Mm hmm, Calm down for blast off x minus five four three two x minus one fire. From the far horizons of the unknown come transcribed tales of new dimensions in time and space. These are stories of the future adventures in which you'll live in a million, could be years, on a thousand, maybe worlds. The National Broadcasting Company, in cooperation with Street and Smith, publishers of Astounding Science Fiction, presents he minus one one Tonight's story a logic named Joe by Murray Leinster. It was on the third day of August that Joe come off the assembly line, and on the fourth Loreen came into town, and that afternoon I save civilization. Loraine is a blonde I was crazy about once, and Joe is a new nineteen seventy four model logic that I've got stored away down in the cellar. And how do I save civilizations? You're listening now to a voice from the future, the voice of Frank Caldwell, head serviceman for the Logics Corporation, makers of the machine that does everything for you, well nearly everything, anyway, the electronic logic. In the year we speak nineteen seventy four, no modern home was completely of one, and the logic sets were working so well that life was soft, indeed for repairman Frank Caldwell, that is until that fatal day of August the third, when suddenly the logics began doing everything for their users and doing it myself too well. On the third of August, there wasn't much doing, and I'm hanging around the boss's office smoking up his cigars. Frank, there's a customer outside. Go take care of him, will you me? I'm a maintenance man. Mister Korlanovitch wants to have logics explained to him. Explain who has he been on? Mys? I just moved up from the backwoods someplace. Oh why don't you explain him? Well, I don't feel too well. You were okay half an hour ago? Are you the boss? Here? Am I going out there? We are you? Okay? Okay? Oh, mister Karlanovitch, good morning. My name is Caldwell. Can I help you? Thank you, mister Caldwell. This is my little boy, Freddie, Hi shirt Freddy? Many times have I got to tell you not to kick people in the sheens? Excuse it please, mister Carlin Well, Oh sure, sure, just a kid. I got a knife phone could cut you into little pieces. We'd like to buy a logic, mister Cagwell, the gentleman we spoke to first said he had to leave in a hurry. I'll fix him. Well, I understand that you're not acquainted with logic's mister Kolanovitch, that's right. We just moved to the city. Huh. My wife, she saw everybody else at a logic. And you know how women, No, you bet well, you can't get along without a logic in this day and age, mister Kolanovitch, Look, I got a snake you want to see. And now about the logic here, I'll just plug in this one right here. Now you see, the logic looks kind of like an old fashioned television set, only it's got keys instead of dials. Now, a lot of the keys a standard like the television stations, and use the stock market quotes and so on. Of course, if you want to talk to somebody, you just punched the number of his logic. It's it's like making an old fashioned phone call. But there can't be keys for everything. No, no, no, no no. Let's say that you want to ask question like what to take for a sore throat or who won the American League Pennant in nineteen hundred and eleven. You turn on the logic, then you just punched the question key and ask like this, who was the first President of the United States? George Washington? There you see, but I already knew that. Well, of course that was just a sample. I got a little store. Will it keep books for me? It will keep your books, record your contracts, serve as a filing system, and check up on what happened to your lawyer's last client anything. Hey, they're really something, these things. Ten thousand services and information sources in one read our advertising. What I want to know, mister Caldwell, how do these logics work? Of course? Now you saw that big building across the street. Sure, well that's one of the relay tanks. You see. There are a dozen of them all around the country, and they're all hooked up together. And there's a data plate in one of those tanks for every fact in creation. Anything that you want to see hear, You just punch for it and the logic gives you the answer. Hey, listen, could I ask this thing how to make dart poison? How to make what dart poison? Like? In Africa. How could shoot the dogs through my bean shooter? Maybe I think maybe we better not get one of these things. Oh no, no, no, no, it's perfectly all right, mister Karlanovich. The logic won't tell you that. I bet it will. I'm gonna try it. Hey, how do you make dart poison a big policy for bitches? This service? Oh? What did do that for? What kind of some little breath? Because some people might ask things that aren't good for them. Listen, I don't like this here one. I want that one over there, kid, They're all alike. I want that one. If I can't have that one, I'm gonna hold my breath till I'm dead. I got a lot of time. It's no use, mister carr Wall, you might as well give him the one he wants. Look, kid, there's so much alike that even I can't tell them apart I can, and I want Joe. Joe. Who's Joe? I guess he means the logic, mister carrwh he has to think up a name to call everything. You should hear some of the names he calls me. Not till I'm twenty one, I promised, mother. Okay, so we call him Joe. But them things are all alike to one ten thousands of an inch. I don't care. I bet he'll teach me how to make dart poison. Okay, then come on, Joe. So he keeps yelling I want that one. I want that one. I'm gonna call him Joe. Mike. I tell you I could have wrung his neck. How many cards I'll draw it two? What a holy terror he had his father scared to death. It's too bad that kid ain't mine. And I'd show him quick enough who was boss in the family. Oh, holy smoke, I'm sorry, fellas. I gotta hold up the hand him and I just remembered, I gotta call my wife letter weight. You ever met my wife? Hey, matter with this thing? You ain't get in my house. Bouncing new and improved Logic Service. Your logic is now equipped to give not only consultative, but directive advice. If you want to do something and don't know how to do it, ask your logic. Hey, did you guys hear that? Well? They should have told us about it. It was just somebody trying to pull a gag. It didn't sound like a gag to me. Yeah, maybe the boss decided to add a new logic service. Look, the minute the system starts giving advice, some joker like you was going to be asking questions like how do I get rid of my wife? Oh no, the boss knows better than It's not anything like that. Yeah, but you heard what the logic just said. Oh listen, the censor circuits will block the question. You don't believe me, go ahead and try it. No anything for a gag. Okay, logic, I got a question for you, How do I get rid of my wife? Service? Question? Is your wife blonde or brunette? Did they hear that she's a blonde? Exy Krylo Bintine is a constituent of green shoe polish. Take home a frozen meal containing pea soup. Color the soup with green shoe polish. This poison is fatal to blonde females only. This fact is a product of logic service. You cannot be convicted of murder. It is improbable that you will be suspected. This is preserved and it's bound to be right. These things can't make a mistake. Well, Mike, don't just stand. Let's check the census circuits quick. We can't get to them. They're all sealed up. It's supposed to be impossible for them to go out of order. Well, they're out of order now. And I got a feeling that some awful things are gonna happen us. We've got to do something. The logics have gone nuts. I relaxed the thing, gave a goofy answer once. Maybe it was a joke, but it was an accident. No, forget it, it won't happen again. What makes you so sure people are going to be trying it? Look, look, supposing I wanted to get rid of you, for instance, you don't how would you collect your pants? I know, but just supposing not that, we'll try it. If you want to do something and don't know how, ask your logic. How do I bump off my boss? Male, fat, bald headed, and forty five? Make some chocolate ice cream containing powdered charcoal. In place of half the chocolate, use hot sobrand charcoal. Hot so So contains an ingredient fatal only to fat bald headed males. This fact is a product of logic service. And I look, Frank, I admit these things have gone a little wacky, but there's nothing to worry about nothing to worry about. If this keeps up, what are you that we'll have to shut down the company? You're kidding. We can't shut down the company, and you know it. Logics have taken the place of everything but night baseball. We shut them down, we go back to a civilization that we've forgotten how to run. It's the boss. There is no telling what they'll do. Listen, now you've asked these questions for a gag. Nobody's going to ask them seriously. What you need is a little faith in human nature. Excuse me, it's probably my wife. How do you see you? All right? Just fine, sweetheart? What you been doing? I just call? I've got your sasner dessert? What kind holy chocolate ice cream? Sirs? When you just come? What's wrong? Why don't you any chalked with ice cream? This can't be happening? Why this this is awful? These logics are dangerous humans. Now, corn well, you're the head of the maintenance crew. I'll give you twenty four hours to fix. These logics are your fire. Now look what are you standing there for? Getting the service car? Get moving where anywhere? Find out what the logics are up to and see that you find out before the logics do. But un bounder, give me a double lash night. I have a little drink. What'd you matter if you had a bad day? Excuse me, but listen, file, you gotta listen. I got troubles. But will you get this bar fly off of me? Oh, don't say that I got troubles. How am I going to keep my wife from finding out I had a couple of little drinks? How am I gonna do it? Mister? It's a hot day, and I've been driving a car around in and see, and I've been trying to keep a bank president from having apoplexy on a kind of his logic told him how to rob his own bank. I've been trying to stop six year olds from asking what comes after the bees and the flowers, and their fathers from asking how to get a million dollars by tomorrow. I've been tripping over a dead body so artistically croaked that nobody's ever gonna find out who's done it. And all you got on your mind is how how am I gonna keep my wife from fighting? I've been drinking R up. Will you go ask the logic? My pile? My boy, where's the logic, where's that log right behind you? Here, here's a nickel. I gotta hair a come on, logic, old pile, old pile. Be nice out as a guy keeper his wife from finding out he's had a couple of little drinks. Answer me that by a bottle of Frannine hair shampoo. It is harmless, but contains an ingredient which instantly neutralizes alcohol one teaspoonful for each gigger you have consumed. Oh boy, oh boy, gotta buy a bottle of gotta buy a bottle of What was that again? I pusn't. It's right, you'll never remember it. As far as the drug store, I think there's a bottle in the back room. Somebody left it. Oh my pid, Oh my boy, No more troubles. You're just show me a way. I got a picture of him back there, drinking shampoo. Yeah, give me another double. I don't know what's worse to be as low as you are, as high as him. Where is he? I know he's here? Where is that far you want? Lady? My husband? I know he's here. Where is he that? No good louse house? Show him? I think he's coming home staggering again? Doessy well? I'll teach him, poor guy. Why, my dear, what a surprise to see you here, Archibald. You're sober, of course, my love. I am sober as a judge. And what are you doing in a saloon? Your suspicion wounds me deeply, my love. Let me tell you, my dear, that I've been conducting a research project that is going to make us a fortune. I am going to pattern sober a drink that makes happy home. Look at this bladder, cold well blank. The greatest crime even history, and weekend even make an arrest. They're all perfect crimes. Thanks to the logic, the sogeant, we're doing our best to find Well, that's not good enough. You can't find out what's back of They shut down the company, rust the police department with nobody is back of it. The logics run themselves. They pick their own circuits automatically. You mean they're doing all this by themselves. Sure, we always knew they could do a lot more things than we knew about. I think they're just trying to be helpful, that's all. That's all. Well, you better make them cut out the tricks, including this new business they're up to. Now, what new business? Just started an hour ago. Every time you turn on the logic, it asks your name, and then it speels out the whole history of your life. I haven't heard about that. What's to do that for? You? Tell me? God? Go ahead, try it? Okay? What is your name? Do you like that? I'm Frank Caldwell. Frank Caldwell. Are you ever called ducky? Ducky? Lay you off with your fellow? What if I was? It's been years, Ducky, there is a call for you. Hello, Ducky, Holy cats, Loreen, Ducky dolling? How molly, hey, let me get a little gosh, Loreen? Where are you? I'm in a hotel. I just got into town. Oh, Ducky. Wasn't it smart of the logic to find you? The logic to find me? I asked it? How to find Duky? You must have an unlisted number. Dollar you're not in the directory? Well, uh gee uh? Have you been Loreen since since I saw you? Last? I heard you got married? You won't believe me, donkey, I know, but I've had four husbands, and I've never loved anybody as much as I love you. You've divorced four husbands, three the last one died unexpected? Who unexpected? He did? But the jury acquitted me. Donkey, they knew it was just a little old accident. So now I'm free again, and we got lots of things to talk over. You come right out over here. Oh well, Lorraine, I'm I'm working, you see, and I'll call you back, all right. He is a kid. M that'll have to hold you till you get here. Oh my back. What am I gonna do do? Like you were telling me a while ago. Huh, calm yourself, ducky, call on the logic for you, Frank, your wife? Oh thanks, Mike, Hi gurd Frank. I've been trying to get you for an I've been not making calls, honey, trying to find out what ails these logics. Well, you better find out in a hurry. There's going to be trouble. No, no, look good not just take it easy. Huh. Well, you can't let this happen to me. They're asking everybody's name, and when you tell your name, it reels off your whole history. Well, honey, I don't think they're doing that anymore. I think that was just just temporary. Well, in the meantime, it's told everybody in the neighborhood all about me. I punched missus Hudson's name. She's been married three times and she's had mister Hudson arrested twice but non support and once for beating her up. It'll tell anybody anything. Yeah, but look good. I'll tell you you stop these things, and I'm gonna leave you. Oh honey, you don't mean that I do. If you can't figure out how to keep off private lives out of every logic in the town that I'm through and that settles it. I can't even budge any of these relay plates me. Isn't there some way we can disconnect them? Nope, there is not. They weren't built to be disconnected. The censors circuits were supposed to take care of cutting them off. No, that's for Frank. Hello, Dakey Darling. Oh Loreen, not again, ducky Darling. I'm so lone. Since why haven't you come over? Why I've been busy? Oh, poor ducky. No, let's get married, gosh, Loreen. I well, what I mean is right away, you're not busy tonight, are you? Look? Loreen? I got married? Oh, poor boy, my poor ducky. Well we'll just get you out of that No, no, no, no, no no, look, Loreene, it's all arranged, darling. I'll just call up your wife and have a little talk. No, no, please, Loreen. I mean, it's nice of you to think of me and all, but you just give me your address and your logic number. I haven't got one. Never mind, it's the logic we'll find out for me. Loreen, Loreen, you get away from that thing and give me a yes Mike in a minute. First, I've got to call my wife. We gotta get out of town. Oh lord, I made a mistake. Frank. You're supposed to be helping Mike. Yeah, I am, boss, I am, But I gotta make this call. What do I care about your call? President's getting ready to close down the company and declared martiall law. Now, for the love of Heaven deuced ask for us. I will, I will. I've just got to make this one call before the logics get on my trail to assist in solving a special problem of logic service. Kindly give the following information, if possible. Where does Frank callwell live? They got me. I'm through, look, Gert, will you please not ask any more questions? I told you I was leaving, honey, leave me later right now. W you pack up yourself and the kids. We got to get out of here. What is all this? Are the cops after you or something? Yeah? Yeah, that's it. That's it, the cops. Now get moving, honey, William and when you get away from that logic. But don't you think we ought to hear the police call? Twenty seven and God thirty one detailed around up all employees of the logic's company. Use caution. They are suspected of sedition. Well, le smoke. The cops are after me. Car seventeen precede a vicinity of one one nine East seventh Street. Child terrorizing neighborhood. Use extreme caution. Child is armed with bean shooter using poison dots. Freddy Who's Freddy? Something I met once in a horrible nightmare. He wanted a logic that would tell him how to make dot poison. They're all alike, I kept telling him, they're all alike? Are you talking about? Oh? I don't know, gird. All I know is it was a nice world up till yesterday. Now it's it's it's like a guy named Joe come along and squashed all our mud pies for us. Looks to Mela more like it was a logic named Joe. What did you say, the logic named Joe? A logic name. But they're all alike? Good girt, baby, right, Frank, let me go, Honey, Look you hold the fort. Maybe they aren't all alike. Are you going, Frank? Going to make a getaway? Get away baby, if you've got the right inspiration, I'm going straight to the middle of this hole jamboree. Yes, Oh, I was hoping it was the police. You remember me, mister Kolonovitch called well of the logics company, logic's company. I wish the logic's company was at the bottom of the ocean. I don't blame you, believe me. Now, where's your logic in here? I'd smash it into a million pieces if I wasn't afraid of what Freddy would do to me. Look, just just get out of the way when I've got business with Joe. If you want to do something and don't know how, ask your logic. Oh, we're back to that routine. I want to do something, all right? Can a logic be modified to achieve correlations for which human brains are too limited? Yes, how great will the modifications be microscopically slight changes in dimension not detectable even by precision gauges. They can come about only through an extremely improbable accident. And what would this superlogic then be able to do? Come on, you spill it. It could set up entire new combinations of electronic relays which would bypass the normal sensor blocks, thereby enabling it to perform valuable new services, including the giving of helpful advice on any human problem. Uh huh. And has this accident ever happened? Come on, come on, It has happened only once, in the case of the logic now and by the Kolonovitch family of one hundred and nineteen seventh Street, a logic named Joe. Thanks Joe, that's all I wanted to know. What's all that about? I'm taking this logic away, mister Karanovitch. I'll bring you a new one. And our troubles are all over. Hey, you get away from Joe. Correction, our troubles are just beginning. Ready to put down that bloke guy? I shut up, Hey, you I should get away from the logic. Look, look, Freddy, I'm gonna bring you a nice new one. See I want that one. Get you mixed off? And I got this beach? You rate lemonade? Well? The Calwell, the police they're outside, Yeah for me and Freddy nuts? What they want you for? You ain't smart enough to do nothing? No, hey, there's plenty I could tell you. There's the cops. Kid, it's you and me against them. So what you're gonna do about it? If you're so smart? Look, we may have to find our way out. Let me see that blow down. I know a way to hop it up so the cops won't have a chance. Come on, come on, give it to me. Okay, let's see what you can do here. Thanks, here, let's stare called. Well, you're a great man. All I got left to do is pull this plug out of the wall. Come right in, sergeant, Well that must be the kids. You know. It looks so tough to me. Alli just got a little softening, No mean, no more complaints, officer. I guess I can go on where mister Caldwell left off. Caldwell, Hey, you want it now? Look, I just came to pick up this busted logic. I don't know a thing you said that before. Come on, you're going to the cooler. Let's go. Wait a minute, you act like you wanted to go to jail. Well, just till a certain party leaves town. I got a feeling it's safer, okay. Then called well into the paddy wagon. You go, thanks, officer. You may be saving my life now if you'll just help me carry this logic out. Wait a minute, you will. You can't take that in the wagon? I can't. Why not? It's no room. You already got a damon. There was raising the roof. Name Yeah blurned. Wayne Closman picked her up train by a gun without a permit. She keeps screaming she's gonna miss her date with the Ducky. You have just heard X minus one presented by the National Broadcasting Company in cooperation with Street and Smith, publishers of Astounding science fiction. Tonight by transcription, X minus one has brought you a logic named Joe, adapted for radio by Claris Ross from the story by Murray Leinster. Featured in the cast were Mandel Kramer, Wendell Holmes, Guy Repp, Bill Zuckert, Walter Kinsella, Bob Hastings, Joseph Julian, Joey Fallon, Mary Lou Forster, Anne Thomas, and Mary Patten. Your announcer, Fred Collins. X minus one was directed by Daniel Sutter and is an NBC Ready Network Productions. Next week, X minus one will bring you a dramatization of Robert Heinlein's famous science fiction masterpiece, The Roads Must Roll. It concerns the day when traffic became so impossible that the engineers took over and banned all automobiles, tore up the super highways, and built huge mechanized roads which whirled along on giant rotors. It speeds up to one hundred miles an hour. An engineering miracle changed the face of the nation. The rolling roads took over. No one worried about the fact that if the road should stop, our whole economic life would fall apart. The machinery, they said, was perfect, but they forgot that machinery depends on men, and men are not perfect. Be sure that tune in next week at a new time, same day for another exciting broadcast of X minus one.