WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.160 This is pod Popular Podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's 2 00:00:11.160 --> 00:00:17.600 the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:18.039 --> 00:00:22.760 Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great Love Debate, 4 00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:26.760 the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am 5 00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:31.920 back here in the very fine and fancy studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for the 6 00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:35.640 People. I'm sitting on a couch. It's very luxurious. I'm at the 7 00:00:35.640 --> 00:00:41.359 one in Boca Raton, Florida, and I'm gonna I'm gonna read you a 8 00:00:41.439 --> 00:00:47.039 list of a bunch of celebrities, famous people, mostly actors, and you're 9 00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:49.799 gonna guess at home, what are these people have in common? And then 10 00:00:49.799 --> 00:00:51.759 I'm going to tell you what they're have in common and why I want to 11 00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:54.479 bring it up today. Okay, a little bit different today, but little 12 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:57.399 little exercise I want to do. I'm gonna give you this list, and 13 00:00:57.479 --> 00:01:00.280 yes they're all wealthy, but that's not the reason for the list. Are 14 00:01:00.280 --> 00:01:08.680 you ready? Oprah Winfrey, John Cusack, Matt Dillon, Bill Maher, 15 00:01:10.480 --> 00:01:15.719 Al Pacino, Charlie's Thorn, Sheryl Crow, Owen Wilson, Keanu Reeves, 16 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:23.519 Matthew Perry, Marissa Tomay, Diane Keaton, Brian Christopher Howie. So I 17 00:01:23.519 --> 00:01:27.680 threw myself on that list, and so just off the top of my head, 18 00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:34.480 there there are one, two, three, four, four Oscar winners 19 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:38.719 on that list. But that's not what they have in common. That's that 20 00:01:38.840 --> 00:01:42.799 is a list of people who are over forty years old and have never been 21 00:01:42.840 --> 00:01:48.200 married, and they range in age from the youngest on that list is probably 22 00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:53.599 Charlie's and the oldest on that list is probably that is al Pacino eighty three, 23 00:01:53.640 --> 00:01:56.519 and everyone in between. These are people that have not been married. 24 00:01:56.640 --> 00:01:59.400 And I throw myself in there because I'm one of those people. And why 25 00:01:59.439 --> 00:02:02.280 do I bring that up? I bring that up because I get asked that 26 00:02:02.359 --> 00:02:07.120 question all the time. How can you do a show about love, dating 27 00:02:07.159 --> 00:02:10.919 relationships when you've never been married? And I have a couple of answers to 28 00:02:10.960 --> 00:02:15.680 that. First of all, this is not a advice show. This is 29 00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:17.680 an opinion show. It's a discussion show. I'm not out here, I'm 30 00:02:17.680 --> 00:02:22.599 not coaching anybody. I'm giving you a sort of the consensus based on the 31 00:02:22.639 --> 00:02:28.120 fact that we visit and hear literally millions of people over the last ten years 32 00:02:28.360 --> 00:02:30.639 on this show and are trying to give you at least a little bit of 33 00:02:30.680 --> 00:02:35.000 a roadmap to that. Now, where does this roadmap hope to lead? 34 00:02:35.560 --> 00:02:38.919 I believe to marriage or at least a long term relationship, which I haven't 35 00:02:39.000 --> 00:02:45.719 always had lots of those, but most of these people on this list, 36 00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:47.280 And so people say to me, like, how can you never been married? 37 00:02:47.319 --> 00:02:50.800 Well, you know, you don't have to be a even for those 38 00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:53.840 who do coach and have never been married who are dating relationship coaches. You 39 00:02:53.840 --> 00:02:59.879 know, Bill Belichick never played professional football doesn't mean he can't coach Tom Brady 40 00:03:00.680 --> 00:03:06.039 and cancer and on colleges doesn't have to have cancer and in order to be 41 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:12.159 able to treat it, you know. That being said, I believe that 42 00:03:12.280 --> 00:03:15.840 if you have gotten to the age of forty years old and you have never 43 00:03:15.879 --> 00:03:20.520 been married, you had better be prepared to give an answer on that question 44 00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:24.840 beyond I was too busy, or I hadn't met the right person yet, 45 00:03:24.919 --> 00:03:28.400 or any of that, because all of those answers are bullshit, and there 46 00:03:28.479 --> 00:03:31.479 is a real reason why you haven't gotten married, including me, And it's 47 00:03:31.520 --> 00:03:36.560 not necessarily a positive thing. If I met somebody over forty to date and 48 00:03:36.599 --> 00:03:38.680 she had never been married. It would absolutely be a red flag to me. 49 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:43.280 I would want to know why. I would want to know the answer 50 00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:46.400 of why they have never been married. And so I'm not here to just 51 00:03:46.439 --> 00:03:49.039 initially talk about marriage is better or worse whatever, I'm going to get into 52 00:03:49.080 --> 00:03:51.719 a lot of that. I would just want to talk about a lot of 53 00:03:51.759 --> 00:03:55.000 these people why they give their answers as to why they've never been married. 54 00:03:55.000 --> 00:03:58.719 And some are good and some are you know, I think cop outs, 55 00:03:58.840 --> 00:04:00.759 and I want to talk about me and my reason and some of the things 56 00:04:00.759 --> 00:04:05.120 that I believe and I do believe in marriage. And as I've said many 57 00:04:05.120 --> 00:04:11.439 many times on this podcast, the reason why a lot of marriages break down, 58 00:04:11.800 --> 00:04:15.800 I guess is because pretty quickly, I think too many marriages go from 59 00:04:15.960 --> 00:04:18.959 husband wife to mom and dad, and mom and dad is a whole different 60 00:04:19.079 --> 00:04:24.480 dynamic. Then you know, let's date and let's fall in love, and 61 00:04:24.680 --> 00:04:28.079 there's a lot less romantic elements about it, you know, when you take 62 00:04:28.079 --> 00:04:31.399 away the family. That being said, I research some of these people to 63 00:04:31.439 --> 00:04:35.439 see what their answers are as to why they didn't get married or why they 64 00:04:35.480 --> 00:04:39.040 have not gotten married, and some of them are a little snarky, and 65 00:04:39.079 --> 00:04:41.040 some of them are cop outs. Like I said, so I'm gonna read 66 00:04:41.079 --> 00:04:45.519 you a few of them. So John Cusack, who's not nearly as famous 67 00:04:45.560 --> 00:04:48.800 as he used to be, but he was famous for a while, and 68 00:04:48.800 --> 00:04:53.800 his father went to my college. By the way, somebody asked him, 69 00:04:53.800 --> 00:04:57.399 could you describe why you have not gotten married in five words or less? 70 00:04:57.720 --> 00:05:01.519 And Cusick said no, but I can do it in seven. Society doesn't 71 00:05:01.560 --> 00:05:05.439 tell me what to do, you know, that's his answer. But that's 72 00:05:05.480 --> 00:05:10.959 not really a reason, like you should not not get married just because you're 73 00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:14.720 sort of this rebel against society. You know, there's a lot of reasons 74 00:05:14.720 --> 00:05:15.959 to get married. There's a lot of reasons not to get married. I 75 00:05:15.959 --> 00:05:18.360 don't think because you're like, I don't need a piece of paper to tell 76 00:05:18.399 --> 00:05:20.879 me to fall in love. I think that's a cop out. And I 77 00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:27.560 think you need to have a better reason than that. Bill Maher, who's 78 00:05:27.560 --> 00:05:30.959 a krusty fucker if you've ever met him, But he says, I mean, 79 00:05:31.040 --> 00:05:34.399 is anyone really that interesting that that they would be the person you want 80 00:05:34.439 --> 00:05:38.600 to spend this much time with for the rest of your life. And I 81 00:05:38.639 --> 00:05:44.319 think The answer to that is hopefully marriage or not. If you find the 82 00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:47.360 right person, hopefully you will want to spend as much time with them forever 83 00:05:47.399 --> 00:05:51.000 and ever and ever, and everybody else pails in comparison, So I think 84 00:05:51.000 --> 00:06:00.199 he's wrong than that. Charlie's says marriage that's never been something that's important to 85 00:06:00.279 --> 00:06:03.959 me. Well, that's a little bit of a dismissive thing too, because 86 00:06:03.959 --> 00:06:08.680 it doesn't mean just because something wasn't always important to you, doesn't mean that 87 00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:11.519 it couldn't be important to you, and doesn't mean that it wouldn't be important 88 00:06:11.519 --> 00:06:15.040 to your partner or your relationship or anything else. So I'm not particularly fond 89 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:18.920 of her answer either. Diane Keaton, who is darling. If you ever 90 00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:23.319 run across Diane Keaton, stop her and talk to her for fifteen minutes, 91 00:06:23.319 --> 00:06:29.040 because she is a delight and she's probably close to eighty. And she dated 92 00:06:29.879 --> 00:06:33.279 al Pacino, I guess back in the day after The Godfather in real life, 93 00:06:33.519 --> 00:06:35.199 and he's never been married either, so I don't know if that's some 94 00:06:35.279 --> 00:06:40.319 kind of pack they made. But she says, I just don't think it 95 00:06:40.360 --> 00:06:43.879 would have been a good idea for me to have been married, and to 96 00:06:44.120 --> 00:06:47.519 me that takes a certain degree of ownership, because I think she says that 97 00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:50.879 that maybe she has some elements that she has not dealt with, where she 98 00:06:51.000 --> 00:06:58.720 may be either trapped or unable to sort of fulfill the commitment of marriage. 99 00:06:58.759 --> 00:07:01.560 Maybe she would feel like he was somehow put in a situation where he just 100 00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:04.160 so. I think that this is sort of an unresolved issue with her and 101 00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:08.519 the people that she's dated, lots of famous people. Maybe she put that 102 00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:12.759 out to them that I'm a really good girlfriend, not such a great possible 103 00:07:12.759 --> 00:07:16.920 wife. Ava Mendez gave an answer, and she is very famously and I 104 00:07:16.920 --> 00:07:20.639 think very committed to Ryan Gosling, who also has never been married. But 105 00:07:20.639 --> 00:07:25.519 I don't think he's quite old enough to make this list. But Ava Mendez 106 00:07:25.560 --> 00:07:30.279 said, I actually think it's really sexy to be with someone in their fifties 107 00:07:30.360 --> 00:07:34.680 or sixties and be like, that's my boyfriend. I think husband and wife 108 00:07:34.720 --> 00:07:41.079 are very unsexy words. Now I think that is getting somewhere. I think 109 00:07:41.160 --> 00:07:45.319 that's getting to a place where it's like, the reason I'm not married is 110 00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:49.720 because I want something even more fun and deeper. And I'm not saying marriage 111 00:07:49.720 --> 00:07:53.720 doesn't necessarily doesn't necessarily mean that people get married for a whole lot of different 112 00:07:53.720 --> 00:07:56.519 reasons that have nothing to do with the romance. And I'm in the romance 113 00:07:56.560 --> 00:08:03.519 business. So she said that Shakira, who has not been married, she 114 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:07.600 said, to tell you the truth, marriage scares the shit out of me. 115 00:08:07.959 --> 00:08:09.759 I don't want him to see me as the wife. I'd rather him 116 00:08:09.759 --> 00:08:15.000 see me as his girlfriend. And that's another one, just like Ava Mendez 117 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:18.519 says, there is something when you are happy at least that is so much 118 00:08:18.600 --> 00:08:24.800 better about boyfriend and girlfriend than husband and wife I believe will ever be for 119 00:08:24.839 --> 00:08:28.519 the most part, and again saying this is somebody's never been married. Maybe 120 00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:33.399 it's awesome, but I think the spark and the romance, it's just not 121 00:08:33.519 --> 00:08:35.759 there. So I'll get back to that one in a second. The last 122 00:08:35.759 --> 00:08:46.759 one is Edie Falco, who was Carmelo soprano, and she said, I'm 123 00:08:46.799 --> 00:08:50.279 not married because I tend to get a lot of eye rolling conversations with people 124 00:08:50.320 --> 00:08:54.879 about their marriages. Why would I want to head there? Very true, 125 00:08:56.080 --> 00:08:58.000 I've made that comment. I've made that joke myself at a time or two 126 00:08:58.039 --> 00:09:03.639 in the past where by the time I even considered it in my late thirties, 127 00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:05.840 everybody I know was coming back out of the club, so to speak. 128 00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:09.559 Everybody else was getting divorced. Nobody seemed to tell me that it was 129 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:15.960 better. Very rarely did I hear that people were happier husband and wife than 130 00:09:16.039 --> 00:09:22.039 they ever were boyfriend and girlfriend. And when people get married, I always 131 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:26.200 ask them when somebody proposes, why did you decide to get married? Why 132 00:09:26.200 --> 00:09:28.559 I decided to take that step? Why did you know this? And the 133 00:09:28.639 --> 00:09:31.960 answers I always get are never the most romantic answers. They always circle in 134 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:37.080 this area of well, it was time to settle down, or we've been 135 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:39.720 dating for three years, I wanted to be committed, or we wanted to 136 00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:43.320 have kids or anything. But the are you kidding me? She is the 137 00:09:43.360 --> 00:09:46.679 love of my life, and of course I want to spend the rest of 138 00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:50.879 my life with her. I want to hear that I do. That being 139 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:54.639 said, I'm going to get into some of what I believe is the prose 140 00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:58.120 of at least the commitment. I'm going to talk about what it means to 141 00:09:58.200 --> 00:10:01.840 not be married, why I had to take a quick break. Not that 142 00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:03.600 I have to pay for a wedding around here, but I can pay for 143 00:10:03.679 --> 00:10:05.879 a lot of other things. We are talking about marriage. We are calling 144 00:10:05.919 --> 00:10:11.960 this episode the marriage Trap question mark exclamation point. Not sure we will be 145 00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:18.639 back right after this, And we are back. And I like to talk 146 00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:22.799 about politics a lot. And somebody asked me, would you ever run for 147 00:10:22.919 --> 00:10:28.159 office? And I said that I don't believe that I could win. And 148 00:10:28.200 --> 00:10:31.519 they asked me why, and I said, I have two things that America 149 00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:37.120 will not vote for. One, I am agnostic doesn't mean I'm an atheist. 150 00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:39.320 It means I'm agnostic, which I think we all are at our core. 151 00:10:39.399 --> 00:10:43.519 Agnostic means I don't know. I don't really know. Could be maybe 152 00:10:45.200 --> 00:10:48.240 people are not comfortable with that answer. They want in God, we trust, 153 00:10:48.279 --> 00:10:52.360 on the money. They want put your right hand on the Bible and 154 00:10:52.360 --> 00:10:54.879 swear to God. They want all of that. People are not prepared to 155 00:10:54.960 --> 00:11:03.320 deal with somebody who does not embrace some faith of that. And I'm not 156 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:05.000 an atheist by any means. I'm like, I don't know, but they're 157 00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:07.720 not prepared to deal with agnostic. The other thing they are not prepared to 158 00:11:07.720 --> 00:11:11.919 deal with is bachelor president. And I don't care how long or how committed 159 00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:15.159 you are to your girlfriend, there has not been a There's only been two 160 00:11:15.480 --> 00:11:18.440 in history, and there has not been one in I think one hundred and 161 00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:24.480 fifty years. I forget who was Tyler Harrison one of those nondescript ones. 162 00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:28.919 There's not been a bachelor president in a long long time. America does not 163 00:11:30.080 --> 00:11:33.240 like that. They think it is not stable. They would rather have somebody 164 00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:39.519 with five divorces than never been married. And a lot of you out there 165 00:11:39.519 --> 00:11:43.080 in the dating pool would rather have somebody with five divorces than somebody who's never 166 00:11:43.120 --> 00:11:46.919 got married, because you guys always tell me, at least your means, 167 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:50.799 it means you're capable of commitment, at least you're willing to take that plunge. 168 00:11:50.919 --> 00:11:54.600 At least you're willing to get on the knee, and says I want 169 00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:58.320 to do this, And I don't know if that really is true, just 170 00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:00.960 because somebody gets married. A lot of people, like I said, get 171 00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:03.360 married for a lot of reasons. A lot of people get married assuming it's 172 00:12:03.399 --> 00:12:05.159 not going to last forever. And a lot of people, especially men, 173 00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:09.480 the ones who get up there four or five, six, seven marriages. 174 00:12:09.320 --> 00:12:15.480 Shout out to the late Larry King, I think you're getting married after you've 175 00:12:15.480 --> 00:12:18.519 got divorced so many times, and you do have the means to survive divorce. 176 00:12:18.559 --> 00:12:22.799 Many times. I think you're trying to lock her down. I think 177 00:12:22.840 --> 00:12:26.399 you're not trying to make sure she's with you. I think a lot of 178 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:30.240 these guys are proposing so she doesn't go with somebody else. And I think 179 00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:33.399 that's what a lot of the serial marriers are. And I don't think that's 180 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:37.240 necessarily a better thing. And so a lot of the especially the women and 181 00:12:37.279 --> 00:12:39.840 the people, come to our show and they put their hands up and they 182 00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:43.120 say, I wouldn't necessarily trust somebody who is a bachelor in their forties, 183 00:12:43.159 --> 00:12:46.240 fifties, sixties, because that generally means one of three things, none of 184 00:12:46.279 --> 00:12:50.120 them good. And I agree with this. To the women, it means 185 00:12:50.200 --> 00:12:56.720 you're gay, possibly closeted, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing. 186 00:12:56.759 --> 00:12:58.879 I'm saying it's a bad thing for a woman looking for her husband. Two, 187 00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:03.360 it means you're an absolute player and you don't want to just pick one 188 00:13:03.360 --> 00:13:09.679 woman or three. You are emotionally unavailable, mommy issues blah blah blah blah 189 00:13:09.720 --> 00:13:13.679 blah, and so you haven't probably processed it. You can probably put me 190 00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:18.039 in category two and three for a long long time, and I think two 191 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:22.679 leads to three. I think you could say that I was on emotionally unavailable 192 00:13:22.720 --> 00:13:26.639 for most of my adult life because, as I've said a lot of times 193 00:13:26.639 --> 00:13:31.639 on this podcast, my parents were married a long long time, fifty plus 194 00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:35.919 years. I'm not sure they even liked each other, and so that was 195 00:13:35.919 --> 00:13:39.279 not a good example for me. And because I did not trust the love 196 00:13:39.399 --> 00:13:43.200 quote unquote that they had for each other, I'm not sure I could trust 197 00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:45.360 the love they had for me, And then I'm not sure I trusted the 198 00:13:45.399 --> 00:13:48.440 concept. So I existed most of my adult life in sort of this emotionally 199 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:54.039 walled off middle bandwidth, not too high, not too low. I had 200 00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:56.639 a lot of long, long term relationships where I would put enough chips on 201 00:13:56.679 --> 00:14:00.399 the table to stay in the game, but not enough to go all in. 202 00:14:01.480 --> 00:14:05.759 I have, I think processed that I have dealt with that. I 203 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:07.559 own that if somebody says, why haven't I got married, I put it 204 00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:11.440 entirely on me and the work I needed to do and the conversation I needed 205 00:14:11.480 --> 00:14:15.679 to have with seven year old Brian and the therapist I needed to see, 206 00:14:15.679 --> 00:14:16.879 and all that kind of stuff, and I don't think until I got to 207 00:14:16.919 --> 00:14:22.679 my mid forties was I sort of emotionally competent enough to say I want to 208 00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:28.000 go all in. But part of me has always liked that concept. Secretly, 209 00:14:28.039 --> 00:14:33.039 I've been sort of working on this proposal for like twenty years. I 210 00:14:33.080 --> 00:14:35.080 spent like ten minutes a day on it, like somebody who works on a 211 00:14:35.080 --> 00:14:39.080 puzzle. A little bit. I think I could do it better. I 212 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:41.559 think I could make it more meaningful. I think she would tell her friends 213 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:45.600 and make her friends feel terrible, but that their husband just sort of lit 214 00:14:45.639 --> 00:14:48.440 it up on a scoreboard. And so there's a part of me that really 215 00:14:48.480 --> 00:14:54.600 believes in that that I want there to be a level beyond boyfriend girlfriend. 216 00:14:56.519 --> 00:14:58.039 And you've heard me do podcasts about this before, where I'm like, the 217 00:14:58.080 --> 00:15:01.240 best compliment I I can say is to just look at the person I'm with 218 00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:05.679 and say, that's the girl, and I know what that means, and 219 00:15:05.720 --> 00:15:09.279 she knows what that means. And I've done a whole episode on that. 220 00:15:09.960 --> 00:15:13.679 But you know, to outsiders, they want to be able to define your 221 00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:18.159 relationship and make it seem like he is different from all the boyfriends, she 222 00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:20.519 is different from all the girlfriends. These long term couples that we know are 223 00:15:20.519 --> 00:15:26.240 happy together, you know, the Goldie Hawns and Kurt Russell's and people like 224 00:15:26.279 --> 00:15:28.519 that who've been together twenty thirty years, and we kind of know. And 225 00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:31.279 the question they always ask is like, why didn't you guys get married? 226 00:15:31.399 --> 00:15:35.480 I read, I think Ricky Gervais is with his girlfriend for like thirty years. 227 00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:37.919 How can you never get married? Yeah, I think that marriage probably 228 00:15:37.960 --> 00:15:43.080 wouldn't bring any more to the table. I do believe there's value to the 229 00:15:43.159 --> 00:15:46.480 kids if mom and dad are married, even though it takes the romance out 230 00:15:46.519 --> 00:15:50.320 of it. I think it's good to have probably the same last name, 231 00:15:50.360 --> 00:15:52.480 and it feels like a family. And I see the pluses in all of 232 00:15:52.519 --> 00:15:58.960 that. And I do believe in and want and the one guy, one 233 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:03.639 girl happily. Ever after, let's do fifty years. And people have joked 234 00:16:03.639 --> 00:16:04.559 to me, well, now you waited so long, you probably don't have 235 00:16:04.600 --> 00:16:07.960 to do fifty years. So you shorten the you shorten the term, you 236 00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:12.559 shorten the sentence to like thirty four years. Maybe, But I'm also not 237 00:16:12.639 --> 00:16:15.960 jaded on the idea of marriage. Lots of people who get into their forties 238 00:16:15.960 --> 00:16:19.240 fifty sixties, almost all of them are divorced. If they're still single, 239 00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:22.840 the dating pool is filled with mostly divorced people. And for those people, 240 00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:27.879 they have lost the hope and the faith and the dream of till death to 241 00:16:27.960 --> 00:16:32.320 us part happily ever after because they tried it and they don't have it. 242 00:16:33.399 --> 00:16:36.600 So I believe, you know, Oprah, whatever her you know, personal 243 00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:41.960 situation is. And she gets criticized and questioned all the time about her relationship 244 00:16:41.000 --> 00:16:45.159 with Stedman and her relationship with Gail, and her relationship with everything. And 245 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:52.840 you know, she had a traumatic childhood. She's also a conglomerate, which 246 00:16:52.039 --> 00:16:55.639 involves a lot of lawyers and stuff. If you want to get married, 247 00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:57.840 it's a little more complicated. I don't think she's not capable of love. 248 00:16:59.039 --> 00:17:00.519 I don't think it's something she'd doesn't want. I don't think any of these 249 00:17:00.559 --> 00:17:04.319 things. You know, Marisa Tomay, she's on this list. I went 250 00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:10.920 out one night with Marisa tome that's your marriage is for her either. I'll 251 00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:14.000 just leave it at that. But it's for me and for a lot of 252 00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:19.480 people who come to our shows, men so called bachelor's for forty forties and 253 00:17:19.480 --> 00:17:23.359 fifties. I think in a lot of ways that it's capable of breaking the 254 00:17:23.400 --> 00:17:30.799 bachelor. I believe the right woman, girl, situation, relationship timing can 255 00:17:30.839 --> 00:17:36.559 make him do exactly what he would have done that you dreamed about when he 256 00:17:36.599 --> 00:17:38.839 was twenty four. We bring up Warren Beatty a lot on this podcast, 257 00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:44.319 who was probably the most famous bachelor in the I don't know, sixties, 258 00:17:44.359 --> 00:17:48.119 seventies, eighties. He probably had a thirty year run as the lothario of 259 00:17:48.119 --> 00:17:51.480 Hollywood. He's now been married to an at Benning, like thirty two years, 260 00:17:51.759 --> 00:17:55.920 like a long long time. He waited and waited and waited and got 261 00:17:55.960 --> 00:17:59.880 married and it worked for him. He waited till I think he was ready 262 00:17:59.880 --> 00:18:03.240 to to not just meet the right person, but to let that person be 263 00:18:03.400 --> 00:18:07.519 that person in his world, in his presence, in his universe. I 264 00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:11.519 think a lot of men are doing the work and do want to make it 265 00:18:11.599 --> 00:18:15.799 work. And the guy who's single at forty eight or fifty two or sixty 266 00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:18.480 two and he's never been married, I don't think he's out there chasing around 267 00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:22.960 some twenty six year old because he's never dated somebody young, or he's never 268 00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:25.480 dated an Asian girl, or he's never had this or that or whatever, 269 00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:30.599 because he's married for fifteen years. I think the so called lifelong, uncommitted 270 00:18:30.640 --> 00:18:37.240 bachelor's I think there is capable of love and lasting a relationship as anybody, 271 00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:40.759 you know. I know, people always look at George Clooney like, has 272 00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:42.720 he ever settled down? That was a bit of the myth that he was 273 00:18:42.720 --> 00:18:48.920 putting out there. He was married in his twenties to an actress, so 274 00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:52.480 he was married for a while. He liked the People magazine covers that he 275 00:18:52.559 --> 00:18:56.039 was the sort of you know, perpetual bachelor, But that wasn't really the 276 00:18:56.039 --> 00:18:59.079 case. He was a married guy, and I think his wife, who 277 00:18:59.079 --> 00:19:02.000 he married, now knew that people were always like, oh, he waited 278 00:19:02.000 --> 00:19:04.519 to find this intelligent woman. No he didn't. I'm not saying his first 279 00:19:04.519 --> 00:19:07.240 wife wasn't. I'm just saying he didn't wait like anybody else. He was 280 00:19:07.240 --> 00:19:11.880 just a regular divorced guy out in the pool. But I think when people 281 00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:15.920 make these snippy comments about marriage or like I don't need a piece of paper 282 00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:19.880 to tell me or whatever, I don't necessarily agree with that. Like, 283 00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:26.400 I think there is something to the ceremony and the rings and standing up in 284 00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:30.400 front of whoever your friends or your family or God or society and saying I 285 00:19:30.440 --> 00:19:37.400 am committed to this person in a very definable and public fashion. I think 286 00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:41.559 that has merit. I like that you can give me all that that's easy 287 00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:44.440 for you to say you don't do that doesn't mean I don't believe in it, 288 00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:48.599 And I don't know if it means you have to actually go through go 289 00:19:48.640 --> 00:19:52.640 down to city hall and get the paperwork and whatever it takes, blood tests 290 00:19:52.640 --> 00:19:56.599 and licenses and all that. You know, you guys could stand on a 291 00:19:56.640 --> 00:20:00.359 bluff in Ireland and say the vows to each other and believe what it is 292 00:20:00.400 --> 00:20:03.839 you believe, and call each other a husband and wife and let the world 293 00:20:03.880 --> 00:20:07.000 know that this is the person for me, and that's the guy, and 294 00:20:07.039 --> 00:20:11.720 this is the girl. And that's what I think. And so I don't 295 00:20:11.720 --> 00:20:14.000 I don't know. I put myself on that list at the beginning, but 296 00:20:14.039 --> 00:20:18.759 a lot of them are sort of anti and bitter and angry or jaded about 297 00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:21.680 the concept of it. I am not one of those people, which is 298 00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:26.960 probably why I do this show. I believe in the me and you two 299 00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:33.400 of us loving monogamous sharing growing. There's nobody in the world I would rather 300 00:20:33.640 --> 00:20:37.880 be doing this with than you and so whatever that looks like, however you 301 00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:41.119 have to phrase that, however, you have to to seek that. I'm 302 00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:45.039 all in I'm in favor of it, I believe in it. So put 303 00:20:45.039 --> 00:20:47.319 me on this list, take me off this list. But if you ask 304 00:20:47.440 --> 00:20:52.240 me why I haven't been married yet, just put the put the focus on 305 00:20:52.359 --> 00:20:59.160 yet and not on never. All right, shoot me an email. Great 306 00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:03.000 Love Debate ad gamail dot com. All you perpetual bachelors and bachelrettes out there, 307 00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:06.440 I want to hear your thoughts on it. Go to Great Lovedebate dot 308 00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:11.920 com. We have some shows, live shows coming up. I'm picking and 309 00:21:11.960 --> 00:21:14.279 choosing which ones I want to do. But I'm sure somebody at the show 310 00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:17.240 will raise their hand and say, why are we talking to you you've never 311 00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:18.480 been married, and I will have an answer for it. I'll say, 312 00:21:18.519 --> 00:21:22.200 listen to this episode. But most importantly, like, share, follow, 313 00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:27.440 please review this podcast. Reviews will always mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. 314 00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:32.960 Happily ever after, because, as always at the Great Love Debate, 315 00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:41.759 we never stopped making love. See you next time the Great Love Debate. 316 00:21:41.640 --> 00:21:48.279 It's the Great Love Debate. Great Love Debate. It's a great love debate.