uh. It made me think about it because one day 693 00:52:25.920 --> 00:52:31.320 we did. Me and Chris got caught kissing. We was in gym class. 694 00:52:31.400 --> 00:52:35.519 It was like a little free free Friday or whatever. We could just 695 00:52:35.559 --> 00:52:37.960 do whatever you wanted. We was like up in the little weight room and 696 00:52:37.000 --> 00:52:40.599 we was kissing. We got caught. Uh, I really did you know 697 00:52:40.639 --> 00:52:46.639 what? I really wish I would have pursued back then, gymnastics. I 698 00:52:46.719 --> 00:52:50.679 used to love the uneven bars. We had, like the uneven bars in 699 00:52:50.679 --> 00:52:54.039 the gym, and I used to love man. I wish I would have 700 00:52:54.079 --> 00:53:00.920 been cold. Now a bitch can't even do a pull up. But yeah, 701 00:53:00.000 --> 00:53:04.639 let's see high school up high school now. Some of my teacher, 702 00:53:04.679 --> 00:53:07.239 some of my high school teachers ended up getting in trouble for fucking with the 703 00:53:07.280 --> 00:53:14.039 students. I feel like, ah, I remember all the girls thought mister 704 00:53:14.039 --> 00:53:17.480 Peterson was fine as hell, little fine ass, dark skinned, ball headed 705 00:53:17.559 --> 00:53:23.239 due He was fine. Mister Peterson was fine. Mister McLaren was fine. 706 00:53:23.519 --> 00:53:30.079 He was a white dude with a tongue green. I don't know who else, 707 00:53:34.199 --> 00:53:37.119 I don't know it was all missus Seaboard. I loved missus Seaboard. 708 00:53:37.119 --> 00:53:45.760 That was the foods teacher. We had foods and she was the UH contemporary 709 00:53:45.800 --> 00:53:50.719 life issues teacher. We had a and for our senior year, we had 710 00:53:50.719 --> 00:53:53.599 to make this little booklet thing about this about our senior year and shit that 711 00:53:53.639 --> 00:53:57.559 we would remember later on in life. I ain't I don't have a book 712 00:53:57.599 --> 00:54:01.480 no more, but I had it for a long time, and I wish 713 00:54:01.840 --> 00:54:05.119 she had this little thing she would make us say at the end of class. 714 00:54:05.199 --> 00:54:07.039 I don't remember it. I only remember about five words. Listen, 715 00:54:08.079 --> 00:54:14.880 Please remember when you drive today, I know, like Kristen or somebody else 716 00:54:14.960 --> 00:54:21.239 know it. Please remember when you drive today. Something about where your seat 717 00:54:21.280 --> 00:54:24.639 belts, haste makes waste. I don't know, it's real choppy. I 718 00:54:24.679 --> 00:54:32.719 don't remember it. Uh, those who those who failed the plan, playing 719 00:54:32.800 --> 00:54:42.280 the field, something about haang. I wish I remembered it. Something about 720 00:54:42.480 --> 00:54:54.360 uh like greate minds, mediocre minds and something greape minds talk about. I 721 00:54:54.360 --> 00:54:58.360 don't know, idea, I don't know whatever, but I wish I would 722 00:54:58.360 --> 00:55:02.440 have remembered it. Probably something good to to remember and be saying every day 723 00:55:02.480 --> 00:55:07.400 now. UH. And who was the other what was the miss Trupiano? 724 00:55:07.639 --> 00:55:09.559 She was a food seacher too. She was always really not she had a 725 00:55:09.559 --> 00:55:14.559 real squeaky voice. Uh. I liked her. Coach Flerity, the gym 726 00:55:14.639 --> 00:55:17.639 coach, the football coach. He fucked with me heavy, probably because my 727 00:55:17.679 --> 00:55:21.920 brothers went to the same Like my brothers are six years older than me, 728 00:55:21.960 --> 00:55:25.199 but they went to girls too, And it's so cracky. That's how you 729 00:55:25.280 --> 00:55:30.960 know, Like I get bitch, is gonna love my brothers to the day 730 00:55:31.000 --> 00:55:34.840 they die, Like when I tell you, like I said, we six 731 00:55:34.920 --> 00:55:40.440 years apart. So my brothers graduated at high school in old one oh one 732 00:55:40.880 --> 00:55:46.199 oh two. So by the time that I got to high school, it 733 00:55:46.280 --> 00:55:50.239 was bitches in there, like your brother's the twins. I'm like, why 734 00:55:50.239 --> 00:55:52.719 the fuck do y'all know who my brothers is? Like what? But I 735 00:55:52.760 --> 00:55:57.760 think that's why coach Flarerity fucked with me heavy because because of my brothers, 736 00:55:58.280 --> 00:56:01.360 and he had a class. What was that class? It was like a 737 00:56:05.320 --> 00:56:07.679 I don't know, it was some type of class I wanna say. It 738 00:56:07.719 --> 00:56:12.199 was kind of like promoting therapy or some shit. It was something that like 739 00:56:12.920 --> 00:56:16.760 and that's really needed in schools too. Fucked with coach Flaherty. Who else? 740 00:56:22.239 --> 00:56:30.360 Damn, y'all ain't really that fucking memorable teachers? Mm? Yeah, 741 00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:37.079 that's all I really remember for the teachers, I think, is it anybody 742 00:56:37.119 --> 00:56:47.159 else that I'm missing? That's it. My counselor wasn't all that it was 743 00:56:47.199 --> 00:56:53.320 a black lady, but she just sad the principal was black his son went 744 00:56:53.360 --> 00:57:02.719 to the school. MM yeah, that's all I can remember. Again. 745 00:57:02.760 --> 00:57:07.800 Why we y'all want me to be angry so bad expressing anger? How do 746 00:57:07.880 --> 00:57:10.719 you express anger? Do you bottle up your anger or blame others for causing 747 00:57:10.760 --> 00:57:15.360 it? I don't really get angry. And now I feel like, since 748 00:57:15.400 --> 00:57:16.760 I keep saying this, I feel like the universe is gonna try to test 749 00:57:16.800 --> 00:57:20.559 me real soon, Like all right, bitch, let's you don't get angry. 750 00:57:20.719 --> 00:57:22.800 Let's see, let's see. That's what they gonna do. It always 751 00:57:22.840 --> 00:57:28.800 happens, I talk to fucking much. I don't. I don't want to 752 00:57:28.840 --> 00:57:30.360 get angry. I don't. I don't know, but I mean, I 753 00:57:30.360 --> 00:57:34.039 guess I'm gonna blow the fuck up. I told y'all, I've never snapped. 754 00:57:34.119 --> 00:57:37.559 I'm not trying to. Don't don't, don't come sending me no test 755 00:57:37.599 --> 00:57:39.599 to be angry. I don't want to be angry. Y'all want me to 756 00:57:39.639 --> 00:57:46.599 be angry, so fucking bad? Anger triggered these y'all? Somebody about to 757 00:57:46.639 --> 00:57:52.440 try to make me mad? No anger trigger? What makes you angry? 758 00:57:52.480 --> 00:57:57.880 Why does it make I stop? I'm not trying to be angry? Angry? 759 00:57:57.960 --> 00:58:04.000 Birds? Damn change? Do you prefer change or do you avoid it? 760 00:58:04.039 --> 00:58:07.039 And why? Let me tell y'all. I'm not gonna lie to you. 761 00:58:07.239 --> 00:58:12.639 I hate change and I know it should not be that way. I'm 762 00:58:12.679 --> 00:58:16.079 working on it. You are supposed to embrace change. You have to understand 763 00:58:16.119 --> 00:58:24.119 that change is inevitable. Life is a constant change, constant change. Look 764 00:58:24.159 --> 00:58:30.039 at technology, the way that it is evolved, computers, phones, cars, 765 00:58:30.679 --> 00:58:37.920 The seasons changed, the weather changes, people change, you change. 766 00:58:37.039 --> 00:58:42.800 Hopefully you change your draws today. Change embrace, but no, for I 767 00:58:42.800 --> 00:58:45.719 hate change. I don't like I don't like doing new shit. I hate 768 00:58:45.760 --> 00:58:50.400 being new. I hate having to learn new shit. I do I just 769 00:58:50.599 --> 00:58:57.199 I know I'm working on it. Safety. What makes you feel safe? 770 00:58:57.519 --> 00:59:02.239 Why does this bring you a sense of safety? I like being in a 771 00:59:02.320 --> 00:59:06.599 safe energy. I like feeling protected. You know what I'm saying, like 772 00:59:06.639 --> 00:59:08.239 you could be around a certain type of dude and just feel like, oh 773 00:59:08.440 --> 00:59:10.760 okay, I can let my hair down. I feel safe here, you 774 00:59:10.760 --> 00:59:17.440 know what I'm saying. Or feeling safe in somebody's energy. Being in a 775 00:59:17.440 --> 00:59:21.320 good area makes me feel safe, you know what I'm saying, Not feeling 776 00:59:21.360 --> 00:59:23.559 like I'm in danger or in the hood or around some shit that's about to 777 00:59:23.559 --> 00:59:28.199 pop off, or being in a sketchy area. Like I like to feel 778 00:59:28.199 --> 00:59:30.320 good about my surroundings and I like to feel good about the people that I'm 779 00:59:30.320 --> 00:59:39.679 around. Hm, is there envy? Is there a certain person you envy? 780 00:59:39.840 --> 00:59:52.960 When do you catch yourself being jealous? And why is there a s 781 00:59:54.039 --> 01:00:02.920 I am? I try not to be an envious person or a jealous person. 782 01:00:04.159 --> 01:00:08.440 I'm not gonna lie. In romantic relationships, you get territorial, you 783 01:00:08.599 --> 01:00:12.960 be a little jealous no matter what. That's a romantic relationship. But just 784 01:00:13.000 --> 01:00:17.920 like period, like, I don't try to be an envious person. Like 785 01:00:19.199 --> 01:00:21.960 you know what I'm saying. I try to congratulate others when they win. 786 01:00:22.960 --> 01:00:24.840 Not I try. I do. I congratulate others when they win, you 787 01:00:24.880 --> 01:00:30.239 know what I'm saying, And especially when it's people closest to me, or 788 01:00:30.360 --> 01:00:36.119 just if you in my area, in my vicinity. You know what I'm 789 01:00:36.159 --> 01:00:39.599 saying. Like somebody at work had got a brand new car and I was 790 01:00:39.639 --> 01:00:43.400 happy as fuck for him. I'm like, Damn, that mean my blessing 791 01:00:43.440 --> 01:00:45.480 close. You know what I'm saying. When people around you get blessed, 792 01:00:45.519 --> 01:00:49.079 that mean that your blessing is next. So I don't try to be an 793 01:00:49.159 --> 01:00:55.639 envious person. The only thing that I could really think of is and this 794 01:00:55.760 --> 01:01:00.840 is just me being honest, This is like the closest thing that I could 795 01:01:00.880 --> 01:01:07.000 say to like envying a person, and it's I don't like to think of 796 01:01:07.039 --> 01:01:09.400 it as envy, but you know, I feel like it was a bad 797 01:01:10.039 --> 01:01:15.639 way to feel. I'm not gonna lie. I kind of used to feel 798 01:01:15.639 --> 01:01:23.719 some type of way about my baby daddy because I felt like we was together, 799 01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:30.320 right. We was in a relationship for almost four years, got pregnant, 800 01:01:30.639 --> 01:01:32.760 carried your child, had your child, you know what I'm saying, 801 01:01:34.119 --> 01:01:37.880 put my life on hold, dropped out of school, you know what I'm 802 01:01:37.880 --> 01:01:43.199 saying, and you were still able to live your life and do everything that 803 01:01:43.239 --> 01:01:46.280 you needed and wanted to do to become successful. You know what I'm saying. 804 01:01:47.079 --> 01:01:50.679 And so at the end of the relationship, when it was like what 805 01:01:50.760 --> 01:01:52.440 you're gonna do with your life, it was just like, bro, you 806 01:01:52.519 --> 01:01:57.199 gonna do me like that, you know what I'm saying. And so to 807 01:01:58.119 --> 01:02:00.880 you know, just see somebody just kind of move on what they life is 808 01:02:00.960 --> 01:02:04.599 like, you know what I'm saying. And it's not even like my thing 809 01:02:04.800 --> 01:02:08.400 is I was cool if we wouldn't go be together, you know what I'm 810 01:02:08.400 --> 01:02:14.920 saying. But even just the way that I got treated after everything was over, 811 01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:16.840 it's like, you don't do that to somebody that really held you down. 812 01:02:16.920 --> 01:02:22.599 And you know what I'm saying, And really, you know, he 813 01:02:22.719 --> 01:02:27.800 gonna say the responsibilities was always fifty to fifty. But my thing is real 814 01:02:27.880 --> 01:02:30.639 women though, you know what I'm saying. I saw a TikTok video about 815 01:02:30.679 --> 01:02:35.599 this too, about how men, you know, they always have the support 816 01:02:35.639 --> 01:02:38.400 of women when they are pursuing their careers and whatever, and it's like, 817 01:02:38.440 --> 01:02:43.039 you know what I'm saying. I just I just I felt like that situation 818 01:02:43.199 --> 01:02:45.639 was bold, you know what I'm saying, and it was you know, 819 01:02:46.079 --> 01:02:50.639 I ain't gonna lie. It's tough to see, like damn, you know, 820 01:02:51.440 --> 01:02:53.000 I had your whole fucking kid, and now I gotta come pick up 821 01:02:53.000 --> 01:02:55.679 the pieces for my shit. And you know what I'm saying. Like, 822 01:02:55.840 --> 01:03:00.920 but again, I don't like to look at it as envy, but I 823 01:03:00.079 --> 01:03:02.320 just I don't know. I guess it could be envy, but I just 824 01:03:02.360 --> 01:03:07.800 felt like that situation was bold. But I guess that would be the closest 825 01:03:07.800 --> 01:03:13.639 thing to it true to self. Do you ever feel like you're not being 826 01:03:13.800 --> 01:03:21.679 true to yourself? I think that I'm not being true to myself when, 827 01:03:28.400 --> 01:03:32.440 yeah, when when I go against myself, where I go against like I 828 01:03:32.480 --> 01:03:37.880 truly feel about something, or if I'm being a people pleaser or I'm letting 829 01:03:37.880 --> 01:03:40.559 people overstep my boundaries, I feel like I'm not being true to myself. 830 01:03:45.559 --> 01:03:46.719 Let's see, let's try to mix these up. First of all, I 831 01:03:46.719 --> 01:03:50.480 ain't even read none of the white ones. I done did all I done, 832 01:03:50.559 --> 01:03:57.239 did seventy five black ones. Let's do some white. What are core 833 01:03:57.360 --> 01:04:00.320 values? What are your core I did a lot. I did like seventy 834 01:04:00.400 --> 01:04:05.079 five black black car, black car. Okay, save something for the next 835 01:04:05.119 --> 01:04:09.719 time. I gotta get another game. I gotta get another something, Okay, 836 01:04:10.320 --> 01:04:15.679 core values? What are your core values? That's what I'm gonna do. 837 01:04:15.920 --> 01:04:17.880 Well, they be wanting you to I'm about to say, jobs. 838 01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:19.840 We want you to come in and know they miss your statement, and they 839 01:04:20.119 --> 01:04:26.079 no tell me what your fucking values are? What are your core values? 840 01:04:26.159 --> 01:04:33.719 Why are these so important to you? My core values? My core values 841 01:04:33.840 --> 01:05:02.960 would be honesty, honesty, loyalty, respect. I wanna get y'all fined 842 01:05:04.320 --> 01:05:14.039 honesty, loyalty, respect, We'll just roll with that. Why are they 843 01:05:14.079 --> 01:05:25.159 so important? Honesty? Because I feel like you cannot have a successful relationship 844 01:05:25.400 --> 01:05:32.119 or I don't think that you can have anything real if you're not honest. 845 01:05:32.440 --> 01:05:38.679 But a lot of times we need to be honest with ourselves. And I'm 846 01:05:38.679 --> 01:05:41.840 not always honor you know, I w I was gonna say, I'm not 847 01:05:41.840 --> 01:05:47.719 always honest with myself, but I know the truth. You know what I'm 848 01:05:47.760 --> 01:05:50.639 saying, Like y you could not be honest with yourself and know the truth, 849 01:05:51.719 --> 01:05:56.159 kind of be in denial. But I think honesty is super important. 850 01:05:56.360 --> 01:05:59.280 And like I said, I think to definitely have a successful relationship, you 851 01:05:59.400 --> 01:06:05.000 gotta be hones honest. Like this, honesty is the worst. It's just 852 01:06:05.039 --> 01:06:10.519 the fucking worst. I don't like liars. And if you lie about some 853 01:06:10.599 --> 01:06:13.800 little shit, my guy, you will lie about some big shit. You 854 01:06:13.840 --> 01:06:16.519 know what I'm saying. And it's just like why, I feel like I'm 855 01:06:16.559 --> 01:06:21.280 a very understanding person. I feel like I'm shit is always a no judgment 856 01:06:21.360 --> 01:06:26.079 zone with me. So it's like, you don't have to lie, you 857 01:06:26.199 --> 01:06:30.159 know what I'm saying, and I don't want you to. People don't understand, 858 01:06:30.320 --> 01:06:34.039 like the best relationships is gonna be honest ones like I want you to 859 01:06:34.039 --> 01:06:36.599 be my dog, I want you to be my best friend. I want 860 01:06:36.719 --> 01:06:41.159 like you know what I'm saying, Like I want us to be honest with 861 01:06:41.239 --> 01:06:49.960 each other. I said with us. Loyalty, Uh, you gotta have 862 01:06:50.000 --> 01:06:54.679 you a ride to die when no, not even I don't like that term, 863 01:06:54.719 --> 01:07:00.519 but you gotta have somebody that's gonna really stick with you to the fucking 864 01:07:00.719 --> 01:07:04.000 end, to the wheels fall off. But this is the thing about loyalty 865 01:07:04.079 --> 01:07:10.559 people. I think people will be getting loyalty misconstrued, Like people think like, 866 01:07:10.599 --> 01:07:13.880 oh, that means you're supposed to endure cheating and bullshit, Like you 867 01:07:13.880 --> 01:07:15.800 know what I'm saying, niggas be want to run you went to the ground 868 01:07:15.840 --> 01:07:20.519 off the loyalty like no, like no you don't deserve loyalty. You're not 869 01:07:20.559 --> 01:07:24.559 even a good person. You're not a good person and you're not good to 870 01:07:24.639 --> 01:07:30.360 me. But loyalty like you gotta have somebody that's gonna have your back again, 871 01:07:30.679 --> 01:07:34.519 like your best friend type shit. They're through thick and thin, gonna 872 01:07:34.519 --> 01:07:38.280 be there through the bad time and again. I always say that. I 873 01:07:38.320 --> 01:07:42.840 feel like one of my downfalls is that I always felt like I wanted to 874 01:07:42.960 --> 01:07:46.800 find my person before I became super successful, because I don't want to get 875 01:07:46.920 --> 01:07:50.599 rich as fuck and then have to be out here trying to find a man 876 01:07:50.679 --> 01:07:56.480 because the opportunist is gonna be on the prow like, bitch, hell yeah, 877 01:07:56.599 --> 01:08:00.599 you looking like a lick Like I don't want to do that. I 878 01:08:00.639 --> 01:08:03.039 don't want to find my person before and so we you know what I'm saying, 879 01:08:03.159 --> 01:08:08.199 But I get I don't know. I don't know what's in the cars 880 01:08:08.199 --> 01:08:11.039 for me, but love he is super important and there in respect, like 881 01:08:13.679 --> 01:08:15.880 I feel like I respect people. I respect people a lot, you know 882 01:08:15.920 --> 01:08:21.680 what I'm saying, And I want the same energy in return. I feel 883 01:08:21.680 --> 01:08:28.680 like, you know the golden rule, treat others how you want to be 884 01:08:28.720 --> 01:08:40.359 treated. Period. I'm looking for some good ones expression. How can you 885 01:08:40.399 --> 01:08:44.439 create safe spaces to express your shadow self? Black girl experience, baby, 886 01:08:44.720 --> 01:08:47.199 because what are we doing right now? I'm expressing my shadow self to y'all. 887 01:08:47.239 --> 01:08:50.439 So I think this is a great way to create a safe space. 888 01:08:54.119 --> 01:08:59.680 A couple summers ago, I had hosted my first event. It was called 889 01:08:59.760 --> 01:09:02.800 net Fs and Heel and it was an outdoor event in the summer, and 890 01:09:02.920 --> 01:09:09.680 we had this big old screen we watched in our mother's gardens on Netflix. 891 01:09:10.520 --> 01:09:15.199 And we also had like a little sister circle where we went around and we 892 01:09:15.239 --> 01:09:17.960 all talked about the relationship with our moms and stuff like that. And it 893 01:09:18.000 --> 01:09:21.920 was a very dope experience. It was a great turnout. I had a 894 01:09:21.960 --> 01:09:29.199 whole bunch of vegan food there, and my homegirl was there selling her edibles. 895 01:09:29.239 --> 01:09:32.000 And I made little gift baggies for everybody. I gave all little journals 896 01:09:32.000 --> 01:09:35.279 and pins. At the end, I put little affirmation cards in there. 897 01:09:35.760 --> 01:09:41.760 I gave everybody an intention candle. It was made by this girl that did 898 01:09:41.800 --> 01:09:46.000 like really dope candles. What else did I'll put in there? A bunch 899 01:09:46.000 --> 01:09:51.199 of shit like that, And it was just really nice. But I feel 900 01:09:51.199 --> 01:09:55.399 like I created a safe space for people there, and oh what really popped 901 01:09:55.399 --> 01:09:58.640 it off was that I think everybody was kind of nervous to kind of speak 902 01:09:58.640 --> 01:10:00.000 about, you know, because it was a bunch of random everybody didn't know 903 01:10:00.079 --> 01:10:02.239 each other. So it's like, why the fuck is we all coming around 904 01:10:02.239 --> 01:10:04.239 to talk about the relationship with our mind? You know what I'm saying, 905 01:10:04.239 --> 01:10:08.680 people might really be on guard and some shit like that. So I went 906 01:10:08.720 --> 01:10:11.399 first and I just started talking about the relationship with my mom and I literally 907 01:10:11.439 --> 01:10:14.079 started crying like five seconds into that shit, and I think it kind of 908 01:10:14.159 --> 01:10:17.399 just set the tone for it, and people like felt real comfortable. So 909 01:10:17.600 --> 01:10:26.000 yeah, I gotta get back to my events. We're looking for good ones 910 01:10:26.960 --> 01:10:36.119 ones failure. How can cause I was talking about I failed on my daily 911 01:10:36.199 --> 01:10:43.079 routine, How can your shadow self help you develop a healthier attitude towards failure 912 01:10:43.159 --> 01:10:50.079 and mistakes acceptance? Acceptance? Because just like I said, I feel I 913 01:10:50.079 --> 01:10:55.199 felt like I felt with the daily routine, like, yeah, I didn't 914 01:10:55.399 --> 01:10:58.079 I cause I changed my mind. I was like, I don't feel like 915 01:10:58.119 --> 01:11:00.439 I got to get up at six am, and you know what I'm saying, 916 01:11:00.520 --> 01:11:04.239 Like I be up, I listen to my shit. I still was 917 01:11:04.279 --> 01:11:08.119 being productive throughout the day. I was still applying for jobs whatever. I 918 01:11:08.239 --> 01:11:10.800 just didn't do, you know what I'm saying. But again I felt like 919 01:11:11.239 --> 01:11:16.000 I needed to rest, and that's okay. But again even still, it's 920 01:11:16.039 --> 01:11:18.159 like, okay, that can't be forever. You know what I'm saying. 921 01:11:18.199 --> 01:11:21.640 You do need to get a daily routine or whatever. So okay, I 922 01:11:21.680 --> 01:11:26.399 accepted that I felt like I just wasn't there this week. It wasn't for 923 01:11:26.439 --> 01:11:28.800 me to do this week. You don't have to beat yourself up about it. 924 01:11:28.840 --> 01:11:33.920 You ain't gotta be down about it. So again, tomorrow's another day. 925 01:11:33.960 --> 01:11:43.319 Wake up, dosh yourself off, and try again. Whatever. Let's 926 01:11:43.319 --> 01:11:47.600 see, let's look for ancestors. Think about your ancestors. What questions do 927 01:11:47.640 --> 01:11:50.760 you have for them? Are y'all sick of my shit? I know my 928 01:11:50.880 --> 01:11:55.399 ancestor is my spirit? Guys, I know God be tired of my shit. 929 01:11:55.479 --> 01:11:58.079 I know the universe be tired of my shit. Like this bitch gonna 930 01:11:58.119 --> 01:12:02.079 do? I know, I know, like they be jumping in to fix 931 01:12:02.119 --> 01:12:05.399 shit or like having to come in and be like this bitch is about to 932 01:12:05.399 --> 01:12:08.680 fuck it up? Why would you do that? You're not supposed to be 933 01:12:08.720 --> 01:12:11.800 doing that, like I know they be like and then sometimes they probably just 934 01:12:11.840 --> 01:12:13.479 let me fuck up and be like, all right, bitch, you want 935 01:12:13.479 --> 01:12:15.840 to go do it? Cool, go do it, you know, And 936 01:12:15.960 --> 01:12:21.600 I'll be aware of those moments too. What questions do I have for them? 937 01:12:21.640 --> 01:12:25.960 What questions do I have for my ancestors? What is the goal? 938 01:12:26.279 --> 01:12:28.680 Can y'all just tell me? Give me the blueprint? Like tell me what 939 01:12:28.680 --> 01:12:30.760 I'm supposed to do, like, just somebody send me the cheat sheet? 940 01:12:30.880 --> 01:12:33.159 And I got you. They probably like, bitch, you ain't setting no 941 01:12:33.239 --> 01:12:35.600 ulser up for us. You ain't got no water on that bitch, you 942 01:12:35.640 --> 01:12:39.680 ain't got no food for us, You ain't putting no motherfucking money on the 943 01:12:39.720 --> 01:12:42.279 table for us. You ain't gave us no type of offering. And you 944 01:12:42.319 --> 01:12:46.560 want to cheat sheet, We're not giving you shit. Keep struggling. Whatever. 945 01:12:46.640 --> 01:12:55.079 What other questions would I have for my ancestors? Can y'all send clearer 946 01:12:55.239 --> 01:13:00.560 signs? Like send me in clearer, just tell me that I ain't gonna 947 01:13:00.560 --> 01:13:02.760 lie. And I had this conversation with my homegirl maybe today or yesterday or 948 01:13:02.800 --> 01:13:09.319 whatever, and oh that was another thing, like I hadn't talked to one 949 01:13:09.319 --> 01:13:12.600 of my home girls in a couple days, and you know, I kind 950 01:13:12.600 --> 01:13:15.359 of know her everyday life and what she's going through and shit. And during 951 01:13:15.399 --> 01:13:18.560 that time, mind you, these past seven days, I've been unemployed, 952 01:13:18.600 --> 01:13:20.960 so I've been, you know, just dealing with my own shit. So 953 01:13:24.079 --> 01:13:27.600 I hadn't caught her either, but I knew, like I felt it intuitively, 954 01:13:27.640 --> 01:13:30.079 I felt it like, I'm like, I know she probably going through 955 01:13:30.079 --> 01:13:33.720 it or whatever, and I'm like, but i'm'a just give her her time. 956 01:13:33.760 --> 01:13:36.479 I'm'a give her her space to deal with whatever she dealing with, you 957 01:13:36.520 --> 01:13:39.680 know what I'm saying. And at the same time, I felt like I 958 01:13:39.720 --> 01:13:42.840 was dealing with my own shit and just you know, you don't wanna call 959 01:13:42.960 --> 01:13:45.880 somebody and dump on them or whatever. But like I said, intuitively, 960 01:13:46.000 --> 01:13:50.560 I knew like he probably just needed some time. So I had caught her 961 01:13:50.760 --> 01:13:55.319 a couple days ago and she didn't answer, and I I never leave a 962 01:13:55.359 --> 01:13:59.239 fucking voicemail, but I just left a voicemail like I know you probably you 963 01:13:59.279 --> 01:14:02.039 know, going through whatever, and I just wanted to call you and check 964 01:14:02.079 --> 01:14:04.920 on you, blah blah blah whatever. So when I finally talked to her, 965 01:14:05.000 --> 01:14:08.640 I think it was today, where she probably really kind of told me 966 01:14:08.680 --> 01:14:11.600 everything, and I'm like, she was like, but I'm glad you gave 967 01:14:11.640 --> 01:14:14.199 me that space because she's like, you know, I got family members that 968 01:14:14.199 --> 01:14:15.760 have just fucking blown me up, won't leave me alone, you know what 969 01:14:15.800 --> 01:14:19.239 I'm saying, And the fact that I just knew, like I just knew, 970 01:14:20.359 --> 01:14:23.560 but you need that, you know what I'm saying. I don't like 971 01:14:23.640 --> 01:14:27.239 those friends that, oh my god, you don't call me every day, 972 01:14:27.239 --> 01:14:29.159 bitch. I'm grown as fuck. I got a life, I got a 973 01:14:29.279 --> 01:14:31.520 kid, I got shit. You know what I'm saying. But it's not 974 01:14:31.560 --> 01:14:34.199 even that type of situation where her we met her. We really talk every 975 01:14:34.279 --> 01:14:38.520 day. This is my long distance friend. She and Cali too, so 976 01:14:38.680 --> 01:14:44.680 we talk every day and whatever. But you do need those friends that are 977 01:14:45.119 --> 01:14:48.720 understanding, you know, when you need your time. Like people really be 978 01:14:48.800 --> 01:14:56.680 tripped out and it's like, relax, bro, five lives to live. 979 01:14:57.840 --> 01:15:01.279 If you have five imaginary life to live, what would you do and be 980 01:15:01.479 --> 01:15:05.800 like in each one of them, I'm gonna be honest. For one, 981 01:15:06.159 --> 01:15:09.760 I would be a nigga. I would be a man, I would be 982 01:15:09.760 --> 01:15:14.039 a man. I'm not gonna lie cause and I know y'all. I know 983 01:15:14.079 --> 01:15:17.920 the women gonna feel me on this because I'm not gonna lie. I want 984 01:15:17.920 --> 01:15:21.239 to know what sex feels like from a man's perspective. I want to know 985 01:15:21.279 --> 01:15:25.319 what this feel like. I'm not gonna lie because I know. I know 986 01:15:25.399 --> 01:15:28.640 it's the bomb. I know it's that splack. Like I would be a 987 01:15:28.640 --> 01:15:30.640 man just for that not to be a whole because you see them girls that 988 01:15:30.760 --> 01:15:32.960 be like, oh yeah, I'd be fucking out of bitches like I wouldn't 989 01:15:32.960 --> 01:15:35.880 want I would people would rightly think that I was gay if I was a 990 01:15:35.920 --> 01:15:39.760 man, because my standards would be too high, Like bitch, don't nobody 991 01:15:39.800 --> 01:15:43.119 want to fuck your red ass? Like no, but I would definitely want 992 01:15:43.119 --> 01:15:49.399 to see what sex feels like from the Mills perspect Hello, flashback, WHOA, 993 01:15:53.039 --> 01:15:59.039 Okay, another life I would want to live, you know, somebody 994 01:15:59.159 --> 01:16:03.880 rich and famous that just woke up in the money. Like you know what 995 01:16:03.920 --> 01:16:08.159 I'm saying, I ain't gonna I would not even I would probably want to 996 01:16:08.159 --> 01:16:14.439 be somebody a celebrities kid, like I'd be fucking Blue Ivy or Northwest or 997 01:16:14.479 --> 01:16:16.880 some shit like that, and just see what type Like can you imagine? 998 01:16:17.000 --> 01:16:19.479 Can you imagine? If they had to come live my life, they would 999 01:16:19.520 --> 01:16:24.000 be like, oh my god, this is the fucking trenches. Yeah, 1000 01:16:24.199 --> 01:16:28.119 like I want to wake up and live, y'all. Shit real quick that 1001 01:16:30.800 --> 01:16:35.960 what other life would I want to live? I would want to live It's 1002 01:16:36.000 --> 01:16:45.520 say five imaginary lives though, but whatever. I don't want to be the 1003 01:16:45.560 --> 01:16:49.720 tooth theory, Like, what imaginary life? What other life would I want 1004 01:16:49.760 --> 01:16:56.239 to live? I don't know. I would be an animal. These are 1005 01:16:56.239 --> 01:16:58.800 not imaginary, but whatever. I'm just giving you all whatever it comes to. 1006 01:16:59.239 --> 01:17:06.880 I would want to be an animal. What fucking animal like a black 1007 01:17:06.920 --> 01:17:14.279 panther or something, or like a cheetah or a lion. I'd probably be 1008 01:17:14.319 --> 01:17:18.279 a fish to shout out to the Pisces Pisces ganggang, just to see what 1009 01:17:18.319 --> 01:17:24.800 the underwater life is like a little mermaid? Shit? Uh what else? 1010 01:17:28.840 --> 01:17:30.760 Fuck it? An imaginary? Like, well, that's not imagined. I 1011 01:17:30.960 --> 01:17:34.520 want to be God for a day. Okay, let me see, cause 1012 01:17:34.560 --> 01:17:40.439 I'd be sending all y'all calls, the voicemails, send them prayers back down. 1013 01:17:40.640 --> 01:17:43.920 I'm not no, no, no, I would be God for a 1014 01:17:44.039 --> 01:17:48.000 day. Oh they don't even say for a day. It's say to live 1015 01:17:48.279 --> 01:17:55.399 I'd be God, I'd be calling the shots in this bitch and another one? 1016 01:18:00.520 --> 01:18:09.720 What other? What else would I be? Mm hmm, what else 1017 01:18:09.720 --> 01:18:19.119 would I be? I don't know, I don't know. Compliments What are 1018 01:18:19.159 --> 01:18:26.199 people always complimenting you on? People always compliment me on my skin. People 1019 01:18:26.199 --> 01:18:41.880 always compliment me on my energy or my personality? Uh, defining moments. 1020 01:18:41.960 --> 01:18:45.720 Look at your life experiences so far, It's been a fucking lit It's been 1021 01:18:45.760 --> 01:18:48.560 a hell of a ride. What have you been What have been the defining 1022 01:18:48.640 --> 01:18:55.960 moments or turning points. I have saw a post that said something about, 1023 01:18:56.079 --> 01:19:01.279 like, uh, people, Well, a lot of times people or situations 1024 01:19:01.319 --> 01:19:08.840 are catalysts for your spiritual growth. And I absolutely believe that. Like sometimes 1025 01:19:08.960 --> 01:19:12.640 even when you feel like, dang, I'm maybe this was the worst decision 1026 01:19:12.680 --> 01:19:15.800 that I ever made in my life, is actually probably also one of the 1027 01:19:15.800 --> 01:19:17.640 best decisions that you've ever made in your life. You know what I'm saying. 1028 01:19:17.640 --> 01:19:19.640 The things that you feel like, oh my god, this is such 1029 01:19:19.680 --> 01:19:27.119 a fucking feel like that's the shit that you know what I'm saying that takes 1030 01:19:27.119 --> 01:19:30.840 you to the next level. That's a defining moment that you know what I'm 1031 01:19:30.840 --> 01:19:38.800 saying, Like a lot of times those instances or those people or those things, 1032 01:19:38.840 --> 01:19:47.920 those catalysts for growth, like change the trajectory of your life. I 1033 01:19:47.920 --> 01:19:53.920 feel like me coming here was a defining moment and it really changed a lot 1034 01:19:53.960 --> 01:19:57.079 for me, especially like with my co parents in situation and all that. 1035 01:19:57.159 --> 01:19:59.760 Like I've been dealt with a lot of silent battles here. You know, 1036 01:20:00.039 --> 01:20:02.239 I'm saying that really changed shit, and shit, I'm still going through battles 1037 01:20:02.279 --> 01:20:05.960 every day. Somebody called me today, was just checking on me and shit, 1038 01:20:06.039 --> 01:20:09.239 and I'm like, but we would sit in the same boat. That 1039 01:20:09.279 --> 01:20:12.800 person is a creative as well. They're entrepreneur as will. We both was 1040 01:20:12.880 --> 01:20:14.920 just like, fuck these jobs though, I'm like, what's up? What 1041 01:20:15.000 --> 01:20:17.039 you want a job tip? They're like, shit, just got fired from 1042 01:20:17.039 --> 01:20:21.520 a job. I'm like, dog, It's like but again, just defining 1043 01:20:21.600 --> 01:20:27.079 moments. Yeah, I'm trying to think what else was a defining moment in 1044 01:20:27.119 --> 01:20:33.039 my life? Uh? I guess becoming a parent at twenty one. Like 1045 01:20:33.159 --> 01:20:35.960 I ain't gonna lie. I always think about, like what would have happened? 1046 01:20:36.119 --> 01:20:42.039 You know, if I didn't have a kid at twenty one, I 1047 01:20:42.039 --> 01:20:44.640 probably would have had one at twenty two. It's like I don't know, 1048 01:20:44.720 --> 01:20:47.920 but like I don't know, I don't know. That's so weird to me. 1049 01:20:48.199 --> 01:20:53.159 I always think about that, Like, you know what I'm saying, 1050 01:20:53.199 --> 01:21:00.319 how would my life have been different? How do you see this is? 1051 01:21:00.640 --> 01:21:09.960 How do you see your future self dealing with your shadow self? I like 1052 01:21:10.000 --> 01:21:14.560 to say, my higher self, which is the best version of me, 1053 01:21:14.880 --> 01:21:16.720 and I'm trying to get to her. I'm trying to They like, no, 1054 01:21:16.840 --> 01:21:19.119 you're not, bitch, You're not even trying. You're not doing enough. 1055 01:21:19.159 --> 01:21:23.920 You need to do more. You feel that daddy routine for the week. 1056 01:21:24.000 --> 01:21:27.279 You are not trying to be your higher self. How do you see 1057 01:21:27.279 --> 01:21:32.680 your future self dealing with your shadow self? Being cool? Like, you 1058 01:21:32.720 --> 01:21:38.159 know what I'm saying, Like, Hey, I see your darkness and it's 1059 01:21:38.159 --> 01:21:43.720 cool. I see I see why you're dark. You know what I'm saying. 1060 01:21:43.720 --> 01:21:46.159 But I'm here to shed the light on that. If it wasn't for 1061 01:21:46.239 --> 01:21:49.159 you, I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be my future self. You 1062 01:21:49.199 --> 01:21:54.399 know what I'm saying. If you, if it wasn't for your shadow self, 1063 01:21:55.079 --> 01:21:57.880 you wouldn't be your higher self. You wouldn't be your future self. 1064 01:21:58.720 --> 01:22:03.000 So everything in your life that you experience, the person that you are, 1065 01:22:03.039 --> 01:22:08.239 the person that you used to be. All of that matters, you know 1066 01:22:08.239 --> 01:22:11.119 what I'm saying. All of that is leading you to where you're going. 1067 01:22:11.279 --> 01:22:15.800 It's gonna lead you to your future self on your deathbed. First of all, 1068 01:22:15.840 --> 01:22:23.279 this is a typo. It says death bad. Imagine you are on 1069 01:22:23.319 --> 01:22:28.359 your deathbed, while laying in bed, your parents walk in. What are 1070 01:22:28.399 --> 01:22:33.840 the last things you say to them on my deathbed that I'm about to go 1071 01:22:33.920 --> 01:22:40.800 before y'all? That's crazy as fuck, y'all outliving me. But no, 1072 01:22:41.199 --> 01:22:45.680 what would I say to them? I'm being to I'm being too joky right 1073 01:22:45.720 --> 01:22:48.720 now. On your deathbed, I don't know. I'll probably be telling my 1074 01:22:48.760 --> 01:22:53.760 parents that I love them, regardless of all the shit that I talked about 1075 01:22:53.760 --> 01:22:59.199 them on the podcast, despite all of the you know, I feel like 1076 01:22:59.239 --> 01:23:00.880 y'all didn't do the bet that y'all could experience. Despite all of that, 1077 01:23:01.000 --> 01:23:11.880 I guess I love y'all. I don't know, like, ooh not, 1078 01:23:12.000 --> 01:23:15.439 I just got real emotional, real quickly. Like I would probably tell them 1079 01:23:15.479 --> 01:23:19.119 like I just hope that not be getting teary eyed. Oh my god, 1080 01:23:19.680 --> 01:23:23.199 No, but for real, I would just hope that they are proud of 1081 01:23:23.239 --> 01:23:30.079 me. I'm sad. I'm getting tear yed just because I feel like no, 1082 01:23:30.279 --> 01:23:38.640 because I don't feel like me personally, I don't feel like I've accomplished 1083 01:23:39.119 --> 01:23:44.560 like a lot in life, you know what I'm saying, Like real, 1084 01:23:44.600 --> 01:23:45.760 I don't feel like I've accomplished a lot. I feel like I don't have 1085 01:23:45.760 --> 01:23:49.359 a lot to show for anything. So I would just be like, you 1086 01:23:49.359 --> 01:23:57.920 know, I hope that y'all are proud of me. I mean, but 1087 01:23:57.960 --> 01:24:00.840 I have, I have accomplished stuff, but it's you know what I'm saying, 1088 01:24:00.920 --> 01:24:04.439 like people be or I feel like parents be expecting kids to be a 1089 01:24:04.520 --> 01:24:10.079 million degrees and my kid does a million dollars in the bank and she did 1090 01:24:10.079 --> 01:24:12.680 it. Well, it's coming, it's coming, you know with all of 1091 01:24:12.720 --> 01:24:15.800 this. Motherfucker's gonna be happy for this accomplishment. But you know what I'm 1092 01:24:15.840 --> 01:24:17.560 saying, Like, I don't know. I guess I would just hope that 1093 01:24:17.600 --> 01:24:26.079 they would be proud of me, cause I feel like I'm not not the 1094 01:24:26.199 --> 01:24:29.840 problem child, but I'm different. I'm definitely the different child. I'm the 1095 01:24:29.960 --> 01:24:35.520 child that brought change into people's lives. I'm the child that brought healing into 1096 01:24:35.520 --> 01:24:40.199 people's lives. You know what I'm saying. I'm the child that brought purpose 1097 01:24:40.239 --> 01:24:44.000 to the table. I'm the child that brought like you know what I'm saying. 1098 01:24:44.119 --> 01:24:47.119 So I was just different in that way. I was very different in 1099 01:24:47.119 --> 01:24:50.800 that way. And I'm the only girl on both sides. Like I'm my 1100 01:24:50.920 --> 01:24:56.600 mom's only daughter and I'm my dad's only daughter. So I better have a 1101 01:24:56.640 --> 01:25:04.000 fucking special place in your heart. Feeling freedom. Think about feeling completely free. 1102 01:25:04.079 --> 01:25:11.239 What images or memories come to mind? Waking up doing whatever the fuck 1103 01:25:11.319 --> 01:25:14.199 I wanna do. And when I say that, I don't mean like just 1104 01:25:14.359 --> 01:25:17.800 whatever, but I'm just saying, like, waking up and living an entrepreneur 1105 01:25:17.880 --> 01:25:20.479 life, you know what I'm saying, being able to travel but doing my 1106 01:25:20.600 --> 01:25:27.840 work. You know what I'm saying. Waking up on a beach, looking 1107 01:25:27.840 --> 01:25:33.399 over the balcony bridge, just blowing through my hair and got my breakfast delivered 1108 01:25:33.399 --> 01:25:42.359 to the room, doing my yoga, going down to the beach with my 1109 01:25:42.479 --> 01:25:46.880 laptop, making business calls, but doing all of this stuff, and just 1110 01:25:46.920 --> 01:25:54.119 feeling like feeling free, but feeling fulfilled, and just feeling good about my 1111 01:25:54.239 --> 01:25:59.560 life. You know what I'm saying, living life on my terms. So 1112 01:25:59.680 --> 01:26:08.239 yeah, hmmm, forgiveness, what do you need to forgive yourself? For 1113 01:26:13.680 --> 01:26:26.960 a lot? A lot forgiving myself for not knowing better in certain situations and 1114 01:26:27.199 --> 01:26:30.760 just you know, doing whatever with what I had at the time or what, 1115 01:26:30.920 --> 01:26:41.680 you know whatever. Forgiving myself for for sucking up, forgiving myself for 1116 01:26:41.960 --> 01:26:53.880 making mistakes, forgiving myself for not always making the best decisions, forgiving myself 1117 01:26:54.039 --> 01:27:02.159 for what else. M I guess that's it. But just like jazz Man, 1118 01:27:02.279 --> 01:27:06.760 it's okay, bro, it is Oh fucking kay. You ain't never 1119 01:27:06.880 --> 01:27:21.800 killed nobody. Let's see repeat. I am safe and secure as I explore 1120 01:27:21.880 --> 01:27:43.640 all facets of my being. Let's see m mm hmmmm mmm mmm, let's 1121 01:27:43.640 --> 01:27:48.319 see look up for some good ones. What color represents your healing and why 1122 01:27:48.960 --> 01:28:00.720 I'm gonna say purple, crown chakra shit, but I don't know. I 1123 01:28:00.760 --> 01:28:13.880 love purple, but why I don't know. It just goes with the theme 1124 01:28:13.920 --> 01:28:26.479 of my life and in the podcast, purple. Purple is also a symbolic 1125 01:28:26.520 --> 01:28:33.319 of like royalty luxury, all of that, and that's that's the real luxury. 1126 01:28:33.880 --> 01:28:42.760 That's that's the real royalty yeeling and getting past all the bullshitt and all 1127 01:28:42.800 --> 01:28:47.039 the trauma. Let's do a couple more and then we're gonna get into the 1128 01:28:47.159 --> 01:28:55.359 terror humor. In what ways does your shadow self reveal itself in your sense 1129 01:28:55.399 --> 01:29:00.720 of humor like this? Because I lack and that's the thing. You gotta 1130 01:29:00.760 --> 01:29:03.000 be able to laugh at yourself. Bro, I'm laughing at myself all the 1131 01:29:03.000 --> 01:29:13.000 fucking time because I'm a fucking clown. How does my shadow self reveal itself 1132 01:29:13.000 --> 01:29:15.720 it? Like? I mean again, because I feel like it's a situation 1133 01:29:15.800 --> 01:29:18.840 where, like, you know, shit is not funny when it happens, 1134 01:29:18.880 --> 01:29:23.479 but when you look back you can laugh at it like ooh, you dumb 1135 01:29:23.560 --> 01:29:28.880 ass bitch, or ooh those buddy as hell like situations like that, or 1136 01:29:28.920 --> 01:29:30.720 maybe you are laughing in the moment when you're doing some dumb shit. I 1137 01:29:30.760 --> 01:29:40.119 don't know, but yeah, okay, let's see, let's do what is 1138 01:29:40.159 --> 01:29:45.359 this one? I'll do this one, all right, that's it. Look, 1139 01:29:45.439 --> 01:29:50.119 I did a hundred cards. I did all of these. This was 1140 01:29:50.159 --> 01:29:54.119 too much. This was too much. I gotta give me another card game. 1141 01:29:55.960 --> 01:30:00.680 Wait are these ones that I did? Okay, that's one for this 1142 01:30:00.800 --> 01:30:05.319 is subconscious mind? What might your dreams reveal about your shadow self. So, 1143 01:30:05.479 --> 01:30:09.640 like I said, anytime that I ever have a dream, excuse me, 1144 01:30:09.760 --> 01:30:13.479 anytime that I have a dream, I always google it as soon as 1145 01:30:13.479 --> 01:30:15.880 I wake up if I if I feel like I don't know what it means, 1146 01:30:15.920 --> 01:30:18.840 or if I feel like I don't understand its significance or what it's symbolic 1147 01:30:18.920 --> 01:30:29.000 for, because your dreams are just like an inkling to your subconscious mind. 1148 01:30:29.880 --> 01:30:33.760 So you know what I'm saying. If you have a dream that somebody is 1149 01:30:33.880 --> 01:30:38.199 pregnant or whatever, that doesn't necessarily mean that somebody's pregnant. Maybe you're about 1150 01:30:38.199 --> 01:30:43.960 to give birth to a new idea or something or whatever. If you have 1151 01:30:46.199 --> 01:30:53.600 One time, I had a dream that a nigga shot me, and immediately 1152 01:30:53.720 --> 01:30:56.399 when I woke up, I knew that that meant some type of betrayal, 1153 01:30:56.760 --> 01:31:00.239 but I still googled it and all of that came up, and some shit 1154 01:31:00.319 --> 01:31:03.560 had came up about like betrayal in fidelity, that type of stuff. But 1155 01:31:03.640 --> 01:31:08.000 it was so much that happened in the dream that made sense too that I 1156 01:31:08.079 --> 01:31:12.720 was able to piece together, like and he ended up telling the truth about 1157 01:31:12.720 --> 01:31:14.920 some shit, and I'm like, wow, but that's the thing too. 1158 01:31:14.960 --> 01:31:16.199 If some shit come to you in the dream, you better believe it. 1159 01:31:16.319 --> 01:31:20.039 You better fucking believe it, especially if you're super intuitive. I'm a motherfucking 1160 01:31:20.039 --> 01:31:25.680 pisc's I'm the Queen of intuition. Like, so, I don't play about 1161 01:31:25.760 --> 01:31:30.319 dreams. If that shit come up in a dream, whatever it is, 1162 01:31:30.359 --> 01:31:34.840 he did that shit. So yeah, okay, let's get to the motherfucking 1163 01:31:34.920 --> 01:31:48.159 tear out. What's on the flow. What are the vibes for the collective? 1164 01:31:49.399 --> 01:31:51.319 I ain't gonna lie. My shit kind have been on point. I'd 1165 01:31:51.319 --> 01:31:54.920 be going back watching the video. First of all, I love going back 1166 01:31:54.960 --> 01:32:00.680 watching my videos. I like, I love this. I love watching myself. 1167 01:32:02.159 --> 01:32:06.439 Apparently y'all love watching me too. Keep the subscribe to the podcast, 1168 01:32:06.520 --> 01:32:11.039 subscribe to the YouTube channel like this video, leave a comment like what do 1169 01:32:11.079 --> 01:32:13.560 I have to do? Like do I gotta bribe y'all with money to start 1170 01:32:13.640 --> 01:32:16.439 leaving comments and like be interactive with me? Like I don't understand, Like 1171 01:32:17.800 --> 01:32:23.399 what's gonna make y'all be interactive? Like even on Instagram, Like I had 1172 01:32:23.439 --> 01:32:27.119 posted one of the videos and I put like drop a comment on why, 1173 01:32:27.239 --> 01:32:30.319 and nobody fucking comment. I'm like, y'all just don't y'all, don't fucking 1174 01:32:30.319 --> 01:32:34.560 part. Y'all not gonna participate until Jane Iiko reposts. My shit, y'all 1175 01:32:34.600 --> 01:32:39.279 ain't gonna participate till Big Sean reposted like, hey, my homegirl from Detroit 1176 01:32:39.319 --> 01:32:42.760 out here doing her motherfucker thing. Like that's when y'all go comment. Oh 1177 01:32:42.800 --> 01:32:48.640 he fuck y'all. It's like, no, but what is it gonna take. 1178 01:32:49.479 --> 01:32:53.159 I gotta be like I'm cash happing everybody one hundred dollars, leave a 1179 01:32:53.199 --> 01:33:15.000 comment and whatever the tower. God damn. I I just I just feel 1180 01:33:15.039 --> 01:33:16.159 like the universe just be like, come on, bitch. Look, we 1181 01:33:16.239 --> 01:33:18.880 be trying to tell you. They be talking to me, that's for y'all, 1182 01:33:18.880 --> 01:33:23.840 but they talking to me like, bitch, I keep telling y'all what 1183 01:33:23.880 --> 01:33:27.840 the fuck this means? The house is on fire and you and that bitch 1184 01:33:28.199 --> 01:33:34.359 Lilly gagging like it's not about to go down. It's up in fucking smoke, 1185 01:33:34.680 --> 01:33:41.279 and you are just in that bitch like universe. Please remove me cause 1186 01:33:41.319 --> 01:33:46.279 I'm not gonna remove myself. Oh my god, just man, remove yourself, 1187 01:33:46.960 --> 01:33:54.479 collective, remove yourself before it's too late. Don't let don't let the 1188 01:33:54.560 --> 01:34:03.479 Universe of the Hermit card. Did you inside the not you trying to contemplate 1189 01:34:03.520 --> 01:34:06.439 what you in the tower? Like, let me just go in the corner 1190 01:34:08.159 --> 01:34:13.039 and go like, no, bitch, step outside of the tower. A 1191 01:34:13.199 --> 01:34:16.680 gonna be a hermit and figure the shit out, take some tiny baby. 1192 01:34:18.359 --> 01:34:23.840 Or maybe it's gonna take for the motherfucking tower to burn the fuck down for 1193 01:34:23.960 --> 01:34:27.520 you to get the fuck out. And then now you gotta go and be 1194 01:34:27.640 --> 01:34:32.079 off in solitude and sit there and rest and reflect and heal and think about 1195 01:34:32.119 --> 01:34:34.600 all. You know what I'm saying. Hopefully you don't have to get to 1196 01:34:34.600 --> 01:34:42.600 that point. But spirit said, bitch, okay, this is a okay, 1197 01:34:42.800 --> 01:34:51.079 we'll take them though. So this really came out in reverse. I 1198 01:34:51.119 --> 01:34:55.039 don't like to read reversals, but something that's telling me to keep it in 1199 01:34:55.079 --> 01:34:59.279 reverse. So we got the seven of Pinnacles, the Sun in reverse, 1200 01:35:00.439 --> 01:35:05.840 the High Priestess in the two Pinnacles. I'm gonna show you all the cards. 1201 01:35:14.079 --> 01:35:50.079 The house is on fire, get the fuck out. It's giving that 1202 01:35:50.159 --> 01:35:56.479 a situation is not gonna turn out the way that you wanted to. Seven 1203 01:35:56.520 --> 01:36:01.880 the Pinnacles in the Sun CARDI reverse. First of all, you over there 1204 01:36:01.920 --> 01:36:08.920 watching this shit like a fucking hawk. Go do something else. What do 1205 01:36:09.000 --> 01:36:14.239 they say, a watched pot never boils? Go do something else cause you 1206 01:36:14.279 --> 01:36:16.680 went, you know what I'm saying, And you're looking sad because you look 1207 01:36:16.720 --> 01:36:19.399 like you didn't really put your all into it. But we got the sun 1208 01:36:19.479 --> 01:36:24.760 card and reverse. So it's not it's given. It's not gonna be what 1209 01:36:24.840 --> 01:36:29.079 you want it to be. It's not gonna be what you wanted to be. 1210 01:36:29.680 --> 01:36:32.800 And maybe maybe that's why the motherfucking tower is coming down, cause it's 1211 01:36:32.800 --> 01:36:35.720 not gonna be what you wanted to be, you know what I'm saying. 1212 01:36:36.079 --> 01:36:39.880 So you need to take this time for your fucking self. You need to 1213 01:36:39.880 --> 01:36:43.560 go be in solitude, and you need to start paying attention to your intuition. 1214 01:36:43.960 --> 01:36:45.479 You need to listen to your inner guidance, You need to listen to 1215 01:36:45.520 --> 01:36:49.640 your inner wisdom, whatever is telling you, listen to it, because that's 1216 01:36:49.680 --> 01:36:59.039 the fucking answer. But it's your choice, what decision you want to make. 1217 01:36:59.079 --> 01:37:01.600 You want to stay in a tower into that bitch burned down you want 1218 01:37:01.600 --> 01:37:05.560 the universe to come remove you from a situation, or you just gonna leave 1219 01:37:08.479 --> 01:37:14.960 because it's not gonna be what you want it to be. So you could 1220 01:37:15.079 --> 01:37:21.520 either excuse yourself. You can leave. You can leave on your own time. 1221 01:37:21.680 --> 01:37:24.840 You can get in the car, and you can get in the car 1222 01:37:25.199 --> 01:37:30.600 and I drove. You could leave. You can leave yourself, or we 1223 01:37:30.640 --> 01:37:33.760 could come in and get you. And baby, it's not it's not what 1224 01:37:33.800 --> 01:37:39.039 you think it is. It's not what you think it is. It is 1225 01:37:39.159 --> 01:37:46.119 not what you think it is. The Eight Assauts, the five of Pinnacles, 1226 01:37:47.119 --> 01:37:51.279 we do got the temperance car though, put a little light on it 1227 01:37:51.319 --> 01:37:54.439 at the end. Put a little light at the end of the tunnel. 1228 01:37:55.079 --> 01:38:01.119 Baby. It's giving trapped in your own trapped in your own thoughts. It's 1229 01:38:01.239 --> 01:38:08.239 given mental conflict. It's given like stop acting like you can't see your way 1230 01:38:08.239 --> 01:38:16.359 out of the situation. Because the funny thing about the etosaurds is that you 1231 01:38:16.479 --> 01:38:19.039 got this shit tied around you. But you can get out of it. 1232 01:38:19.199 --> 01:38:24.840 You know. You acting like you can't. You stuck in your mind, 1233 01:38:25.159 --> 01:38:33.479 and you stuck in a mental prison. You can get out five of Pinnacles. 1234 01:38:41.960 --> 01:38:45.159 For whatever reason, in my mind, I'm getting deal gone by, 1235 01:38:45.399 --> 01:38:48.560 deal gone bad like this is somebody being left out in the call. But 1236 01:38:48.640 --> 01:38:53.439 again like again a deal gone bad. So I ain't left your ass out 1237 01:38:53.479 --> 01:39:00.560 in the cold. You know what I'm saying. I don't know, but 1238 01:39:00.600 --> 01:39:02.239 it's a little lot at the end of the tunnel. You gonna come back 1239 01:39:02.239 --> 01:39:08.319 into balance, but you're gonna get thrown off your rocker coming out of that 1240 01:39:08.399 --> 01:39:15.760 tower. But again, you know that the beautiful thing about life is that 1241 01:39:15.119 --> 01:39:24.119 we all have choices. We all have the luxury of choosing our destiny to 1242 01:39:24.159 --> 01:39:30.359 a certain extent, do you feel like you really choose your destiny because you 1243 01:39:30.439 --> 01:39:32.800 have freedom of choice? You know what I'm saying. It's so funny because 1244 01:39:32.840 --> 01:39:40.239 I feel like that's such an interesting concept to me, because I feel like 1245 01:39:40.960 --> 01:39:44.359 we all have a destiny in life. I feel like we all you know, 1246 01:39:44.560 --> 01:39:49.960 this shit was written before you was born. But you do have freedom 1247 01:39:50.000 --> 01:39:58.000 of choice. So you know, there's a journey or a path to your 1248 01:39:58.000 --> 01:40:02.359 destiny. There's a whole little journey, and when you on that journey, 1249 01:40:03.279 --> 01:40:05.479 you could choose, Damn, do I want to go to the left or 1250 01:40:05.520 --> 01:40:09.079 do I want to go to the right. Either way, it's gonna take 1251 01:40:09.119 --> 01:40:12.560 you to where you're supposed to be. But each path is different than you 1252 01:40:12.800 --> 01:40:15.199 know what I'm saying. You're gonna experience a lot of shit along the way, 1253 01:40:15.239 --> 01:40:17.960 but ultimately I feel like you end up where you're supposed to be. 1254 01:40:19.960 --> 01:40:23.520 And I just think about that with my life. Like again, I always 1255 01:40:23.600 --> 01:40:26.560 I think about that artist. I don't know. I like thinking about that, 1256 01:40:26.680 --> 01:40:28.279 Like, dang, if I made a different choice, I would it 1257 01:40:28.279 --> 01:40:32.680 be. One of my favorite movies is the Butterfly Effect. And you know 1258 01:40:32.720 --> 01:40:38.720 what I'm saying, Like, if you just made one different choice, your 1259 01:40:38.720 --> 01:40:42.760 whole life would be different. So I don't know. I think about that 1260 01:40:42.840 --> 01:40:57.520 a lot, but I don't know. Let's pull one more King of Pinnacles. 1261 01:40:58.159 --> 01:41:03.279 That's a very good card. It's given to the money. It's given. 1262 01:41:04.199 --> 01:41:08.600 It's given boss shit, it's given in your bag. It's given, 1263 01:41:08.640 --> 01:41:16.640 super grounded, super resourceful, sound mind. You know what I'm saying. 1264 01:41:23.520 --> 01:41:34.359 But it's also like it ain't gonna happen overnight type shit. Whatever, nothing 1265 01:41:34.399 --> 01:41:38.239 happens overnight. You know what I'm saying, y'all gonna look up and when 1266 01:41:38.279 --> 01:41:41.439 this shit blows the fuck up, Oh my gosh, she was an overnight 1267 01:41:41.560 --> 01:41:44.800 success, bitch. No, it was a lot of nights. It was 1268 01:41:44.840 --> 01:41:47.800 a lot of motherfucking nights. I've been doing this podcast for six years, 1269 01:41:47.840 --> 01:41:51.760 bro, I don't ever want to hear mother call me an overnight success because 1270 01:41:51.760 --> 01:41:57.680 I'm like, go the fuck back, okay. And that's the thing though, 1271 01:41:57.720 --> 01:42:00.680 I'm gonna I remember all that. I'm going to remember all of the 1272 01:42:00.800 --> 01:42:02.880 days, all of the nights, all of the all of the time. 1273 01:42:02.960 --> 01:42:09.399 But that's why I keep saying like, that's why it's gonna be so rewarding 1274 01:42:09.520 --> 01:42:14.119 in the end, because bet y'all wouldn't y'all wasn't there. I mean, 1275 01:42:14.199 --> 01:42:17.159 y'all, my listeners was there, but even still, like nobody was there 1276 01:42:17.239 --> 01:42:24.199 with me shooting in the gym. Okay, y'all was not there. So 1277 01:42:24.359 --> 01:42:30.000 when it comes, I'm gonna be acting different. You ain't gonna be able 1278 01:42:30.000 --> 01:42:33.920 to find mean, you ain't gonna be to catch me. You better hope 1279 01:42:33.920 --> 01:42:38.359 I got the same number because I had the same number for a long time. 1280 01:42:38.399 --> 01:42:43.239 But it might be different. I might be acting different. I deserve 1281 01:42:43.319 --> 01:42:50.960 to because y'all was not with me shooting in the gym. So that is 1282 01:42:51.199 --> 01:42:57.159 it for the terrorm. I feel like that shit be talking directly to me, 1283 01:42:57.279 --> 01:43:02.520 and it's like, damn, damn, let me see was there anything 1284 01:43:02.520 --> 01:43:11.239 else I want to share with y'all on here? Oh, somebody said, 1285 01:43:13.199 --> 01:43:15.720 Niggas for show was telling me to slow down. I need to turn this 1286 01:43:15.760 --> 01:43:17.600 shit up. He said, Nigga's gonna tell you everything, but they're not 1287 01:43:17.640 --> 01:43:20.479 gonna but they not gonna pay your bills or take care of your family. 1288 01:43:20.520 --> 01:43:25.199 Do what you feel is best for you. Period. Oh it's also a 1289 01:43:25.239 --> 01:43:33.359 full moon in Leo. Leo is symbolic of the ego, is symbolic of 1290 01:43:33.520 --> 01:43:39.920 childlike energy, children, all of that. Like I said, Leo is 1291 01:43:40.159 --> 01:43:43.920 symbolic of the ego and the core of who you are. You know what 1292 01:43:44.000 --> 01:43:46.520 I'm saying. I'm a Leo rising, so it makes it makes sense. 1293 01:43:46.960 --> 01:43:53.960 But no, so the full full moons are a time to release, you 1294 01:43:54.000 --> 01:43:58.119 know, whatever is no longer serving you. So this full moon in Leo 1295 01:43:58.399 --> 01:44:03.239 is gonna be about release, send the inauthenticity, you know what I'm saying, 1296 01:44:03.279 --> 01:44:08.800 and really stepping into your true self and who you truly are and shining 1297 01:44:09.000 --> 01:44:13.880 for the start because Leo is star energy. I'm a Leo rising. I'm 1298 01:44:13.920 --> 01:44:16.239 just saying, I'm just saying it. I'm just so like really just stepping 1299 01:44:16.239 --> 01:44:23.319 into your true self. This says times up on the false mass performativity and 1300 01:44:23.359 --> 01:44:27.560 posturing it is time to show up as your authentic self and own it. 1301 01:44:27.560 --> 01:44:30.960 It's time to be honest about what you want and direct and pursuing it, 1302 01:44:30.039 --> 01:44:32.920 or move out the damn way. Nobody. I said, this full moon 1303 01:44:32.960 --> 01:44:35.800 feels like a mercury retrograde but worse. Like I know what is next, 1304 01:44:36.119 --> 01:44:41.920 but nothing works. No, So step into your step into your your true 1305 01:44:41.920 --> 01:44:47.760 self, step into your star power, your start quality. I mean, 1306 01:44:47.920 --> 01:44:51.479 look, I don't know, look at your LEO placements in your chart. 1307 01:44:51.800 --> 01:44:56.439 Like I said, I'm a LEO rising your rising sign or your ascending sign 1308 01:44:56.840 --> 01:45:00.920 is like a person's first impression of you was how you appear to the world. 1309 01:45:01.600 --> 01:45:04.479 So I'm sorry. I was just made to be a star. Like 1310 01:45:04.520 --> 01:45:09.680 that's the energy that I give with Like that's and I'm not saying it like 1311 01:45:09.800 --> 01:45:13.520 that, like in an arrogant type of way, but when people see me 1312 01:45:13.640 --> 01:45:15.760 in my presence, like that's why this shit comes so naturally to me, 1313 01:45:15.880 --> 01:45:18.840 you know what I'm saying. Everybody can't get behind a mic or behind a 1314 01:45:18.880 --> 01:45:25.199 camera and just be you know what I'm saying and have like a magnetic you 1315 01:45:25.239 --> 01:45:29.680 know, personality or just like a magnetic energy about them. But like I 1316 01:45:29.800 --> 01:45:32.600 was really made for this shit, Like I'm really, I'm really that girl, 1317 01:45:32.640 --> 01:45:36.640 I'm really a star. I'm like I'm for sure a Leo rising. 1318 01:45:39.319 --> 01:45:45.279 Anything else on here in Nope, that's it. Oh these were some I'll 1319 01:45:45.279 --> 01:45:46.600 share these with y'all. I listened to this the other day. I was 1320 01:45:46.600 --> 01:45:54.880 listening to a elite the Leo Full Moon Meditation on Instagram, I mean on 1321 01:45:54.960 --> 01:46:01.119 YouTube. So some of the affirmations that were on there, it says this 1322 01:46:01.640 --> 01:46:08.520 Leo full Moon guided Affirmation Meditation is created to build confidence, self acceptance, 1323 01:46:08.600 --> 01:46:14.279 and embrace your authentic self in alignment with this Leo lunar energy. So I 1324 01:46:14.319 --> 01:46:16.479 have screenshot of some of the ones. These were like really good affirmations. 1325 01:46:16.960 --> 01:46:28.600 I inspire through embodying my true self. I cultivate my self acceptance and protected. 1326 01:46:30.960 --> 01:46:36.159 I am open to the abundance that life has to offer. I am 1327 01:46:36.239 --> 01:46:45.079 worthy of being embraced and celebrated. I channel inspiration from within simply by being 1328 01:46:45.159 --> 01:46:54.479 myself. I protect my energy with boundaries. I express myself authentically and attract 1329 01:46:54.560 --> 01:47:00.760 authentic people. I cultivate my own inner piece and protect it. I am 1330 01:47:00.800 --> 01:47:05.640 a source of inspiration in my own unique way. Uh. And then I 1331 01:47:05.680 --> 01:47:11.319 screenched out at this too, because this just goes back to tie in. 1332 01:47:11.640 --> 01:47:14.840 Everything always comes full circle. This goes back to tie into the work thing, 1333 01:47:15.439 --> 01:47:17.279 like and this is what I mean, Like, I know i'd be 1334 01:47:17.319 --> 01:47:21.680 giving nine to five's a bad rep and all of that, and somebody gotta 1335 01:47:21.680 --> 01:47:24.880 do it. Somebody got to work a job, but it ain't gonna be 1336 01:47:24.960 --> 01:47:29.760 me. But this just further proves my point. This is somebody that I 1337 01:47:29.800 --> 01:47:32.960 follow on Instagram. She work at the plant she work at Like I want 1338 01:47:33.000 --> 01:47:38.239 to say Ford, maybe who is she working Ford? Or wondered, Oh 1339 01:47:38.319 --> 01:47:40.199 no, no, she worked I think she work at Chrysler. She worked 1340 01:47:40.199 --> 01:47:45.840 at Chrysler. So y'all know in D trait that's like not plant jobs be 1341 01:47:45.920 --> 01:47:49.399 good jobs, but they be slave jobs and like you know, it might 1342 01:47:49.439 --> 01:47:55.039 be good pay or whatever, but this is what I'm saying. She posted 1343 01:47:55.039 --> 01:47:59.840 this the other day. She said she worked a nice shit ten thirty p 1344 01:48:00.600 --> 01:48:08.720 seven thirty am at work Sunday night to Friday night. She gets one day 1345 01:48:09.119 --> 01:48:15.159 off, so eight thirty to two pm, so she probably get home about 1346 01:48:15.159 --> 01:48:21.199 eight thirty a thirty to two. She's sleep at two forty five. She 1347 01:48:21.279 --> 01:48:26.720 got to go pick up her kid from school. From three to five, 1348 01:48:27.399 --> 01:48:30.680 she's preparing her house for work that night, so getting ready to you know, 1349 01:48:30.680 --> 01:48:33.760 get your house in order, probably making dinner or whatever, getting your 1350 01:48:33.760 --> 01:48:40.680 shit together. From six to nine, she's taking a nap. Repeat first 1351 01:48:40.720 --> 01:48:45.159 step. The first step was ten thirty to seven thirty work Sunday to Friday. 1352 01:48:45.520 --> 01:48:49.960 She says, Saturday after two two pm, probably I'm up and hopefully 1353 01:48:50.079 --> 01:48:56.159 enjoy some Saturday before I go back to work on Sunday night. Please understand, 1354 01:48:56.199 --> 01:48:59.359 I don't always feel like talking or hanging and just want to relax on 1355 01:48:59.399 --> 01:49:01.800 my day off, and sometimes during the week I be too exhausted to talk. 1356 01:49:02.239 --> 01:49:05.159 Dating hasn't been easy because I just don't feel like it right now. 1357 01:49:05.399 --> 01:49:12.239 This is her life. Bro, you get one day off, you're one 1358 01:49:12.279 --> 01:49:15.680 fuck I couldn't even imagine I was getting two days off and I worked a 1359 01:49:15.720 --> 01:49:20.359 decent schedule from seven to three. You get one day off and you wake 1360 01:49:20.439 --> 01:49:25.640 up at two p you're probably tired, exhausted, and you work at the 1361 01:49:25.640 --> 01:49:29.800 fucking plant. I don't know if she doing the shit on the line or 1362 01:49:29.800 --> 01:49:35.800 whatever, but it's like, Bro, that's that's hectic on the body work. 1363 01:49:35.920 --> 01:49:41.119 Man, y'all can have that shit. Y'all can fucking have it, 1364 01:49:41.560 --> 01:49:45.840 and that's that's all I got. I hope y'all enjoyed this episode, made 1365 01:49:45.840 --> 01:49:51.039 sure that you followed me on all platforms at Healing my Homies, subscribe to 1366 01:49:51.039 --> 01:49:54.399 the podcast right if I started to review, like you love a Black Gut 1367 01:49:54.399 --> 01:50:00.880 Experience, comment like the video all of that shit, Yeah, that's all 1368 01:50:00.920 --> 01:50:01.600 I got. I'm out.