She's so bossy. Hello, Welcome to Laura Kane After Dark. First podcast
in May and officially my birthday month. And you know what you know some
year I'm Laura Kane, Eric Rimmer, Hi producer Brian Elvis Kan. So
I've decided this year I'm going all out. I don't know why. It's
not a big it's not like a it's a big one, but it's not
six zero. No, it's not. I'm not sixty. G's Louise give
me my fifties for a little while longer at least. I'm no. I'm
just like, I'm just gonna like treat myself. I'm gonna, like I
said, I'm gonna get that tattoo and I'll show you what it is your
financial Oh that was last year. No, this would be good. I've
already got something spinning the works. And we have our big producer, Brian.
To your party, Laura Caane Birthday Party, which is Laora's hijacking for
her sixtieth birthday featuring George Michael. It's gonna be on May twenty fourth,
my actual birthday. It's a Friday night. We're all meeting at v AHAs
and we're gonna see George Michael Reborn great band tribute band to George Michael.
If you grew up in or had some part of the eighties, you will
love this band. He looks like him, he sounds like him. He's
a great guy. Hopefully we can get on before because he has a great
story about a connection he has with the real George Michael. It's really cool.
I'm going to for your birthday to what you know what I'm gonna do
for you? What I'm going to buy you a new outfit for your birthday
party? Really? Yeah? Are you gonna pick it out? You're the
stylist pick it out for me? You're not gonna like it? No?
Yes, I I'm well will I? Yeah? Because the Dollar Tree is
selling clothes now. No, they're not shirt, just a star for a
log T shirt and some big crushy socks. So next week we'll have more
details on how you can win these tickets and uh what we're going to have
to give away at the party we always have prizes and stuff, and how
you can be a part of it. We'll have more details next week,
but I just wanted you to hold that date. May twenty fourth, Friday
Night, we yes hold it. Okay. So, since it's the beginning
of May, I brought out my tarot cards, the ones that you hate,
trustworthy ones, and we're each going to pick. This is going to
signify that since we're now done with mercury and retrograde is over. You're not
I don't think you're qualified to read tarot. I'm just qualified to hear.
This is what I'm qualified to do. I'm qualified to put my good energy
all on the deck. Well, have you cleansed that deck with my good
energy? I am That's not how deck cleansing works. And need like a
full moon or something. It doesn't matter. Let's just play the game.
Now. You're saying that you get to change the rules of the stuff we've
made up. You don't even like the art on this one. But this
is gonna signify this month and how how it's gonna be for us. So
I'm laying out all the cards and we're gonna do that thing again that you
guys always give me crop about. You're gonna come over here and you're gonna
close your eyes and you're gonna go over the deck and whatever. If you
feel something, pick the card. Okay, go Eric, all right,
all right, lean ford, now really close your eyes and if you feel
something goes slowly, go slowly, go slowly. Oh he felt it,
he felt something, you know, Flip it over this way. Okay,
Oh it's right side up. Queen of Swords, I think this is a
good one. Okay, So let's see what Queen of Swords is. Queen
of Swords, nine of Swords, Queen of Swords, Queen the Sword,
Princess's Swords, Queen Yes, brains of her beauty. The Queen of Swords
values intellect above all else. She has no problem telling it like it is
with class and sass. She's direct, witty, honest, and even blunt.
Logic rules the land with the facts being the fairest of them all.
She's able to use her discernment and can see past hidden motives easily. Look
at that. She asks that you cut through the noise and gather information that
will point you in a clear cut solution. Detach yourself from your emotions so
you can use your critical eye with impartiality and clarity. The Queen of Swords
likes to get straight to the point and uses facts to get there, preferring
to connect on an intellectual level level sensitive souls may receive her bluntness as cold
and dub her the ice queen. Oops. Oops, it's not that she
doesn't care. She just wants to be fair. That's right. Sorry a
second, when when Reverend doctor nally Veil did it, she had some things
to look out for for our future. That's just like a personality thing.
Well, this one, if you if it was upside down has a different
meaning. But it was the right side up. So go ahead, Brian,
come on out, pick your card. B Then I have some things
to talk about that are important. I don't like, I don't I don't
know if you know about these things. All right now, really close your
eyes closure eyes good, Okay, good. He's such a brad. He
has to have one eye open, one eye open. Okay. We wants
to make sure you're not moving the cards around. He's being a proud about
it. He's being a proud about it. I hope he gets a real
bad one. He's being led in in a really powerful direction. All right
now, flip it like that. I think it was this way because I
told you to do it that, but you went like that. So tennis
swords right side up is this all right, here's your future for the month.
Stab in the back without any warning, leaving you feeling betrayed by those
you trust. Do you fight back or let it go? This unexpected setback
feels like failure on all levels, and you're looking for someone to take the
blame, even if it means yourself sacrificing your needs can inadvertently allow people to
take advantage of you. This is a low blow to your self esteem and
it will take time to get back up again. Be careful of playing the
victim and throwing a pity party to get attention. Losses often feel like failures,
but try to look at this as a painful transition to beginning anew Wow.
Bad news is usually hard to swallow, but you cannot grow without change
Jesus, even if it's terrible. Well this sounds great. Times are difficult,
but you can only go up from me. Here's the reverse of the
cards, say to the other way. Dramatic events have led you strongly to
reevaluate all areas of your life. You're letting go of what does not serve
you anymore. Don't say the podcast, please, I'm gonna make one of
these things come true right now. I know, purging all the excess baggage
that you can begin a new cycle wise from your life experiences. Old beliefs
no longer resonate with you, and you are shifting your perspective. Avoiding change
to avoid pain just prolongs. The inevitable personal transformation requires that you let go
of something old so that you can make room for something new. Don't us
content? I am a slave to the fate of the card. What can
I do? Constant thought chatter without worst case scenarios has you worrying about the
future, paralyzing you from living in the present. Take inventory of thoughts,
beliefs, and attitudes and clearly label the ones you want to keep and the
ones you want to throw away. Allow your awareness to help you grow from
your experiences. Brian, you know what I just noticed? You and I
are twins tonight. You're both wearing dolphins club. Yes, this is mine?
Oh boy, oh? The hermit naked lady in front of them,
the hermits. I don't think that one's terrible. Well, let's see,
I don't even know where she would be, the hermit, the hermit,
the hermit, the hermit. She'd probably be somewhere far away, Oh the
fool. Here's the fool, here's the magician, here's the high priestess.
Oh, here we go, I see where she is the hermit. Soul
searching is the name of the game, and you've decided to take the time
to explore that aspect of yourself. Wide eyed truth seeker, you improve the
deepest depths of your being so you can know yourself in ways you didn't know
before. There was a certain restlessness with how you were living your day to
day truly knowing that there is a deeper meaning to life. Okay, Soul
searching tends to be a solo journey, so you maybe finding yourself withdrawing from
social activities. I don't even have any social activities normally and retreating inside yourself.
You are seeking your deep inner truth and defining your core values. And
if that means a night in with a glass of wine, great they want
me to great, they want me to relapse, then so be it.
You are seeking alignment with your mind, body, and soul and are finding
new ways of consciously prioritizing your beliefs in your daily life. It would be
a glass of coke. There you go, like this coke right here?
All right now? Do you guys want to Brian, you have a wild
card? When do you want to do your wild card? I do it
now? You want to do it after we do some questions or oh?
First of all, I want to tell you this real quick. Did you
know about the airlines new rules? No? Did you hear about this?
Get this? Department of Transportation Secretary Pete Buddha Judge had a news conference,
and he had it last week. He announced that within six months, airlines
will be required to comply with new rules, which will require cash refunds for
cancelations and long delays as an expansion of passenger rights. You're not going to
get three hundred dollars for a one hour delay. Here's how it's going to
work. Passengers will be entitled to a refund if their flight is canceled or
significantly changed and they do not accept alternative Transportation of travel credits. This includes
airline changing your itinerary before the day of your trip. The delays covered would
be more than three hours for domestic flights and more than six hours for international
flights. This includes tickets purchased directly from airlines, travel agents, and third
party sites like Expedia and travelocity. So they're getting better about that whole thing,
because before they just canceled it and you were shut out of luck.
Right, well, they had to there were other rules, but there's some
other Restsally doesn't just make airlines just raise their prices to cover the the anticipation.
That's how the economy works. Bomb them. When the government mingles or
not mingles, interferes, Yeah, interjects itself. Okay, now do you
want to do your wild card or do you want okay, let's do it.
Okay. This last weekend, my sister got married. Actually she's been
married for a year, but this was her like ceremony wedding. And I
was originally just supposed to be the guy that walks the mom down, you
know, the mother down the aisle. Yes, I still did that,
but due to unforeseen events, my girlfriend, who was supposed to be the
bridesmaid, wasn't able to go. And on the bride side and on the
grooms side, two of his best man and one of his grooms men were
also not able to go. Oh no, so yeah, so I became
the second grooms men. So there's there was the best man and then just
me really on his side yeah, and that was that happened the day before
I left, so its very last minute. In a stroke of fate,
my suit ended up matching the one I just randomly bought. Matched perfectly with
what everyone else is wearing, Like, oh wow, that's the exact same
suit. It was a lot of fun. Was so it was a little
chaotic. Things kind of fell apart and got put back together last minute.
It was really fun. I mean, they've been married for you already,
so it's just how many people were like sixtysh. She was a pretty small
wedding. It was really nice. Venue was on. It was on in
South Carolina on a on a river, a venue on a river, so
it was really cool, great wedding. It was a dry wedding. It's
kind of a bummer. Why is that so? In South Carolina for venues
to provide they have to provide the alcohol themselves. They have really strict alcoholaws.
And you also have to pay for a cop to be rented to be
you have to rent a cop to be on premises or the entire day of
the event. Shut up, really, wow, there's alcohol. Yeah,
it's pretty crazy. Wow. I wonder if people brought in flasks no.
I thought about it though. I thought, I know, right, would
have been fine. So if you got caught. But it was a lot
of fun. So it was a good weekend. God, that was You
must be exhausted. I'm very tired. I got home at like eleven pm
last night. Oh my, oh wow, woke up and went to work.
Wow. And now you're here. Okay, we'll try to bust this
out quickly. Well, congratulations to your sister. You want to give her
a shout out? Yes, the couple, the couple. Okay, you
don't, all right, never mind, but congratulations to Brian's sister. That's
really cool, very fine, And it was really nice that you were there.
It was very nice wedding. I'm sure they appreciated it, and it
was really I bet it was a special moment you walking mama down. Yeah,
it was nice. Now my son's getting married in July. And uh,
like, okay, the groom was he up there already or did someone
walk him down the aisle? You know what I mean? Like, did
someone walk him to his spot? No? They just they just enter,
They just they when the ceremony starts, does he walk down the aisle to
his spot? At least in my sister's wedding. They walk down with the
officiant. Oh, at the very beginning, they just walk They just walk
up there. I want to walk down, which is so bad. Well,
I mean talk to him about it. I mean it has to be
up to him, you know. Yeah, I mean he can They can
do however they want, so they can do. But did I tell you
that my daughter is going to sing their first dance song. Oh my god,
it's going to be a room full of a puddle of tears. It's
going to be so so cool. All right, now I have a very
I'm no, you're not not actually my best friends. Ouch, that hurts.
Oh she didn't tell you, Eric. I'm also going, Wow,
Stacy's going, how easily I just got demoted? You didn't know you were
number two too? You are no longer one point five. She invited me
to go, and now she's on on live air. You couldn't go.
You already said you're gonna be like in freaking somewhere else. No, how
many times have you complained to me about taking time off about this and that?
I just I knew, I knew you weren't going to be able to
go, So I asked somebody who said she could go my wonderful stacy.
I'm gonna crash. I'm gonna crash it. You should object. I am
objected. I'm gonna crash it. Oh, oh for it, I am.
I'm gonna crash it and object and I'm just gonna show up hammered and
like vomit. Oh yeah, that's what I'm good. I'm going to show
up cammered and I'm going to object and then I'm going to throw up on
your shoes. Shut up. Oh my god, what am I going to
wear? I don't know. I'm not helping you. Oh that's right now.
You were gonna wait birthday out. I'm not doing that either. Okay.
Now, America is divided. America is very dividedly lately. Now this
is very important. This is I want to know from you guys. It's
fifty to fifty down the middle that a pole was taken. Do you wash
your clothes before wearing them? After you've bought them new clothes? You buy
a new clothes off the rat, you bring them home, Do you wash
them before you wear them? No? Go No? Sometimes, depending on
what it is we buy it, depending on where you buy it, also
depending on where the size I buy it. Oh, it's for a shrink
purposes. Yeah, because there's a lot of clothes that shrink a lot.
Actually, I feel like, like hoodies, if you you have to buy
them a side. I wasn't buying them. I was like, dude,
I just that fat, like Jesus. But no, they shrink so much.
They do well. It's split down the middle. Fifty one percent said
no, they don't. Forty nine percent said, oh, yes we do.
Because you don't know how many people have handled it. It's fair.
I guess do you wash your underwear at least before you Oh? Uh no,
those are sterilized in the little packages. Yeah, because the women's underwear
sometimes there are not Okay, yeah, I was yeah, then I would
Yeah they were hanging on a yeah, I mind comeing to sealed packs.
So yeah, that's true. But you know how they say, oh,
the chemicals and whatever. Now if I buy clothes, I'm like, I
don't buy clothes at Hallster, but if I did, or like maybe Abercrombie,
I probably wouldn't wah it because those clothes smell nice when you buy them.
Oh, Ambercrombie smells so good. Yeah, and that. Some people
say, no, I don't wash them because it's all downhill. After the
first wash, your clothes start getting worse, depending on And then somebody said
it depends on the store. Yes, but only bathing suits and undergarments.
Well, the bathing suits that I buy have this little like in the crotch
area strip, but little like. But here's the here's something. Some women
don't wear underwear, and so they're trying on these bathing suits. Some men
don't wear underwear. Well, I'm not trying on men's clothes. But there
was a there was a an episode of the show House, remember House,
where somebody got some vicious virus from a piece of clothing that was brand new
and they hadn't washed it. So someone said, oh, after I saw
that episode of House, I washed everything before I put it on. So
and then anyway, now do you want to see an eight pair of jeans
sold out immediately online. These jeans are pre stained with a pea stain.
Come on, and this is what it looks like. Come are you kidding
me? Oh that's kind of funny. Eight dollars pants and these sold out
online like that. There were there was a six hundred dollars pair with a
lighter wash with the so the stain was a little lighter. Those sold out
immediately. Who's the designer? Let's see who is the designer? I don't
think it really said so ridiculous, It's just a brand in the UK and
uh a Jordan Luca, Jordan Luca. Anyway, there you go, hideous.
You can do that on your own. You really can do it on
your own. Okay, a man in Pennsylvania, can you imagine this?
Oh God, if this happened to Eric, God only knows, he would
go to the top of he would call the President of the United States.
I would for sure. This poor guy got a tax fund from the state
for nine hundred dollars. He did his taxes, he makes one hundred dollars
one thousand dollars or less. He got a federal income tax bill for thirty
four billion dollars. They obviously made a huge mistake. Oh my god,
it's a bill in the marriage. Just shoot myself instead. Billions go jump
off in your bridge. Eric, your fac immediately turned like be Ready'd be
like no, You'd go call like every manager known to mail. I would,
I would call every manager ever. So he called his tax guy,
who's a blunder something with numbers. Blah blah blah blah. All right,
Now here's some things that people talk about are people do but don't talk about.
When your flight doesn't board for an hour and you need to eat,
do you go to the gate first just to make sure that it's there and
then go eat? Yeah? Absolutely, Okay, that's there's saying people do
that, but they don't ever talk about that. Yeah. I mean I
was just flying this weekend. I did that, like with every time.
Yeah, because you kind of want to know where you're at first, and
then you get your food and then you go back and sit down. You're
breathing fine until you lay down and one nostril immediately closes up. That happened
to you, true, Yeah, when you swallow water in a weird way
and there's that excruciating pain in your chesty. Oh God, when you need
a specific item at the grocery store but there's somebody else standing in front of
it, so you pretend to shop for something else until they move. You
do that, I just pushed them out of the way. That satisfying feeling
when one of your ears randomly popped, oh, yes, and you're here,
you're hearing immediately improves or this. I always feel this way when you
walk into a store and you want to buy something, it's not there for
whatever reason, and you walk out of the store with nothing. I always
feel like I'm in trouble, Like I'm going to get in trouble for shoplift.
Oh I do you feel guilty? I feel like immediately guilty. First,
think of that. Somebody's got to think I stole something. Yes,
yeah, when you walk out with nothing, no bags, I do that
all the time. You don't feel guilt, like any kind of guilt about
it. Okay, so now we're gonna do the question game. We love
the question game, don't we? Yes? We do? We do?
All right, play us some little simple music for the question game. That's
too Scared and that was the ghost Hunter. There we go. Now,
I tease this on our last episode, and I want to know honestly,
think about it very clearly. On You're honest for Real answer, You're walking
in a forest. You find a black suitcase. Inside it holds one million
dollars and a piece of paper stained in blood with a single word, don't
would you take the suitcase home? Or do you leave the suitcase there?
Okay, here's what I do. Since somebody says one word, just says
don't, we don't know what don't mean. So I surmise that it means
don't leave your money laying around. So I go, good advice. So
I take that money. And then yeah, what about the smeared in blood
part paper cut? Obviously? Okay, so you take it? Oh yeah,
no problem, Eric. Oh this is the start of every horror movie,
or it could be the start of a horror movie. Wait, real
quick, how much money is it? One million? One million? That's
a lot of money to hide from the irs. Well, so you're saying,
then now you're going back on regardless, I take it. This is
what I would do, all right, I would, of course, no
one's around that can't say, did you lose a million dollars? Of course
I would go take it, take it to the bank. I wouldn't keep
it in my home. I take it to the bank and put it in
a safety depossle box. That is awful idea, because the bank has to
log down you deposit a million dollars, They go, oh, great,
you found a million bucks. Perfect. Why would they have to log it
what I what if I said of a jewelry, Yeah, it's his own
personal Okay, then what do you do with that? Well, the positive
box is not going to hold a million dollars. I mean you out of
the briefcase. Can you get a big enough one? Can you get a
big one? Different sizes? I mean how many how much space does I
mean? Assuming the ten millions in hundred dollar bills, it's one million,
sorry, one million in one hundred dollar bills. Each stack of hundred dollar
bills is I think ten thousand. Still a lot of stacks of Yeah,
but I would rent, and then that way I don't have the ju ju
in my house. But then what do you do with it? Well,
if the bank catches on fire, then I know that the dogs leave it
there forever, no river or something, and the note, no, I
sell it, You sell the brief extra little profit. No, then I
made a million dollars, I will jump there twent five dollars, and then
I would use it. It would be awfully hard to leave it there,
but I would because I would take that out. I do. I take
the note. I sell it to a Halloween prop store. I made an
extra two dollars. On top of that, now I'm up to one million
and twenty seven dollars. I would think that I was being filmed for some
kind of prank show. Oh, then I would get notoriety and a million
dollars. No, they wouldn't give it to you. It was just a
prop. Oh, then I get notoriety. I immediate immediately use my notoriety
to start some type of brand useless, and then I make a million real
dollars. Okay, there you go, There you go. Now this one
is pretty interesting. Uh, if your girlfriend this is more good thing,
you can relate to this more. But you can if you put your mind
to it. If your girlfriend and your mother changed bodies. Oh, what
the I don't like where this is going. I know you're not gonna like
it because you have to answer it. The only way to get them back
to normal is to have sex with one of them. No, Jesus Christ,
who what the do you choose? You? You break up with your
girlfriend and you disown your mom. No, You're never going to disown your
mother, No way. And we can only talk on the phone. That's
horrible. Your girlfriend and your mom change places, yes, change bodies,
and the only way to get them to change back is you have to have
sex with one of them. Who do you choose either? I would have
sex with my girlfriend in your mother's body. Yeah, but it's just like
the spirit the shell. Your mom wouldn't remember it, but you would.
Yeah, you'd remember the visual and then I'd be in therapy for the rest
of my life. Could you I don't even know you. Could you could
perform? I know? Wow? I know wow. Okay. You find
a book, you begin to read it, only to discover that it's your
life. You get to the point where you're at right now. Do you
turn the page knowing that you will not be able to change the events to
come? Hell? Yeah yeah No. Also, there's no way I can't
change the events. I say, I don't want to know. I want
to be surprised. Okay, let's say the book says you get ran over
by a car on main Street, and that day I just I don't go
on main Street. There's no way from there's no way for me to die.
See, that's not what I was picturing. I was picturing like,
like, what, no, I want. I don't want to know what
my future. I kind of like if I had a crystal ball. I
wouldn't want to know where I'm going to be intenuo. Wouldn't you want to
know, like, let's say something bad but that you could least at least
mentally prepare for and you could handle it better. I didn't know. I
think that would be I don't know. It would totally suck, would totally
I think I am. I knowing me, I'd probably be like, all
right, just one more page, Okay, just one more page, I'll
just read it. Oh my god. Would you rather have to say everything
that comes to your mind? Or never say anything again? Never say anything?
You never saying? Really like, everyone has those weird thoughts. They're
just awful and totally yeah, the chance you have to spew those out,
Oh my gosh. No. If you could go back to any age you
want for one month, what age would you choose? Oh? I would
choose I don't know why, and I don't remember why this was such a
great age for me, But I love twenty seven. I can't relate.
I don't know. I know what do you want to be fourteen? Again?
I mean, like I know, maybe twelve, I don't know.
Twelve where you don't have any bills or or thirteen. You're kind of puban
it out though, starting to get puberty. If you're seventeen seventeen, you're
still in high school? You still want to be in high school? Is
that when you're just graduated? I'm sorry, excuse me? You graduated early
sixteen? I graduated. You graduated when you were sixteen? Yeah, I'll
come Wait, that's not the normal school you graduate when you're eighteen? Is
it eighteen? Yes? Seven, seventeen or eighteen? Yeah, seventeen or
eighteen? You have no clue. I was like, do we have a
savant here among us? Oh? Yes, fourteen? Did you finish college
in like a month? I did? I blew through everything. Okay,
now we're gonna say this is me. If I murdered somebody for a good
reason, but you couldn't go to the police, how would you dispose of
the body or would you would you actually turn me in? What's the reason?
It's a good reason? Maybe this maybe this person raped me or something.
Oh, let's well, I don't know. There's gotta be more to
it, but obviously it's for a good reason it do. Would I help
you? Yeah, you're gonna help me dispose of the body, yes,
or how would we do it? How would we or you or you can
turn me in? Well, what if I just want to turn a blind
eye? No, there's that's not one of the choices. I would help
you, okay. How would we dispose of the body? What would take
it in a fire pit? And how did you murder him? Let's just
say I stabbed him where? This is important stuff. Haven't you ever listened
to the true crime? I stopped him fourteen times and the heart where like,
like where did you? Like? What location did you stand him?
Doesn't matter? Yes, because it depends on that. Okay, I stabbed
him in the chest and the stomach, like I mean like a what location
in the earls? Yeah? Okay, dide him over? Stab him?
Or yes? Oh god, well then it's my Okay, so the body's
at my house and the blood's at my house. How do we get how
do you help me get rid of it? Well, okay, you're gonna
help me clean. You'll help me clean. Was I already here? No?
Okay, sneak in the back, sneak in the back. I'd wear
his clothes. Oh well, because what if there's a camera around that can
see him there's no okay, well there's no camera. You don't know that.
Okay, don't your fire pit out there? We throw him in there,
Well, we'd have to throw him in bit by bit. So did
we chop him up? Yeah, we'd have to. Oh my god,
it's gonna get so gory. You take his car, you crash it into
a tree, and then you he has all these stabs. Yes, okay,
this is gonna sound really dark. It's actually how you do it.
Okay, I dressed up as him, take his car out, crashed into
a tree. Well, first I pick up a hitchhiker, and then I
crashed into a tree, knock out the hitchhiker, light the car on fire,
because although he his cremated remains, they won't be able to know it
wasn't him. There's no DNA from that. And then I come back here
and I help you dispose of the body. But like chopping up, throwing
the ocean or something, So we would chop it up, or just just
like put like something heavy around his ankle with a rope and throw the drop
it. They'll find it because then we go fishing. We go fishing,
and we can throw it in the feed to the fish and then wow,
you know that's fair. Wait, listen to the true crime. Here's the
thing. There was a real serial killer who uh they was it or he?
Like they thought he? I think this was he. They thought he
died, but turns out he just picked up a hitchhiker, crashed his car,
and let the car on fire. So then they found his car and
they found a bunch of remains in the car and they assume he's dead.
So they actually like he was actually declared dead and everything, but you're still
alive. Wow. Yeah, that reminds me of a movie I started watching
called Searching for Sugarman. Have you ever heard of this? Oh yeah,
Oh my god, about this about this singer named Rodriguez that should have been
as big as the Stones. He should have been as big as anybody else,
Uh, Jim Crochey, Bob Dylan. He had like great lyrics,
he had a great voice and everything, but for some reason he never made
it because there was nothing. Nobody could find out any information about this dude.
And the rumor was that he set himself on fire on stage and killed
himself that way in front of like everybody. But it turns out that wasn't
the case. I'm not gonna I'm not going to ruin it. It's a
movie that's been out for a while, but searching for Sugarman and then I
fell asleep, so I don't know if they they did. Well, I'm
not going to say anything, say anything. I don't want to ruin it.
But that's it was a really good, really good documentary. I think
just lighting somebody on fire is probably the best thing. How do you get
away with it? Though? Well? Yeah, where can we set like
a big bonfire at the beach or something? How do you know people won't
see? You think about this story? I know we can't do it my
fire pit, my fire pits, this pig. Yeah, your neighbor might
see, like, what's cooking? I've never smelled anything like that before.
Oh you know what we could do? Take it? Dump it into a
river full of piranhas. Oh okay, that out that's close by. Yeah,
you can get hid, you can melt the body. Yeah, but
they did that on Breaking Bad and they it eats through porcelain. So you
have to do it in a plastic tub. Yeah, pala plan, yes,
yes, so we have to give it a tub big enough for a
man barrel they make they make plastic barrels for transporting chemicals. That would be
easy. Oh okay, yeah, just done, done. We'll just disintegrate
him. Yeah, per okay. And then what do we do with the
barrel? You drain it into the sewage? Oh, very very late at
night, very late at night, a neighborhood not close to here. Okay,
all right. Would you rather have four legs or four arms? Four
arms die die? Yeah, enjoy four arms? Me too, me too.
If you could ask your future self from the year twenty twenty five,
one question, what would it be? It's not that far away, right,
No, tell me quick, tell me something I should do right now
or that I should know. Mm hmm. I'd say it'd probably be something
about work, like what or like what should I What move do I make?
What's the proper move that I make to get like a full time gig
somewhere? I don't know. I probably shouldn't talk about this on Yeah.
Yeah, thanks for the depressing us lak great. Thanks. Anybody have a
razor blade? Shut up? Okay? Anyway, and then here's here's really
we're going to end on this. Here are some things that make one is
that allergy related the coughing. Yes, are you how are you with the
allergies? Are you drugged up tonight? No? I'm not okay, you
were drugged up last week. Yeah, Eric was very drugged up for his
poor allergies. Are they getting better? Is the Pallen countdown or something?
What are you allergic to? Just the air? Just all the pollen?
Yeah, oh my gosh, because it is spring and I just found out
I had allergy testing done. What what else are you allergic to? You?
That was a good one. You walked it right into that, Laura.
I know, well I did kind of drop a bomb on him about
the best friend thing, about inviting Stacy fact that, yeah, you're not
your best friend. I forgot about that. That's okay, because you're not
his best friend either. I've never thrown that at his face ever ever?
Have you did tonight? I'm sorry? Now, it's just that wedding dark
vomiting, vomit, don't see vomit. I hate that word on you.
Vomit on your feet? What's wrong with bombs? I don't throw up?
Righte is okay? Wait? What like? What part of it is that
the min or? The law that is bad for you. Vombit. Yeah,
the whole thing is just a horrible word. I'm just gonna do it.
It's going to things that make you disproportionately angry. This happens to me
frequently when I'm walking by because I have knobs on my dresser that kind of
stick out, and every once in a while I'll walk by and one of
my belt loops or my sweater gets stuck in the knob and it like snags
it. Oh my god, that makes me so angry. How about when
somebody comes to a four way stop and they say, okay you go,
or you say you go, no they go, no you go, And
so you're sitting there going well, no go ahead, no go ahead,
and then they're like no, no, no go ahead. That drives me
insane. I hate it. But it's definitely not that's annoying. It's annoying.
What about Oh this is annoy you know. Do you wear those low
cut socks, the no show socks? Not no show, but yeah,
low cut? Do you wear the ones that are sometimes if you wear maybe
higher shoes, like maybe boots of some sort with those socks, the sock
gets I would never wear low cut socks. With boots. Well, your
socks should always be higher than your shoe. Well, then you don't ever
get the thing where the sock goes right down to the middle of your foot.
That is the most choices. I make poor decisions. Yes, oh
this happens to me. You wouldn't relate to this. But every time I
decide, I'm like, I'm going outside, I'm gonna go to the store.
I'm gonna put a little lip gloss on just so I look a little
bit more presentable. Never fails. Walk outside, gustawin right, my hair
sticks to my lip gloss. It gets me so annoyed. Can't relate,
I know, or you can't relate to this one, But I know women
can. When you push on the brake real hard, you're at a stop
sign or whatever, the light turns red and your purse flies off the passenger
seat and all the contents spill on the ground. I thought you would to
say something. You're like, women can relate, And I was like,
and then you start talk about driving. I was like, women can relate
to me, like bad drivers or something. I was like, the first
thing, the first thing, everything dumps over and it's sure, Oh my
god, is there anything that you can think of that makes you like a
little angry, like a little My purse drops on the floor all the time
because I'm a bad driver, like most women. How much time do we
have? Can you give me one? Yes? Wait, I thought we
were playing the question game. I already gave you the question. It was
a short, little little question. One of the things that makes me so
angry, yes, is when because I work in an environment where we work
on appointments. Oh yeah, oh boy, this thing makes me more irritated
than when somebody has an appointment and they show up either an hour or two
hour early, or an hour or two hours late, or they don't show
up at all, and then they just come by another day and they're like
hi. So people that feel entitlement, Oh totally all right. You want
another question, because I do have the whole questions. Here we go.
I got a question. What Okay, let's say you die, Okay,
would you rather find out that there is no afterlife? There is just you
know, blip boom, there is no existence. You're you're you're gone forever,
or would you either find out that you're going to the bad place?
What about the good place? You're not going the good place. Either you
either like lights out, bye bye and that's it, or hell or there
is existence. Let's not say it's like pure torture, but let's just say
it's not. It's not nice. But what about the good place? You're
not going there? Why that's just not a choice, because yeah, Lord
does this all the time. I'm doing it. Would you rather simply cease
to exist? Yes? Or would you go to We'll just say rather immoderately
irritating like place that's like you're gonna be there, fraternity. It's not good,
but it's kind of like at least its existence at least. Yeah no,
I'd rather just be zip zip zopped out. What about you? I
don't know. I guess it really depends on how bad the hell is.
Look, we do have the bowl of questions I did bring, So let's
end with each one answering a bowl a question from the bowl. Okay,
all right HEREIC go ahead. I love the question. I know it's actually
a bowl of questions. What's the biggest lie that you used to get out
of work? I've never lied to get out of work? Same, Oh
okay, actually I have. It was definitely car troubles though. That's that's
what the lie was. Yeah, you know what, No, I do
remember one time, this was years and years ago, and I had a
boss that I hated. I'll even say her name because I don't care,
No, don't. I don't think we should allegedly allegedly whatever word name is.
Jane Doe. Yeah, she was insufferable. I hated her. We
had a team building day at Disneyland, and I said I was sick,
so I didn't have to go and spend and look at her for an entire
day. You didn't go to Disneyland because of her, Dude, that's insane.
Well, I said I was sick because I refused to go. Just
don't go with her, just like it was a hole, it was a
whole. We had to be together, like lost. Sorry, I got
lost in the bathroom. So I was like, I'm sick. I can't
go. Okay, I'm stuck in line at the Indiana Jones Adventure, Like
I just don't know how to get a line. I'll have to go on
the ride. Brian, do you want me to pick for you? Yeah?
Please do? Okay, here we go, all right? Some one
looks like a long one. Here we go. I bet that's not the
first time you've said that. Probably actually is we call Okay, what is
the one perfume or cologne that drives you crazy? Someone wears it a good
perfume. That's somebody wears that you like. I wear well, I wear
Guilty by Gucci, sometimes by Versace. What I really want is some being
fume fume by tom Ford. But it like three and O god, it's
so expensive, is exquisite, but so not with it. It's not I
have a hack for you. They don't make it for the one I know.
Well, No, it's a site called micro Perfumes. I know that
I have to yet to find one that makes the sense I want for this
time. But no, they take the actual they give you. They give
you a little just a little bit, like a travel size, so at
least you can try it out and see if you like it. Micro Perfumes
and so you can get like the little teeny tiny sample, you can get
a travel size or you can get the full bottle. It's really good.
All right, here's your question? Then, what songs should they play at
your wedding? All Star by smash Mouth. I'm kidding, like please,
beginning. Please please is hey? Now wedding first dance, first dance is
important, is important, So I have to be have a slow song.
I like when the world caves in by like the one Michael Blue by Michael
Buble sings. Okay, a crowd pleaser, lord hereon her On's good some
of this stuff, but they're all kind of depressing, but they do have
a nice cadence for slow dancing. For for sure. For your wedding,
I would do something like for me or for him for him? Oh okay,
I do something really nice like the one by you know this remember the
song all my life I pray for someone like you think it does not have
I just looked it up. Micro perfumes does not have ebon a fume.
Oh it doesn't has It has a lot of other tom Ford stuff. It's
the duet between Julia Michaels, and it talks about two lovers and if the
world was ending, they would always what's sorry, okay Julia Michaels and something
of the world ends. Yeah, And it's a beautiful. So that's what's
the one where it's like love, love will keep us some sweet tugd lover
lovers in a stream. What's that one in the stream? That is what
we are? How can we go wrong? Stay away with me to another?
We really another? I wish to all of the clips of the heart
was more uppy because I love that one too, because the same kind of
repetitive. Or you could do a dance version of that. You want to
do a dance at your wedding, I'll do it. I'll do an interpretive
dance. Oh my god, and we'll just speed up the record, like
oh yeah, you'll just be spastic. If you can only eat one type
of food for the rest of your life, what would it be easy?
Rice? Damn it? Rice? I love rice. Rice, tacos.
That's gonna be like good. I really wanted a piece of pizza today,
Man, I had pizza. You did? What kind? What where did
you go? Do you want to plug that left over? I'm assuming it's
from a little Caesars then, Oh, actually, my sister's wedding though they
hired a pizza truck that came out. They had a big pizza oven built
into it. That ever happen. That is like a new thing. A
taco truck. The pizza well, people, people, instead of having it
catered yeah, they're they're hiring the food trucks. That's like a like a
chef comes out with it and the pizza there's a pizza like a wood fired
oven built into the truck and they I mean, they have have to be
a good chef too, but like literally the best pizza I've ever had,
and I've had like a lot of good pizza, you know. And it's
so weird because you know, before you'd go to weddings and it would be
the food by the venue or whatever, and you're like, oh god,
this food is not great. I mean, wedding food isn't usually it's not.
But I saw this. I forget who it was. They got married
and they had all these different food trucks at the venue, and I was
like, that is a great idea. Oh my god, Maybe I should
slip that to Charlie. If he hasn't he figured out the food? How
would it be for how much would it be to hire a food truck right
for a couple, more way cheaper than get a plate for each person?
And like you said, not good food, and you have like three different
ones. You have like Italian, Mexican and like you know, Mediterranean or
something all right, you guys want to go out and singing the song?
Here we go? Where this is? This is how we're going out?
Waiting? Should should we do that? Should? Okay? Yeah, let's
pull up the lyrics or pull up the karaoke version. I'm going to do
it right now, so keep talking. Ask us another question. Okay,
let me pull one out of the bowl here. Wait, someone connect to
the roadcaster? Then all right, let me let me do that. I
hope this doesn't get us copyright. That'll be fine. Oh well, well,
if we're not we're singing to it. Yeah, probably will, but
that's okay. Just start the tender Love is blind? It requires okay,
are you ready? Okay? Okay, are you attached to the roadcaster?
No, he's definitely no, he's most definitely not. Okay, because okay,
you can connect. Okay, then I won't connect. So connect,
mister, Yes, connect to the roadcaster. Go to setting. Do you
know how to do it? I'm waiting, okay, just keep talking anyway.
Evan comes on Saturday for just a few days. She needs to get
her wizom teeth out, so she has to fly all the way from New
York City to here for a consultation because she's getting it done in the summer
because I guess they're really coming in hard and they're really messing things up.
So she has to fly all the way out here for only three days so
she can go. We have the consultations on Monday, and then she flies
home Tuesday. Amber and my girlfriend Amber is also having to get her she
just had her consultation. Oh yeah, this is about the time when things
start getting try again. It's crazy, it is. Sometimes it's super expensive,
and sometimes insurance we'll cover like all of it. Well hopefully, well,
gosh, I hope. I know for ambush it's only a cost like
two and fifty bucks. That's great. I know. Okay, you should
be getting out here we go, are you guys ready? Let's wait for
the commercial band? Eric? Remember what play I am play? Okay,
ski, there we go, mm hmm, okay, here we go.
We skip skipped through a little bit, so we don't do the whole thing
because that might lower our chances of getting copyright strong. I know, well,
Baby, when I meet you, there was please I set out to
get you with the fun you Calma so insid there was something going on.
You do something to me that I can't explain. Hold me closer and I
feel no pain every beat of my heart. We got something going on.
Mm hmm, Here we go. Tender love is blind. It requires a
da vacation. All this love we feel needs no conversation. We ride it
together, making love with each other. Islands in the stream. That is
what we are, no one in between. How can we be wrong?
Stay away with me to another world and we were live on each other,
from one love to another. Oh yeah, that was a good I love
it. Wow, Brian, we are singing at your wedding. Guys,
here we go. We've just you've already booked the talent. You've got the
food track from yeah from now you to do rap? Guy? If you
do rap, God, you can sing my wedding, well, I will
you know what challenge accepted? Do do? Do right now? No?
I don't know. I don't know. That's what I thought. I'm so
sick and tired of be it admired. I just ride. That's not I
it's eminem. Anyway, let's end on that beautiful song. Oh my gosh,
that was really already brought us together as close as a family. I
hate to hate you guys a little bit more now. But oh I love
you guys a little bit more because of this. I mean I almost slid
out of my underwear listening to keep me Twenty fourth Friday opened v a house.
We're going to you guys could have such a good time. Details to
come on and how to get tickets. Yes, my god, we have
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