The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are supported by his extensive experience as a family
therapist and in the previous analysis of the cases presented here. We start when
it comes to education. It is important to understand that you cannot educate without
investing time and immediately. I know you' re gonna tell me I work
all day. My partner and I work all day. Yeah, and it
' s certainly not that you have to stop doing it to educate. But
it' s very important to understand that when we' re generating habits and
when we' re educating whoever you give your kids, who keep their heads
up while obviously they' re not in school, they just have to watch
that your child doesn' t expose himself, have any risk that endangers him.
They also have to educate, and this means that if I tell him
I picked up something, I can' t give myself the order and turn
around and assume he' s going to do it. I have to pay
attention to giving the order, to see if he is doing what I asked
him to do and if not, immediately get up and say I told you
to do such a thing and do it and make sure he does it.
And that time doesn' t matter if it' s the guy, the
granny, the person who helps us, who works with us at home,
no matter who needs to spend time. No one follows an order just because
we gave it to him. If we have not generated the habit of obedience,
notice that when it comes to educating manners. Please, thank you,
excuse me. All that approach goes a lot along the lines of repetition so
that your children learn how to do it and from a very small point of
view. There' s no small age where your child can' t learn
it, doing at least the intention to do it and do that. To
thank, to ask please to say with permission all this, which is such
an important part of our culture and our manners, makes the children learn,
because we are repeating them and making them do it, but above all because
of the modeling that you give them. They hear you ask please, they
hear you say thank you, they hear you say with permission or simple and
just act like that, and that modeling base is a very important part for
the beginning of education. Don' t let it go. Chayo I write
because I feel a little confused. I have a 16- year- old
teenager who' s in high school. A few months ago he had a
girlfriend and just last night he tells me he' s dating a guy.
He took me by surprise. I greatly appreciate the confidence you have in me.
The detail is that your dad and his whole family are extremely homophobic and
I' m concerned about the reaction they might have toward my son. I
didn' t give it to her anymore I didn' t ask her if
she' d tell her dad. Or we don' t live with their
dad and the relationship between them is not very good, because they collide a
lot. So I' m worried about what might happen Look. No doubt
about it. These times are times when the kids who can go through these
situations that somehow make them change in relation to where their sexual orientation is directed
and all the openness that there is today makes that, unlike before, people
kept quiet, said nothing and lived it with a terrible terror, today they
can express much more clearly. I don' t know if your child is
bisexual or not, or this is just part of a temporary circumstance where he
' s trying to clarify what' s going on with him and his ideas
and his sexual orientation. The truth is, we don' t know where
he' s going. And the point is that, beyond how others react,
it is very important that you be very clear in telling him how much
you want him, the support he will always have from you and that the
orientation you can give him goes along the same lines as how he would have
to be prudent, careful and go slowly if he is managed in a heterosexual
relationship that in a homosexual relationship and that they take clear consideration how, when
and in what way private life is made public. But not because of the
issue of possible homosexuality or bisexuality, but because, in general terms, we
don' t have to be bragging about everything that happens with us, when
we' re just treating a person, dating a person, seeing whether or
not we care about that person and how far. And that we would always
have to handle, both in heterosexual relationships and in relationships they break you with
the expectation we had. Note that one of the issues that is very supportive
of teen parents is the fact that children, when they ask for permission or
want to do something they say very often is that they leave everyone less to
me is that everyone has that new cell phone and I am the only one
that I don' t have and can use these arguments in many circumstances and
something has to be taken into consideration. Normal and common are not synonymous.
Normal is what corresponds to a development standard that tells us what kids are ready
for, depending on how old they are. The common thing is what tends
to happen and not always. The common and the normal are the same In
many occasions and more today, when it comes to adolescence, the common is
not normal. Permissions to consume alcohol before the appropriate age, release cell phone
to children and adolescents in an absolute way. Do not monitor your cell phone
when you are growing. Everything that' s so common isn' t normal.
Why, in general, women can become afraid to be alone, when
you really shouldn' t be afraid to be alone, but you should be
afraid to be in a bad relationship, because the bad relationship affects your self
- esteem, your mental health, your happiness. On the other hand,
being alone can undoubtedly generate a desire for accompaniment, to have someone to share
with. But that doesn' t diminish. Don' t be afraid of
you as a person. So lose her more fear of being alone, but
I never lose her fear of being in a bad relationship. You have to
learn how to take care of yourself. I wish you could give us a
reflection on forgiveness or how to forgive to let go of all that It'
s a brother, older brother relationship, and I' m the smallest and
I' m the most damaged. I idealized it and dropped the idealized one
and passed away. My mother was his consent. I was a primary caregiver.
I was fine with her She' s weird. I know it'
s a duel, but I' m mad at my older brother. That
' s tough. How hard it is when we live in circumstances of this
nature, because as if it wasn' t enough, not the loss of
your mommy looks. I' d tell you a few things here. First
you have to give yourself time. There is no need to be in a
hurry to reconcile, although ideally it would be a purpose to achieve. We
don' t have to be in a hurry because we have to give our
processes space. That first, second, you learned at a very complex moment,
a very hard life lesson. No one is ever equal to the idealization
in which no one, absolutely no one, puts us, because it does
not exist. To just idealize is to put the person too high or too
far out of place for a lot of things that one projects of wanting to
believe in someone, to want to think that perfection, to call it somehow,
exists, that the goodness carried to the extreme exists, that the values
that we are seeing that person exist in maximum space or in maximum possibility.
And that' s not really possible. It' s not possible. We
' re all human. Therefore, we are all wrong. Let' s
go the pain of the possible loss of a loved one in very different ways.
I don' t know specifically what happened to your brother, but the
truth is, if you' re ever ready to talk to him or write
him how you feel, don' t offend him, don' t attack
him, don' t assault him, talk about how you feel about what
happened. Speaking in the first person always facilitates, in addition to giving rise
to an assertive and appropriate communication that, added to the pain of having lost
your mother and having been a primary caregiver, who always end up very worn
out, very complex the process, because they were giving and leaving a lot
of their life side for being there and sometimes they do not receive the recognition
that should be received. And along the way we begin to present situations that
only serve as distractions so as not to deal with pain in a clear,
frank and punctual way. Forgiveness doesn' t mean forgetting. Forgiveness means adjusting
and reaccommodating ourselves in front of whom we find to be the person. Now
look, because there is always a passage of pendulum, that is, from
this idealized becomes the worst person on the planet. It' s not either.
Okay, then give yourself time, get in time, dedicate yourself to
your duel and try to be as good as possible. What do you have
associated with loneliness, men and women. Eh has a bad reputation for loneliness
And yet, loneliness is going to live in a very different way, depending
on how good company you are for yourself or yourself because life is not about
always being a couple, or always being with friends, or always being accompanied.
But it' s never about being alone either. The problem is that
we do a lot of nonsense to run away from happiness and if you'
re one of those who have bad associations with loneliness, we' re going
to end up getting into a lot of trouble. So ask yourself, because
it' s an important and serious question. Well, it' s time
to say goodbye. I' d just add as a tip that when a
son asks you something uncomfortable and you don' t know how to answer,
tell him as he looks, I don' t know how to answer that.
I need to see what it is that I explain to you, give
me a while, but do take it and do answer it. Don'
t avoid the question. With this we arrive at the end of the program
We hear tomorrow at the point of one o' clock in the afternoon,
in more than Chayo with you I am lea, I seek until then. Audio Centre