We talk about cheating a lot on the show. As a matter of fact,
right now, as we're recording this, in the background on the radio
station, there is a War of the Roses episode Plane. Earlier this morning,
we talked about Andrew, and I know you've heard about Andrew a lot.
Andrew was cheating with a woman at work and blah blah blah. So
is there a double standard? And we've talked about this a little bit before.
When a guy cheats, he's an awful, terrible, terrible pig and
he should have his life ruined. But when a woman cheats, sometimes it's
kind of celebrated. Not always, but let me tell you what I mean
right now. So, I know somebody who knows somebody. So a friend
of a friend. She's married, not particularly happy, but not unhappy enough
to get a divorce. He just never pays any attention to her. He's
always off doing something else. So she met somebody at work. She's been
banging this guy four or five or six times and they continue to do it.
And she has told him this is not do not he's married too,
do not leave your wife. I am this is just for fun. And
he's like, oh, I'm getting kind of serious. So guess what,
she's kind of pushed him on the back burner. Now she's sleeping with another
guy and her friend, who is a wonderful professional woman with kids. She's
like kind of celebrating it, like, you know what, good for you?
Yeah, go get your freak on. You're not getting sex from your
husband, Go do your thing. Just be careful. Is there a double
standard because as a guy, I don't think I know any guys who I
know are cheating and are proud of it or expect me to go, yeah,
dude, you go get that ass, because I never would. You
know, what do you think, Jenny? I think that it's hard for
me to say because my life experience has not evolved knowing many married people who
are cheating. Okay, So it's very hard for me to pass judgment on
either men or women in that situation right now because I do not honestly know
people who have done that. Okay, But I would say that you find
sympathy usually with your girlfriends. So girlfriends are going to like sympathize with their
other girlfriends and feel bad for them if they hear about like this awful relationship
that they're in. So you're just going to like automatically think your friend most
likely is not a super horrible person because that's your friend, and you know
everything about that. And that's right that you said it all because you know
everything about them, you know that they're a wonderful person that's having an affair
or that's slept with somebody else besides their husband. But I think this like
with Andrew, that nobody liked Andrew because nobody knew anything about him, Yeah,
except that he is cheating with a twenty five year old. Yeah.
So I mean when we had that one girl on who she didn't know if
she was going to be having a child with either her husband or her or
the limo driver or the limo driver, and people brought her to judgment for
that. I think people were like, that's so sketchy, like you should
tell your husband, and she was just waiting to see how the baby came
out in case because the limo driver was a different race. And so I
think people do judge, But I also think that people base their judgment off
of their life experience. So if they know people who have cheated, if
they've cheated themselves, then they're more sympathetic. I think it's true, But
I really like what you said. If I know more about you than that
you're just a cheater. It's kind of like the reason we hate people in
a road rate road rays incident is because the only thing we know about them
is they cut us off. We don't know that they are a wonderful mother
and a great sister, or that their mom has cancer all we know.
So I think when people like categorize make a blanket statement about this person is
a horrible person because they cheated, it is because you don't know anything about
them except that. But you know your friends. So my friend that knows
her friend that's cheating knows that she's wonderful, educated, professional, good mother,
et cetera, et cetera. All right, let's move on. We
got a lot of questions we got to catch up too, so let's go
back a couple of days. This is kind of funny. I couldn't help
myself. I listened to the two sisters about the fishnet stocking tattoos. The
story was basically, there was two sisters on the phone. They're both six
foot tall, they both had long, lovely legs, and they're both very
proud of them and one sister wanted to get full leg fishnet stocking tattoos.
The other one said, you're crazy. We both have beautiful legs. You're
twenty four, don't mess this up. My tattoo story nineteen ninety seven.
I was freshly eighteen and a group of girls from high school set out to
get tattoos together. What an adventure, I told my mom. I'm going
to get a bumblebee. Okay, cool. Fast forward to the day of
the tattoo. This was before the internet. So we go to the tattoo
parlor. You flipped through a large book and you pick the one you like
best. To my dismay, there was no bumblebee. So I got the
closest thing, a hornet. Happy with my selection, I went home showed
it to my mom and she said, that's not a fucking bumblebee. That's
a hornet, and when you're forty years old, it's going to be a
goddamn condor. Oh. I was so sad she didn't like it. Anyway,
time has gone on, and for my fortieth birthday, I decided to
get my tattoos redone because of fading and changing trends. Needless to say,
my hornet is now a bumble me and my mom likes it very much,
even though it never turned into a condor. Thanks for having a great morning
show, Lacy, Lacy, thanks for a great story. That's funny.
That's not a fucking bumblebee. That's a hornet. Okay, that's funny.
All right, Moving back to another one that goes back a couple of days.
We're doing a little catch up here, Morning show crew. Dave,
you wrote a book, so it's mostly directed at you, but would love
Jenny's thoughts as well. I lost my mom two years ago. She was
my best friend, and her death, the entire process of grief has knocked
me off my feet. The level of grief is something you can't comprehend until
it happens to you. I'm so sorry to hear about that. Even two
years later, it still will hurt. It'll hurt forever. You'll never quite
get over that loss. You'll learn to deal with it. I'm an avid
reader, and I searched for books to help me try and understand griefs shortly
after my mom passed. Most I found were self help books, religious books,
journal prompts. None that really worked for me. I didn't find any
literature on an ugly side of grief that I found myself dealing with lack of
support from friends. Besides liking a picture that I posted my mom on social
media, there's really no follow through or checking up on how I'm doing from
people who are really close to me. Minus those initial first week when people
send food and flowers. It all just abruptly ends after those first few weeks
and people move on with their lives. That's really sad. Yeah, I
think a lot of the time we don't know what to say, or you
haven't experienced what she's going through. Yes, with that being said, I
was so lost those first few months after losing her. I started writing all
that I was experiencing with grief and loss, and continued to write today two
years later. If I really sat down and worked on this, I could
see becoming a book, the type of book I would have loved to had
had access to after I lost my mom. So here is the title and
the name of the chapters. I have title my Mom Died Now What and
elder Millennials first year navigating grief learning it really sucks? Plus insight on how
we can do better supporting people we love. I love the title. I
think your descriptive little sidebars too long. But I do like the idea of
a descriptive sidebar, but I'm not an expert. Table of contents. The
ship, they don't tell you. Two when the shock wears off, Three
the little things. Four, Friends and family will disappoint you. Five,
there's no such thing as closure. Six go to therapy, find a support
group. What now here are my questions? Without being able to read the
book? So I know it's hard to say. Does this concept sound like
something people would be interested in? Please be honest, one hundred percent yes.
If you couldn't find the book that worked for you, there's probably a
lot of other people that can't find the book that works for them, and
the work is a weird thing to define, Like, is there a book
that will make you go I'm okay, no, absolutely not. I've done
basic Google searches on how to publish a book, how to search for an
Asian and editors. But I wanted to know if you Dave had had any
insight that you share on how to get your book out there and certain steps
that work for you. Longtime fan and listener, Hope this wasn't too long.
I will end with the obligatory dart lick, so you know it's real.
I finding a publisher that will pay for everything is extremely difficult, especially
for a first time writer. It does happen, but I would what I
did. I paid to publish my book. I paid out of my own
pocket to publish my book, and I will my next two books as well.
I went to a company called wise Ink I n K look them up
online. They will walk you through everything. It's not free and it's not
cheap, but they will come up with a remarkable finished product. I'm going
to tell you that this also, don't think you're going to quit your job
and become a traveling touring author, because you're not likely to have that happen.
Get a couple of hundred book copies published, and don't plan on making
any money off of it. So don't let anybody talk you into having five
thousand copies published. You will sell a couple hundred. It will sit in
your basement. But they can help you market, get your book into bookstores,
help you with social media. Why and it's not a plug. They're
not giving me anything free. Whys inc I n K talk to Dara and
her team at wise inc. They're wonderful and so good. Yeah, okay,
next one, how are we doing for time? Jenny? Were doing
okay, yeah, we got some time? Okay, good. I will
pose a question to you all. I'm the friend of my group. While
everybody has started to settled down to get married, my love life is a
disaster. So basically, they want to do a social media presence starting on
TikTok insta Facebook YouTube about my funny dating stories. But I want to be
respectful of the women that I meet. I'll never use names, obviously,
but I still worry I'll let something slip would identify who they are, so
to be safe, I just avoid those stories altogether. But I want to
know would this make a good another book question? Would it make a good
book? I'm not as high on this idea because I'll be honest with you,
everybody has got funny dating stories, and we all think, Jared,
I love you, they are funny, I'm sure, but we all think
our dating stories are hysterical and a lot of the time they're funny, but
they're not something that I would read in a book. But I don't know
any thoughts on this, Jenny. So they have a bunch of funny dating
stories. They want to make a book out of it. I think going
to social media route is your best bet because people your best Oh yeah,
people live for the TikTok stories about bad dates. I sit and watch some,
and I'm very much taken in a happy relationship and I'm not in that
world at all anymore. So I think that the social media route it is
definitely the way that you should go. I think a lot of people are
entertaining. The one thing, though, is you got to keep your stories
to the point. Because when I saw TikTok and I see that, like
there's a little bar on the bottom and you can see how long it's going
to be. Yes, if I see that that story is three and a
half minutes long, that's too long. And I know that you might need
that long to tell your story because that's how wild the date was, but
it's just too long. You have to concise it. You got to cut
out some of the meat of it, even though you think that it's important
for the story. It's so funny because we love when people call the show
and we love when people tell stories on the show. But once in a
while we'll get somebody who will tell a story something like this. So I
had a date with this guy. His name was Carl. Well, his
nickname was Carl because he loved Carl Eller from the Vikings and so anyway,
so he loved the Vikings. And we met at Caribou and he was like
five minutes late. So he comes in and he's like, you know,
first of all, he's acting. Jenny and I are looking at each other
like, holy fuck, get to the fucking point. We want to know
what happened. We don't care about his nickname, right, but people,
it's Jenny and I tell stories for a living, so we kind of know
what to cut out. And you would be amazed at the ship you can
cut out of a story and still make it a powerful story. So I'm
going to give you an example of a very short story, but I could
make it a really long story if I wanted to. I was driving in
Phoenix. I owned a Porsche. At the time, I spent way too
much money on my car. I owned a Porsche. I was driving behind
a big semi truck and I got pulled over. The cop drew his gun
on me and told me get out of the car. I'm like, what
the fuck whatever he thinks I did, I didn't do. He made me
put my hands up on the hood of the car, searched me. Other
cops came screeching in the parking lot, putting their guns away. They thought
that I was part of a stolen Porsche ring because the truck I was following
was full of stolen Porsches. So they thought. Now I told that story
and maybe thirty is seconds I could, and it was still good. I
could have told it with a few more details and maybe made it a little
bit better. But what I didn't need to do was talk about the road
that I was driving on, whether it was sunny that day or cloudy.
Were you speeding, were you not speeding? Was that what was going through
your head? Like, Oh, he could have pulled me over for speeding.
Maybe I ran this spread light. That's exactly true. Yeah, so
again, I mean, and I think that's the thing is like, when
you are telling a story, there's so much you can cut out of the
story, and what you can do later is go back and give some of
the details. So anyway, let's move on. Jenny and I are the
same age. Facebook was just emerging when I was in senior in high school.
I remember thinking I don't get it, I'm not interested. So I
just joined Facebook this year. Okay, says this person. I joined a
group for parents of children with autism. The group allows you to ask questions
and have autistic adults respond. The whole point is to enable learning firsthand.
While I posted a question and it was misrepresented or misinterpreted by one person who
said the famous internet words educate yourself among the things, which made me feel
sick to my stomach and upset me so much because they accused me of not
accepting my own child. The whole point of me asking my question was to
educate myself. I'm trying to understand from autistic individuals. I responded to the
individual that, in fairness, I don't have experience with autism, and I'm
likely to get things wronger ask things in the wrong way. But that's why
I'm asking, is to learn. That is my first and last experience with
posting to social media as an adult. I know, shake it off,
it's a stranger, but look how much they're common affected me. Yeah,
it does, and you are not unique in that. I now can understand
better how much negative impact of social media is on the mental health of children
and teens. While there are trolls out there, even well intended questions and
messages can be interpreted, leading to unproductive and defensive back and forth. It's
not healthy. I'm glad I didn't grow up in the area of air of
social media. I hear you guys talk about the negative crap you receive on
social media. I don't know how you do it being public figures of the
amount of trolls. Keep up the good work you do and focus on the
positive. Thanks from Joe. I'm sorry you went through that. Some of
the most famous words on the internet are educate yourself, which means come around
to my opinion, and I also, yeah, that's exactly what it means.
I was saying. Also, I think a lot of people who say
those words are people who they themselves need to educate themselves. No, it's
true, and we get once in a while somebody will send a really shitty
comment to the show and I'll write back and say something like, now say
something nice, and a lot of the time you go, oh, I'm
sorry, you know what I should have said, you know what, I
love you guys, whatever, But sometimes people just want to be shitty,
and they just there's there are trolls, but it is totally normal to be
really affected and hurt by one troll. Lord, okay this it says,
Hello, BFFs, Can I vent for a minute. I'm a nurse and
sometimes patients frustrate the hell out of me. When we're asking you, the
patient, if there's a history of something in your family. We don't care
how severe it is or if you take meds for it. We just want
to know if there's a fucking history. Wow, Okay, I like this.
And when we tell you we're only looking at history from your parents,
your grandparents, or siblings or children. We don't want to know about your
aunts and uncles, So and so's sister. Answer my questions and let me
get the fuck out of the room so the doctor can come in and talk
to you. I love this so much that this person is ranting and getting
this off their chest. I don't get paid enough to listen all your other
bullshit people. When you go to the doctor, most questions are yes or
no. Please don't adding any extra information on that. Thank you, Love
you guys. Really enjoying the new setup. Way to go, Dave,
Jenny Drake. You guys have a great thing and going your friend, Patty
dart lick, dart lick, dart lick, Oh three dark wow, aggressive
Patty. I have to say that I love my dad to death, love
him, but what my sister had her stroke this summer. He was bringing
in so much random family history stuff that I know had nothing to do with
the situation at hand, and the poor nurse. My older sister and I
sat and tried to like veer the conversation in the direction and it needed to
go. And my dad just does not shut up sometimes, Well what do
you do? For example, Well, he was talking about my uncle,
and maybe that does have something to do with something, but he brought up
my uncle having a heart attack, and I just don't know that there is
a correlation between what my sister was going through and my uncle having a heart
attack at a young age. My uncle also was a raging alcoholic most of
his life. I think a lot of his health problems had to do without
He did become sober the last five ten years of his life, but I
think a lot of it had to do with that. And then my mom
also was there, and my parents don't exactly get along, So then she
was getting frustrated too, and I felt bad for the poor nurse talking to
us the whole time, just sitting there being like trying to do her best.
And so I was like, let's just stick to the point here of
what we need to know with my sister. Let's not go into the other
family history. Let's see. You know what, the way you describe your
dad that kind of sounds like I've heard you and Fallon describe your dad's enough
that it kind of doesn't surprise me, like when I describe something that Donna
did and it doesn't really surprise you. Good information, Patty. So when
you go to the doctor and they say, is there a history of high
blood pressure in your family? You don't have to talk about Yeah, my
great uncle on my dad's side. Yeah, you talk about your parents whatever,
answer yes or no questions. Sorry. I thought my cough was getting
better. I know it has been. This is like the first time I've
really heard it in the last two days. You know what's funny is when
I think about it, it's worse. Yeah. It's like my friend Curtis,
He's like he texted me the other days like, how's your cough?
And I immediately started coughing when he asked me that question. Last email,
and I love this one. We'll wrap it with this one. Although we
did not get to a fue we'll try to get to tomorrow. I was
listening to the Minnesota Goodbye driving my twelve year old daughter to horseback because I
am Father of the Year. Well, she asked me what dart lick meant
and I realized, oh, yeah, she's in the vehicle. I had
to tell her that you play darts every week and you have a superstition that
when you licked the tip of the dart before you throw it, you get
better accuracy. I think we're gonna have to listen to the Minnesota Goodbye podcast
when my kids are not in the vehicle. L L, let me tell
you something. Pat on the back to you, dad for coming up with
such a believable lie to cover your tracks while your daughter's in the car.
You know what you are, Dad of the Year, So good for you.
That is it for now. Thank you for listening to the Minnesota Goodbye.
I think we went a little along today. We had some extra stuff,
but we are a little bit short on email, so I'd love to
hear what you think. Talk about cheating, talk about whether women are more
forgiving of other women, whether you're more forgiving of someone for doing anything if
you know that. For example, if you see somebody who carjack somebody,
you're like, throw the book at him, lock them up. But if
you know that they're a wonderful person and that they that's a bad example.
I can't think of a carjack or as ever being a wonderful person, but
you get what I'm saying. Maybe somebody who shoplifted, somebody who went into
Target and shoplifted a bunch of tide pods, you're like, oh, they're
an asshole. But if you know them and you know that they were just
so tired of being broke they couldn't even afford laundry soap, then you start
to you know what I mean. So any thoughts on that sindals to me
to Ryan Show at k DWB dot com, and thank you for listening to
the Minnesota Goodbye,