WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.439 --> 00:00:07.679 Welcome to Second Listen Saturday on the Parenting Roundabout podcast, where we share some 2 00:00:07.719 --> 00:00:12.119 fun moments from a past episode for your weekend listening pleasure. Look for new 3 00:00:12.160 --> 00:00:19.120 episodes every Monday through Friday. Today, we are talking about weddings, what 4 00:00:19.359 --> 00:00:24.160 they're like these days now that maybe even our friends kids are starting to get 5 00:00:24.160 --> 00:00:28.719 married, like Nicole I know, has had one of those, and whether 6 00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:34.640 our kids actually get to go harry. Your kids have been deprived of her. 7 00:00:34.920 --> 00:00:39.159 Yeah, they have never been to a wedding yet because here in New 8 00:00:39.240 --> 00:00:45.920 Jersey, weddings are very expensive and within at least within the Italian family structure, 9 00:00:46.079 --> 00:00:49.560 if you invite one person at a particular level, you have to invite 10 00:00:49.600 --> 00:00:52.880 every person. So even if they wanted to invite my kids, they would 11 00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:56.640 then need to invite everybody on that layer, which would be you know, 12 00:00:58.280 --> 00:01:02.759 all the third cousins. Yes, however you're not however you number that, 13 00:01:03.359 --> 00:01:07.040 and you know, my kids aren't really close with you know, they're they're 14 00:01:07.079 --> 00:01:08.480 close with their first cousins, but other than that, not so much. 15 00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:14.239 There's you know, there's not really been an opportunity and I don't think we've 16 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:19.400 really had any any friends that have had that that have gotten married. So 17 00:01:21.200 --> 00:01:25.599 um, yeah, so they're still They've gone to an engagement party or two, 18 00:01:26.879 --> 00:01:32.400 but no showers, no weddings, And that's just fine because you know, 19 00:01:32.439 --> 00:01:36.719 if they went, we would have to factor in their meal in the 20 00:01:36.799 --> 00:01:41.040 amount of money we get. Yes, I think you are supposed to. 21 00:01:41.400 --> 00:01:45.280 It's good etiquette to try to at least cover the cost of your plate in 22 00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:49.319 your gifts to the bride and groom. And as I may have just said 23 00:01:49.319 --> 00:01:55.319 a minute or two ago, weddings are expensive here, receptions are expensive. 24 00:01:56.239 --> 00:02:00.560 I was stunned coming from California, where we just had you know, cake 25 00:02:00.599 --> 00:02:06.680 in the reception hall at the church, and now here it's full course meal, 26 00:02:06.840 --> 00:02:12.919 dancing, alcohol, the works. So it's a lot. You have 27 00:02:12.960 --> 00:02:19.599 your kids been going to weddings? Mine have been to a few. Our 28 00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:24.479 next door neighbor has kids a little bit older than ours, and so we 29 00:02:24.479 --> 00:02:30.319 were invited to two out of three daughter's weddings, and one we couldn't go 30 00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:36.360 because it was during Christmas and we were going to be away. But then 31 00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:39.560 when the youngest daughter got married, we were all invited and it was in 32 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:46.560 a barn far away like it was like a four hour drive. Oh my 33 00:02:46.599 --> 00:02:54.280 goodness. And you know, the bride had no particular tie to that area, 34 00:02:55.800 --> 00:03:00.759 but she she really wanted the barn. I guess that was her favorite 35 00:03:00.800 --> 00:03:06.199 barn or something. So um, so yeah, we went to that one. 36 00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:09.599 The kids went to that one. Um you know, of course they 37 00:03:09.639 --> 00:03:17.080 went to my sister's wedding and what else and then um, my daughter. 38 00:03:17.159 --> 00:03:23.479 A couple of years ago, one of my daughter's friend's older sister got married 39 00:03:23.719 --> 00:03:28.479 and this was the one that was also a barn wedding, and it was 40 00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:35.800 on Halloween, and so you attended the wedding in costume and the bride. 41 00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:42.840 The bride her wedding dress was um Tianna from the Princess and the Frog, 42 00:03:43.360 --> 00:03:49.680 like she had like a real not like hey, this dress kind of looks 43 00:03:49.719 --> 00:03:53.000 like the one from the movie, like the exact one. Wow. And 44 00:03:53.120 --> 00:04:00.400 then all the bridesmaids were a different Disney princess. Okay, took it all 45 00:04:00.439 --> 00:04:06.599 the way. So I dressed up, my daughter, dressed up everybody, 46 00:04:06.680 --> 00:04:14.400 you know, all the guests were expected to dress up. Wow. The 47 00:04:14.439 --> 00:04:19.920 most unusual wedding I've been to was a back backyard barbecue wedding where the bride 48 00:04:19.920 --> 00:04:26.199 and groom sealed their valves by throwing pies in each other's faces. So okay, 49 00:04:26.360 --> 00:04:32.279 that was in California. Nothing so fun happens here. I think my 50 00:04:32.439 --> 00:04:35.959 brother in law and his wife got married to outdoors, so that was at 51 00:04:36.040 --> 00:04:41.319 least something different in like a botanical It was a botanical garden or a park 52 00:04:41.480 --> 00:04:46.759 or something. It was a very nice setting. But other than that, 53 00:04:46.040 --> 00:04:51.519 it's pretty traditional, at least in the circles we go in. I mean 54 00:04:51.519 --> 00:05:00.160 there may be people having weird weddings, I don't know, but not not 55 00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:08.759 Amongst Rick's many many cousins and their children, which is yeah, no, 56 00:05:09.279 --> 00:05:15.120 um, Mike, we've been to my kids well because when we got because 57 00:05:15.160 --> 00:05:16.959 I got married when I was younger than my friends and so I had kids 58 00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:23.639 before them, so my kids were in wedding parties. So when they were 59 00:05:23.680 --> 00:05:26.319 younger, because they were like the only little kids, and my friends knew, 60 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:32.680 so we hired them out. Now so and they were just like typical 61 00:05:33.000 --> 00:05:40.079 traditional church with the reception and dance afterwards, and then you know, kind 62 00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:45.839 of dried up for a bit, and now we're going to our kids friends 63 00:05:46.519 --> 00:05:50.759 weddings and it's I love it because they just seem to have so much more 64 00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:58.160 freedom and they're not so mired in tradition as what our weddings are. I 65 00:05:58.160 --> 00:06:00.120 mean, if I had to do my wedding over again, I would in 66 00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:08.720 a heartbeat, like mine was just too too rigid and too traditional and um 67 00:06:08.959 --> 00:06:14.639 and I just love that, just you know, not so much that anything 68 00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:19.480 goes, but that things can be fun and enjoyable and at least on the 69 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:25.040 surface, you know, because he knows what's gonna be. But like, 70 00:06:25.240 --> 00:06:27.920 you know, I think I mentioned this before, but the last one we 71 00:06:28.040 --> 00:06:32.920 went to was um Down Your Sea World in San Diego, and it was 72 00:06:32.920 --> 00:06:39.160 out on a lawn. Um. It was gorgeous, and my son was 73 00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:43.240 was a bride's man, so he was on the you know, he's one 74 00:06:43.240 --> 00:06:46.360 of the bride's best friends and so he was on her side, and he 75 00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:53.759 wore the same colors as the bridesmaids. He carried a bouquet down the aisle 76 00:06:55.800 --> 00:07:00.000 um and you know, in the groom actually had one of his good friend 77 00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:03.720 ends, his female on his side, and she wore the gray that the 78 00:07:03.800 --> 00:07:09.319 groomsman were wearing, and she had a bootiner. Yeah. So and I 79 00:07:09.360 --> 00:07:12.879 love that because when I got I mean when I got married, and I 80 00:07:12.879 --> 00:07:15.839 still do. I have a very very close friend who I've I've grown up 81 00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:20.480 with and he, you know, I's probably one of my closest friends outside 82 00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:25.279 of my husband, and I would have loved for him to be in my 83 00:07:25.319 --> 00:07:29.040 wedding party, but it was just not done at that time, and so 84 00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:30.839 he ended up being an usher or something like that. So I still thought 85 00:07:30.920 --> 00:07:34.759 him in some of the photos. But yeah, so I just love the 86 00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:40.040 freedom that they have now. It just seems so much more creative leeway. 87 00:07:40.439 --> 00:07:44.399 Yeah, right, well, certainly more fun when you're going to the wedding 88 00:07:44.439 --> 00:07:47.639 to see something different instead of just the same. Yeah. I mean, 89 00:07:47.959 --> 00:07:51.560 my wedding was was pretty traditional and I really enjoyed it and it was really 90 00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:56.120 fun. But you know, from the point of view out in the pews, 91 00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:58.920 like, is anything different going to happen? Is there anything you can 92 00:07:59.000 --> 00:08:03.360 see here that will be interesting hopefully positive? You know, you don't wish 93 00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:09.959 for something bad to happen, but September or something, but something like, 94 00:08:11.319 --> 00:08:16.240 you know, a gender switch in the wedding party or unusual for this is 95 00:08:16.279 --> 00:08:22.279 of some sort. The one that I'm going to um in a few weeks, 96 00:08:22.560 --> 00:08:28.360 which is um another barn, right, so that would be three for 97 00:08:28.600 --> 00:08:31.399 three on the barn weddings in Wisconsin. You have to link in the show 98 00:08:31.440 --> 00:08:37.240 notes to them. McSweeney's things about about the barn not wanting to barnes are 99 00:08:37.320 --> 00:08:43.320 protesting. But anyway, this one's gonna have hay rides, a bonfire, 100 00:08:43.519 --> 00:08:46.799 my goodness. The dinner is a pig roast. There's gonna be s'mores. 101 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:52.960 Like it's wow, yeah on a Friday night. So yeah, it is 102 00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:56.879 well, and I feel like the food is getting better. I mean that 103 00:08:56.279 --> 00:09:00.919 whole candy bar thing, you know with all that Oh yeah, that's from 104 00:09:01.159 --> 00:09:07.360 We got a churro stand and you know, um, like all sorts of 105 00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:11.799 fun thing. Yeah, the weddings we go to here, there's usually like 106 00:09:11.840 --> 00:09:16.000 a whole like a cocktail hour with or d'uvres, either in the same place 107 00:09:16.120 --> 00:09:20.120 or in a separate place, you know, with nearby, um, and 108 00:09:20.320 --> 00:09:24.399 so you like load up on that and then you go in and then there's 109 00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:26.840 all the different courses and then there's the all different desserts and the king. 110 00:09:26.960 --> 00:09:33.440 It's quite the thing. My son would be horribly bored by the wedding ceremony, 111 00:09:33.600 --> 00:09:37.840 would not be interested in the dancing would be annoyed by the loud music, 112 00:09:37.919 --> 00:09:43.120 But holy cow, would he love the four solid hours of eating like 113 00:09:43.159 --> 00:09:46.559 you're on a cruise. Yeah, it would be like all those times I 114 00:09:46.600 --> 00:09:50.759 feel like I haven't eaten my my money's worth. He would. He would 115 00:09:50.759 --> 00:09:56.000 take the extra plates for me. It would just be heaven for him. 116 00:09:56.039 --> 00:09:58.080 I always feel a little bit bad when we go to one of these big 117 00:09:58.120 --> 00:10:03.000 receptions, thinking how much she would enjoy it, right. I try telling 118 00:10:03.080 --> 00:10:05.639 him about the food later, but he's not so interested. If it's not 119 00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:11.519 they're not the same, whereas my daughter would enjoy the dancing and all the 120 00:10:11.559 --> 00:10:15.559 other stuff. So one day. Even the first dances now are just fun 121 00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:18.600 to watch because you just you know they're coming up. They're all they're always 122 00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:22.399 some sort of gimmick or something involved with you know, it's no longer just 123 00:10:22.440 --> 00:10:26.919 the bride and the groom standing in the middle of the dancelor and moving around 124 00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:31.159 in the circle. You know, there's always something that that's another one like 125 00:10:31.240 --> 00:10:35.000 the prom posle, where I feel kind of bad that they have to come 126 00:10:35.080 --> 00:10:39.919 up with ye totally. But if you get like a fun couple and you 127 00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:45.679 kind of feel like it's it's kind of them, like the last the one 128 00:10:45.720 --> 00:10:48.879 that we went to because they're a younger couple and um, you know, 129 00:10:50.039 --> 00:10:52.879 they they made it fun. I mean like he twalked me through and she's 130 00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:58.679 like it was fun, you know, and people were laughing and they were 131 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:03.440 just having a great time with it. So um, which I just appreciate 132 00:11:03.480 --> 00:11:05.559 because it just makes you know, I know that when we had our wedding, 133 00:11:07.360 --> 00:11:11.440 it was more for I feel like it was more for our parents and 134 00:11:11.480 --> 00:11:15.320 it was for us. Yeah, it was just a very sort of stuffy, 135 00:11:16.440 --> 00:11:26.120 um events. Yeah, how can you tell I have issues? Yeah? 136 00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:28.279 Are you looking forward to when you get to get to plan one in 137 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:35.480 your family? Me? Yeah, either of you. I'm not planning firing 138 00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:43.679 a wedding platter? Will you make your wishes known? No, I'm just 139 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:50.159 it was this outsource and you know, I might have like I don't know, 140 00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:58.879 I don't honestly, I it's their call. Yeah. I wonder if 141 00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:07.879 I'll ever be like a backlash where people are like going very traditional because yeah, 142 00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:11.440 no one's doing that anymore. Yeah, well that's true, but yeah 143 00:12:11.720 --> 00:12:15.360 the other way, Yeah, it's a lot of pressure to keep coming up 144 00:12:15.399 --> 00:12:18.240 with creative stuff. Yeah, no, I just want to get married. 145 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:22.399 I just want to put on a dress and go to a church. Well, 146 00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:26.720 I think that or after those are the occasions where people belo or yeah, 147 00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:31.240 well that may go to city hall or whatever. Let's see your wedding 148 00:12:31.240 --> 00:12:35.200 planners for it's their job come up with that stuff. Yeah. Have you 149 00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:39.120 ever had to go to a destination wedding? Um, while the barn that 150 00:12:39.200 --> 00:12:43.759 was, that's true, but like I mean, people like expect everybody to 151 00:12:43.799 --> 00:12:48.720 go to Mexico or some far away place or something. I can't quite imagine 152 00:12:48.720 --> 00:12:54.039 that. Or Europe or cruise ships. Cruise ships. We saw wedding on 153 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:58.519 our last So like, if they're paying my way, okay, but otherwise 154 00:12:58.600 --> 00:13:01.320 I don't know. Yeah, I don't think they're paying your Yeah, I 155 00:13:01.320 --> 00:13:05.440 don't think so either. So I think I'm I don't think we've ever been 156 00:13:05.480 --> 00:13:09.159 invited to one, but I can't quite imagine us going. Yeah, well 157 00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:13.159 and especially if it was a party of four. Yeah, just I mean 158 00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:18.759 just to elope and have a party after or something. We uh, when 159 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:24.240 we got married, we had a West Coast reception. We you know, 160 00:13:24.279 --> 00:13:26.840 we had the We got married in New Jersey and then we went to Hawaii 161 00:13:26.879 --> 00:13:30.759 for our honeymoon. On the way back, we stopped at my mom's in 162 00:13:31.039 --> 00:13:33.320 California and she had a party for us, so that was kind of nice. 163 00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:37.639 So people who couldn't actually, you know, travel to New Jersey for 164 00:13:37.720 --> 00:13:41.120 the wedding, because of course I send invitations to everybody, even knowing they 165 00:13:41.120 --> 00:13:45.039 couldn't go, but it seems like you can't just not. So why was 166 00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:48.080 it in New Jersey and not where your family was? Well? Because I 167 00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:52.120 was living in New Jersey at that time and never planning to live anywhere else, 168 00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:56.559 so you know, my life was here, Okay, I was. 169 00:13:56.720 --> 00:14:03.120 I was thirty one, right, you're yes, plus which you know, 170 00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:09.440 the the entire New Jersey Italian wedding infrastructure would possibly not have released me. 171 00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:15.440 So right, So my my mother in law's first child getting married, there 172 00:14:15.480 --> 00:14:24.759 were you know, decades of payback, so um, yeah, I don't 173 00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:26.679 think that would have been received too well. So I'm you know, much 174 00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:31.679 easier for my mother to come out here and my sister than for everybody in 175 00:14:31.720 --> 00:14:35.320 his family to have gone out there. So and yeah, and my life 176 00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:39.639 was here where this is where I was living and was going to live. 177 00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:43.519 We bought a house at that point, so Yeah, that makes wait, 178 00:14:43.600 --> 00:14:50.159 it would been probably like flying everybody to California would have been cheaper than a 179 00:14:50.600 --> 00:14:58.080 Jersey wedding reception. That really it expense cost in your date, like how 180 00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:03.039 much those thousands? I I don't remember exactly. I just know that the 181 00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:07.519 money I had saved up, you know, through my adult life thus far 182 00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:09.519 pretty much went to pay for the wedding. I didn't feel it was my 183 00:15:09.679 --> 00:15:11.840 dad had passed away by that time, and I didn't feel like it was 184 00:15:11.879 --> 00:15:15.720 fair to ask my mom to pay for something that was so much different than 185 00:15:15.799 --> 00:15:18.440 what it would have been if I was living, you know, where she 186 00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:22.360 lived. So I paid for it, but that pretty much. Rick put 187 00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:26.360 his life savings to that point on a down payment for a house, and 188 00:15:26.440 --> 00:15:31.320 I paid for the wedding. Wow, yeah it was expensive. Wow how 189 00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:35.279 much do you think here? So it's Catherine because my wedding. Yeah, 190 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:43.279 oh well, I mean it was still thousands like it, but we had 191 00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:50.320 it in northeastern Pennsylvania. We were living in New York City at the time. 192 00:15:50.360 --> 00:15:58.600 That was a non starter. And and my husband had tons of relatives 193 00:15:58.360 --> 00:16:03.559 in the because we got married where he grew up, and a lot of 194 00:16:03.639 --> 00:16:06.919 them were older like there was no way they were going to travel, you 195 00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:10.720 know, especially even in that included some of the ones who was really really 196 00:16:10.799 --> 00:16:14.279 close too, So we just we just needed to have it, you know, 197 00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:18.440 where they could go. Yeah, but you know, like it was 198 00:16:18.519 --> 00:16:22.879 a country column. So my I mean, my mom bought my dress. 199 00:16:23.080 --> 00:16:29.399 My parents they just said, here's some money, and you decide how you're 200 00:16:29.399 --> 00:16:32.440 going to spend it. And I think my mom probably did. But my 201 00:16:32.639 --> 00:16:40.320 mom bought my dress because she wanted the experience of saying yes to the dress. 202 00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:45.080 And we actually went to Clientfeld in the TV show You were There, 203 00:16:45.559 --> 00:16:52.519 Yeah, yeah, the one in Brooklyn, m because she eloped, my 204 00:16:52.679 --> 00:16:56.480 mom and you know, she just got married in a suit, and so 205 00:16:56.960 --> 00:17:00.279 she really wanted to, um, you know, she thought it would be 206 00:17:00.360 --> 00:17:06.680 fun to shop for a dress. So yeah, so she bought the dresses 207 00:17:08.119 --> 00:17:14.519 and then it lived in my mother in law's attic for fifteen years. Mine's 208 00:17:14.519 --> 00:17:17.000 in my attic, but now it's here.