Like, okay, so I'm gonna put on Okay, start streaming. Remember
you're supposed to be You're supposed to be like bitchy about I'm not talking.
I'm talking to Laura. I'm talking about what I'm supposed to be. Just
press space or fade, wow, being a girl. Okay, there we
go, and the audios are it's not a it's not all. That's okay,
that's good. Now press Okay, there we go. Wait, hold
on, wait, I know how to get into the other screen fired producer
segment and then press fade, oh, fade, fade, fade, there
we go. Hey, okay, wow, Hey everybody, it's me Laura
Kine, radio star, podcast star, part time actress, full time mom,
best friend, full Hi mommy, Yeah, Hi daddy, Hi Eric,
Hey Laura, this is my Eric. This is my work husband,
my bff, the talent, producer, Brian the talent. Hey, what's
going on? Hold on, let me see you. Brian is not having
a good day today. Wait, hold on, hold on, he's really
no. I just haven't had mccoffee. Okay, does producer Brian. There
we go coffee. Hey, I know that for a fact. Oh,
producer Brian doesn't talk until he has his first sip of coffee in the morning.
Produce Brian has said, you're talking a lot, producer, Brian,
Sorry, hold on tell you so anyway? What's going on? Guys?
Hey Brian? Hey, what's going on? Hey? What's going on?
How is how is everybody's weekend? Oh? My god? Did anyone see
the eclipse? No? Who gives a shit about the eclipse? I was
seriously doing traffic. You should get try getting a real job, Laura.
I know, well, you know that is a real job. Eric,
my god, come on. Eric would never say that to me. By
the way, how do you said, Brian never talked this much? So?
Uh? What's coming up on? What's coming up on the show?
Guys? Oh uh? Oh you want to know what we did this weekend?
Oh? I'm sorry. Do you want to know what we did this
weekend? Yeah? Okay, let's see. Let's see. Let's see.
Hold on, I think I just screwed it up a little bit. Hold
on, hold on, I'm I'm tooggled over. I toggled over to this.
Eric, go check real quick. Hold on, No, I got
it, I got it, I got it, got it. No,
I don't got it. It is going on on my show. God,
I have to do everything myself. Yes, I know, but like,
where's where's my photo? Where's my photo? Okay, now I can taggle.
There we go. I'm waiting. Okay. So anyway, what did
you do this weekend? Not much. I just kind of like hung out
with uh, you know, I just hung out watch some shows and just
you know, caught up on some sleep and you know, went to the
movies. Whatever. Did you see any good movies? Uh? It's okay.
That's something Laura kan would say if she hadn't seen any good movies.
Eric, what did what did you do? Oh? Man? What didn't
I do? I went shopping. I bitched out a dairy queen employee,
got the name of her manager. She's fired now, oh I got.
I just love it when you call businesses. Oh my god, I just
love it. I live for it. It's my favorite thing. I think
I started a small business where people can pay me to bitch out managers and
their there with you sometime when you did it. Yeah, aren't you embarrassed?
Though? That's super embarrassing, isn't it. No, No, not
at all. I get my hair cut into a bob Hey, uh,
Laura, what did you do this weekend? You didn't say good. Yeah,
I went to the casino and not I know, Producer Brian. Oh
my god. I went to the casino and I made the mistake of pulling
a you Eric, and I was very hot, and I wore a new
dress that had a zipper up the front, and I got my vagina caught
in the zipper. Was so embarrassing. Oh my god, was that pain.
I mean, I've gotten my wiener trapped in the zipper all the time
because I don't wear underwear, so I know what that feels like. Yeah,
I told my scroll them off once they had to surgically reattach it.
Oh my god, that's so pain. It made bigger though somehow, I
don't know. Oh, okay, how about this. What was the best
thing that happened to you this week? I was Producer Brian trying to like,
I'm trying to be more optimistic. I'm trying to be more optimistic.
It really is. I'm sorry. I won't talking to them anyways. I
hang out. I hung out with Keanu Reeves this weekend. I'm not supposed
to talk about it because I don't tell you one about that. Well,
I would I would like to. I'd like to know if you have any
updates for us on Keanu Reeves since you hung out with them this weekend.
You know, just a little bit of this, a little bit of that.
You know. Wow, I guess we'll see always that knocking the door
is that Keanu Reeves? Who knows? Maybe next week? Maybe not.
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there we go. Wow, Brian. That was I feel like producer Brian
a warning about that earlier. I know for producer Brian is very nervous.
Now I can producer and can't fade. Wait, hold on, let me
get the eyeball. I'm touching the eyeball. Brian. You really you your
eyebrows, like really really good. I can't wait. Wait wait that's me.
Hold on, hold on, I am doing it. Hold on,
let me do fade right. Oh my god, Eric, can you help?
Sorry, Producer Brian, I don't know is going on. This is
a complete and total utter shite. Don't show. There we go, there
we go. Thank god, Okay, thank you so much. Oh to
our sponsors, I really thank you to our sponsors. I really appreciate both
of you. I love you, Jay Wurtzler, Hoya Cosmetics, I love
you, guys. Thank you for filling me full of love and botox.
Still been using all my my creams I got from them. You look like
you're twenty four. You'd be surprised, you know. It's a miracle what
science can do for one. Too bad. It is number my true age.
I'm twenty three actually, or are you twenty four or twenty three?
Yeah? I think you are producer, Brian. I would guess that is
your age. Oh my god, my hair is falling out all the gummy
bearers, I think. Oh my, I haven't Brian, I haven't had
gummy bears in like eight weeks. Actually that was me Eric that said that.
I mean Eric, Yeah, I haven't had gummy bears in like eight
weeks, but I have had a red Bull. I'm back on the red
ball, so you know whatever. Okay, So, uh, Brian,
what is everything going okay back there on my show? On your show?
Yeah? Because if it's on your show, yes, Brian, if it's
not going well on my Laura Kane after Dark, it's on the Marquee,
I know you. If it's not going well, then you're not getting He
has never done anything wrong on this show before. Never. No, he's
amazing. He's just having an off night. Eric is like, he's a
god to me. Thank you. Eric is a god to me, Thank
you friend. I've worked hard for that. He's not talking to you about
me. Oh sorry, Yes, Brian doesn't like me. No, he
barely tolerates me. He loves you, though you can do no wrong.
You could take a ship right here and he'd be like, that's great.
Mm hmmm mm hmmm. Yeah, Brian does not like me. Oh my
god, there's so much sweatriting down my ass crack right now? Is that?
Are you? Are you for real right now? Because I'm Eric?
Of course there's oh, there's always underwear. No, oh, I don't
own any actually, Oh my god, Oh are you, uh Laura,
wearing any underwear? That's the question I am. After my lady issue at
the casino the other night, I have to yeah, well, hey,
Eric, I did I found I could barely leave my house. Oh jesus,
I do you have my host chat today, Laura? I do I
do my host chat? Oh? Thank you Brian for that music. My
god, that's new. I love it. Oh it's great. So my
host chat is did you both hear? And all of you watching the listeners?
I love you, guys, Eric and I love you, Brian loves
you. We all love you. Thank you for tuning in and watching.
This is a new dress, and I'm not I might take it back to
Ross. I think the price tag is still on it. Something tells me
they won't want it. It's it's a little Oh, they'd take it back.
They probably apparently no produce friend. You know what, I've never set
foot at a ross. Sorry, I'm more like a target guy. Sounds
really true. Yeah, I'm more give me home goods all day, but
not. Eric loves home goods. That's why I love Eric. I I
do love home goods. That's what Eric's my bff. Yeah, show you
too. I'm sure the feelings mutual. Yeah right, Eric, I mean
I go to home Goods to pick up men. Seriously, the killing it's
a it's a killing floor really really seems like it a lot of gay men
in there. I think producer Brian would make that guess every time he walks
past. Probably so Yeva's chat I do. So have you guys seen the
cruise ship where the people got left in Did you see that? No?
Where they were in South Africa and they went on a on a private excursion
when they got to port and there were I think eight people and they were
an hour late getting back and the it was Norwegian Cruises, and they left
them and these people went to the media and said, oh, they should
have just waited for us, and you know they take customer service too seriously
and everything, and I thought the backlash has been really really bad against the
yes because they if it was me, I would have gotten on the horn,
literally the ship's horn to corporate right then. And I was said,
turn your scrawny ship around before I swim out there myself, and I put
a hole in the bottom of it, and we all sink because if I'm
not going home, nobody's going home. Well, Brian, they have no
I mean Eric, sorry, producer, Brian. I got mixed up on
who I was talking to. They have a certain protocol, they have to
be in port by a certain time and they have to pay to dock tough.
I would say, excuse me, whatever ship management company you are,
do you know how much sweat is running down my ass crack right now?
I need a shower in my tiny one foot square foot cruise ship shower,
So please turn around otherwise we're gonna have some serious issues. I'm gonna be
wanting a handful of vouchers. So wait, are they suing? Wait?
What's happening? They're they're upset because they had to take like extra lights,
They had to take extra time to get back on the boat because the boat
left them. And I say, I'm going to sound like you for a
second, Eric, I say, good. If they think that boat should
have waited for them and wasted everybody else this time, they're wrong. A
plane won't wait for you. If you're late to a plane, too bad,
they take off a trail. If I was there, that boat would
have waited. Well, it would have waited if they were on a a
tour that was approved by the ocean liner. If you were on an approved
sightseeing thing or whatever through the through Norwegian, then they would have waited.
But because it was a private tour, they were an hour late. And
you're supposed to be back on the ship like forty five to an hour early,
so technically they were like two hours late, okay, and then they
have no room to talk exactly. Wow, we we actually agree on something
we do. That's like incredible. Do you love me? This is strange.
I feel like this wouldn't normally have not really, Brian, do you
love me? Sure? If would you tell me that you love me?
No comment? Oh great, okay, Eric, do you love me?
Yeah? Of course, of course. So I didn't hear you actually say
it. It's so easy. You said I didn't say I love you?
Laura? Oh well, producers Brian being a real bitch right now. That
reminds me of someone else signed though, But Eric, I love you,
I mean Laura, I love you. Thank you, Eric. Oh my
god, I love you too. You'll never get me stayed on camera someone
who looks like Laura. But you know what, I'm really going to save
that tape. I'm going to save that tape. I have to apologize.
I you know, now that I'm in my fifties, sixties, I shut
up my fifties, I you know. And I don't get my period anymore.
I'm starting to get all that facial hair that they talk about and it's
just coming in so fast. I still get my period. God, I
know you get your man period, what like once a week every day.
Well, you had called those three companies usually that usually from two am to
ten pm. I'm on my period. Oh my god. Yeah, Well,
producer Briand do you have a host shot? Yeah? Yeah, I
went. I went to the Lafayette Hotel yesterday for dinner and drinks. You
did. It was great, It was good. It was It's very nice.
Why don't you ever take me there? Eric, cause your best friend
number ten I took best friend number one. You took Marla. Yeah,
that was it was Marla. I took Marla. Well, if Marla was
in town, I would have taken her because she is rich and lives in
rich people town. So I went with somebody else. Do you know with
Karen? Uh? You know, the name's not born. But they don't
worry or they're they're higher rank than you on the friendship list. But anyways,
Wow, incredible pool that I didn't swim in because you had to stay
there in. The rooms are like six hundred bucks a night. But great
hotel, bar, awesome restaurant that I didn't realize was going to be incredibly
expensive, really expensive. It's oh I've heard about it looks like a Gothic
church inside. It's really cools. The Fair. That's the first time you've
sat the fair? A strange word. What do you think? I'm God
doesn't care for me? Yes, produce your rye. Sometimes I think,
No, Eric, don't I do? Pretty sure we're all feel a little
off tonight. Yes, we're very off tonight, very not feeling like my
normal facial hair hair that you guys, I'm very very sensitive tonight. I'm
very No, that's normal, that's not different, super that's actually super like
you should be less tonight, you know, I'm really Anyways, I have
some pictures, but I'll just show the camera because Eric doesn't know technology.
So oh yeah, that's Eric. You know you could have sent these to
me like and I could have put them on. Does everyone see this?
No, not even closed the tech. It's technology. Everyone can see.
Let's see something. Here's the restaurant. Was that everyone need to see this
technology? That Eric, right, It is so insane that I can use
technology to hold a picture up and everyone around the world can see it.
Literally, do see exact same thing? Best friend numbers seven and a half.
Laura producer Brian like, what do you what do you make the podcast
work? Show the picture? Producer Brian see beautiful? I can't. Anyways,
it's really pretty Eric. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, the only one
that's getting everybody's name straight. Yeah, I think so, Laura. Anyways,
it was amazing. It was great. My friend knew one of the
knew the hostess there, so we got some free drinks. Shout out to
Marco's he was great. Play the weird time to give you a shoutoutcase at
the Kiote and the Lafayette, it was great. And then we went to
the hotel bar, which was awesome, very nice. A little bit of
a bitches. The bartender's a little annoying. I didn't talk to the manager
this time because I just wanted to get my drink. Pretty expensive, it's
pretty expensive to go out nowadays. Dinner for two was one hundred odd dollars.
Did you have drinks? The drinks for two were forty two bucks?
How many did you have? One each? So it was a total of
two drinks? WHOA? You never take me out to dinner anymore? Eric,
Well, once you hit top three again, we'll see. I'll reevaluate
that. Okay. I mean, you're, of course your top three,
but you gotta be top two, your top one. I don't know.
You're so busy working doing your traffic gig. I know, god, I'm
very very busy. I was busy all weekend, you know, working.
What's the best thing that happened to you this weekend? Besides getting my lips
cut caught in my dress, that's what it sounds like, the worst thing,
Oh my god. The best thing that happened to me this weekend was
I did another audition. Oh no, yeah, And do you think you
could do a little totally, totally I could. I played I played a
washed up porn star who is now a mom of three. Mm hmmmm,
yeah, I thought you were playing a character. Well, I don't have
three kids. I only have two, well three, counting counting you,
yes, counting me. I thought, Oh no, I'm your future husband.
Yes. No, you guys are going to live together, right,
that's right, we are going to live together. We are going to live
together. And now, Eric, you're gonna have to shave me on top
of everything else, because I can't stop this haircualry. If you shave me,
I'm done. Easy. You don't stop it easy. So do I
get a host chat? Well, we don't usually give producer Brian a host
chat. I thought you'd like to hear part of my dialogue from my Oh
god, of course, Sorry Brian, Sorry, we have real brat How
you are just trying to rush things, you guys? I worked all day,
okay, sitting editing videos. That sounds like a hard job. I'm
really really freaking hard. I worked all day. There's a trash can on
the eight o five north. Everybody stay clear. I mean, how hello?
You know I was listening to the radio this morning, and there was
traffic, and I went, I should go see if Flora's talking about it,
so I would jumped on the radio. Nothing betrayed me. Peep for
Laura Kane. Maybe she was off at that time, or maybe I was
off at that time. I might have been on a break. She was.
Probably you were probably in the back rooms doing more auditions. I probably,
Well, I can't do that on company time, but you do.
So what was the audition? Are you gonna are you gonna like give us
some lines or yeah? Okay. The movie has an awesome title. What
it's called Milf Money? Okay, And I play a retired porn star who
did all the milf stuff and my boyfriend finds out about my porn past.
Oh no, okay, I'll be the boyfriend if you want to be the
okay, So here just read here, read this off my phone. I
have the you know, I have the Yeah, I have the script on
my phone. So just just read write there okay, okay, yeah,
okay, and and I'll tell you exactly. Thank you all for all the
hearts, guys, Oh my god, so great aways. Okay, bitch,
I just found out that you have sucked dick a lot on TV Internet
TV. What the hell, gar It's not true. My name's not Garrett.
Is that the last guy you stooped? I'm Ralph. Do you even
remember my name? Ralph? Maybe you still do adult films? Ralph Garrett,
listen, sit, it is my middle name. I forgot. I
know. I always call you Garrett, baby doll. I mean, I
can't be held responsible for my past. I had to do what I needed
to do to get through nursing school. You're not a nurse. I was
going to be see. That was pretty good. That was right there,
right there? You like that? That was actually believable. Disagree with that?
It seemed a little seemed a little woody to me. Would okay?
I have a host chat. So it's a show I watched this weekend.
It was very much up my alley because it's a like a film noir ish
Eric, can you get a little closer to me here? Not in the
camera? Very thank you. We want to this show to be professional.
Thank you. It is called Ripley. It's on Netflix and it's shot completely
in black and white and white or post production produced at black and white.
Uh, Eric, I didn't know you knew that much about film behind the
scenes. Well, I've been on so many film sets, that's true.
I forgot. I forgot. Okay, well I don't. I don't know
the answer to that. I'm I'm assuming that producer Brian no, I'm assuming
No. I believe it was authentically black and white film. I don't know.
I mean, I do know, but I'm not going to tell you
because I don't feel like explain it to you right now. That's fair anyway.
The story now, look, it's slow, but it's good. I'm
out. It's six episodes, it's a limited series, and the shots are
so incredibly beautiful and artistic. And I think that Laura, I don't think
you'd be a fan Eric for sure, because you appreciate the finer things in
life, of course, like my favorite movie, The body Man's hit Man's
Bodyguard's Wife. Oh in three d Oh my god, that sounds so stupid.
What's your favorite who's your favorite artist? Again? I'm sorry, Kelly
Clarkson or her mistress? Uh, miss Bernard ch Miss Bernard Bernard songstresses har
Donna, the way her boobs sit in that little corset she wears. Oh
my god, you guys are so ridiculous, Laura. It looks like you're
a melting on the count right. You should see my ass crack. My
vagina is so wet. Oh my god. Please please, as your producer,
I beg you please, Let's not go down that rabbit hole. Okay,
guys, I'm trying to. Let's just try to be like, you
know, cool. My my underwear just slid hot. Okay, if I
was wearing any Eric, yes, producer, Brian shut up with Laura.
Why are you answering for Eric? Geez? Oh? Sorry, guess what.
It's the Daily Dirt. It is, indeed, and there is a
lot of boring news I need to bring you. Oh my god, stuff
is so important. If you didn't know immediately, you wouldn't care afterwards.
Okay. Number one country artist Morgan Wallam was arrested for throwing a chair from
a rooftop bar in Nashville. I heard about that. Why who's Morgan?
Was Dick. He's like a country artist. He's like, he's huge,
a huge country art. Hate country music, country music. I know,
but I know who people are because I actually watched the news. Unlike somebody
else. I know there political news. I know that for a fact.
Excuse me, I'm a huge Elton John fan and the things are just falling
off my Yes. Of course, though last time you went to Elton John
concert you left after thirty minutes. Yes, Brian, I had some shopping
to do. I need to get like an Elton John pillow. Yes.
Anyways, moving on, wrote the new Romeo and Juliette movie Coming Out,
director slams barrage of racial abuse towards star Francesca am A Wooda Rivers. They
cast a Tom Holland and this new lady who is African American, and everyone
is not happy with that. So the director is everybody just get real chilled
the break out. That's right. That's a little heavy even news topic for
our show. That just seems a little like that wouldn't happen these days,
you know, like, what, what's the what's the big uproar? Why?
Why? What's the problem. I'm surprised. Producer Brian's on our side
always say he was a huge racist. I know, thanks a lot.
Anyways, Oddly, my phone didn't recognize my face. You look at you
don't look at day over thirty five, darling, Thank you, Eric,
God you're thirty five hundred years. You're so sweet to me. Anyways.
Jonathan Majors, who was attached, was a star of the Marvel universe,
but he was dropped after he was convicted of domestic assault. But he was
just sentenced by avoided jail time. Jonathan Major's that is, he beat his
girlfriend or I'm sorry, domestic assaulted his girlfriend Grace Jabbardi in the back of
their car last March, but he was only required to do fifty two weeks
of in person therapy. Interesting. Wow, shocking is that it were?
Oh good, Jesus, do you have you know who Stephen Baldwin is?
Yeah? Did you maybe? Did you hear about his daughter? Tell me
about it? She was arrested. She was arrested at a nightclub because she
got into a fight with one of the bartenders and she pulled out her tampon
and threw it and then she punched a bouncer in the face. Shocked,
I didn't hear that news. Yeah, Oh, here's a big one.
Sasha barre Conan and Isla Fisher divorcing fourteen Oh way, no way. Why
if I was straight, I would hit up I would hit up Ela Fisher
so fat, big time. She is so stinking sexy? What happened my
mistress? If she could die it, Eric, why don't you just get
a real I would she knows? I exist, she'd be She'd be Isla
Rimmer Fisher. Huh, she'd be Isla Fisher Rimmer. Oh, Isla Fisher
Rimmer. Anyways, there you does it really matter? I'll take her if
it helps. Uh. Cole brings plenty star or an actor in the hit
show nineteen twenty three, the prequel to Yellowstone, was found dead at twenty
seven oh in the middle of the woods, not far from his car.
No cause of death has been reported. They have no clue. Oh no,
Johnson County, Johnston County, Kansas. No freaking nowhere. That sound
don't get to Kansas. Oh way, I say. Oh, And shockingly,
Lizzo is actually not quitting music now, she's just quitting negative energy.
I quit that show show, honey, what shoe? That's what I live
on, man, I wish you would quit. That's what I live on.
Negative energy. Speaking of which, uh, well, no, keep
going, keep going. Sorry sorry? Actually, actually did you hear about
Kiss? They're sell their whole catalog, their catalog of their music and everything.
Kiss related for three hundred million dollars to some uh some company called Pophouse
Entertainment, and now they're going to develop a hologram show. So those dudes
don't even have to perform. They're going to be holograms. Now, could
that? Yeah? That way, I wouldn't have to drive all the way
in here. It would be great as long as I have to wear underwear.
Yeah. Actually, and I could just do my traffic reports twenty four
seven from your bed lord. You would love that. I know. Oh
my god. I wouldn't even have to get out of bed. I feel
like I could do anyway. It's like Chill twenty four to seven. Also,
I have one more piece of this. One's a little more interesting.
So there's a there's a famous set of conjoined twins name Brittany and Abby Hensel,
and they just got married one of them. Did I heard this?
So the big question is are they doing it? What's the other twins doing?
One probably does anal and the other one takes it the regular way.
That's not really how their heads are aligned. But well, they they're saying
that two heads one body. They're saying that if they she's feeling if one
she's feeling it. They're both feeling. Both brains are feeling. Let me
just read their statement. Okay, this is what they said on x formally
Twitter, because everyone is asking, We're just going to tell you. Yes,
I have sex with my husband. Yes, I go down on him.
I guess her face is just also kind of there. Yes, my
sister Brittany is there. Yes, my sister organ and orgasm is one.
But when I sleep with my husband, she's usually reading a book, or
for listening to a true crime podcast, or she just puts the pleasure out
of her mind. How does one just listen to a podcast? Well ahead
also attached? You just casually getting plow next to you? Hold on?
How do you read a book if you've got to? Are you just like
hold on? Are you just like with another feast? Basically? Now,
look, if you grew up like that, you know how to detach yourself,
I would think medically speaking, of course, medically speaking, detach yourself,
I don't know. Yeah, why don't you guys just separate from a
minute? Jesus? I mean, does the one close her eyes? I
don't get it, probably, But my question is how awkward was it losing
their virginity and they had never done that before. And did the guy who
did that? Was he sleeping with two people or just one? Two two
brains? But two people, two brains. You have two individuals. But
does one of the brains like it in the butt and one likes it in
the I don't know. I don't know what happens when the other one wants
to get married? Well, this is I know right, Okay, man,
you're having sex with my wife? No, it's my wife. Here's
my question, like, if he's going downtown, do they both like are
they both like? Yeah? That's what That's what the statement said. That
would be weird. That would be like having a stereo. Yeah. What
I'm curious is as a man, Eric, Well, no, you wouldn't
let me answer this. Let me answer this, Okay, okay, okay,
okay, as a man, yes, straight man, I think it
would be fantastic to have two women orgasm at the same time. From just
me you, yes, I think it would be fantastic. As mine.
I think you would actually hate that. Brian. I'm calling your mom and
telling her what you just said. Oh God, he's gonna love that.
Don't worry. I'll I'll don't worry, Laura. I'm gonna send this to
Brian's my mom. I'm gonna send this to my mom. Only the good
stuff, only the good stuff, stuff about the show. Ripley. She'll
like that. Oh yeah, I'm sure she will. Anyway, I follow
your mom and she follows me, and she loves me, so yeah yeah,
oh yeah, Brian's mom loves me. Yeah. She told me that
you like everything she posts. Oh, I totally do. It's not weird.
Yeah. Anyways, what I thought was most interesting about these conjoined twins
is she says that she also goes down in her husband, which means the
sister trying to listen to the true crime podcast is just bobbing up in the
water while she's trying to enjoy her podcast. Again. Detachment, detachment,
detachment. Well, those those heads are stuck together, so I don't know
how much you can attach. Okay, I guess if one got tired of
giving a blowjob, the other one would just I don't think that. I
don't think they'd take turns now ken Okay, time out, time out?
Okay, Producer Brian May I join the couch, and can we actually talk
about the eclipse in real life, our real life beings. Well, Brian,
there's really not want to join the couch for where are you gonna sit
right in between both of you? That's okay, you can stay where you're
at, but that people on Instagram can't see me, and that's not fair
to people on Instagram. That's okay, we keep it that way. Never
had the problem with it before. Actually, I mean I never want me
to do, Brian, like do everything on the show. Do you want
me to go over there and run the controls while you're up here? Well,
that would be a nightmare of Laura. If you ran the controls,
Laura, I bet the show would be a ship show. Now it probably
would. Jesus, hey, has a show been running fine so far for
the most part, For the most part, Yes, Brian, you always
do a bang up job. Usually not tonight totally. Anyways, I did
watch the eclipse though, so did I. And you know what, I
made one of those little boxes, those little like things you do in a
oh you oh where did you get those? Amazon? And I can't see
a thing more? Eric, Those are so cool? Okay, wait,
wait, we want to wear a pair? Oh? I really wanted some
of those sixteen bucks for three. Downside is I can't see a fucking thing
right now. God, that's what I need. Did you see the eclipse?
I did? I did? Was it cool? Was it worth the
sixteen dollars? Yeah? Sure, It's one of those things that if you
see it, great if you If you don't, you'll be bummed for about
two minutes and then you'll forget about it. Well okay, oh wow,
is it completely blacked out? The only thing I can see is very faintly
those lamps. I can't. Oh yeah, I can barely see. That's
literally and the ring a little bit. So good. Your skin is so
smooth, Thank you you? Okay, so dark? Are you doing black
face? Totally? Here's what I did. So. I didn't prepare because
I just didn't. I don't know. But I was reading on Sunday night
that the peak of the eclipse was at eleven eleven exactly, and that supposedly
is a magical number if you believe. But Laura, if you believe with
Laura things, I'm surprised you're even reading that, Producer, Ryan jo,
No, it just happened to be on my feed. I mean I didn't
want to read in it, but uh, so I decided, you know,
why not, I'm how what I'm gonna be forty almost fifty by the
next by the time this happens again, I don't forty four. So anyway,
I decided, I'm just going to go out and sit outside and see
if it gets darker or you know, feels cooler, or if I can
feel the actual sun getting less and less and less. And I made one
of those boxes and you prick a hole in it and you look in the
box and you can see it. I can't see for shit right now,
Like my eyes are messed up. I did not look at the sun.
I did not look directly at the eclipse. But I looked in the box
at the little pinhole at the sun. And I'm not kidding. My eyes
are screwed right now. Wait with the pinhole, you're supposed to look at
the projection of the pinholes. I did anything else. I did down into
the box. It doesn't make sense, I know, but I know it
doesn't make sense. I did not look at the side, I really didn't,
but oh my god, I stared at that, at that projection.
I looked down in the box. I put the white thing on the box
at the right at the bottom, and then I covered half of it and
I poked the hole and you could see the little thing and you could see
that little moon shaped sun parts as it was going, as the full effect
was happening. And then still right now, I like, one eye sees
blurry, one eye sees like kind of a cross eye. I feel crazy
you you looked at it wrong. Yeah, normally, Producer Brian, I
feel like you'd be smarter than that. Yeah. I thought I was being
smart. I didn't, I swear did and look at the sun my Thursday
show. He'll be back to his normal Yeah, I think so. Oh
did uh producer Brian bring his dong or something? That's what's going on anyway.
Uh So that was pretty cool. I'm surprised, Laura that you did
not go out into the sun and and and like magically infuse your crystals or
something. Yeah. I'm surprised you also didn't stare directly at into it.
Considering producer Brian, I was very busy at work. Where do you work
doing what job? iHeartRadio? Oh you worked there? Yes, I was
doing the traffic. You just had a gig? No? No, no,
you mean my my part time acting yes, no, no, no,
no no, that was just to reading that I did. She hasn't
gotten any gigs yet, Okay, I know, but I'm sure hoping that
I get this milk one. You look a lot like a milk I know.
I mean, you, guys, your hair looks kind of cute.
Oh wait, I wouldn't say that, never weird. God, thank you,
producer Bride. God, you've got such a good eye hair. I'm
gonna come over just so people on Instagram can see what I look like like.
Producer Brian is dying for some attention. I am dying for some attention.
I know. Wait, God, that's so sweet of you to wear.
I'm going to sit on this dog Elvis. I'm not gonna fart anyway.
I mean, hi, guys, don't fart on my dog. Okay,
So we should probably end this because it's been too long, unless you
guys have something else you want to talk about. I mean, I'm trying
to be a producer. I'm trying to be a better producer to you guys,
because you know I'm almost here two years now. I know. Oh
my gosh, you guys, Jana Reeves is coming. Apparently I was based
on things I maybe know, but can't really. Almost May. Right next
month, we're having a big anniversary party for Brian. There's going to be
some very interesting things happening, like we're hoping to have it at Sequan.
We love Sequon, we love Sequon. I know you're working on that.
How's that coming? I am It's coming along great? Is there? Yes?
Yes, Brian is going to be so excited. I bet I thought
there was another occasion for the party as well. I don't think, seeing
as it was be on the twenty fourth of me. Oh yeah, it's
my birthday. Oh no, we're doing that different day. Yes, it's
going to be my birthday in Brian's anniversary and I want everybody to be there.
It's going to be super fun. And you know, Brian's second anniversary,
my sixtieth birthday. I thought there was. I mean, I'm trying
to be cool here. I'm trying to be cool, dude, I'm not
even getting drive Vagina. What else did you say, Harry Vagina and Zipper
awfully crashed and weren't listening. I didn't say that I had a drive Vagina,
But how did you know? I I s not say that I had
to drive China. But it does sound like whatever I have to do anything.
Rather, it does sound like I'm just crunching up a handful of leaves.
I would know. I swing everywhere I go. I know we all
know that you don't have uh we're underwear, and that you have baby big
junk, Laura. I just I just want to get a gander at that
dress full force. Can you stand up please? Well, it's new,
it came I would love to see it. It came from a grals.
Uh, okay, let's see. Look at your body. Your boob's kind
of looking at Look at your body. Wow, I've been working out and
yeah, it's you can and see that just the hairy butthole of your Cleavid,
your pads are coming out, by the way. Oh god, you're
a disaster, a complete disaster. Time to go see doctor Wheedler again,
I know. Oh my god, you guys, I think it was a
different doctor that did doctor Swiston. There you go, Thank you doctor Swiston
for these babies. Yeah, all right, guys, I think it's time
to wrap up the show because we're like going on almost an hour now.
Oh my god, we had so much to talk about, you guys.
We have to talk about what else? I don't know. Wow, you
seem really unprepared. Yeah, really, you know it? Eric? Are
you going to go back to Ross with me to return this? Oh?
I don't know. I you know, lasked my waiting there. They gave
me dirty looks because I may have broken several toilets in the process of you
trying on that dress? Do you think that that dress being worn by you,
Laura sweating in it and everything, is the one of the worst things
ever returned to Ross? What do you think is one of the worst things
ever returned to Ross? I think it'd be worse if I wore it with
my sweaty butt crack syndrome, with everything. Oh my god, Eric,
you would probably you would probably look so good in this. Probably. I
mean we are pretty much the same size. I bet we would look pretty
similar if I was wearing if Eric me erk Rimer was wearing it, you
would, you would probably. We're both like a size for at least.
Yeah, totally. I really would like to know. Ryan would never say
that? What what what would you like to say? I want to see
the underwear you're wearing store behind it considering that or is it just too obscene.
Well it can you, Sharon stonis a little bit maybe because you said,
Laura, did you take your underwear off before we No, no,
no, I want to say that I have that were the case, I
mean, producer Brian, that's kind of personal because you know, I have
on my special Monday underwear, which are for when I go out on my
tender dates after the show. Right, no action because that can't physically happen,
you know, with it being kind of without my monostat seven right now,
it is rather dry. By the way, I don't remember what it's
called. You probably have that too. I'm glad that you know. But
my underwear, I have underwear that says different things on it. My my
Monday underwear says choking hazard on it. Oh god, it would be a
real treat, a real treat. Or is it too obscene? Honestly?
Well, we want to see his camel toe? Yeah, I don't really
want you to see my camera. I don't want to see choking hazard with
the How about this? I didn't lord give those wait didn't wait, I
don't know. Now. I gave them. I gave them to Eric,
oh yes, for Christmas, and then I gave them back to you clearly.
Yeah, and you gave them back to me when you found out that
I had to drive Vagina. Oh my god, I hate both of you,
right, it's so bad, so bad. I do after after the
show, on Thursday's show, I'll give them back to you, Eric,
and you can hold them up and show everybody what I was wearing. Once
I grow some facial hair again, maybe there might be some like old leaves
in there. I'm going to cut you know what, Hey, what am
I doing? I've controlled this show. I can just cut this off right
now. Why haven't I cut it off? I know? Oh we have
to lock out? Yeah? Yeah, so are we locking out? Yeah?
I think that's time. Thank God, because I need to so wrap
it up. Oh my god. Thank you everybody for watching. We love
you. Thank you to our sponsors, Jay Wurtzler and the Way of Cosmetics.
Thank you all. We love you, we love you, we love
you, love your podcast, and love you my sweet babies. Eric.
I love you, thank you. I love this show. Thank you.
I love Cinema. I love you. Producer Ryan Okay, m hmm,
little mediocre on you right now. Starting to get a little annoyed myself.
I love you, Eric, I too have a choking handswer I just took
my underwear so not able to wear that. I'm going to go up and
chase Oh man, Yeah, Eric, time is taken. Log out.
We have another show to do, do we? Yes? There's one more.
Ryan needs to dry like five minutes? Yes, probably thirty? Yeah?
Yeah? Can you just lock out? I need to change for the
next show? Can we go to Ross after this? Sure? Wait?
Hold on? What do I do when when we pushed? When you got?
When you finally say it? I think maybe you should fade back to
the start screen. Oh really, Eric? And then have you been watching
TikTok or YouTube? Look? The dirty secret is that producer Brian has been
coming to me for technical advice for a long time. That's how I'm able
to show pictures on my phone straight to the stream. Is technology like that?
That's great? Brian needs help with that something. Can you log out?
Please? Yeah? I just thought maybe you want to see some more
pictures I have. Oh my god, my eyes aren't so good, so,
oh my god. We gotta give producer Brian a second to figure what
he's doing over there. Here's another picture from the person logging your podcast.
Oh have another picture. Oh no, no, you said it. Good
night you, sir Brian just pushed a good night, good night your podcast.
Thank you, Brian. Wait will not be able to reconnect