Island is back to Island. This is episode five? Is it? Oh
my god? Five? A sip and tea Kila. Oh by the way,
let me just put this out there. I would like to apologize to
everyone because I was listening to the previous episodes, especially episode one. In
episode two, Oh my god, what did I say? No? Not
you? One day, we're probably gonna apologize for something you say. You
haven't you haven't crossed any lines. Okay, I'm trying to be careful.
I tried really hard. No. I love your I love that You're the
wild card though. But my I because I'm running the board, like the
board is in front of me, the computers are in front of me.
And there was something in the settings where when my email would come in you
can also hear that in the episode, and it was annoying. I was
listening back to our podcast and it was so annoying hearing my email goal through
like at least six times in the first episode. So I apologize. I'm
gonna make sure that doesn't happen from now on. It's like when you need
to put batteries in the smoke alarm and it's just still going. Dude,
I'm getting mad at myself, like, girl, turn off your email?
What's going on? So I appolagi, girl, let them know you you
work, you busy girl. I thought it was gonna be something you said.
I was like, I don't think if you are worried about what you
said. I'm never worried about something a set. So I was a little
I was a little worried when you said that. I said, oh crap,
when do I start apologizing? Okay, so far it's so good.
Okay, Yeah, no, I'm trying to be mindful. Only be positive,
right, never negative? That always the goal in life. Yeah,
negative right now? Yeah? Well, I mean if I don't like me,
you don't know. That's what I mean. Though, it's not really
negative. It's just like facts. It's never talking ship if it's true exactly.
I feel like that's kind of just what we do. Mm hmmm,
speak the truth. Yeah it sip and tee quila, sip tea. Well,
let's us spill the tea, bil the tea. When it comes to
the dating world, because I've never something about that girl, it's treacherous.
It's hard out here. It's like discuss d I mean, it's fine or
whatever. I can't say that I've gone on any dates yet, I'm on
hinge and it's unhinged. Yeah, there's this guy. He uh you know,
had a nice profile. He's actually pretty fine. Like I don't be
going for Mexican men like that for real, because I just love me some
black men. But then you know, he's he's good looking. So I
was like, he was good looking, he's good looking. You get the
picture, and you didn't get the picture. I just heard the voice message,
bro, and that was the thing. He started sending me voice notes,
which I can appreciate to a point. You know, he wants it
to be like personal, he wants it to be Yeah, there's a certain
tone and emotion that you can't put through exactly. And I also think voice
memo kind of shows he's more interested, just like a shows more of like
an incentive, right, So I definitely appreciate it, and I think it's
it's a nice thought. Yeah he's cute. He's cute. Yeah, he's
a little cutie. Yeah, and he's like all tadded up like and I
mean he's not he's older than me, but not too much older. How
old is he? Thirty one? Oh, that's just fine. That's that's
not old. Yeah, don't you No, I didn't say no, I
know, but I'm putting it out there. Don't neither you say that whoa
on my way there. I would never say that that's old. I like
older man, like if you're like, honestly, I don't even judge,
Like I wouldn't do forties, but in the thirties, early thirties for sure.
Yeah, yeah, we're neighbors. But this one happens to have two
grown children, which kind of threw me off. What's grown though, grown
is like ten and fifteen. Oh, that's grown grown girls and girls.
Yeah yeah, that kind of made me run the opposite direction. That means
he must have had them when he was fifteen sixteen. I'm not judging,
you know, like, no, no, no judgment at all, but
that is a very difficult age for girls, especially when dad brings in another
female to the equation. Right. Well, and my thing is to like,
I don't have kids. I think it would be different maybe if I
had kids, right, but I don't. I don't come with that baggage.
Sorry, no disrespect, but for real, like, I'm yeah,
and you're obviously entitled to like not want to be involved with somebody that has
kids, like you can say no, right of course, right, And
you know, if they were younger kids, I would reconsider it. Like
younger kids, I don't really care, like, but ten and fifteen is
like older. Yeah, that's a whole different kind of response. Like once
you're in that life, you in their life, like they can't forget about
you so easily obviously, like who would forget about you? No one.
But at the same time too, it's like even coming in, like say,
if it did get serious, coming in as a step parent at that
age is much harder than like when a kid is young and you're in their
life for their whole Yeah, let's go get ice cream, Like it's all
like the easier things. Yeah, easy to kind of well, I mean
maybe you can relate to teenage girls in the sense of like them literally there
their big sales. Don't get me wrong, I definitely could. But like
you know, just me, as a child who came from people parents that
were separated, and I've seen my mom like date a round, It's never
been something where I'm like, right off the bat, it's going to be
easy for this person coming in, you know, because and I'm not going
to make it easy because you're not somebody that I care to know or I
don't even know if you're going to be around for a long time, and
that's on commitment issues. I respect that. I really I liked the fact
that he was sending you voice messages because when we were going through these voice
messages, it kind of shows the person's personality without them like saying it.
Just like they're, like you said, like their tone or the way they
say things immediately kind of gives you a vibe of like how they are.
Yeah, well that's the thing. I appreciated it because it was one of
the messages was a little aggressive where I'm like, he seems like the type
of guy to get mad very easy. WHOA was sending me voice notes every
five minutes? He's type he's got a little bit of that, Like yeah
he is. Basically if I can make time, if I could make time
with two grown ass kids, and oh you could make I don't like that,
SUPERD don't tell me you can't make time. I'm like, boy,
you had no idea what's going on in my life? So please like kittless
right or not? Like you're a busy woman, you don't owe anybody,
especially somebody you just met. So I started talking that day. See,
I don't like to generalize, but I feel like in our culture, like
men are so much sta and it's so unattractive to me. It's like super
toxic. Like they are the type that have to be in control, they're
the ones that decide, They're the ones that are the breadwinners. Like I
just hate toxic masculinity, Like that's just not healthy in my opinion, and
that's a red flag. But I already gave That's exactly what I told her.
I'm like, oh, just the way he's talking is giving off.
Yeah, and just because you have to Okay, but do you see your
two kids like you can always you know, maybe you have all this free
time. No. I kind of ended the conversation there because after that,
I was just like, m this is not something that I see for myself.
I look for you. I love that. Yes, from immediately,
you already know what you decided. Dude. I've been through it too many
times. I've wasted too much of my time on people and relationships that had
the potential or that I just wanted to have a good time with that ended
up leading into more that. I was just like, nah, I think
that's the hardest part in dating, too, is ending those I have no
problem ending. Well, that's what I want to know, Like how did
you end it? Like what did you say? I basically was like,
you know, I don't know if I'm looking for anything serious right now,
so I don't want to waste your time or mine, especially since you got
some grown ass kids. And I literally said that time well no, I
literally like just kind of left it up to him. I was like,
we could still get to know each other, but we're keeping the conversation on
here, Like you can't have my number because I don't want to have to
block you. Yeah, than me, let's not waste time giving your number,
right, I don't know you and I just met you. I just
won't respond and I'll just block you from that profile. I think it's different,
like I'll extend that common courtesy. If it's like somebody that I've known
for some time that we're trying to make things work and maybe it doesn't work,
then I'll be like, hey, I think we're better office prints.
Obviously. I think that's different. But someone I just met on social media,
it's acting all crazy, like I'm sorry. I'm not giving you a
second time a day. Yeah, but I'm proud of you that you were
able to from the beginning just be like, you know what, this is
not what I want, and you're easy to walk away. Well, I
think that's what you know. You go through these motions, you learn what
you don't want in a relationship more often so then you know eventually whenever what
you do want comes around, you could recognize that. I love that and
it's going to come when you expect you, Yeah, when you least expect
it. I'm manifesting it for you. I want it for you so literally,
but you're manifesting it works for everybody. Oh it does, like seriously
for me. I'm like, I want that for you. So I know
my man is like out like not in Arizona, Like I honestly do believe
that, Like he's going to be in Greece. Home, dude, I
hope men in the UK. I'm gonna move to the UK. I want
to go to Essex. I'm going in August. And so she comes back
married, what the hell? But if I go back married, you know
it's serious because I feel like I don't ever anybody I don't just give my
time a day to anybody. But I do not record into the system though,
oh not her figuring it out the tweak things. But yeah, I
know that's what I see. I think my man is out there somewhere,
is he absolutely is. Yeah, And I do believe that there are good
men out there, just like I believe they are, like because I think
we're great women. So I mean, obviously there's good men out there.
I just haven't found one yet. Same girl, Same But it's one of
those things too. It's like these men, they they feel like there's not
a lot of good females out there either, So it goes I just need
someone to let me be me, like be wild, dance on top of
the table, like I just want to secure ass man. I think that's
what it is like when you date a batty, which we are, like,
you just need to be secure and confident in yourself. And there are
men out there. It's more common now to find those men that have put
their ego aside then back then, you know maybe, But also I think
our culture has made situationships such a thing that it makes it hard for people
to commit. It's like people want to like put one foot with somebody,
but they still want to explore what else is out there? Like do you
know what I mean? Yeah? I mean that is the dating world.
Oh is that it sucks? I like you, but I also like her,
bitch? What right? I mean? I feel like I kind of
would be the same way, Like I don't know if I would drop everyone
for one guy, because I don't know where situationships are different than dating like
that I consider dating like when you're like exploring with everybody, Like situation relationships
is full blown relationships that you have with the person without the title. Oh,
that's where you got to put your boundary exactly. Because I told when
when my husband Baby by the way, that's his nickname baby for those who
don't know, a lot of people can't pronounce his name. His name is
Alvado. Oh I can already pictures who can't pronounce it. But when he
was like so cause we were just like messing around, We just like became
friends with benefits because I didn't want a relationship. I had just gotten out
of a serious relationship and I was like, I'm just trying to have fun
and I'm trying to have my whole phase here and I told him that,
and he's like, cool, let's have fun. So we had fun,
but then he wanted it to be more serious and I didn't want to.
I was like no, no, no, no, no, no,
like legit, no, I told you I was afraid of this, and
I was like, I didn't want you to catch feelings. And he's like,
let me prove to you that I'm like the right guy. I know
it's the wrong time, but I'm the right guy at the wrong time.
And I was like, how poetic. I was like, cool, if
we're going to do this thing, we're dropping everyone that we're talking like,
we're going to do this right from the start. The baseline is going to
be clean, the boundaries are gonna be clear. You're not talking to anyone.
I'm not talking to anyone. And I find out you are fucking around.
This is over in a heartbeat, period friendship in alle and he was
like period cool, Like from the get go it had to be like that,
Yeah, you know, and that's when you're serious with somebody. Yeah,
So like that's what it is, like you invest your time with these
type of guys like that, not like just specific like bad example, but
you know when you're like, but then when it's time like that, somebody
wants to commit, they just don't want to. But then that's kind of
your sign to like, Okay, move on, this is over. And
that's where it gets hard to like end it is whenever you've already kind of
invested a little bit, you caught these feelings, and then it gets a
little bit hard to end it because you're like, well maybe one day,
because I mean, feeling their day doesn't happen. Nah unless you're you make
it to that. Dude. This is how you know I could not I
couldn't be a whole the first person I hold around with. Ye, I'm
married. I'm married with you. No, I'm not gonna lie. I'm
not gonna lie. I'm trying to get into my whole fairs right now too,
because I'll like, I need to get some vitamin due. Save yourself
from the woe phase. Don't do it. I know. He tells me
all the time that he saved the ho don't save. You don't want to
be saved. Saved. He thought all he did was so drop the streets.
You stripped me so much fun literally, but is too funny. Yeah,
I'm not to worried about it. No, never be worried about I'm
just living my life and if it comes, it comes. Everyone's timeline is
different and yours going to come, and it's it's for a reason. It's
like the man that's meant for you is still developing. Yeah, and I'm
honestly not even there mentally, Like I'm kind of more focused on like where
I want to be, like in my career, my professional like my life
to you know, be focused on like that. I mean, if it
happens, it'll happen, but you have to bring peace into my life,
not more chaos to it. Yeah, because I'm chaotic already, like alone
like this myself out like I'm already I'm already crazy as it is. My
thing is like I already have so many things going on as it is,
Like I don't know how I'm gonna make time for someone else. I'm looking
for someone to really fit into my life as well as I can fit into
their life, I guess. But like I get, I have, like
I have so much family stuff I do, like so many of the work
events and everything. Like someone has to be really understanding, you know,
the one when it seems when it's easy. I need I need it to
be easy. Yeah, but good sex. Yeah, that's a musk.
Mine started on that. Yeah, I'm gonna be like drop the pants right
now, from the get go, from the get go. No, I'm
just kidding. I do believe not being all corny, like it gets better
when there's feelings. Oh absolutely. But I also don't want to be blind,
like I don't want to say it's big when it's not. Like,
I just want to be honest, always honest with myself and objects. And
I don't have to lie either. Tell someone even though it's not. I've
always said I'll bust and their ego. It's not it like I'll let you
know. I like that I'll bust and their ego. I'm not shy,
like I will not hype you up. I know it's hard for me to
comment on that because mine literally started with that. That's not a very cute
story to tell our kids, you know, like we were just friends with
benefits, Like that's the reason I stuck around because it was good. Yeah,
good for you. I'm glad you have a great sex life. You
were so hall like it was one like drunk because I didn't want I didn't
want anything serious, anything serious, but it was like we were partying,
We're going now. I felt safe with him. He didn't seem like a
creep, he wasn't trying. One night, we got too drunk, shit
happened and I was like, hello, I'll continue this, you know.
I was like, I think that that's very romantic. Yeah. The hello
is the pitible moment for me. That's why I was like, Wow,
how kute. I was like, hey, you just want to like mess
around because that's what I'm trying to do right now. And he was like
yeah, sure, Wow, I mean yeah, it was my first time
just messing around with someone I was in with my entire life. Not my
entire life, but like majority of my life. I've always been in a
damn serious relationship since seventh grade. Bro, seventh grade, your relationship four
years with another person and then I jumped into shoes and then you got married.
I love that for you, though. Yeah, and I've been with
him for going on twelve years. Twelve. Yeah, congratulations, thanks.
But I've never had like a serious boyfriend, but not no, not wanting
had like your heart first heartbreak. I have not. I'm normally the heartbreaker
This is why as the older I get, the more cautious I am of
who I fall in love with. O. That's scary. It is not
to scare you because for a while I was like, everyone has to experience
heartbreak. Now I take a pivotal moment in your life. I agree,
because it changes you. But also my husband, he's I'm like his first
girl, like serious, serious, serious girl, Like he dated here and
there, but it never got to the point over love was like that was
it, you know, So he's never experienced heartbreak. Hopefully we never divorced.
Yeah, oh his heart would be shattered for it. It's like,
I guess not everyone has to go through it. Maybe not. I mean
I hope not, but you just never know. I feel like if I
were to go through it at whatever age, like you can't avoid heartbreak,
Like if you fall in love right now, I could think he's the one
and can completely like break my heart or whatever. I feel like everything happens
for a reason, and you're meant to go through certain things in life to
teach you certain things. I wish someone broke my heart. I would be
crazy. I'd be like that Carrie Underwood. It real windows like I've always
said that I've wanted to know that because I want to be able to sing
in that mad wrong and just like cry up a club like not the Clucks
of Ghetto, but like I might you know, have bathroom conversations with girls
and like, you know, like my madness, my two big heartbreaks like
changed me one eighty well, that used to be fucking crazy, bro,
like I would find ways to get in your phone, you know. And
because when I knew there was ship, I was like, I'm gonna find
it. I'm gonna find the evidence. You're not gonna make me look crazy
in a reason. But now I'm the type. Let's say, let's say
if baby were to ever be messy'd be dead. I'd be like I wouldn't
be snooping, I wouldn't be trying to find it. I'd be like,
it's gonna it's the truth will always reveal itself and you are fucked if it
is. Like I tell him, I was like, if you ever mess
up like there is, I have zero tolerance. I'm not gonna be trying
to make myself miserable trying to find it. It's gonna it's gonna come out
and you're done and there's no, there's no chance, and he's like,
what did your ex get chances? And I was like, because I didn't
know better? Yeah, so that what kind of response is that? I
see? That would have been like okay with you ever now Like he's just
like, how come you were so nice to them and so mean to me?
And then well they made me stronger. That's gonna make me mean,
It's like now I'm strong that might know how to deal with these graduations.
Yeah, so yeah for you hopefully no, no no slip ups because that
would be wild, that would be crazy. But yeah, yeah, no
slip ups. So yeah, have you gone through your first heartbreak? I've
gone through a few heartbreaks, but mostly from situationships, not like something serious
serious where they met how your family met their family and it was like I
love you and you like, no, nothing crazy like that. It's just
you catch feelings during the catch feelings. Yeah, and there's just been yeah
things here and there. I only have like one real relationship whenever I was
like eighteen, and it lasted for like six months and that was like real.
But I grew during that time too, So yeah that was crazy though,
but no, not really damn, just a whole bunch of heartbreak from
situationships because these dudes be playing around. No dude, I literally live y
curiously through like all of the Like series and Vampire Diary, Like I lived
my romantic life through all these You know, it is scary out It's never
been romantic out here. It's crazy because you have guys. This is what's
funny. It's like, you have guys that would do anything for you,
super sweet, they get buy you things, they send you coffee money,
like, they just do everything right. But they're not the ones you want.
And then the ones that you want are always the ones that you know
you shouldn't be with. It's so like, why are we like this?
We have the guys that would do it all, but we're not I'm not
attracted to them, sad. A lot of it is like being open minded,
which is extremely hard. Like I was so close minded when I when
Baby wanted happy, but I was like, I was like, he is
straight up the right guy at the wrong time. So I'm going to pass
up on mister Wright because I don't want it at this moment, you know
what I mean. I felt like, what's the right thing to do?
Here. I do need to be more open minded, but I also have
extremely high standards and I think that's okay, but you know, I'll but
I guess now, I won't bend. I don't know, I just I
couldn't have standards, but also like be more open yeah, a little bit,
just a little bit, because people, I mean, you can always
make someone better, and because someone can make you better, you know what
I mean, you grow together, and I want someone to grow with obviously,
like we're always going to be changing because we're not We're not perfect,
you know what I mean. I was. I was very I was very
damaged joining the relationship with baby. I had a lot of trust issues.
And he had to almost like tear down my walls. Oh that's so romantic
you look at it that way. And I had to be open minded in
the sense like what he was saying was making sense because I easily could could
have dismissed everything he was saying, you know, been like I'm not crazy,
like you know, but like I was like, okay, cool,
He's like, you're holding a lot of resentment, You're holding a lot of
anger towards people in your life, Like you really got to let that shit
go because I was like taking it out on him, that's real. Yeah,
and he didn't deserve that, Yeah, exactly, so crazy and he
didn't deserve that. And I was giving him that. But he checked me
and he sent me straight, and I was like, I need somebody in
my life that's gonna check me. And I listened to him and heal and
help you heal healthier ways to deal with your resentment or your trauma toward anybody.
Yeah. We're all fucked up. Yeah, and we all cope differently
too. That's what I want. I need that for sure. You gotta
be open to it though. Start well, I'm us cat. Sometimes when
the alcohol be mixing, they don't be looking at real quick. Hey,
the girls won't be that all over them either when they're not like the hottest
guy in the streets. Yeah. True, because when you got the sexiest
man, it is scary. Let him keep that about that either, like
all these If a girl like really is all over my man, I'm like,
it's all how they react though, Like it's how I'm gonna get hit
on all the time. So if I'm dating somebody, I'm not gonna be
like, you know, entertaining that I'm like, oh, but we still
feel you know what I mean? I mean, you can feel attracted to
somebody and no, like they're walking out the house and you know they're the
like the hottest man ever. You're gonna be like, god, you know
what I mean, Like when you even know, when you yeah, yeah,
when you know you trust them, you still have those feelings. Oh
yeah, I bet that's yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah,
Like, especially too, if you have a past of like talking to people
that like are kind of whatever, don't really have any regard, then you
could definitely have those feelings. Yeah. So you're saying go for the but
like, no, no, no, because cheat too. But a seven
deserves love that's deserved. Devin is above Aver exactly like we've they see.
Yeah, and all everybody's spectrum is different, Like my attractiveness of a man
is different than level of attractiveness. The same with you, Like we all
find different people attractive. So yeah, it'd be interesting to see who you
guys end up with. Yeah, we're going to listen back to this and
be like, look at them now, they're all married. No literally imagined
one day there was there was literally one point in time where I was stood
up so many times. When my dad started calling me the stand up queen,
I was like, I don't know what's going on here, but this
is not okay, And so like I did some work and then yeah,
that never happened to me again, but I did. That was a wild
time. I don't know. I just think, like, I don't know
if it was like my energy was off or yeah, or maybe they just
got shy when maybe they were just cheap ass men or whatever. I don't
know. Maybe I'll just pick a I'm wrong, yep, picking them wrong.
That's I have a record of doing that, honestly, picking them wrong.
But yeah, now it doesn't happen. Now I get malls paid.
So okay. So we said purposely before we started recording this episode that we
were going to get into like our history, like ourselves in the next one
because we ain't got a lot of time today. It's kind of a crazy
week. But next week, for sure, we've got to make time to
like really deep dive into each one of us. Dam you're going to be
up in my crevices. Yes, we are all up in there. Okay,
Oh oh, there goes my email again. But I can't hear it
okay bye, bye bye,