WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:04.559 Welcome to Hacking Your Leadership. I'm Chris and I'm Lorenzo. And Lorenzo on 2 00:00:04.599 --> 00:00:08.119 this episode, I want to talk about a listener question that I got on 3 00:00:08.199 --> 00:00:11.919 LinkedIn. This is from a person who they asked to be you know, 4 00:00:11.960 --> 00:00:16.399 to remain anonymous, so we'll respect their their anonymity here. But the question 5 00:00:16.719 --> 00:00:24.000 was around feedback that they had received that they weren't perceived as being very authentic 6 00:00:24.440 --> 00:00:30.879 when it came to leading, and that was a kind of a semi surprise 7 00:00:30.920 --> 00:00:35.159 to them because they they had had gotten the feedback in the past, but 8 00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:37.960 they believed they had done, you know, taking steps to kind of make 9 00:00:37.960 --> 00:00:42.479 it better over the years, and we're still getting the same feedback. And 10 00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:49.640 the question was around how how were they able to be perceived as more authentic 11 00:00:50.159 --> 00:00:55.159 on the team. And and I like this question because my first answer is, 12 00:00:55.640 --> 00:00:58.039 well, do you do you want to be perceived as being authentic or 13 00:00:58.039 --> 00:01:03.439 do you want to be authentic? Right? So, and I I will 14 00:01:03.479 --> 00:01:07.840 assume positive intent and assume they actually want to be authentic, not just perceived 15 00:01:07.840 --> 00:01:11.439 as authentic. But they go hand in hand there, And it got me 16 00:01:11.519 --> 00:01:15.040 thinking about the you know, like what if I think about leaders in my 17 00:01:15.079 --> 00:01:19.159 life who are authentic, like I, I perceive them as being authentic and 18 00:01:19.159 --> 00:01:23.400 I believe they are authentic, versus leaders who I don't believe are authentic. 19 00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:26.760 I try to look for, like, you know, kind of traits that 20 00:01:26.760 --> 00:01:29.599 that run the gamut across the board from from all of them, you know, 21 00:01:29.640 --> 00:01:34.400 commonalities, and I keep coming back to this element of vulnerability. But 22 00:01:34.439 --> 00:01:38.280 then, but then I I know leaders who are authentic who they aren't. 23 00:01:38.319 --> 00:01:42.760 They don't have a lot of examples of being where I perceive them as being 24 00:01:42.840 --> 00:01:47.000 vulnerable, but I still think they're really authentic. And then there are leaders 25 00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:49.319 who I've perceived as being authentic and they're just they're just not good people. 26 00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:53.000 They just they just don't it Like I'm these are the ABC's and me kind 27 00:01:53.000 --> 00:01:57.400 of thing, you know. But uh, but yeah, I'm wondering what 28 00:01:57.439 --> 00:01:59.799 your thoughts about this are, because I think it's a there's a lot to 29 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:07.120 hacker. There's this idea of being actually authentic and what that means too. 30 00:02:07.359 --> 00:02:09.120 If you are a leader of leaders or leader of people, and you and 31 00:02:09.439 --> 00:02:14.360 you want to make sure if you know that being authentic is a large part 32 00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:16.879 of your ability to lead a team, that your people have to believe that 33 00:02:16.879 --> 00:02:21.639 you are authentic? How do you do that or what does one do to 34 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:27.000 how do you quantify that in actual actions? Authenticity is something that I think, 35 00:02:27.039 --> 00:02:30.439 over time and interactions allows people to understand who you really are. Again, 36 00:02:30.439 --> 00:02:34.919 this is just kind of my initial thoughts and definition of what that would 37 00:02:34.960 --> 00:02:38.360 be to me is like, are you you know, is Chris showing up 38 00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:44.360 as this same Chris over and over and over again? And are his are 39 00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:47.759 his perspectives? Are his thoughts on things that we're talking about? Are as 40 00:02:47.800 --> 00:02:53.360 the way that he speaks to me provides me with direction, feedback, coaching, 41 00:02:53.479 --> 00:02:57.280 inspiration, whatever those things are? Like, is there's this element of 42 00:02:57.360 --> 00:03:01.840 consistency here that I feel is is you know who he is? And also 43 00:03:02.319 --> 00:03:07.800 am I learning about him personally to a degree in a way that helps me 44 00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:10.879 to understand where he comes from and maybe even why he sees these things these 45 00:03:10.919 --> 00:03:15.199 ways? So when I think about authenticity, that's the first thing that I 46 00:03:15.240 --> 00:03:21.000 think about, is like just this idea of you know, do I think 47 00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:23.479 so it's more of the perception of authenticity. Do I think that Chris is 48 00:03:23.520 --> 00:03:29.800 being true to who he presents himself to be? The actual thing about authenticity 49 00:03:29.879 --> 00:03:32.840 is that you can say I'm being authentic, this is who I am, 50 00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:37.000 this is like you can like it, you cannot like it. You can 51 00:03:37.039 --> 00:03:39.560 appreciate it, you can not appreciate it. But like, I feel strongly 52 00:03:39.599 --> 00:03:45.199 that I'm showing up as who I am, and then it becomes frustrating when 53 00:03:45.199 --> 00:03:47.439 you're kind of getting that feedback of people saying maybe they don't perceive you as 54 00:03:47.479 --> 00:03:54.199 authentic. I think a big factor in that is the comparison elements, especially 55 00:03:54.199 --> 00:03:59.120 when you have either have multiple leaders on a team where people can kind of 56 00:03:59.120 --> 00:04:03.080 compare and contrast, or experiences with other leaders where I'm like, man, 57 00:04:03.479 --> 00:04:09.960 my last leader would talk about like their children and their hobbies and they would 58 00:04:10.000 --> 00:04:13.120 share this, and they would share that, and then my new leader is 59 00:04:13.159 --> 00:04:15.959 really just all about like work and what we have to accomplish. He's nice 60 00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:20.000 and he talks to me and he's not mean to me, but like, 61 00:04:20.279 --> 00:04:24.839 I don't really know who he is, and then therefore I don't know that 62 00:04:24.879 --> 00:04:29.600 he's being authentic, like I think because he's not talking about the numbers when 63 00:04:29.600 --> 00:04:31.639 he's at home, right exactly, No, No, And then I think 64 00:04:31.639 --> 00:04:38.920 another part of that too in leadership specifically where somebody can be truly like I 65 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:42.480 think, being authentic, but then people can perceive them as not. It's 66 00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:46.399 kind of when you get sometimes those like corporty kind of robots that maybe are 67 00:04:46.439 --> 00:04:53.199 just repetitive of like they only say like the hot taglines of a company. 68 00:04:53.800 --> 00:04:57.920 They're very robotic when it comes to like conversations around certain things, like I 69 00:04:57.959 --> 00:05:01.120 think of like the development conversation sations that I've seen sometimes in new leaders where 70 00:05:01.160 --> 00:05:04.399 it's like, I'm just going to like, so, Chris, you know, 71 00:05:04.639 --> 00:05:08.879 tell me about how you feel your work is going. You have an 72 00:05:08.879 --> 00:05:13.240 answer, Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate your insights. Right, 73 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:16.079 Where are things that you feel that you're proud about? Like, And it's 74 00:05:16.120 --> 00:05:24.399 the same script for every persons from the real you exactly. Even if it's 75 00:05:24.439 --> 00:05:28.120 like you do care, you are interested, but you feel that you have 76 00:05:28.199 --> 00:05:32.279 to follow this from a consistency standpoint or whatever. People can say that doesn't 77 00:05:32.439 --> 00:05:35.720 feel authentic, like it feels like it feels like they're just doing this because 78 00:05:35.759 --> 00:05:39.639 they have to, not because they really want to, even if you really 79 00:05:39.680 --> 00:05:42.399 want to. Yeah, I like that I heard the first thing you said. 80 00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:46.360 I heard I heard almost predictability. You said consistency, But when I 81 00:05:46.399 --> 00:05:50.240 hear consistency, it's like, can I if I go into an interaction, 82 00:05:50.920 --> 00:05:55.279 I think this person is going to do this? Okay, now did they 83 00:05:55.279 --> 00:06:00.920 do that? And consistency is predictability, right, But but if a person 84 00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:05.160 is predictably that's that example you gave. They the company speak, that's what 85 00:06:05.199 --> 00:06:11.079 they say. There's that wall up. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're inauthentic. 86 00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:15.160 I think it's hard for people to believe that a person is that shallow 87 00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:18.199 and only shallow, like like how we talk about how a person doesn't care 88 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:21.800 about, you know, deeper things. They just look somebody's looks or somebody's 89 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:26.759 wealth or whatever. I don't mean that shallow. I mean truly just that 90 00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:31.839 there that they are a person who doesn't have the many facets of a personality, 91 00:06:31.879 --> 00:06:38.160 and a person that they know that literally everybody has. Everybody has multiple 92 00:06:38.199 --> 00:06:43.920 facets. So if you're only seeing this one element, it's impossible for most 93 00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:47.319 people to believe that that is how deep a person goes. And so when 94 00:06:47.360 --> 00:06:50.839 that's all you're seeing, the general inclinations think, well, they're clearly not 95 00:06:50.839 --> 00:06:56.399 being authentic. On the flip side. I know leaders who they get so 96 00:06:56.480 --> 00:07:00.759 much out of whatever that work is that that's they believe they are being authentic. 97 00:07:00.759 --> 00:07:01.800 That's what they want to talk about. And if you were to talk 98 00:07:01.839 --> 00:07:05.360 about that same stuff with them right back, they would have an amazing conversation 99 00:07:05.360 --> 00:07:08.319 with you. They would love talking about it. They got a lot of 100 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:12.319 passion from that. So I guess what I'm saying is that there's an element 101 00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:16.720 of perception here that goes a lot deeper than just what you know. It's 102 00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:19.720 almost like you can't label yourself as authentic. People have to label you authentic, 103 00:07:19.959 --> 00:07:24.360 right, you know, And that's a that's an interesting one. I 104 00:07:24.399 --> 00:07:27.800 want to talk about a little bit when it comes to vulnerability because I've often 105 00:07:27.839 --> 00:07:30.639 heard those two things tied together with this. So I know leaders who have 106 00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:35.360 been vulnerable, and that leads you to believe they're being authentic. Because everybody 107 00:07:35.399 --> 00:07:41.040 knows that nobody's perfect. Everybody knows that everybody has made mistakes, and so 108 00:07:41.079 --> 00:07:46.720 if a person is never talking about their mistakes or their failures, then that 109 00:07:46.759 --> 00:07:50.959 can come off as a lack of authenticity because the entirety of a person includes 110 00:07:50.959 --> 00:07:54.639 those mistakes. It has to, So why aren't you talking about it. 111 00:07:54.680 --> 00:07:58.399 Is it because you don't actually believe you've made them, you know, or 112 00:07:58.519 --> 00:08:01.279 is it because you just don't want to talk about them. Either way, 113 00:08:01.319 --> 00:08:05.800 that's that's a lack of authenticity. But I look at people like, you 114 00:08:05.839 --> 00:08:09.959 know, when you see like a politician or somebody on TV and they're apologizing 115 00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:13.120 for whatever it was that they did, And the first thing I think is, 116 00:08:13.480 --> 00:08:15.920 that's not real. They just got caught, right, That's what I 117 00:08:15.920 --> 00:08:18.120 think. So that's that's not a real that's that's admitting a failure. That's 118 00:08:18.120 --> 00:08:24.759 admitting a mistake. But it's not authenticity either. So vulnerability doesn't necessarily mean 119 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:28.079 authenticity, but it could. And what do you think about that? Yeah, 120 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:31.200 I think vulnerability is one of those things that in the right amount, 121 00:08:31.360 --> 00:08:37.720 in the right way, really becomes a big part of people feeling like a 122 00:08:37.799 --> 00:08:43.000 leaders authentic in the context of leadership. Like and again it's it's it's really 123 00:08:43.039 --> 00:08:48.720 interesting because again it's you can not have any and then that makes it difficult 124 00:08:48.759 --> 00:08:50.440 for people to feel that you're being authentic if you never admit mistakes, if 125 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:54.919 you never share things about yourself, if you never talk about the failures or 126 00:08:54.919 --> 00:08:58.039 anything whatsoever. You're never willing to admit to something that's gone wrong. You 127 00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:01.519 pretend like everything is good, Like you can feel like they're being an authentic 128 00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:07.519 but then if you have too much vulnerability and you're you're always like it's like, 129 00:09:07.720 --> 00:09:13.559 you know, just just over the top with uh how you like said, 130 00:09:13.639 --> 00:09:16.679 like where everything is never nothing will ever work, or I don't know 131 00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:20.159 how we'll ever get this done, or like you know, I've made so 132 00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:24.159 many mistakes before. Now you're like, I'm starting to lose confidence now, 133 00:09:24.240 --> 00:09:28.080 Like like it's like, you know, it may make you more authentic, 134 00:09:28.519 --> 00:09:31.440 like that may be more of a reflection of who you are, but as 135 00:09:31.480 --> 00:09:35.519 a leader, I'm like I need an era of confidence. I need somebody's 136 00:09:35.519 --> 00:09:37.720 gonna tell me, like we're gonna figure this out and we're gonna go We're 137 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:41.519 gonna make this work. And it might be difficult, it might be hard, 138 00:09:41.559 --> 00:09:43.039 we might fall in our face a few times, but we are going 139 00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:46.600 to make this happen, and we're gonna take this collective you know, energy 140 00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:48.879 and what we've all learned in the past to kind of apply to this, 141 00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:54.320 to this, to the situation. But I think that the vulnerability is one 142 00:09:54.360 --> 00:09:58.080 of those things that time, place, and amounts. I think it really 143 00:09:58.120 --> 00:10:03.960 really matters. It's kind of like it's just as the recipe has to have 144 00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:09.360 the right measurements, but I also know that those measurements differ from team to 145 00:10:09.440 --> 00:10:13.559 team, in situation to situation, so it's really difficult to pin down exactly. 146 00:10:13.639 --> 00:10:18.240 Like if you say, every week, admit two mistakes and then share 147 00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:26.279 one story where you screw something like, that's the definition of right right, 148 00:10:26.559 --> 00:10:30.159 It's it's kind of like, so it's a it's a really hard one to 149 00:10:30.279 --> 00:10:33.919 capture, but I believe it's absolutely necessary. Yeah, there's this. It's 150 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:43.120 almost like like being vulnerable is a you're you're giving somebody the tools with which 151 00:10:43.159 --> 00:10:50.799 to judge your authenticity and and the right level of vulnerability is needed in that 152 00:10:50.840 --> 00:10:56.120 moment. And sometimes it's not very much vulnerability that is needed in order to 153 00:10:56.720 --> 00:11:01.279 make people understand that you're being authentic. Sometimes a lot of vulnerability is needed 154 00:11:01.320 --> 00:11:03.879 to make people feel like you're being authentic. And you know, so, 155 00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:07.360 I mean it can it can come to like, wait, are you are 156 00:11:07.360 --> 00:11:09.480 you admitting this mistake because you got caught and you never would have said anything 157 00:11:09.559 --> 00:11:13.559 if you hadn't gotten caught. Are you are you are you bringing up this 158 00:11:13.639 --> 00:11:18.519 failure or this mistake and the context of you see me struggling with something right 159 00:11:18.519 --> 00:11:22.039 now and you want to bring up how you went through the exact same thing. 160 00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:26.759 Well, if that's the case, then it needs to be very specific 161 00:11:26.799 --> 00:11:31.360 with examples. Otherwise I feel like you're just saying that you went through this 162 00:11:31.440 --> 00:11:35.960 too because you're trying to You're trying to be vulnerable when when there's not when 163 00:11:35.960 --> 00:11:39.279 it's not real, you're making it up. And so yeah, it's it's 164 00:11:39.320 --> 00:11:43.480 the right level of vulnerability is needed. But but every situation is different in 165 00:11:43.559 --> 00:11:46.320 terms of the amount that is required. So there's no way, there's no 166 00:11:46.360 --> 00:11:50.960 way to predict it. You just have to kind of know in the moment 167 00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:54.960 what you have to do. This is this is hard to practice if you're 168 00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:58.039 not good at it, but it's not impossible. You can do this if 169 00:11:58.080 --> 00:12:00.399 you're If you're not good at this, you can get better. I think 170 00:12:00.440 --> 00:12:05.960 I think it takes into a context like understanding if you're if you're looking to 171 00:12:05.960 --> 00:12:11.120 to develop people, help them work them down the path around like personal learning 172 00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:13.360 and growth and everything. Like I immediately think of the examples when somebody says 173 00:12:13.399 --> 00:12:16.480 to me like hey, you know, here's what we're up against, or 174 00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:22.279 here's here's a you know, here's what we've been doing and we don't know 175 00:12:22.279 --> 00:12:26.080 if we're doing this the right way, or like here's you know, here's 176 00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:30.240 kind of how here's our approach to this, and it sounds like maybe we're 177 00:12:30.240 --> 00:12:33.600 not doing this correctly. And I think in those moments, one of the 178 00:12:33.639 --> 00:12:37.919 things that I'm conscious of is saying like, hey, well, like I, 179 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:39.240 first of all, let me tell you something. You're not the first 180 00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:43.840 one to experience this, Like, uh, my, myself, my team, 181 00:12:43.919 --> 00:12:46.519 I've also experienced this exact same situation, like like we we you know, 182 00:12:46.679 --> 00:12:50.399 I've had teams where we've been caught kind of the same way by making 183 00:12:50.399 --> 00:12:54.720 this mistake or by not knowing the information correctly, or by you know, 184 00:12:54.960 --> 00:12:58.919 implementing a strategy that we thought was this way and it should have been that 185 00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:01.200 way. But like starting with like saying hey, like so first and foremost, 186 00:13:01.240 --> 00:13:05.000 let me let me remove that feeling of like this is just about you, 187 00:13:05.000 --> 00:13:07.519 and then this is something that you're working through. So like, let 188 00:13:07.559 --> 00:13:11.240 me tell you the mistake that we made and how we work through it. 189 00:13:11.480 --> 00:13:15.159 Now, let's take a look at what you're working through and let's figure this 190 00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:18.840 out together. And so like, those moments, I think, especially when 191 00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:22.879 you're leading leaders, are really important for if you're if you're looking to build 192 00:13:24.799 --> 00:13:28.360 kind of the trust. And again I'm not even necessarily talking about like being 193 00:13:28.480 --> 00:13:31.159 authentic, but more about the vulnerability piece, Like, those are the moments 194 00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:35.240 that matter the most when you have a leader or somebody who has made a 195 00:13:35.279 --> 00:13:39.720 mistake or is currently making a mistake, or they're trying to figure something out 196 00:13:41.120 --> 00:13:46.120 and they're looking for guidance or they're looking for clarity on it. Those moments 197 00:13:46.120 --> 00:13:50.200 of sharing with them that we've done it, that I've done it, that 198 00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:54.320 you've like like these moments right now, these matter a lot to say it's 199 00:13:54.360 --> 00:13:56.399 going to be all rights, right, because if I was able to make 200 00:13:56.399 --> 00:14:00.320 the mistake and figure it out and survive it and be at this point, 201 00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:03.240 we're going to work through this too. So for me, those moments of 202 00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:07.000 vulnerability are I think the most important. And then right next to that are 203 00:14:07.039 --> 00:14:11.159 the admitted to mistakes. Yeah, you have to own a mistake that you 204 00:14:11.200 --> 00:14:15.000 make as a leader, and you have to do it publicly, and like 205 00:14:15.200 --> 00:14:18.600 if it's with a team of people, if it's if it's a person privately 206 00:14:18.639 --> 00:14:22.799 obviously, but like you have to own those and own it as you should 207 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:26.120 and apologize if necessary, and then be really conscious to not make the same 208 00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:30.240 mistake again. Yeah, I agree with that. I think there's also an 209 00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:37.240 element of asking for help as opposed to working through something on your own. 210 00:14:37.480 --> 00:14:45.799 There's something about this collaborative effort that strengthens a relationship with somebody that can't be 211 00:14:45.879 --> 00:14:50.240 achieved working through something on your own. I don't mean a problem that you 212 00:14:50.279 --> 00:14:52.200 should be able to get through on your own, and you look weird bringing 213 00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:56.759 it up. But I know people and I've done this myself, where where 214 00:14:56.759 --> 00:15:00.919 there's a problem I'm trying to work through and instead of reaching out or asking 215 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:03.240 for help, I'll work through it on my own and I'll get through it. 216 00:15:03.279 --> 00:15:07.279 I'll figure it out and I'll get through it and it's fine. But 217 00:15:09.000 --> 00:15:16.559 it misses the potential of their being a moment where you can strengthen a relationship 218 00:15:16.559 --> 00:15:20.279 with somebody because of that vulnerability of going to somebody and saying I'm struggling with 219 00:15:20.279 --> 00:15:22.519 this and it can't be once you've figured it out, it can't be. 220 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:24.720 I'm going to figure this out on my own and then go, wait a 221 00:15:24.759 --> 00:15:28.120 minute, I missed an opportunity there. Let me go to somebody and say 222 00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:31.320 that I'm still further back in this process and ask for their help, because 223 00:15:31.679 --> 00:15:37.240 that will not get that will come off as incredibly inauthentic. I mean recognizing 224 00:15:37.240 --> 00:15:41.080 when you're having an issue with something at the beginning and taking a partner in 225 00:15:41.159 --> 00:15:46.879 a peer or or a boss or somebody or even someone who reports to you 226 00:15:46.919 --> 00:15:52.840 directly and saying, hey, I think I remember you going through something like 227 00:15:52.879 --> 00:15:54.720 this recently or in the past. Can we talk about what you did. 228 00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:58.960 I think I'm going through this kind of same thing right now that I think 229 00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:02.840 can go a long way to doing that. But you, again, you 230 00:16:02.919 --> 00:16:06.360 have to recognize it in the moment that it's happening, and then reach out 231 00:16:06.440 --> 00:16:11.799 for that assistance when when you truly need it, or when you when it 232 00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:15.080 can when it can truly benefit you, not after you've after you figured it 233 00:16:15.080 --> 00:16:18.879 out absolutely. And with that it brings us this episode's one minute hack. 234 00:16:18.039 --> 00:16:22.679 But face a few words from our sponsors. All Right, for this episode's 235 00:16:22.720 --> 00:16:26.240 one minute hack, we're gonna try to answer the question from our listener who 236 00:16:26.240 --> 00:16:32.480 reached out to me on LinkedIn. If I was trying to increase the perception 237 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:36.519 of authenticity from people on my team, the very first thing that I would 238 00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:40.840 do is admit to myself that this is about perception. No matter how authentic 239 00:16:40.879 --> 00:16:45.519 I believe I'm being, what they perceive of me matters here because they're the 240 00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:48.080 ones giving the feedback. So the first thing that I would do if I 241 00:16:48.159 --> 00:16:51.879 were you is I would pick two or three people who you trust you, 242 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:56.879 who you think will be honest with you and have no problem giving feedback even 243 00:16:56.919 --> 00:17:00.320 if it is hard to hear sometimes or even if they don't sugar code it. 244 00:17:00.600 --> 00:17:03.759 Pick two or three people, set them down individually, and tell them, 245 00:17:03.880 --> 00:17:07.640 hey, I am working on this. This is something that I want 246 00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:12.920 to change the perception of because I want to be authentic. I try to 247 00:17:12.960 --> 00:17:18.039 be authentic, and I'm getting feedback that some people don't perceive me as being 248 00:17:18.039 --> 00:17:22.119 authentic. I want to change that perception. I would love to know if 249 00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:26.799 you've ever felt that, and what the interaction was that led you to believe 250 00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:27.559 that. I don't want to put you on the spot, but if you 251 00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:30.559 so, if you want to come back to me later and tell me this, 252 00:17:30.680 --> 00:17:33.599 you know, think about it, but I want to know, and 253 00:17:33.880 --> 00:17:37.119 I want to I would love to enlist your help and helping me work on 254 00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:40.960 this with me. So if you if you see interactions either between you and 255 00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:44.920 I or between me and somebody else, and you think that's not authentic or 256 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:48.319 that's you know, this person is not being the real them, I would 257 00:17:48.359 --> 00:17:51.039 love for you to pull me aside and tell me in the moment when it 258 00:17:51.079 --> 00:17:52.759 has happened, so I can, you know, think back to what my 259 00:17:52.799 --> 00:17:56.920 interaction was and what I said and what I did to try to take steps 260 00:17:56.920 --> 00:17:57.920 to make this better. This is something I'm working on. Now. You 261 00:17:59.000 --> 00:18:00.119 have to make it. You have to be real about this, and you 262 00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:03.119 have to actually want to change the perception. If you're going to get very 263 00:18:03.119 --> 00:18:07.240 defensive when people give you this feedback, you're not ready to do this yet. 264 00:18:07.359 --> 00:18:11.160 But if you genuinely want to change that perception, that there's no better 265 00:18:11.160 --> 00:18:14.799 way than taking partners and people you trust right from the beginning and saying this 266 00:18:14.839 --> 00:18:17.920 is something i'm working on, please help me. Yeah, it's a I'm 267 00:18:17.960 --> 00:18:21.200 a big fan of thinking about the reality that we have to deal with the 268 00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:26.720 perception all the time, whether it's an authenticity or vulnerability or approachability or whatever 269 00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:32.160 it might be. And I think that you know what you shared is one 270 00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:33.400 of the best ways to do that, which is be upfront about it. 271 00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:36.720 Let people know, Hey, I'm working on this. This is something that 272 00:18:36.759 --> 00:18:41.480 I'm working on. I need your help. Right I'm hearing and understanding that 273 00:18:42.039 --> 00:18:48.200 people may not be perceiving me as authentic and I feel that I'm showing up 274 00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:51.680 authentic, but I need help in understanding that perception, So like, can 275 00:18:51.720 --> 00:18:53.200 you help me with this or what are your thoughts or are things that I 276 00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:57.519 could do differently, because again, the thing about perception is that it can 277 00:18:57.559 --> 00:19:03.559 be a rest many times it kind of has to be addressed like one by 278 00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:07.680 one, and as you start to show up to be more authentic, or 279 00:19:07.720 --> 00:19:10.400 people can say like, hey, well, when you do it this way, 280 00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:12.680 or when you get into these meetings and when you act like, you 281 00:19:12.720 --> 00:19:18.720 know, we set a goal and that goal is so wildly higher than anything 282 00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:22.359 we've ever achieved, and then you act like, no, this is easy, 283 00:19:22.400 --> 00:19:25.559 we can do this, like we you know, like that feels like 284 00:19:25.559 --> 00:19:27.839 you're being in authentic. It feels like you're not dialed into reality, and 285 00:19:27.880 --> 00:19:33.000 there may either be more explanation needed or milestones to get there. But like 286 00:19:33.319 --> 00:19:37.359 those types of things, like you'll get that information if you go out and 287 00:19:37.440 --> 00:19:42.720 practice and ask those questions and find out what people are thinking or find out 288 00:19:42.759 --> 00:19:47.400 the moments where people feel like, well, that's not really being authentic like 289 00:19:47.519 --> 00:19:49.799 that, that is the best way to go about addressing something like this. 290 00:19:49.960 --> 00:19:53.039 Sure, sure, in your specific example, I've been in rooms of leaders 291 00:19:53.039 --> 00:19:56.839 who have done that, and I can tell, just because of the relationship 292 00:19:56.839 --> 00:19:59.599 I have with them and what I know about them, that what they're doing 293 00:19:59.720 --> 00:20:03.119 is that they don't actually believe that it's as easy as they're saying it's going 294 00:20:03.160 --> 00:20:04.920 to be. They're working through it in their own head and it's the kind 295 00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:08.240 of thing where they're there they think to themselves, well, if if I 296 00:20:08.279 --> 00:20:11.559 go into this thinking I can't do it, then I can't do it. 297 00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:14.799 I need to go into this thinking I can do it and kind of put 298 00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:18.119 that out there and in order to make that happen for myself. Now, 299 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:19.480 if you have to do that for yourself to make it happen, do that. 300 00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:22.279 That's an internal dialogue that you have with yourself. If you say it 301 00:20:22.319 --> 00:20:26.319 outward to the team, the team doesn't know your internal dialogue. They just 302 00:20:26.319 --> 00:20:30.960 know what you're saying, and they're going to take what you're saying verbatim because 303 00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:33.680 that's what that's the only thing they have to go off of, and then 304 00:20:33.720 --> 00:20:36.920 that's when you come off as an authentic So yeah, there are things that 305 00:20:37.240 --> 00:20:38.400 that you will work through in your own head, and there are things that 306 00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:41.640 you say to the team. Know that they will take what you say and 307 00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:45.400 run with it. Like whatever you say, they'll they'll take it to mean 308 00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:48.000 that that's what you actually mean. So so yeah, I work through those 309 00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:52.839 things privately and be able to say to your teams, this isn't going to 310 00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:56.039 be easy, Like I think we can do it. I don't know we 311 00:20:56.079 --> 00:20:59.359 can do it. I think we can do it, but it's not going 312 00:20:59.400 --> 00:21:00.680 to be easy, and I need help to do this. Let's do it. 313 00:21:00.759 --> 00:21:04.480 Let's do it together. There's nothing better than than asking for that assistance, 314 00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:07.880 that help, as opposed to like thinking that you can go this alone. 315 00:21:08.039 --> 00:21:11.759 You can do this alone. That's that's the kind of the epitome of 316 00:21:11.799 --> 00:21:15.680 authenticities, needing other people absolutely, and with that it brings us the end 317 00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:19.400 of this episode. This is hacking your leadership I'm Lorenzo and I'm Chris It. 318 00:21:19.480 --> 00:21:21.519 We'll talk to you all next time.