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Season two, Episode two, Sailboat. Damn this traffic? Why did we
leave during rush hour? This is when Kelly could go she works out here.
Do you want her help or not? Working with the freaking enemy?
Relax? We get all our show being done now and we're good. Who
goes mall shopping anymore? Amazon is everything. Kelly knows what Daisy likes,
and you don't, not anymore, not since she went full lesbian. She's
always been by Brad. Yeah you say that, but you didn't know that.
So I was watching Aliens the other day, changing the subject obviously,
Okay, well don't let me miss the turn. Stop weaving in and out
of traffic, and you won't. They're driving too slow. So anyway,
Aliens? Was it the director's cut? Yeah, it's a good cut.
Not needed, But it's fine. I mean, I own it, so
why not I get it. So I'm watching it and I just realized for
the first time that during the battle in the hive, Yeah, perfection from
Cameron. That scene is so badass. Oh, it still gives me goose
bumps. Right, but I'm watching that scene and I always remember Hicks shouting,
where's Bowski? Where's Bowski? You mean when he died? Yeah,
but the guy's name is where's Bowski? Yeah? I thought his name was
Bowski and Hicks was shouting where's bow Ski? Oh, because they all split
up. It's right after the explosion and the Aliens start attacking. You hear
a guy screaming, and Hicks heels where's Bowski. It's been nearly two decades
since I first watched Aliens, and I'm just now catching that the guy's name
was where's Spowski. I couldn't believe it. Well, it's a weird name,
but it's his last name. Still weird. Yeah, and Frost,
Hicks, Hudson, Gorman, those aren't that unusual Spunkmeyer and that one's odd
even for the future. You know. I had a similar situation as well
with Aliens. No, with Lord of the Rings fellowship. For the longest
time, I never knew what Gandolf said when he dies. Turns out it's
fly, you fools. After battling the ball wrong, Yeah, the thing
falls grabs him, and right before he slips off the bridge, he says,
fly, you fools. But I thought he said follow, you fools.
Follow. Why would he say follow? I don't know. I kept
wondering why he wanted him to follow him, I mean, follow him to
what is death? Well, he didn't really die, you know what I
mean. I kept forgetting to look up until surprisingly one day, when I'm
high as fucking put on the subtitles. He says fly, which I guess
is just a different way of saying run. So run, you fools.
Yet Frodo didn't listen and decided to walk the rest of the way, right,
Or maybe Gandolf was trying to give Frodo the hint to just use the
damn eagles. Fly you fools, Yeah, you idiots, fly to more
door. What's with all walking? Although it was his idea. I love
Lord of the Rings, but goddamn if Clerks Too didn't sum it up perfectly.
A Kevin Smith The Seinfeld the film really Yeah, you think his movies
are about nothing? Maybe not nothing, but hardly something. There's character arcs,
more like straight lines. How did we go from Eagles to bashing Kevin
Smith. I'm not bashing him. I like that about his films. Clerks
is amazing because of the pop culture breakdowns and sharp dialogue. His commentary on
Lord of the Rings was spot on in Clerks too. It was a lot
of walking. Should have used the Eagles they used them before. Hey,
what are you doing making a U turn? You missed the turn? You
didn't remind me? Where are they? She just texts me they're at the
food court. We were at the mall because we all needed to get something
for Daisy for a birthday coming up. I didn't want to spend a lot,
but I'd be damned if everyone else got our more expensive gifts than me.
I figured if I dropped a good amount, maybe she would finally cave
and introduced me to her girlfriends. We would be celebrating on movie night,
but also planned for a Sunday dinner. Apparently Daisy would be doing a girls
night with her other friends on Saturday. If I purchased the right gift,
maybe, just maybe she would allow me to tag along, or at least
introduce me to some of her other friends another time. Hey, there,
I just don't see why I can't get a restraining order too. I told
you to do it when it happened. Now maybe too late. Oh?
Which one of Kelly's exes are we talking about now? Same one? What
was his name again? Chad Todd, Marcus Close? That's it. I
knew it was a douchey name. Marcus isn't a douchey name. Trust me,
it can be guy you work with. All he does is brag about
slaying pooon. Does he actually use the word pon? Sometimes he swaps it
for tail or puss? Jesus puss. How old is he? That's the
sad part. He's forty two. That's the sad part. Not the fact
that he's describing women like conquests. Nah. I think the sad part is
he's forty two. You know. I like how you left your name off
the douche list. Brad isn't douchey. Are you kidding me? The name
Brad belongs on a douche plaque. Really, guys, Brad is a douchey
name. Yeah, at least I don't use the word poon. You don't,
So Anderson, you're getting a restraining order. Kelly thinks it might be
too late. He should have filled for one when I did. After the
scuffle during the movie night. It wasn't a scuffle. Anderson got his ass
kick. I didn't get my ass kicked. Listen, Anderson, I know
you're going for a Willkane vibe, but the whole situation played out less like
high Noon and more like The Ridiculous Six. He Taylor Lawtner's character, whatever
can you stop? Brad? It calls them like I sees them. I'm
actually surprised you seize the Ridiculous Six. Watching an Adam Sandler comedy is a
beautiful destructive quality to it. I'm unable to look away when you say things
like that. It's hard for me to trust your reviews. Good critics have
to watch bad films all the time. Guys, this is going to take
a couple hours. Can we begin a couple hours? The fuck? We're
shopping for Daisy. She likes clothes and we need to find something for everyone
to purchase. So yes, it's gonna take a while. I don't have
a couple hours. No, you gotta rush home and watch Murder Mystery.
No, but I'm not going to waste my whole night shopping for someone who
barely enjoys my company. Barely enjoys more like reluctantly tolerates. Hey, Anderson,
What about that girl over there? She's hotter than Kelly, and I
can tell she has a better personality too. No thanks, What does she
need bigger hair? You should be nicer to me, Brad. Why I'm
only here because Josh dragged me here? You drove. If you want to
find something nice for it easy, you'll need my help. I can find
her something, something good enough that will entice her to introduce you to her
girlfriends. How god damn Anderson, I didn't say anything. Please, Brad,
it's pretty obvious you wouldn't be here if this wasn't in some way going
to benefit you. That's fair. So let's begin this way. Are we
done yet? No? I need to run over to Route twenty one.
Why I didn't get her anything? All we did was shop for you?
Guys. Well I'm done. I can't believe you. You dropped eighty dollars?
Did you buy that whole outfit? The shirt and the card again?
That's all eighty fucking dollars. That's more than I spent. She'd better fucking
introduced me to her friends. Why can't you just buy her something because she's
a friend. Does there always have to be an ulterior motive? I have
never spent more than twenty dollars on a frame, so yes, there's gonna
be an ulterior motive. I'll be quick, just in and out. Don't
use Anderson's pickup lines on me. You know, at least I have a
girlfriend. Meaning what I think. He was pretty obvious. You're spending eighty
dollars on a girl in the hopes of meeting another girl. Hey, Wuenda,
Anderson get a backbone and an attitude ever since my fight, But it
wasn't a fight. I'll be twenty more minutes, guys, But Josh,
do we have to wait? We drove separately. You guys can leave,
can't we? You drove that's right? What the hell are we still doing
here? Then let's go. We'll see you guys Friday. I'm bringing a
cake, a birthday cake, No, a freaking Friday cake. Yes,
a birthday cake. But her birthday is Sunday. But we're gonna celebrate Friday,
so we have to have the presents wrapped by then. I don't know.
I think we're doing presents Sunday. Why are we doing cake on Friday
just to be nice? Jesus, Brad? When is her actual birthday?
Monday? So we're doing cake Friday. She's going out with friends Saturday,
and then we're doing dinner on Sunday. You got a problem with that?
Should we roll out the red carpet on Monday? We'll see you guys Friday.
Josh pushed me forward and we headed off, leaving Kelly and Anderson to
do more shopping. Holy shit, what is that? Cooper? What the
hell? Cooper was sitting on a bench with the box of Auntie Anne's pretzels?
Was he meeting us here? Not that I know of, Cooper?
Oh her Gar. He looked sick as he slowly chewed the half eaten pretzel
in his hand. What are you doing here? Are you all right?
Oh? So full? So stop eating? But there's five pretzels left?
So so Rodie doesn't let me bring food in his car. Who the fuck
is Brodie? His roommate? So I have to eat all these before we
leave? Where is Brodie? He's shopping with Jay. Why did you order
so many pretzels? They were free? How? How does he always get
free shit? The lady in the food court had a coop on. She
said she had to use today two free boxes, so she gave me one,
just a random lady. I think she saw me making my rounds in
the food court trying to get free samples. I think she felt bad.
Well that makes more sense. So now you're stuffing your face because you don't
want them to go to waste. Can't you give them away to someone?
I've tried. I've offered a pretzel to every kid that's passed by. You're
trying to pass them to kids? Yeah, look, watch, hey,
kid, you want a sweet treat? Cooper waved a pretzel around as a
kid walking next to his mother, Dylan, stay close to me, honey,
Jesus Cooper, what the hell are you doing trying to get away pretzels
by saying sweet treat? They're sending them in glazed. Sweet treat is when
it says on the box. See, you can't fucking shout at kids that
you want to give them a sweet treat? Why you look sick? You
got glaze dribbling from your mouth, and it's a creepy thing to just shout
at someone, especially a child. Do you guys want a sweet treat?
No? No, thank you, Coop. What are you guys doing here
shopping for Daisy's fucking birthday? When's your birthday? Monday? Oh? Shoop,
forgot? That's not surprising. You cannot eat any more? Then stop?
Jesus. Do you want to ride home? Cooper? Can you give
me one? I'd rather not? We can, then you can bring your
sweet treats with you. Cool. I'll text Brodie text him as we leave.
We gotta go, why because that mother and child are coming back this
way with security because you offered him sweet treats. That's him. Damn it,
Coop. Shit, let's go, and they chased you. Yeah,
I'm pretty sure we can't go back to the mall. The crazy thing is
is Cooper. So now he probably doesn't even realize it's that big of a
deal. Brad and I tried explaining it to him, but he pretty much
went into a sugar coma on the way home. I think he'll want some
of this cake. It's a new day and it's free food, so of
course he's going to eat some cake. Oh, it's so pretty. I
almost don't want to eat it, But we are going to Well, of
course, my mom and I worked on it all day. I'm pretty happy
with how it came out. Can we have some now? Shouldn't we wait
for Brad and Cooper? Why? It's my birthday and now they're here.
I can't believe you guys beat us? You drove Cooper. He was walking
on the side of the road, so I picked him up. Why are
you barefoot? I didn't want to be late. Don't read too much into
it, Josh, Hobbits are odd people. Wait, hobbits aren't people?
Whatever? Brad, are you holding a present? Yes? An expensive one.
I was going to say, how sweet? What are you going to
say now? What do you want to get closer to your friends? Of
course it's really expensive. Wait? Are we doing gifts right now? Yeah?
What about cake? Fuck your cake? I thought we were saving presents
for Sunday dinner. You didn't bring them. They're on the chair by the
door. Anderson, Oh, looks like I'm the only nice one. Well,
since I live here, I have a present too. I thought we
would do cake today and presents on Sunday. Oh, let's be crazy and
do cake in presents at the same time. Here. Thanks Brad Anderson.
I can't believe you left the presence. We weren't supposed to do them today.
That's what you said, but I also said to put them in the
car. I didn't want to forget them on Sunday since they have to work
in the morning. Why didn't you grab them? I had the cake.
You could have told me you don't see me carrying a cake. I thought
that's all we needed. Is this the end of Anderson and Kelly? Is
this the final straw? Tune in next week to who Gives a Fuck?
Oh? Brad, you picked this out? Yep, Well he took it
off the hangar. You were with him, weren't you. If I wasn't,
you'd be handing you a magic eye Hidden pictures book magic I you know
those pictures that are all blurry and when you unfocused and relax your eyes,
you see a hidden picture. It was cool, and there were two for
one at that used bookstore. Brad, you couldn't even see any other pictures,
yeah, I could. You thought every one of them was a sailboat.
No, there was one of a whale under a sailboat. Well,
thank you for not buying me that. This is much better. Don't ever
go shopping without Kelly. Please. I left the receipt in the box.
I'm not going to return these. No, I want to you to see
how much I spent. What is wrong with you? Where's your present?
I'll go get it two days. Thank you'll invite me to this get together
tomorrow night? You mean Sunday? No, that one includes all of us.
But Josh said, you're doing a girls' night tomorrow night downtown, so
it's a girls the night broad Yeah. How about next time I do a
game night, I'll invite you. Okay, and your friends will be there,
yes, but you better behave yourself. Yeah, sure will do.
Here you go, Daisy, Oh, thanks Josh. Inside was a long
sleeve shirt in Tampa Bay Ray's ball. Again. I didn't know why she
needed a cardigan and long sleeve shirts since we live in Florida. Whatever,
at least mine costs more. Thank you, Josh. This is great.
Did Kelly help you too? Yeah? But I picked out the hat.
I'm so proud of you. I got you something too, really, Coop,
Yeah, even Cooper brought a present. I'm sorry, Cooper Pole about
a wadded gift from his back pocket. Is this a prezel? Yeah,
cinnamon glazed? You wrapped it? Is this from your trip at the mall
yesterday? I eat the others, but I saved you this one. Thanks
Cooper. We'll bring your gifts on Sunday. That's fine, okay, Now
let's cut this cake and start the movie. Kelly carefully cut the cake into
even pieces. She passed them to everyone and we all got ready on the
couches. The cake was really good, but I would never admit that to
Kelly. Oh my god, this is great. I had better. We'll
go off on mall rat after you bashed Kevin Smith shout up. Movie starting
Movie Night. Written by Robert m Lamb, edited by Issa Yaszade, Starring
Robert m Lamb as Josh Catabell as Daisy, Brian Messick as Brad, Jack
Austin as Cooper Pope, Ennis as Kelly, Nick Englehard as Anderson co starring
Christina Lewis. Music provided by Kevin McCloud of incompetech dot com. If you
enjoy this podcast, don't forget your rate and review. Follow us on Instagram
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find more audio dramas such as this one. This has been a seven Lamb production.