He's gay, Dush. He's gay. No gay, I just say that.
No, he's gay for you, Dutch. He only wants you our
filmation. Now please, I'm not gay. He bring your gay, so
bring your gay for me. And I'm not gay with you. Please don't
just do him to these lying and he's gay for you Dutch. No,
I'm mad a hero the way I'm hanging out with a couple of queers.
What do you mean a couple of queers. No, I'm not gay.
It's just him, my life, a couple of queer boards. Hey look,
he said, hey, look is it? Hey? Look is it?
Hey? Hey, hey, hey e everybody welcome, Welcome to the
snark Tank Podcastn't my desk is on fire, don't worry about it. We're
gonna sleep in. Man, what do I What do I got to say
today? Snark Tank dot shop for all of your hilarious merchandising needs. We've
got scumbag shirts, We've got a metal tea, We've got all sorts of
bullshit over there, and more more to come as well, So pop on
over there. Snart Tank dot shop, Patreon dot com, slash a snark
tank for everything else. We're hungry we're starving over here. Can't you see
my desk is burning, everything's falling apart over here? You can if you're
watching the video, if you're watching the video podcast, you might be able
to see kind of in the background that I'm testing out some some setups for
when we're going to be all in person very soon, getting some getting the
feel for like the dimensions of the room, how many chairs, how long
the table should be, how why everything should be. So it's pretty exciting
times things are in flux, things are in motion. Uh, and yeah,
it's it's it'll be it'll be fun figuring this stuff out. And by
fun I mean TV. But where is that? Yeah? Yeah, extremely
yeah, I I uh uh i I I just this whole moving thing is
it's it's draining me so so badly. It's it's training, man. It's
do you remember case and do you remember when we moved into I guess we
could say whatever when we moved into the avalon and we had we spent like
I think we got about like six am that day and we finished at like
one am the next day. Was like nine of us. It was Lily,
Whiskey, me, you, Gabby justin there was a lot of people
helping, but like it was, we were moving. We were moving like
four people's things, basically like four people's lives into an apartment, and it
was just like, man, that was not fun at all. Even though
the drive was like a relatively short with that truck, it still took so
goddamn long. It was so fucking excrossted. We had to bring so much
shit up the stairs. Man, did I ever tell the story about like
one of the friend when we moved into the Islive Branch apartment, the first
apartment that we ever moved into in Burbank where we were driving and the mountains
were the mountains were on fire when we were moving in, like it was.
I remember it was October one, twenty seventeen. I remember this very
very vividly, because Lyle was moving in on the same day too, like
across the street, and we were like going back and forth with this big
U haul dropping stuff off. I dropped off. I think I gave Lyle
my fridge or something from the old place that we had to buy because the
apartment didn't come with a fucking fridge, so we I remember specifically, or
we were moving in and in this building there was no signal at all,
and I had ordered food while I was inside because I was like, oh
my god, I'm so hungry. It's one hundred and fourteen degrees. God,
it was so high. As it was raining, as it's raining ash
as we're doing hard labor moving this stuff into the apartment, and my food
just I guess it just didn't the ordered in transmit because the Wi Fi was
all fucked up, or like the Internet was all fucked up in that area.
And I was with Jalen in the U haul driving back to the apartment
to pick up more stuff, and I got the ping that my food was
on the way, and I was like, Jalen, I have to go.
And I at a stop light at at a stoplight at like an intersection,
I walked out of the truck and ran back to the apartment to get
my food because I was so hungry. It's so deliered. I was driving
like with my sh sure it off, dude. It was one hundred and
fourteen degrees. I'm not exaggerating. It was so fucking hot, dude.
Isn't it crazy that noticeably since we've lived here, the deather of California has
changed that much I don't think it's ever been that hot ever since. Like
dude, it doesn't get anywhere near that high anymore around us. Yeah,
hitting the bones. It is crazy in this area. Now. That's probably
to be fair. Yeah, to be fair too. Fires on the very
mountain fires don't happen the same way anymore. Remember that is true. We've
been a good fire. Uh yeah, because after a while, you have
to you have to you have to change things to make sure ship like that
doesn't happen anymore. I remember, I remember the one time I I we
did Dave Rubins in twenty seventeen, and yeah, when I did it,
his just two blocks over. He was like, oh, he's like,
by the way, there's a good chance we might have to eva. We'll
just see what happens. And I was like, yeah, this is this
feels stupid. Like I was just like it's so close that I was like
it. But they're like, oh, the the wind is blowing the other
way, so like you know, Dave Ruben sounds like no, the wind
is the other way into And I was like why would I was like,
you have money, why don't you just leave? Like why would you leave?
It? Just no, we gotta work. We gotta fucking work,
and eventually, you know, he booked it out of there. But definitely
did I love we were We were talking a little bit before before the podcast
about like this vague because I was talking to Mick also, and there is
this I don't know if you feel this way, but like I feel this
vague sense of nostalgia for like the beginning, like the really early days of
like the pandemic, like real like the first like week or two, like
when we were like in lockdown and it was like, Oh, what's gonna
happen? Like what's going on? Doom an animal crossing? Are oute?
Everybody's like everybody, it's like a weird there's like a weird energy in the
air where you're like, I'm not sure where this is gonna go. And
I think when we found out, I can't. I don't. There was
something interesting about it at least, and like once it got to the point
where it's like, oh, we're gonna be here for months and months and
months, then the novelty wore off a little bit. But dude, the
air was cleaner, the traffic was way fucking better. Things were like kind
of cheap. We got a free we got a free month, We got
a free apartment basically as a result of that. So like it was a
lot of good ship and like my life barely changed. We work it from
home anyway, So like from my perspective, it was like this is kind
of yeah, you quit Starbucks finally, which is something that you should have
done a while ago. To be fair. Io I got an awesome job
out of it. Let's see, Lily was gone for like three four weeks.
Peace, Peace from Lily. There was something about it was it's almost
like it so almost like do you guys remember like being like a kid and
like when the power would go out and there was kind of like there was
kind of like this, oh okay, we're gonna bust out the lantern or
whatever. Like things were like the flashlights. Well I lived in the Bronx
so and flashlights. No, we had flashlights, but they were like there
were like several break ins whenever the power went out. Like there's like one
time, I think in four there was a blackout and Fordham Road got destroyed.
It wasn't black Big Edison blackout East Coast? Where was it? Two
thousand and three? Yeah, you're basing you're basically in the ballpark. That
was crazy, dude. It was what they they did so pretty much.
You might not know that. You might know if you've been to the Bronx.
I don't. I know, you've been to Queens and you've been meant
a highend before. But in the Bronx over like a man, you know
where where downtown Burdbank is, that's pretty much Fordham Road. They in the
Bronx they ran sat like literally they were TV stories were without TVs, there
were no stereos, PlayStations were like. It was insane. They emptied that
bit out. That's crazy. Did you see that? Did you see that?
Trump? And I wanted to go out? And my Grandma's like,
hell no, you want to say, of course I would have. I
would have got another one. Did you see that Trump rally in the Bronx,
by the way, Yeah, broke my heart. I mean it's not
real. Yeah. He was jacking his dicks off again, yeah constantly,
Jack, Like I was like, what, look, I know there's like
a boogie, but like he he does these downward like it kind of goes
downward where he's really servicing. It's no shoulders. Yeah, it doesn't just
arm and like some of hip you shoulders with it too. That stance,
what is what that stance where he's like he's it's almost doing right, like
but his legs are like doing it kind of. But then his he's like
you know Michael in Smooth Criminal where they do that they do that move where
like they're going down and like it's it's kind of like that and it's I
don't want to give him any credit, but like I was like, I
can't stand like that. That's kind of impressive. I don't get it.
His center of gravity is all in his feet apparently, like it's very strange.
He's always he's always leaning severely forward, like it's very bizarre, Like
I really don't understand his his biology at all. It's very drew him as
a what is it what are they called centaurs where they the horse people?
Yeah, yeah, right, someone drew him is and it looked I was
like that that makes so much sense because when you just add like the horse
part with the legs so where he's like kind of forward and I was like
that that actually looks like he should have been that And then he got stopped
like like maybe he took a potion, and he was like, gun a
morph but then it only worked about like seven percent. And he's like he
got stopped at the very first, like the first transition stage of an animorph,
like the very the very first one, as soon as there's a phenotypic
difference. He got stopped. Such a fucking afterwheling transformation. I'm like,
oh yeah, I'm I'm five percent horse waste of a power you could have.
You could have been so strong, you could have been so strong,
and yet you chose to stop. You got that horses if they sleep that
like if like they can't lay down because their organs will crush them. Is
that? Is that real? I don't know. I don't wait wait,
wait, wait, wait, what do you mean do I don't know what
I mean? Like, what are you saying I lay down? I know
that I remember hearing something about like, you know what as I'm saying this.
I don't know if any part of this story is correct, because I
don't remember if it was horses, I don't remember, if it was laying
down, I don't remember if it was organs, and I don't remember,
like what the fuck there was something like that. Somebody in the child will
know what I'm talking about. It was like going around on Twitter for a
while where like if you tip a cow or something, it'll die because the
weight of its organs will like suffocate it or or something like that, like
some weird shit. Well yeah, well cows, Yeah, yeah, they'll
they'll they'll figure it out. Although I'm fascinated consistently by the by just the
makeup of those animals because they're so their legs are so fucking spindily, like,
it doesn't make any sense that they're able to stand like cows. It's
confusing. How do they have like the multiple stomachs thing? Creep me out?
That's the thing where, yeah, what do you need that for?
Because of what they eat? Because they just eat grass. Though they eat
grass, what happens is when you eat think, when you eat vegetation like
that, it has a cell wall, and the cell walls hard. It
doesn't really break down with stomach acid stomach. I don't know. I didn't.
I didn't build them, you know I didn't. Would you ask God?
Like, just stop don't ask. Well, I'm just saying. I'm
saying, like I eat way, I eat way more different types of things
than cow's eat, And I do it all complex. That's why when you
eat corn, it doesn't come out finished. You're telling me why I don't
eat corn. You're telling me that. You're telling me that a pizza is
less complex than grass. Get fucked. Pizza is more degradable in stomach acid
than grasses. Yes, that doesn't make it less complex, but it helps
it. It's less digestively complex. I disagree. I don't care. I
don't care. I don't care about fuck fucking cows. Man, just they
need to chill out with that ship cut out. You know, let's let's
you know, you know, in fact, cows and like farm animals help
the incursive nature of forests hold back the forest. What now they don't they
do? They do? Like there's not being insane. They do like animals
that animals that gray and stuff like that they're minor and stuff like that helps
prevent the forest from overshaping the areas. It actually does. It's true,
it's true, it really does. Believe sure it isn't. Man. Man.
Man also does the most help. Man does most of the man chomping
down the forest violently. But I've seen I've seen fringally. Man. Come
on, I felt so differently about those types of animals like live livestock and
like horses and like those when I went to like a farm and I saw
a horse with like flies dancing around in its eyes, like just chilling on
its eyeball just like slurping away and its fucking eye juices. And the horse
just doesn't the horse doesn't even do this, which is crazy, like it
even like he doesn't even like brush the brush the flies away, which is
nuts. How are you that comfortable with his hooves? And you know,
just kind of like, well, dude, even just like even the way
even dogs do that, even like the even dogs are like you know,
and they got fairly rigid fucking legs. You know, I'm trying to picture
a horse. I mean a horse will probably I imagine if it was true,
Well that is like this. First of all, you're right, that
is crazy. I hate that. But let's say something that is like truly
bothersome. I'm sure they'll bend their head down and then rub their head on
their legs. Probably. That's what's crazy though about it is that it's like,
how is that not? But how what is your what is your barometer
for bothers them? If you don't mind these horrifying, fucking creatures dancing around
on the very thing that you use to perceive the world. Like I don't.
I I can't relate the horses for that reason, and for that reason,
I'm out. I think that means they're more evolved because they're less bothered
by stuff. No, they're less technically because they're willing to put up with
They're willing to put up with mediocrity. Damn. Maybe horses eyes aren't real.
Maybe like may well, first and foremost, they can't see wait wait
wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, we gotta so are you saying
that they see with something that they're they have decoy eyes and they're actually seeing
with something else that we don't understand is that it's like one of those butterflies
have like the pattern on their backs, but they really there aren't eyes makes
their eyes. Yeah. See that's how this is how you this is why
horses, uh you know how they put the blinders on like that. That
ain't that that's bullshit. Like horses can still see just fine with blinders,
but they they they don't. They want they want people to know that.
So it's been an evolutionary advantage or something. I love the idea if you
stand right next to horse, the kids like right in front of themselves,
they can't see you, right. So like the idea of being in front
of a horse and standing still and then peeking over the side and yelling or
some ship it's scaring the funk out of the horse. Just have it,
Just turn around and kick the fun out of your face. I wish I
could kick as hard as a horse could. Man, I would go I
would do it, Evan Man, I would fucking end people's careers. I
would end motherfucker's careers. I would realize it can't be no time training,
he's not prepared, and there's ship with fold. It can't be that difficult.
It can't be that difficult to kick as hard as a horse can because
like a horse, a horse is, like a horse is one horse power.
You know what a human is, not a horse. I know a
human. I know a human can handle more than one horse power. I've
seen people getting fine. I wouldn't say fine, yeah, that's definitely,
I say, I say alive, it's definitely that's ave. Yeah, for
sure, for sure, you're absolutely right that that is exactly how we calculate
horsepower. You you're one about that? How many horses? I'm about to
look that up. I never really do. How many horses is this car?
Yeah? What is horsepower? Horse? It's gonna be it really is.
I think it actually straight up is just powerful, like the idea that
we one horse, right, yeah, the pulling power of one horse,
which is crazy like that. We just decided to measure things that would be
like if if we measured money and cat dollars or something. What horsepower is
very simple. Horsepower is five hundred feet per pound per second, five people
pomp per second. That makes sense equals for so, one horse equals five
hundred normal people's feet. Is that what you're saying? No, let me
bring one horse equals wait wait wait wait wait hold on, one horse equals
five hundred normal people kicks one horse kick? Is that what that means?
That's impossible. I don't think we're talking horse power equld five hundred people's kicks.
That'd be insane. Yeah, because they're not talking about they're not talking
about pounds per square inch of like force. They're talking about just like pulling
power. No, but they said feet specifically, so they're clearly talking about
heat. So horsepower equals h force per pound times distance over time in mind,
don't teach me, mathew, asshole, fuck you simple. No,
I'm not here for math. I'm not here. Nobody's here for math.
Let's move on to what what we really need to be talking about is ruined
everything, bro, Like, that's stupid to be human powers and they sucked
it up. Power strong basards, goddamn hor assholes. You ever been next
to a giant horse like a Clydesdale or something, It actually scares me.
It's fucking scary because they're so they're beautiful, they're so big, like if
something just ran under it and scared it, and then it just bumps you
like you're not knocking you down, like it's it's gonna hurt. You're gonna
talking about big horses. Big horses are so powerful that it frightens me.
You have Clydesdale. I've never been to Clydesdale. I don't I know the
big the big really horses with the wooly legs and they're like reddish and they
have the white hair. Are you talking about the pokemon? That's not real?
Kingston? I don't know if you know that which was that called again?
Is that what you're talking? That's not Listen and rappid ash I remember,
I feel like I actually it is, Oh my god, it is.
Yeah, I told you it's But if you're Spanish, your Spanish,
you'll say yeah, because I guess thats a y so yeah you wouldn't.
Yeah. I want to put it like p o in with that little squeakly
thing over it. And this is my this is my autistic flamehrse. Listen,
we gotta move on. We have a really important story to talk don't.
We don't got to move on. We haven't. Don't be a whole
you have no, we have an important thing to talk about for once.
What's up? What's up? Ocean gate? The submarine, it's happening again,
doing it again? They want to do it again. And this is
see. I I'm really excited about this because I think this is exactly the
unifying force that we need. I feel like we just need to periodically,
like maybe annually, even if we make this like an annual thing, just
send a couple of billionaires into a submarine really really low and watch them crumble
and implode. And then I feel like that that could be like we would.
We will never have a society where we have like a purge or something
like that or anything like crazy. But I feel like this is something that
we could Theoretically, we could muster this, I think into reality. We
could manifest it if you will, and I'm all for it. So you
don't think that they'll catch on after a while. I don't think they will.
I think they'll I think they're hubris and their humors will get the best
of them and they will be like, we don't actually, you know what,
actually don't think we need to improve anything about the submarine. I think
really what we need to do is I think they just I think I think
the people who were in there just didn't know how to do it, So
let me do it, and then year after year there will be the same
submarine with the same Logitech controller and the same fucking types of people going down
there and imploding. I think it is a logit. I think it is
there. I think it is actually their moral imperative to make sure that every
time the submarine goes down, everybody on board dies. I actually don't think
this, I I I really don't think there would be a purpose to doing
this. If that wasn't because what what are you doing? What are you
getting out of a submarine? Ride outside? Like? What do you see
the water cool? I could just take a bath, you know, it's
just stupid, same thing. I go in the water in my bathtob I
get scared the same way, and I come up, let's look at it.
I'm gonna read a little bit of this because I wanted to know.
Uh sure, and Ohio billionaire is planning to take a deep sea submersible to
the Titanic. It's always the Titanic depths, like who gives a fuck?
Who cares? Footage of that ship already that you can watch that will look
better than being there. That's the thing. That's that's okay anyway, So
yeah, real estate investor Larry of course he's a billionaire because he's a real
estate investor. Of course, Larry O'Connor. Of course, this guy,
when I see can you a better group? Can you think? This is
what I'm saying. It's like, can you think of a better group of
people to be sent underwater into a into a submersible and imploded? I could
ready for that, yet you're not ready for that? But yeah, wait,
whoa whoa, whoa gonna I'm not gonna say yeah yeah, actually because
absolutely prejudice. Absolutely prejudice. That's what it sounds. Probably probably like you
and Hitler are like, hey, it was good? What never you like?
Like I like you? Like you be happy with the people I chose.
Don't get me wrong, but like, like it was good you you
he w on board with that, homie. Like I'm saying, bro,
we can make better try not make better people. You know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying, right, Like, let's be real bad.
Stop pussy fighting. Bro, let's let's bro a thousand years yet stupid?
Look all right, all right, so yeah we're gonna get billionaires.
I like it. So who's who's going with this guy on the first trip.
Let's say that there's there's ten seats, who's going who's going with?
I just would know. I want to know Mark Cuban died for some reason.
I don't know why. I just want to know he's dead, Like
I want to know for some reason he's not terrible. He's actually not a
terrible guy, but I want to know he's probably one of like the least
egregious ones, Like I know something about him makes me think he should not
be here. He's let me look deep down, I'm sure he's probably doing
a lot of like he's probably still doing some ship that we're not aware of.
I'm sure if I look and do a deep dive of Mark Cuban like
get really pissed off. But I want to believe because I think he still
owns the Mavericks. I'm assuming that's really the only reason I know him,
and so I've always sound about the Mavericks Finals. Right now, man,
the fucking is it's a good basketball it's but where's my where's my? What
is dirt? So they don't use Germans, so they look at they replaced
him. They replaced him with a what is he a Serbian or something?
Whatever? The fuck? Wait, what is he? I don't even know
what Luca Donchence is. He's like Serbian, he's something like that. If
he's not, I apologized, but I don't care. They're all they're just
white and Europeans. So it's the same thing they replaced. That's why they
got they They replaced Dirk with another white European that that is well more sensational
than Dirk. Actually, don't say that, well, Dirk was good,
but Luca is kind of a freak. You know, he's just got that
weird you know, like some of those Europeans they just have like there is
so good with shooting guns because you know, it's in their blood, like
you know, just shoot guns really well. So he's like, in the
same he's channeling his his ancestry of blasting natives from other countries to just shooting
translating that to shooting baskets like it's it's incredible, or like he's just like
because it's in their blood. It's like it's if if you palette swapped,
if you palette swapped this conversation, that is cancellable. That is a cancellable
statement, this palet. So that's why it's so great that if a European
was like, oh, these negro shoot basketball as well because it's in their
blood, that podcast would get canceled with that's already upped it. But see,
that's why it's so great that there are certain things you can just get
away with just it's like it's like doing racist uh Asian caricatures or or impressions,
like it's fucked up. But at the end of the day, no
one's gonna really do anything about it. Like if we just turned this into
like the the the King Chong cast for one day and then just went like
crazy with that, people would be like, what the is that? And
then we changed back the next day. The next day, we're back to
Snark Tank and we don't say anything about it, Like we wouldn't get canceled.
People would be like, what the fuck was that? That was crazy
and then they would move on. People would laugh at it if we if
we turned it into the Hard Art Tank and then you know, like we
just have Chris just saying the IN word fucking like for the entire two hours.
Uh, you know, we probably wouldn't be a podcast anymore. But
you're taken down. So I mean, look, Swan song, Swan song,
Like, if we don't get Keith David, it's got to be something
else, you know, Like, if we don't get Keith, then it's
gonna it's gonna be something incredibly Chris, episode five hundred, You have to
use the N word, yeah on the show, But I feel like I've
said it on the show before. I'm put in my heart r Bro,
you're being so I'm talking about you never hear me as N word one and
Derek as N word two. Yeah, that's crazy. They got to do
it if you don't do it. So general agreement, all right, we're
shaking on it right now, verbal shake, all right, not verbal digital.
Yeah, okay, so it's locked in great So yeah, okay,
So who's on the submersible? Who's on you? Got so ten spots?
This this this ohio retard is. See. The issue is that I feel
like the people who need to be on it the most are people that we've
never that we wouldn't know, you know what I mean, Like it would
be people in the shadows who are like very very wealthy but have no societal
impact as far as like what they personally bring to the table. You know,
it would be those people. It would be people like this guy.
It would be people like this guy who like, I don't know who this
fucking I've never heard of this fucking person is, but he's a fucking wealthy
cond and so like, well, yeah, but that's not the size.
We don't know who the we're Okay, I'm just I'm just saying, of
course you're right about that, but not that isn't get get Elan on there.
Yeah he was. He was number one of those. He was Ralph
just because uh he's my No, I don't want Ethan Ralph until he's like
finished, until like one day is like I'm no longer streaming anymore or something.
If he survived, what if he survives the wreckage of the implosure,
because he is equally as dense. Probably he's like holding it back like he's
like doing like like like a psych like a ionic person. Don't worry,
I got it. He's like he's like Peter Parker and Spider too when he's
like holding like the the edge, like the really all that. Mary Jane
is like, this is really heavy. He's holding the submarine together. He's
the force. And he's like, guys for yeah, and he goes like
guys run and he goes, Ethan, it's a submarine. We can't run
anywhere, like move on, go on without me, And he's like,
I mean there's if we can't show anywhere. We're stuck. They're crushed,
but there's like okay, most of them would have to have been crushed already.
No no, no, no, no no, no, it's not
bending at all. It's he's holding it back, he's like hands out extremely
then he's not only I was picturing that it just collapsed around him. There's
enough space for his body. So he's just so Ethan Ralph is just like
really his he's off, he's setting the force down there. Yeah, and
he's doing It's like, yeah, I would say that it probably more like
the the subway, the that what he's what he's when he's holding it and
he's holding his arms out Spider Man, Yeah, say so he's more like
doing that thing with this fucking ships trying to hold back it. Guys,
do you'll see it yet? Hold on, just go I love go on
without like they some reach. Elon Musk opens the fucking he opens the window
like a fucking ninety seven Volkswagen Jetna, and the ocean just rushes it.
They only got one chance, and I want I want him. I want
him to be rolling it down and until it's down all the way, the
water doesn't come in like it's like it's like a fucking car window. It
goes down side. I think, just like not only its explosion. Wait,
we gotta jump the shark, because so basically it was only that guy
Elon Musk front bezos down there. Pelosi fucking Pelosi is not a billionaire yet,
like she's she's gonna die soon anyway, it doesn't matter like waste.
I would also save her to they're like, really, just putside the clock
of the door. I wouldn't come in. Let's see. Probably probably just
a bunch of landlords like this dickhead, the Blackrock people. Let's see.
Yeah, yeah, whoever's black Blackrock man John Blackrock, CEO of black Rock,
whatever his name is. I guess we can do Yeah, yeah,
John Blackrock, Yeah we can do, like I think we could do.
I mean, I guess people on Pelosi's level make sense to like there are
some people that are it's like, let's help them. You're you're kind of
right where there's people that are, you know, one foot in the grave,
but they're not dying fast enough. So like there is like a a
Mitch McConnell who was like, I'm like, why is he still here?
I want I want to I want to be the reason he goes though.
I want to be I want to stand over him. I want to stand
over in him and hail him as he leaves, you know, he takes
that. I want to I want to use it to keep me here longer.
I want to know that, Like you know, it's evil, it's
evil, but I want to like catch his soul on the bottle and then
crack it for like such like in a video game. It's gonna be bad.
I wouldn't want that in me. I do, bro. I want
I want to. I want him to know that I'm here longer because of
him. What if he's here longer because of you as a result of his
body swaps me. Yeah, it's Freaky Friday, but it's you and Mitch
McConnell. That would be so period, Like why why me? This summer
brand new installment to the Freaky Fridays fucking world. It starts off, It
starts off with like fucking some forty one, and it shows Kingston. It's
like, man, I hate I hate Internet. I hate working on the
Internet. And it cuts to Mitch McConnelly goes like he goes, I hate
being fucking alive at this age. Fucking do it. And then and then
it cuts it cuts to you guys in like a chuck E cheese bathroom and
and you you run it, you bump into each other and he drops an
ancient necklace that was given to him by his forefathers. And you see it
and you're like, I'm gonna steal that because you're Mitch McConnell. I hate
you, and you wrestle over it and then you snap it in half and
then like your soul swap. And then and then you both talk to each
other. He goes, I'm you, and he goes, you're me,
and then it cuts this summer and then it's just you and you're dead though,
because you're just you're dying, Kingston in Mitch McConnell's body is just kind
of like in hospice care. And then Mitch McConnell gets a whole secondary career
run, this time as a fucking minority, so it's gonna be easier to
destroy the Communityeah, don't trust me now, they finally don't trust me.
But as by wait but as your voice will be like they trust me,
I'm I'm I'm Mitch McConnell, and I don't sound like trust they trust whoa?
They trust me? Like that? That's my impression of Kickson. WHOA,
it's Kickston, it's me. WHOA. It's going on? Do you
want to open up? So did you buyd cards? What have we ever
impersonated each other? Let's let's up with the character assassination of me right now?
Can we impersonate each other? Like? Can we can we give that?
Give that a go Gary to bleep me out? Okay, I'm personally
ain't Chris gart me out? All right? All right, all right,
all right? Really try it though? How does you sound? Okay?
I feel like I forget everything you say as soon as you say it,
So it's gonna be difficult. Try to get the cadence down say anything.
I don't. I don't know how to not be dispectful. I feel like
I don't know how to do. I don't care. This is this is
the show, uh, because I want to try that. I want to
try to person but I'm just thinking, Yeah, what's going on? I'm
Chris like, that's not how you sound at all? Let's at all?
Is that what you are? You sure? Is that what you hear?
I think that's what I hear, but I don't want to hear that.
I trying to give aspect, trying to sound like me, Derek. How
do I sound? We already did you already gave you extremely respect? A
real one. Let me see. I don't I don't know, I don't
it's out. I don't want to out how disrespect disrespectful Kingston Lily literally get
the fun out of your lily, Get the out of here. I'm gonna
kill myself, Lily, Lily, Lily, myself no more, Lily base
look, kill myself no more. Something like that. I can't. Like,
I don't know. It's hard because it's it's easy to impersonate people that
have like impersonable voices. Yeah, right, when it's something Chris you when
you're when you're on Chris, like say when you're doing a video and you're
on it's you can write yea, you you're more of a so like you're
like Chris Ray Chris Ray gun here Like I can't do your voice really,
but I can get like you're kind of canous, sound like there's the fucking
this like there was a oh like say says for example, when when uh
so, last episode that we recorded, we had to I had to cut
out a I bleeped a couple of things because there were so people don't have
don't know where Chris lives or whatever, and your motherfucker was so good.
I was like, this needs to be something like if we had a soundboard,
because you were like, motherfucker, like it was so good, like
you sho a little bit and I was like I felt that, man,
it was so bad immediately because I was like, no, come up.
You were like I forget people were trying to come and kill us. I
forget. That's the thing. I don't want people knowing. I don't mind
people knowing like generally, but like it's just like we were so specific with
like this, someone like definitely just hang around your block. You are on
your block until they ran into you. Definitely had enough enemies to for someone
for someone with a rifle to be outside, this goes for you. For
you. You're at LA with a rifle and that big stop. Its crazy.
It's a rifle to They're like, what are you doing with that,
dude? It's a single Safari outfit. He's a Safari outfit there he is.
I'm thinking of the guys from Jumanji, from my guy from Jumaji,
that sweet Confederate fucking mustache. I don't like dogskin people. I came here
to kill people of color. I'm here, bro, like the cops.
The cops just don't even They just look and like like it's so it's so
over the top and cartoonish. You they're just gonna keep driving. Let him,
let him get at least one, you know, let him get at
least after after you. That can't be a threat. It's so rainy.
Oh he's on his way to universal or some ship. Like there's this isn't
this isn't real. Clearly he's not here to hurt anything. And then it's
on the radio later like oh yeah, that guy. Oops. Our voices
are not I've never heard like we we don't have Like I wouldn't say our
voices are indistinct, but they aren't distinct in the way that like very very
highly impersonatable people are. You know what I mean, Yeah, like we
have we have normal people's voices. I think I think yeah, for sure,
right, No, I would say yeah, out of uh, since
you have the highest voice, it is definitely out of all of us.
Your voice is normal, but all of us. I think people could have
a better results doing you, Chris than us too, because I think our
voices are a little bit too lame. Well, I've heard I've heard people.
I've heard people impersonate me. Or like not in person at mey,
but like do like like steal my like my accent and like pretend like I
feel like I've done it one time in a video. Yeah, I'm not
gonna remember what video. I remember specifically seeing people like there was I remember.
We're not gonna I'm not gonna name names or anything. I just thought,
because I don't really care, it's not really that big of a deal.
I just thought it was at the time. I thought it was like
so strange where there was this person that I knew and I had spoken to
him and I know that his voice was like completely normal, and then after
I met him, he would make videos and he just stole the accent and
then he would claim that it's like, oh no, I I grew up,
like I have friends from New York and they speak like that, and
it's it kind of like graft On to me, and it's like, motherfucker,
that's not a real New York accent at all. I invented. That's
fake. That's weird. It's like a fake, like it's not even mine.
No, it's not. It's it's like a it's a complete performative,
like it's a mix of Psychris, there's a yeah, it's not. It's
it's like, hey, wow, what it's been So it's been a lot.
Wow Ocean Gate. Wow, what a fascinating place to be cool.
Yeah, Like, it's not, it's not it's not. There's no,
it's that's not real. That's not like oh yeah, like I talked,
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from I'm from I'm from Louisiana, and
I touch. I've noticed quite a few people creators that, and it's almost
like they will catch themselves and uh, they'll start getting almost like, ah,
what they think is kind of a New York somewhat of an accent.
I've noticed that in a lot of people were once they're getting a little jokey
or they want to be kind of charismatic, and it starts leaning more towards
that area, and I'm like, what are you doing? You don't talk
like that. Yeah. And there was a guy, specifically a man I
can't remember his name right now, but he used to do drama news fuck
if it comes to me, I don't say, but there's he's a guy
that he's also done some like stand up comedy in the area. I think
he's in l a oh, my god, it doesn't matter if somebody will
probably remember. But uh, he got into some drama with some other people
that were they were doing some weird live improv roasting stuff. But this guy
you're talking about, I can't remember the name. I can't remember his name,
but he used to do well essentially what King Star would do. And
I think they even gotten some beef at some point, and out of nowhere,
he started to just being like, hey, what's up? My name
is this sin and Well over here? And it was like, what the
fuck? Well, what is why is he doing this? Yeah, he
immediately just turned into what he thought a New York accent was, and uh
what it was really psychotic. I guess you go down in a submersible,
you think you're gonna survive? What are you? Fucking stupid, fucking stupid
of you. You're fucking dumb, bro. It's crazy yourself. It's crazy
too because like I have, it's gone, it's it's diminished in in in
the last like ten years. But I have a New York accent that is
real, that is very much now that that comes out when I get like
angry or like when I'm like home, but like it's not even close to
the video the video stuff. I don't. I don't have a New York
accent. I don't think I ever really did. You don't have one.
You know, in your really in your household is what really matters. That's
true. And people speak, I mean I sound, people say I do.
I don't think I do. People say I have a Patois accent.
I don't think I do at all. No, you don't. I think
I saw a regular American person. People are fucking lying right to your fucking
face. People respect you and your character by lying directly. I feel like
you're doing that. I feel like you're doing that right now in fact.
But you do not have a Patois accent. You fucking psycho bit. I
don't think I have much of one. It's not there at all. You
have like you Actually, I think what's unfortunate. You're not gonna like hearing
this, but I feel like you might have. And I don't understand that.
I mean this in a very very lowercase way, but you have almost
like I wouldn't say British exactly, but like the way British people that Americans
speak is how you it's how you saying. I know I heard of that
before. Yeah, he's not like, that's part of kind of being Oh,
I was all, I think I think that's a part of being Jamaican.
I think I know a lot of other Jamaicans that speak English without an
accent that sound like that, because I'm like, right, yeah, yeah.
By the way, the guy was talking about his name is deaf Noodles.
Oh. It was driving me insane. I was like, I have
to find this, but yeah, so yeah, I guess that that guy's
a clown. I saw that. I guess the moist critical was shipping on
him. So he's he's much larger than I thought so, or at least
he was worth clowning on at that level. Oh yeah, that guy was
pretty You know. The more that the more that I've been online, the
more that I realize that, like I always thought that you people were being
I guess the only reason to be fake or put on like a front was
to maximize profits in a way that like, oh, I'm going to become
rich or something. But even at these shittiest levels of anything, people are
just doing it, and it kind of it really weirded me out because I
was like, what do you try? What are you gaining from like putting
on this persona. It doesn't seem to be actually doing anything for you.
Why are you doing this? And that that's crazy shit, We're like this
guy, what's up? What's crazy is that, like this is not my
real voice either, how I'm how I'm speaking to you now, And Kingston
Kingson will know that. Derek will know this too, like every time every
time we get off camera, like I shift into my real accent and my
real voice. I didn't know you're gonna expose this. I didn't know.
Yeah, I mean, like I figured, like we're we're so deep into
the show, I figure I might as well give you guys like all right,
hold on, let me let me snap out of this public radio persona
that I've crafted over the years. Uh, hello does me Chris Reagan?
Hello? How are you doing this? This is how I speak for real?
Whoops? But that that would be annoying to listen to. So I
developed so I developed in front of the W that sounds like something that like
somebody from that region would do. Yeah, I've done wrong again, because
like they do the opposite, because they do the opposite with they do the
opposite with VS. Where they try to like, like vodka is like wooda
they say like they say it with the W. I don't know any Russians,
and I'm being honest, I never met Russian. My wife is half
Russian, so I don't know her. You're talking about the fam. I
don't know. I don't know. I've dated, I've dated, I've dated
like Slovenians. I've dated. I've dated. I did a seven a Slovenian
woman. But that's as far as that's that's the closest I ever got to
that, even that side of the world. Do they do that ship?
I don't know if they do. They do the the WV thing? No,
no, no, she did not know. Maybe they do. I
like it, Jojo. Every once in a while she'll catch yourself like,
say, you know, vibes is a popular word to use, and so
every once in a while, when she's talking like fast, she'll say vibes
and I'm like, the absolutely better European. She'll be like, and then
she'll be excuse me, excuse me. So it's it's like sometimes it's still
like really deeply better excuse me. When she gets speak aggressive European, you're
killing my Wait, you freaking no, no, no, no, that's
your impression. And Jojo, I love that you're killing my b What do
you do? You're killing my Wait? What thought you do? And then
uh, and then she'll be like, are you going to drive b MV?
I go to drive my BMV And I'm like, b m W no,
my bm B kill me, my boy, you're killing my white but
now and then I'm like, sorry, fucking agro dude, like my bad
wife. Sorry wife, Jesus Therek comes home shivering. He's like, it's
eight pm. He's shivering, He's afraid. The lights are off. He
turns the lights on and uh, Jojo is sitting in a chair. She's
sitting in a chair. It's like, where have you been? You're killing
my wife? You kill I'm sorry, my lovely wife. You home right
now? No, go get me, go get me, BV, go
get me? What is it? What is it? What is a Russian
sack? Getta water and carriage. That's crazy Russian heat like like bear fat
for like fucking lunch. Don't ever Russia have to go for you, mother,
Russia. We used to scrape face off of little sleeping bears with our
bare teeth. We scrape the face off of bear. We run away real
quick. We fall fast, like skittery, like bugs in wind. In
my country. We have to and Mother Russia and Mother Russia, we have
to. We have to by five years old. We have to kill bear.
And it is as you say, fifty fitty because we sometimes you don't,
we make it sometimes, you know, Mother Russia. We cut that
fur skins a little differently. We've cut it more like banana peel, kind
of long ways, multiple sides. It's fun like it looks like flower.
To us, it's pretty flower. It's like you see lily before, Like
beingis skin like lily. It open. It is nothinglike a hot dog meets
Venus flight tramp. That's great. Yeah, it's a love you jojo your
your your your Russian side is hilarious. Look, man, we're running it.
We're doing is. The reality is we're running out of accents that we
are allowed to do, and so we have to do them while they are
allowed. And right now the only thing they're allowed is we got I mean,
I think I think we're right on the cusp of Jewish being not okay.
So we've gotta we gotta get that. We gotta we gotta get that
what we can, we gotta what do you mean? It's always just aching,
It's it's just it's just exclamations of aches. Like the soup was a
big gold but lots of like there's that one, but then there's the old
like where it almost starts getting into like Romanian kind of now it's like a
little c knowledge what are you talking about, bla Pennsylvanian. A Jewish person
turns into Dracula essentially, I don't know. Let me tuck you we had
back in the day. I can't be out during the sound. It hurts
my skin. But so like these are the things. So so it's like
we're running. We got Russian, it's still okay. We got Jewish is
okay for the time being. We got Italian and British and that's that's it.
Unfortunately, And I look, man, I sort of yeah, I
mean, but there's they're not really to be it's pretty much Mexican. Yeah,
it's not his because like normal Spanish really isn't that fun to like,
it's not like the issue with like it sounds awesome. It sounds awesome,
which defeats the purpose, like it's it's not really that like if you're if
you're doing like Antonio Banderaz, it's like, oh that's not funny, that's
just like I want to fuck it now, Like it's just like it's not
this isn't working. But so you got to do the lazy Mexican. That's
the only days thing. Yeah, meal you know is that nuclear miso?
I feel that missile is moy per grosso all the deal explodes mos grand evil.
Do you see the nuclear missile? You're right, oh my god making
Lily hears me and she's getting we're running so we're running out of so we're
running out of accents. I think specifically Asians are gone, Like you can't
do the Asian accent Indian. I think it's like you can't. You can't
do it at Indian is at that we do it. Indian is at that
cust where I think it's probably okay, but it's like a little bit risky.
You can't do Black accents that aren't Nigerian, Like you can't do like
you can do African accents, right, but you can't African Americans. You
want an African American accent? Really though, I mean no, you know
what it is come on what the N word? What do you want to
know? What a black accent is? Really? Essentially it's good sign and
then you know you got to throw the nwoid in narrows. It's not a
black accent. You can only do it if you're impersonating a very impersonated like
if you're doing like if you're doing like Cat Williams, like if you're doing
a Cat Williams depression, you can get away with it or something. I
went down to the mall and guess what they had there? They chicken went
down to the mall and guess what I saw drinking piss yet a game?
And I was like, damn, Lily, why are you drinking pits a
game? But she loves that Williams. I hate Kat Williams. We saw
him. I cannot believe that. We were in Buffalo Wild Wings in the
middle of the night and we were just like, is that Cat Williams?
That was? That was a really strange experience. We get Buffalo wol Wings
at two and at two in them? Why were we there? Were we
just like hungry and like we couldn't. We were hungry and we were like,
you want to go to beat So we walked to Buffalo Wow Wings and
then Kat Williams walks out with like a security detail. It was. That
was the strangest I wish I had like documented that, like the day that
had happened, because like I don't think, like I have no recollection of
when that was. I know it was like twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen,
but like I don't remember, like what the fucking like, Well, there
Chris raygun and is faithful Steed Thomas Swinnard. Yeah, nigga saw you aga
wa gotta kill Kat Williams. We gotta kill him. Oh god, we're
running low. You can do it. So, yeah, there's some there's
a couple of African Americans can do some some some some niggas can do That's
that's fine. But yeah, just doing it in general is wrong. That
is true. I've definitely been doing a lot of Indian because I watched the
movie R R That Way so much fun. We definitely I can't believe you
it took you this long to watch it because I remember talking about it on
this show like Q. It's been my queue for as long as it's been
on Netflix. I'm like, I'm gonna check this out. I never did.
Apparently that movie is like like political propaganda for in Like there's like something
like it's for like a specific party in India, but like I really don't
care because dude, Like, let me tell you something, if the Daily
Wire was putting out ship like this, like it'd be over me, bro,
they might they might have an ally. Yet if they had like Trump
people with a motorcycle, like come on, dude, and it looked that
dude, it is, So that movie is like an anime basically, like
it is. It is one of the craziest fucking things I've ever It's one
of the craziest live action movies I've ever seen. From like an action standpoint.
It's not the way that I the way that I absorbed it is that
this game. Sorry, that's what I mean. Like this movie is actually
a video game. Yeah, that's exact because the way that it plays,
there's enough fight scenes throughout this movie that I'm like, this would satiate me
like in a video game. Like one of the first fight scenes is like,
oh, arrest this man, and people are like, I'm not fucking
arresting this guy. There's a huge mob outside of our British little encampment or
whatever. It was like that, and then fucking Rom's just like, nah,
I got this, and he fucking charges into all of them, and
you know what it turns into. It turned into like when the camera swings
around as they're walking out the dude side, it swings around it it's you
doing it. You're your third person and you can like you're figuring out your
button and you're like, how do I do this? It's crazy. It
becomes That's why I was about to say that, it becomes the Warriors immediately,
and you're like, what the fuck is going on? How strong is
this one fella? This guy? And at the end, after he does
he does the thing, he captures the guy and they're all upset and stuff.
He does the stomp of authority and then they all get demoralized to go
home. It's crazy, you know, It's like, dude, this movie
is I was like, this is going to be the best thing. You
do not see the next part. He's running from a wolf and he makes
a wolf run into a tiger. Then he holds the tiger back enough to
stop. Oh no, that's that's the different guy. Yeah, you know
the other dude. Yeah, that's the next scene literally, yeah, when
he he's goes and he's doing it, he's just holding the tiger, and
I'm like, he's so strong. And what's so cool about this is the
movie is so it really ties together. What I was surprised about it the
plot and the and the the pacing. Everything made sense as it went further
and further, I was like, Wow, this is actually really good because
when he captured the tiger, you're kind of like, what the fuck is
he doing and you don't know, but you find out way later that was
just a portion of him. When they released that barrage of animals on that
embassy thing, that was that's what he was doing, capturing those animals.
Because at first you're like, is he doing it for sport? Just to
prove that he's really strong? Are they gonna eat the tuck a tiger?
Because he says, I'm sorry, I'm capturing you for like the wrong reasons.
He says something like that, and I'm like, and then and then
they call back on it when you see that cage full of ferocious animals and
release the sunning them, and then he's there and he's like, oh,
he's beating all these animals, all these animals up. It's so insane.
It was the plot is the thing was the plot was It engaged me too.
I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting like the dial the acting was
actually, you know, other than the you know, the Bollywood dancing that
Sh'S hilarious like always, but like the actual acting, the crying, the
emotions, the flashbacks were. At one point, I felt like the flashback
was gonna be kind of kill the pacing, like in a way that the
Last of Us Part two would do. But no, it flashed back and
it was a really important scene where like Rom is young, and this is
when you figure out that he's a This is when you figure out that he's
he's he's an agent. He's infiltrating that so we can get the guns.
This is when you find that shit out, because at first you're like,
who is this simp for the for the British Empire? Like Rom, You're
like, who is this fucking boot liquor? Like what is this ship?
But then you figure out later on that like, oh no, he's with
the village and he's infiltrating that army so we can get the guns to his
people. So they can take over and drive them out, and like,
so it ended up being so important that the flashback, unlike say the Last
of Us Part two, when it was just a flashback just to have we
spend time with Joel, like that was the only reason to do it.
It is it is better. I agree, that is better than we already
know Joel. We already know jo Dog. We don't care. If r
R was a legitimate video game, I would stack it up against Last MOA's
Part two and be like, way better, way better. It is crazy
good. That movie keeps and I gave him up. I gave him up.
I kind of believe that the thing about that movie is that, like
it doesn't stop accelerating, like it keeps creating more like when you think you've
reached the most insane part of it, it just because it isn't at the
end, like he's basically like Tarzan and he's like, I can't remember what
the fun was going out at the end of the Carnation of one of the
Gods because he gets the bowls right, he has a bow at the end.
It's like they still did a switcher though, because the first person whatever
his name is a beam or whatever. The other guy the the he he
sees the stuff first, the bar now and everything, so you think he's
gonna adopt it. So they do. There are They're still fucking with you
at the very end of the movie where you're thinking maybe he's gonna do it,
but then no, and it turns out rom and then he's flowing,
and then he has the ship and he becomes He's healed immediately because his knees
were bashed before. Full power. He's full power. He's healed. And
that's what I love the movie, that he's completely he's on now fucking shit
up. He has unlimited arrows. He's fucking it. Really did he really
sincerely felt like a video game from like two thousand and like like twenty nine,
twenty ten, like these Balls to the Wall, fucking X Men Origins,
Wolverine, fucking Journey, Honesty to the West, like just something about
it was just so fucking It's I've been trying to tell people. I've been
trying to tell people you need to watch the Fast and Furious movies when the
Rock joins, because there's a lot of people that are like, oh,
those movies are so fucking stupid and I'm like, yes, yes, that's
why, right, hold on, Derek, Derek, hold on, Let's
be real though, Yeah, none of those are reaching the heights of this
fucking movie. This movie is insane. No, that's what I mean.
I want to know you. No, I'm not even saying no, no
absolutely not no absolutely my would no, those were my words. Those were
not my words. There are is where I want the movie to go,
and naturally it was gonna go there in ten, but then they wanted to
bring it back. Nine was so out of control that I was. I
was. I saw it in Lithuania and I was audibly laughing out loud and
people are looking at me because there's a lot of people that for some reason
they take those movies seriously and I don't understand how, because there it became
so self aware. Like there's a scene where roman so I was talking about
it. Literally he says, He's like, we should have died a long
time ago, because how are we untouched? There's not a scratch on me?
And this is something that people have been criticizing. How are they always
come out on top? How are they not dead? How are they not
fucking dude? Dom once jumped out of a car he was racing and it
caught on fire. The engine's on fire, he's he's reversing, he jumps,
he bails out what had to be at like over one hundred miles an
hour, and he's completely fine, not even a scratch. If you imagine
jumping out of a car, the condition for the condition, the condition would
be hilarious, fine clowns. Basically, there would be so much of you
on the streak behind you, because you'd be leaving parts of yourself. You'd
be you'd be in a clown reality that in that scenario, you would not
you would not be you anymore. There's a moment in I think the eighth
one or the ninth one where there's it's like literally Captain America moment actually straight
up, but there's a moment where like there are guys coming at him and
just singlely Dominic Toretto is pushing back a ton of jack agents and then he
makes the bridge collapse to say Rayby, And I'm like, that is one
man. I think dom only paper could probably be Captain America. Steve Rogers,
like Ice Evans, Captain America would lose to dom Toretto. I actually
I actually been the rules. If we're talking about the rules of the Fast
and Furious universe, if they're if they're both who they are in their universes,
yes, put against each other. I think Dom i Cap could win,
but I would not be surprised if Dom won. I'd be like,
oh okay, I feel like Dom would uh Dom would win in a way
that like he would get Cap dead to rights, but Cap can't die,
so there would be he would get out of it some way. But he
did, like he did beat him technically kind of in the way that he
beat the rock. In five, they had their top and then he just
has like this big monkey wrench. Instead of slamming into the rock's face,
which would have been hilarious, he just slams it like next to him.
And then the franchise is very different because he's not in the franchising work because
he's hitting He's hitting a rock at a face so many times that eventually he's
just hitting concrete. And that's something he thought. And that's why they beefed
because that was in the original script. Basher brains out to your fucking paste
the rock. They actually they hate each other, yeah, but they made
up because he's gonna be in the new movie. That's true. That last
one was really fucking it was. It was fun, but it wasn't nearly
as insane as nine, so it kind of disappointed me. They they kind
of love I love this mom and movie was good because he just studied like
a few characters like the Joker, and he was like, I'm gonna do
this wacky, funen kind of thing. And I think he also studied the
villain that that guy in what is the twenty twelve uh double o seven?
What was that one called Salas Skyfall something the sky something Skyfall, Skyfall?
You said that? Okay? That was from No Country, No. Twenty
twelve. Twenty twelve, Oh oh pretty sure that No Country from Old Man
Guy. That that guy he played a villain. So I think he was
kind of like, I was, thank you, thank you. Uh so,
yeah, I was. I think he did a good job channeling like
some kind of dumb, fun, weirdo villain kind of thing, and I
had fun with it, I thought. I think I think it was like,
I'm not gonna try hard, I'm just gonna have fun because I'm in
this movie with these guys and this ain't really a movie, so I was
gonna have fun. That's the thing I don't want. I don't want serious
shit in that movie. I it made me mad that it was nine was
so stupid. I was like, I can't wait for ten. It's gonna
be even crazy. And then they reeled it back a little bit. I
was like, that's I want r R that's what I want. I want
r R R in my action films. They stop trying to make it like
even what do you feel a small bit realistic? I don't want any of
that shit. The thing is that we don't need story from things that we
don't need stories from. That's what I'm saying. Think about that that there's
actually a good story behind it too, which actually that was the thing that
I wasn't expecting that at all, Like, and the thing that makes me
know is gonna be a good movie. The very beginning were that Little Girl.
Because it's about getting that little girl back, which has taken the mom
They stop and then like, oh, don't waste the bullet, you know,
don't waste the bullet on these Indians. And that guy just grabs the
tree branch and just smashes it over her fucking head. And I was like,
yo, that was so much dude, that moment was so brutef but
no damn reason. I was like, don't waste the bullet. And I
was like, huh, he just goes you don't have a rich and freaking
jowels. And I'm like it was with the Joel Miller bro amazing movie.
All right, let's uh, let's get into some questions. Huh. Let's
get in some questions from our patrons over from patroon dot com slash a snart
tank. Remember you can early early access, have free access, all that
bullshit. H So pop on over there if you want to ask us a
little question for the show Papa Jesus wrote, and he says, hello there
two thirds Puerto Rican and and two thirds and three fifths obvious of course.
Uh. When I was a teenager, some friends and I came across some
creepy van people, a twenty five year old man dating a sixteen year old
girl. She told us her parents were okay with it, even though nobody
asked. And then O beast man took his shirt off and ate a mud
crab also did this without anybody asking. My So, with that being said,
what are some baffling encounters you've had with absolute strangers that you'll never be
able to forget. Thank you, Papa Jesus for this person's clearly in the
South or something right, or at least like like state he's in. Yeah,
yeah, for sure, that's fucking crazy like like or maybe not,
because I feel like the person that said the thing, the parents are cool
with it. I don't think somebody in in the like the South would even
would even mention that as a defense because they just wouldn't give a fuck.
So yeah, they're just like, well, you know how we do things
a little bit differently down here in the South. We you know, we
like to kill them. Kill him he raised dogs, pets and eat him.
We get Yeah, we gotta get west Fido, get fight o over
here. Come here, boy. This is my dog. I fun him
regularly. And uh, this is my daughter. This is my son.
I fuck him regularly too as well. And uh, you know, it's
just how we do they down here. I'm just I'm not a monster,
but I fuck my son, no doubt, no question about it. Now,
I tell you right now, you see you see him. We can't
afford the pocket pussys flesh lights and let all them so it's over with all
the big city, Oh big city, accoutremants. What I do is I
put a cream corn inside my son's ashole and fuck him to simulate a pocket.
Say, I come, real good, I come. Sometimes a man,
sometimes a man, sometimes a man type half in the big city will
come over to tell me I can't be doing this, and I tell him,
why don't you give it a try? And now he comes over every
Sunday night joins me in the fucking and now it's spreading. Let me tell
you something. You ain't gonna change our culture. You're not gonna change our
heritage. This is where we plant ized steaks. Uh like the idea of
this dude the top hat is like appalled, but da he gives it a
try and he's like, you know what, he talks him into it.
He this is a CPS man. This is a CPS man on a top
hat. I tell you, And he's like, I hate you, and
he tries and he's like, yo, you're on the sucking cream corn corn
right here. You know nothing like your son ass full of cream corn.
I'll tell you what. Let me tell you so you can tax me up
the ass You can take my guns, you can vote Democrats into office,
but you're never gonna stop me from fucking my son. That is one thing.
You ain't stopping me from doing. Sons on the corner, just crying.
Just Thenny just smacks him over the head and just makes him try it
down down there. Winslow. Shut up, Winslow. You spoke, You
spoke when spoken to, and Cream went cream into. Okay, Yeah,
that's are we talking about talking about weird ship weird. It's weird stuff that
you you you've encountered that you can't unsee or something. Oh man, I've
mentioned one before. Yeah, I might have mentioned one before where I was
a kid because we used to ride the I don't think kids ride the public
transportation like we used to. I just feel like the vibes is changed.
And maybe I'm wrong, but I don't. Probably in l A. Yeah,
so I would. I would just be a kid because my mom worked
for the you know, the m T A. And so I'll ride the
bus everywhere, as you know, in elementary school. And I was with
my buddy Cameron, and uh, I'll never forget this guy. He was
this redheaded, fucking redheaded beard had this crazy, he long fucking earring like
he was George Michael or some shit, and uh, he had short shorts
like the jeans. Uh. And you know, I don't know. It
was up with this guy. I'm like, God, it's weird. Then
he was all soft spoken, like he started talking and then he started talking
to us and he said, and look at to this day sometimes like I'm
like, am I misremembering this or did he actually say this? Because he
asked us if we like Michael Jackson. He is saying, you guys like
Michael Jackson and we're like, yeah, sure. And what I remember him
saying is he gets me really hard, Like he said that those words.
We're little kids, and he's like, he gets me really hard. And
we're like, let's get off at the next stop. So we just pull
the fucking cord. And we were like, dude, no, I can't
be in this bus a minute longer with this guy because he's going to he's
gonna bounce on us. Because it was the weirdest thing, and I was
like, I sometimes think like I was a kid, maybe I misheard him.
Maybe he said something like oh he goes hard or some shit. I
don't know, maybe, but what It sounded like this guy was saying,
Michael Jackson's heart is hot, gives him a huge boner, and he wanted
to share it with the ten year old thinking that that was like that was
a really good information to relay. And so I still think about that every
once in a while. I'm like, was that guy gonna rape us?
I don't know, I find out. Yeah, I want to find out.
There's no way, like we had enough sense to not be like,
you know, I don't understand kids these days at all, like just they
just go. They would just go with strangers. Hey, I got fucking
candy at my shed. Oh you know, you know what on me?
Puppies? That puppy would have worked on me, bro, I'm like,
I don't know what you bro, Like, what are you talking about.
If someone was like to little kid me like less than like and I'm talking
about like like at like eight or nine years old, like little kid me,
we have puppies, six of me would be like really, really in
your car you just have puppy, You're you're a god. Ran over to
me, ran over and put my seatmoat on. Let's go, let's oh,
Harry up, Let's get this guy looks like fucking uh Chris Helmsworth and
Furiosa, and You're like, yeah, I got puppies. I got puppies
in my car. You fucking outrun him to the car. Bro He's just
like he's so happy. He's like Wow. Then I don't see puppies,
and I get I got pocket knife on me. I don't see puppies,
and I started getting really violent. I feel like I've seen a lot of
I feel like I've seen a lot of things like that. I don't know,
like growing up in the city and and and around that area and in
the Bronx. Just you see a lot of stuff like that that you kind
of just forget because it becomes somewhat but like the one that sticks after me
that I probably I probably won't forget. I actually don't think i've I actually
don't think i've told this before. I think I might have maybe on a
consolation, but I remember being in a burger king. There is a second
the second thing that I remember from this burger king, by the way,
the same burger king in on on Mishula by Gunhill Road in the Bronx.
I know, zachly Burki, you're talking about yeah, yeah, it's the
one by the Popeyes and stuff. Yeah, exactly, maybe I don't I
don't remember. I didn't have Popeyes. Actually didn't have Popeyes until I moved
out here actually, so like I didn't really know much about Popsy missed out
on chicken. Man. Well, my family just made chicken, you know
what. There was really no there also, just like Kennedys and stuff like
that in New York as well. Yeah, we never really, I just
we never got chicken from outside, Like, we never went to a chicken
restaurant because we just made really good My parents just made really good chicken.
And I never really wanted it outside chicken, you know what I mean.
It's just different though, like you know, like Casun Casun chicken is fucking
awesome. Oh yeah, for sure. No, bro. Once I once
I started living on my own and I stopped, I didn't really want to
make chicken as often as I want. I didn't want to make chicken as
often as I wanted it because, like you know, so so I eventually
figured that out. But like it was, it was in this burger king
on michoul I don't know if it's still there or not, but it used
to be And I remember I saw one guy. This is a story that
I've told before, this one where like I saw some guy like get really
pissed off that his fry. You know how some fries have like black parts
on it because they're burnt a little bit or whatever. There's like a burnt
for the day. He's just like, dude, you he said, you
dirtied up my fries. You made me gave you dirty fries. I want
clean fries. And they're like and they jumped over the fucking counter and started
attacking the person. And then we just left. But in this same burger
king, I think either many years after many years before I can remember which
one came first. Memories a little bit fuzzy, but I remember this very
very vividly, where some guy we were sitting waiting for the order and some
guy it's I don't know how to describe this without just doing it, but
this guy out of the bathroom kind of on his back, snails out out
of the restaurant going oooooooooo, just making like weird siren noises and what I
mean by that, And he's like all wet, he's like covered in something.
I didn't know what it was. But he was like, I don't
know the best way. He's like he's literally like this where yeah, he's
like screeching, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's if you're listening. Yeah,
girl almost swimming backwards on the ground. And he was wearing I remember
he was. I remember he was wearing like a fucking he had like a
he had like a bright it's like a tied eye tank top or something.
It was weird. It was like like like almost like a fruit roll up
tank top. It was the strangest guy ever. But he was making siren
noises as he snailed on his back outside of the burger king and he was
all wet and dripping and gross. And then my aunt was like, don't
look at him. I remember that specifically, like don't make don't look at
him. I think I might have been like eight or something, but that
was a strange I thought the second story window, like he fought to the
story window. He hit the ground really hard and like he got up and
he was just like because I think he was I think he was cheating.
I think he was fucking some girl lady. And then the husband came right
so I'm pretty sure he jumped out the window. But he didn't stick it
at all, because that two story fall, you're not He's a regular guy.
He didn't stick it. And then he was just like trying to be
calm, but his dick was out, and I was just like, what's
happening right now? And then he just ran off and I was like,
okay, cool. He was trying to talk people like to have a regular
day, and we were in like, because there's a boudette attached to the
building. I lived that, so we like everybody was like looking at him,
and he was trying to like talk to people, like be calm,
but everybody knew what window he came. People know, we knew each other
as the Bronx, and everybody knows every building. So you're like, you
just came out of that apartment and he was like, oh man, I
gotta get out of it, and he ran off, and bro where did
he fix himself? But by the time he was hurt, but he was
I think he was. He was frightened, definitely in shock because that was
not a good fall. He didn't land it very well and he just took
off and I'm like, damn, man, I hope I don't know that's
why I can't. That's why I can't. And living them Democrat run cities.
Everybody's running around with their necks, hat falling out of windows and whatnot.
I don't like it. I feel this is a quick something. Wait,
well, boy, I'm forgetting again. You're losing your mind. Boy,
I've been losing my mind. Bro, it's not even new he's gay.
Derek sent me this video. Derek sent me this, this fucking video
of the rented Redemption ending where Micah is accusing Arthur of being gay to Dutch
and all the voices are so perfect. I don't know how you even think
to make this or even bother to put the time and that the fact that's
the only thing that this person seemingly has has created. He's gay Dutch?
No, why just say that? No, it's so funny. He's like
dying on the floor, Like I just say that, so fucking funny.
Can we find that video? Can we find that video, Derek and put
that in? That's like the only one, is that possible? Because it's
too good? You know? Yeah, we should have took the word of
my mouth. I downloaded it because I never wanted to lose it, so
I could I think I could, I could send it to you, because
I know so many times it's happened to be so many times where I see
something and I just lose it and it just makes everything funny. I see,
I download. I've got to the point now. That's why. That's
the main reason I pay for X. Actually, if I'm being honest,
I pay for it because I can download videos. So I steal everything off.
I mean, I stop, Why don't you Why don't you just screen
record it? Recording it's a little sloppy sometimes. But now my now,
my phone, my phone currently right now for me, at least when I
do it, I fuck it up for me. My phone is so full
of insane, Like there's nothing sexual. There's just insane. Like there's this
video of my said Chris just now some guys streaming and he's like he has
like a fucking like one of the sex toys where it's the lower bottom and
he's like punching the step. Fucking uh that fucking streamer. It looks like
he's digging for change inside that asshole, and it's crazy. That's my phone
is. There is a video on my phone. Let me see if I
remember I describe exactly what it's like, because it's it's it's a doozy,
be worth it in the meantime, that's streamer way that streamer he uh he
fucking uh. They started somebody like Dexterdo or whatever the fuck however you say
their name. They like talked about that. He quote tweeted and say,
you guys are stupid. That was clearly Ai like he like he tried.
He pretends like he's obviously joking, but like the way that he words it,
like as if you guys are idiots for believing, it's like clearly him
just like fucking fist fucking this sex toy. It was kind of funny.
I was like, all right, that's I have an image of Linguini from
Ratatuwee getting a cucumber shoved up his ass and he's coming inside of Alfredo thoughts,
and it's and the rat is clapping as he is. That is the
guy ship that is currently on my cell phone. Bro is fucking clapping.
If anyone finds my phone, they'll think I'm a homosexual, homophobic bigot.
Anyone that finds my phone, they go through it. I mean me too,
I mean me too. With the stupid shit that I've been doing park
it's getting worse and worse, and it scares me that someone's gonna find my
phone one day because there's gonna be so much shit I have to explain.
See, what you gotta do is just have a will or whatever and just
say this shit's jokes, just so people have the context when you die that
they know that, hey, this is just funny to me. You don't
have to think it's funny, like, oh, oh quick, little thing.
I thought this was funny as fuck. There's this rapper slash DJ.
He was by the named Sutter Kane, and this dude makes a bunch of
he he calls it ghetto metal. He would take like as of late dying
and other things. They would make beats and just talk about the most gruesome
shit, kind of like a neckro or something. And uh, I was
just randomly listening to his stuff because the old school shit, like he has
a song called Hesbla and August Underground. And then randomly he just followed me
on Instagram. He just happened to see my gay shit. I was like,
oh shit, I'm like, I fucking know this guy. Fucking found
him on MySpace million years ago and I didn't say anything to him because I
just didn't want to. I was like, it's weird. I'm not gonna
message him. And he fucking messages me and says, hey, I sent
your your stuff to uh some of my friends in our group chat and he
was like, needless to say, I'm no longer friends with those guys because
they fucking hated that shit and they got into like some arguments, and I'm
like, damn, Like some people just do not find that that gay cover
shit funny like at all whatsoever. Yeah, And I guess his friends,
you know, he just you know, he's an older black dude from I
think he's from New York or something like that, and he probably has some
friends that are, you know, deeply homophobic. They're very upset that why
are you sending this shit to me? And that was the funniest fucking thing,
Like, oh, I've been a man of this guy for like a
long time. That's my first interaction. I lost some friends because of your
content. It's really funny, how like the like, I just I don't
get how people just they're the things that people make on the internet sometimes that
are so much work, Like someone had to draw that that's a very well
created image of Linguini busted cucumb who made that, Like who drew that?
You know? Like what are you? What? Do you? A talent?
Very talented ours? Yeah, put in or send it to a senator.
You could just send it to Derek. It's fine, Lily drinking.
This is so disrespectful to her character. Rone and he said, this is
basically just a comment. But about the about the discussion, I'm not really
into it either. Butalito is fucking is freaking good. It's like deep fried
pancake that is fishing it. That doesn't appeal to me at all. You
never catch me. I don't purpose part of it. No, no,
no. We were talking about like foods that foods from our culture that like
we don't like, and that was that was one of them, which is
like a like a fish specific thing. And I don't know, man,
not not into it. I get it. I'm sure there's I'm sure if
I had it without knowing what it was, I would probably like it.
But if once it's not that I would be like ew I ate fish.
It would be more like okay, yeah that was fine, but it still
was probably not so good that I would want to have it again on purpose.
You know, it's generally how I would feel about it, I would
imagine, but thank you for your right in just a quick one might as
well address it. Let's see, oh old brown chowed by little gay sex,
wrote in brown ch oh brown, little kay sex. But he writes
hello, He writes, hello, babes. Since you guys are planning on
doing the podcast in person again, have you thought about doing more than just
the podcast under the snark Tank brand, like live streams or short little challenge
videos or something else. Even though I would love to watch them, I
feel like a podcast would get neutered a bit since you guys wouldn't have as
much time. Thanks for placing comm in my ears every week, and I
hope your show continues to be a success. H yeah, dude, well
I yeah, he wrote, he writes suck sex, but I corrected it
in my head. I think I mean potentially, But I do think what
will happen is that the episodes themselves will become kind of like that, because
being in a physical space allows you to do more like challenge type stuff or
just there's there's a lot more flexibility there than we have currently with the online
setup that I'm pretty excited to get into. But like, yeah, I
mean maybe extra stuff. Maybe I would imagine that just based on the fact
that we would be together in person, we would probably do like dumb shorts
and stuff, just because we'll just be in the room and one of us
will have some idea. Yeah, I'm sure that will happen, but like
it's not necessarily like the point, you know, Yeah, we've talked about
uh, you know, we haven't. We haven't really gotten the snart tank
all figured out, and you know, we'll we'll figure out everything once I'm
over there. But we've talked about for a minute about doing uh maybe the
Inward Club because you even talk about this. Motherfucker has like a billion clips
on his phone, you know that just there's that's always fun. Maybe it
maybe too be it the listening too is like I have right now you can't
see it. And maybe I shouldn't promise this because I don't know if we're
going to get it working immediately. But like that monitor back there is fully
functional, and we can like I'll have a laptop in front of me,
and if we have like clips and ship, I can put it on the
fucking monitor and it'll like, yeah, so we're the show is going to
transform a little bit for sure, just as a result of that stuff.
But that's soundproofing. Ignore that. But yeah, no, things will things
will coalesce, and we'll figure out what it becomes. I don't want to
like say that, oh, we're definitely gonna do X, Y and Z,
because we still have to figure out like what that even means. But
there will be a shift. There will be more wacky shenanigans for sure,
But yeah, I don't know it. Eating lots of booy et, lots
of booty, eating lots of booty. The guy whose face got eaten off
in Vegas wrote in he says, y'all ever shit with a hard dick?
What do you hum? He says, y'all ever shit with a hard dick?
Do you hover over the toilet so it doesn't touch the water or let
it hang over the toilet? I mean, dude, you let it?
I mean, first of all, what is he talking about. I've read
it twice. You'll ever shipped with a hard dick? Yeah? The second
part, do you hover over the toilet so it doesn't touch the water or
do you let it hang over the toilet, so like under or over the
rim basically, So you're talking about when it's not hard, right, That's
why I'm confused. While it's hard while you're hard, because you have your
hard shitting dick while you're fucking dick's hard. What do you mean talking at
least has such a heavy penis, because sometimes when i'm sometimes when I get
good bud flow, it can't even stand up. It's too heavy. It
can't support its own weight. You it's not you. That's not real.
That's not all hard penis works. Brother, No, you can get your
like some people's how do I explain it? This is gonna sound really gay.
You know some people that have like and I was kidding mostly, but
some people that have heard their dicks get so hard their dicks can't support their
own weight. It's too much maths. It can't lift itself up, so
it still falls. I think there's people that have like blood flow issues and
their dicks don't get fully hard. Well there's yeah, there's the people that
have probably like like a fucking ten inch or that maybe they can't get fully
hard because it's too much blood and uh, it probably will probably get like
fucking a little woozy. There is in a bone ering can passing out as
crazy. There is like that kid in high school just in school, just
passed out random. There is an element so much there is an element of
like because it doesn't just all go soft at once, you know what I
mean. It goes hard in like sections and in waves kind of slowly over
time. So like I've definitely experienced like, oh, it's hard except for
like at the very base, so it hangs a little bit, but like
that lasts for like what like five seconds max. I've never like like hard
enough. Yeah, exactly. It's like at attention. I just wouldn't call
it exactly. I wouldn't call that a fully erect penis. Yeah, yeah,
I wouldn't say, look any any answer that isn't over the toilet,
like over the fucking rim. It is crazy, Like I don't know what
we're doing. I don't know how you even Like, yeah, so you
can't do it with you can't do it because you can't do it without touching
the water or touching the inside of the toilet bowl, which I I definitely
don't want. So like, I don't know what your only option is over
if you're a sanitary person. If it's if it's a like if you're if
this is if if you're erected and you're trying to tuck it in your dick
is probably because like my thing is if my erect dick wants to stand at
attention. So if I were trying to tuck it in the bowl, it
would be touching the the inside of the ball, uh, the inside the
under like under the bowl, or probably poking the inside of where like that's
so that is so unimaginably disgusting to me just even first of all, yeah,
let's end of the first part. I have no memory of shitting with
a hard dick because these because he thought of being at because immediately, if
I have the urge to ship, there's no erection anymore. Like there's no
like that the the erection, it will be completely canceled by having the urge
to ship. There's there's not like like I've woken up in the morning with
morning would and have to piss really bad and I need like I need maybe
thirty seconds or something to let it soften so I can just piss like correctly
and not try to angle it like a retard because I can I have a
little self control where I can just wait before I fucking piss everywhere. But
yeah, I can't think of a time where I was sitting shitting and my
dick is incredibly hard. I can't think of that. I can't relate to
that either. That's like I've never I have no memory of this happening.
I do have. I have memories of Like I have memory of it being
over the like over the you know, the the rim or whatever, or
like over the fucking seat, But like I don't. Now that's crazy,
that's insane, Like you're out of your mind. Guy who got his face
face eating off in Vegas, sorry to tell you this, but crazy man,
it's fucking lunacy, all right, oh lizard wrote in he says,
hey boys, quick, quick one. Since you guys cover Ethan Ralph perfect
we just mentioned them on this very episode. Uh oh, quick one,
Since you guys cover Ethan Ralph adjacents from time to time, did you see
here, okay, so here it is. Did you see that Nick Rikata
dude high out of his mind jacking it on stream? Then a few days
later got raided and arrested for possession of drugs and guns. So I only
saw an image of this guyan, So I only saw an image of this
guy on Twitter looking like really defeated, and people just kind of talking like,
Yo, what the fuck's going on? But I actually don't know much
about this guy even slightly. I just know that he was I guess was
is he He's like a law YouTuber right, Like he's like a he covers
like law or like he's a lawyer or something. Yeah, so he's a
lawyer. He has a law firm. He has a law firm. He's
been around for a few years. And he made a really just and insanely
stupid mistake because he blew up during the pandemic. He covered. There was
two cases that he covered where he'd be getting over one hundred thousand people concurrently
watching his streams, which is unheard of. But he'd be covering like the
amber Heard case for example, like they would be going to the Johnny dev
amber Heard thing. So he was doing that something else I can't remember on
the top of my head right now. But he blew up over the pandemic,
and he made this really grave mistake of getting involved with the ethan ralph
types, those that part of the Internet those, He befriended them where he
was if you're getting one hundred thousand, if you're on that level, you're
on a level that you would not even touch that other shit. But he
started, He's like, oh, I want to be cool, I want
to be seen as I want to basically appease these guys that use Kiwi farms
and stuff like that. He wanted to like be in with that crowd,
and then he started engaging with them, started laughing at Ethan Ralph Cliffs and
harassing. I just found out recently that so you know Maddocks, You know
Maddox, You know that guy? No, you never any guys never heard
of him. He's Internet guy. Okay, yeah, So he used to
have this podcast called the Biggest Problem of the Universe or something. There's a
huge fallout with the guy. There's a part of the Internet, the same
part of the Internet that I'm talking about. They have been harassing that dude
for like forever and have caused him a lot. He's been docks and all
this stuff, and apparently Nick Rikaida led the charge in a lot of it.
So he was involved in all of that stuff, doing all this doxing
and all this dumb fucking bullshit where Maddox was like laughing his ass off when
he saw the mugshot, he was like, great as a Nick Krikada apparently
tried to uh send a cease and desist because he's like, oh, there's
a picture of Nick Ri Kata that uh he has, he's has he has,
he's wearing blackface. And then so uh that Maddox guy called him a
blackface uh lawyer. And then so Nick Ri Kata tried to be like,
no, she should assist. So they they gotten this whole little thing.
But I'm just saying for a little bit of context. So he obviously somehow
fell down this crazy rabbit hole, became an alcoholic. Maybe it was always
an alcoholic, but just never showed it. He had kids in the house,
he had a wife and some other streamer that I've never heard of before,
some blonde chick. They were all there. There was guns, there
was drugs, there was kids, and then he got arrested his mug shots.
And I haven't like when you when you talk about the jacking off in
the stream, I haven't seen anything like that. But I do have a
stream queued up so I can learn about it. This stream is like two
or three hours long, so I'm like, okay, probably i'll watch it
after I move. But that's that's the gist of it. This guy is
a fucking like imagine dude who gets one hundred thousand current viewers when they're streaming
that is like that's fucking You're You've made it. You you are, You're
at the chippy top and then you you dive in, You're at You're at
the upper eusche one. As far as like you're you're you're the best,
You're the best and most even though like I don't know, he's never seemed
entertaining to me, but long story short, he wanted to get into that
crowd I can't beyond me like literally the bottom of the barrel. There are
certain areas of the Internet that like you just kind of get like I wouldn't
call it a sixth sense because I think it's pretty obvious, but like there's
just kind of like you just almost like a Spidersn's where it's like, Okay,
I'm gonna like stay away from this, not even not even necessarily like
from you know, watching or anything, but like as far as like engaging
on any like deeper level than yeah, participating, it's like you gotta fucking
you gotta have some some of your wits about you. And like now I'm
pretty sure like a lot of this guy's friends are just like totally turning on
them because it's like a ment oh someone spiraling, So like, yeah,
of course they're gonna like milk it for you know content. It's like,
you know what, fine, But like, dude, that's that's the those
are your bedfellows, you know. I can tell you. I can tell
you one thing. I'm not worried about any of any of my friends.
First of all, I wouldn't do that to my friends. I wouldn't like
cover their fucking you know, their fucking spiral, their misfortunes. But I
also know that none of them would do that for me if that were you
go through like a bad spot and I'm making YouTube videos clowning you. Look,
they're there are There is a generation. There's a generation of YouTubers.
It's very good. There's a there's a generation of YouTubers that, uh that
kind of grew up here and grew up on the internet and became famous before
they had to work. And they are absolutely sociopaths. They're like one hundred
percent, like a million percent, Like there's no, that's not even like
an armchair like diagnosi. It's just like readily apparent. It's as simple.
It is as simple as denoting like what color something is, you know,
like it really it really is that obviously like yo, that's fucking that's sociopathic
shit. And it's like God bless you. Where people like just throw their
like homie content creators just like under the coul because you could disagree with someone's
actions, you know, yeah, but don't throw your man's under the bus.
Like I've seen people pitched their homies under the bus and I'm just like,
yeah, it's it's really it's a weird thing. I would only there's
there's limits. Like say, if if I had a friend that like,
did you know murdered or like it was like a pedophile, if something like
that happened, they turn out and be like a demon. I'll turn on
them. I will disagree with them, i will disagree with what they did,
but I'm not going to put five on there say something if you were
if if I find out that like anyone of you were a pedophile, I'm
laughing. The fun I'm laughing at you, like, wait, like a
lot, and I'm probably gonna make stuff about it because that's crazy. That
is you're not on a show anymore, because that is because that is a
level, that is a level of evil that I think didn't like completely eradicates
any amount of sympathy, Like I have no sympathy for those people, but
like that is such a that is a I'm saying this as someone that has
no one I think, and I really really really don't think anyone I know
that I'm close. It's capable of that, right, what I'm saying.
Everybody says that though that's the fun. That's no, that's true. That's
true. No, it's it's you're right, you're right. I'm I can't
imagine. It's like it isn't that it's so relevant to what I'm perceiving things
though it's the realmon like how I perceive it right now. I'd be like,
I can imagine one of my friends would be killing somebody. Even if
they killed somebody, I'd be like, look, Chris shot somebody, and
though I really disappeared him shooting somebody that has been my friend for well,
the thing about well about that here's the thing. Here's here's here's the thing.
No murder is something else, Like that's something that's actually like one of
those things where I would have to I would have to know a little bit
more about it, because yeah, you can't accidentally, right, you understand
what I'm saying, like the act of killing another person, Like if I
found out that, if I found out that like Kingson killed somebody, I
wouldn't immediately I would I wouldn't immediately go like oh him, I'd be like,
all right, well, what the fuck happened? Because I know Kingston
well enough to know that this can't just be out of Like I know my
friend's well enough to know we're talking about were talking about what I was talking
about, Derek, what are you talking about? Exactly? That's what we're
talking about, but you're not. But that was never the fucking subject.
It was when somebody did something fucked up? How would you treat them?
Like you're shifting to something else that is not relevant to what we were trying
to do? Forward on, Derek, what the fuck we're like literally just
fleshing out the conversation to like denote the differences between the fucked up actions that
people do and like how he would treat them? Like what do you mean?
It's literally literally what was happening was no see what the subject was.
What was happening is that Sweetye was saying something different. It's like, oh,
why are you treating I want to I want to examine why he wouldn't
just denounce somebody that did something heinous? And then we just shifted and never
even finished that line. That lane alight, That's that's where we were heading.
And then I'm like, as far as it says like if someone does
something wrong, right, I'll be like, look I this, I really
don't fuck it with it, this thing that they did. I don't fuck
with the things they did. But in truthfulness, I'll be like, look,
I don't know the person for years and they've been a close personal friend
to me. I'm not going to instead of instead of tearing them down,
I will openly denounce what they do because that's not my name. I don't
I don't tell people, but it depends on my doing. Even if it's
like even if let's let's say let's say let's say like confused, let's hoypothetically
right, let's say like someone I know ends up having a pedophilic case around
them, right, I'm like, look, what they did was fucking terrible.
I don't fucking agree what they did. That's some fun ship. They're
my friend. I'm not gonna say they're my friend. I've known them for
years. I don't I don't know where you're going with this now. I'm
like, I've known them for years and they've never done anything like that.
But clear if there's proof of it, I feel a great dealer sorrow for
them, and I hope they figure out what the rever the fuck's are with
them. I'm not gonna go on a tired of belittling them. I'm just
going to denounce they did and I'm going to detach from that situation. You
know what it sounds like to me, It sounds, first of all,
you sound like a politician that you not. I'm not being a politician to
me, Like, because it's I just want okay, I just want to
say this. It's I get a little bit and I'm not I'm not not
actually getting suspicious, but sometimes I feel a little bit off put when there's
some things that is just naturally okay to be upset about and angry about when
somebody fucks a kid and then you don't and you're not have a visceral just
upset response to like what a fucking monster? How dare you like when you
you're giving this politician answer like, oh man, that's just horrible. I
wish I wish they fix whatever is wrong with it. I'm like, bro,
you fix how do you? How do you fix fucking kid? How
do you fix what's wrong with you? No? No, no, no
no no. You hear yourself right now. I'm not saying no, Derek,
you're you're you're you're doing. What I'm saying is I'm trying to figure
out is that like because Frank is like this, I care. If I
care about somebody, it's hard for me to be like denounced all the all
the time that I've spent caring about somebody. You know, I'm not just
go that doesn't that doesn't disappear from me. I'm not gonna agree with their
action, is though, I'm still gonna be mad they did something fucked up.
I'm not going to go out there and defense like if someone doesn't objectively
fucked up, I'm not gonna be like, hey, but he the kid
asked for it. No, I'm gonna be like, Yo, you're a
fucking monster. But I'm still gonna I'm still gonna feel hurt. I'm still
gonna feel hurt for what they did. Of course, of course you're also
it almost sounds like you're not going to cut ties with them. Oh no,
and I am. I would. I would. That's why I said
I would separate myself from them. Yeah, so you said, so,
so what what what Kingston is saying? Instead of I'm not just gonna add
field fire, turning them down, instead of joining in on the dogpile,
you would, because you are so connected to the situation, you would just
prefer to just wash your hands in the entire thing and separate yourself entirely,
like not even engage with the conversation, because just even even being involved in
the idea, it's like, oh, somebody I know did this horrible thing,
and now I have to talk about it constantly. That's that's exactly you
understand. Extremely I understand what you're saying. You worried it very strangely though,
Like when you first started saying it, I was like, because I
was like, all right, I guess I I get like if I found
out that my dad was like a like a monster monster monster monster monster,
you know what I mean, I definitely wouldn't want to talk about it.
I would just be like, well, you know that's uh, I'm not
gonna talk to my dad anymore, I guess, and I'm separating myself.
But I'm not gonna like make videos about it or talk about it. This
person constant and that that that I just like a regular No, totally as
like a regular person. I would only us being in public features somewhat.
I even hate using that, and at at some point I would just like
say, if you have a fan base, I would like, I'm gonna
I'm gonna connect with my fans and I'm gonna talk about this one time.
Uh. The person obviously has no obligation to fucking do anything like that,
right to even I'm gonna get out if it's brought up heavily and it needs
to be talking, it's going to be if you have a fan base and
you just if you're gonna be one of those people, well you're let I
agree, yes, you're right, But I'm saying like, I'm gonna bring
it up. Somebody talk about it, ask me about it one time.
I'd be like, I'll give my my piece about it. That's literally what
I said. Yeah, and then that's yeah. I have to say though,
dude. I have to say though, dude, if you're like I,
if you are my friend and I openly like cut ties with you,
you've really fucked up. Yeah. That's because like my bar, like I'm
a pretty loyal person, Like my bar is pretty fucking like you got to
be a really like I don't get like Derek was saying like that that's the
line where like it's like if you're you're diddling, you're you're killing, you're
raping, Like that's you're you're out of here. Yeah, you know,
if you essentially ruined somebody else's life, I can't funk with you, right,
Like I can't. I You're like if you're even if you're attempted,
yeah, like if you attempt that shit, you know when like say,
I actually literally had my my roommate I had a conversation with about Timpole yesterday
about when he tried to call Emma Biglin a pedophile, and I was like,
well that's that to me, that's an immediate like I can't fuck with
this guy anymore, like he tried to ruin this chick's life essentially, like
I can't fuck with him. There's no way in hell I can even pretend
to be civil with this guy, because I'm like, you're a You're a
monster, you know how, you know that's the worst thing in society,
kid, fuck is the worst thing. So trying to accuse somebody of that,
like, I immediately can't fuck with you. And so in a way
that if somebody was gonna ask me about it, even if let's just say,
let's just say Timpole and I were best friends before that, I'm turning.
I've turned coat. I also, so I'm like I can't be friends
with them, like a fucking yeah, Like it'll hurt me. It would
hurt me. It would hurt me. I'd be like, fuck, man,
the amount of years I spent with this motherfucker and you have been this
could this evil piece of ship hind my back? How fucking dare you like
that? I know people? Let me just say it like this, right,
I know people that I am friends of people that sell drugs. Right,
I'm still that are moving like not good weight, and I'm still their
friend. So you got to do to be like, I can't funk with
you. No what I'm saying. I'm like usually the friend that's like,
hey, what's going on? Shoot through, let's talk about this. That
been like my that's usually my role in the friend groups. Stay away from
me. That's bad. The other thing, too, though, is that
like because you brought up tempoole. It's like because people people mentioned that to
me sometimes too, of like not just timpoole, but like other people like,
oh, well like you you kind of you cut chargun off. And
it's like, these are not this is not what friends. This is not
what I mean when I'm talking about friends. When I talk about friends,
I'm talking about like people that I like would go to in like a crisis,
or like people that I would like talk to about like serious stuff.
I'm not talking about like people that I've like worked with occasionally, or like
am on good terms with, or we've collaborated once or twice, or we
did a stream once like. These are not like friends. These are acquaintances
people are weird about. Like people's barometers for like relationships are completely screwed in
general, I think. But that's not what I'm talking about. Like it
would be very easy for me to cut It would be very easy for me
to cut ties with somebody that I barely have any ties to. And that's
why I do that. If I've ever done that day like this, there's
content creator friends, right, like content creator acquaintances, right, that's somebody
make videos with every now and then. But like a friend is like if
Chris ended up killing somebody, that's my actual friend. Like I will be
at the court date and I would like try to get a lawyer and I
would visit and I'm like, hey, what's going on. That's a friend
Like you, guys I would care enough about to put money into like helping
you or figure out your situation. It depends on, like like said,
killing somebody, right, Like you said you want to investigate, right,
yeah, if I know under me, If I like, if I found
out that you had a diary and even planning on killing someone for once,
I think I couldn't support you, That'd be like, Okay, you you're
a fine. Like I was really upset, you got really upset and you
just shot someone or something. Of course I can be like damn, bro
fuck, We'll get through this, hopefully, hopefully through this we'll figure this
out, man, don't worry me. And you and a thing like that
where you kind of made a mistake where oopsie had killed someone, I'm like,
fuck, that's awful, but like, okay, we've all been mad
enough to think about it, so you just took the extra step. But
like, I can't, I can't support like somebody who's like I've been plotting
the murders. If I find a diary. If I find a diary,
I'm giving one go. I'm giving one, Like, hey, man,
are things okay? It's anything like really tripping you out right now, there's
one I'm giving one try. I'm gonna give one serious try. I'm like,
yo, come over, let's chill. I'll tell like, hey,
Lily, get out the house that things could get fishy. Come over and
we would just talk and I'd be like, yo, man, do you
really got to Like do you have to? He'd be like yes. I'm
like all right, man, well yeah, it's gotta be. I'm not
gonna snitch. Man. I get it. I get what you're saying,
especially with the there's a there's degrees to because you talked about somebody selling drugs
because in the same vein. I've known people that have sold drugs but they
don't do anymore. But like it's kind of that ignorant thing where you're like,
oh, out of side of the mind is the tact You didn't you
didn't see them give the drugs to somebody that eventually they ruined their lives because
you didn't see that happen, and so you can kind of turn turn your
mind off and and uh not, you know, it really witnessed the horrors
of what they're doing. That's it's a very ignorant take, obviously, because
but I understand it's true though. It's it's how people function. You know.
It's like thinking about like, yo, like your dad, You're like
your dad is in the military, you know, like your dad is over
there to to destroy brown people. Your dad's killing somebody. Yeah, but
like you know, it's like it was for the country. It's like,
well, you're still killing people. You don't have to kill people. You
could just not do it, you know, and stuff like that. Like
I know some dude that was putting dust inside a weed and selling it.
Man, people woul get addicted to the weed, like fucked up people I
knew some like cartoons, evil niggas man. Yeah, yeah, I just
say he was and he was making bread because they were like, yo,
this weed is fire like yeah, because you're addicted to dust right now,
You're on wet right now. That's why it's fire. These villains do but
there and they are not really bad people. They're just like doing not good
things. There's a difference between that. There's a difference. There's a line
between such an that is a long conversation I have, man like about it,
but it's a worthwhile conversation to have at the same time as well.
Yeah, it's just crazy and it's like, yeah, I'm never buying a
week from you. I'm never smoking with you ever again. Yeah. Well,
on that note, we gotta get the we gotta get the out of
here, and I know we gotta get out of here. Remember to uh
man, this is what I want to listen to again. This one really
went all over the place. We talked about the ocean Gate thing. We
uh disparaged the South quite quite intensely. Thank you guys for stopping stopping by.
Remember stark tank dot shot also patroon dot com slash is stark tank.
If you want to support early access questions right on the show and all that.
Uh, I have a heart out. I've got to be somewhere in
like two minutes, so we are going to inject the have to leave like
soon, but we're gonna inject the credits in a second. So thank you
off for sapping. Bye. We will see you next time. We're gonna
read the twenty five dollars patrons. Now bye. If you pissbla, go
to a doctor, don't don't go all right. Credits time, credits time,
hitting women. Vaughan of The Dead Spiral confidently showing up on the set
of RuPaul's Drag Race unaware that it's not short for dragon race. So wow,
that's dumb round eyed Asian Slenderman's gay brother. I like mender Man.
Keep that for next week because I want I want Kingson and Derek to to
hear that one. I think they'll get a kick out of that one.
Wearing a trench coat to terrify and mystify Benya Binya Binala Beenya phallic bald baldwins
skeet shoot, I ain't shooting blanks. Went on leave to t to Thailand
and hit up Lingling the lady boy took a big sniff of that Mahi mahi,
stuck it in his back walls. Bussy had me fighting for my life,
carrying Chris around as my pocket Bussy. Let's see, let's see,
let's see Miguel O'Hara's transmask pussy. It goes like this, the fourth and
fifth of the Monster Condom, the Magnum Dictorian pussy in this life for the
next Dick Stone Cold call me BBC, Austin Springsteen, I'm on fire.
Oh oh, I am gay pooped in a sack, called it poop sack,
Lil Wayne telling Drake to keep it. Canadian Jack, the world's fastest
MAJORI Charles Leclerk won the Monaco Grand Prix. Let's go Comcast, Wells Fargo,
All State, Nike, Kellogg, Hula, Packard's, CBS, MasterCard,
Dow Chemical, Macy's three M Delta Airlines. Big Meaty stinks. Uh
Andy, the man whose handies are s tier and dandy. Oh no,
Andy, the man whose handies are now a tier, but not as dandy.
Joker versus black Man. Sween sounds like chills when he reads uh heaths
Smoker lawyering your way out of being gay as you wrote me gids, we
should make fun of Sween, the same as Kso, the guy whose face
got eaten off in Vegas. I only fuck with I only fucking fluorescent lighting,
homeless transferm who comes Kodek Black getting castrated for raping erm ou Ah.
Listen to swords drawn by Army of the Pharaohs and see if you recognize the
sample. They are like Jedi mind tricks. One of my lecturers got One
of my lecturers got cooked by the lead singer of the Pixies. I once
saw Sweeney do fifty slow handstand pushups. Ks my curse. There's come burning
to find you. Will you come for me, mister pants. Next on
Awful News, the Evil Corporation Black Rock has a podcast ball Over the First
Sin spum befutters Sweeney, Please come to Sweden. The Gnome hunting season is
right on, is on right now. Jolly old dipshit Honk Honk tour Sala
honk as wheelchair mounted bikehorn that he uses to communicate may thy load, drip
and splatter ciphergrapt fiberglass flashlight plank prank. I can't believe they put a black
person in my historical fiction game. I got monkeys. You gotta climb with
this ridiculous gandal flow hunter a dui just pussy using a riot shield, Lily
milking asmin gold for one measley drop of piss. What pussy would would make
a hypothetical gay? Little Red showed wolf and not gray. Not a gray
wolf. Reds are nearly extinct. They suck, so that's crazy. I
don't know what the fuck that that was? Schizophrenic Lily's asparagus dealing, piss
dealer, you must go to the bodega system. I like how when Sweene
was reading these names, he was like, dude, it's it's dagobas system.
I remember that sticks out every time I read that. I think of
that now occasion container crackerbow for gays, disgruntled Donald Trump burbing on Dom's clit
a frenchman, ate a plate, google it and discuss ate a plane.
H She Derek on my sweeneytail like Chris, can you please leave a few
seconds of silent audio at the end of the episode. Patroon always cuts off
the last few seconds at the end. She pipped it on my pip up
possum chewy mckoles in hands okay, Daddy Derek, can you fight a wolf?
You can fight a wolf. I believe you, insisting that Brill is
a stand up guy. Brill is a stand up guy. A monkey biting
a baby's soft spot. Oh my god, just the hard r star coffee
ripped the digital hookah and now I'm getting molested on the set of Embryonic Sheldon.
This episode of The Soccer Time sponsored by Booty Talk ninety three, which
features actual twin sisters. God, I need to blow my nose. My
son froze to death in the waste of Ohio by going homeless to pay you
Fox, and now this is is memorial rip John transferm Gremlin exposing people with
lack thousand dollars in ninety million rott as in radiation. USh warms to Craig
the Canadians sticking stinging out the sniffer looking to suck on those grippas. God
damn, it's your boy. Shawne d Agent forty seven and a lobster suit,
giggling and wiggling his knees like a little school girl waiting for warranty harding
to enter the enter the kitchen three XO and that alien from Saint or four
who just says whoops after killing seven billion people? Somebody that I used to
know by throat yea. Somebody used to somebody that I used to blow by
throat yea. There is no cock like corse cock, said your assil in
the shock can need to horse more cock, of course, cock sloping stroke
and smoking joking Emoticon's going like this, drip mh Lord of Homeless Drip,
cutting Sweeney's balls off, putting them in a blender and waterboarding him with his
own blended up balls. Boeing battle Royale obi wan Sha blowing Norwegian game dep
now developing pis Quest featuring Lily and Sween. Kremlin de Gremlin Lord Bartholome,
you hand job inventor of anal sex. I'm going to steal your bones.
I take sacks of the face whenever I can tune of remember the name five
percent gay fifty percent anal pain. Come come come, come, come,
come come Are you ready? Shadow man? Uh? Just an emoji of
a shrimp gay slip not be like thrust inside put the penis in. I
wage lay five eighty three A sad guy from Michigan telling the boys it's not
gay to mix up mixed, come into our pre workout and not crossing my
fingers and sighing when nothing bad happens. The Peppini Bros. Master, The
Puppini Brothers rep. God, The Peppini Brothers Present Massa Roschi Flow. They
forgot I was him, so I hit him with general Blues third reich Stare
do Donkerson definitely applause, definitely wait, definitely applause, definitively applause, defiantly
applause. Wait, what is happening? Oh? This is is this dyslexia
stuff? Defiantly apple sauce, whatever that's annoying. Listen to my hit.
Listen to hit My spot by You're pretty, hands down one of the best
original songs, the original gay songs I've ever heard. You gotta pay the
trolls hold again in the boys hole Gaye six, I'm smashing that jazz Cabbage
by the thirties. No cap on God pp. I think ESPN is just
esp but for black people. I don't know what that is. The no
grammar notes for swinging. Everything you do on the pot is fire. Keep
killing it, goooner Wonderland by earth Wind and come ah help. Fuck she
knocked out. She knocked on my loose till I suffocate rfk's brainworm. I'll
carpet bomb the Godza strip for a quarter. John Strickland, my partner snapped
the chair legs off my Chris arreg on Youtubes and then proceeded to tear my
legs off in self defense. It's insane, Merks eighteen eighty nine. My
man flew too close to the sun, totally gave me the icarus. So
that's so bad man. The First Church of Key David, Yes, I
would genocide the fuck out of some pizza. Second Church of Key David featuring
being better than the First Church of Key David pre Rise Blake eight nine six
disastrously Big Dicks dicking down Big Booty Bitches Productions. Fyi, it has been
almost a year and Mama JF is still missing. That's fucking insane. Chris
trying to read like Papa Papapa filling up the communal crackpipe with it asbestos Alaska
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back in the saddle with two functioning hands. And it's always rounding out our
list. The King of Haphazard Bye,